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Dick Tracy, 5/16/25

The current Dick Tracy story wrapped up with our criminals fleeing from the cops and in the process conveniently getting into a terrible car accident that killed our beloved dipshit nephews and their comically cursing aunt. I guess all’s well that ends well, and by “ends well” we mean “ends with three corpses in the very morgue where, for reasons that have still not been adequately explained, this caper began.” By the way, do the dimensions on those corpses seem off to you? Like they’re unusually tall, right? Not sure I want to know what exactly happened in that car accident.

Dennis the Menace, 5/16/25

Wow, look at how angrily Mr. Wilson is sucking on that spoon in the background there, trying to get every particle and calorie that’s been permitted to him. He’s very hungry! He’s an old man, please just let him eat what he wants!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/16/25

Oh, so you think Rex Morgan, M.D., storylines are “boring” and “pointless” and “nothing ever exciting happens in them, why is this even in the newspaper?” Well, have you considered that if they were exciting, it would be very scary for the characters? Would you want to live in an exciting storyline? I didn’t think so!

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Hi and Lois, 5/15/25

Sorry, Hi: today’s teens would never try to read something and listen to something else simultaneously. Instead, they focus all their attention on one thing at a time so they can truly be present in the moment with a text or song. They call it “monotasking” and it’s an explicit rejection of the brain-scattered, information-overload world that your generation (Xennials) created. Get with the times, old man!

Gearhead Gertie, 5/15/25

The ironic thing here is that Gertie obviously owns the NASCAR Official Collector’s Edition of Monopoly that Parker Brothers put out in 1997, but she refuses to open the shrink wrap because she thinks it will lose its value. Gertie, you can buy that game on eBay for $12! You gain nothing by annoying your grandson like this.

Shoe, 5/15/25

I really enjoy the dynamic here where the Perfesser announces that he wants to do something fun that might be a little outside his comfort zone, and his boss, who he hates but is nevertheless spending his precious free time with, shits all over the idea. I assume that in panel two the Perfesser is getting a big whiff of Shoe’s cigar, which also must be pretty unpleasant for him.

The Lockhorns, 5/15/25

I like how downcast Leroy looks here. He knows this terrible pun is a subpar effort, but it’s all he can come up with, and what’s he going to do, not say something vaguely critical of his wife while she’s doing something she enjoys?

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Mary Worth, 5/14/25

Wilbur appears to be smiling guilelessly, but he has to know at some level that this conversation is not going great. That’s why he’s holding that muffin at the ready in the second panel. If Mary starts pressing him too hard, he can always lob it at her face and make a break for it in the confusion.

Marvin, 5/14/25

Wow, look at how genuinely upset Jenny’s dad is in the final panel here! A real important thing about the comic strip Marvin is that none of the characters in it like each other, despite the fact that most of them are related.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/14/25

“Hey ladies! I know you’ve been through some tough times … so do you want a murder truck? Don’t worry, I’m sure once you dig into the details you’ll find it’s the kind of murder you’d approve of.”