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Hagar the Horrible, 4/27/26

Big news, everyone! A new named character has been added to Hagar the Horrible, and he’s a servant/butler type named “Charles” with weird swoopy hair and a suit jacket but also a short unhemmed tunic/skirt situation going on. Probably we won’t ever see him again, but, I dunno, they gave him a name! Maybe we will! Who knows!

The Phantom, 4/27/26

Big news, everyone: There’s a new Phantom story starting that’s launching with a bang — a grey alien wearing a suit is flying in a private jet from Washington, D.C. to Guantanamo Bay — and while probably it won’t ever really live up to that opening image, you have to admit it’s the most incredible opening image any of the soap opera strips have given us in quite a while.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/27/26

Big news, everyone, and it’s not good: Grimm, the beloved title character from the syndicated newspaper comic strip Mother Goose and Grimm, hungers for human flesh.

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The Phantom, 2/20/26

Many years ago, the Jungle Patrol was all-male, until early 2008 when it got gender-integrated by a plucky lady cop/waitress duo. How’s that working out? Well, this young female officer is busy kicking a would-be warlord in the face, so that’s good, and the Patrol’s Unknown Commander is just kind of sitting there watching with a little smile on his face, which is a little unsettling. Is this sexual, for him? Is it even possible to understand what “sexual” means for a guy who’s the product of a 22-generation eugenic breeding program and who lives in Africa and wears a skintight spandex suit constantly?

Luann, 2/20/26

Speaking of sexual bits that newspaper comics have been doing since George W. Bush was president, Luann is doing a tale of ribaldry about Tiffany and Ox (he’s a new-ish character and his thing is he’s a gentle giant, don’t worry about it) washing Ox’s rescue puppy and getting deliciously wet in the process and I can’t believe I just typed that, gross. Anyway, I’m mostly posting this because I think the panel where Ox is sticking the hair dryer up his shirt is pretty funny. It’s just a weird angle! He’s warming his belly button specifically! Is this sexual, for him? Is it even possible to understand what “sexual” means for a guy who is a character in Luann, a realm beyond the sexuality event horizon where horniness is distorted by extreme levels of gravity into formations that scientists can’t even begin to describe?

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The Phantom, 1/25/26

Hey, remember the Sunday Phantom storyline that started like eight months ago when a city kid visiting her Wambesi country relatives crossed a mysterious and ominous boundary known to local lore? Well, a lot happened after that, and I can’t remember what happened to that kid exactly, but it turns out there’s a weird Time Travel Zone where a World War II-era German plane just kept circling by over and over again and almost crashing before disappearing until our hero flew up there and rescued the American saboteur onboard and delivered him to a modern world that will no doubt baffle and horrify him, where he’s stuck forever. “Good luck, Major Bauer!” the Ghost Who Encounters Time Travel But Doesn’t Really Understand It said, before retiring to the Chronicle Chamber and writing an entry for his successors that says “Time travel, boy, I dunno.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/25/26

Oh, man, oh man, Rex is going to be wheeled out of eye surgery whining about how he’s been inconvenienced and then find out his kid had to have his appendix out, and he’ll know he’s not allowed to want everyone to feel sorry for him but he’s still going to want everyone to feel sorry for him. He won’t complain but I predict we’re going to see levels of Rex Morgan Pissyface scientists previously believed to be impossible.