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Blondie, 7/12/26

Back in early 2024, Dithers had to regretfully report that DithersCo wasn’t using AI tools to boost productivity, with his employees mostly using their computers to play dumb and possibly scammy games on Facebook. In the subsequent months, it appears that the company has adopted AI — but, sadly, primarily as an automated toady for the boss, who has become the latest CEO to succumb to AI psychosis. Ironically, Dagwood and his coworkers are immune, since they refuse to engage with their devices on any level deeper than “Renegade-Rhino-Rummy.”

Zits, 7/12/26

I hadn’t mentioned it here, but earlier this year Zits went into reruns on weekdays and is now only doing new strips on Sundays. But that doesn’t mean the strip is shying away from storylines relevant to today’s teens, including real dark ones like “Jeremy gets dumped for a computer.”

Mary Worth, 7/12/26

Man, I didn’t think you could beat “Wilbur Weston thinks I’m a druggie loser so I might as well do drugs” for sheer patheticness, but then today Mary Worth hit us with “I’m going to flush these perfectly good drugs that probably cost me a week’s worth of pay from my minimum wage job down the toilet so I can live up to the version of me that Dawn Weston believes in,” respect. It’s amazing to think about how much more embarrassing this is than if he had just put “local bald guy thinks im losser should i do drugs yes or no” into ChatGPT or Yahoo! Answers or whatever.

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Alice, 7/10/26

This is honestly a perfect Alice strip. The actual joke, while not groundbreaking or anything, definitely made me laugh, mostly because of the phrasing and specific number given. But then you have a jaunty “No soup for you!” caption, because … you ate too many pretzels and aren’t hungry, I guess? And then below that you have an even smaller label letting you know that this is a reference to a 31-year-old Seinfeld episode. 31 years old! Did you know that “The Soup Nazi” is as far from us in time today as the Dick Van Dyke Show was from Seinfeld? I didn’t until just now, when I did that math. Thanks a lot, Alice, I hope you liked your pretzels.

Dennis the Menace, 7/10/26

Martha’s facial expression here is honestly kind of upsetting. Can’t she just have one moment of peace to give thanks to the Lord without her husband going off on some furious diatribe about the neighbor kid? Just one little moment, just for one day?

Heathcliff, 7/10/26

I honestly can’t believe that Blondie, which never seems to have met a widely shared cultural moment it doesn’t like, hasn’t been doing a series of dumb on-the-nose bits about the World Cup. Like, sure, soccer is for Godless communists, but so are the Olympics, and Blondie absolutely loves doing dumb on-the-nose bits about that. I guess Heathcliff has to pick up the slack, but Heathcliff being Heathcliff, it’s doing a bit that’s whatever the opposite of on the nose is. A bit that’s missing the face entirely? Anyway, I like it.

Mary Worth, 7/10/26

I like how absolutely furious Tommy looks as he’s compelled to buy drugs to prove a point of some kind to Wilbur. Wilbur! Nobody ever has to prove anything to Wilbur! I’m beginning to think that Tommy may not be very bright.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/9/26

As predicted, the scam twins (who are named Jean and Jane, I don’t think anyone predicted that) are indeed the nieces of notorious non-twin scam artist/Rex Morgan, M.D., antagonist Rene Belluso, who I guess really is just going by “Jimmy” now. Remember how he got extremely hit by a car and super-duper injured, back in January of 2024? Well, he’s still walking with canes today, in July of 2026, probably at least in part because of the substandard medical care he’s been receiving in prison. Anyway, this got kind of dark pretty fast so let’s move on to the next strip, shall we?

Mary Worth, 7/9/26

Speaking of beloved characters from the past, you might think that this is Tommy’s beloved old crackhead pal Vin, but apparently it’s some similarly stubble-headed guy named “Reno.” You can tell the difference because Vin was outgoing, effusive, and eager to share his drugs with his good friend, whereas Reno is aloof, standoffish, and makes you do the work of coming to him and asking respectfully if he has any drugs to sell. Anyway, you can always make jokes about Tommy’s drug problems! It’s never too dark!

Pluggers, 7/9/26

Speaking of drugs, I used to make jokes about pluggers getting high when talking about the Pluggers panels that revolve around prescription meds, but then someone admonished me about this and pointed out that most prescription meds aren’t mood-altering or addictive and many people need to take them and you shouldn’t conflate them with recreational drugs. Which is fair! But check out the pinpoint pupils on this she-plugger today. Most pluggers are only taking the prescription drugs they need to keep their failing bodies alive, but this plugger in particular is definitely packing a bunch of fun pills on her vacation. She’s extremely zooted right now, before she’s even left!