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Hagar the Horrible, 8/30/25

Look, despite the fun (“fun”) I have here detailing all the anachronisms in Hagar the Horrible, I do in fact get that the anachronisms are the point of the strip, that it’s not a realistic historical drama but rather a comedy where half of its whole deal is “What if these Vikings acted like modern middle-class people sometimes?” But I feel like to pull this off you do need to maintain a narrative unity just within an individual strip, whereas today’s installment is all over the map. Hagar napping in a hammock in his fenced suburban yard? Sure, why not. Hagar interacting with some culture that uses smoke signals for communication, like Native Americans or medieval Italians? Fine, Vikings actually encountered both groups. But put the two together and it’s a mess. A mess, I say! Are we to believe that Hagar lives in Newfoundland or Apulia now? I don’t buy it!

Mary Worth, 8/30/25

Wow, Mary spends weeks gushing about how unique Olive is and all the special gifts she has, and then the girl does one little reincarnation fantasy at the Met and all of the sudden Mary’s like “Damn, this kid is a weirdo. Those bullies were right!”

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Mary Worth, 8/21/25

Mary Worth Update: Olive rushed into the surf and saved her drowning classmate, is one way to describe what happened, although another and possibly more accurate way is to say that Olive forced the beach lifeguard to rescue not one but two children from the undertow. Anyway, this has gotten most of her erstwhile bullies to change their thinking on the whole Olive situation. But not Naomi! Naomi will never stop living her truth, which is that Olive is a big weirdo. And good for her. Probably Olive will finally lose her patience and use her psychic powers to violently explode Naomi’s skull, but I appreciate someone who stands by their convictions instead of changing their mind just because of a little bit of selfless life-saving.

Rex Morgan, 8/21/25

Rex Morgan Update: Cody tracked down his bio-half-sis, who informed him that her brother does not want to meet their father’s bastard spawn. But that hasn’t stopped Cody! There hasn’t been a lot of medical business in this strip lately, but I do wonder if Rex’s clinic is equipped to handle whatever kind of injury a guy could deal out with a leaf blower, if he’s surprised enough.

Six Chix, 8/21/25

Six Chix Update: Wouldn’t it be funny if eating way too much meat made you spasm uncontrollably? Ha ha! I’m pretty sure it doesn’t, though. The main thing it does is give you heart disease, eventually, though it might fuck your colon up real bad first.

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Omigosh you guys it’s the very last day of the Comics Curmudgeon Summer Fundraiser! Hurry! Thank you!

Between Friends, 8/15/25

Way back during the dot-com boom I joined a startup with a business model only slightly less speculative than the espresso-martini distillery Susan’s so pumped about. It ended in the predictable way. But at least my decision wasn’t based on the prospect of lounging at home getting hammered on the product (semiconductor futures contracts, how would that even work?).

Flash Gordon, 8/15/25

I am mildly claustrophobic, and if somebody came along and freed me from days of imprisonment in a tight steel helmet I would probably react pretty much the way enslaved factory worker Edda does here. Don’t judge me!

Breaking Cat News, 8/15/25

I read Breaking Cat News every day. In my defense, sometimes a fella just needs a break between Luann and Crankshaft, you know? Usually it’s just cats reporting on news of significance to cats: Lupin is stuck in a drawer, There’s a cricket somewhere in the apartment, Breakfast is MISSING, that sort of thing.

But boy, things have sure taken a dark turn. The Woman is fostering bunny Miss Elizabeth while the Quinn Animal Shelter rebuilds after storm damage. Elizabeth may or may not (rabbit genealogies are complex) be descended from a colony of rabbits freed from Grimtech Labs in a daring rescue a while back. The experimental history of those now-feral rabbits left them with glowing red eyes, lunar cycle entrainment, and other signs of metamorphosis; the cats’ consensus is zombification. The Zombie Bunnies returned at full moon, claimed not to know Miss Elizabeth (but then rabbit genealogies are complex), gnomically announced “time is running out,” and disappeared. In other news, “zombie” is apparently an acceptable term, but “witch” is not. Supernatural etiquette is hard!

Pajama Diaries, 8/15/25

OK look I realize now that’s a trademark symbol but it sure looked like an apostrophe at first and I thought this strip was heading in an entirely different direction, GPS or no. Apologies!

Herb and Jamaal, 8/15/25

Reverend Croom apparently thinks Jeffrey Epstein should have been released and his files published so an angry mob would tear him limb from limb. New Testament words; Old Testament justice.

Mary Worth, 8/15/25

Olive’s Mean Girl classmates shun and bully her because of her oh-so-special precognitive gifts. So her saving a drowning classmate precisely because of those gifts would make for a taut, satisfying resolution to their conflict. But this is Mary Worth, so the special gifts in play here are “looks at stuff” and “took swimming lessons.”

Just a reminder that there are no Comments of the Week on my watch, so Tabby Lavalamp’s tart Neddy Spencer put-down gets to ride up there another week. Hooray!

—Uncle Lumpy