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Blondie, 11/12/23

You ever notice how most of the women in Blondie have pretty normal-looking eyes but most of them men have these inky black stretched out ovals that take up half the height of their skulls? Honestly, despite years of reading this strip, I really hadn’t, until they decided to do a whole Sunday strip where the premise is that Dagwood just had his pupils dilated at optometrist, and now it’s all I can think about — which, honestly, is more appealing to dwell on than “ho ho, Dagwood would certainly be horny, if he could see better,” so I’m not complaining.

Mary Worth, 11/12/23

Having been fortified by a Mary Worth pep talk, Keith has dug deep into his Marine training and is going to fight for a decent, meaningful relationship with Kitty and then his daughter, no matter how fraught these conversations get or how hard he has to tr– oh, wait, what’s this, he got halfway through his apology and then Kitty was like “Oh, sorry I was so mean, let’s have a decent, meaningful relationship going forward. My treat! We’ll have lunch and I’ll explain how you can make friends with our daughter. Don’t worry, it won’t be difficult.” Problem solved, everyone! Problem sovled.

Six Chix, 11/12/23

Actually, Tom, I think what they’d say is that it’s been thousands of years since the civilization of their Builders passed away and not once since have they been bedewed with sacrificial blood. They’re thirsty! So thirsty! They’re an ancient megalithic monument, so they definitely don’t know what TripAdvisor is, but they know what human blood tastes like and they miss it terribly.

Dustin, 11/12/23

I’m kind of burned out on raging against Dustin but I do want to point out that Dustin’s parents — or, I guess more accurately, the people who write the strip from Dustin’s parents’ point of view — think getting Doordash/Grubhub delivery involves calling somebody. Jokes on you, dummies! Kids today are even less motivated than you think!

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Mary Worth, 11/5/23

Wow, I guess all it takes is a little rejection from from his hitherto unknown daughter and long-ago ex girlfriend to get Keith to start spilling his guts to Mary, even though mere days ago he deemed her a busybody and tried his hardest to avoid her. Now, Mary is a lady who has repeatedly told women that they should work harder to maintain a relationship with Wilbur Weston, so I guess her advice to Keith to keep fighting isn’t surprising. I do question her tactics here, though. She doesn’t know anything about Keith’s service record. What if in one battle, after being pushed back by enemy forces, his unit had advanced again, only to be repulsed due to a lack of sufficient air support, with all his comrades in arms dying and leaving him with emotional wounds that will never heal? Or what if, despite the immediate success of the individual missions he participated in, Keith came to view the larger conflict as a misguided one, a waste of lives and ammunition for an unworthy cause? Why, he might not work his hardest to force his way into fatherhood at all, and that’s wholly unacceptable!

Hagar the Horrible, 11/5/23

Speaking of spilling your guts, I know the phrase is derived from vomiting, but I always think it has the implied hint of disembowelment, and that’s definitely where my mind would go if I were drawing a comic strip that hinges on the phrase where a guy is about to get brutalized by a bunch of axe-wielding Vikings.

Family Circus, 11/5/23

“As for the likeness of its faces, it had the face of a man, and the face of a lion, on the right side: and it had the face of an ox on the left side; and it also had the face of an eagle. And its appearance and its work was as it were a wheel in the middle of a wheel. As for its rings, they were so high that they were dreadful; and its rings were full of eyes round about them. It really freaked me out, can I sleep with you tonight?”

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Six Chix, 11/4/23

I love that these guys only reveal this wisdom back at home, probably hours later, when the other couple is well out of earshot. Figure it out yourself, losers! We’re not giving out marital advice for free!

Family Circus, 11/4/23

Say what you will about the Family Circus, but you gotta give respect where it’s due: this is by far the funniest way a child could describe a dead person.

Mary Worth, 11/4/23

NO KEITH NO

I KNOW YOU’RE IN A BAD PLACE BUT

IT’S NOT WORTH IT

IT’S NOT WORTH IT