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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/31/19

Changes to health care policy are both politically contentious and incredibly complex to implement, with lots of unanticipated results both good and bad. For instance, increasing the number of insured in poor rural communities has documented benefits in terms of improved medical outcomes. But it also results in increased blood feuding! Can the social fabric in our beloved hollers withstand the increase in violent hillbilly-on-hillbilly crime that would inevitably follow in the wake of universal healthcare?

The Lockhorns, 5/31/19

You might be tempted to focus on Leroy’s puzzling assumption that a uniform shape is somehow a sign of a good set of pancakes, but I can’t stop thinking about who these people are and what they’re doing in the Lockhorns’ dining room at what we must assume is breakfast time. My guess is that they finally worked up the nerve to answer a personal ad on the local swingers website, and as their faces clearly show, have experienced an evening of harrowing discovery as a result.

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Gil Thorp, 5/30/19

Words can’t even describe how boring Spring 2019 Gil Thorp has been; the only thing less compelling than the A plot (“The softball team is trapped in an endlessly escalating cycle of kids wanting their banal hobbies being acknowledged as ‘too cool for school’”) is the B plot (“one of the girls is good enough at volleyball to get a full college scholarship to play it but not so good that she feels personally fulfilled”). Still, maybe things are looking up today, as Couch Mrs. Coach Thorp suggests that everyone’s problem can be solved by imposing an totalitarian mass surveillance state, or maybe by putting the pigs in charge of the farm, because how much worse a job can they do, really.

Family Circus, 5/30/19

“Mommy! When will the airtight dome over the Kompound be complete, finally protecting us from this fallen world and its filthy impurities?”

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Beetle Bailey, 5/29/19

Hey, remember like two weeks ago when General Halftrack looked back on his career with a certain nostalgic glow? Well, apparently when he was abruptly and involuntarily confronted with his life history, he learned that it’s actually not so fun to contemplate. Ha ha, look at his face in the second panel! He wishes that bus smeared him all over the asphalt and put him out of his misery. I’m very excited because it’s only Wednesday and Beetle Bailey Misery Week is escalating rapidly; let’s see how sad it can get!

Blondie, 5/29/19

These are the things that Dagwood loves, in ascending order: his children; Elmo, who’s not his child but with whom he spends an inordinate amount of time; his wife; and sandwiches. Thus, the punchline to today’s strip is an act of sycophancy that borders on the excruciating.

Mary Worth, 5/29/19

“Remember the good old days, before computers, when you could just pick up a guy at his mother’s funeral? Now you gotta get on the internet or whatever and learn how to upload a picture. This country’s going right into the toilet!”