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Comics archive! Mary Worth

Monday quickies

Six Chix, 11/24/14

All the turkeys are trying to get out of town this week! That’s because it’s almost Thanksgiving, and they’re justifiably terrified that they’re going to be killed and eaten.

Blondie, 11/24/14

But none of them ever imagined that, after they were killed but before they were eaten, Dagwood Bumstead might sexually fetishize their corpse.

Better Half, 11/24/14

As a financial advisor, it’s tough to keep coming up with “fun” ways to say “Welp, looks like you’re gonna die in poverty!”

Marvin, 11/24/14

“Constipated? Ha ha, it’s funny because Marvin has no problems making bowel movements! You can tell because he always smells like feces! Ha ha!”

Luann, 11/24/14

Hey, remember when Guther and Rosa decided to move to Peru for, uh, some reason? I had been thinking it was in order to do something noble but now we see that they’re just working in an extremely boring-looking call center.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/24/14

“We’ve swapped something you might actually want for something you definitely won’t!”

Mary Worth, 11/24/14

“My daughter? Oh, I definitely don’t love her. If I did, I’d have talked about her up top, when I was telling you about people I loved.”

Spider-Man, 11/24/14

Having lived in Los Angeles for nearly three months, I can assure you that panel two’s depiction of a Hollywood producer is 100% accurate.

With nobody left to eat them, their victory will be bittersweet

Momma, 11/23/14

A genuinely disturbing scene: despite the large sign letting visitors know that this is a farm where LIVE TURKEYS are raised, Momma, declining rapidly into dementia, is unable to identify these common barnyard animals by sight. Instead of gently helping his mother out, Thomas, no doubt to get a measure of revenge for decades of controlling behavior and barely veiled contempt for his wife, gives her some weird, wordy, obtuse description. Fortunately, these angry free-range birds have dimly perceived that their honor has been slighted and will now be rising up and destroying all humanity, presumably starting with the representatives nearest to hand.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/23/14

This is a nice coda to the story of Bull’s failure to get that college coaching job: we get a reminder that everyone wants to get the hell out of this cursèd town, but nobody can quite figure out how to do it.

Mary Worth, 11/23/14

I was going to make some joke about Mary Worth finding its true level by rejecting quotes from highbrow French philosophers and just going with Nicholas Sparks, but then I visualized Hanna enjoying a little post-coital flute-playing in Sean’s room only to be shushed by some busybody Somerset employee and my mind literally exploded with happiness.

As long as we’re not talking about Mary’s sex life, I’m good

Mary Worth, 11/19/14

Let me be clear: I may joke about this increasingly less coded elderotica storyline in Mary Worth, but, as someone with aspirations to someday be old and to also continue to be sexually active, I am 100% in favor of it. Today we learn helpful techniques! If you think your partner has mobility issues, let them set the pace. There are a wide variety of different kinds of movement that can feel good!

Luann, 11/19/14

Speaking of the love lives of non-youths, this virtual surprise party has resulted in the shocking revelation that Gunther’s mom is … maybe coming back from a date with … some … guy? Anyway, this is pretty disappointing if you’ve been shipping Gunther’s mom and Quill as hard as I have.

Six Chix, 11/19/14

I am 100% not in favor of this cartoon. Ha ha it’s funny because … the bird-mom is keeping her eggs warm by frying them in a pan? To eat??? THIS IS MONSTROUS. ALL SIX OF YOU CHIX ARE MONSTERS. I KNOW ONLY ONE OF YOU DREW THIS, BUT THE REST ARE TAINTED BY ASSOCIATION.