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Hell yeah it’s your comment of the week!

“This plugger seems to be jiggling both the toilet handle and his genitals simultaneously. And both for the same reason: to avoid having to pay money to a professional.” –Joe Blevins

Hell yeah it’s your hilarious runners up!

“Even by Family Circus standards, ‘I love my dead grandpa‘ is a punchline so weak you could use it in homeopathy.” –Schroduck

“There aren’t enough comments about the totally awkward position Granddad’s ghost has taken up in the background of the last panel. And it is bugging the heck out of me! He is leaning back against the wall, but while his form is in contact with the wall it is not disturbing the curtain. And why would a ghost need to lean on anything? You’re non-corporeal, you can just float. Do ghosts get tired enough that they occasionally need to lean on things? How’m I suppose to suspend my disbelief when it gets challenged so?” –The Mighty Captain E

“The problem with Family Circus is that just the first two panels would have made an incredibly funny comic. Know when to stop adding, Jeff!” –Dan

“Forget about Kitty Cop, let’s hear the ‘fascinating’ story of how Buck’s job works because this oh-so ‘interesting’ character must included at all times, even when he’s not physically present!” –2+2=7

“I understand that Dustin is merely closing the car door, but I prefer to see it as him affectionately patting the car. ‘Who doesn’t treat me like shit? Yeah, you don’t. You can’t hate me, you can’t hate anything. Don’t ever leave me.’” –The Rambling Otter

“I really try for a Wes Anderson vibe in here, and of course I demand they not give me those cowardly thorn-free roses. They’d kick me out of the coven. What would Joy Division think? What you should be asking why Rockabilly Womp Rat wants to frame me.” –jerp jump

“The elderly bystander, played by veteran character actor Tom Skerritt, appears to be a Doordash cyclist. If so, this probably doesn’t crack the top 5 weirdest things he’s seen on the job.” –Navigator

“Gertie has the terrified eyes and frozen smile of someone who realizes they’re going to subject her to the whole story.” –A. Mulyak

“Oh, it’s okay to look at Michelle and Jordan now, because they no longer need their privacy? I don’t agree. Michelle is certainly not fully dressed, and Jordan just shouldn’t be seen in those indecent sweatpants. Wait, a tucked-in tee-shirt, with sweatpants? Yeah, I’m telling you, I really, really didn’t need to see this.” –made of wince

“The People’s Clinic, Santa Royale’s only true Marxist-Leninist medical center, no matter what those revisitionsts at the Royalian Democratic Clinic tell you!” –pugfuggly

“Don’t give up on your dreams, they have teenagers in Africa too!” –BananaSam

“Not a word about Blondie’s fading eyesight? She’s doing a large print 3×3 sudoko.” –Hibbleton

“Dithers has found a form of ‘negging’ that is more disgusting than the sexual one.” –Ettorre

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Dennis the Menace, 4/30/21

I spent way too long trying to parse Henry and Alice’s facial expressions and how they line up with Dennis’s tattletale claim to the bored and irritated cater-waiter. They both seem to be having a good time looking at art! Are they thinking, “Gosh, we didn’t come for the art but we are enjoying ourselves. The Municipal Art Museum audience development team really knows what it’s doing when it runs these free-to-the-public art-and-wine nights!” Or is it more, “Ha ha, this art is shit but we’re on wine glass number four and have gotten blotto on the dime of the Municipal Art Museum’s corporate sponsors. Can’t wait to drive home!”

Blondie, 4/30/21

One odd result of comic book time is that Dagwood is canonically a guy in his late 30s or early 40s who’s probably been in his job in his own internal timeline for five years or so, and maybe even took the job as a stepping stone to other things, whereas those of us in the real world know that he’s been DithersCo’s office manager since before we were born and will continue to be long after we’re dead and in the ground. Thinking of things in those terms brings an interesting perspective to Blondie’s frankly horrified face in the final panel, as she realizes that Stockholm Syndrome is setting in and maybe her husband really is going to be working for that awful man indefinitely.

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Mary Worth, 4/29/21

There’s a lot of suspension of disbelief that goes into enjoying a comic strip like Mary Worth, and sometimes I can pull it off and sometimes I can’t. For instance, I absolutely refuse to believe that Drew has managed to become mildly Instagram famous without ever letting slip in one of his captions that he’s a doctor, and yet immediately upon being presented with his meal blurted out “It looks better than the hospital cafeteria food that I’m very familiar with because of all the time I spend in a hospital — and not as a patient! [wink wink]” That sandwich looks like shit, by the way, and also the side of slaw Ashlee so grandly announced is nowhere to be seen, so I’m assuming Northview’s cafeteria is of particularly low quality.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/29/21

If you know me, you know that few things exercise my deranged mind like trying to figure out the socioeconomic/political situation of Hootin’ Holler, so today I’m less interested in Uriah unicycling the mail all over the region than I am in the fact that Silas, who is not a government official but the proprietor of the town’s only store, is paying for his transportation. My current theory: the Post Office was violently ejected from the town decades ago, possibly in reaction to its attempt to impose the “number of the beast” in the form of zip codes. Silas, who needs to maintain a connection to the outside world in order to keep his store of manufactured goods stocked, is the only person still receiving mail, and he’s set Uriah up as his private delivery man, charging townsfolk outrageous markup over regular postage rates. For legal reasons, he refers to his delivery service as the “Newnited States Post Office.”

The Phantom, 4/29/21

I make fun of soap strips all the time when they’re inadvertently funny, so I feel obligated to point out when they’re successfully funny on purpose, like when Heloise begins a Heloise-centric storyline by describing her dad as “off somewhere punching a guy,” an incident I hope we never hear any more details on.