Post Content

The Phantom, 2/20/26

Many years ago, the Jungle Patrol was all-male, until early 2008 when it got gender-integrated by a plucky lady cop/waitress duo. How’s that working out? Well, this young female officer is busy kicking a would-be warlord in the face, so that’s good, and the Patrol’s Unknown Commander is just kind of sitting there watching with a little smile on his face, which is a little unsettling. Is this sexual, for him? Is it even possible to understand what “sexual” means for a guy who’s the product of a 22-generation eugenic breeding program and who lives in Africa and wears a skintight spandex suit constantly?

Luann, 2/20/26

Speaking of sexual bits that newspaper comics have been doing since George W. Bush was president, Luann is doing a tale of ribaldry about Tiffany and Ox (he’s a new-ish character and his thing is he’s a gentle giant, don’t worry about it) washing Ox’s rescue puppy and getting deliciously wet in the process and I can’t believe I just typed that, gross. Anyway, I’m mostly posting this because I think the panel where Ox is sticking the hair dryer up his shirt is pretty funny. It’s just a weird angle! He’s warming his belly button specifically! Is this sexual, for him? Is it even possible to understand what “sexual” means for a guy who is a character in Luann, a realm beyond the sexuality event horizon where horniness is distorted by extreme levels of gravity into formations that scientists can’t even begin to describe?

Post Content

The Phantom, 1/25/26

Hey, remember the Sunday Phantom storyline that started like eight months ago when a city kid visiting her Wambesi country relatives crossed a mysterious and ominous boundary known to local lore? Well, a lot happened after that, and I can’t remember what happened to that kid exactly, but it turns out there’s a weird Time Travel Zone where a World War II-era German plane just kept circling by over and over again and almost crashing before disappearing until our hero flew up there and rescued the American saboteur onboard and delivered him to a modern world that will no doubt baffle and horrify him, where he’s stuck forever. “Good luck, Major Bauer!” the Ghost Who Encounters Time Travel But Doesn’t Really Understand It said, before retiring to the Chronicle Chamber and writing an entry for his successors that says “Time travel, boy, I dunno.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/25/26

Oh, man, oh man, Rex is going to be wheeled out of eye surgery whining about how he’s been inconvenienced and then find out his kid had to have his appendix out, and he’ll know he’s not allowed to want everyone to feel sorry for him but he’s still going to want everyone to feel sorry for him. He won’t complain but I predict we’re going to see levels of Rex Morgan Pissyface scientists previously believed to be impossible.

Post Content

Andy Capp, 12/13/25

Hartlepool is part of the Tees Valley Combined Authority, a conurbation of 700,000 people in the far northeast of England, and it’s frankly sad that brain surgeons are so thin on the ground there that this young (?) woman would call the profession “exotic.” Ditto for pilots, especially given the poor state of the British rail system! Anyway, I used to read Andy Capp as a kid and one of the strip’s running bits that puzzled and disturbed me the most was when women at the pub would flirt with Andy. How old were they supposed to be? Were we supposed to read them as attractive? Didn’t they know he’s married? These questions still haunt me today, but not as much as this woman’s unnaturally located and shaped breasts, which I think is a 21st century addition to the strip.

The Phantom, 12/13/25

Hey, kids, were you wondering what the Phantom was up to? Well, there’s a lot of plot I haven’t gotten into over the past few months, but frankly you don’t have to know about any of it to enjoy this drawing of him just firing two pistols down a hallway at nobody in particular. The Phantom: The Superhero Whose Superpower Is Guns™!

Dick Tracy, 12/13/25

Speaking of guns, were you wondering what clown-criminal Rojo Ozob was up to? Well, it seems that rather than “playing it cool” when a potential adversary is parked out front of his hideout, he instead orders his underlings to charge out with whatever weapons they have at hand, which can lead to unpleasant results if the potential adversary turns out to be the cops. I guess this guy really is a clown, ha ha! (I’m using “clown” here in the metaphorical sense, so as to highlight his incompetence.)