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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/14/26

I guess the point of this strip is “You never get what you want when you want it,” but for at least a brief moment I thought Snuffy looked so sad because he considers himself in his way to be a steward of the land. During deer-huntin’ season, people have killed so many deer that bears roam the countryside, near starving for lack of prey, and then in bear-huntin’ season, deer multiply out of control due to lack of predators. That’s why he had to shoot these critters out of season, sheriff! He’s helpin’ the local ecosystem!

Gil Thorp, 9/14/26

Based on the extremely visible stars in the sky, I’m guessing this is a night game played without adequate lighting. Presumably Oakwood is the home team and this gives them an advantage based on their day-glow yellow uniforms. Obviously the Mudlark QB is going to throw right to them, they’re the only ones visible on the field!

Pluggers, 9/14/26

I regret to inform you all that there are only two viable options here: that pluggers think “bedroom eyes” mean what your eyes look like when you’re sleepy, or that they think that sometimes a plugger will make eyes at you implying that they want you to come over and fuck them right there on their recliner and that this is what those eyes look like, like they’re dying.

Judge Parker, 9/14/26

Good news: Judge Parker Emeritus Senior got a job, to give his life meaning. Bad news: he apparently has to get up at 6:00 am to get to it? Maybe a meaningless life isn’t so bad after all, let’s not be hasty.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/26

Remember: it’s not just mandatory that nothing bad ever happen to the Morgan family. The Morgan family must be fully insulated by the narrative from ever knowing that anything bad might have potentially happened to them. And, mission accomplished! Looks like we can wrap up the week’s strips with this one and [checks calendar] aw CRAP

Mary Worth, 9/14/26

“Did he die? Is he finally dead? Because he still owes me money from when I sold him weed six years ago. I mean, it wasn’t actually weed, it was oregano, but he didn’t know that.”

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The Phantom, 9/11/26

Happy Friday, everybody! I was going to explain the backstory to today’s Phantom to those who haven’t been reading along, but, you know what? Snakes, aliens, devil-Phantoms, screaming, flames … this right here is art and it doesn’t need any explanation. Just let it wash over you! Let loose with an enthusiastic “YAAAAHHHH!!!” while you’re at it. The weekend is almost here!

Marvin, 9/11/26

Marvin’s grandmother lives with her husband in an apartment building for which she has to write the newsletter because the Great Financial Crisis wiped out all their retirement savings, which forced them to briefly move in with Marvin’s parents (an episode for which their son-in-law has never forgiven them) before eventually settling into their current digs. Sometimes I feel like I must be one of the only people on earth walking around with this amount of Marvin lore in their heads, but I’m pleased to learn that the strip’s current creative team at least remembers that they’re too poor to live in one of the nicer apartment buildings that gets first dibs on the bingo guy.

Mary Worth, 9/11/26

Damn, Nelly must be a true master of the gossiping arts. How else can you explain the fact that Alma has gone in mere minutes from “So what?” to “Wow, that Worth lady always seems so proper, but if you say she and Prof. Cameron were engaged in full penetration intercourse right there in her car in the Charterstone parking lot, I have no choice but to believe you! I guess you can never really tell about a person!”

Daddy Daze, 9/11/26

Men will literally project a truly awful death-related pun onto the nonsense “ba” syllables their children produce rather than going to therapy so they can deal with their grief at losing a parent. It’s sad!

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 9/9/26

“Why do they mention the King’s Horses in ‘Humpty Dumpty?’” is an extremely hoary bit at this point, but I have to say I like the art here. Humpty’s shell has shattered, creating a jagged mouth for what we must assume is the first time. The very event that has caused him such agony also provided him with the means to scream! It’s a neat little trick.

Mary Worth, 9/9/26

Alma … no! You need to follow your first instincts and remain aloof from gossip and speculation here. Look at Nelly’s crazed expression in panel two! She says your guess is as good as hers … but she’s clearly been guessing in vivid, erotic detail for hours now. Let her be a cautionary example for you!

Shoe, 9/9/26

The saving grace of Shoe is that no matter how much you hate reading these jokes, the characters’ facial expressions make it clear that they hate saying them much, much more.