I normally only mention the anonymous toilers who add color to the daily strips when they egregiously screw up, so let’s give big props to whoever had the job of dealing with today’s Archie. Not only did they notice the severed foot laying casually atop the debris that Jughead has layered on his floor to block his parents’ access to his room/slaughter chamber, but they chose the perfect off-pink color to represent human flesh that’s just begun to putrefy.
The city of Treetops consists of habitations scattered across the tops of trees, as the name and also just about every Shoe strip published in the last 39 years demonstrate. Rubber comes from trees, and Treetops is inhabited entirely by bird-people. Thus, this is a news item about a rapacious corporation that is going to stop destroying the townsfolk’s homes and will now move on to literally extracting profits from their bodies.
Mark Trail, 4/26/16
Mark and his fellow cave-captives have spent the last week wandering around this cavern marveling at the miracles of nature that created these gorgeous, enormous crystals. Today they figure they should get a mining corporation in here and make a quick buck. Everybody needs sheetrock!
OH MY GOD
PLUGGER LINGERE IS ADULT DIAPERS
BECAUSE PLUGGERS DON’T DRESS SEXILY, AND ALSO ARE INCONTINENT
IF I HAD TRIED TO COME UP WITH A VICIOUSLY CRUEL PARODY OF PLUGGERS, I NEVER WOULD HAVE COME CLOSE TO THIS
Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/11/16
Well, looks like we’re done with the “Rex Acquires Real Estate and Breaks Hearts” and “Dementia Sure Is Depressing” storylines for the moment and are moving on to your favorite and mine, “Everything’s Coming Up Sarah Morgan — Forever.” The relationship between Sarah and her minder is reaching new heights of passive aggression: Kelly notes with with cheerful surprise that Sarah hadn’t been physically assaulted on her first day of school, despite her terrible personality, and Sarah demands to transcend her physical limitations and sit up front like the big girl she has bullied her private school administration into declaring her to be.
Mark Trail, 4/11/16
Oh hey guys, I know it’s been a while since we checked in with Mark Trail’s exciting cave adventure! And today we have … uh … Karst processes … gypsum … you know what, I’ll just let you know when the punching starts up again.
Well, this seems relatively harmless, and … wait, what’s that say?
Mark Trail, 3/16/16
Only in Mark Trail could the hunky protagonist get away with urging the shapely female guest star, already standing unnaturally so as to emphasize her bosom and posterior, to crawl away from him so he could get a good look. Anyone else would be transparently exploiting an extremely dangerous scenario to sexually humiliate a poor woman, but we all know that Mark has never thought about sex in his life. His advice must be entirely practical here. Don’t worry, Carina, you’re in safe hands. Safe and entirely unerotic hands.
Dick Tracy, 3/16/16
Again, not really engaging much with this storyline, but wanted to point out that Dick’s new detective pals work for authoritarian regimes and are very impressed by US surveillance technology.
Family Circus, 3/16/16
Alright, who had “7” in the “how early would Billy peak, intellectually” pool?