Mark Trail, 1/26/16
Oh, hey, I haven’t been keeping you up to date on the non-nature-related soon-to-be-violence-inducing aspects of this bat plot in Mark Trail, but there are a couple of dodgy characters we’ve seen skulking around who are coyotes, not in the sense of Canis latrans, but in the metaphorical sense of criminals who smuggle migrants over the southern U.S. border. Anyway, Carina hasn’t had much to do in this plot yet but I’m happy to see her taking on the role of Person Who Tries And Fails To Deploy Metaphorical Language While Mark And Gabe Natter On About Nature Facts.
Mary Worth, 1/26/16
Sometimes I complain about Mary Worth plots dragging on, but I could literally watch Mary repeatedly shoot down John’s advances for weeks and weeks. “We have to make the most of what we’re given, John, especially when it comes to time spent in my radiance. You’ve been allowed to bathe in that sweet Worthian glow for several weeks of your life, more than billions of other unfortunate souls could ever hope for. Shouldn’t you be spending your time quietly contemplating how fortunate you’ve been?”
Little bit about me: as I scrolled down the comics page, after I saw this panel but before I got to the caption, I muttered to myself, “Please let Gerald be her husband’s ex-boyfriend, please let Gerald be her husband’s ex-boyfriend.”
I’m not sure what the context would be for anyone, even this plugger, to buy a new DVD player in the year 2016 — maybe he finally put in a disc into the old one when there was already one in there one too many times — but I do like the way the letters seems wobbly in his word balloon, really conveying his sense of desperation. “Please, son, you gotta tell me how to hook this thing up. I got all these old westerns and All In The Family episodes, I already switched from VCR tapes to these discs, I’m not switching to iTunes or whatever they have now. I don’t even know what an iTunes looks like! That neighbor kid who used to do my computer stuff won’t talk to me because I put too many politics memes on his Facebook wall! You gotta help me!”
Mark Trail, 1/14/16
Haha, is it a good idea, Gabe? Is it an idea you in fact suggested to him literally two sentences earlier in this very conversation? How dumb do you think we are exactly, Gabe?
Wizard of Id, 1/14/16
Oh, hey, let’s check in with the Wizard of Id! What’s going on over there? Oh, they’ve introduced a new character? And he’s a muscular, hornèd demon from the depths of hell? And the human ladies want to have sex with him? Let’s never check in with the Wizard of Id again.
Dennis the Menace, 1/5/16
“Look, mom, it’s not that I don’t appreciate you reading bedtime stories to me. It’s just that books are boring and TV is better, and I have no intention of learning how to read or engaging in any sort of entertainment that requires conscious effort on my part. Why, if my own brain could just auto-generate amusing imagery for me, that’d be the best! Dreams are great and all, but they only work when I’m asleep. Are there any pills I could take or anything along those lines that could create dream-like images for me? I’m definitely going to spend most of my energy as an adult looking for them!” As ever, A+ menacing work, as Alice’s look of concern makes very clear.
Gasoline Alley, 1/5/16
Gasoline Alley just spent like five God-damned weeks going on and on about scrapbooking, so the least they can do is linger a bit here and let us enjoy a few days of Boog’s parents sweatily trying and failing to work up the nerve to explain sex to him.
Pluggers are horrified by the idea of “ingredients” that you “cook” to produce “meals,” and prefer to only buy things you can consume right out of the box or bag without even heating up.