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Many many Tuesday comics

Luann, 7/12/11

I’ve been reading Luann long enough to recognize that when there’s a nameplate sitting on a desk in the third panel with a name written in more or less legible Chicago font, it’s supposed to be meaningful; however, I haven’t been reading long enough to know who “Ann Eiffel” is. Quick, to the Luann Wikipedia page! Said Wikipedia page is of course ludicrously over-detailed and has already provided plenty of fodder for the Wikipedia-themed Tumblr I help run; however, I shouldn’t knock it, because it provided the crucial information that Ann is a sex predator of indeterminate romantic orientation, having been fired from her bookstore-management job because of her lustful obsession with Bernice and/or Zane (Zane being Bernice’s wheelchair-bound love interest, circa 2002). Combine that with the way she lingers over “appreciative” in panel two and I think we all know that we have Brad WeenieWorld Harass-O-Thon ’11 ahead of us, which I cannot even tell you how excited I am about it.

Opening discussion question for Brad WeenieWorld Harass-O-Thon ’11: Is it easier to sexually harass people at WeenieWorld than at other companies, because you could always plausibly claim that all your inappropriate weenie-themed remarks were in fact work related?

Blondie, 7/12/11

My favorite part about this cartoon is that Blondie is just hanging out inside, chattering on the phone, letting all the numerologically fixated lovebirds stew out in the heat. It’s even funnier because, seeing as Blondie and Tootsie are the only Blondie’s Catering employees, I’m assuming that they’re only going to be able to cater the wedding for the first couple in line.

Mark Trail, 7/12/11

See, this is what happens when you overuse bold in your word balloons: when Sheriff Whatshisface finally realizes that his son was the Moccasin Thief all along, the only way his hurt and betrayal can be properly expressed is through yellow lettering. Yellow: the color of paternal heartbreak.

Mary Worth, 7/12/11

At first I though Jeff was putting together a spreadsheet to prove with science and numbers that Mary should marry him. But in fact it appears that he’s long ago given up that hope, and now is only focused on how lucrative her meddling powers are.

Ziggy, 7/12/11

Oh, Ziggy, I think your goldfish is quite well aware of the mammalian nature of whales (or, as fish call them, “warm-blooded sea-frauds”). I think that evil grin is there because he fervently believes that the man-whale battle depicted in Moby Dick is just the opening salvo in an intra-mammal civil war that will allow the fish to pick up the pieces and rule supreme in the Neo-Devonian golden age.

Ballard Street, 7/12/11

I’m pretty sure this is the first time an actual puddle of urine has been depicted on the comics pages. I would have guessed that Marvin would the be perpetrator.

Beetle Bailey, 7/12/11

The easiest way to get me to stop making jokes about Beetle Bailey’s Beetle-and-Sarge-are-lovers subtext: turn it into Beetle-and-Sarge-are-lovers text. Boring!

6 Chix, 7/12/11

Meanwhile, in Six Chix, some lady is giving a genie a handjob.

312 responses to “Many many Tuesday comics”

  1. Ellie
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Haha, Sarge’s reflection in the mirror doesn’t show his hand or bandage…

  2. word-doctor
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Heart of the City — Dean is in dire need of a squirrel with some nuts:

    (Probably NSFW!)

  4. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox — Nice cameo by the eponymous characters from Moose and Molly… the long-running strip (since 1965) created by Bob Weber’s father, Bob Weber, Senior!

  5. Chyron HR
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Blondie – …because? Is Rememberance Day considered mushy and romantic now? Did I miss a memo?

    Funky Winkerbean – “Yes, yes, that’s (yawn) fascinating. But did you know that MY wife, Lisa, had CANCER? Isn’t that the most important thing in all of human history?”

  6. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    I have no joke here, I just like throwing my hands in the air and shouting “ALAN! ALAN! ALAN!”

  7. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    MT: I find the Clean-Cut-Kids Gang’s plans for their loot to be kind of sweetly modest: “We’ll throw a big party! Heck, just by fencing the television sets, we can get the best plastic cups that money can buy! And no more buttercream frosting for us. It’s ganache all the way!”

  8. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    The *first* pool of urine as depicted on the comic pages? Josh!! Have we forgotten the sepia-toned urine of Funky Winkerbean so soon?!!!

  9. Currer Bell
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    I…I have a confession to make. I thought chemosabe was cute.

  10. Pseudo3D
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    BB: Thing is, they’re like a couple, not actually are. That’s my way of seeing it, at least.

    Dustin: I hate it when someone makes some mean comment, and the other people around grin like the hateful little imps they all are.

    DT: Good lord, Pouch was creepy enough last time. Now he doesn’t have a nose and has these horrible beady eyes. Brrr.

    FW: Gosh, I hate that look of Les in the first panel. Is it Self-Righteous Les or Creepy Les?

    GA: Slim really is an idiot, isn’t he?

    S-M: “J. Jonah Jameson also talks in third person!”

    MW: Remind me again: what’s “Peace Village”? Is it a cult owned by Mary?

  11. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I’m going to pretend that the fourth couple in line is really a same-sex pairing, and it’s actually *Ms* Blueshirt with the pointy haircut.

    *hums “Imagine” for a moment, then segues into “New York, New York”*

    Josh posted newthread in between my Preview and Post. *sigh* I tried not to get jumped, really I did.

  12. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    FW – Sorry, but the Sopranos used this joke in their first season (1999), and the point of the scene was that the joke was already tired back then.

    JP – OK, so this flash mob pretty much puts to rest any notion that this isn’t all a publicity stunt orchestrated by the marketing intern, Constant Titsinasling. How else do they all know his name, when most faithful readers would have guessed his first name was “Judge”?

    Luann – Someone is going to sexually harass Brad? This is reaching foobocalypse levels of implausibility/wish fulfillment.

  13. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Congratulations, Josh, you just made Ziggy actually funny!

    Luann: Ooh, artificial romantic tension for our sappy couple (in this case, in a harrassy vein). This overused story contrivance celebrates its 25,786,213rd anniversary.

    BBailey: The Walkers’ intended anniversary present for this blog. Backfired, guys!

    ReFOOB: The Impossible Success Story is only a matter of time now. Gordon, I hope you like extreme aging!

  14. S. Stout
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Luann: I doubt Evans was even thinking about a harassment storyline… it’s more likely he couldn’t be bothered to create a new character. However, if there’s a seduction scene on the WeenieWorld counter I won’t complain. Anything to end Brad/Toni!

    Blondie: Hey, it’s Rod Serling from the Twilight Zone in the bottom left corner! Given his perplexed look, even he can’t imagine a world where this many people would want Blondie to cater their wedding.

  15. Anonymous
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    BS–Good God! What is that bloated thing staggering away from the man inexplicably dressed as a fire hydrant? Why did the man remain still as the hideous beast slowly drizzled urine on him? WHY IS HE DRESSED AS A FIRE HYDRANT IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER?

  16. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#3):

    Hey, who stole my nuts? (Was it you, Hammy?) So here’s another link:

  17. S. Stout
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#5):

    Some people get really excited about dates that are easy to remember. Even though all wedding expenses will be much higher that day to due to supply/demand.

  18. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Luann: Prediction: Brad will be too thick to understand any of the sexual innuendos thrown at him, frustrating his sexual predator boss to the point of quitting.

    MT: I just assumed that the yellow was to indicate that the shock was so great that sheriff moustache pissed himself.

  19. Doctor Handsome
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Ziggy’s fish is just giggling childishly at the word “Dick.” And he’s right, that’s by far the funniest thing that’s ever been in the strip.

  20. Josh
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#11): Pretty much every day, new post is up by 9! If you want to avoid being post-jumped, wait until 9! I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. If I don’t have something up by 9 then in all likelihood it won’t be up until the evening, but most days it goes up between 8 and 9.


  21. Terry
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Blondie–My horror at the artist’s attempt to portray a “minority couple” was quickly mitigated by an even stronger revulsion at the sexual fever that seems to be overtaking most of the couples waiting outside Blondie’s store. Most of the couples can be seen demonstrating various levels of PDOA; even the stodgy middle-aged couple near the front of the line are beginning to get ideas. No wonder Blondie is loathe to let this unruly mob in her store.

  22. ratnerstar
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    I hopped over to the Luanne wikipedia site, and it’s certainly crazy. But what interested me most was this:

    … Borderline CEO Jim Hernandez … arranged to transfer Eiffel to the new bookstore in Tokyo, Japan as a means of retaliation for the treatment of her employees, and for the sexual harassment policies she violated.

    Wow, I wish my company would punish sexual harassment via a free trip to Japan.

  23. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#14):

    “Submitted for your approval: a sideways world obsessed with numerology and a lust for mediocre cakes and confections. Colour-matched couples line the streets for a chance to cross these off-kilter compulsions in a bizarre street-side mass wedding, that could only occur in…the twilight zone…..”

    /cue music/

  24. Little Guy
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    6C: Guest writer: Vittorio Giardino.

  25. Spunde
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Luann: So wait. Josh knows the manager at WeenieWorld is a sexual predator, but Brad doesn’t?

    I do, though, like the fact that Ann’s “desk” is actually the counter. Clearly she carries the nameplate, which wouldn’t really be necessary in the office of a 1,200 square foot fast food restaurant, around with her to show everyone who’s boss.

  26. Dennis Jimenez
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Luann – B-Wad – Ann Eiffel – Weiner World – and they let them run this in a family newspaper!

    Blondie – Say what you will – I’d gladly stand in line for 45 minutes for them to make me a Blondie-Tootsy sandwich….

    MT – OK – don’t follow the strip these days, but that’s a cameo by Rock Hudson, today, right???

    MW – Last panel – I shudder to think of Doc Jeffs palm and the unseen cyber porn of Filthy Fiftysomethings on the screen….

    Ziggy – Call me…um, pathetic….

    BS – Well named….

    BB – And again, in a family newspaper!

    6C – Shocking, but at least she’s not working the spout….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  27. Little Guy
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @ratnerstar (#22): What Who do you think was responsible for the earthquake/tsunami/meltdown? Some suicidal CEO?

    If this ends up Brad tortured and raped on a bare bed, Greg Evans is going to get a C&D from Alan Ball.

  28. Dan
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    How does one sexually harass a Luann character? By telling them there’s more to sex than double entendres?

  29. Kristian
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Six Chix: XKCD did it.

  30. un malpaso
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Say what you will, but Ann Eiffel has MY tower rising.
    By which I mean, I am getting an erection from seeing a character in Luann and becoming sexually excited, which is a reflection either of my suffering sex life or my total failure as a human being… your choice.
    If you know what I mean.
    Yeah…. erections. They’re funny.

  31. Kristian
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Ballard Street: For once I’ll say “Huzzah for black-and-white.”

  32. wossname
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Crank – I’m marking my calendar – today I enjoyed Crankshaft. Because I hate that popular style of singing the national anthem, with super-overdone vibrato. (I know there’s a name for that – can’t think of it, but I’m sure some musical Mudgeon will know it – but for now, “yodeling” works for me.)

    Beetle/RMMD – Is it just coincidence that both chose today to be blatant about what we’ve long suspected? “So! There’s someone else?!” meets “Get your tackle ready!”

    MW – We need a new story line (preferably with introductory pool party) STAT! And it better not be about fundraising for Peace Village, or I’ma kidnap Dawn and hold her hostage!! Hmmm… No, wait, I’ma kidnap Toby. No, that’s even worse. OK, I’ma kidnap Adrian. Ewww! You know what, Moy? The story can be about whatever you want.

    @Sequitur (#Y261): By 12:23 a.m. I was long past the state of mild inebriation, and about two hours into the state of deep sleepage.

  33. Scott Bot
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    JP – Attica! Attica! Attica!

    Pluggers – Someone needs to inform these Pluggers that the definition of ‘hybrid’ is not ‘piece of shit.’

  34. McManx
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    The comics are full of sexual perversion today…

    Beetle Bailey – The sad outcome of the repeal of “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”

    Luann – Ann must be related to Gustave Eiffel. He was good at producing erections too.

    6 Chix – Look at the lamp. Another erection.

    Phantom – GWW is about to introduce Chesley to Ben Wa balls, jungle style.

    Mary Worth – I was hoping the numbers Jeff was referring to were his PSA tests. Since he has been dating Mary, I’m sure his prostate has shrunk down to nothing.

    Popeye – I can’t wait til I have an opportunity to use the term “move yer blastid dew beaters” in a sentence! Oops. I just did. Somehow, it was very unfulfilling…

  35. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#11): Don’t worry—I think there are plenty of us who go back to check the tail end of the previous thread for any stragglers! (And I didn’t know the 9:00 Rule; that’s useful!)

  36. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MT: Sheriff Dad appears to only be about ten years older than his clean-cut MysonYellowMike. Does this mean the sheriffdad fathered a child when he was only 10? Or did he marry an older woman who already HAD MysonYellowMike and then became MysonYellowMike’s stepfather??
    And WHAT about all those stolen televisions in those small cardboard boxes? WHAT kind of TV’s come in boxes the size of a 12 pack of BUD these days? Most likely small 12inch Sharp TV’s from some K-mart back in 1969.
    Let’s watch and see if one of the Clean-Cut-Kids-Gang happens to exclaime, “HEY dudes, ain’t it amazing how small those japanese can make a TV these days. Simply AMAZING, dudes!”
    Why couldn’t JackElrod have depicted the Clean-Cut-Kids-Gang stealing something much more worth while? Like cases of Jack Daniels, Corona beer or even cases of Poland Springs water, or maybe cases of Nine Lives cat food! ANYTHING besides a bunch of obsolete 1969 TV sets!!

    Also, I think Mark should investigate the air and water quality in that mountian top city. The inhabitants there are obviously becoming a bunch of mutated idiots from the effects of whatever they’re breathing and drinking around that place!
    Being from the ame area, JackElrod must have been breathing that same fowl LostForestMountaintopCity air for decades, which come to think about it, explains a lot about this stupid strip.
    The fowl air around that region sure as hell has effected Mark and the rest of his Lost Forest bunch. Just take a look at RUSTY if you have any doubts!

    July 12th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#16):


    excuse me i have an appointment to see a kid named dean in philadelphia

  38. Comcis Fan
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    It’s embarrassing to laugh yourself into tears at the coffee shop. Thanks for the Six Chix comment and for “warm-blooded sea frauds.” Re Six Chix, what’s with that “jinni” spelling? Also, the chair looks scandalized. My, they even used the word “grew.”

  39. Longhorn
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Well of course it’s gonna be a “Harass-o-thon” for Brad. He went to work for Ann at “Weenieworld”. He should be thankful they don’t work at “Snap-on Tools”….

  40. Esther Blodgett
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Crap! Accidentally posted this to yesterthread:

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#y186): I’ll bet I know what it is! Because when I read it I thought, “That’s a nom de mudge if ever I saw one.” I think Sequitur has it pegged, too.

  41. Ranger
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    No snark about Dean’s testicle reference in today’s Heart of the City?

  42. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#32):

    Re: Crank – you mean melisma – “the singing of a single syllable of text while moving between several different notes in succession”. see also: Aguilera, Christina and Carey, Mariah.

    I hate that people consider this a signifier of a good singer. Like the money shot from “Burlesque”, the one in every promo for the movie, where timid, mousey waitress gets up on stage, and everyone is expecting her to fail, and she opens her mouth and starts singing “Hel-ooooo-ooooooo-oooooaaaahh-ooooohhh-oo” and then we get reaction shots of everyone looking up, surprised, because she must be a good singer if she sounds and looks as if she is in extreme pain while she sings.

  43. Mark B
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Hell, I can’t wait for the Ann Eiffel, Toni Daytona and Brad threesome. The big surprise will be when Ann discloses that she’s a transvestite, by offering to show us her tower.

  44. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Considering all the weenies they must serve at WeenieWorld (you can take that any way you like), I refuse to believe B-wad’s weenie has any less mystery meat, artificial flavorings and colorants than the genuine article.

  45. But What Do I Know?
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @ratnerstar (#22): Coals to Newcastle, from what I understand. . .

  46. Comcis Fan
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#32):

    Nah, we’ll probably find out Liza’s now raising money for Peace Village.

  47. Inspector Clueless
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MT: (Sheriff Dad’s remarks to Mark and John after leaving the clean-cut kids in the cave full of booty) “I’ve checked things out inside the cave and, boy, did we get it all wrong! The items in the cave were placed there for safe keeping by a group of our finest clean-cut church-going city kids from our local Boy Scout troop. This was a community service project for the benifit of local store merchants so they wouldn’t have to worry about break-ins and theft. Yes indeedy, these honorable clean-cut kids will receive citisenship awards from me for their service to our community. Everything is cool fellows, there is no need to concern ourselves with this any longer. Please go back to where you came from and just rmember to keep clear of that cave and those nice clean-cut kids.
    And, above all fellows, have a nice day. Ya’ll come back now yahear?”
    (Mark) “But, Sheriff!”
    (Sheriff) “Godbye Mark!”
    (Mark) “But, Sheriff!”

  48. Esther Blodgett
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    FW: If my spouse were a cancer survivor (which he kind of is, having had a malignant polyp removed a few years back), and I accompanied him to a book signing so he could tell the author how much his book about cancer meant to him, and said author fixed him with a series of smug and condescending looks as he related his story, I would feel a moral obligation to knock all the author’s teeth right down his throat.

    RMMD: I giggled out loud at “get your tackle ready.”

    HotC: I giggled out loud at “I need a squirrel with some nuts.”

    GF: I giggled out loud at “You should put paint on your feet so I don’t accidentally walk in your footsteps.”

    Good lord, what is up with the comics today? So funny! Except for Funky. I really, really want to knock Les’ teeth down his throat. Really.

  49. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    I .gif you corgidance!

    the LolDog breed of the week is Newfs! *happy dance*

    The trailer for the Tintin movie is up. not sure if want, but then I’m not a a follower of the books. I’ll leave informed commentary to those who are.

    a rhino in a thong. your argument is invalid.

    ikkle bigkittsqueeeee!

    for True Fable.

    comics related quote of the day.

  50. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Mark B (#43): Threesome? This is Luann we’re talking about. Nobody in that strip even gets to have a onesome!

  51. Izzy
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Wow, Tuesday is messed up. I hope it lasts!

  52. Charterstoned
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MW – Recognizing that love is not the topic of the moment, but suddenly realizing that the more attractive prospect of meddling is now in the offing, Mary moves with lightning speed, and in one swift move of her right hand switches from her romantic pearl necklace to her Meddlin’ Amulet.

  53. Bookworm
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Does anyone here read “Ink Pen?” Anyway, I thought some of you might appreciate yesterday’s:

  54. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    volleyotter sets.

    tiny ikkle otterpile. *melts*

    un-Bear-ably kewt corgi pup. (Bear is the pup’s name.)

    there’s too much corgsqui to link today, so go see Newton at The Daily Corgi. *squeee overload*

  55. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Inspector Clueless (#47): I think you’re putting too much stock in Mark’s intelligence. Perhaps more likely?:
    (Andy) ((But, Sheriff!))
    (Sheriff) “Goodbye Mark!”
    (Mark) “Goodbye, Sheriff!”
    (Andy) ((But, Mark!))

  56. Buck Ripsnort
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    When did Ziggy get a pet piranha?

  57. Bill the Butcher
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Ann Eiffel seems to have changed everything about her but her name, if my memory is accurate. And she wasn’t fired; she was transferred – to Tokyo of all places.

    Which reminds me, if she’s an official at Weenieworld, and assuming she didn’t join yesterday, she would’ve been in on the planning of the Beauty Contest Snorefest, right? So, how come Bernice etc didn’t notice her?

    This strip grows more meaningless by the day.

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#50): that’s a float-contender.

  59. Esther Blodgett
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    MW: Jeff could use a good chest wax. He’s reaching Robin Williams levels of hirsuteness under that minty green shirt of his.

  60. Some Guy Here
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    On the one hand, WeenieWorld Harass-O-Thon ’11 promises to achieve Gil Thorp non-golf summer awesomeness (sorry Ann, you’ll never be Aldo) but on the other hand, it doesn’t make this potential retreaded plot point any less stupid.

  61. Liam
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    MW-Do not underestimate the power of the Meddling side.

    BB-At long last Beetle finally comes out about his relationship with Sarge. We can now view all those beatings Sarge has given Beetle as a metaphor for them fucking.

    FW-After a brief look at the lives of other characters it is time to return to the wacky adventures of Les Moore and his sidekick EGO.

  62. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Bookworm (#53): yes, it’s one of my regular clicks on Yahoo comics. I liked it a lot when it was in the Freep, before the great comics cull.

  63. Ranger
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    So many weddings on a Friday? Can’t wait for this joke to redone on 12/12/12, which is a Tuesday, and just 9 days before the world ends.

  64. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Josh (#20):

    I know, I know! I wasn’t whinging about the jumpage, honest. It was just funny that it was so perfectly timed. Preview= thread, Post= newthread. :-D

  65. Randalll
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Ann Eiffel is so provocativley dressed too, I mean, dig that granny sweater action! Hubba Hubba.

  66. teenchy
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Ann Eiffel’s (and yes, it took me until today to pick up the double entendre in her name) lips don’t look quite as platypus-like as those of the other sexually ripe women in the strip. Is Evans’ artwork evolving?

  67. un malpaso
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#52):
    Re MW: If Mary has a Meddling Amulet, there must be a place to buy an Anti-Meddling Charm. I would expect there’s a huge market for them in and around Charterstone.
    One of those would come in handy for Thanksgiving and Christmas with my parents, now that I think about it.

  68. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Luann – WeenieWorld is the Montoni’s of Luann – the only functional employer and event hosting site in the entire universe of the strip.

    “Interestingly”, both strips began in a high-school centric milieu where it made sense for a low-end eating establishment to be a main hangout and primary employer – but both strips, to different extents, have moved beyond a sole focus on high-school antics, which makes the eateries less plausible as the center of the character’s universe.

  69. Scott Bot
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    GT – Mr. Bourque appears to be so angry that he’s about to melt his nine iron with his heat vision.

  70. Esther Blodgett
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#61): At long last Beetle finally comes out about his relationship with Sarge. We can now view all those beatings Sarge has given Beetle as a metaphor for them fucking.


  71. Uncle Lumpy
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @teenchy (#66):

    … lips don’t look quite as platypus-like as those of the other sexually ripe women in the strip.

    Tiffany and Toni, like Liz in FOOB, have naturally plump, pale, “Luscious Lips o’ Loveliness®” because LOOK AT ME I AM ATTRACTIVE. Ann’s lips are dark because she wears lipstick. Like a WHORE.

  72. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    GA: Pretty daring commentary considering that the strip’s called Gasoline Alley!


    MT: Hey, Paul Sr. and Paul Jr. — See? It could be worse! (next on American Chopper)

    MW: Well, why not? Mary did succeed Oprah as Queen of the World after the latter’s show ended, right?

    MG&G: “TV and the internet” — twofer villain for intellectual snobs. Or at least screenphobics.

    6C: The woman responds: “Hey! Waitaminnit! You’re not a genie — you’re a JINNI!!! No wonder you’re being such a perv! OUT! OUT!! Go find yourself and unemployed astronaut to hassle!”

  73. Dood
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Tomorrow these two will be reaching for each other’s donuts.

  74. Greg
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Blondie: “Well, yes, as a matter of fact, that is true” In which we learn that padding is the best way to facilitate the extension of a last-panel humorous joke phrase. Damnit, now they’ve got me doing it as a matter of fact!

  75. Irrischano
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    I love how the sheriff is just hanging outside of the cave until they say something that gives him an opportunity to barge in, action hero-style, with a “witty” retort.

  76. TheDiva
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Luann: Well, Ann’s obviously predatory nature (indicated by the tell-tale ellipses preceding “appreciative”) could explain why she’s hired Brad over the usual talent pool of teenagers, seniors, and immigrants of dubious legitimacy. Compared to the employees she sees on a regular basis, Brad must represent a conquest of Clooney-esque proportion.

    MT: “Well, there’s only one logical explanation for this…the mountain man must have switched his cave with Mike’s when we weren’t looking!”

    MW: Look, if you insist on using buffer strips between stories, at least have the decency to give us a pool party to look at.

    C’shaft: Crankshaft has said something that I agree with. If my life weren’t intimately entwined with that of Divaling Two right now, I might feel compelled to take it.

    DT: Speaking of kids, no way would I ever buy a balloon for mine from that guy.

    FW: “That’s very interesting, but my dead wife, Lisa? She died, you know. Of cancer. So that makes her more important than you. Now move your bald ass so I can smirk condescendingly at the next person in line.”

    Pluggers could have bought two whole new cars with the money they’ve spent on keeping up their current jalopy.

    SM: Jameson doesn’t let anyone else do his job for him. And he’s not the hero of this strip why again?

  77. Braniff
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#72): Or a greedy oil baron.

  78. forgot
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    beetle and sarge= brain bleach!

  79. Braniff
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    FC: PETA officials, call a press conference and demonstrate against all newspapers carrying the Family Circus ASAP! The melonheads gave the readers more than a clue why the melonheads are chubby and the name of the Keane dog is BARFY!!!

  80. wossname
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @teenchy (#66): Duh – I didn’t get the double entendre in her name until I read your post out loud. Twice. OH! Now I get it!

  81. Pozzo
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Wow, pink-sweater gal can’t wait for the wedding. She’s going to hop on blue-shirt guy and tear one off right there in line.

  82. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy — It’s particularly ironic that a an ex(?)-villain who looks like a used condom is now selling balloons.

  83. Digger
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    MT: I don’t understand how Mike’s plan could have gone so wrong. He hides his stolen goods in the mountains, then convinces his father the mountain man did it, so his father starts snooping around in the mountains. Seems foolproof to me.

  84. bats :[
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Spunde (#25): that’s because Josh is God.
    With the impending B-Wad Harass-a-thon, should the name of the place be changed to PenisWorld?

  85. Walker of Dog
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    DT: (Helium + lit cigar) x Pouch = “Oh, the humanity!”

    GT: “You will OBEY my bristling arm hairs!”

    JP: Alan fails to heed the bystanders’ shouts and is crushed by Jill St. John.

    MT: Wow, bats :[‘s chart was only released to the public yesterday, and Mr. Elrod is already coloring his dialogue to match. Stupidity Threat Level Yellow!

    MW: Mary touched both of Jeff’s shoulders in the same day? Filthy prawn!
    Also: her third eyelid is closing. Ew.

  86. Red Greenback
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    I really like WeenieWorld’s logo. AKA “The Golden Glutes”

  87. captainswift
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Next to last couple in line- You’d think if Dagwood was going to have a secret second life and marry another woman, he wouldn’t go to his wife’s catering service.

  88. Ranger
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @captainswift (#87): Dagwood just wants a sammich!

  89. Mike Trailmix
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    MW– It looks like Mary’s had a little too much to drink today. First she needs to steady herself by hanging on to Jeff’s left shoulder. Then she takes a step to her right and has to grab onto his right shoulder. Better sit down, Mary.

  90. Walker of Dog
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wait, Lu Ann never took a deep breath; she’s going to pass out. Lu Ann, listen to Tommie – she’s a singing nurse!

    Phan: “Then dig a hole, fill it with a spicy, vinegar-based marinade, and climb in.”

    Blon: You must be THIS tall to ride Blondie have your wedding catered by Blondie.

    Z: While Ziggy reads Moby Dick, his goldfish is watching Piranha and getting ideas.

    Plug: Pluggers cannibalize more than just their litters.

  91. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Luann: The hot sexual predator lady has a name that sounds like “an eyefull”? Okay, enjoy her while you can, because sooner or later Dick Tracy is gonna riddle her with bullets.

    Ziggy: That’s a wicked-looking, sharp toothed fish you got there. Maybe you should cool it with the racially loaded words like “uppity.” Just sayin’.

    BB: Yeah, Beetle’s even got his hands on his hips. Classic “angry wife” body language.

    BSt: So this elderly golden shower freak is still half in denial, so he just HAPPENS to be dressed as a fire hydrant and is COMPLETELY caught by surprise when… You know what? I can’t even go on with this one.

    6C: A word of advice to Marcia. If you’re going to keep the spout pointed at your face, you should probably tie your hair back.

    FW: Ah, the Man Who Discovered Cancer meets the commoners who make up his worshipful audience. No, this isn’t blatant self-ass-kissing. Not at all.

    JP: I guess while Alan was on the roof, Constance was running around the block handing out scripts.

    FC: A lazy Keane kid. Whoda thunk?

    RMMD: I’m assuming that Rex is referring to Niki’s “wedding tackle”, but do I even want to know how Niki is expected to get it ready?

    DT: “Buy yer balloons from a man with a horribly mutilated scrotum face! One dolla one dolla! Come on, kids, get yer lifelong psychic trauma here!”

  92. Kristian
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#24): Sadly the followup will be lost among the millions of other “What will I tell my analyst” quips littering the comics pages.
    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#82): They are probably his children.

  93. joelle
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I’m fascinated by the one single guy just walking down the street. What’s his deal? Is he supposed to look lonely, or just lost in his own world?

  94. Écureuil Écumant
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: The fish is laughing because it misread the title as “MOPY DICK” and figured Ziggy’d finally published an autobiography.

  95. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Well, in fairness, he was pretty dumb.

    BB – I guess it was only subtext until DADT was repealed?

    DT – Well, uh, I guess he wasn’t electrocuted to death that badly? [*]

    Dilbert – New plan to destroy “social networking” [*] and drive people back onto the real Internet! Thank you, Dilbert!

    FW – Is there anything more nauseating in today’s funnies than Les’s wistful smirk as he listens to people talk about undergoing treatment for cancer? God, how I wish he would be struck dead.

    GT – “God knows I can’t stand the thought of losing this riveting GOLF! job!”

    HTH – Points to Hägar the Horrible for actually remembering that it stars a sea-raider in the early Middle Ages, and lampshading the standard work-a-day gags where appropriate.


    Love Is… – trying a new position.

    Luann – Oh my God, are we really going to have some depraved bisexual seductress battling it out with Nancy deGroot’s years of crippling anti-sex conditioning? PASS THE OEDIPAL POPCORN, BABY!

    MT – Was I right, or was I right? Though I didn’t expect to find the Clean-Cut Kids Gang taking over the Seven Dwarfs’ mine.

    MW – I swear to God, watching Mary hover over someone’s shoulder like that, you can feel your own personal space being invaded.

    Peanuts – Doesn’t do anything halfway, does she?

    Popeye – Oh, so the whole “kiss the phallus-thing and/or sailor” makes them pop and then shrink. That’s completely different.

  96. Écureuil Écumant
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Josh on 6C: The cat went first and is already sound asleep.

  97. wossname
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Just realized – DT’s BB Eyes looks just like the current (elderly) Hugh Hefner .

  98. ks
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Does Dr. Jeff realize he now has to go ahead and *hold* the fundraising dinner? “People have expressed interest… our work here is done!”

  99. BigTed
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Wait, Ziggy is a mammal? I hereby renounce my membership.

  100. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    JP: “He’s standing up! Oh thank God there aren’t any broken bones, and it’s only massive internal injuries!”

    How long will it be before it leaks out that those clowns on the roof who knocked the Judge over the ledge aren’t cops at all but more actors hired by Constance to stage the whole thing? They’d better get changed fast – it’s almost curtain time for “Little Miss Muffet” to start downstairs. You too, Emma. Run down the old hidden secret staircase and get into your costume for the chorus line! Probably the jig will be up when she tries to add “The Tumbling Judge” (A Webcam production) to her too-meager resume’.

    Ziggy: Yes, Ziggy, you have a lot in common with whales. It’s not just that you’re a rotund mound of blubber – it’s that whenever you interact with anyone, they quickly regret not having their harpoon handy.

  101. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Stay calm? LuAnn is a chin-tilt away from inanimate. I’m not sure how Tommy can decipher the mumblings that must come from an entire braincase that has been botoxed.

  102. Red Greenback
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @BigTed (#99): Don’t be so hasty, Big Ted. It has been proven Ziggy is a fish.

  103. BRWombat
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    No snarky comment; just wanted to point out that the black & white version of Ballard Street just does not deliver the full impact of the pool of urine. Color version here, if you dare:

  104. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#97):

    Just realized – DT’s BB Eyes looks just like the current (elderly) Hugh Hefner .

    Maybe we should start referring to the old reprobate as HH Eyes!

    (And I just realized the “BB” in BB Eyes could stand for “Beetle Bailey”! Have we ever seen Beetle without his hair or a hat/helmet covering his eyes?)

  105. Jasper
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    MT- MIKE? First retro porn, and now this?

  106. Marc
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Funky- Not gonna lie, I thought bald-chemo woman was a man. Anyways, fuck Les for being suck a dickwad.

    Luann- Ann Eifel sought out the place she could get away with the most sexual innuendo possible without getting sent to Asia against her will again: Weenie world. Side Note: How is it an employer can ship an employee off to Asia at the drop of a hat as punishment? No, sensitivity training, or suspension, or even termination. But nope, in Evans world it’s forced slave labor in Japan. Although she probably learned some interesting new “moves” over there… not that any of them will work on Bwad since his chastity belt hasn’t been removed yet.

    Beetle- Well it’s not a secret relationship anymore.

  107. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#82): You owe me a new screen. I just spit crème brûlée through my nose all over mine thanks to you. I guess that makes it phlegm brûlée. Haw haw!

  108. Tagged
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: Please tell me they took Ray’s guns away before they formally discharged him..

  109. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    JP: I was shocked to see today’s Judge Parker’s fist pumping tribute to sodomy until I remembered I have dyslexia…

  110. Scratch
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Ann Eiffel?

    I’d fuck her.

  111. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    ok folks, you should sit down for this concept:

    Weaponized Crankshaft.

  112. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#104): “Have we ever seen Beetle without his hair or a hat/helmet covering his eyes?”

    once, verrrrry early in the strip. and he has beady little dots for eyes.

  113. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Very soon young Brad will learn not to trifle with Madam Eiffel. It is a dog eat dog WeenieWorld to be sure.

  114. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: That’s not Mike, that’s Mark Spitz. I’d like to see him backstroke his way out of this one. 7 gold medals won’t save your ass this time loser.

  115. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Molly and the Bear: I swoon! Molly is “fwapping” Bear! Won’t Sarge be jealous.

    Marvin: No, kiddo, if Daddy just crapped his pants and smiled, your influence would be evident.

    Luann: If anyone wonders why I left Japan, read today’s strip.

  116. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduck: This is baffling. If Hitler is attempting the Butterfly shouldn’t he be holding his knees?

  117. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:13 pm [Reply]


    Better second panel, “Numbers are mathematical objects used to count and measure but that’s not important right now…”

  118. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    “I’ll take Things In Common for $600, Alex.”
    “The answer is – Ziggy and Moby Dick.”
    buzzz “Larry!”
    “What are mammals?”
    “No, sorry. That’ll cost you $600. Contestants?”
    buzzz “Susan!”
    “What are… fish?”
    “No, sorry. Fred, Any ideas”
    buzzz “Fred?”
    “What are things no one reads unless they have to?”

  119. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Pluggerz: I am assumming by hybrid they mean part-car and part-coffin. Kinda twisted to dress a dead dog in plaid but I’ve seen stranger taxidermy.

  120. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Tommie, kids do not just bounce off car fenders. Those things you used in nursing school were rubber dolls.

  121. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#8): Ah, but that turned out to be floor wax. Which, I’ve never gotten the two mixed up, but apparently Westview High had a low class of bully.

  122. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Luann Eyefull:

    Ann: “Well, Brad, as your first task, you have to show me how you stuff a weenie”
    B-Wad: “Well, first I get a bun….”
    Ann: “Do you grab it firmly? Here, use my buns for practice!”
    B-Wad: “No, I have a package right here I can use.”
    Ann: “Mind if I check that package out?”
    B-Wad: “But, I’m holding the package, it isn’t in my pocket”
    Ann: “Trust me, this is the package I’m interested in!”
    B-Wad: “Let go of my purse! I don’t know you!”
    Ann: “OK, screw it, you are clearly too dim to figure this out, so I’ll just stop the innuendo. I want you to take off your clothes and have sex with me!”
    B-Wad: “You’re just like Toni, she always wants to play this game too. It isn’t fun. I just do what mommy told me and close my eyes and think of her until the bad feelings go away.”
    Ann: “Whatever works for you, B-Wad.”

  123. Ethan Shuster
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    I realize that these plots are probably mapped out too far in advance for this to be intentional, but the Luann strip has become kind of topical since the new movie “Horrible Bosses” just came out, where an employee is sexually harassed by his boss played by Jennifer Aniston. Of course, the comics will probably include less vulgar language and near-nudity.

  124. Anonymous
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    The 6 Chix thing reminded me tremendously of “The Magic Lamp,” an old National Lampoon cartoon strip by M.K. Brown. I won’t even try to describe it, except for the punchline: “But I didn’t wish for a teddy bear…”

    No linkee, alas. Any other old farts remember it?

  125. Bitter Scribe
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Anonymous @#124 was me.

  126. Steve the Pocket
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    A female-on-male sexual harassment story? Well, props to Greg Evans for being willing to do it, but considering he’s still Greg Evans, the man responsible for such things as Gunther’s worm costume and Brad and Toni’s entire relationship, I don’t expect the subject matter to be treated very respectfully.

  127. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: No comment.

    Okay, no comment but lots of questions. Is that a throw away phone? He has no intention of calling Niki’s mom, does he? Why is Rex in silhouette, isn’t that usually reserved for whistleblowers not perps? I guess if Wilson & Nolan don’t protect his identity they wouldn’t have much of a strip but on the other hand backgrounds and scripts would be much easier.

  128. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    JP: At first I thought I was reading Freefall. Whenever the robots see Florence, a human/canine hybrid, they all throw their arms in the air and yell, “Doggy, doggy, doggy.” The difference, however, is that Freefall is good.

  129. John B.
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    The Six Chix innuendo is not all that far-fetched. Don’t guys promise anything for sex? Why would a genie be any different? And they need to change the name to “Sex Chix” if this is the road they are going down!

  130. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#115): I clicked your link for “Molly and the Bear” and got a polar bear eating vanilla ice cream in a snow storm.

  131. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth, Panel Two: No comment.

    Okay, one question, where did Ted get that SMART lariat necklace? You go girl!

  132. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: I have to give Billingsley props for a Curtis story-line showing why so many poor black youth choose gang life as a means of getting ahead.

  133. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    And for those non-canines out there, see it in color.

  134. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#128): And that FreeFall is a little less glacially-paced.

  135. Lily Sincere
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Since it’s Tuesday, today’s “Six Chix” is Ms. Shulock, which makes me think that the pushy djinn in question is none other than Margo Magee.

  136. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary leaned in for a closer look. “My goodness, look at how well my advice worked out!” Pressing her hand more firmly on Jeff’s shoulder, she murmured, “You like my suggestions, don’t you, Jeff?”

    “Why, yes, Mary. You always have such good suggestions!”

    Mary slid her hand down Jeff’s chest. “Would you like me to suggest something now, Jeff? Something that we both would enjoy? Because you know how much I love to suggest things. . . .” She pressed into Jeff’s back, and he giggled slightly.

    “Mary! Finally–it’s about ti–I mean, yes, my dear, please suggest something!”

    “Well. . . .” Her fingers toyed with the buttons of Jeff’s shirt, and his heart began to beat faster. “I’ve noticed that our new neighbor seems awfully lonely; she doesn’t seem to really know anyone yet.”

    Could Mary be suggesting what Jeff thought she was suggesting? And here Jeff had come to believe that Mary’s only real passion was arranging the salmon squares at the pool party. “Yes, Mary? What do you want to do with her? Anything you suggest—I’m game!”

    Mary straightened and patted Jeff’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you agree. We’ll have her to dinner tomorrow night. She looks as though she could use some advice.”

    Jeff sighed. “Of course, Mary. Your suggestions are always the best.”

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#61):

    We can now view all those beatings Sarge has given Beetle as a metaphor for them fucking.


  138. balthazar
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    FW — WOTTA FUKKIN DOUCHEBAG. thats all i got.

    btw … i checked out the luann wiki page referenced in todays comments and danged if it isn’t already updated to reflect today’s developments. man … somebody needs something to do!

  139. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#136): This may have played out this way early on in their relationship but now Jeff’s hopes are as dead and dried out as the sole he orders at the Bum Boat.

  140. Bill Peschel
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#8):
    I would, if a certain SOMEONE didn’t keep bringing it up!

  141. balthazar
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    okay, that was funny.

  142. balthazar
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    oops, i was replying to #122.

  143. terrapin
    July 12th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Mr. Blackshirt at the Front of the Line’s left hand is allready going for the honeymoon.

    Luann: I’m sensing that we’ll be seeing a confrontation between Ann and Toni fighting over Brad, which is about as believable as anything else in this strip.

    FW: Les is inwardly convincing himself that he thought up ‘cemosabe’ on his own so he can use it for the title of his next book.

    JP: Yeah, yeah, great. He’s alive! Now let’s get back to the girls in the bedroom!

  144. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    FW: I am struck by Les’ wee tiny hands. Is that a special pencil stolen from a golf course? Can he take a fistful of candy out of the jar? Does he smell like cabbage?

  145. Ned Ryerson
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Weenie World: Say, man, how much are the dogs? 99 cents? That is a bargain for me, I think I will buy some.

    For a second there, I thought Brad was going to be working for Anne Elk

  146. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#130): How the hell did that happen? It’s supposed to be Molly and the Bear fwapping.

  147. Alan's Addiction
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I’m less interested in Anne and Brad’s relationship than I am in Anne vs TJ’s relationship. See, I’ve always found TJ’s “wacky” hijinks that border on criminality coupled with that ever-present rictus face to be slightly creepy. In fact, I’d be willing to argue that “TJ” might just stand for “The Joker,” but I digress. Now that we have an equally-creepy supporting female character (whose face is also, based on the panel above, fixed in a hideous grin), I’m interested to see the two of them meet and battle it out for Brad’s soul. Will Brad follow a life of borderline petty crime and Fonz-style insanity, as exemplified by TJ? Or will he be featured in a very G-rated version of “To Catch a Predator” (where the “predators” in question meet up with cute 17-year-olds for make out sessions and light petting instead of molestation) after being “seduced” by Anne? Or will TJ and Anne simply duke it out like Godzilla and Mothra? There are so many questions I have that I know will never be answered.
    Wow. I’m amazed that today’s “Blondie” brings up a genuine cultural phenomenon of which I was unaware. I have to give them points for that, however, they did choose the most banal, boring cultural phenomenon in existence (ie, people are obsessed with easily-remembered dates), so it’s hardly worth describing as “memorable trivia.” It was a solid attempt, though.
    I LOVE the fact that both the villain and the hero in today’s “Mark Trail” strip have facial hair. Admittedly, it’s pretty weak-ass facial hair (uninteresting and lackadaisical mustaches), and the villains in MT frequently have facial hair; but the fact that the hero’s sporting a mustache is practically a discussion of the duality of man. Admittedly, the discussion boils down to “This man has a mustache, and is good. This man has a mustache and is the first man’s son, yet he is bad. What a piece of work is man!” It’s not on the same level as Shakespeare or Conrad, but it’s still extremely impressive when you consider that the main character of the strip is a man-child who takes weeks to solve crimes that most seven-year-olds could solve in twenty minutes.
    I’d like to think that Dr. Jeff’s actually embezzling money for his “charity” (the dark truth of which we’ll hopefully discover in the next few weeks) as he’s speaking to Mary, and Mary’s too dim or technophobic to notice it. “Thanks to your impressive lack of morality in personal relationships, Mary, you’ve inspired me to steal from this hospital in the US and give to a hospital in the third world!” is what the subtitles to his little speech should read.
    Wait a minute – Ziggy’s fish is literate? Holy moly, that makes it the smartest living thing in Ziggy’s house.
    Now that they’ve repealed “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” I can see that “Beetle Bailey” is now determined to answer all the questions we never even wanted to ask about him and Sarge.

  148. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Crock: Only about 10% of the French Foreign Legion’s officer corps is non-French. Even so, learning the French language is part of basic training and any officer would be fluent. In that case Crock KNOWS that Poulet means chicken and thereby forefeits any right to an eye roll or slow burn at evidence of his cowardice. J’appelle conneries Monsieur Crock.

  149. Ann Eiffel
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    *points at Brad*

    Weenie! Weenie! Weenie! Weenie!

    *flees the conference room*

  150. Peanut Gallery
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#85):

    DT: (Helium + lit cigar) x Pouch = “Oh, the humanity!”

    “Oh, the humanity!” in a comically high, squeaky voice.

  151. Droopy Says
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#76): SM: Jameson doesn’t let anyone else do his job for him. And he’s not the hero of this strip why again?

    Because he doesn’t wear the same funny costume every day . . . uh . . . because he’s utterly annoying . . . damn . . . because his “life” revolves around freaky super-beings . . . because he’s cheap . . . oh, crap . . . because he’s an authority figure . . . except everyone ignores him . . .

    Gray sideburns! That’s it! Because whoever heard of a comic-book superhero with gray hairs? (I now await the inevitable proof that I’m wrong.)

  152. Vince M
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Brad’s gonna regret working there when Ms. Eiffel storms in pointing a finger and shouting “Weenie! Weenie! Weenie! Weenie! Weenie!”

  153. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#146):

    Thanks for the Molly and the Bear reference/link. Bob Scott’s strip only appears twice a week (Tuesday and Thursday), and tends to be overlooked here.

  154. Calico
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    #274 YThread (Sequitir):
    Allan! Allan!

  155. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#121):

    Wait, what? So he just happened to knock over a can of floor wax, or was it a clever diversion trick, or something? Did anyone in the actual strip identify it as urine…? I’ll have to review my case file for that incident.

    @Bill Peschel (#140):

    That’s why I’m here. To keep a vast catalog of infantile comic-strip related bathroom jokes to make sure that no-one forgets or forgives. I guess it’s just my way of PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!!!

  156. Droopy Says
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Somebody smudged out the labels on the cartons. The last time we saw that clip art one box said “Zenith Television,” so I’m guessing this is Elrod’s token effort at relevance. Meanwhile, how many people have noticed that this “abandoned mine” looks exactly like a cave? No sign of any excavation, no structural supports, no tracks on the ground, no signs, no lights, just oddly-tilted stone blocks at the entry? Was this mine in fact dug by giant mutated gophers?

    EffYou Wankerbean: Les is smirking because of the man’s effrontery: “Does he compare his love for his wife with the profoundity of my passion for Lisa? What fools these mortals be! Does he know that when they make love, his wife closes her eyes and fantasizes that Chemosabe is me? Because every woman craves me and my sincerity!” And fifty other sentences that express the fullness of Les’s self-absorption.

  157. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#153): Normally it is twice a week but he’s doing a strip every day for this month only.

  158. SF_Reader
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    MT – If that were a real sheriff, he’d cover for his son and immediately throw Mountain Man and Mark into jail.
    RMMD – YAAAY!!! More Rex on Niki action!
    Luann Wikipedia Page – Before you start in with “Huh? WTF?”, it’s important to note that Wikipedia also has a page devoted to nose picking.

  159. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#156): “Was this mine in fact dug by giant mutated gophers?”

    Mine Workers Local 318, LoFo Chapter.

  160. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#156): No wonder they abandoned it. It is one crappy mine.

  161. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Alan’s Addiction (#147): That Mark Trail comment better be pretty damn high up on the float, let me tell you.

  162. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    ikkle ferrety kewtness.

  163. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#153):

    Hmmm… it seems I was wrong about Molly and the Bear — at some point the syndicate bumped it up to five days a week (still no weekend strips, though).

    Disney and/or animation fans should get a kick out of the strip for 7-7-11:

  164. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#157): Caught your comment after I posted mine!

  165. Poteet
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — Does this mean that at some point, Bernice will drop by WeenieWorld and dramatically reveal Ann’s evil past? If so, that will probably mark the end of this storyline, and you can wake me up then, please.

    MW — In each panel, one of Mary’s hands isn’t visible. That’s the hand that is giving Jeff a very painful pinch to make sure he says what he’s supposed to say. Hence his facial expression.

    ZITS — So the entire family is a collective wuss. What a surprise.

  166. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#164): As long as you’re reading Molly and the Bear, I’m happy. It’s a good strip that has built a believable world of innocent humor.

  167. Vince M
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Ann Eiffel (#149): I thought I was the first to make that connection…but how did it take this long with this bunch?!?

  168. Peanut Gallery
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#156):

    how many people have noticed that this “abandoned mine” looks exactly like a cave?

    It’s an “abandoned mine” as in the statement, “John F. Thrasher still has his cave, but I’ve abandoned mine.”

  169. Thibault
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    I kow we’ve all had a jolly good laugh in the past about Ted Forth’s pretty girl hands but today, in panel 2 it seems he briefly became a 16 year old girl!

  170. Alfred E. Neuman
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

  171. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Thibault (#169): “Briefly?” You’re assuming this wasn’t always the case?

  172. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#146): Now that one worked. But I must say, fwapping a bear could be hazardous to one’s health. But if you did it with a tee shirt…

  173. cheech wizard
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Zane was the guy in the wheelchair, right? So predatory gal obviously gets her kicks from pursuing guys who she knows will be unable to perform sexually.

    Also, Brad should take a close look at his new job description at Weenie World – I think it says “Mascot – no costume required.”

  174. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Thibault (#169): I’ve always imagined Ted Forth as a “high talker” whose natural voice allows him to sing in the soprano vocal range without difficulty.

  175. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

  176. Tess
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Little does Blondie know, outside her shop a torrid love affair begins between a one armed man, and a one armed woman. She turns as her fiancee reaches out to reassure her, and their eyes meet. He turns to embrace his fiancee, and his single hand brushes the single hand of the woman behind him in line.

  177. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#173): Worse for us, Gunther, “coming out” as a designer at the big Weenie World Beauty Contest, will be chosen to make Weenie World’s mascot costume. It will send cold shivers up and down spines of readers all over the world. Obi-Wan Kenobi will feel a disturbance in the Force.

  178. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#151):

    Because whoever heard of a comic-book superhero with gray hairs? (I now await the inevitable proof that I’m wrong.)

    Okay, here goes. Reed Richards and Doctor Strange are both grey at the temples. Hal Jordan (a.k.a. Green Lantern) had greys too during the nineties. DC later undid that, although grey hair is way less embarassing than being Ryan Reynolds in a latex onion suit.

    @pugfuggly (#155): As I recall it, young Les was hiding in a closet and spilled some floor wax to make the bullies think he had pissed himself (for some reason.) Then Bull went in after him and pretended to beat him up. I dunno.

  179. Ursula
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#11): I did the exact same thing- look down the line of couples in Blondie to see if there would be a same-sex pairing. I’m not sure what the normal interval is between social change in the real world and in Blondie…30 years?

  180. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#173):

    It’s the one time in B-wad’s life that being a Big Weenie has actually given him an advantage! (And if the WeenieWorld job doesn’t work out, DeGroot can always apply for a position at DoucheBurger!)

  181. cheech wizard
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    FW – “He’s been my “Chemosabe” throughout my cancer treatments!”

    “How nice. And who should I sign this in memory of?”

    GT – The very, very few job openings for caddies these day inevitably go to junior or college golfers, who already understand the game. They’ve been pretty much replaced by golf carts, so if Molly wants to keep her job, she better let these old geezers ride her.

    MT – “Mike?!” “Dad?!” “Rocky?!” “Huunnfh?!”

  182. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#177): Who would want to be crowned “Miss Weenie?”

  183. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Ursula (#179): possibly somewhat less, at least on some things. As much as I rage on the zombie strips (inwardly, mostly) I have to give Blondie some props for freshening it up over the past few years, and even mentioning some technology from the current decade. At least they have a “brown” couple in the line, along with all the usual white folks. Maybe in a decade or two, this strip will be rerun with Seth and Mark in line as well, or an older Hil & Faye. (Les and his ego may be a same-sex pairing, but I don’t wanna go there. . . .)

    The funny pages tend to be very conservative (in the non-political sense, i.e. “resistant to change”) and so tend to be overwhelmingly whitebread and hetero-normative. Sorry for the buzzwords and rant, it’s been building up for a while and had to let it out before it exploded in Fablekatoa levels of ire.

  184. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#180): DoucheBurger! Pssst. The secret sauce is vinegar and water.

    @Sequitur (#182): The former Sheraton St. Louis. She’d even go so far as wheedle a creation out of Gunther.

  185. Red Greenback
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t the wait for 11-11-11 more like 4 months?

  186. jimbo
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Luann–I love the enjambment after “laid” in the word balloon in the first panel. At first the reader is led to believe that, miraculously, Brad actually got laid, but then it becomes clear in the following line that no, it isn’t true; rather, he’s been laid off, a much more realistic scenario.

  187. Perky Bird
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Jeff’s plans for the Peace Village fundraiser dinner will come to a screeching halt once all the invitees learn the “dinner” consists of Mary’s salmon squares and potatoe-ade served around the Charterstone pool.

  188. ArchieNemesis
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Josh, this is a strong start to your 8th year. It’s as if Jack Elrod tried extra hard today,
    just for you.

  189. Dennis Jimenez
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#187): If it’s not stuff flounder on the Bum Boat, my social calender is already engaged!!!

  190. Écureuil Écumant
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Lobster Hair: Appears to be turning into a color monkey rebellion. Lewis is leaving more and more gaps in her lines in a futile attempt to convince us she’s freehanding them and has never heard of MS Paint. Trust a newbie to piss off the color monkeys by taking away their most powerful tool, flood fill.

    In return, the primary-color primates have unpacked their arsenal and daubed today’s botch with every one of the various shades of shit known to the natural world.

    Yes, even the currant-jelly-stool hue of that soup-tureen coffee cup of hers. Big ups for having that one in their palette. And they gave Gap-Face Girl a nice tinge of jaundice so appropriate to this strip. May it only deepen.

    Today’s lobster hair displays great verisimilitude; the tail is particularly well rendered. Lewis tries to fool us again by blurring a couple of “bangs” in panels 2 & 4, a futile ruse against veteran dissectors of Slylock Fox’s Six Differences.

    But Arial for the font, now that’s just triflin’.

  191. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#187): Potato-Ade© is the only reason to go to a Charterstone pool party. How else could anyone stomach hearing Dr. Papawhatshisname’s bloviating on top of Mary’s bloviating without being half-drunk? It’s the only defense against that veritable bloviat-a-thon.

  192. cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#y95): “9CL: Okay, so by default Mark is now the most likeable two-legged character. Let’s see how long that lasts.”

    Exactly one day. Is that a record?

  193. ArchieNemesis
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    There is just too much great snark in the last week from all posters, and bats :[ hits a couple homers with the pool party I so desperately needed, and a strangely reassuring stupidity chart. In comparison, it’s funny to go back to year one and see how sparse the comments are.

  194. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Potato-ade® has alcohol in it? What makes it different from plain old vodka?

  195. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @cloudbuster (#192): A whole slew of records, probably.

  196. Little Guy
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    JP: Suddenly, Alan finds himself in the middle of a Rebecca Black video.

  197. Esther Blodgett
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#170): Woo-hoo, I cracked the case! Do you have facial hair so I can give you a celebratory punch?

  198. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#185):

    Isn’t it also veteran’s day/remembrance day?

  199. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#197): I don’t think you can find him. He’s been put in the witless protection program. He’s probably having cocktails with Reed Hoover right about now.

  200. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#194):

    Potato-ade® is mixed (preferably in a witch’s cauldron) with this:

  201. UncleJeff
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#112): In a “Mad” magazine parody (many, many years ago), Sarge and one of the officers grabbed Beetle and yanked the hat off his head to see what his eyes looked like. He had written on his forehead “Get Us Out Of Vietnam!”

  202. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#191): No, Dr. Aristotle Papagoras is the bloviating bearded professor / back-up shrink / doctor-feel-good pusher from A3G, and Ian Carmichael is the bloviating bearded professor / DVD-producer / cradle-robber from MW. Ari is fully bearded and Greek, and Ian is chinbearded and Scottish. I assume they must meet up at the annual conference of the American Association for the Advancement of Academic Bloviation, but the comics page would undergo gravitational collapse into a Les Moore black hole of self-satisfaction if it ever tried to show it.

  203. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

  204. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#200): Well, it definitely looks like it comes premixed with salmon squares.

  205. cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @SF_Reader (#158): “MT – If that were a real sheriff, he’d cover for his son and immediately throw Mountain Man and Mark into jail.”

    Don’t bet he won’t — he has a mustache!

  206. Anachrosaurus
    July 12th, 2011 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    A-3G: “Oooh! I betcha that two-faced Eddie was daring him to ride in the street again!”

    Phantom: Next: the Phantom’s gangrenous wound is cured by the ancient African discipline of hot rock massage.

  207. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#202): But they’re both played by the same guy, right?

  208. Jenna M
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    6Chix: I guess Disney copyrighted the concept of a genie. There is no other way to explain why Marcia is rubbing a teapot with an elongated spout rather than a lamp in order to release her “Jinni.”

  209. Alfred E. Neuman
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    JP— Wilson and Manley missed an opportunity here. When Alan landed in the cushion, it should have emitted a loud FWAAAAP. Then everyone could have a good laugh about the huge practical joke played on Alan by Sam, Constance, and Angel.

    Luann— So Bernice walks into a WeenieWorld… Hmm, this could get interesting — but it won’t.

    RMMD— Rex wants Niki to get his football lineman boyfriend “ready”. Does that mean Rex wants him pre-lubed?

  210. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @Jenna M (#208): What’s creepy are those beady eyes staring out of the armchair.

  211. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#187): Sadly, though, in Santa Royale, that pretty much does describe the Social Event of the Season.

    After all, the hospital’s annual fund-raising gala takes place in the Santaroymart Warehouse, with some crepe-paper streamers to hide the bullet holes and blood.

    Despite the drab digs, all the denizens get out their best polyester and nibble on hospital-catered food. (One year, they splurged and got the Bum Boat to cater, but the left-out scampi led to a suitably gastro-intestinal outcome.) It’s usually a quite glamorous affair, by Santa Royale standards, but there’s usually someone—usually an unattached woman in a dress off the Maisie’s sale rack—who has a bit too much to drink and knocks over the “check your own blood pressure” machine. Tsk-tsk’ing ensues.

    @Écureuil Écumant (#190): Excellent. And throwing feces at the strip seems to be the most rational response to it.

  212. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    I’m starting to get Ann Eiffel feeling about this…

  213. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#211): Don’t forget about the™ End-Of-Year sale! Time to stock up on those salmon squares. You don’t think Mary actually makes those things herself, do you?

  214. Government Cheese
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Here’s what’s going to happen – Brad will start his job at Penis er..Weenieworld and Dirk will show up as a cop out of the Academy. He will then steal Daytona away from him prompting Brad to show him up by winning a Kobayshi hot dog eating contest.

  215. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#213): I just assumed she extruded them.

  216. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#215): or lays them like the Alien Queen lays eggs. . . .

  217. Alfred E. Neuman
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#197) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#170): Woo-hoo, I cracked the case! Do you have facial hair so I can give you a celebratory punch?”

    Yes, I do. Make sure that the punch contains plenty of potato-ade, so that I may join my neighbor, Sequitur, in a mild state of inebriation.

  218. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    I always assumed Mary had Ella Byrd caged in her townhouse (caged Byrd?) and forced Ella to create salmon squares or coordinate her outfits at whim.

  219. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#218): Ella also has to do all Mary’s internet searches lest the madness grip her…

  220. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: College Boy should be relieved. The last Jungle Patrol initiation involved a jagged stone the size of a potato and a rather acrimonious lawsuit.

  221. AndyL
    July 12th, 2011 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    “Come over here Mr. Degroot. I need to inspect your Weenie … … … … World uniform. (It’s a little small.)”

  222. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    DtM: The sensitivity training has worked wonders toward the kids patience with Joey…

  223. Uncle Lumpy
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#217):

    … so that I may join my neighbor, Sequitur, in a mild state of inebriation.

    Mild? TEXAS? I think NOT!

    Inebriated, sure.

  224. littlestevie
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    FW: Are Mrs. Cancer Survivor and Chemosabe actual people? They don’t look like the normal err, make that the usual characters that Batiuk draws. I was just wondering if Batiuk had some sort of contest where the winning cancer victim (and that is an oxymoron) gets to be in one of his strips.

  225. Shrug
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @Jenna M (#208):

    “6Chix: I guess Disney copyrighted the concept of a genie. There is no other way to explain why Marcia is rubbing a teapot with an elongated spout rather than a lamp in order to release her “Jinni.”

    Actually, the OED recognizes “jinni” as one version of the singular of “jinn,” which in turn is a common alternative for “genie.” (I’ll admit that I’ve often seen jinn as both a singular and a plural form, but had never noticed “jinni” before.)
    jinn, n.
    Pronunciation: /d??n/
    Forms: Also 16 dgen, 18 ginn, dschin, djin, jin.
    Etymology: < Arabic jinn, collect. plural, demons, spirits, angels; singular jinn? (see jinnee n.)

    [1713 tr. Arab. Nts. I. 14 It was one of those malignant Genies, that are Mortal Enemies to Mankind.]
    1841 E. W. Lane tr. Thousand & One Nights I. Introd. 8 It was a Jinnee of gigantic stature, broad-fronted and bulky, bearing on his head a chest.
    1841 E. W. Lane tr. Thousand & One Nights I. 54 As soon as my wife awoke, she shook herself, and became transformed into a Jinneeyeh.
    1885 R. F. Burton tr. Arabian Nights' Entertainm. I. 27 O Jinni, thou Crown of the Kings of the Jann!

    Count your blessings; the strip could have used the "jinneeyeh" transliteration instead…

  226. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#225): I prefer the gin variant. Up with olives.

  227. Alfred E. Neuman
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#223): I was attempting to use Sequitur’s wording, but I misquoted him. I should have said “in a state of mild inebriation”, which, of course, applies to Texas year-round. For my comment about our Texas weather, see @Alfred E. Neuman (y#280):.

  228. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#215): Do you mean, like, from a body orifice?


  229. bats :[
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @cloudbuster (#205): the ways of Lost Forest justice are mysterious indeed…

  230. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#227): I’ll be watching the Ron Washington led **ALL STAR GAME ** tonight. Inebriation (mild or otherwise) required.

  231. bats :[
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#95): this just needed to be said, in no particular order.

    @Sequitur (#194): It’s the potatoes.

  232. Écureuil Écumant
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#184): “DoucheBurger! Pssst. The secret sauce is vinegar and water.”

    Not to mention those hot, yeasty buns.

  233. Écureuil Écumant
    July 12th, 2011 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#231): Let’s not squabble about this. It’s the yeast in the potatoes, then.

    “You say po-ta-to
    And I say po-tah-to,
    You’re feelin’ great-oh,
    And I’m mildly inebriated fuckin’ blotto…”

  234. Écureuil Écumant
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#194): It’s the green-skinned potatoes what give it that belladonna bite. Oh, and speaking of bite, the rattlesnake heads.

  235. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#231): DILDO! DILDO! DILDO! DILDO! DILDO!

    There. Just made it portable without the weight.

    And since you mentioned potatoes…

  236. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#231): bats :[, you rock. [*]

  237. animus
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    SF I’m still not convinced that Ted isn’t actually a woman.

  238. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#227):
    To be fair, I borrowed the phrase from wossname at @wossname (Y#218):

  239. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#234): But it does have alcohol in it. Right?

  240. carbunicle
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Ann Eiffel looks like an escapee from the Lockhorns universe.

  241. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#240): you say that like it’s a bad thing. . . . ;-)

  242. Just some guy
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#240): Impossible. Nobody escapes the Lockhorn universe (Hell).

  243. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#240): Do you mean to say there’s an entire UNIVERSE of Lockhorns?


  244. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#231): And yet, still more wholesome than the average actual Luann.

  245. Braniff
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    6C: That would be the ultimate TV rerun crossover: I Dream of Jeannie’s jinni meeting Marcia Brady! (Wait, that may have been done already–on Gilligan’s Island.)

  246. Curly
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    She soitainly is AN EYEFUL! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

  247. Moe
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Curly (#246): Why, you numbskull. Porcupine, get over here!

  248. Mr K Martin
    July 12th, 2011 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    BEETLE BAILEY: No one is asking the most important question – WHO IS THE HOMEWRECKER BREAKING UP THIS SACRED UNION????? Has Sarge been fighting with Killer, Rocky, Cookie? Or has he been seeing someone outside Camp Swampy? Perhaps Sad Sack? Private Snafu? Sgt Hightower from “Doonesbury”?

    Whatever the case, the infidelity will leave an eternal scar and this should result in the very first animated episode of “Divorce Court”.

  249. Dagger
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    The harassment board of WeenieWorld will agree that the demand was poorly worded, and that Ann Eiffel should have said, “Put your weenie, referring to the processed tube of hog you possess by dint of it being in your hand, between my buns, referred to in the sense that this is the WeenieWorld Double Bun Dawg and I am holding two hot dog rolls to demonstrate the proper placement. Putting weenies in buns is what we do here, and you’d best do it fast and hard if you want to keep this job.”

    Still, Brad will be deemed a “Meanie Weenie” for undue complaint and demoted to the dancing foam mascot guy who gets pelted with beer cans.

  250. Andrew Davis
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    The “Weenie World” logo looks like two asses. Just sayin’.

  251. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]


    Try our NEW Salsa Taco Grande Weenie!
    Too hot for you?
    That’s Okay! We have a fireman!
    He’ll be glad to put out your hot weenie!

  252. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2011 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#248): Cpl. Yo.

    What—you thought the Asian Arts of Love were only for heterosexuals?

  253. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    I’m watching the All Star Game. I’ve just finished my first drink. It’s my own concoction.

    2 measures tequila
    1 mesaure sweet vermouth
    top off with lemonade

    I call it an “Ann Eiffel Surprise”

    It’s sweet, yet tart with a cactus-like bite!
    And when you’re done you feel you can see it all!

  254. demoncat
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    actully think jeff is making a list of all those who have fallen to Marys power and who are helping his fund raiser to not have a repeat performance from mary as she basks in the glory of the pay day . beetle is shocked that sarge fights and beats up some one other then him. blondie is keeping them all waiting because she can charge some extra to cover not being able to cater every one on 1/11/11

  255. kkarenb
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – Back in February, there were a number of reports in the media about large numbers of couples who were trying to conceive a child in the hope that it would be born on 11-11-11. Thank goodness Blondie didn’t cater that!

  256. B Wallz
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    Remember kids, Bolding is like a gateway drug. Bolding abuse is a slippery slope that can lead to things much worse, like changing font color, size, or even *shudder* Comic Sans. Don’t ever use Comic Sans.

  257. Cap'n Cheetah
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Blondie and Tootsie are planning to auction off their services to the highest bidder. Then it will turn out that the lone man walking down the street is a millionaire and offers some astronomical amount for them to come cater his poker tournament with the guys, thus crushing the hopes of all those couples who dreamed of having a Blondie’s Catering wedding.

  258. Ned Ryerson
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Ann Eiffel: Well, don’t just stand there Weenie Worker Brad. It’s time to unclog the grease trap on the deep fryer!
    Brad: Um, what the what from the what?
    A.E.: God, you’re dumb. I want you top off the weenie basin with hot coconut oil.
    Brad: Yeah, but I don’t know where the weenie basin is these days.
    A.E.: Same place it’s always been Brad. Listen Brad, being a fireman, I’d have to assume you know how to handle a hose.
    Brad: Yeah, we used hoses and oxygen masks and stuff. It was pretty cool.
    A.E: Listen shit for brains, I’m asking you…I’m offering myself to you to bone. Will you fuck me?!
    Brad: Can I call my mom first?

  259. Aviatrix
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been trying to recall my own seven highlights of the insanity here. It’s not so much story arcs as the new wisdom brought to old strips in learning what should have been obvious all along:

    1. The true swing of Dr. Rex’s stethoscope
    2. Ziggy doesn’t wear pants
    3. If you can’t follow the plot, just look at the boobs
    4. Conform to Mary’s way or die
    5. Beetle & Sarge <3 forever
    6. Enormous animals had all the answers in 1952
    7. NEVER read Pibgorn

    Number seven is the only one for which learning has not enriched my life. When I don’t have time to read the comics I can trust you to read them for me, and when I do have time I get so much more out of them.

  260. bats :[
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#240): carbunicle said it, queek produced it, I tidied it up. Dang, it’s like were the Keanes or the Browns or somethin’!

  261. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#260): bats :[, you fully and completely rock.


  262. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#260): Or…Melissa DeJesus and Ed Power.

  263. carbunicle
    July 12th, 2011 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#260): Beat me to it! Thank you! I can stop looking at old Lockhorns now.

  264. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    If you ever do go to WeenieWorld, be sure that when you order one, for God’s sake don’t ask them to go heavy on the mustard.

  265. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#248):

    BEETLE BAILEY: No one is asking the most important question – WHO IS THE HOMEWRECKER BREAKING UP THIS SACRED UNION?????

    I always assumed it was OTTO.

  266. Sgt. Stoned
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: This is also funny because 11-11-11 is four months (minus one day) away, and folks are lining up already.

    MT: “Dad! I was on my way to that college I go to when I stumbled across this cave and this loot and, wha’? These moccasins I’m wearing? These aren’t moccasins, they are bedroom slippers!”

  267. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @Curly (#246), @Moe (#247): Calling Doctor Morgan, Doctor Corey, Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard…

  268. Mark B
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#267): What happened to Larry? I always thought he was the funny one.

  269. Austria
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    This is the greatest day in comic strips so far this month, what with the upcoming Harass-o-Thon and no less than two ridiculously homoerotic strips. Ohh, am I looking forward to pointing out the future subtext in Rex Morgan and snickering like the immature schoolgirl I am. Tackle, indeed.

    Curtis: ‘Maybe I should just go downtown and throw a brick through a jewelry store window!’ No, no, no, it has to be a trash can through a pizza shop window. Don’t you have any appreciation for movie culture?!

    FW: One, the guy kinda looks like Ronald Reagan. Two, this woman is essentially being told she’s going to die. Just another day in the Funkiverse!

    RMMD: I just want to bask in the Nikiness again. And the anticipatory homoerotic subtextness. TACKLE TACKLE TACKLE TACKLE TACKLE

  270. Carciogeneticist
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: The blackrom hasn’t exactly been subtle. Still, at this stage in Beetle and Sarge’s kismesis they really should look for someone to auspistice for them.

  271. Droopy Says
    July 12th, 2011 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Josh revealed unto us: Ann is a sex predator of indeterminate romantic orientation, having been fired from her bookstore-management job because of her lustful obsession with Bernice and/or Zane (Zane being Bernice’s wheelchair-bound love interest, circa 2002).

    Bernice and Zane would have been, what, sophomores back then? Minors? Jail bait? Anne Awful was lusting after some combination of them? And not only did she go unpunished, but she’s back for more predation? Ick. Just ick.

  272. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Scratch (#y306):

    Archie, 7/11/11… Bijou Twin? Wasn’t that Paul Reubens’ favorite adult theater?

    A day late and a dollar short, but can you name the film Pee-wee was watching when he pulled his “little boner”?

    The answer involves a certain member of the healing arts:

  273. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Answer to the above: NURSE NANCY!

  274. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B (#268): Dr. Fine is busy helping Mark Trail find his Cherry!

  275. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#272): Pee Wee Boner. Isn’t that a nom de B-wad?

  276. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#271): She didn’t go entirely unpunished – she was transferred to Japan by some mucky-muck in upper management. Because, you know, that’s a totally appropriate way to deal with a stalky pederast, send them off to go molest some other country by employer fiat.

  277. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#85):

    DT: (Helium + lit cigar) x Pouch = “Oh, the humanity!”

    Since I live in FloriDUH:

  278. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2011 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#277): I’m surprised no one has pointed this out but helium is an inert non flammable gas. Hydrogen is the big flame maker.

  279. Baka Gaijin
    July 13th, 2011 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#202): I was close. It’s hard to keep those members of the American Association for the Advancement of Academic Bloviation apart.

    @Écureuil Écumant (#232): Yeah, that’s a top secret at DoucheBurger and for very good reason.

    @Dagger (#249): We could only be so lucky that the story turns out like this.

    @Sequitur (#251): Ditto.

    @Ned Ryerson (#258): Double-ditto.

    @Sequitur (#278): “Hydrogen is the big flame maker.” Oh the comments I could make if I were actually awake.

  280. Poteet
    July 13th, 2011 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#276): Thanks. I don’t remember that part of the plot, probably because it was so utterly and grossly offensive that my brain crashed.

  281. Joe in Seattle
    July 13th, 2011 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    “I’m pretty sure this is the first time an actual puddle of urine has been depicted on the comics pages.”

    Dude, read the The Prehistory of the Far Side. Larson did one very similar to this. Gary Larson’s notes on the public reaction to his more controversial strips are fascinating.

  282. Harold
    July 13th, 2011 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Usually, if a firefighter gets laid off, they apply with other fire departments in nearby cities, not at some fast-food joint.

  283. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 13th, 2011 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    @Harold (#282): Still — grease, heated elements — might not be a bad place to have a trained fireman.

  284. Droopy Says
    July 13th, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Jameson chase villains and Geek Girl takes pictures of Spidermouse. Okay, usually Spiderman is a lousy villain-chaser and takes lousy takes pictures of himself, but otherwise where’s the humiliation? Because for Peter Parker it’s just another day at the office. And it isn’t even his office.

    And when are they going to get back to the teensy issue of the missing staff?

    Mark Trail: It may be 1952, but if this goes to trial, you can be sure Myson Mike will have a sudden, modern awareness of how he wasn’t mirandized. Until then let’s admire the clever way Mark Trail snuck into the cave and got behind everyone.

    EffYou Wankerbean: “Way too much information,” Wes smirks, as he takes a note in case he needs to hire a hit woman.

    Phantom: “As quickly as you can, snatch the pebble from my campfire.”

  285. Jeff
    July 13th, 2011 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    He is baaaaaaaaaaaacccccckkkkkk.

    Eduardo Barreto is set to return to drawing sexy women and strong men in the newspaper comics genre.

    News comes via the Phantom Phorum, that Barreto is set to take over the Sunday strip art duties from Paul Ryan on the Phantom. His first strip should start in a couple weeks.


  286. cj
    July 13th, 2011 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    you heard it here first: someone is excited about Luann

  287. seismic-2
    July 13th, 2011 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    DT: You know, I had completely forgotten that Pouch’s day job was selling balloons to kids. Of course, that was way back when I was in college, and I’ve forgotten everything else I learned there, but you would think I would have remembered that. Now that I do, I seem to remember also that he had a nephew, and the cops were touched by the relationship between the kid and Uncle Pouch, and they were reluctant to bust him (maybe at Christmas time?) on account of that. Am I mixing him up with some other villain, am I mixing DT up with some other strip, or am I being completely delusional and mixing this up with some old TV show or something? You would think it would be hard to mix Pouch up with anybody, but that’s the sort of thing that happens when you’re a post-Plugger.

  288. Lizuka
    July 13th, 2011 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    I’m waiting for the newspaper equivalent of Anagram Comics. I need to see the ultimate showdown between good, punch-happy detective Dick Trail, and evil, hell-fiend Margoduke. The conflict would result in an enormous amount of deaths and injuries, but of course only end once resolved by, and later negatively reviewed by, commentator Marty Worth.

  289. Aviatrix
    July 13th, 2011 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#266): Four months away is actually kinda late to book a wedding caterer. Perhaps another catering firm went under and Blondie is getting their desperate brides.

  290. commodorejohn
    July 13th, 2011 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    @Jeff (#285): OH MY GOD YES. Admittedly, I’ll be sad to see Ryan go – in the few years I’ve been reading The Phantom, he’s done a lot of engaging, energetic work (and does a terrific job with the coloring on the Sunday editions.) But…oh man, Baretto returning to the comics page? I am a-tingle with excitement.

  291. Uncle Lumpy
    July 13th, 2011 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    @Jeff (#285):

    Barreto’s back! And on The Phantom! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

    New Dick Tracy, B-wad’s Harass-O-Thon 11®, and now this. It’s shaping up to be a good summer!

  292. Maggie the Cat
    July 13th, 2011 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    Wednesday’s Zits- I hear ya, Connie Duncan. Snakes are the devil!

  293. Maggie the Cat
    July 13th, 2011 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    Wednesday’s FW- Wow, that’s so sweet of you to buy a based-on-a-true story-book about a woman who succumbs to the very same disease your friend has! What a pal!

  294. dale
    July 13th, 2011 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    The blue boys will start running. Mark and John will chase them down and beat them into submission with a maximum of two blows each.
    Sheriff and Mike will be magically transported to the scene.
    Mike will suddenly remember that he is controlled by the cult that steals animals.

  295. Droopy Says
    July 13th, 2011 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke: Of course the Hellhound wants that bedtime story. After a hard day of devouring human flesh, a dog needs his roughage.

  296. Kristian
    July 13th, 2011 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    @Thibault (#169): It changes shape a will. The Ted is made from liquid metal.
    @Curly (#246): Thanks. Took me a while to figure that out. So, she’s like mace or pepper spray?

  297. Fourth Bear
    July 13th, 2011 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#287): I’ve only read the Johnny Scorn storyline with Pouch, but I don’t recall Pouch having a nephew. The original Mole was in that same storyline with his niece, Molene, though. As I recall, the Mole had pretty much gone straight, but couldn’t get his niece to quit the rackets with Johnny Scorn.

  298. John C Fremont
    July 13th, 2011 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    @Jeff (#285): OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod!! Please let Phantom start hanging around with Savarna! OhpleaseOhpleaseOhpleaseOhplease!!!

    Oops! Almost released my jinni there for a moment.

  299. ArchieNemesis
    July 13th, 2011 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    Artwork failures today:

    MW: Hey Mary, put in your resume over at Gumby’s place because they are hiring Blockheads today.
    Love Is: Either a coloring fail on those giant pupils, or the ecstasy has kicked in.
    MT: My son Mike is aging rapidly as his poorly-plotted scheme comes crashing down on him.

  300. seismic-2
    July 13th, 2011 at 7:38 am [Reply]

  301. ave
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    In the Cetology chapter of Moby Dick doesn’t the narrator actually argue that whales are fish? So sorry, Ziggy, but the whales are coming to free your little fishy prisoner, and there will be a reckoning.

  302. nightfly
    July 13th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    MT – and then, Mike kicked Sheriff Dad in the groin solar plexus.

  303. Jesus
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    Ann Eiffel is pretty hot. Brad would be an idiot to pass up a chance with her, especially after being prickteased for the last five thousand years by that stuckup chick with the big hair. But, you know, maybe it would be better if someone had some kind of unrequited-love thing for a change.

  304. BeckoningChasm
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    There was actually a National Lampoon comic by M.K. Brown that took the whole “rubbing a genie’s lamp is actually rubbing a genie” thing and did it much better. Decades ago. Decades.

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