Mary Worth, 4/27/15
Mary gleefully explains love using the familiar language of commerce: “There are no guarantees, so how about a trial period? You could check out lots of free samples — and before you commit, be sure to line up all the coupons and rebates you can. Maybe you could even negotiate a discount for that bum leg. Under the circumstances, you should probably spring for the service contract. There are also some really good deals to be found when you buy in bulk — does Adam have any brothers? Check out the accessories, but don’t let anybody sell you something you don’t need — I know from my experience with Dr. Jeff that the rustproofing is a ripoff. And remember to shop around, including online. And don’t rule out barter! Say, what does Yelp have to say about this guy?”
Mark Trail, 4/27/15
OK, how much does everybody love hapless, never-to-be-married Wally Wood? Seriously, this guy couldn’t buy a hap at World of Haps Outlet Store on Presidents Day. Maybe Mark Trail will spin off The Trials of Wally Wood to compete in the coveted “misery porn” bracket now dominated by Funky Winkerbean, featuring guest appearances by Mark to get things rolling:
||“The IRS called — they’re denying your writeoff for the trees.”
||“Watch out — there’s a beaver behind you!”
||“Wait – is that a locust?”
||“My farm — it’s ruined!”
||“Say, I think you got a little rash on your neck, there.”
||“Hmm … looks like rain.”
Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/27/15
And the comic strip makes three. Or maybe they just killed the wrong dog.
– Uncle Lumpy
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When you create a character who is as unlikeable as oh, say, Ed Crankshaft, from time to time you have to fake up some appealing qualities or history so the audience doesn’t come to its senses and give up on the strip entirely. So here comes “Backstabbin’ Bedwetter” Barry Wilkins — who can singlehandedly make you feel sorry for his brother Curtis — totin’ Teddy and talkin’ tough, ready for redemption.
There’s no precedent at all for Barry’s altruism — he was just as bored/disgusted by his brother’s romantic aspirations in Tuesday’s strip as he ever was, and nothing changed on Wednesday. There won’t be any consequences, either — Barry will be just as hateful as ever the next time we check in on him. It’s just time for a quick karma rinse-and-run.
I’ll take it all back if Michelle falls hopelessly in love with him.
Mary Worth, 4/23/15
NO NO NO TERRY DON’T DO IT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK. Aw crud – gave it up, and for nothing.
A small irony here is that Terry Bryson was introduced to the strip as a privacy consultant who helped Toby Cameron understand how to defend herself against intrusions into her confidential personal and financial information, and that people shouldn’t be dopes. Well, Terry, you can kiss your own precious privacy goodbye. Dope.
Oh boy — the long-awaited B.C./Crankshaft crossover.
I know Shoe is sort of the go-to strip for avian reproductive humor, but eww.
Mary Worth, 4/15/15
Nice to see that the “Adam is a stalker who just straight-up moved into his ex’s apartment complex without telling her to woo her back” aspect of this storyline hasn’t been dropped! Adam has room for only one creepy, all-consuming emotional attachment in his life at a time, people. Now that he’s physically incapable of foiling the many, many assassination attempts against Congressman McDugal, all that energy will be directed at loving Terry with a laser-focused, un-asked-for intensity that makes all other loves look like a pile of hot garbage by comparison. BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE LOVING, TERRY.
So it looks like the Phantom’s long bout of amnesia is finally going to be cured by … hearing a bunch of people say “walker”? As in “Ghost-Who-Walks?” This just makes Bangalla’s outdated state-run television service’s failure to acquire rights to AMC’s hit show The Walking Dead all the more tragic.
Beetle Bailey, 4/15/15
Not one crude drawing of a woman must be allowed to remain unsexualized! Not on Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industry LLC’s watch!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/15/15
Surely Cuzzin Irvin is aware that he (or at least his cuzzin) lives in an enclave of violent anti-government extremists? This is like one of those tragic stories where someone who happens to like wearing blue bandanas wanders into the wrong gang’s territory.
Herb and Jamaal, 4/15/15
“And none of us ever saw him again.”