Archive: Rex Morgan, M.D.

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Beetle Bailey, 1/17/20

Congrats to Beetle Bailey on more or less understanding an aspect of modern life! Just a few little corrections:

  • The term you’re sort of botching is “social media star,” though honestly what you’d really want to say is “influencer.”
  • Despite the fact that King Features has 1,067 Instagram followers, Beetle, even with three times that many, would be several orders of magnitude away from being a true influencer.
  • Instagram wouldn’t really be Beetle’s platform, anyway; where he’d do gangbusters would be with his own ASMR YouTube channel.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/17/20

Finally, Rex sees an opportunity to nail down exactly how old his wife is, something he’s been trying to figure out without just breaking down and asking her directly for years now. But June’s not going to let him get out of it this easily.

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Curtis, 1/14/19

Apologies for not keeping you up to date on Curtis, where the Kwanzaa storyline fizzled out and then there was a whole storyline where Michelle gave him a new hat, which I guess is intended to “update” his look, but then Curtis remembered that his old hat was given to him by his dad, and it was a bonding moment, but anyway what finally has moved me to comment is that Heart-Throb thinks he needs to stand near Curtis and his dumb new hat to win the attention of the ladies, as if he weren’t wearing a hat indicating that he’s the Doge of Venice! What middle school girl wouldn’t want to spend time with a duke elected by the merchant oligarchy of a most serene maritime republic? Baby, the riches plundered from Constantinople in 1204 can be yours!

Funky Winkerbean, 1/14/19

“Listen, Les… I’m going to level with you here: I’ve been typecast in Hollywood. The town only sees me as a handsome action hero who always saves the day, gets the girl, and leaves you feeling better for having spent time with him. But I’m ready with Lisa’s Story to break the mold, to transform myself into someone who’s completely insufferable, a man who lets events wash over him and is chiefly marked by the parasitic sympathy he gains from the suffering of his loved ones. Also, like Charlize Theron in Monster, I’m going to have to spend hours in the makeup chair every day to transform my handsome visage into … you know, yours. Best Actor Oscar, here I come!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/14/19

“Don’t apologize for that, Kelly. Remember, we pay you to look after our kids. No matter how many lives you have to destroy with wild, unfounded accusations, that should always be your first priority!”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/12/20

FRIDAY: Oh my gosh! Does June’s weird pseudo-relative have a terrible alcohol problem??? Could be a juicy storyline here!!!

SUNDAY: Enh, never mind, she’s just old and sleepy and messy and likes hard-to-find soda! Whew, drama over, let’s all take an unplanned nap, shall we?

Blondie, 1/12/20

Dagwood claims to be uncomfortable, but do you notice how his naturally bent knees fit perfectly into the length of his couch? Could this be an evolutionary adaptation in Homo bumsteadus?

Beetle Bailey, 1/12/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Sarge will take out his frustrations on his subordinates, violently!