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Folks! I’m about to head out on vacation for a week and change, but fear not: your favorite Uncle Lumpy is on duty in the iterim! I’ll be back on Thursday the 29th, but till then, enjoy this comment of the week, and Uncle Lumpy’s comic stylings:

“Oh no. Hugo’s going to fall off that ladder and break his neck, isn’t he? And Dawn will spend the rest of her life regretting that she didn’t help– oh, wait, this isn’t the Funkyverse! It’s the Mary Worthiverse, which means that we get to spend the next few weeks literally watching paint dry.” –els

And your very funny runners up!

“The man in cargo shorts is having a life crisis as he is forced to reconsider all those fake girl gamer memes he shared.” –Ettorre

“While you were playing with dolls, I was playing with guns! Remember? In the house we grew up in together, at the same time?” –pugfuggly

“Following an unsuccessful attempt to boost tourism in the 1950s, every day in Milford is St Patrick’s Day.” –Schroduck

“Interpretation one: ‘Don’t worry. The kids won’t care about the poop landing on the cake, because they don’t care about the candle blower’s saliva.’ Interpretation two: ‘Don’t worry. There are no horizontal surfaces in the world for the poop to land on. It will just keep falling forever.’” –A Concerned Reader

“Come on, just one little baseball can’t hurt you. All the cool kids are doing it. You won’t get hooked! You won’t end up like those losers who spend hours staring slackjawed at double-header games on TV, blowing their whole paychecks at the ballpark, stealing from their own mothers to feed their habit for official MLB-approved merchandise…” –Peanut Gallery

“A lifetime of heavy beer and meat consumption meets its inevitable conclusion.” –Rusty

“I, for one, am taking this opportunity to enjoy General Halftrack’s desk in perfect isolation. Look at all those scrotums carved into the wood!” –Joe Blevins

“See, this is why Rex is a great human being and Roy from Judge Parker is sapient pond scum. Roy gave the Mafia info about someone he didn’t like, and that makes Roy irredeemably evil. But Rex is only going to give someone info that they will pass along to the Mafia. Rex isn’t going to deal with mobsters directly. It’s that one extra degree of separation that divides sinners from saints.” –jroggs

“Forget the magical hoverbaby, I’m worried about the voidpillow on the couch! An inky, comfortable blackness that cushions and devours all it touches. It… it’s in my mind. ALL HAIL THE VOIDPILLOW!” –Victor Von

“Let the grown-ups have their moonshine. These young ‘uns know that psychedelic frog secretions are the best high you can get for free — especially since they allow you to hallucinate trademarked Disney characters without paying the movie-theater admission prices.” –BigTed

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/16/19

I’m not sure what it is Jughaid thinks will be “gross”. It could be the process of transformation by which an amphibian becomes a man, which will no doubt involve skin stretching, bones snapping and mending and snapping again, and the strange, chimeric creature bellowing out in pain as every single cell transmutes into something different, on fire from whatever cursed witch’s magic turned him into a frog in the first place; on the other hand, it could just be Mary Beth kissing a frog, I suppose. Either way, he’s right to think that Jamey would want to see it! Not a lot by way of entertainment available around these parts.

Shoe, 8/16/19

Ha ha! It’s funny because the Perfesser will soon find himself both humiliated and impoverished by our medical system!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/15/19

Oh, whoops, I haven’t been keeping you up to date on the antics in Rex Morgan, M.D., for which I apologize! The antics are as follows: Rex decided to tag along with the Lewtons Miss Galexia’s live performance, partly to help his patient break free from his delusional beliefs, but mostly because it would give him an opportunity to be as smugly self-righteous as possible, which we all know is sweetest high Rex can experience. And whaddya know, he was able to recognize his daughter’s old art teacher under that fake beard! It’s a pretty impressive feat to remain smugly self-righteous when threatening someone with mafia violence, but Rex is a real pro at this.

Marvin, 8/15/19

You know, considering how many Marvin punchlines revolve around Marvin not being potty trained, this strip seems to forget surprisingly often that Marvin is a literal baby, who shouldn’t be left alone out in the yard and who definitely isn’t tall enough to be looking through that window.