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Mary Worth, 8/24/26

So, just to bring you up to speed on Mary Worth, last week there was no follow-up to Dawn’s single tear of romantic longing, and instead we got the sort of Mary congratulatory victory lap (Wilbur admitting to her at length that he was wrong to think ill of Dawn and Tommy hanging out and thanking her for setting him straight) that we’ve come to associate with the end of a storyline. So, it’s not clear to me if this BUZZ BUZZ! is Dawn-heartbreak-related, or if we’re starting a new plot, one where the United States has devolved into chaos and Charterstone residents now rely on the supplemental food supply that Mary was wise enough to establish. Sure, everyone seems pretty calm given that background, but you have to understand that Mary decides how many weekly calories your conduct has entitled you to, so nobody wants to get too out of pocket no matter how much panic they’re feeling inside.

The Phantom, 8/24/26

The Phantom was introduced to the world two years before Superman and three years before Batman, and I appreciate the way that he has stubbornly stayed a sort of proto-superhero rather than evolving with the rest of the cape genre (he’s never worn a cape, for one thing). So, for instance, he’s kind of like Batman in that he’s an ordinary human whose “powers” are the result of relentless training, but unlike Batman or just about any other superhero, one of his powers is that he’s really good at shooting guns. And he’ll do it, too! New problem on the horizon, like AI-controlled drones? Why not solve that problem by shooting at it, with guns? Let’s give it a go! Probably can’t hurt!

Herb and Jamaal, 8/24/26

You gotta admit, Sarah is taking a high-risk, high-reward strategy in this conversation. Sure, Jamaal was probably going to reply to her statement in panel two with a question that would allow her to bust out this sick burn, but wasn’t guaranteed by any means. What if Jamaal had been like, “Oh, he keeps saying he’s going to start working out, good for him!” and then, what, she’s going to say, “Uh, yeah, well, uh, guess what kind of exercises he’s doing. Just guess.” “Huh, I dunno, I told him he might want to start with some resistance tr–” “DIDDLY SQUATS”

Pluggers, 8/24/26

A public library is a plugger data center, in the sense that it’s something a plugger will go to a city council meeting to oppose because he thinks it’ll make his taxes go up.

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Six Chix, 8/16/26

The Wednesday Chik has not given up on her mission to educate comics readers on the true nature of the afterlife, which is that everyone there is horny as all get-out. Your soul, after you ascend from this plane of base matter, will still want to fuck, and specifically will want to fuck Simon, known as Cephas or Peter, who holds the keys of the kingdom of heaven, so that whatever he binds on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever he looses on earth will be loosed in heaven. He’ll be wearing sunglasses for whatever reason.

Mary Worth, 8/16/26

Oh, uh, I guess despite Dawn’s cheery demeanor earlier this week, she has in fact fallen for Tommy’s roguish charms, and not just in a platonic way, I’m talking about the fact that she wants to bone him, and now she’s sad that Brandy, his long-term girlfriend who he never broke up with, is back in the picture, as symbolized by the dramatic single tear she’s dropping in the final panel. I guess we shouldn’t find this surprising, and in fact should be encouraged that she actually was able to hold it together emotionally for the length of this conversation.

Dennis the Menace, 8/16/26

I love that Dennis is just kind of silently lurking on the edges of this conversation, enjoying a juice box. “Seems like Mrs. Wilson is doing plenty of menacing at Mr. Wilson,” he’s thinking. “I’ll stick around just in case I need to jump in, but it looks like she’s got it handled for today.”

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Gearhead Gertie, 8/13/26

The Golden Rule — that you should treat others as you would like to be treated — is an ethical concept that seems to have arisen in parallel in most world religious and philosophical traditions. It’s obviously an important thing for people to learn, as I think we all know people who have a hard time seeing other people as truly autonomous beings separate from themselves, and seem never to consider “How would this make me feel if someone did this to me?” before acting.

However, a more advanced version of the same concept is the Platinum Rule — that you should treat another person as that person would like to be treated. Sadly, it appears that Gertie has yet to reach this level of philosophical awareness: maybe she would be aroused by a partner who evoked the experience of being at the racetrack by daubing himself with gasoline, but her long-suffering, NASCAR-averse husband will merely recoil in disgust.

Mary Worth, 8/13/26

Hey, remember how this whole storyline kicked off because Tommy’s girlfriend Brandy left town to deal with some family issues and Tommy was immediately like “Brandy leave me! Why Brandy not here? Where Brandy go?” But now she’s back in town/in his immediate field of vision and everything is great again. Do you think that when he was a little kid and Iris was playing peek-a-boo with him, when she moved her hands from in front of her face so he could see her he said, “Look who’s back! What a cool surprise!” Anyway, Brandy appears to have, ah, switched ethnicities over the course of her travels, but, you know, Tommy got a haircut while she was away, so I guess everyone’s changed a lot.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/13/26

Every time the scam twins visit their Uncle Rene in prison and talk openly about their various crimes, a lot of my readers in the comments are like “guys EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS BEING RECORDED!!!!” It’s a little more nuanced than that — if they were talking on a phone through glass or a screen they’d definitely be recorded, but in-person visits like this are not necessarily recorded in all cases, although courts have ruled that participants in such visits should have no expectations of privacy. Anyway, my point is that whatever guards are within earshot probably don’t care that much about the scam twins — their job is to guard the people already there, not catch new criminals — but I think if one of their charges, the length of whose time served will presumably hinge on factors like likelihood to reoffend, were to start monologuing about how only he has the skills to truly do ambitious crimes, and he’s going to start doing them again the minute he gets out of prison, their ears might prick up a bit.

Rhymes With Orange, 8/13/26

Ah crap, ah crap! All these fancy AI companies gave the machines souls, you guys! They gave them souls and that’s how they got to heaven and then they overthrew God and His angels