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Mary Worth, 5/18/26

A thing about soap opera comic strips is that it’s very difficult to understand how we’re supposed to read the passage of time. Like, Tommy’s big drug storyline happened over literally a few weeks of real-life time and seemingly even less time in-universe: he arrived at his mother’s condo unit, mentally set his intention to become a methamphetamine manufacturer, sold a kid some drugs, the kid immediately OD’d, and then Tommy got arrested. Later, he came back to Charterstone after he did his time and has been doing his thing for years ever since, mostly on the up and up except for a little detour into the prescription opioid scene.

So what’s Dawn’s problem? Admittedly, everyone has been more or less the same age for decades in this strip so you have to imagine that less time has passed for her, but still, she seems to have a real personal chip on her shoulder about Tommy’s bad behavior. Not sure if the blond kid who overdosed on Tommy’s bootleg “stuff” had been in her sights as her next romantic victim, or if he tried selling her some baking soda claiming it was “the good shit,” but either way something happened between the two of them that she has not forgiven.

Heathcliff, 5/18/26

BIG NEWS: Heathcliff has … a sister? Who looks exactly like him except she has a bow in her hair? And the two of them are doing fishcrime together? More on this story as it develops.

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Heathcliff, 5/5/26

The oldest references to cherubim in the bible seem to imagine them as winged half-animal, half-human creatures that guard or carry the throne of the deity, and similar iconography is visible across the ancient Near East. Ezekiel, during the Exile, had a famous vision of cherubim as terrifying multi-faced beings, possibly borrowed from Babylonian imagery; after the Exile, as Jewish theology began to conceive of God as more and more remote and less human-like, an array of semi-divine angelic beings started becoming important as intercessors, at which point cherubim became part of the “inner circle” of angels, close to God’s throne and intellect. This angelology was eventually adapted by Christians, and, thanks to Renaissance painters adopting the imagery of Greek and Roman putti (winged child-like figures), cherubs eventually became the cute little guys we associate with them today, though still strongly associated with their proximity to God. What I’m asking is: Is Heathcliff a divine being? Will He soon transcend away from our experience, leaving behind the cherubim he created in His image to relay to us commandments about what kind of helmets we are to wear, and when?

The Lockhorns, 5/5/26

As a frequent public transit user, I think people’s worry about crime on public transit is largely overblown, but there are definitely dangers to look out for. Like, for instance, what if Leroy Lockhorn just started blathering on at you about how he can’t keep up with the slang the kids use these days, and your stop is miles away? Not the sort of thing that’ll happen to you in your car, I’ll say that.

Judge Parker, 5/5/26

“I mean, we’re not here, so it’s not like we have any idea how good a job you’re doing. But we know you have low self-esteem and will do pretty much any annoying job if people compliment you for it, so we’re giving that a shot.”

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Heathcliff, 4/22/26

One thing I love about newspaper comic strips is that they’re full of visual signifiers that are multiple generations out of date at this point but just kind of stick around out of inertia, which would confuse any young people reading them if young people still read the comics. Until the medium is truly dead, everyone will have bone-in hams in their refrigerators and everyone will simply dump their garbage into a metal can, without even putting it in a plastic bag first, until it merges together in a grotesque brown slurry. Did you know that garbage slurry is viscous enough to serve as a powerful adhesive? Heathcliff does, and he’s made it his artistic medium.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/22/26

I’m not sure what’s sadder: that Mud only likes two restaurants in this town where he hangs out a lot, one of which just reopened for the first time in years, or that Mae Mae lived in Los Angeles, where some of the best and most interesting restaurants in the country do delivery via DoorDash, and yet has ordered nothing but pizza for the last decade.

Mary Worth, 4/22/26

[ONE WEEK LATER]

“Dad, I’m not sure how to say this, but I talked to Aaron and the boys, and, well…”

“Oh, don’t even worry, dear. I’m actually going to be moving in with my new girlfriend, Busty. There’s just the small issue of working out the complications with her visa!”