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Funky Winkerbean, 4/26/07

I’m gonna speak up in sexually timid young Darrin’s defense here. Not all teenage boys want to go all the way with their sexy high school girlfriends … or, well, even if they want to, not all of them actually decide to do it. Sometimes they do talk about it endlessly in mysterious pitch-black voids while gently stroking said girlfriends’ hair. Someday they’ll be ready, if they aren’t traumatized somehow by the discovery of their birth parents first.

By the way, I think Darrin’s schnoz is getting bigger with each passing day. My wife suggests that his sexual frustration is leading to some kind of nose erection, but clearly that, while weird and bizarre, offers some outside possibility for fun, and thus it can’t happen in Funky Winkerbean. My diagnosis: nose cancer, duh.

Apartment 3-G, 4/26/07

Margo Magee: bad roommate, awful human being. And yet … and yet … I love her! Oh, God, why does it have to be this way?

Judge Parker, 4/26/07

And now, a little something for the ladies … and some of the fellas … and, well, anyone who enjoys seeing a pair of Parisian punks stripped down to their skivvies, tied up in a utility closet, and jabbering at each other in pidgin French, which I’m assuming is pretty much all of you.

My question for you all is: What do the comics have against that inoffensive creature, the male nipple? Punque Un et Punque Deux join Dagwood and Mark Trail in the Unsettlingly De-Nipped Hall of Fame:

Mark Trail, 4/26/07

Oh God, look at the body language: all the “bird strikes” this and “wildlife service” that and “visit some airports” what have you is clearly these two perverts’ idea of foreplay. About thirty to forty seconds of fully clothed, quasi-satisfying marital duties are about to happen on that rock.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/26/07

Oh, also: Hagar appears to have a crippling problem with alcohol abuse.