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Comics archive! Blondie

When he dies, they’ll leave him in there, entombed like a baseball-loving pharaoh

Blondie, 4/23/16

There are any number of perfectly good reasons to resent the comic strip Blondie, but the one I’m going with today is that it’s forced me to become familiar with the fact that “He Sheds” are in fact A Thing, as are “She Sheds,” naturally. I guess I don’t resent the concept per se as much as I do the twee terminology. Anyway, now that there’s a TV show about the trend, we can look forward to it spiraling completely out of hand, as it clearly already has for the Woodleys, who apparently thought it was good use of time and energy to dig two or three feet down into their back yard to create a partially subterranean one-man he-shed where Herb can watch baseball in blessed isolation.

B.C., 4/23/16

I’m on the record as being baffled as to why B.C. will go with entirely new art for its highly structured jokes like “Wiley’s Dictionary” or “Advice” or really any of the several gags where the whole point is to provide a minimalist structure within the world of the strip for the characters to deliver some joke that doesn’t really have much to do with the characters or the world of the strip per se. The structure seems like it’s invented specifically as an opportunity to reuse clip art, and drawing a new panel to depict the scene at a new and different angle seems entirely pointless, like meticulously reconstructing a fast food hamburger out of fresh, organic ingredients. I mean, knock yourself out if you really want to do it, I guess, but maybe don’t do it in a way that emphasizes that Curls’s character design is dominated by his grotesque, protruding upper lip.

Sandwich sadness

Blondie, 4/5/16

As part of my mission of putting way, way too much thought into the comics, I put way, way too much thought into Lou’s “here” in the second panel. The joke of not naming a sandwich “bumstead” makes perfect sense, especially when written by a creative team that inherited this name from the 1930s, when it was presumably kind of funny. But what does Lou mean by “here”? Does he have other restaurants? Is the “club” in question not an abstract entity that would grant membership to sandwich fans, but an actual, physical location, like a nightclub, but for sandwiches? Is Dagwood not invited to this nightclub? Is Dagwood the saddest man in the world?

Crankshaft, 4/5/16

Oops, Mary, looks like you found out that you’re the “cool girl” the dudes use as an excuse to shit on other women! You are 100% right to look concerned.

Rex doing some quick math on how much it’ll cost to haul this stuff to the junkyard

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/11/16

Wow, we’ve gotten to the “people give Rex free stuff” phase of this storyline much more quickly than anticipated! This nice old lady simply must vacate her charming Victorian home, and all her carefully curated possessions will simply clash with her daughter’s charming modernist home. And setting up an estate sale will just be a huge bother. So much easier to simply hand them off to whatever handsome doctor wanders in off the street! Now, let’s go upstairs and let me show you the “birthing chamber.” You can still see the placenta stains on the floor!

Blondie, 3/11/16

Uh, guys, have you seen Blondie’s waist? If she lost seven pounds in a week, you’d notice, because she’d probably be in the hospital.