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Mary Worth, 1/13/19

Toby and Ian … a study in contrasts. Toby is paralyzed with fear that her husband might be succumbing to the charms of a younger woman, and is so insecure she’s afraid to even bring the subject up because she thinks it’ll make her look weak. Ian, meanwhile, is all like, “Damn, this is some good fish! Toby sure fried the hell out of this fish. She seems lost in thought tonight, so I guess I can just go ahead and eat it with my hands.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/13/19

OK, fine, Brayden isn’t turning out to be a little brat at all, but rather a weird tiny adult like pre-amnesia Sarah, though I will treasure the sentence “I’m sure it’ll be smooth sailing from here on, Brayden.” But anyway, now it’s clear that Rex and Brayden are gonna be on a team together against Loud-Shirted Drunken Lout! This flight’s just getting started and I’ll bet there’s plenty of drunken loutery in store!

Panel from Slylock Fox, 1/13/19

OK, fine, they’re in Germany. But why is it so important to know what country they’re in? Well, look at the pigs in the pen, the birds, the snake, the rabbits — unclothed, non bipedal, with dull, lifeless eyes. Here is one place, even after the animapocalypse, where animals are still animals. And are people still people? Sly and Max are right to be afraid.

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Mark Trail, 1/12/19

Oh, right, I forgot about the beginning of the cave adventure, when there were mutterings of “coyotes” (the metaphorical kind) lurking in the area and then a giant cavesplosion trapped Mark and his pals in a cave for the next four months. I don’t remember anyone actually laying eyes on any of these nefarious human traffickers, but I trust Mark has imprinted their faces in his inerrant memory. It was awful nice of them to wait politely for Mark to punch them into oblivion one at a time, especially considering how rude he’s being, changing the subject around. “Then you left us for dead!” “Where is my son?” Jeez, Mark, give a guy a minute to think about the questions you’re asking if you really want an answer!

Hi and Lois, 1/12/19

“Like, for instance, a persistent shift in average temperatures of a few degrees that makes it possible to play golf in in January could also lead to widespread, systemic ecological collapse? Just to pick an example out of nowhere?”

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No fuss, no muss: it’s this week’s top comment:

“‘It’s been a while since any parents complained,’ says Gil, as he demonstrates the hernia exam that they complained about.” –seismic-2

Also: Your hilarious runners up!

“Rex has waited until reaching the airport before reading the papers from the other researchers at the conference? For the first time ever, I see realism in this strip.” –Ettore

“‘I’ll be at a dull old medical conference all day long’ is just the kind of thing you’d yell if you were worried your wife and kids were about to join the dots about you and your secret second family.” –Schroduck

“How can I treat Mary Worth as portraying an aspirational lifestyle after seeing how the apartments are absolute crap? Are these converted barracks from Camp Swampy?” –Rusty

“I can’t show weakness to Ian by letting him think I’m concerned, or invested in our relationship in any way!” –TheDiva

“‘I’ve always been proud of my independence,’ says the woman who has never paid for anything ever in her entire life.” –Joe Blevins

“I believe it’s pronounced ‘fapping.’” –John Salerno, on Facebook

“Come on, honey. Let’s go take our minds off our son’s obvious medical problem.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Bonus brainteaser: Is that piece of furniture on the right a drafting table with no leg room, or just an ordinary out-of-perspective chest of drawers? Enjoy some Hams Chow while you think it over.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘I’m calling the website up right now!’ said the man who definitely has used the internet before.” –pugfuggly

“Good thing Billie Jean didn’t install some skeeball machines, her idiot customers would be using them as urinals! Oh wait, that’s too on-the-nose for a Crock punchline. They’d be using them as flip phones!” –jroggs

“Gil, you need to see this. You don’t want to — but you need to. Apparently, landlines are completely obsolete now, thanks to these … what do the kids call them? … ‘cellular telephones.’ On the plus side, some of the guys on the team showed me how to use it to get all the cute cat videos I could ever want. See? It’s a cat, but he’s riding around on top of the little floor-vacuum robot!” –JJ48

“Looks like the guy in panel two is going ‘Whooaa‘ in awe of Mark’s sick dance stylze.” –Pozzo

“‘…and place the mask carefully over your nose and mouth. If you are travelling with a child, place your own mask on before assisting your child.’ The flight attendant’s patter was lulling most of the passengers into boredom, but Rex and Brayden stared at each other with cold, cold eyes. A silent understanding. Maybe even a glimmering of respect. When this cabin loses pressure and the oxygen masks deploy from the overhead compartment, they both thought, you are on your own.” — Voshkod

“Oh crap. ‘Bobby’ has changed his name to ‘Robby’ to show the world he’s not taking its shit anymore. I’ll bet the confrontation between him and Gil will include this moment: Gil: ‘Bobby–‘ Robby: ‘YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS ROBBY.’” –Jenna

“For Mark Trail, the word ‘encounter’ means ‘to punch in the face with great force.’ He was utterly baffled by both Brief Encounter and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. And that time Cherry dragged him to an encounter group? Disaster!” –Joe Blevins

“‘MARY, comfortable and confident in her single life, eats alone and indulges in erotic fantasy. TOBY AND IAN, continuing their loveless sham of a marriage, eat in silence.’ It’s like the world’s most depressing Goofus and Gallant.” –Dan

“Early 2019 gives us a bald, bearded John Travolta and a — what do the youths call it? — a thicc Mark Trail. Could this be the rain of men that was foretold by the soothsayin’ Weather Girls?” –The Mighty Captain E

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