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Marvin, 10/16/25

Lately, when I bring up Marvin as an example of a strip that loves talking about peeing and pooping, some people in the comments will try to gaslight me about it, claiming the strip really hasn’t done much by way of toilet humor since 2023 or so. Well, look at this! Bitsy the dog is like, “I love to defecate and I want to do more of it,” and that’s the punchline! Don’t try to deny what I can see with my own eyes!

Mary Worth, 10/16/25

Have you enjoyed the last 87 years of “Mary Worth meddles gently in the lives of her friends and acquaintances?” Well, that’s over now. Get ready for “Mary Worth has an unshakeable belief that many people are capable of ESP, and has a new mission to find them and Awaken the Gift inside them.”

Dustin, 10/16/25

Meg, this is no time to crack wise! Your brother has experienced a serious head injury and appears to be in some distress!

Archie, 10/16/25

Sorry, Dilton, I’m going to be straight with you: put the glasses back on. You don’t look very good at all without them! Don’t give in to peer pressure!

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Mary Worth, 9/7/25

I myself am not a parent and don’t presume to fully understand how they have to balance between fiercely protecting their children and also allowing them autonomy to follow their own goals and desires. Would I let my tween daughter travel across the country with some nice old lady who used to be my neighbor? I could see good reasons for going either way, but I’ll tell you one thing: I would definitely nail down whether this trip is one week or two before I signed off on it. That’s just common sense! Especially since her mother and I would be using her absence as an opportunity to have sex more often, I’d want to know when she’s coming back. She probably has a key and could just let herself in the apartment!

Beetle Bailey, 9/7/25

Joshreads dot com oldheads remember that years ago Lt. Fuzz turning blue was a coloring error and a sign of declining standards at the syndicate. Today, Sgt. Snorkel turning blue is a joke about how he’d rather suffer self-induced hypoxia and the resulting brain damage than simply deal with his commanding officer in a mature and respectful manner, and a sign of an entirely different kind of declining standards at the syndicate.

Panel from The Lockhorns, 9/7/25

There are tons of Lockhorns jokes about Leroy drunkenly flirting with blondes twice as tall as he is, so I’m glad the strip is finally acknowledging that Loretta, too, is sometimes horny. Her little quip doesn’t exactly make sense — is she saying that she’s going to commit this man’s rippling, muscular bod to memory so she can revisit it over and over again in her mind palace? — but it’s a good first step.

Marvin, 9/7/25

Wait, this robot yearns to play with Marvin and is overjoyed at the prospect of it? The AI haters are right, this is an evil technology that must be stopped now.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/6/25

Hmm, Sarge managed to knock himself unconscious after landing on his tailbone, presumably from some shockwave that went up his spine, and now he’s got X’s for eyes? He’s dead, dude. He’s super duper dead!

Marvin, 9/6/25

Hmm, a jellyfish that’s not in the water, and is all brown and stiff? Mr. Squishy (name now inaccurate) is also super duper dead, kid, I regret to inform you!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/6/25

Cody’s newly discovered rageoholic half brother is not super duper dead, but thanks to his recent massive heart attack, he’s not what you’d call super duper alive either. Anyway, what is super duper dead is probably Cody’s chance of forming a bond with this part of his newfound family. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news! I’m telling tough truths to everyone in the funnies today!