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Mary Worth, 6/13/26

Dawn’s never alone because of her friends! You know, like Cathy, who’s always eating giant salads, and other Cathy, who Dawn probably drifted away from because she didn’t “get” Dawn’s weird and possibly sexual relationship with her art history professor, and her terrible ex-boyfriend Jared, who dumped her and then bullied her into being friends with him so he could feel OK about getting together with the girl he dumped her for, and … uh, I think that’s it. Well, there’s Mary, I guess. She’s sort of a friend. And Tommy! Over the course of the day they’ve at least become friendly. That’s close enough, right?

Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/13/26

The good news is that Ma Goose is now reciting her tepid jokes at some random character we’ve never seen before instead of just saying them into the phone. The bad news is that she looks terrible. I think she might be dying?

Six Chix, 6/13/26

Hey, wouldn’t it be interesting if your dog were chased by some kind of giant, nightmarish bug creature? Have a fun weekend, everybody!

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Pluggers, 6/7/26

Look, I know that Pluggers has lost its focus on pluggers being hard-working, blue collar real Americans and now mostly dwells on stuff like “pluggers eat a lot” and “pluggers are old and have mobility issues that significantly degrade their quality of life.” Still, I don’t think we should accept “pluggers exist on several layers of narrative and metanarrative and are slowly becoming aware of that fact.” That’s just not the sort of thing pluggers do or think about! They’re down-home regular beast-people, not characters in a damn Borges short story.

Beetle Bailey, 6/7/26

Pretty sure this is the closest Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC has come to acknowledging that Beetle and Miss Buxley, as young adults in a relationship in ostensibly the modern day, are probably having sex? Things quickly go south right after that acknowledgement, though, thank goodness.

Mary Worth, 6/7/26

“I used to hate myself! But now I’ve done a lot of work and I don’t anymore. When my girlfriend left town to take care of some important family members I immediately assumed it meant she was breaking up with me, by the way! Ha ha, my head is made of wood!”

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Mary Worth, 6/3/26

Bad news, everyone: Tommy has managed to “seal the deal,” as they say in the sex-having community. He’s not like the other guys, as demonstrated by the fact that he refers to frozen yogurt as “fro-yo.” If he’d called it “frogurt,” he’d have a long, lonely night ahead of him.

Shoe, 6/3/26

Look, I complain a lot about how Shoe generally refuses to acknowledge that its characters are all birds, so I have to hand it to today’s strip: “Charles Squab” is a solid bird-themed pun. Unfortunately this scenario is out of date: the Perfesser, as the strip has repeatedly established and indeed makes clear today, does not have anywhere near the amount of assets that would justify in-person financial advice, and would have been pushed into checking his balances on squab.com, or squab.bird, or whatever the top-level domain in the Shoeniverse is.

Alice, 6/3/26

Why not look 70 at 70? Why not look however old Alice looks at whatever age Alice is? Have you ever given any thought to how old Alice looks, or is? I hadn’t, but now I can’t stop thinking about it, and whether those two numbers match up, and how you could even tell!

Gil Thorp, 6/3/26

COACH BABU: I can help Beth with the wedding.

GIL: Are you sure, Coach Babu?

COACH BABU: Only if I can plan the sangeet. Is there one?

GIL [nervously glances down at the convenient narration box explaining what a sangeet is, learns that it sounds fun and also inexpensive]: There is now!