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Pluggers, 11/14/26

Sorry, I do not accept a Pluggers that’s about ordering pizza on your phone unless it depicts a plugger on a corded phone saying “Hello? Joe’s Pizza?” and the caption is “Pluggers remember that you used to be able to order pizza on the phone without using an app.” (The pizza the plugger is ordering will be one of the most mediocre things you can imagine, by the way, but that’s the way he likes it.)

Mary Worth, 11/14/26

Wow, just think how much better Nelly’s mood would be if her apartment overlooked the beautiful, peaceful Charterstone garden, rather than the parking lot where she’s forced to see people maybe doing hand stuff. Anyway, looks like Mary has acquired a new manual laborer! Sure, she’s a little slow and arthritic, but she won’t be paid anything, which I think makes up for it.

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Judge Parker, 11/13/26

So, hey, remember how Neddy and her roommate Ronnie sold a Netflix show about the Spencer-Driver clan’s ties to notorious CIA assassin April, and then Kat, the actress hired to play Neddy who looked uncannily like her, started dating Ronnie, which wasn’t psychosexually weird at all? Well, Neddy and Ronnie have now sold a show about the Spencer-Driver clan’s ties to notorious scam artist Ann, and for everyone who’s been like, “Gee, Ann sure is drawn a lot like Neddy, do they not have that many models of brunette in the Parkerverse or what,” I guess you just didn’t want poor Kat to find work, huh? Are you happy about the strain their financial problems have put on her relationship with Ronnie? You make me sick.

(Just as a side note, when I was poking through my archives looking for the backstory on this, I discovered this post from 2021 where I mentioned perusing the Judge Parker Wikipedia article and discovering that Randy had a long-lost sister named Ann, something that I had apparently completely forgotten by the time Ann reappeared in the strip two and a half years later).

Mary Worth, 11/13/26

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that Nelly confessed to Mary that the reason she’s a miserable, hateful monster is that she had a daughter who died some unspecified amount of time ago and she’s still very sad about it, and Mary, who at one point canonically had a dead husband who now she never talks or thinks about, immediately launched into her patented therapy technique of telling someone to simply use the force of their will to stop being sad by any means necessary. Sometimes this involves forcing the subject to focus their thoughts on happiness to the exclusion of all else or alter their own memories, but she’s starting small, with hobbies. Nelly, have you considered that going outside and playing some sport might take your mind off your inconsolable grief? Oh, arthritis? Hmm. Well, have you considered starting cruel rumors about others to make sure that the rest of the world suffers just like you do?

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/10/26

There’s a whole social media trend of young people posting images of food service on airlines in the days of yore accompanied by captions like “RETVRN” or “THIS IS WHAT THEY TOOK FROM YOU,” and I hate to point out that these are mostly (1) ads for (2) first class service in an age when (3) even coach class was much more expensive than it is today, accounting for inflation. It seems that this kind of rhetoric has filtered down to the young people of Hootin’ Holler who are (both literally and, in terms of their ability to afford air travel, figuratively) miles away from the nearest airport, so I’m here to tell them: you still get snacks! They’re still handing out little bags of pretzels or whatever. Maybe not on Frontier or Spirit, but Spirit went out of business, so maybe handing out snacks is here to stay. Keep hope alive!

Dick Tracy, 11/10/26

Dick and his partner standing at crazy dutch angles relative to everyone else, somehow, while odd shadows falling from no obvious light source make everything very dramatic? Mysterious femme fatale emerging from an incongruous corner doorway? I do not regret to inform you that Dick Tracy has, to use a technical term, gone “full-on German Expressionist.”

Hi and Lois, 11/10/26

Wow, Thirsty gets a new pillow every year? I’m gonna say it: that seems like it’s pretty often. More often than I get one, for sure. Seems like something you’d only do for someone who’s doing horrible stuff to/on/near his pillows, and now I wanna know what.

Mary Worth, 11/10/26

“It’s because I keep spreading vicious false rumors about people and it alienates everyone! Uh, I mean, about other people, people not in this room, that’s it.”