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Dennis the Menace, 10/5/26

Part of being a sophisticated textual critic such as myself is that you have to be able to distinguish between “something I dislike” and “something that is executed poorly.” So, for instance, you know that on principle I dislike the “Dennis insults his mother’s cooking” Dennis the Menace panels. But if you’re going to do it, having Dennis stare ahead, dead-eyed and drooling, and saying “This tastes like shit, mom, it tastes like food that’s just been lying around until it goes bad” is a pretty good execution.

Dick Tracy, 10/5/26

Big news, everyone! A new Dick Tracy storyline is starting today, and the very first strip is a guy falling down the stairs and dying! Or at least I assume? He actually looks pretty much the same in the air as he does on the ground, so maybe he’s fine and just shaped like that.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/5/26

For too long, the Baby Boomers and retro-hipster Gen Xers of Glenwood have only been able to express their toxic nostalgia through dedication to roots country music. But soon they’ll also be able to enjoy older films that have been largely forgotten by the mainstream cineaste community for presumably good reason, thanks to Mae Mae’s carefully invested movie earnings and/or Glenwood’s rock-bottom real estate prices!

Crankshaft, 10/5/26

“As a matter of fact, some prescription medications, especially generics, are manufactured in China. It’s somewhat more common, however, for the chemical raw materials to be produced in China while the drug formulation happens in India. Just another facet of our globalized era, where different countries with different prevailing labor costs and specific know-how end up specializing in different segments of the supply chain. I know that’s not a ‘punchline’ per se but I thought you might find it interesting!”

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Mary Worth, 10/2/26

To me, “Toby gets some parrots and Ian melts down about it” was basically a perfect Mary Worth storyline. But for those who would demand that it be justified as serving some larger purpose, may I present today’s strip, in which one of the accursed birds introduced into this setting by that storyline mimics Ian’s adulterous sex moans while Toby is in a particularly vulnerable state.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/2/26

I had sort of forgotten that Mud Mountain Murphy wasn’t already living in Glenwood, what with him seemingly being there all the time. But, big news, he’s going to be living in Glenwood now! Exciting stuff and a real addition to the local roots country scene. You’re on the email list, right? If you’re not, don’t worry, you’re just going to run into him everywhere. It’s not really that big a town.

The Phantom, 10/2/26

Holy crap, it turns out that mysterious masked figure “Ignis Vindicta” is in fact “Ian Mollusk,” the Phantomverse’s transparent Elon Musk standin! Who could have possibly predicted this shocking development? Oh, what’s that you say, it was predicted on this very blog by me back in July and by everyone in my comments section for weeks before that? Interesting, interesting.

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Family Circus, 9/30/26

God damn but Gary looks smug here. “That’s right, Mrs. K.! My parents love me, but they don’t love each other … and they’re engaged in a constant but unspoken game of mutual oneupmanship for my affections. The two rooms are just the beginning! I’m really sitting in the catbird seat here! Uh, by which I mean, I see Billy has a lovely home. Just the one, obviously.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/30/26

“We were just taking in the fall colors! Like, uh, green! Green is a color, and it’s fall, so I guess it’s a fall color? I guess it’s fall? What month is it? What year is it? Where am I? Why am I here? Oh, it’s Mud Mountain Murphy! Are you gonna play ‘Muddy Boots?’ I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist that you play ‘Muddy Boots.’”