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Six Chix, 8/28/19

“It’s Funky Winkerbean. Something called ‘Lisa’s Story.'”

Dennis the Menace, 8/28/19

Dennis may be getting the hang of this “menace” thing. And Margaret’s intrigued.

Hägar the Horrible, 8/28/19

“OK, Lucky Eddie — check in with Dennis upstairs.”

Mark Trail, 8/28/19

Cherry is enjoying this far too much. She can’t wait to get back online at boards.4chan.org/woodsandwildlife and post, “Actually, Mark ….”

That’s it for me; Josh will be back rested and fresh as as a daisy tomorrow morning. Thank you all for a lovely time, and special thanks to everybody who contributed to the fundraiser — your support makes a big difference, and is much appreciated.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Crankshaft, 8/27/19

Consecutive days without a properly constructed joke in Crankshaft: 238  0.

Gasoline Alley, 8/27/19

Aside from shouting his name at everybody, Physician’s Assistant Peter Glabella‘s gimmick is empathetic imitation: he hurts when his patients hurt, burps when they burp, gets thirsty when they’re dehydrated. So we scoured Gasoline Alley for somebody he could imitate who isn’t insufferably annoying. No luck.

Pluggers, 8/27/19

Grammy Bear has banished her own son from the house for the abomination of marrying a kangaroo. Apparently he’s still allowed to use the outhouse.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Gil Thorp, 8/26/19

Four months later …

“Thanks, Marty — and I have to say, the Mudlarks really earned this championship! The season started rough when Sam Finn came back sick from his volunteer work in rural Haiti, but once he got out of the hospital his enthusiasm infected the whole team. We lost our running game, but at the slower pace of play our offense was unstoppable — I’ve never seen such a single-minded, determined group of kids. And they kept reminding themselves to play smart by yelling ‘BRAAAAAINS’ in the huddle. It really threw their opponents off! Pius X tried a completely ineffective crucifix-and-garlic defense; they must’ve thought they were playing some other team. New Thayer’s Crossbow-T formation gave us a lot more trouble, but our guys ate into their line until they came around. Well, heading off to the team dinner — they say they have a surprise for me!”

9 Chickweed Lane and Baby Blues, 8/26/19

Amos and Edda haven’t figured out whether they’re going to approach her pregnancy with a) cutie-pie relationship twaddle, b) vomit jokes, or c) yet more sex. Darryl and Wanda know the drill.

Mark Trail, 8/26/19

I will be very happy if Mark’s next adventure is tracking down and punching out some anonymous troll who torments Rusty online, so long as it’s not me.

— Uncle Lumpy