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Archie, 6/6/26

I guess the joke here is that Archie, who we mostly know through his romantic misadventures but who is in many ways still a boy, likes Ninja Turtles cereal, this being a rerun from the ’90s or ’00s when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were popular (not going to bother checking those dates, life’s too short), and the household caters to his culinary whims, much to his father’s distress. I do like Archie’s mom’s facial expression in the last panel. “Ha ha, he says he won’t eat it, but he’s gonna eat it. What’s he going to do, go shopping himself and pick out his own cereal? I don’t fuckin’ think so.”

Blondie, 6/6/26

There’s a lot of sad stuff you see in Blondie and I guess I should be inured to it by now, but I’m sorry, this is among the saddest. Blondie is clutching her hands together with a forced look of joy on her face and telling her daughter about how wonderful her third date with her husband was, but in her thought balloon we can see she clearly thought she was going to be doing some light making out on this park bench but is horrified and disappointed to discover that young Dagwood has simply collapsed into some kind of meat coma, and now she can’t decide if she should just get up and leave him there or what. I was going to make a joke about how she should be a flapper in the flashback, but the whole scenario is so grim that I simply don’t have the energy.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/31/26

I know that “Dennis isn’t being menacing at all in this one” is one of my (hopefully) beloved running bits, but I’m really not sure how they’re gonna top today’s installment, in which Henry is clearly starting to panic and Dennis with childlike innocence calms him down and offers a practical solution that quickly solves their problem. Dennis The Very Helpful Child would not be a very popular comic strip if marketed in that way but here we are!

Mary Worth, 5/31/26

Aw, isn’t that sweet! Mary is like a second mother to both Tommy and Dawn, which means they can’t hook up, that would be incest, please do not allow them to hook up. Anyway, “self-abuse” is usually a euphemism for masturbation, right? He’s running to make up for years of jerking off? I don’t think this is something I would tell to my newly discovered spiritual sister or a girl I was trying to hook up with. I think that would be bad either way.

Blondie, 5/31/26

Contemporary masculinity is constricting in really odd and unfortunate ways. Like, I think for most of the last 50 years or so we would’ve accepted a guy who likes to loudly sing old Dean Martin songs in the bathtub as being well within the boundaries of manhood, but apparently now we need to establish that Dagwood is using an extremely masc shampoo during this whole process. It doesn’t smell good, like shampoo a woman would use! Its odor is truly unpleasant. That’s how you know it’s for men!

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Blondie, 5/24/26

Blondie over its multidecade run has chronicled America’s increasing suburbanization and corresponding car dependence. Back in the ’50s, Dagwood took public transit to work; in 2026, he carpools with three other people, which honestly probably puts him in the bottom 10% in terms of CO₂ production for his neighborhood cohort. I would’ve made that guess even before seeing today’s strip, in which he wanders around his all-residential subdivision and we learn that his cohort is so sedentary that it’s spending the weekend walking slowly, not walking at all, and unable to maintain consciousness despite drinking a big cup of coffee in the middle of the day.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/24/26

At first I thought this guy in the blue smock had sexually harassed a serving woman and been murdered for it. But now that I look at it more closely, he’s just getting stomped on by a hot shield maiden and looks overjoyed about it, which probably indicates that this was his plan all along.