HELLO EVERYBODY! Thank you all for being so well-behaved while your beloved Uncle Lumpy was here and in charge! I’m back from my journey and what did I find in the mail when I returned home but some FABULOUS MAGNETS from MAGNET-MEISTER MATT CROWE!
Those of you who have been patiently awaiting magnets (and possibly tote bags) since the spring fundraiser will be getting yours soon! They’ll be in the mail by the end of the week.
Anyway! Let’s get back to what we’re all here for: comics in which a shark is covered in bleeding open sores!
Mark Trail, 7/29/15
Ha ha, that last image is … something, right? Like, last we saw this shark, it just had some mild scarring, but now it’s just straight-up bleeding all over the place. Who knew nature could be so gross! I did, actually, which is why I never go outside if it all possible and shriek like a terrified child if some non-human lifeform manages to get into my house.
Apartment 3-G, 7/29/15
Oh, hey, don’t forget that before Greg was Margo’s boyfriend, he and Lu Ann went on a some dates and did some weird sex (?) stuff, which Margo claimed a little too loudly not to care about. Should we stoke those fires of jealousy for plot-engine purposes again, only much more confusingly, in keeping with Apartment 3-G 2015 style? Sure, why not!
Funky Winkerbean, 7/29/15
Yesterday, Past Lisa was finally on the verge of figuring out that Future Lisa is Dead Lisa, which means that today we’re cutting quickly over to … Past Les. Because remember, the most important thing about Lisa is that she died/will die, and the most important thing about her death is how it affected/will affect Les. Verb tenses get weird when time travel is involved, but some things are eternal.
Hi and Lois, 7/29/15
“Try not to make noise. The Skinner Box experiment is reaching day five, and while all of Trixie’s material needs have been met, we don’t want her knowing that other human beings exist outside her enclosure. It will mess up the data.”
Speaking of babies who should be placed into isolation chambers, Marvin is visiting a farm, I guess? Ha ha, the joke is that Marvin is like a disgusting, filthy animal! Sometimes I think this strip hates its title character almost as much as I do.
Lots of comics testing their traditional boundaries today. Check it out:
Mark Trail, 7/23/15
Slowly, with predator-like stealth, Mark Trail’s Sunday Nature strips have moved beyond their traditional range to invade and conquer the week. Tiny steps, at first – panels just a little larger, audience distracted by an African vista or boat explosion. Then the wildlife — foreground animals starting with bugs, then rodents, a comical lynx, then POW! A fin whale, right in your face!
Next comes dialog, and (like most dialog) this won’t go well for Mark: “They are known for attacking their own kind. Not like the FIN WHALE, a peaceful member of the RORQUALS, all of which have dorsal fins and throat grooves! Ken has been fishing these waters a long time … I’m confident he knows THE WHALE IS NOT A FISH … or else he wouldn’t be a fisherman but a WHALER, BRINGING THESE MAGNIFICENT CREATURES TO THE EDGE OF EXTINCTION, right? Hahaha wait what’s happening? Are those villains at NOAA behind this? I bet they are!”
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/23/15
Doc Pritchart is a dentist? Why?
Mary Worth, 7/23/15
Huh? A change of mind can’t be forced? Mary, have you completely forgotten what you’ve been doing for the past seventy-seven years? It is your brand, lady.
I sure hope this isn’t a move toward a kinder, gentler strip in which Mary minds her own business, keeps more and more to herself, and gradually withdraws into privacy of her room until a passerby notices that the talc-and-salmon smell outside her door has developed a distinct undertone ….
Meanwhile, AdamandTerry, get a room, wouldja?
– Uncle Lumpy
Mark Trail, 7/20/15
Mark works out his resentment of his editor’s new office by abusing his expense account.
Apartment 3-G, 7/20/15
“I mean I’m going to garrotte her in an alley, dissolve her flesh in lye, crush her bones to powder, and dump the slurry in a river. Honestly, mother, sometimes it’s like you don’t know me at all!”
Slylock Fox, 7/20/15 (solution inverted)
Psst, Shady … tell Slylock you cooled them in the stream. Then offer him one, and invite him to sit down and cool his feet. You know how things work around there.
9 Chickweed Lane, 7/20/15
9 Chickweed Lane parodies the eponymous rabbit from Harvey, on the theory that the strip needs a character even more irritating than the regular cast.
– Uncle Lumpy