“‘Ah, that lasagna and cake really hit the spot. But for some reason I feel like there’s something I promised to do and forgot about…’ Hagar said, patting his belly in blissful ignorance as the slighted bartender barred all the exits of the Horrible home from the outside and tossed a torch onto the thatched roof.” –jroggs
“So how is all this wallowing in self-pity affecting Wilbur’s job? Isn’t he supposed to be an advice columnist? Mary’s worried now, but she’s really going to have her hands full when the Santa Royale police turn to her for help with a mysterious rash of despondent people who are simply drowning themselves in the toilet.” –cheech wizard
“Overall, Charterstone seems to be a place where it would naturally have a rather unpleasant odor. Slowly rotting seniors, dogs, litter boxes, whatever abominations Mary cooks, Toby’s ‘art projects,’ and the attempts to cover up everything with vanilla and camphor. No wonder Wilbur’s getting away with his apartment turning into a landfill; they’re all nose blind.” –Needless Exposition
“The one day of the year where Halftrack reflects on his incompetence. ‘It’s hard to get men killed in a stateside command but I’ve managed it.’” –Hibbleton
“I had thought that Wilbur had no redeeming features whatsoever, but if he tried to ghost Mary Worth he is a braver man than I.” –matt w
“‘Dementia is a blessing that allows me to forget the horrors of war.’ Ha ha! Always with the japes, Hi and Lois!” –Tabby Lavalamp
“You’re lucky to have supportive parents. Not everybody does. Take my parents … please.” –Cleveland Mocks
“This mustachioed man knows branding. In a world where the Dead Internet Theory states most of the web and apps are filled will fake engagement and AI generated ‘content’ from bots, a new maxim has arisen that states ‘Why would I bother to read something no one could be bothered to write?’ He’s taking that a step further, and is going back to the old technologies. It’s not enough that someone has to write it, now it’s ‘Why would I bother to read something no one could be bothered to write, have edited, then have laid out by the typographical worker, printed, distributed, and paid for with physical currency.’” –Philip
“As Charterstone manager (whether de jure or de facto), Mary is horrified by what she sees in Wilbur’s apartment. It is not so much the massive stacks of pizza boxes, Chinese food cartons, and Styrofoam food containers, nor is it the way that the floor is strewn with empty bottles of Wilbur’s favorite blue Scotch. She can even overlook the way that Dawn’s bedroom has been converted into some sort of crypt with a black wreath nailed to the door, outside which ceremonial offerings of fish food are piled next to the votive candles. No, what has Mary so horrified is Wilbur’s explicit violation of clause 24.81.57.3(a.6) in the Tenants’ Agreement, which clearly states that it is prohibited to re-paint an entire wall of the living room with a giant mural of a goldfish.” –seismic-2
“We are reminded daily that Dennis is a Menace and spends a good deal of time sitting in a chair as punishment for bad behavior. Now he’s embarking on a career as a life coach? Sorry, not buying it.” –Weaselboy
“Dreams of speeding (or overly slow) projectiles require a doctor with a more Freudian approach.” –MKay
“Huge props for Six Chix for actually drawing two identical dudes instead of just drawing one dude and copying the image. It doesn’t make the actual result any better but I appreciate the effort nevertheless.” –Veronica
“Gearhead Gertie takes place in a parallel universe where the backlash to the Oil Crisis was so bad that the US government collapsed and was replaced by a pro-car junta headed by the nation’s most beloved racing stars determined to protect drivers by any means necessary. But after the dream of opposition comes the reality of government, and now Gertie fears the promises of the revolution are being betrayed. Has she slain one dragon only to see another rise with a checkered flag in its mouth?” –Schroduck
“This is undoubtedly one of the toughest announcements that I’ve ever personally had to make, but after the speed trap at turn four at the end of the Daytona 500, we’ve lost Dale Earnhardt to an outstanding DUI warrant.” –Voshkod
“‘Whatever happened to romance?’ It’s being born! Right now speakers of vulgar Latin are transitioning to the languages that are going to be Italian, French, Spanish, etc., down the centuries. Don’t be impatient, Helga.” –Ettorre
“It’s not surprising that in a culture where all the women are taller and stronger than the men, they have no interest in males other than for the brief encounters required to create progeny — and after getting the job done, they return to their female-only, matriarchal society. The only exception is a married couple like Hagar and Helga — although she’s arranged for him to go off pillaging other countries for nine-tenths of the year in order to provide her with material goods, so their arrangement works out pretty well for her, too!” –BigTed
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