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Arctic Circle, 9/18/24

This strip has been fixated on environmental catastrophe so long it’s jarring to see it suddenly switch gears. Or has it? After all, Oscar, Ed, and Gordo are still standing on their metaphorical corner of the Internet wearing sandwich boards announcing “The End Is Near.” Climate, AI: Tomato, Tomahto. It’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure where every path leads to extinction.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/18/24

Hey, Parson, them thar antydepressicant pharmysooticals shore will make the news go down easier!

Mark Trail, 9/18/24

Mark is searching for “Vampire in Malibu” director Wesley Wingit, reputedly holed up in this house full of lions. Very talented lions. They can open a chest freezer; unwrap, thaw, and microwave their meals; and presumably use the litter box, most likely a repurposed swimming pool. If Wesley doesn’t show up, they can probably also direct his next movie, produced by MGM of course.

Judge Parker, 9/18/24

Pity poor Ronnie. To escape her wretched marriage to self-absorbed twit Kat who looks exactly like Neddy, she submits to a doomed roadtrip with self-absorbed twit Neddy who looks exactly like Neddy because she is actually Neddy. In her troubled dreams, Ronnie careers through a mirrored funhouse with infinite Neddies screeching tornadoes of empty yak at her from every side, only to awake soaked in sweat to find yet another goddamn Neddy shaking her shoulder saying, “Hey, I’ve got an idea ….”

Beetle Bailey, 9/18/24

Pity Amos Halftrack. This is as intimate as he will ever be with a woman; this moment will define his life.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Six Chix, 9/17/24

An image search for “batman cat images” yielded mostly AI, fanart, and creepy photos of pets in Halloween costumes. So I’m guessing the doll here is really Catboy from the Disney Jr. series PJ Masks. That would put Tuesday Chick’s childhood no earlier than 2015, which seems a little too recent for nostalgia. Maybe closer to “recollection” but who knows? Kids these days!

Beetle Bailey, 9/17/24

There’s no joke here unless the captain gets sanctioned for colorful language.

Crankshaft, 9/17/24

Oh my goodness who could possibly have seen this coming? But what I really want to know is how many levels of irony it is when Les’s students read Fahrenheit 451 by the light of a burning bookstore. Or if that pumper is actually headed to Ed’s house to put out a grill fire.

Andy Capp, 9/17/24

The full text of Proverbs 19:4 (RSV2) is, “Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend.” So Andy selflessly keeps his money to maintain a treasured friendship, and look at the thanks he gets!

—Uncle Lumpy

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Beetle Bailey, 9/5/24

Sarge is correct: his men are extremely vulnerable to the range weapons that are fated to kill them when they finally enter combat.

Dennis the Menace, 9/5/24

Menace level: violating the intellectual property of Rich Hall.

Hi and Lois, 9/5/24

Oh, man, sorry these two peaceful animals are just doing their thing and not interacting, Trixie! Sorry they’re not insulting each other through comical speech impediments. Sorry they’re not trying to murder each other, for your amusement!

Mary Worth, 9/5/24

“Or are you fucking? Are you fucking my fiance? Hahaha I’m cool with it if you are, but I just want to know. Are you fucking my fiance? YES OR NO, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME”