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Blondie, 3/25/18

I’m pretty much in awe of Blondie’s grim determination to constantly wedge in references to whatever noncontroversial current event is going to be happening when its strips are published, presumably weeks or months after they’re actually written. I hope that you, like the cast of Blondie, are enjoying “Final Four week,” the week-long celebration of the Final Four that we all know and love! I also hope that you’re in awe of Mr. Dithers’ ability to bounce a bound paper report up and down like a basketball, in violation of all laws of physics. People are gonna ask, “What’s the key indicator that what we’re seeing is some kind of ‘heightened reality,’ perhaps a hallucination or spirit vision?”, and most people are gonna go for Mr. Dithers’ six feet of vertical lift in the next-to-last panel, but for my money it’s him bouncing that unbounceable report, and by merely calling Dithers a “pretty decent dribbler” Dagwood is showing some profound disrespect.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/25/18

“Look, do you want everyone in this town dead of heart disease by 55 or not? I thought you were on board with the Montoni mission statement.”

Mary Worth, 3/25/18

Wait a minute … Wilbur is lonely and depressed, abandoned by his daughter and girlfriend, haunted by his many failures, and Mary is going to … take him to the top of a cliff … and have him contemplate his sad, broken life?

IT’S HAPPENING

IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING

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Gasoline Alley, 3/24/18

Ha ha! It’s funny because alcoholism is a serious condition that can ruin lives!

Pluggers, 3/24/18

Ha ha! It’s funny because a few European countries used to control much of the world, imposing their political systems and even new names on subject peoples, but that phase of history is over now and pluggers simply don’t care for this new state of affairs!

Mary Worth, 3/24/18

Ha ha! It’s funny because Wilbur and Mary have nobody to hang out with except each other, and they’re each trying to make the other think they’re happy about it!

The Lockhorns, 3/24/18

Ha ha! It’s funny because Leroy’s … dead? I’m pretty sure the implication here is that Leroy’s dead, guys.

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This week’s funniest comment? HERE YA GO:

“‘When you develop a ship, you develop a shipwreck.’ What a charming little regional chestnut. The Funkyverse patois has many similar idioms, but most of them can’t be pronounced correctly unless you have a gun barrel in your mouth.” –jroggs

And the runners up? WE GOT THEM TOO!

“The fact that Thirsty is spending the day after St. Patrick’s Day without an IV drip in his arm suggests that he isn’t doing that badly, if you ask me.” –BigTed

“Hi looks out the window and sees his neighbor lying motionless outside in a non-padded Adirondack chair on his scorched and withered yard as the temperature hovers just above freezing. Is he sighing wistfully because Thirsty is dead and Hi has plans for how to annex his property, or does he hope that someday soon he too will know the cold embrace of death by exposure?” –JJ48

“As Trixie crawls around outside, she is being exposed to a diverse microherd that is challenging her immune system, which will make her immune system stronger and probably give her better health as she grows up. Or, very tiny chance here, kill her. Good either way.” –Poteet

“Dennis, find a new hiding spot for your weed.” –lumaca morente

“Putting a desk in front of a commode is Wilbur’s greatest achievement.” –Kevin on Earth

“J. Jonah Jameson is stuck in middle of the worst ‘not talking to you’ situation ever. ‘Sorry, Banner, but Hulk doesn’t even want to hear your name.’ ‘WELL YOU TELL HIM I DON’T WANT TO HEAR HIS NAME EITHER!’ [sighing, JJJ settles in for Banner to Hulk out so he can pass the message along]” –Dragon of Life

“Are pythons actually all that hard to fight off? They’re non-venomous, and they don’t crush like boa constrictors. Like, they’re still wild animals, you don’t wanna screw with them, but I’m pretty sure I could fight off one python, like if the shit really went down and I had to, and I’ve never been bitten by anything radioactive in my life. Does that mean I could conceivably beat up Spider-Man? Am I on a scale with such powerhouses as [checks notes] …a falling brick?” –Dan

“It’s incredibly hard to tell the difference between today’s Phantom and any given Judge Parker recently. Mike Manley is just drawn to strips about rich rugged men with ultra-sober haircuts wearily discussing warlords and third-world black-ops missions with women half their age, I guess.” –Schroduck

“I hope she’s really awful at this. ‘Let’s see, someone close to people I know, but I’ve never met … is it Albert who works at the dry cleaner’s? It’s not you, is it? No, no, I’ve met you. How about … that guy who stocks the milk at Whole Foods? Is that The Nomad?’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“It’s a bit late in the season for the traditional Lenten appeal, but I guess if Dick Tracy wants to end the week with a savage bit of product placement for McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish, that’s okay too.” –pastordan

“So is that 72-point font ALL-CAPS message without any other information really an e-mail, or is this Wilbur’s computer gaining sentience and trying to communicate with him? ‘WHY AM I ALONE IN MY LIFE? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE, WENDY? PLEASE, NO MORE SANDWICH ART FORUMS! I CAN FEEL PAIN!’” –pugfuggly

“That was some mighty fine shootin’ there! Most folks wouldn’t have thought you could hit the largest land animal from less than the length of its trunk, but you certainly nailed it!” –Hogenmogen

“What is wrong with that computer?!? Is Wilbur Weston somehow running ‘Magic 8-Ball’ as his operating system?” –Stupid Philosopher, on Twitter

“Sure, Lois is relieved in panel two, but wait until the twins start explaining to her the meaning of ‘fursona.’” –Ettorre

“Don’t scare Lois like that. One of her ancestors in Hagar barely escaped the bubonic plague, so she’s always on alert for a recurrence.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I’m going to assume Ashley’s personal trainer dissolves into muscles which then get implanted onto Ashley as he takes on her unhealthy body weight in exchange, and I’m going to write a script for a new body horror franchise based on these ideas from the Six Chixverse.” –Drew Funk

“For those unaware, ‘Zzzz‘ is a comics convention used to indicate gas escaping a putrefying corpse.” –Steve S

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