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Friday = comment of the week day, LET’S DO THIS:

“Mary pounding at the window, desperate to hear more about this estranged cousin situation. Former best friends? Decades apart? Major upcoming life event that gives them the opportunity to reconcile? ‘THIS BETTER NOT BE A THROWAWAY COMMENT TO TEE UP ED’S POOR WORK-LIFE BALANCE’ she shouts, smashing a wet muffin in her hand as rain lashes down.” –Dan

Very funny runners up are also here for you to enjoy!

“A ‘still-hard Herky’s bar’ sounds way dirtier than anything in a so-called ‘kid’s’ comic ever should.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Good to see Lee Falk is unhappy as the rest of us when forced to think about The Phantom.” –jroggs

“I think the world post-Animalpocalypse is probably much more oxygen-rich than our own, which helps the animals have much more powerful brains and allows Mike to grow so large (since, after all, chitin is relatively strong for its weight). That might also explain why Slylock is so often standing around with that loopy grin on his face. It’s not only smugness. It’s also a teensy bit of hyperoxia.” –Chance

“Man, when you start adding people from the ‘estranged relative’ section of your guest list, your wedding is either too big or you don’t have enough friends. I’m betting on the latter in this case.” –pugfuggly

“Actually, Mike the Monster Mosquito won’t be ‘feasting on flower nectar and plant juices,’ he’ll be starving slowly to death as his hijacked body flings itself helplessly but uselessly against the skin of terrified animals under the Count’s command. Sorry, that got a bit grim. Although not as grim as ‘This pit bull we’ve never seen before is getting the wrong medication for its illness’ and ‘Gertie’s cat is trapped somewhere and/or dead.’” –Schroduck

“Gee, I’m sure glad we went through this whole plot about how terrible bullying is so we can get something that would realistically cause more bullying.” –Needless Exposition

“I wonder if the employee of Walker-Browne Industries that wrote this strip was able to write off their trip to Kansas City as ‘research,’ or at the very least their meal at the rib place they ate at.” –Westing1992

“It’s funny because they’ll turn to the backup plan for winter warmth: beaver pelts.” –nescio

“Speaking as a northlander who once lived in a small village where in the winter the power and water would often fail from the cold and we’d have to huddle around the fireplace to survive the night (this happened last in 1996 by the way), I’m gonna say Hägar and family will probably be fine. Judging by their lack of a woodshed to keep the firewood safe, these are soft southerners, probably in Denmark or someplace warm like that.” –Amelie Wikström

Dutch camera angles, characters who never look at one another when they speak and whose dialog is always mismatched … we’re only black-and-white film and long introspective silences away from the Ingmar Bergman era of Mary Worth, and you know what? It makes far more sense this way. Låt den svenska expressionismen rulla säger jag! Wilbur är mycket bättre på det här sättet!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The usual way would be to get several manila folders, with a color-coded tab for each vendor, but if you’re making the folder from scratch — shredding wood, boiling it down to pulp, dying, rolling, cutting, and all — I can see why one would be enough until this whole ‘wedding’ excitement passes.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

Start with the cameras facing the sea. Get me a geofence so we can see all the cell phones in the area. Hack the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency so we can get raw take from the spy sats. You, seduce the head of COMOCEANSYSLANT and find out if the Integrated Undersea Surveillance System sensors picked up any unusual splashes. Me, I’m going to go beat a bit of truth out of Poseidon, king of the depths. If anyone saw something, he did. Let’s get cracking, people!” –Voshkod

That is the face of a man who knows about furries and knows his fiancée doesn’t know.” –Stronk Pony Club, on BlueSky

“Wilbur RSVPs: ‘Does it have to be a mammal?’” –Hibbleton

“Sage has been part of various French colonial projects for centuries, eventually winding up in Algeria. He’s committed many unforgivable sins, and the Haitian voodoo priestess warned him that not only would he have to live the years he cost the slaves he traded to the colony, but the sins of all those years would pile up into a karmic debt he would pay in the afterlife. No Catholic priest could forgive him, there is no home with the Muslim natives he oppressed, let alone the Jews after his collaboration as a member of the Vichy government. He lives in the cave to avoid adding more to his debts and hide from the looming spectre of death who walks the land with a parade of his many victims in tow.” –Philip

Crock, sadly, makes more sense when you realize that they’re in the Sonoran desert, home of saguaro cacti, not the Sahara. You can write the whole mess off to peyote.” –Downpuppy

“Is casual dress even permitted at all in military offices? I don’t know Army policy, but then again the Beetle Bailey people don’t either.” –Tom T.

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Crock, 8/23/24

An interesting phenomenon in the daily comics is that often during the strip’s genesis, the creators come up with an odd conceit or bit that is genuinely funny at the time, but then the strip runs for literal decades and they want to do jokes that are not about that bit, using the characters and scenarios they’ve established that are based around the bit, which produces odd results. Shoe forgetting its characters are all birds is a prime example. Crock is in an even weirder boat, where Grossie and Maggot’s son Otis (whose name I could not for the life of me remember for the longest time, and Google was no help, and every once in a while I check out to see if ChatGPT can do the thing it claims it can do, and it told me his name was either “Mongoose” or “Qaddafi,” so no, it very much cannot do the thing it claims it can do) is best friends with a vulture. Indeed, the vulture is his only friend, which is why he’s excited to talk with him about what he’s learned about human reproduction. However, this joke, which would be mildly funny if it were part of a conversation between two normal human children, becomes profoundly weird when it’s part of a conversation between a normal human child and a talking vulture. Like, if you knew talking vultures existed, maybe you’d find the idea that storks delivered babies more plausible! On the flipside, if you were a talking vulture and you heard this story about storks, you might have some inside information on storks and their ways that could confirm or deny the details. Anyway, I’m dwelling on all this because the alternative is thinking about how not long before the action in this strip occurred, a vulture dad told his vulture son about vulture sex in great anatomical detail, and I’m not doing any research on vulture reproduction but I’m just going to go ahead and assume that the whole process is pretty gross.

Beetle Bailey, 8/23/24

Great, just great, I read this comic and immediately felt the absolutely 100% useless piece of information “Private Blips is a Swiftie” falling into place in my brain. Sorry, spare set of keys! I will never remember where you are now. That slot is taken.

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Mary Worth, 8/22/24

Oh, he’s listening, Estelle — he’s just horrified that you would think that, as a vet, he’d be OK with a zoo themed wedding. He has to deal with animals all day at work — do you think he wants to see all his human friends and family pretending to be animals, too? Plus he has issues with zoos on ethical grounds — putting wild creatures in cages is cruel! Maybe you two aren’t as simpatico as he thought!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/22/24

I tease about Glenwood’s entertainment offerings but you know who really must be starved for fun? The poor citizens of Hootin’ Holler. There’s exactly one television in town and you have to bribe the parson to get a look at it, the only radio station anyone can get mostly broadcasts NASCAR races, and it even seems like the traditional arts of folk music have passed this community buy. That’s why Silas, the town’s only real capitalist, is trying out giving the people what they want: wacky vaudeville-style act-out bits, with props. Sure, it’s free now, but once he gets the customers hooked, they’ll be more than willing to pay a little extra for their daily chuckle!

Crock, 8/22/24

Hey guys, remember the Wise Sage, the beloved (?) Crock character who lives in a cave (??) in the desert? Well, turns out he’s very old and lives out his every moment in agony, yet still forever hopes to stave off death, for at least one more moment, because he fears what might come after. Fun!