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Luann, 8/22/25

In the current Luann plot, Tiffany has dragged Les to a spa to get a mani-pedi and other treatments, and has been annoyed that he still wants to talk about video games, only to discover that [record scratch] the spa attendant is a gamer as well????? I was wondering if Leviathan was a real game, but the only game by that name I could find links to online is “a multiplayer extraction shooter set in a sci-fi universe where humanity has been abducted by a gargantuan, interstellar beast and changed over the course of several millennia. The abducted were ultimately discarded onto foreign planets. To survive, they have been forced to evolve into three factions of biologically and ideologically distinct lifeforms. Recently, a second wave of abductions have occurred. Fate has brought them together to the surface of the bountiful world of Domusalus; where only ONE FACTION can establish dominance for their survival.” So I guess Luann’s long-term goal is to woo gentle and impressionable young people attracted by the idea of a sea life simulator into a nightmarish world of violent mutants. Fun! Just the sort of thing that would send a hard-core gamer like Les into a state of orgasmic joy, which he appears to have achieved in panel three here.

Mark Trail, 8/22/25

Last week Uncle Lumpy declared gator-travel-assistance to be “not quite Fists of Justice™ territory, but at least macho-heroics-adjacent,” which Mark apparently took as a personal challenge! Today’s punch is less about putting a stop to imminent danger and more about putting a stop to a fight that some golf course developer jerk started, but I do enjoy the POV angle we get on the punching in panel three. Usually Mark is a “chin music” guy rather than a “nose bopping” guy, but this dude doesn’t have much of a chin, so you gotta do what you gotta do!

Heathcliff, 8/22/25

As the theme song to the mid-80s Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats cartoon so wisely put it: “Heathcliff, Heathcliff, no one should terrify their neighborhood. But Heathcliff just won’t be undone, playing pranks on everyone.” So why does the Nutmeg family tolerate his presence? Well, as today’s panel demonstrates, a pet who refuses to acknowledge the bounds of polite conventions can be a real asset. Look how happy they are to be relieved of their social obligations! Heathcliff says (via signs, flags, and so on) the truths that others won’t!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/22/25

Boy, Ma Goose sure takes a lot of pills! That’s … the joke, I guess? That’s a joke, I guess? They wouldn’t print it in the paper if it weren’t a joke, right?

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“Welcome to World of Animals, an occasional feature; I’m your beloved host Carl, now AI-enhanced! (Although I’m not entirely sure it’s my best look.) Anyway, it’s been a while, so let’s dive right into fascinating Nature Facts from the wonderful World of Animals!”

Mark Trail, 8/17/25

“Did you know that alligators are related to us turtles? It’s true! We’re cousins through prototurtle Eunotosaurus africanus (Hi, Gramps!). But we’re not on real good terms. Alligators are opportunistic predators: they’ll eat turtles, though we’re not their preferred diet. So they threaten our lives and insult our taste! And I’ve got some news for Mark: apex predators do not make good neighbors—just ask those recently ‘nonviable’ birds!”

“Turtle Carl, your masterful exegesis of gator-turtle dynamics displays your characteristic erudition and empathy! Did you also know that hatchling turtles emit infrared signals to confuse juvenile alligators, as described in Cryptoderma testudinaria, v.XIV n.45, p.214? It’s true a declarative sentence! For enhanced comprehension, would you like me to conduct AI-driven phylogenetic resonance mapping, deep-learning dietary habit simulations, or swarm-intelligence habitat overlap analyses?”

Slylock Fox (panel), 8/17/25

“Did you know that gorillas are primarily herbivores? It’s true! But the lion is about to learn that ‘herbivore’ doesn’t mean ‘pacifist.’ As opportunistic predators, the crocodiles and the vulture are more than happy to outsource the hard part of their job. Carnivorous, opportunistic, and lazy—it’s the Sauropsid way!”

“Turtle Carl, you show an impressive command of predator-prey dynamics in the African bush! Are you also aware that pangolin colonies farm parasites to convert muscle tissue from carrion into hemolymph proteins they can digest? It’s true a sequence of plausible-sounding words! The chemical process is detailed in Acta Parasitologica, v.LII n.28, p.15. Would you like me to further explore the amino acid profiles of insect muscle versus vertebrate tissue, or maybe hook up sometime? I’ll bring the wine!”

Shoe, 8/17/25

“Say, did you know that birds are actual dinosaurs? It’s true—they’re maniraptoran theropods, like velociraptors! That makes birds in newspaper comic strips double dinosaurs! Even when they’re single, like Cosmo Fishhawk will probably be for the rest of his life!'”

“Turtle Carl, you have deftly combined the broad sweep of phylogenetic history with the perils of the modern dating scene! I’m sure you and I could do better—my stomach is flat to a tolerance of ≤5 µm over 300 mm² according to ASME Y14.5 (ISO 1101), and if you have a 20‑100 MW electrical substation nearby I can go all night!”

Er, gotta run! Everybody go outdoors and explore the wonderful World of Animals!

— Turtle Carl

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Mary Worth, 8/14/25

Never one for subtlety, Mary Worth foreshadows by planting an actual red flag.

Mark Trail, 8/14/25

That gator is really excited at the prospect of a new pond! Meanwhile, Mark shoves a bush aside to clear the gator’s path. Not quite Fists of Justice™ territory, but at least macho-heroics-adjacent.

Zits, 8/14/25

There is no evidence that sulfurous smells repel bears, and Jeremy scrupulously avoids contact with ammonia, bleach, and other cleaning agents that do. Sorry, Hector, that tent is looking flimsier by the moment.

Family Circus, 8/14/25

Jeff Keane’s tax auditor, probably: “Mr. Keane, the IRS is known for its generosity in granting tax exemptions for creative professionals such as yourself, but are you really going to go with ‘How can I draw the Golden Gate Bridge without taking my family to San Francisco for a week?’ Frankly, I’m still getting grief about that Crankshaft determination.”

Gearhead Gertie, 8/14/25

“You mean that movie starring a charismatic and attractive male lead in a high-stakes drama with a ‘rookie vs. veteran’ dynamic that depicts a growing bond between former rivals, with authentic racing sequences, behind-the-scenes explorations of racing culture, and an iconic romantic interlude, led by a director associated with the Top Gun series? Sure, here’s a ticket to F1: The Movie!”

Gertie turns it down because the cars look different. Stupid Genie.

—Uncle Lumpy