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Dennis the Menace, 4/24/18

A question continually bedevils longtime readers of Dennis the Menace, in whose cursèd company I sadly count myself: why does Mr. Wilson allow Dennis, his most hated enemy, to spend so much time in his home, disrupting the peace in retirement that he has earned? Today’s panel gives us a glimpse at the answer: Mr. Wilson employs Dennis as the loathsome equivalent of a shabbas goy, using the child as an assistant in the sorts of tasks that would already fill him with distaste or unease, so that he can shift his anger from himself to Dennis. Perhaps allowing Mr. Wilson to play out this twisted dynamic rather than facing his own emotions honestly is one of the most menacing things Dennis has done.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/24/18

You know what they say — never meet your heroes! They say this because you’ll learn that they eat food in restaurants and have ideas in places that exist in the real world, rather than existing as creatures of pure mind, I guess? I guess that’s what they mean, based on this Funky Winkerbean, which is otherwise incomprehensible?

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Spider-Man, 4/23/18

Welp, as of last week almost all of the dramas in the current Spider-Man plot had been resolved — Dr. Connors is no longer the Lizard, Bruce Banner can once again turn into the Hulk, and we’re all just going to agree to not talk about whatever the implications of that whole blood transfusion swap business were. All that’s left is Jameson’s threat to out Connors as the Lizard, even though we just established that he wasn’t the Lizard any more. Spider-Man came up with an actually effective, if extremely brutal, solution to this problem, which was to leave Jameson in the swamp to die, but now that the cowardly publisher has promised on fear of his life not to do the bad thing he was threatening to do, I guess they’re going to let him live. Definitely he’s completely dependable on this point and will honor a pledge extracted from him under duress! All that’s left for us to learn is whether Spidey’s extremely efficient “carry the other two guys out of the swamp tucked under your arms” transportation method can scale up to three guys.

Pluggers, 4/23/18

Pluggers are just completely insufferable. Straight-up narcissists. When you have a conversation with a plugger, is he really listening to you? Does he care about you, as a person? He most definitely does not.

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Dennis the Menace, 4/22/18

Acting as if minor changes in consumer behavior can solve major structural societal problems? Pretty darn menacing, if you ask me.

Pluggers, 4/22/18

THEORY: The pluggers most like to care about the welfare of animals … are the ones who are beginning to suspect that they themselves are animals.

Slylock Fox, 4/22/18

“None of those ingredients are real! Plus, eternal existence would eventually become a curse! Without the rise and fall of generations, society would be sapped of its vitality! Without death, there can’t be any true life! Please listen, you’ve got to believe me!”