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Mary Worth, 6/12/19

“Hmm, I think I’ll have this dish they call the ‘Hunky Tech Millionaire.’ That’s not a phrase that has any particularly unpleasant associations for you, is it?”

Hi and Lois, 6/12/19

Bad news, Trixie! The very slim chance that this strip was going to pivot to a For Better Or For Worse-style aging in real-time drama vanished long ago. Your audience is 100% nostalgics now, and those nostalgics only want you to be a baby, so you’re going to be a baby … forever.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/12/19

You know, sometimes the point of this blog is for me to have an outlet for my creativity and analysis using the daily newspaper comics as a prompt, but sometimes the point is that I shouldn’t have to suffer alone, and today is one of those days when we tip towards the latter. If I have to know that the theme of today’s Funky Winkerbean is “the Funky Winkerbean characters are horny,” then so do you, by god.

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Six Chix, 6/11/19

Look, guys, this is Josh, your atheist Jewish pal here, telling you that Christian cultural signifiers are deeply embedded in American society but if you, personally, want to play with them in your art or narrative, it would help you to … understand them? Like, for instance, the phrase “born again” is almost exclusively associated with Evangelical Protestants, whereas the clerical uniform of all-black-plus-collar is primarily Roman Catholic, and while you might catch some high church Episcopalians in the same get-up, they won’t be the ones describing themselves as “born again,” trust me on this. Anyway, I’m so busy seething about this, that I’ve decided not to even bother trying to figure out what exactly this joke is supposed to mean! Just gonna skip right over it! Sorry, joke that appears to be about priest-fucking, I can’t be bothered!

Mary Worth, 6/11/19

YES, IT’S HAPPENING! How long do you think it’s going to take for them to figure out they live in the same condo complex? That they know Mary in common? That Mary has been subtly manipulating every aspect of their lives for years, forcing them both to hit emotional rock bottom, until they finally reached the point in their lives when they were ready to settle for one another?

Beetle Bailey, 6/11/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Beetle is in the military and his mother is terrified he’ll be killed in combat!

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Mark Trail, 6/10/19

This current Mark Trail plot is moving along at what I wouldn’t call … the fastest pace of all time. About a month ago Mark ran away from bees then a couple weeks after that the gang found Skull Mountain and that’s been about it! Up until this crazy flood, that is. You’d think a flash flood would definitely be a sign that the drama has officially been amped up, but the whole thing with the bees only lasted a couple of days, so I’m reserving my judgement. I do like how Leola’s word balloon ends in an interrobang, indicating that something truly surprising, more surprising than a flash flood, is happening just off panel! Maybe it’s Mark continuing to run away from her, leaving her to drown in the flood? Sorry, Leola, the fewer survivors there are in this expedition the fewer people there’ll be to split the gold!

Family Circus, 6/10/19

There are like a dozen little hints in virtually every Family Circus panel that they represent repurposed art, or at least repurposed jokes, from an earlier era, an era when parents felt that children needed to be able to explore and test their limits unsupervised by grown-ups even at a very young age, and if that meant that some of them didn’t survive to adulthood, well, that’s why you start off having four of them, you know? I particularly appreciate how shiny the countertop is, teasing us that Dolly’s slippered feet are going to lose their purchase at any moment.

Beetle Bailey, 6/10/19

I feel like having Beetle surrounded by sand, in a loose pile and in a bag and in a wheelbarrow, wasn’t strictly necessary to make this joke work? In fact, since the joke is a metaphor, it’s actually actively distracting. If you’re gonna do it, why not go all the way with it? Why not have Lt. Fuzz be dousing himself with oil while grinning maniacally and extolling the efficiency of our armed services? It would make Sarge’s world-weary expression all the more appropriate.

Mary Worth, 6/10/19

Folks, if Wilbur and Estelle are currently at Delicious Grill chowing down on some sandwiches and making romantic eyes at each other, I am going to 100% lose my shit