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Marvin, 10/30/21

I’ll say this for Marvin: when it introduced its new fish characters a few weeks back, it could have played it safe and just used them as another type of creature to make piss and poop jokes about. And, let’s be real, there are plenty of piss and poop jokes involving them — this is still Marvin, after all — but there are also lots of jokes about how these two fish constantly irritate one another, but are nevertheless trapped in a bowl not much larger than themselves, forever, and honestly those I quite enjoy.

Daddy Daze, 10/30/21

Wait, does the Daddy Daze baby use “ma” for his monosyllabic babble with his mother, and yet “ba” rather than “da” for his father? Perhaps this recurring snub is what’s driven the man to his current state of madness, in which he insists on treating the baby’s nonsense noises as if they encoded complex semantic meaning that only he can parse, rather than simply acknowledging that the baby likes his ex better.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/29/21

Today’s “punchline” is some seriously low-rent “The real scary clowns are those clowns in Congress, amiright people” BS. But you have to admit it would be pretty fun if national TV news bureaus hired some half-assed Bela Lugosi imitator to do a “spooky” intro to each broadcast, and even more fun if they just made the anchors do it.

Gil Thorp, 10/29/21

A few years back, Gil Thorp did a pretty great storyline where the team student-manager was giving one of their players fake Adderall in order to boost his confidence and thereby his play, which is sort of like what we’re seeing here, where Boyd Spiller is using his YouTube-derived bogus hypnosis skills to convince everyone that he can improve their football and other talents. The difference, I guess, is that the student-manager knew the Adderall he was handing out was fake, whereas Boyd is probably going to convince himself that he really is a master of hypnosis, with hopefully extremely hilarious results.

Zits, 10/29/21

I don’t really care much about the content of this Zits, but I do want to point out that in the span of time it takes Walt and his son to utter four sentences, he’s removed a bone-in ham from the refrigerator, used it to assemble a large, sloppy sandwich, and completely consumed it and licked the remaining mustard off his fingers, a sequence terrifyingly dagwoodian in its efficiency.

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Your COTW is early this week but do not be alarmed! It is due to an Unavoidable Schedule Thing and the rest of our publishing schedule will proceed as normally. COTW on Friday again next week, but until then, here’s this week comment of the week:

“Dennis the Menace’s idea of a cool, young, single guy looks like the assistant manager of a TJ Maxx in a failing mall. Maybe to Henry Mitchell, that is pretty cool. ‘Look at that pink, scribbly necktie! I bet he got a nice employee discount on that. And I bet he’s only three or four payments behind on that sweet ride, too!’” –Joe Blevins

And the very funny (and early) runners up!

“What’s really hurting the USPS, and society in general to be honest, is the dwindling number of people who would take the time and resources to write a real letter, put a stamp on it, and send it to the newspaper complaining that something like today’s Six Chix doesn’t make sense, they don’t get it, and they’re angry about it. Pluggers are disappearing, essentially.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Rex momentarily considers tightening his tie just a little more to bring about asphyxiation and get out of not only the wedding but his house. Sadly, he swallows down the bile and soldiers on.” –Needless_Exposition

“Am I the only one dying to see the first half of this conversation that leads to Hi pulling a ‘Well, actually’ on his wife regarding the relative strength and firmness of his feet? Wait, don’t answer that.” –Doctor Moreau

“I bought the rest of the town! Everyone who was mean to you in Starbucks has been evicted from their homes! Surprise!” –Rosstifer

“Lois looking aghast at Hi’s magic feet reminds me of nothing so much as the Wicked Witch of the West regarding the ruby slippers on Dorothy. Suppose Lois were to, say, try to remove Hi’s feet and get electrocuted? To clarify, I’m not saying I want that to happen; I’m saying I need it to happen.” –Violet

“It’s nice to get these little insights into the editing process at a major comics syndicate. Like today, we learned that if you submit the line, ‘Here comes Dennis. Find my tranquilizers, Martha!’ you get back a comment that says, ‘Sound like he’s going to drug/murder a child.’”–Dan

“So, his security is a genie, electric cockroach girl, and a natty bandito? Honestly, once you’ve hired the genie, I think you’re good, but I salute his emphasis on diversity in hiring.” –Voshkod

“What’s the point of protesting to ban time travel? If the protest works, then time travel will never have existed, so you’d have nothing to protest. Hmph! Newbies!” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“I gave full credit to the empathy of the Mary Worth’s artist. She knew she had to depict Wilbur longingly looking at his ex’s pictures and she took good care of showing his hands well above the desk.” –Ettorre

“While I fully believe that Wilbur likes piña coladas and is not into yoga or health food, I question the probability that he can stay up long enough (in various senses of the term) to make love at midnight — to say nothing of the ‘half a brain’ qualification.” –TheDiva

“The absence of drinks and chips make me think that the game ended long ago and the Flagstons are settling down to watch 60 Minutes. Thurston wakes up, sees Anderson Cooper, and half drunkenly mutters, ‘God! Al Michaels hasn’t aged well.’” –Hibbleton

“Whenever Wilbur presses the Escape key, his laptop plays ‘Escape (The Piña Colada Song)’. When he presses the Control key, it plays Janet Jackson’s ‘Control’. The Caps Lock key just makes all the letters uppercase.” –Anonymous

“The first stop on our Santa Royale bus tour is Charterstone, a rare example of Modern Horror architecture. Note the skewed angles of the Charterstone condo building, which denote the work of the famed architect of New England’s notorious Hill House, Hugh Crain. Here, Crain has abandoned his more Gothic predilections for a bare and streamlined design more suited to the California poolside lifestyle. But even in the brutalist lines of this work, we can see Hugh Crain’s signature style, the total absence of 90-degree angles anywhere within the structure. The windows are also noteworthy for their expressive messages to the casual observer; those at Hill House seeming to warn visitors from approaching the mansion, whilst here at Charterstone they fairly stream with abject fear, as if they were frantically looking to break free from their fixed frames in order to escape from whatever walks within.” –Charterstoned

“I just hope we’ll get to see Estelle sit in Pierre’s piss now.” –nescio

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