Funky Winkerbean, 8/14/16
All week long we’ve been enduring tell-don’t-show conversations about “hazing” followed by weak-sauce wordplay, ain’t-it-awful mopery, and one incredibly off “joke” about depriving a sick old man of his oxygen. So I suppose we should be glad that Sunday’s strip finally shows us some actual hazing? And even more glad that hazing is now a thing of the past, having been overcome through unspecified single-handed efforts by our chop-jawed heroine Becky here?
Nope! This is Funky Winkerbean, and that last panel is there to show us that no matter how good things may seem, somebody suffers. Somebody always suffers.
PS. If you really want to suffer, try taking a nap on a Sousaphone some time.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/14/16
After learning that Dolly Pierpont artificially spun up Sarah’s career by buying all her horsey pictures and museum books, Rex spent the week telling her to back the hell off with the chauffeur-driven Mercedes, private-school tuition, art lessons, museum donations, and soirée guest-of-honor slots, and let Sarah earn her own honors. Dude, who are you, and what have you done with the real Rex Morgan?
Now we learn that Dolly was only trying to buy Sarah as a replacement for her dear departed Linda. You know, if she’d come to Rex with that deal in the first place, I’m sure they could’ve worked something out.
Judge Parker, 8/14/16 (panels)
I’ll spare you more “Neddy has a sad” panels. The real action is rolling down from Morristown in the rain, doubtless approaching Chekhov’s Curve off the main road to Alpine Pass. Enjoy A Sip Of vodka, Zeke and Ms. Honey “Does Not Understand Inventory Management” Ballenger – you’re in for a long night!
Well, that’s it for me. Thanks for a fun week — Josh will be back bright and early Monday.
— Uncle Lumpy
Judge Parker, 7/11/16
I don’t really have the strength to get into the various nuances of the Sophie-Derek-Honey triangle, or how the details have shifted over time to make Sophie look better. I just want to enjoy Derek’s hilarious pissyface in panel one. Look at that thing! It’s almost like he thought inviting two girls who like him but hate each other on this trip was a good idea and the scenario was going to work out great for him and everyone else involved. Sorry Derek!
Gil Thorp, 7/11/16
Is this funeral in a church? I really want Tru to have his full on nihilist breakdown in a church. “Some things are just random. No omniscient deity guides us towards an ending that was meant to be! Nothing has any meaning!” [clergyman attempts to drag him away] “Get your hands off me, you charlatan!”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/11/16
Meanwhile, in the “Rex found valuable comic books under the floorboard of his attic” plot, Rex’s pals are putting the valuable comic books that have been slowly mouldering under the floorboards of Rex’s attic for decades into protective sleeves, apparently under the misapprehension that protective sleeves work retroactively.
Slylock Fox, 7/11/16
You know, considering how often Slylock has Max and Melanie over socially, you’d think he’d get some chairs they could actually sit in.
(Psst! Today’s the twelfth anniversary of the day I started this blog by writing a pissy screed about Non Sequitur, for some reason! Thanks to everyone who’s been reading for twelve years or twelve minutes. It’s still fun and you’re all great!)
Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/28/16
Haha, whoops! It looks like Sarah isn’t an uncanny little child-genius best-selling author after all! Nope, it seems her mob patron is just buying up all her books, for some inscrutable but no doubt extremely sinister purpose. My bet is “one component in a large money laundering scheme” but “a way to forever tie Sarah to her criminal enterprise through a web of unsought obligations” is a solid possibility too, and heck, who says it can’t be both!
Six Chix, 6/28/16
Hello, comics reader! Have you ever eaten food that you purchased in a restaurant? Well, Six Chix would like you to know that it was full of the grossest stuff you can think of.
Pluggers are just really dirty, really just covered with all sorts of nasty stains. Pluggers!