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The Phantom, 10/31/26

Hey, sorry I haven’t been keeping you up on The Phantom, but the short version of what you missed is that transparent Elon Musk standin Ian Mollusk’s AI system has gone rogue, melting the Python’s brain and leaving him feeble and docile rather than the anti-Phantom killer Mollusk envisioned, and also escaping into Mollusk’s refrigerator somehow. Today’s strip honestly tickles me because, yeah, the Nomad’s been in Gitmo for years and, yeah, a lot’s happened in that time! They don’t let you read the newspaper in there! He’s still catching up!

Mary Worth, 10/31/26

Really love how Tommy realized at the last possible moment that he has to say that he never believed Mary and Ian were actually having an affair. Obviously Mary knows better, but he just got under the wire for plausible deniability so Mary isn’t honor bound to eviscerate him right here at his place of employment, yet.

Hagar the Horrible, 10/31/26

Oh, also, it’s Halloween! Got any big plans? Hagar and Helga decided to host an Eyes Wide Shut style masked orgy at their house, which wouldn’t have been my choice but, you know what, I don’t judge.

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Mary Worth, 10/2/26

To me, “Toby gets some parrots and Ian melts down about it” was basically a perfect Mary Worth storyline. But for those who would demand that it be justified as serving some larger purpose, may I present today’s strip, in which one of the accursed birds introduced into this setting by that storyline mimics Ian’s adulterous sex moans while Toby is in a particularly vulnerable state.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/2/26

I had sort of forgotten that Mud Mountain Murphy wasn’t already living in Glenwood, what with him seemingly being there all the time. But, big news, he’s going to be living in Glenwood now! Exciting stuff and a real addition to the local roots country scene. You’re on the email list, right? If you’re not, don’t worry, you’re just going to run into him everywhere. It’s not really that big a town.

The Phantom, 10/2/26

Holy crap, it turns out that mysterious masked figure “Ignis Vindicta” is in fact “Ian Mollusk,” the Phantomverse’s transparent Elon Musk standin! Who could have possibly predicted this shocking development? Oh, what’s that you say, it was predicted on this very blog by me back in July and by everyone in my comments section for weeks before that? Interesting, interesting.

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The Phantom, 9/11/26

Happy Friday, everybody! I was going to explain the backstory to today’s Phantom to those who haven’t been reading along, but, you know what? Snakes, aliens, devil-Phantoms, screaming, flames … this right here is art and it doesn’t need any explanation. Just let it wash over you! Let loose with an enthusiastic “YAAAAHHHH!!!” while you’re at it. The weekend is almost here!

Marvin, 9/11/26

Marvin’s grandmother lives with her husband in an apartment building for which she has to write the newsletter because the Great Financial Crisis wiped out all their retirement savings, which forced them to briefly move in with Marvin’s parents (an episode for which their son-in-law has never forgiven them) before eventually settling into their current digs. Sometimes I feel like I must be one of the only people on earth walking around with this amount of Marvin lore in their heads, but I’m pleased to learn that the strip’s current creative team at least remembers that they’re too poor to live in one of the nicer apartment buildings that gets first dibs on the bingo guy.

Mary Worth, 9/11/26

Damn, Nelly must be a true master of the gossiping arts. How else can you explain the fact that Alma has gone in mere minutes from “So what?” to “Wow, that Worth lady always seems so proper, but if you say she and Prof. Cameron were engaged in full penetration intercourse right there in her car in the Charterstone parking lot, I have no choice but to believe you! I guess you can never really tell about a person!”

Daddy Daze, 9/11/26

Men will literally project a truly awful death-related pun onto the nonsense “ba” syllables their children produce rather than going to therapy so they can deal with their grief at losing a parent. It’s sad!