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Dick Tracy, 11/5/18

There’s a lot that seems amiss to the history here, in the Neo-Chicago Parallel Universe. “Miller” is a very common Jewish surname, and talk of escaping the “poverty of the ghetto” seems to point further in that direction. But then we have talk of the “local Russian community,” which definitely isn’t the same thing as the local Jewish community, though I guess it could’ve been a term used for a neighborhood of Russian Jews in particular. I remember my grandmother, the child of Polish Jewish immigrants, telling me in fairly snooty terms about how uncouth some of her soon-to-be in-laws, who were Russian Jews, were, so there were definitely divisions within those communities, though while we’re at it Russian Jews would’ve for the most part come from a small shtetl in the countryside; it was Jews from elsewhere in Eastern Europe who lived in ghettos in big cities. Anyway, I guess I’m dancing around the real problem here, which is that panel two seems to imply that the Millers made the grueling overland trip from Russia to America over the frozen Bering Strait.

Six Chix, 11/5/18

Fun fact: Under British law, there’s two uses of the title “princess”: One is if you’re a daughter or a granddaughter of the sovereign, or a granddaughter of the heir to the throne, in which case the correct form of address is “Princess Charlotte of Cambridge”; the other is if you’re married to a prince, in which case the correct form of address is “Diana, Princess of Wales” or the like. Kate Middleton is considered a princess but takes her husband’s title so her formal address is “Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge,” and the only reason I know all this is that the people who edit Wikipedia pages about royalty fuckin’ love correcting people on this point with a special passion, especially when it comes to Princess Diana Diana, Princess of Wales, who they transparently despise. It’s also worth noting that Queen Elizabeth’s husband was born a prince of Greece but renounced his foreign royal titles upon getting engaged, and then wasn’t granted by special dispensation the right to be called “Prince Philip” until Elizabeth had been Queen for five years. I’m not sure what my point is here except that this comic strip is wrong even beyond the fact that any comic strip taken up entirely by pinkish diagrams of internal organs can be rightfully called “wrong.”

Mary Worth, 11/5/18

I’m actually kind of glad that this Mary Worth is going to face the fact that emotionally traumatized animals can be really rewarding to rescue but aren’t just plug-and-play instant perfect pets and need special care to really bring into their own. Anyway, that sure looks like a nice rug Saul has in his living room! It would be a shame if somebody anxiety-peed all over it, repeatedly.

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Spider-Man, 11/4/18

As hilarious as it would be if Spidey’s sad line in the final panel here were about his heartfelt commitment to the historic preservation of New York’s small architectural gems, in fact he’s anxious because the Mammon was the venue for MJ’s play; despite the fact that he whines endlessly about her making more money then him, they still need her Broadway earning power to, like, pay rent and such. Also, fun fact, MJ casually mentioned that due to theater repairs her play was “just going on hiatus for a couple of weeks” and that was two years ago, so they’re gonna need some more money quick.

Dennis the Menace, 11/4/18

So Dennis literally stole money out of Mr. Wilson’s wallet, leaving him unable to afford the medication he needs to live? That … that’s actually legitimately menacing. Congrats, Dennis, you’ve graduated from whimsy to theft!

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Marvin, 11/3/18

Maybe it’s just me, but when you see the phrase “mentoring Marvin” in isolation, parsing “mentoring” as a verbal noun with “Marvin” as its object — i.e., “the process of being a mentor to Marvin” — seems like a much more natural reading than parsing it as a verbal adjective modifying “Marvin” — i.e., “Marvin, the baby that goes around being a mentor.” But apparently I’m wrong! Apparently that’s not what’s happening here. Apparently people think that a heavy lidded cynic cruelly disabusing you of treasured beliefs that tie you to your loved ones counts as “mentoring” now. Apparently you can “have all the answers” even if you consistently and stubbornly refuse to learn how to poop in a toilet.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/3/18

A thing that I forgot to mention about the current Jordan and Michelle storyline in Rex Morgan, amongst all the stolen valor, is that a drunk guy tried to mug them but just ended up lunging at them and missing, and then it turned out that said drunk guy was an PTSD-afflicted vet who also went to high school with Jordan, and because Jordan had this pre-existing personal relationship with him he asked the judge to be lenient, which, isn’t it interesting how our supposedly objective system of justice is really informed in practice by the innumerable social ties that hold individuals together, but that’s neither here nor there because the important thing is that this dude is hallucinating! And Jordan has promised, without consulting Rex, that he can get this hallucinating dude in to see Rex, today! I am vibrating with glee imagining the scowl that Rex is going to grace us with on this one.