Archive: Rex Morgan, M.D.

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Beetle Bailey, 3/5/23

“Oh, posh,” you’re probably thinking, “Surely a tech whiz like Spc. Chip Gizmo would simply use a password manager to keep track of all his login information.” Sorry, wrong, this fundamentally misunderstands the nature of the Beetle Bailey universe. Chip Gizmo arrived in the strip in 2002 in response to the increasing popularity of these newfangled “computers” and, like all the other characters, has not evolved or changed or learned anything new since the day of his creation, so he’s never heard of a password manager. (Beetle was created in 1950, which is why he naively assumes that any complex piece of machinery must surely come with an instruction manual explaining how to operate it.)

Dennis the Menace, 3/5/23

“Older than I was when we got here. The linear flow of time and the operational state of our bodies only move in one direction, and that direction points us straight towards death. Feeling menaced yet, doc?”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/5/23

SPOILER ALERT: It’s piss, everybody! He’s an old man who’s been stuck in that chair all night, and the thing he needs to do is piss.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/2/24

My faithful readers are all familiar with Rex Morgan, M.D., the soap opera comic strip where nothing ever happens. But what if nothing happening was a sign that … something was happening? Specifically, what if the Count not getting out his chair was a sign that Rex had misdiagnosed something much more serious as a mere ankle sprain? Sounds like an exciting malpractice lawsuit is in the cards! (We regret to inform you that lawsuits, no matter how exciting, are another situation where something happens in the form of nothing happening for long periods of time.)

Gasoline Alley, 3/2/24

Wow, this is, uh, a choice for something to say to the person you pay to live with and care for your father full-time, who is the primary person we ever see talking and listening to him. “Oh, ha ha, I didn’t mean you, Gertie, obviously. Obviously! Say, why don’t you go cook something?”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/26/24

Every once in a while, the Rex Morgan, M.D., creative team remembers the “M.D.” part of the strip title and realizes they’re supposed to be doing medical or medical-adjacent storylines. Unfortunately, they hate that, so they make them as boring as possible to ensure that we don’t demand more of them. Healing is mostly sitting around and not doing anything, if you think about it, and is that what you want to read about in a comics strip? When you could be getting more juicy gossip about what sort of drama goes on within the roots country community? I think not.

Marvin, 2/26/24

Every once in a while, the Marvin creative team remembers that they do a daily strip where the primary joke is that the main character, a baby with adult-level cognition, pisses and shits himself constantly, and enjoys it, and worry that they might be put in jail for their many crimes, so they have to do an even more off-putting strip so that a few days later, when newspapers print a strip where a Marvin grins smugly after voiding his bowels into his diaper and everyone around him recoils in disgust, the average reader thinks, “Well, at least this one isn’t about a dog contemplating a human’s genitals” rather than picking up the phone and dialing 911.

Mary Worth, 2/26/24

“It seems he’s a bachelor no more … so amazing that he’s managed to have a 20-year-old daughter in a just a few weeks!” Toby is just 100% zooted to the gills.