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Slylock Fox, 10/22/18

Welp, I guess we know now that when Slylock gets bored, he wanders on down to the marina to investigate some extremely low-stakes nautical crime. And in today’s strip he doesn’t even solve the mystery — he’s just about to do that irritating superdetective thing where he figures out something that he’s about to be told anyway, just to show how smart he is. Maybe I’m just bitter because, before I looked at the solution, I assumed crucial clue was going to be something about the knots. I’m not a nautical pro by any means, but those look like pretty janky knots, don’t they? Anyway, clearly the best part of today’s strip is Max Mouse hand-feeding worms, for which he presumably paid good money at the bait shop, to that happy fish. “Nothing matters, buddy” his glum expression seems to say. “Might as well chow down while you can.”

Marvin, 10/22/18

Finally, the dark truth about Marvin’s perpetual diaper-shitting is revealed: with competition for the Millers’ single bathroom among four adults already cutthroat, Jenny and Jeff simply can’t potty train their son, lest full-scale violence break out. He won’t be using a real toilet until one of his grandparents is cold and dead in the ground.

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Dennis the Menace, 10/21/18

But you couldn’t even follow through with that, could you, Mr. Wilson? You couldn’t just let him get bored and wander off. You had to argue with him from a second story window, at great length. You’re entirely complicit in this thoroughly dysfunctional relationship, sir.

Six Chix, 10/21/18

Six Chix is continuing on with its anti-bullying crusade, but I don’t think today’s lesson — “if you’re being bullied, console yourself with the thought that you’re too disgusting to be killed and eaten the way your delicious tormenters inevitably will be” — is really in the spirit of Unity Day.

Spider-Man, 10/21/18

Man, I know I make fun of Spider-Man’s general uselessness on this blog a lot, but it’s kind of shocking that it’s now explicit canon that you too can be as super-powered as he is, just by working out with Steve down at LA Fitness a couple times a week.

Panel from The Lockhorns, 10/21/18

Look at Leroy and Loretta’s expressions here. Do they look like people engaging in a little light banter? Nope. Leroy definitely tried to fuck those pies, right there in the frozen food aisle.

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Mary Worth, 10/20/18

Most medical practitioners are, or should be, trained to understand the interpersonal dynamics of patients under their care, and recognize when someone may be there against their will, possibly as part of scenario of domestic violence. Usually people don’t just come out and say “It’s not my decision to be here!” but that’d be a pretty strong signal, in my opinion! Fortunately for Mary, our hapless shelter worker hasn’t been trained to notice these telltale signs. “What a nice old man,” she thinks about a person loudly proclaiming he’s been kidnapped. “I wonder how many puppies he’s going to leave with?”

Hagar the Horrible, 10/20/18

The central gimmick of Hagar the Horrible, of course, is that it reproduces the tropes of mid-20th century American middle-class life (which have been largely ossified into place in newspaper comics even though they don’t always reflect the reality of 2018) in a 9th or 10th-century Scandinavian setting, and one of those tropes is of men retreating to a bar to escape their wives. Anyway, today’s Hagar acknowledges that these bars are depressing places that monetize misery, which just sort of takes what I’ve always taken as the subtext and makes it explicit.