Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Mark Trail, 6/1/18

Hmm, Mark is extremely circumspect about Professor Carter and this … lost temple, isn’t he? I mean, you can’t blame the guy. A few years back, some professor was so enthusiastic about this buried pyramid he’d discovered and Mark was just carried away by the excitement, and sure, he bought a share! Two weeks every year in a genuine pyramid — who can say no to that? Plus it’s an investment property you can sell for a profit later on! Well, it turned out this “pyramid” was just a double-wide in a “resort community” outside Sedona with a kitschy Egyptian Revival theme for the decor, and the pool in the development wasn’t even working. And there really isn’t much of a secondary market for timeshares, as he discovered! He’s been burned before, is what I’m saying, and he’s looking forward to learning more about this … lost temple, but until he gets a look at it, don’t expect him to get his wallet out.

Blondie, 6/1/18

Hmm, the question that’s about to become really important is exactly which kind of Cromwell Mr. Dithers just fired: a Thomas, who after years of faithful service to his sovereign was outmaneuvered politically and beheaded without trial? Or an Oliver, who raised up a New Model Army to do the unthinkable: defeat his king in battle and bring about his execution?

Beetle Bailey, 6/1/18

If Beetle Bailey abruptly became the story of a rogue U.S. Army sergeant funneling military weapons to the Animal Liberation Front, who used them in a string of violent attacks on cosmetics testing facilities and factory farms, I honestly wouldn’t be mad at all!

Mary Worth, 6/1/18

I’m sorry, if you’re not getting a little misty-eyed here, you have no heart to speak of and I bid you good day

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Mark Trail, 5/29/18

“That must be why she likes your son, who certainly isn’t human, and probably isn’t a plant or a fungus. Not sure about that last possibility, though, I’m not a scientist!”

Beetle Bailey, 5/29/18

I love Cookie’s expression of hooded-eyed satisfaction in the second panel. “Heh heh, at last, years of having a bookshelf full of books I never open has paid off, as I finally got to unleash that absolutely sick bit of wordplay I’ve been saving up for just this moment.”

Mary Worth, 5/29/18

This will almost certainly turn out to be a parade of nobodies brought in to sing Wilbur’s praises, but it would be really funny, to me, if they’re just planning on luring him to a third location where they can execute him, gangland-style.

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Beetle Bailey, 5/28/18

The character design in Beetle Bailey is extremely stylized, which is actually fine and not anything to complain about, it’s a cartoon, for Pete’s sake, though I will say that if anything a little too much attention is generally lavished on the ears. I mean, why draw the head as a basic oval but then spend a lot of time getting the details of all the little cartilage nubs inside the earlobe correct? Why make two characters where the distinguishing feature between them is that one of them has cauliflower ears? I guess it’s all been leading to this moment, this moment when an amiable, popular, long-running newspaper comic strip takes a sudden and nauseating left turn straight into nightmarish body horror.

Hi and Lois, 5/28/18

I guess that’s supposed to be the Flagstons’ occasionally glimpsed elderly neighbor at the lower right there, but since Memorial Day is of course as we all know a holiday set aside to remember those who died while serving in the armed forces, and the day where we honor the living for their service is called Veteran’s Day and is in November, I choose to believe that that’s actually a ghost, sadly watching these civilians enjoying their three-day weekend and not remembering the reason for the season, which is to say him. That explains why he’s standing in the yard but nobody seems to notice him, and why his words are depicted in a thought balloon (ghosts cannot be heard by the living, obviously). “Ah ha,” you’re saying, “But Josh, why is he old? We don’t as a rule send the elderly off to die in wars!” Well, jokes on you, buddy: your assumption that we live on eternally young in the afterlife is obviously flawed. This guy probably died in Korea or Vietnam in his 20s and his spectre continued to age, much to his horror. “Maybe if I can will these living souls into remembering me, that will keep me young,” he thinks. Sorry, soldier! That’s not how the universe works, apparently! Enjoy growing older and older, forever!

Dick Tracy, 5/28/18

I’ve lived in California for close to four years now, and I gotta say: palm trees? Hot tubs? Attractive women of varying ethnicities? 58 counties, representing a uniquely powerful form of local government, often weilding more influence over our day-to-day lives than the administrations of our better-known cities? You sure have the “west coast lifestyle” pegged, Dick Tracy!