Mary Worth, 7/27/14
Hmm, just the other day Mark Trail was giving out relationship advice, and here’s Mary pulling a drowning victim to safety. Ian Cameron better watch his beard, is what I’m saying.
Funky Winkerbean (rotated), 7/27/14
Starbuck Jones rescues Broadway and film legend Carol Channing from a series of late-career guest appearances in cheesy sitcoms: “Raaaaaaaaaaaaspberries!”
This is over now, right?
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/27/14
You can almost hear them cackle over at Rex Morgan headquarters: “So you’ve had enough of SARAH, have you, faithful readers? Well here’s an academic politics story for you – and Rex as the voice of reason! SOON YOU WILL BEG FOR SARAH.”
Well, that’s it for me. Thanks for a fun couple weeks — see you again in late August as we follow along the Great Josh and Amber Westward Migration. Josh himself will be back Monday with special-edition Comments of the Two Weeks, a detailed critique of Mary’s figure as revealed by her soaking-wet nightgown, and all the usual succulent Joshy goodness. ‘Bye!
– Uncle Lumpy
Mary Worth, 7/23/14
That’s it, Olive! Hide in the pool! They won’t think to look there what with your abject terror of water and stuff, so what could possibly go wrong?
If Olive lives through this night, she can look forward to a career acting in teen slasher movies.
You know, we missed Kwanzaa this year, but I’ll accept that X-ray in panel 1 and Chang’s pants as partial compensation.
Still not as heartless as Funky Winkerbean. Up your game, Crock.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/23/14
Kelly – “What if I am insufficiently pleasing to SARAH? How could I go on living?
Niki – “That was before! Things are different now — and by ‘different’, I mean ‘later.’”
This started out a three-panel comic, but no newspaper would print the other two.
– Uncle Lumpy
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/20/14
Long ago, I worked with a photographer who was also a passionate VW enthusiast, and for whom every new “upgrade” to his beloved brand was a kick in the solar plexus: One-piece rear window, UNGH! Big tail lights, UNGH! Convertible top, UNGH! When they introduced a semiautomatic transmission he uttered a fearsome oath, bought a Porsche, and never looked back. Good thing, too, or he would’ve seen the abomination Niki’s driving.
The same dark forces that turned the bug by degrees into the Super Beetle turned Original Niki and Kelly into these two. We first met Niki snatching June’s purse to buy artisanal salami for his methskank Mom, then doing some impressive ethical acrobatics to talk himself into a big payday “reward” after an extended tutorial from Rex. Kelly started out a stereotypical Bad Girl running off to drug parties in the woods and having a Brush with Death before Seeing the Error of Her Ways. Now they’re all cleaned up, and droning out text like “Sarah’s a great kid and I like her very much” about hideous paint-spattered brat-monsters. Kids, don’t let the Morgans get anywhere near you, is what I’m saying.
Slylock Fox (panel), 7/20/14
Slylock’s totalitarian society descends into outright racism: “First they came for the skunks and I did not speak out, because I was not stinky.”
Lockhorns (panel), 7/20/14
Loretta, lack of wind is not the problem.
Also: Alfas haven’t had those bumpers since 1982. Has Leroy been bald 32 years?
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/20/14
Parson Tuttle’s own sins tend toward small-time grifting, so he’s plum tickled to get a lead on the more entertainin’ sinnin’ goin’ on in th’ Holler.
Piranha Club, 7/20/14
Now that right there is an authentic automobile. Own it, Ernie — own it as long as you possibly can. Doris will be happy to drive you to work.
– Uncle Lumpy