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Dustin, 4/25/19

Sorry to youngsplain at you, Dustin’s Boomer Dad Whose Name I Refuse To Remember Or Look Up, but on the social networking service Twitter, a “tweet” is a post that’s publicly visible, or, if you have a locked account, a post that’s visible to your followers; a “direct message,” as the name implies, is private message visible only to the sender and recipient or recipients. Getting dumped in public has a very different emotional valence than the relative privacy of a direct message, so your “Dear John tweet” joke is inaccurate, and isn’t even as charming as wordplay as the more correct “Dear John DM” would be. Also, your son appears to be experiencing a real emotional crisis, as many people of all ages would if the romantic relationship they were in abruptly came to an end, but sure, the thing to focus on here is the website via which the message happened to be sent, so laff it up.

Mary Worth, 4/25/19

I love that, as Estelle unravels emotionally, Mary is just making unbroken eye contact with her phone while dropping this scam knowledge. “Look, Estelle, I know your boyfriend is on your phone and you think everything on phones is real. Well, my phone is telling me that your boyfriend is probably a fraud! Really makes you think, doesn’t it?”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/24/19

Hey, occasional Rex Morgan readers! Remember Edward, the cruel bully who pulled an “Emperor’s New Clothes” on Sarah’s art, but then Sarah raised up a rebellion against him, and then later Sarah got amnesia and then Edward became nice and protected Sarah, after she had to go to a public school? Well, I guess we’re back to another story about how bullying is bad, and also how the only thing that can stop a bad bully is a good bully, a good, huge bully who can just beat the ever-loving crap out of the bad bully, for justice.

Hi and Lois, 4/24/19

Gotta love how depressed Hi looks in this strip! At first you might think that it’s because Trixie doesn’t appreciate all the hard work he’s done to clean the windows and just foolishly attributes the stronger light coming into the house to “sun vitamins.” But of course, in-universe, the other Flagstons can’t “hear” or otherwise perceive the dialogue in Trixie’s thought balloons, because otherwise they’d know that they have a baby capable of fully adult cognition and they’d probably be much more freaked out. No, Hi is just depressed because chores suck and he doesn’t want to do them.

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Hi and Lois, 4/23/19

Wow, Hi is looking rough in that second panel. I’m assuming he failed to put the trash out last night because he was in the midst of receiving a brutal beating. Or maybe he’s contracted a fatal disease! Point is, he’s dying.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/23/19

Is the “joke” in today’s Funky Winkerbean supposed to be about Darrin and Mopey Pete charging people for their labor on Free Comic Book Day? Or is it about how nobody wants to talk to Les about his maudlin, depressing graphic novel, even though it’s a handsome hardback book and getting it for free is a $24.95 value. I sure hope it’s the second one. Definitely what made me cackle with glee was seeing Les sitting there awkwardly, fingers interlaced, waiting for someone to talk to him but nobody actually talking to him. I couldn’t give a shit about Darrin and Mopey Pete, to be real, but I definitely am here for Les Moore suffering.

Six Chix, 4/23/19

So, in our eternal reward in the afterlife, we don’t need to wish for things, presumably because we’ll just have them, but we’ll still be bald or need glasses or whatever and also we’ll still be keeping track of our ages, even though glorious eternity stretches out before us? This seems [does that laugh-snort like a nerd who’s just spotted an inconsistency with canon in a Star Trek episode] highly illogical [keeps laugh-snorting in an attempt to keep at bay the true unknowability of what happens to our consciousness, our very self, after the end of this short life]