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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/29/18

I know the convention in sequential art is to read word bubbles chronologically left to right. (At least that’s true in writing systems that work that way — do they go right to left in Hebrew or Arabic?) But still, I’d like to imagine that’s not happening panel two here. “Drawing scary stories for the funnybooks, huh?” “Yeah — it worked out pretty well in the long run. Turns out kids love looking at gruesome depictions of hideous monsters and undead fiends with rotting flesh, and that’s what I’m best at drawing. Speaking of which, I’d like to draw your p–” “QUITE A PLACE YOU HAVE HERE MRS. GILLIS, BUT WE SHOULD REALLY BE GOING”

Beetle Bailey, 6/29/18

So, to recap, Beetle can’t get enough of watching from the air as civilizations are bombed into oblivion, but isn’t thrilled about being sent into the ruined cities to kill off the hardy few who managed to survive the killbots and throw all the corpses onto piles to be burned. Sarge is right: he really does have a bad work ethic.

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Family Circus, 6/28/18

I have to say that I really, unironically enjoy today’s Family Circus, and what sells it for me is the children’s faces of genuine and visceral disgust. Then there’s the fact that cats generally are, over short distances, faster than people, but the Keane Kids still managed to beat Kittycat inside, almost as if she were struggling to drag in something very large, perhaps larger than herself. Is it a human arm? I’m hoping it’s a human arm.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/28/18

The joke here is of course that Darin has offloaded childcare duties on his elderly mother, who already had her hands so full caring for her stroke-striken and paralyzed husband that she had to quit the job she loved, and now she’s just completely exhausted and her grandchild is running around the house largely unsupervised! But I think it’s worth pointing out that, just to add a little color to today’s narrative, Darin and Mopey Pete are slouching across the street in the pouring rain, having neglected to bring protective clothing or umbrellas for whatever reason. Just putting that special Funkyverse twist of abject misery on proceedings!

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Gil Thorp, 6/27/18

So, I’ve mentioned this before, but Gil Thorp seems to be becoming increasingly unmoored from the rhythm of the school year, with baseball season stretching on interminably, wacky summer plots falling by the wayside, and the cleansing fall bonfire absent for the past two years. The result is that it’s almost July and we’re just now getting around to discussing Kevin Pelwecki’s college situation. Turns out that despite his amiably dopey exterior, he actually has middlingly decent good grades that got him accepted to the flagship state university of whatever state’s Milford’s in! Now I guess Gil’s going to dazzle State U’s baseball, or possibly football, coach with his fame to get Kevin a walk-on spot in the fall. Yay for Kevin! NOW LET’S BRING ON THE SUMMER, which will I guess be dominated by the headlines that a guy who killed a teen with his car isn’t a nice man.

Mark Trail, 6/27/18

I don’t know about you, but one of my longstanding fantasies is to watch a leering red-headed Ted Cruz try to flirt with an academic by asking about cutting-edge archaeological techniques, and that fantasy has now been … fulfilled, and it was everything I could’ve hoped for!

Crock, 6/27/18

That’s right, everyone: ladies all want to fuck the Batmobile! Only the syndicated newspaper comic strip Crock is brave enough to speak this truth, everyone else is too “politically correct.”