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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/23/20

As near as I can tell, I think this tale of Truck and his persistent dry cough has always been a coronavirus story that, what with publishing lead times and slow-moving soap opera plots being outpaced by real-world developments, will just keep feeling a little behind the curve, so to speak, in the sense that suddenly we’re at the “oh no, people should be wearing masks!” stage of things. But what if it weren’t? What if this was written months ago, and it’s just a story about how Rex realized that he’s got a bunch of sick old people in his office, which is pretty gross when you think about it, and wouldn’t it be better to give them masks to wear? Just as a first step towards eventually not letting them in at all, of course.

Family Circus, 4/23/20

Well, the Keanes have already let their children read non-gender-specific literature, so I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise that they’re starting to learn about punctuation, aka “the Devil’s letters.”

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Crankshaft, 4/22/20

Crankshaft is once again returning to a favorite (?) theme, “Boy, people at Book Fairs sure are annoying, aren’t they?” Annoying enough to … murder? Maybe, if Lillian’s book title is any indication! Why would you antagonize someone at a book fair who specifically wrote about murdering people at book fairs? Move along to the next table, annoying lady, before it’s too late for you!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/22/20

But boys! Without this moment of mind-shattering terror you can never go through the transformation that causes you to become the Bat-Man! You’re abandoning your project just when you’re at the precipice of the psychological shift crucial to the character you’re trying to emulate! I sure hope you haven’t gone to all the trouble of having your parents murdered in front of you only to back out of this now!

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Mary Worth, 4/21/20

OK, I’m sorry, I hereby declare Hugo a fake French geek boy. Sure, one minute he’s sneering at America’s finest Broadway offerings, but the next he’s shouting “Gosh! I’m looking at a very big city from very high up!” like a rube from the sticks, when he should be sneering about how the Eiffel Tower is infinitely more daring aesthetically than this bland, glass-plated contemporary monolith. Say what you will about Jared being a Star Wars-addled nerdlinger, but at least he fully commits to the bit.

Gasoline Alley, 4/21/20

Ah, a song specifically about how urban modernity is more attractive both culturally and economically to most people than agricultural life! This is a great choice for a campaign theme, just not for the reasons they think.

Hi and Lois, 4/21/20

Hey, have you been wondering how the Flagstons are doing financially this year? Well, it turns out: not great!