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Comics archive! Dick Tracy

[music that sounds like ’60s psychedelia but isn’t anything you’d recognize kicks in]

Mary Worth, 7/19/16

Guys. Guys. Guys. We’ve been waiting a long time for post-jail Tommy to reach the amazing heights he achieved twelve years ago, in his first appearance in the strip. Back then, of course he was trying to sell drugs, and only dabbled in smoking some low-grade “whatever” occasionally, but now the drugger will become the druggee. I am sincerely thrilled to watch his rapid downward spiral into addiction, which begins as he, like all pill-crazed maniacs, flings the precious, precious caplets into his mouth all at once from eight inches away.

Dick Tracy, 7/19/16

I’m not an expert on the long history of Dick Tracy, which may explain why I’ve been kind of meh on the new-look Dick Tracy, which seems to mostly focus on reviving various characters from the strip’s long history. Anyway, this new plotline may get similarly bogged down with baffling references, but for today I’m going to enjoy it, as it appears to be about something that I choose to call “Car-Navor: The Car That Only Eats Other Cars.”

Extremely grim three-day weekend

Dick Tracy, 7/4/16

Hey, everybody, remember the Space Coupe? Last we saw it, a couple of bad guys had stolen it, but its inventor Diet Smith had taken control of it remotely and sent it drifting endlessly into deep space. Today, two years later, in honor of our nation’s independence, Dick Tracy wants to remind you that it’s still out there, whirling forever in the vast nothingness. Did Dr. Ghote and Dr. Sail gradually suffocate as the Coupe’s oxygen slowly ran out, giving them ample time to understand their inevitable fate? Or does the magical technology that allows the vessel to move without obvious propulsion or thrust also provide infinite oxygen, leaving the ne’er-do-wells to instead confront starvation, staved off temporarily only by a brief, violent turn to cannibalism? Either way, happy birthday, America!

Six Chix, 7/4/16

On this holiday when many Americans are travelling to attend cookouts with friends and family, Six Chix would like to remind you that every social event is nothing more than a prison!

Beetle Bailey, 7/4/16

Meanwhile, in Beetle Bailey, the mullosks have evolved language capabilities so they can beg us not to kill and eat them.

Olé!

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Blondie, 5/5/16

In Chilean Spanish, a “nuco” is a nocturnal bird, like an owl. So for Mexico’s Cinco de Mayo celebration, Dag’s diner is serving up grilled Chilean owl. I would’ve gone with the sea bass.

Six Chix, 5/5/16

Somehow the passive aggression just makes the bossiness worse.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/5/16

Hutch was firstborn, for sure.

Pluggers, 5/5/16

Pluggers send their grandkids homemade porn.

Wizard of Id, 5/5/16

Yes, like the Wiz is exhausting that adorable little fart in the last panel there.

Dick Tracy, 5/5/16

Oh boy, Dick Tracy’s police state is tattooing prisoners now.

In the current thread among so, so, many, goat-goateed Notta Fallar framed Tracy by releasing a video of herself making out with Putty Puss disguised as Tracy. Bluenose Mayor Armstrong suspended him, so he called in a favor from pal Oliver Warbucks, who hired lawyer Mr. Kleen to press Tracy’s case. I was certain Mr. Kleen was going to be an intentionally ironic name for any lawyer who works in Dick Tracy (like Law and Order’s Judge Softon Crime), but nooo – he’s just some guy with a Purell® jones and apparently, a real aversion to legal work.

Zits, 5/5/16

Jeremy Duncan used to have a serious case of the hots for his guidance counselor. Farewell to adolescence, I guess. Who knows what comes next? Not him!


– Uncle Lumpy