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Blue June

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/07

Sometimes I get a terrifying moment where I believe I control the comics with my mind and all the nonexistent subtext I go on and on about is actually true, and I had a doozy of one of those when I read today’s Rex Morgan. Sure, it’s the usual “Hey, Rex, let’s screw!” “I think someone’s forgetting our arrangement” routine that we’ve come to know and love, but then everybody’s fun is spoiled by the look of heartbreaking disappointment on June’s face in panel three. Yes, Rex is dashing off, and by taking Nikki with him, it’s check and mate, if you know what I mean; June is once again the lonely point on the triangle. Will the next plotline be about how June needs to strike out on her own to find love, or at least satisfaction? Or will it just be endless pederastic innuendoes about fishing, with that sad, big-eyed face in the last panel floating at the edge of our consciousness for the next six to eight weeks?

Rex’s already feeble desire to have the relations with his wife may have been further dampened by her weirdly elongated neck and oddly shaped head in the first panel. Watch out, Elastic Lass! You need to return your body to its default configuration before interacting with the non-stretchies, or you’ll disturb them!

Gil Thorp, 9/14/07

I knew that high school sports have an essentially religious significance in the God-forsaken burg of Milford, but that didn’t prepare me for the scene of absolute mayhem in the third panel here, which I assume to be a vignette from a football pep rally of some kind. As Gil announces the starters for this year’s team, he seems oblivious to the monstrous geyser of flame erupting from the Earth’s crust just behind him. Presumably, as is the tradition, the student body is celebrating the beginning of football season by gathering in front of the town volcano. They’ve ingested some kind of hallucinogenic root or fungus, so instead of fleeing in terror from the magma, they writhe in a great ecstatic mass, as you can see in the background. Those who are splashed by the ultrahot lava but survive are considered to be marked by the fire gods, and will be permitted to try out for the team next year, which explains why the Mudlarks are all so hideously ugly and/or deformed.

Family Circus, 9/14/07

Wow, Billy really, really cares about music. And about imposing his will on everybody around him. I don’t know what’s more unnerving: the fact that he looks like he’s about to haul off and punch his sister in the face for mishumming some damn Wiggles song, or the fact that Dolly looks sad and scared but also resigned to being punched in the face because, really, she should have learned the melody better before humming it in public.

For Better Or For Worse, 9/14/07

There’s a lot to dislike about this FBOFW. For instance, it’s fairly obviously a new strip, but it’s just as obviously been done in the style of the old strips we’ve been seeing for the past few weeks, which is kind of jarring. I guess the simpler style is supposed to represent “in the past”, but the lettering and the gradients and multiple background characters give it away. It also features that stunning and totally unselfaware Michael Patterson self-regard we’ve all come to know and loathe. But I still kind of like it, because panel four features baby Elizabeth visibly vomiting, and there just isn’t enough puke in the funny pages for my taste.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/14/07

There are generally two kinds of reaction shots in the punchline panel of Snuffy Smith. Either one character is visibly laughing, mouth open and tongue wagging, because the simple folk of Hootin’ Holler don’t need anything more than the corny jokes typical of Snuffy Smith to have a good time; or one character looks frowny-faced and wrinkle-browed, because even in Hootin’ Holler, the best kind of punchline involves someone suffering at least a little bit. But rarely do you see the sort of dumbstruck amazement that’s on the face of Snuffy in panel two here. It’s as if he’s thinking, “Jesus Christ, was this Snuffy Smith built around a frickin’ astrology joke? Seriously?”

Dennis the Menace, 9/14/07

Ha ha! It’s funny because Mr. Wilson doesn’t have any friends!

Luann, 9/14/07

Ha ha! It’s funny because Brad doesn’t have any friends!

308 responses to “Blue June”

  1. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 14th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Ha! Boobs killed the thread!

  2. Eric
    September 14th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Is Mr. Wilson ever NOT sweaty?

  3. T. Chicana
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    When Elly was younger, she wore so many kerchiefs (sp?) and scarves, she would’ve fit right in at Charterstone!

  4. Rudy the Ape
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Luann’s parents already new Toni was a “real swinger”?

  5. suziederkins
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    RM: There is a small possibility of something interesting happening here after all, as the knives seem to be speaking to June in panel one, telling her they have unfinished business. Maybe she’ ll lop off that part of Rex’s anatomy that has no interest in her anyway, but more likely she’ll spend her evening speaking with other kitchen fixtures.

  6. The Divine O’F
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Josh: awesome commentary, as always. It was even funnier when I first misread the GT comment as including “vinaigrette” from a football pep rally.

    I’m not going to necropost, because it doesn’t really bear repeating, but I swear the new thread popped up between when I posted my previous post and it appeared at the end of the previous thread.

  7. Anonymous
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    knew. Not new. Time for a nap.

  8. BigTed
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    What kind of mother thinks it’s safe simply to tell a little kid that “I want you to get on the same plane we’re on!” while she watches him run off into a crowded airport? For that matter, what kind of father tells a little kid a story whose moral is that you’ll be happier once you start blaming everything on a younger sibling? FOOBparents, that’s who!

  9. The Divine O’F
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Yesterthread SPOI:

    “MST3K version of Outlaw of Gor ”

    Which is what? either one?

  10. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    I fear for Mr. Wilson’s blood pressure.

  11. Brendan
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    No! It’s funny because Luann knows how to exploit her parents’ culturally waning sexual mores to end an argument in which she has no investment of any kind, presumably just to revel in the power she possesses over those who brought her into this world through knowledge of their values and psyche!

  12. El Santo
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    GT: Whoa, this has got to be a plot point, right? Didn’t Cully Vale join the team on condition of being anonymous? And Gil takes a microphone, and Cully is the very first name he mentions? You’re a genius, Coach!

  13. Frippin In The Krotz
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Billy’s really got his Simon Cowell on today. Up next on “Family Circus Idol”, Billy threatens to quit if Barfy isn’t voted off after his “amazingly dreadful, disgusting, and hideously untalented” rendition of the “The Thong Song”.

  14. Chris
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    I hope that after Lisa dies (Lord, take her soon) Les will hook up with Dawn Weston, who got off on a technicality from manslaughter charges (she stampeded Vera and the Doctor off a cliff).

  15. Gal Friday
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    (DT) Gil Thorp: After the summer glories of poison pen Ben Franklin and crotch-point-of-view shots of one-legged boxers, I’m just not into the new Mudlark football season–volcano or no.

  16. Kate
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Dolly’s pink polo shirt, dried-blood-colored windowpane check tube skirt ,and leather doughnut that holds her hair so tight that her ponytail rears like a startled stallion are her ticket to a long-term lease at Charterstone. She’ll fit right in.

  17. Capthom
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Hi all,

    I’ve been lurking for a couple of months now. I actually had a dream a couple of nights ago about Funky Winkerbean, so that shows I’m spending WAY too much time here. But I’ve been enjoying myself and thought I’d jump in and snark a bit myself.

    Luann: Saw this coming from a mile away, but wasn’t sure how TJ was going to weasel his way in. Now we’ll have weeks of examples of just what a bad decision this is for everyone involved. I wonder if TJ paid Luann to pop in there and bring up Toni? Or did Brad?

    FBOW: Yuk! I think I’m done with this strip. Now if Lizbreath had barfed on Michael that would have been funny. Come on, someone knock her off the page!

    9CL: I just started reading this when I found this site and started to like it until Thorax showed up. Does he always snack on electronics?

    GF: First time I’ve laughed at this in a while.

    Zits: Check! Hurry! *hurl* Nevermind.

  18. Gal Friday
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    MW and RMMD: June’s got nothing on the Plastic Man-Elastic Lass arm contortions of Drew and Vera!

  19. Don, the Rebel Without a Blog
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT – Actually, Josh, Milford celebrates its first game of the football season by setting off a NUCULAR BOMB, as do many towns in the Midwest and South.

  20. Darkefang
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I guess this weekend, Tommie and Ruby are going to “play” some “gin rummy” “one-on-one.”

    Archie: The drawstrings on Veronica’s pants in panel three create such a distracting optical illusion that I barely noticed that today’s strip is just a mishmash of random statements.

    BB: Jealousy rears its ugly head. Doesn’t Sarge know that Beetle needs his Buxley beard in order to keep the Army’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” police at bay?

    DT: A helicoptor chase is a perfect time to pull out an old but rarely used classic anti-Soviet maneuver, the “Bobby Knight Chair Fling.”

    FC: When did the Family Circus turn into a snapshot of life in the Jackson family?

    GT: Is that a mushroom cloud behind Gil to the left in panel three? I guess someone thought a little too hard in trying to figure out what on earth was going on in panel one.

    JP: Is Randy’s nickname “Killjoy?” It must be, since in one day he’s rejected the sexual advances of two smoking hot women, and now he’s blocking our view of Trudi’s chestal region. After he’s finished in the vinyard, he’s off to Baskin-Robbins to protest “Free Ice Cream Day.”

    MT: I’m getting a little concerned that when those eggs hatch, those ducklings are going to have little Homer heads.

    Marvin: The old-people-dieting story arc is just a strategic ruse to make us pine for the days of poop jokes.

    MW: Do they not have horses in Indonesia, or whereever the sweatshop that colors these strips is located? Someone needs to tell the colorists that horses don’t come in yellow or blue.

    RMMD: “Sorry hon, got a NAMBLA meeting tonight. Don’t wait up for me.”

  21. El Santo
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    #9 — Check it out of you can. I don’t know which one, but there’s a nerdy little guy who seems to yell “Cabbot!” for three minutes straight at one point.

    And Jack Palance was in it. Between that and “Angels Revenge,” I wonder if that man ever had some self-respect in the late 70′s-mid 80′s.

  22. gh
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]


    The pep rally also clearly involves human sacrifice as you can see Gil holding the shrunken head of one of the players between his thumb and forefinger in panel one. Given the alternative, I’d cheer like a banshee too.

  23. BigTed
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Is that last panel really a “Rex Morgan” image, or a Roy Lichtenstein painting?

  24. Niall
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    What is this? I have to actually work!! Bleah.

    All comments are made before even loading the curmudgeon site…

    A3G: Margo leaves, and the 3 mice start to play… Yes, Alan, you are indeed right on time!

    BB: Wait, Bailey has a date with Buxom?? Since when does she give him the time of day??

    Bizarro: Wow, a completely lame Piraro. As in, not even close to funny. Inert humour.

    Blondie: Either Blondie shouldn’t be shocked by now about what she hears in the catering business, or else she’s sympathising heavily with the daughter’s plight, having herself married someone her own mother probably warned her against.

    DtM: the plot thickens – Dennis obviously has figured out who his real dad is and keeps teasing him, as kids are wont to do to someone they love but can’t be seen showing actual affection towards. Wilson doesn’t seem to let it be known he knows Dennis’ parentage, but here, Mrs Wilson seems to have figured it out, and lets the boys play their game – she is a model of virtue and patience and love, and has forgiven her husband ages ago, accepting him with all his faults. This is such a bittersweet, poignant strip!

    FW: Stop with the bloody smirks already!

    Ghost-who-sleepwalks: The Hero is making her a school delinquant! It starts with just a few graffiti…

    SFx: Naked teats on the comics page!! Plus: lassoing a bird?? And it’s a bull you’re supposed to ride…

    S-M: Spidey calls that close?? What’s ‘missing’, a mile away? Also, remember when battling bad guys: Jazz Hands!

    TDIET: Okay, Scaduto is just sexist then. Gotcha.

    Archie: Both the AJG3000 and the AAG2000 (Archie Art Generator 2000) seem to have need of replacing their batteries. Non-joke, and, well, look at that panel 3…

    (WT)DT: I now see where the (WT) section comes from. Either the MMM chopper is impaling its blades in the CIA chopper, or else it’s below it (with the blades spinning at a severe angle) and Tracy is about to… jump down… through the blades… Wait, no, he wants to “loosen this seat” as he’s bending forward. So he wants to throw his own pilot down on the other helicopter’s blades? WTF! Simply WTF! I can’t look away from this strip now!

    Garfield: Taking a page from the “Garfield is funnier with only Jon’s dialogue”, I interpret this as: it’s ca ll from a telemarketer, and the cat figures squishing one nuisance with another is the best he can make of the situation. That’d be funny! Well, humorous at least.

  25. Duke of Earl Grey
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Is grabbing a bite downtown something like cleaning a garage?

  26. poppinjay
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Wilson has no friends because he’s a sweaty bastard. Martha must just slide off him when they’re makin’ love.

  27. Isaac
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    I like the gentle caress that the coach seems to be giving to Bill Ritter’s chin in the first panel of Gil Thorp. It’s so tender.

  28. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Methinks marriage has mellowed our young Joshua. If I controlled the comics with my mind, every panel of JP would feature June jumping on a trampoline. Even when it might be considered “gratuitous”.

    Excuse me, I’m going to go “grab a bite downtown”.

  29. Dennis Jimenez
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    TDIET – Poor Len Lastlegs might even have to learn to dress himself. Here’s a tip, Len – yellow front – brown back.

  30. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    And by JP, I of course mean RM.


  31. Calico
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    DtM – Meanwhile, Mrs. Wilson gives a Funky-like smirk, as if she has infomration from his Doctor that he doesn’t.

  32. Kate
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    You know, it was just this morning that I figured out the comic tension between the names of Judge Parker and Sam Driver.

    I’m 44.

  33. Dave
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Chicago Tribune today axed Get Fuzzy because it did not meet “standards for taste.”

    Doonesbury, on the other hand, made the cut.

  34. Pozzo
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    I just can’t get over that hillbilly folk leave the “e” out of “the” when they spell it, not just when they pronounce it. F’cryingoutloud…if you can spell “astrology,” why can’t you spell “the”?

  35. kingklash
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    It kinda saddens me to see June upset, and yet I feel better after Baby Liz spit up. Thus the Magic of Curmudgeon.

  36. Calico
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    #8 – Was Elly talking about an airplane, or an astral plane? Because with FOOB, you know, I can’t really tell.

  37. Keg of Curd
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: The old-people-dieting story arc is just a strategic ruse to make us pine for the days of poop jokes.
    I do not thus pine.

  38. Sal Paradise
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    MW : I appears that Drew and Vera are having a Cialis Moment.

  39. Pozzo
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Q17 (Capthom): Well, I had a dream about “Pluggers,” so which of us is worse off?

    Actually, my dream was that I submitted an idea to “Pluggers,” but I couldn’t remember what it was when I woke up. I know that I had something to do with the fact that my cats sleep in the same bed as my wife and me, but I was going to change it to dogs, since that seemed more “Pluggerific.” Don’t remember what the point would be, though: “Plugger comforters?”

  40. Tabby Lavalamp
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Niall (#24) I didn’t mind today’s Bizarro. Compared to his anti-animal product message panels, this was comic genius.

  41. js
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    I can only hope the descent into FOOB Rashomon leads to Elizabeth remembering the same trip, only with a murder.

  42. Lake Eerie
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    #39 Ponzo:
    “Plugger orgies”

    My sincere apologies

  43. Ignatz
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Since Drew has a new riding partner, it looks like Dawn will be forced to deal with her “hankerings” all by her little old independent self.

  44. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Divine O’F (#9)


    In brief, MST3K is what would happen if we all went over to Josh’s house and watched bad movies.

    Outlaw of Gor

    In brief, Outlaw is what would happen someone made a movie of my brain.

  45. Sal Paradise
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    43 : Is Dawn about to get out her, um, “back massager”?

  46. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]





  47. Sal Paradise
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    44: I like Cave Dwellers better. Huzzah!

  48. Foobar
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Why do babies throw up so much?

  49. Krazy Kat
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Damn that’s a lot of Comics!
    Rex Morgan reminded me of what Sen. Larry Craig called to tell his wife when he was flying home last week–Don’t bother cooking dinner, I’ll just wolf down a hot dog at the airport.


  50. Trilobite
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    #48 Foobar — I always assumed babies threw up so much because they’re drunk all the time.

    I mean, have you ever seen a baby trying to walk? It’s just shameful. Most of ‘em can’t even stand up…just crawlin’ around on all fours, totally plastered at all hours of the day.

  51. Tweeks_Coffee
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    #12 – El Santo: I’ve been pondering that too. Is the fact that Gil blurted out his name intentional? Or did Rubin just get so hammered that he forgot what was going on a couple days ago?

  52. SpeedRacerX
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    I just think that FBOFW is weird because it’s Michael’s mom, talking as Michael, about how he started looking better in…his..Mom’s eyes?? How twisted and quasi-Oedipal is that?

  53. Sniffy The Bee
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

  54. Mibbitmaker
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Okay, huge possibility of retroposting, but here goes….

    Half as original!
    And ten times more disgusting!

    Now with more Mikey arrogance.

    FC: Yesterday, I believe, in PBS, Zeeba said he liked Billy better. You might want to rethink that, Zeeba!

    RMMD: Aaawwwwww…

    Hey, “Snuffy Smith”, leave the irony to us. We’re much better at it.

    Luann: Poor Brad. Suddenly, his parents are the Ropers — and he can’t even pretend he’s gay! (CC snark themes notwithstanding) Well, at least TJ can be Larry to Brad’s Jack.

    Zits: EEEEEWWWWW! That guy’d make Gene Simmons jealous.

    FW: “… or the length of the next flash-forward, whichever comes first.”

    S-M: What’s the deal with legitimately threatening Shocker? As you guys pointed out, he’s kind of a joke in the comic books. Spidey’s fighting him evenly matched is like struggling in a battle of wits with George W. Bush.

    BBailey: No need to be in a hurry, Beetle; Miss Buxley doesn’t show up until Wednesday. Y’got five days yet, loverboy.

    A3G: Ah, back to the main cast at last! That’s much better! …Gin rummy, eh? Betcha the life savings* that Ruby’s a card sharp and cleans everyone out. If only Margo would stick around.

    *not really!

    GF: Excellent skirting of censorship there! Oh, and…EEEWWW! …and ouch!

    HtH: Yeah, but they’ll no longer own that castle after today’s strip…. he’ll lose it to Ruby in one hand.

  55. Capthom
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #38 Sal Paradise: I always snicker at the Cialis ads. I just visualize some little kid asking why they need to take a pill to sit in bathtubs next to each other. Then I mute the ad with gusto!

    On a related rant: It’s interesting that most of the ads during the evening network news are for products related to sex, digestion, excretion or sleeping. And they wonder why the young folks don’t watch. (/rant)

    #39 Pozzo: My Funky Winkerbean dream involved being woken up out of a sound sleep and kicked out of my bedroom because Lisa just had to make another video for Summer. My local newspaper has been running a blog and a series of articles by a woman who is dying of cancer. She’s documenting the whole thing. Haven’t read it, but I think the two are merging somewhere down in my subconscious.

    #41 js: I’d really like to see Elizabeth’s version, with Michael being the spoiled brat and she’s the angel. Then Merrie’s head explodes because she doesn’t know who to believe. Another mess for Dee to clean up.

  56. Sal Paradise
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    GT : I can only assume that the “bonfire” is some sort of pagan ritual not unlike The Wicker Man. The souls of the innocent must be sacrificed to ensure a winning season.

  57. Krazy Kat
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Welcome to the snark. You’ll find a lot of fine folks here.
    C’mon evrybody–GoobaGabba, GoobaGabba!

  58. rich
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: Damn right Dawn doesn’t need a man to go “riding”! Now where did she put that vibrator?

    GT: Enjoy that lollipop while you can, Mr. Thorp…you’ll be engulfed by that mushroom cloud in about 3 – 2 – 1 –

  59. Hysterical Woman
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Luann: For some reason, I at first misread it that Brad had asked all the guys to vouch for TJ’s character i.e. he’s a good guy. To which Luann replies that all the girls know that TJ is a great guy, including Toni. Wink wink, nudge nudge. In the last panel, Brad contemplates the fact that even his beloved Toni has done the beast with two backs with that manslut.

    Yes, I know. It’s amazing that I’m seeing heterosexual subtext for once.

  60. Hysterical Woman
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    What the hell is with that ad?

    Try sleeping with a boss
    give her nightmares. show us what you got.

  61. Never teh Bride
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    I’m starting to hate the new old schnozzified Ellie.

  62. fishmorgjp
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Ahhh… with the new “hybrid” FBOFW , Lynn has clearly adapted the “Puke-O-Revisionist” technique favored by George Lucas.

  63. Krazy Kat
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    #38 Sal Paradise-”Call your doctor if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours”–Doctor?!–I’m calling everyone I know! if I got a four hour erection I ain’t the one who’s gonna need a doctor!
    (still makes me laugh)
    (because priapism is funny)

  64. Never teh Bride
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    And to clarify my comment…someone should tell Lynn Johnston that PEOPLE LOOK DIFFERENT WHEN THEY ARE YOUNGER. There is no reason for 20-something Ellie to look exactly like 50-something Ellie. None at all!

  65. Mollie
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    I spent a long time lingering over Rex’s “We’ll grab a bite downtown!” in panel 3, trying to decode what it could signify apart from oral sex. I was pretty sure he *wasn’t* promising to, you know, clean her garage, but I still couldn’t get past my desire to read it that way.

    Similarly, I was temporarily confounded by the use of “turrible” as a modifier in Snuffy Smith. “But if he’s calling astrology a tool of the Devil, wouldn’t that make him a good skeptic, if a selective one?” It’s turrible confusing.

  66. Gabe
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Niall: Uh…he’s only been daing Miss Buxley for like 20 years…

    (I wonder what happened to Bunny?)

  67. Angry Bob
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – I swear if the kid cried the whoIe way and then started puking I must have been on that plane; haven’t missed many performances like that lately.

  68. Hank
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    RE: Blondie. Interesting bit of trivia here. Blondie didn’t marry someone her mother disapproved of. DAGWOOD did. The original concept of the strip was that Dagwood was a rich Playboy who fell for a poor showgirl and his parents disowned him for it, forcing him to try and survive in the working world despite having been raised for a life of leisure. Look it up.

  69. LTBF
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    What was supposed to be funny about FC? Shouldn’t one know the melody if attempting to hum the song?

  70. teegee
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    FC: I think Dolly looks so sad because instead of hands, she has interlocking puzzle pieces. That would make me sad, too.

  71. Mordock999
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Capthom (#17) hit the nail right on the head. Brad’s parents caved in and are going to allow that $@##!
    TJ to move in. Now we’re gonna have to suffer that little prick everytime there’s a Brad storyline. Surely in this vast great nation of ours theres gotta be a stray bullet with TJ’s initials on it….,

  72. Girl Reporter
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Struck, again, by the use of so many very specific proper names in GT.

    Wondering if maybe the cartoonist donates a lot of naming rights at charity auctions? Where the highest bidder wins a character named after him/her?

    It’s just that the names are always full-bodied and well done, when the dialogue is so laff-at-able and the “art” is so poor.

  73. scan
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    This FBOFW IS a reprint of an old strip that just happened to be a flashback in the first place. The only thing new is the captions on top.

    Oooh my head hurts.

  74. Dik-Dik Vendetta
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps June is some sort of H.R. Giger-like alien draped in the fresh skin of some unfortunate soul. It would explain why her spinal column enters at the back of her skull rather than the bottom like the rest of us humans. It might also explain why Rex is so loathe to join her in their conjugal nest; the ensuing exertions might well entail his violent and bloody demise in the grip of her hidden mantis limbs.

  75. Les
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    9CL: ok, that was darn funny today and toally unexpected

    Sally Forth: uhoh, Faye’s plan to seduce Hilary is going wrong! Hil is fretting about replacing Faye from even slimmer pickings. This is not a prelude to romance. Faye, I know you’re in junior high (or something), but really, straight girls are nothing but heartache. I keep reading that the young’uns are coming out younger and younger. There’s got to be some out lesbian around for you to make eyes at. Straight girls will just lead you on and break your heart. Closet cases . . . even worse. I know as a tween wolf, there’s a lot of brining ‘em out, but Hil is a lost cause! Move on!

  76. Girl Reporter
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    #66 Gabe says: (I wonder what happened to Bunny?)

    Evidentally, a 33 1/3 RPM checked out from the library, the wonder that is Carol Channing, and dropping the y for an umlatted e made him what he is today.

  77. scan
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    That smirk in FW’s last panel took the last of cancer girls strength, she is to die tomorrow, or Sunday.

  78. Lettuce
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I like how the parents are suddenly in favor of Brad having TJ as his roomate, once the specter of Brad living with Toni is raised. I assume they fear that befouled doxy will trick Brad into all kinds of immoral intercourse, as opposed to the gool ol’ fashioned gay sex TJ provides.

  79. Paperback Rifler
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Hey all. I’m afraid that I only have extremely low grade snark to offer today. For example:

    39. Pozzo: “Pluggers don’t need to buy throw pillows”? Meh.

    Mark Trail: And be sure to gather up that extra-large, “Jack Elrod” egg, Shirl. I think that’s going to grow up to be one of them there giant, talking ubiquiducks that’s always flapping around Lost Forest. I bet that no sideburned ne’er-do-well would ever try to tap one of them with a stick, nosirree!

    Dennis the Menace: “Hey, Mr. Wilson! Betcha can’t guess what I’m wearing! And you know what? I think Mommy’s gonna give me a spanking later, ’cause I’ve been a bad, bad boy, if you know what I mean!”

    Diesel Sweeties: What? Pete has gotten Li’l Sis a job that only requires her to wear deodorant and a bra? Jeez, why can’t they have a similar plotline in Blondie or Judge Parker? Speaking of which . . .

    Judge Parker: I’ve been enjoying Trudi’s one-woman double bill the last couple of days, but I’ve just remembered something that might turn out to be important, which is that Rusty Duncan (nèe Mary “Red” O’Riley), when she reappears, will be wearing articles that she has selected from Trudi’s wardrobe. Now, if Trudi’s wardrobe, like her current outfit, consists entirely of clothes that Trudi outgrew when she was twelve but kept wearing because it helped make her really popular with the boys, and if Rusty is going to be squeezing herself into those clothes, then it might just very well turn out that I won’t care at all that they’re not getting any closer to resolving all this vineyard takeover / hidden lake intrigue.

  80. cheech wizard
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    48/Trilobite – Drunk babies? That’s beautiful- and a worthy contender for COTW.

  81. SecretMargo
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Gil’s just jealous. After having to roust Bill out of his reverie in the arms of his teammate in the first panel, he decides to hit him right in the prosthetic by both denigrating the tightness of Bill’s “end” and then assigning him the second-most cruelly ironic position besides field-goal kicker for a one-legged football player. Of course, the subsequent apocalypse renders this spat retrospectively poignant in its pettiness as the terms of conflict shift to whether the prosthetic will aid in Bill defending himself when Gil inevitably turns toward cannibalism amid the Milford’s ravaged, post-apocalyptic Larkscape, or whether it will just identify him as the slowest and weakest of herd.

    39: Pozzo: Pluggers don’t need electricity to heat their blankets?

  82. Professor Fate
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Mike is utterly loathsome here – in that self satisfied you want to slap them foob way. In addition think Lynn misread all our comments – somehow ‘ this comic makes us puke’ became ‘we want more puke in this comic’.

    FW: Oh shut up. If Les had a damn spine he’d bash her head in with rock and leave her body in park for the squriels – yeah he’d go to jail for life but she’s making sure he’ll be in prison forever anyway.

    I’ve said it before – I think Batrik misses being ill. he could wine and moan and be rude, selfish, utterly self centered and still people would talk about how brave he was.

  83. Bootsy
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Belated happy anniversary to Big Sims and Mrs. Big Sims.

    Hey, True Fable, when the label on the prescription bottle of muscle relaxers says that alcohol may intensify the effect, they mean that as a serving suggestion. Hope you get some sleep this weekend. Try counting goats!

    Trotzenbonnie, yay for moving the relatives back home! Always good to see yet another family come home or get back into their house.

    Maybe I’ll see you around town this weekend.

  84. FreshHell
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Can someone explain to me what in God’s name are those horrifying splotches on the back of that kid’s head in the 2d panel of GT?? Anterior acne? Spike prints? Pinheads?

  85. FreshHell
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Secret Margo; That’s the one legged kid?? That poor little guy is a MESS!

  86. Lake Eerie
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    48 & 80:
    There is nothing funny about drunk babies. Thanks mainly to the German/Irish stereotype genes and lax parenting of the early 70s, I was, in fact, a drunk baby.
    Along with the explosive headaches and lack of bodily function control, I had to endure endless treams of “Awwwwws” when I tried to relay my story in AA.

  87. cheech wizard
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Volcano? Magmacannons? I thought the Milford football team celebrated the start of the season by sacking the town, rampaging throug the streets and putting everything to the torch. After stuffing the geeks* in their lockers, of course.

    *Also known as “roasters.”

  88. Pozzo
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Capthom — that’s disturbing. I think I’d rather dream about Pluggers.

    Thanks for the suggestions, everyone — I make attempt a submission.

  89. Mountain Mama
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]


    Now that I’m thinking about it, though…….anyone seen Dingo lately? :-D

  90. commodorejohn
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    #44 SmartPeopleOnIce – re #9 The Divine O’F – And if you want some examples, here you go.

    Plus my favorite episodes.

  91. Gabacho
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – This is actually a replay strip. I remember the original setup and the cranky looking guy in the aisle seat offers to hold Elizabeth while Ellie eats, causing her to say something about angels in unexpected places. It must be from the early 1980′s and it really pisses me off that I know this since I can’t remember clearly who I lived with at that time but this I remember?

    TDIET – So the guy retires and discovers his house slave has her own life? He’s forced to make his own lunch? uh – oh, he better lay down the law.

    SF – It’s kind of scary the way that Faye’s idea of “fitting in” is to dress like Sally.

    MW – This was the strip that led me to the Curmudgeon site. One day, I was curious if it was still around, googled it, and well since then, I have been lurking here. I loved the boring, ridiculous pace of Mary Worth dramas and first rejoined them during the “Mary Goes to Vietnam” and extracts her doctor with no difficulty whatsoever. Classic Worth.

    But the whole Vera, Drew and Dawn thing is too lame even for this strip. Geez, we got Vera who can’t even remember why she was forced out of luxury to spend her days at the Charterstone Projects, Dawn who is apparently an anorectic Betty Boop and Drew. Drew is just a douchebag.

    Apartment 3-G – I’d love to play gin rummy with Ruby. Please. Invite me.

  92. LTBF
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    I think we’re in for a series of adventures where TJ does something outrageous that drives Brad crazy but it all works out in the end, like with the painting and remodleing thing.

  93. McManx
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – This is the first FOOB in a long time to which I could relate; I too was vomiting by the last panel.

    GT- The first panel is more disturbing than the last; Coach appears to have disturbed several players locked in a weird erotic embrace.

    MW – This comic has descended into the depths of perversion. Dawn, spread eagle on her bed, surrounded by porn, comtemplates self abuse while overhead the caption states “Someone else has a hankering to saddle up.”

  94. bats :[
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    39. Pozzo: “Plugger hot water bottles”

    45. Sal: hey! No margo quotes! If you read the instructions, those back massagers are for backs only! Do not place near genitalia! You don’t think Dawn would dare tempt fate, do you?
    Then again, she’s gotten pretty wild, dating Drew and all… She’ll probably be tearing the tag off her mattress next. Slut.

    Re: Cialis: personally, I like the cheezy commercials for the Natural Male Enhancement (cripes, I can’t even remember the name) that has “BOB” as its spokesman (and that’s quite a spoke, Bob!). He’s always smilin’, wavin’…what a guy! I will watch these faithfully and go into hysterics.

    Trilobite! Are you going to be as the CC lunch in Tucson tomorrow? Please come! It’ll be ever so much fun…we’ll see who blows guacamole through their nose first!

  95. benzo
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    FW: For the love of God just roll her off a cliff or something.

    TDiET: So retired guy wanted to just relax but now he’s decided to take up cooking instead? Is the joke supposed to be that his wife is too busy to cook for him anymore? Is this really something that they do every time?

    BB: Sgt. Snorkel has finally murdered Beetle. We all saw it coming.

    Momma: Momma is a fucking bitch.

    Ziggy: That dog is a fucking bitch.

    Pluggers: Talk about a wordy punchline. I think they could have streamlined this on by replacing the chicken ladies original comment with one about how all her zucchini came from a 59 cent bag of seed. Or something.

  96. LTBF
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    72-Just how much would having your name in Gil Thorp actually raise. If I was going to donate to habve my name in a strip, it would be in one more widely read than that.

    FW-My wife has said if she dies, she thinks I’ll get married again soon and would be hitting on women at the funeral.

    At my dad’s funeral, someone actually made a pass at my mother.

  97. El Santo
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    #17 – Capthom: I guess you weren’t around for the hugely discussed Unicorn Saga.

  98. Anonymous
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    94 / bats :[ : The commercials you’re referring to are for “Enzyte,” and they generally frighten the hell out of me. I think it’s the way Bob’s face is constantly stuck in “:D”…

    (I’m just a regular lurker who’s too chicken to come up with an original name and start actively commenting here.)

  99. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I realize that it’s unlikely you control the comics with your mind. But please, could you just try to knock FOOB off the page? Please?

    And thank you for the hilarious explanation of the last panel of GT. This strip is like one of those Magic Eye images where the true picture is hidden in a swirl of random elements. Both give me headaches.

  100. Mountain Mama
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Guess what?! I got my TDIET from Mr. Scaduto today! It’s fantastic! I love it! No urge, but it’s everything I thought it would be.

    The little signed note said: “Hi, Donna–thanx for your true to life funny situation–funny, that is, when it doesn’t happen to you–thanx again and best ever, Al Scaduto.”

    The man’s a prince. And I like today’s TDIET. Ol’ Len thinks he can do nothing now he’s retired and have friend wife wait on him. Guess what? She has a life, buddy! Joke’s on you!

    Except for poor Ms Channing’s dress, today is a good day.

  101. Capthom
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    #97 El Santo: Thanks for the link! I’ve seen references to the Unicorn in 9CL. I came in just as Francis was getting ready for his big date.

  102. FreshHell
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    This from Slate about High School Football:

    Nobody wants to be that childless guy in his 30s who hangs around high-school football fields . . . .

    What more poignant description of Coach Kaz could there be??

  103. bats :[
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    98. Anonymous: thanks! It is Enzyte. Yeah, I think it has tetany-producing counterindications like that Joker smile…

    9CL: Gah! I just had an epiphany…Thorax is Jabba the Hutt’s cousin! The bulkitude and lingual excess between the two are uncanny!

  104. Jana C.H.
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    #24 Niall

    BB: Beetle has been on dates with Miss Buxley before, though all they ever do is stroll around and chat. I think she and Beetle have an arrangement: she helps him cover up his relationship with Sarge, and as official “boyfriend” he helps her fend off the harassing men who surround her. Sarge knows about the arrangement, but it still bugs him.

    DtM: I think Mrs. Wilson’s position is more complicated. She has forgiven Mr. Wilson and plays the saint, but she also punishes him by encouraging Dennis to come around as much as possible, forcing Mr. Wilson to endure the presence of his annoying love child.

    TDIET: This one can be sexist or feminist. The sexist version sympathizes with poor Len, forced to do women’s work while his wife relaxes. The feminist version laughs at Len, so self-centered he didn’t think that his wife deserved retirement too, and expected her to continue waiting on him hand and foot. When my parents retired, the split the housework, each doing the cooking on alternate days.

    Jana C.N.
    Saith Martha F.H.: Ovens are for baking, not for cleaning.

  105. Gabe
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    bats: His official name is Snotty Bob, I believe.

  106. AhClem
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Luann – If Brad’s new roommate was named BJ instead of TJ, we’d have the potential for some “interesting” “subplots” about “grabbing a bite downtown.” Unfortunately, it looks like it will be the same old same old. And by “same old” I mean “mind-numbingly boring.”

  107. SmallSqueakyNewPerson
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    #39: If you keep to cats, maybe: “Warning: do not attempt to wash the Plugger blanket warmers in water. To do so may cause injury, scarring, or mysterious ‘accidents’ in the back of the closet.”

    Eh. But there *is* potential there… somewhere.

  108. Bootsy
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Mountain Mama, the ‘mudge domination of TDIET continues!

    #98, anonymous, you stuck your toe in. Come in a little more, that’s it. There. Aaah. We’re not so scary. (Well, Chennux is, but throw some taters his way and you’re gold.

  109. Big Sims
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Over the years the Comics have made stabs at becoming more modern and with-it. Blondie got a job, B.C. stopped calling the heavyset woman the Fat Broad, Aunt Fritzi works for Rolling Stone and I heard a rumor that Andy Capp quit drinking. There are even some protest strips that hanker for the “good old days” – Pluggers and Mallard Drinkmore spring to mind, but over all the long standing strips are making charming little struggles at attaining relevance. But not good ole Barney Google and Snuffy Smith! These backwoods yokels are loth to surrender their Pagan beliefs in Music of the Spheres and influence of the Heavenly Firmament. Maybe it’s because they spend their days next to the Horoscopes and not the Religion section of the newspaper.

  110. Jordan
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Elizabeth is on a plane and throws up: “She must have a problem with her ears!”

    Elizabeth is noshing with Anthony and doesn’t throw up: “She must have a problem with her eyes! And brain! And body chemistry! And… well, her future.”

  111. Razmytaz
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Has no one else noticed how Trudi is canitlevered forward so that Sam could take a good look at the label on her sports bra (and the bra puppies within?) (And speaking of cantilevered, I’m actually old enough to have laughed at the old geek joke-article “Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown”.) My understanding of JP perspective is not good enough to accurately estimate the distance between Sam’s left hand and said pup. I mean is Trudi just forcing a feel on him?

  112. Razmytaz
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Shoot… I meant to call out the connection to Judge Parker in my note. It’s hard enough around here sometimes keeping all the players straight (so to speak).

  113. Aging Hipster
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    We know it’s a new FOOB strip because Elly has a potato nose!

  114. cheech wizard
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Luann – So Brad’s parents would prefer their adult son take in a lying sleazeball as a roommate rather than get laid. Given that said dirtbag will likely trash the house and stiff him on rent, whereas Toni would only ruin his sheets and possibly charge him for sex, this seems like a no-brainer.

  115. bats :[
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I am so, so sorry for this (I was hinked out by Thorax’s tongue, and I only read Zits on Sunday in the paper…but there were several references, and my “Don’t look, Marian!” alarm totally failed.):

    108. Bootsy: do Tater Tots gain any additional creds with Chennux?

  116. Razmytaz
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    108 Bootsy, and 115 bats:

    And then there’s always latkes for pure potato-y goodness. I never could control the magmacannons well enough on the Tarzana Nights to avoid over-kripsing the edges, but you slather on enough sour cream and/or apple sauce and nobody cares much.

  117. Mountain Mama
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Bootsy: I know! I feel so powerful now! Think I’m going to try Pluggers next. I had a thought today….

    MW, because I must: Yeah, Dawn’s feeling all independent today. Independent….until she sees Drew with another women. Then she’ll begin feeling sorry for herself and whining…..wait a minute…..damn.

  118. Williams
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    I look forward to Dawn getting drunk and driving her horse over a cliff.

  119. louder
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    My first thought reading FOOB this morning: G-d, Michael is a self-involved twerp. How is it that no one kicked his ass in High School, seems to me he wouldn’t make it out of the parking lot at the end of day one.

  120. Old Man Muffaroo [Hoo! Kip W]
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    DT – Great idea, Tracy! Cause a helicopter to crash over downtown DC. You’ll be promoted to beat cop in no time.

    DtM – Wilson’s a miserable bastard who can’t ever get ahead. I’m thinking he must be a Plugger. Maybe a walrus, a manatee, or one of those proboscis monkeys.

    Darkefang @20 – Your MT comment will give me nightmares for months.

    Big Ted @23 – Here’s a web page that puts the superior originals next to Lichtenstein’s inept swipes. I know which I’d rather have on my wall. They’re like clueless translations that miss the point entirely while laboriously copying irrelevant surface details.

    I had more to say, but someone else said it first, and added insult to injury by prefacing it with something like, “Well, this isn’t really funny, but…”

  121. True Fable
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    # 83 Bootsy – It is a sad, sad fact that yesterthread I was overcome with the most heinous case of nincompoopery when I unintentionally left you off my Dream Girl list. Please forgive me for I am a simple, simple soul. :-(
    Ah! And Mountain Mama’s name was inabsentia too; is there no end to my foolishness?

    #96 LTBF – one of my dad’s old drinking buddies came out to our house less than a week after Dad died to see if Mom wanted to go out “fishin’ and whatnot” with him. She told him not just no but hell no, and threatened to sicc her six offended children on him. We were all seething on the porch, lined up on either side of her, making little lunges with teeth bared like twin Cerberus itching for fresh meat. He ran back to his truck and we never saw him again. True story.

    Crabby Genes: I am 5’6″. Unfortunately this is also a true story. :-) That’s what happens when a Fable is raised to be a simple hound from hell. :D

  122. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]





  123. Bitter Scribe
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Wait, Bailey has a date with Buxom?? Since when does she give him the time of day??

    They’ve been going out for awhile now. Who else should she go out with? The married letch general, the fat sergeant, the fat nerd, the moron, or the horndog whose cap always wiggles when he gets aroused?

    In the current Vanity Fair, an article about Peanuts quotes Mort Walker as saying, when faced with another genius innovation by Charles Schultz, “That’s when I realized I didn’t know anything about the comic business.” Oh, if only he had acted on that revelation…

    Note also that he called it the comic business, not the art or craft of comics. That gives a little clue as to his attitude.

  124. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    115. bats :[ GAH! GAH GAH GAH! must wash eyes out with soap! must cauterize brain! GAH!

  125. Jamus The Bartender
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Flexy Rexy: Looks to me like June Morgan needs a little bit of Tender, Lovin’ Jamus.

    Luann: Some mentioned that Toni Daytona was only slightly less flaky than TJ, but I completely understand where Mr and Mrs DeGroot are coming from. Chances are slim and none TJ will wind up standing in the front yard nine months enciente, as the Spanish say, and smoking Menthols, “’cause of the baby.”

  126. Niall
    September 14th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe I forgot to click on this one…

    GT: I… Panel 1: one footballer is leaning right in front of another who has his right hand at his crotch – I’m trying really hard not to complete the image mentally, but… fail!! And panel 3 has to the most whacktastic in a while.

    Between Bonng!s, transgendered ducks, arm-wrestling on a horse, and footballers doing each other on the field and coaches doing themselves in the office, this last week has been a pure bonanza of Great Panels in Comic Strips History!

    Oh, and GF: Bwahahahahaha!!!! Best, actually FUNNY punchline all week. I’m give-and-take on the strip at times, but this one is a winner, because the setup has been building all week.

  127. Razmytaz
    September 14th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    122: GEC®™© Now that I think about it, I always wondered why the triple encrypted magmalocks were on the Tarzana Nights potato bin. And the stacks of gold Looneys next to the King Arthur flour. Live and learn… um… assuming that I can remember to bring some Yukon Golds to restock the bin before your imperial galacticness does your next internal audit.

  128. The Divine O’F
    September 14th, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Attention, Mountain Mama, bats:[ and any other interested Arizona Curminions:

    I have made reservations for tomorrow at Macayo for five people for 1 PM. The fifth is for Mountain Mama’s husband, if he decides to come, or for Chennux. Macayo’s phone number is 742-2141.

  129. Mountain Mama
    September 14th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Shouldn’t we have an empty place at the table for Chennux, anyway? Or am I thinking of something else?

  130. Mountain Mama
    September 14th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    TF: No worries. Just realize you’re in a line with (at least!) SSB, Wille, Chennux, and the Bartender. I can wait my turn if you can. ;-)

    Come back soon, Red! You, too, Hogen, if you’re out there!

  131. Lynn J.
    September 14th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    My Dearest Fable,

    Love is feeling happy because someone else is miserable … or is that schadenfreude? I think it’s schadenfreude. I always get those two mixed up. Okay. Love is being slightly less insufferable than the person next to you. This is the love I bear you.

    Surely there’s someone out there who I can make myself look nearly angelic by standing next to, thereby winning a small part of your affection … Cathy? Batiuk? Thorax? Come on … I’ve got to be better than Thorax, right?

    *Sigh.* I know, I know … you’re going to say, “If Thorax, Lynnie and I were the last three people on earth, I’d be trying to start a family with Thorax.” Well, DON’T. You don’t want to go there with Thorax. I mean, he’s an alien. I know he looks pretty normal, but that’s because he keeps his tentacles under the overalls. And you don’t want to know what he does with them. Trust me. Ugh. Rebound sex truly is horrible.

    Ugh … Must think happy thoughts … Tuna noodle casserole with cheese! Tuna noodle casserole with cheese! Tuna noodle casserole with cheese! … There. Much better.

    Oh Fable … I long for you the way Michael longs to be the center of attention. I long for you the way a passenger on a three-and-a-half hour flight longs for THAT BABY TO SHUT UP. I long for you the way tuna longs for noodles, and noodles long for cheese.

    You may have spurned me before, but if you ever change your mind, there’s always a place between my freshly shaved sheets for you.

    Adoringly yours,

    Lynnie J.

  132. Lee
    September 14th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Please comment on obnoxious trophy child Hilary in Sally Forth and her growing alienation now that Faye has decided to be a normal kid instead of a whiney little turd.

  133. The Divine O’F
    September 14th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    POI 44: Thanks. I remember now reading here about MST3K. Only I think in the discussion it was somewhat less acronym’y. Thanks for the links. “Gor” sounds like a real hoot, but probably something I a) shouldn’t watch alone and b) shouldn’t watch with my rather literal-minded husband.

    90 commodore john: Thanks for those links too. I only had time to watch a little, but it was hysterical.

    115 bats:[: EWWWWWWWW!

  134. Virginia
    September 14th, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    I actually cackled in glee over the impending pickle Dr. Drew the Love Doctor will find himself in, as Dawn finds she isn’t the only filly he’s riding! Then I thought, I’m cackling over a predictable MW storyline, and punning, perhaps, I read too many comic strips. However, the less sane part prevailed and I must say, this is the most excitement I’ve had over Mary Worth since AldoMania!!

    Will it be Archie-type shenanigans, complete with Drew suddenly sporting grids on his head, or a FOOB-type, which will end with many whimpers and no bangs? I am ONLY going to need the edge of my seat, I tell ya!

  135. Mooncattie
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    So many sad faces in the funnies today…rejected June, embarassed Cully, yelled-upon Dolly, barfed-upon Elly, irritated Mr. Wilson, the defeated DeGroots…
    Today I’d like to pay tribute to the stoic gentleman sitting in the plane next to Elly in panel 2, who bravely got up and walked out the comic to his own demise rather than spend another panel in FOOBland. Sir, your existence was brief, you were drawn perhaps as an afterthought, blessed with neither limbs nor a dignified haircut, but as the light of this Friday fades to black, I swear, dammit, I will remember you.

  136. LightSyrup
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Michael’s narrative SOUNDS (in my head, if the comics made sounds) like a little kid.

    MW: I’m anticipating w/sweaty palms the coming drama.

  137. Robert Fludd
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Can it be that, after years of the pat and the saccharine, Lil’ Billy Keane is finally lashing out by cartoonish proxy? Billy’s hatred toward his sister has reached a point that defies interpretation as even a lame punchline, nosediving straight into naked vitriol.

    At this rate, it won’t be long before it’s just the Family Keane encircling a weeping PJ, pointing their fingers and revealing the obvious truth: “Mistake!”

  138. CrabbyGenes
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Totally off the subject (I think so anyway; I haven’t read anything on this thread yet), but I had one of those “maybe I’ve been reading CC too much” moments just now. I just got up and saw the headline “Simpson named suspect in armed robbery” when I checked my email.

    In my pre-breakfast, pre-coffee, sleep-clouded brain, all I could think of was “Homer?”

  139. Jamus The Bartender
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Chapter Nine
    The Ol’ Detective Comes Home/
    Cassandra Meets Liz

    I was sacked out after a hard day’s inventory of Chennux’ potatoes in the Tarzana Night’s treasury bin when I got the call.
    “Jamus, this is Calvin.”
    “Calvin, what do you want?”
    “I don’t need you to tend bar….I just think you should come over to Goldberg’s tonight. ”
    I looked at the phone. “Okay, Calvin. What is it that you want?”
    “NOthing, ” tittered an obviously coked-up Calvin. ” It’s just….you can expect an old friend to stop by. Heeeheheheee…” Then he hung up.
    What the hell, I had nothing else to do.
    I went over the possibilities in my head.
    Cassandra? No…the sheriff in Anchorage had her in custody.
    Violet? Maybe. She wasn’t too happy with the fiancey. But Calvin wouldn’t call for that..
    Surely it wasn’t….
    I walked into Goldberg’s to see the Michael Patterson family sitting in one of the booths, Michael with a glazed expression on his face, Dee looking a little stressed, trying to keep Meredith and Robin in line, watching them try to make paper airplanes and paper flowers out of cocktail napkins. Well, seeing as how I briefly dated his sister, I figured i’d better say hello.
    “Hi, MIke.” I said.
    “Jamus, ” he said in his best flowery voice. “It is so good to see you. You’re looking well. You of course remember my family….This is Meredith, my lovely daughter, who carries the finest attributes of the Patterson seed….this is Robin, a fine example of Patterson manhood, he will be a writer or throw the caber like his father…”
    I nodded and got out, ” We’ve met..”
    “And this is my wife , Dee.”
    We raised hands to each other, nodding. Dee wanted to be there as much as I did, I could tell. “Did you hear about Elizabeth? She’s been seeing Anthony Caine once again. Isn’t that wonderful. After all this time of trying to find their hearts desire…” Dee rolled her eyes..”…Liz in Mgtikwaki, her brief time with you…”I should point out to my readers that Liz was kind of a drunken booty call that lasted a lot longer than it should have, but back to the bard, “….her time with Paul, then Warren, and now….Anthony and Liz have found themselves in each other’s arms again.”
    I nodded slowly. ” Dick Tracy told me they hooked up when he was at that wedding last summer. Well, Mike, it’s been real….” then we heard it….a booming voice from the entrance…”GIVE IT UP FOR THE OL’ DETECTIVE….DICK TRACY IS IN THE HOUSE, GODDAMMIT !!!!!!!”
    Dick Tracy was out of jail, and one of his first stops was Goldberg’s. I made a promise to myself to rip off Calvin’s ears next time I saw him.
    All attempts to escape out the back way were foiled when Calvin snuck up and guided me towards Tracy. “Tracy…here’s an old friend come to see you. ” Once a little bastard, always a little bastard.
    “JAMUS !! YOU MISERABLE MOTHERFUCKER. YOU DID THIS TO ME !!” Then he hugged me. Dick Tracy actually hugged me.
    “Good to see ya Dick, ” the smell of grain alcohol and prune juice was overwhelming.
    “I LOVE YOU MAN, ” Dick said, still hugging me, and not letting go. “I don’t blame you. I know we said some bad shit to one another when we were in jail together…”
    “You said you’d hunt me down and kill me and everyone who ever knew me.”
    “Yeah, I was under a lot of stress….but luckily, Joanie Caucus got me off under the fact that no one’s ever seen an actual starship since Area Fifty-One, and next thing ya know….the ol’ detective is a free man.”
    I smiled. “I’m sure your friends and family are happy to see you.”
    ” I wouldn’t know….I haven’t seen ‘em yet. Oh, i’ve got something for you.”
    Dick handed me an envelope. With her perfume. A “c” was written on the top.
    ” I think the kitty’s on a hot tin roof, if ya get my meaning.”
    I nodded towards Dick. ” Thanks, man. I appreciate this. Any plans now that you’re out?”
    “Damn straight. First, I get even with every motherfucker on my vengeance list, starting with…”
    “HI-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SUUUUUPERTEDDY” Then, a teddy bear with a cloth napkin around it’s neck, encrusted with snot, flew across the room , and smacked Tracy in the back of the head.
    Tracy turned slowly around, his formerly jovial features twisting into one of rage. His cold steely eyes locked onto those of Michael Patterson.
    Now, i’m not sure, but i’m positive Patterson voided his bowels at this point. He claims it was Robin, but that’s just buck passing.
    I said, “Good seeing ya Dick, take care, ” as he smashed the bottom of a beer bottle, bringing it up, walking towards the Patterson booth, and uttering through clenched teeth, “Patterssssssssssonnnnnnnn….”
    Seventeen months ago.
    To look at us, you’d have thought we were the perfect couple. Well, close as. I’d work nights at Goldberg’s, she’d go out of town some weekends, coming back with thousands of dollars which I knew well enough not to ask where it came from . Cassandra was one of the best.
    One day, just before her return, I got a call at the bar. “Goldberg’s”
    “Jamus T Bartender?”
    “Speaking. And you would be…”
    “Jamus, it’s me, Lizzieeee”
    You could have run me over with a toy train. After her assault by Howard Erk and Anthony Caine’s slobbering request that she “wait for him”, Liz was after a no-strings physical encounter, which I was only too glad to provide.
    Hey, she’s not too bad. Cut the girl some slack.
    Anyway, the one-time thing turned into us dating for a week…until she was scheduled to go back to Mgtickytacky..and she remembered that she had a thing with some cop named Paul, and that we could still be friends.
    This was better than the way I had planned to break up with her, luckily for both of us. Nice kid, but she did like to eat.
    Back to the phone call.
    “…anyway, i’m in town visiting Mom an’ Dad, and Paul’s with me…I heard you were dating someone, maybe we could stop by Goldberg’s?”
    Well, what the hell? Why not? Liz seemed to want to make a clean slate of things…she was always a good kid. A little too good, she talked a lot about marriage, and having children and a LOT about Anthony…I hoped Paul knew what he was getting into…
    I called up Cass to tell her what was going on. “Oh…was this the little Candian girl you dated?” she said with the hint of smelling something foul in the air.
    ” Be nice.” I said. ” She was a nice girl. We just weren’t right for each other, that’s all.”
    She said with a breathy tone, ” I know baby. She wanted kids and the whole suburban thing. You want me, don’t you baby? I know what you need. Guess what i’m wearing, baby..”
    After a detailed description of her underthings, she promised she’d show up at 8 PM.
    It was seven thirty when Liz and her big ol’ hunka man showed. “Hiii, Jamus, ” She said, hugging me, and giving me a “friend kiss”
    “Howdy, Lizardbreath.” I said with a grin.
    She giggled. “You and Mike and April are the only ones who call me that.”
    Not to mention hundreds of internet snarkers, I thought. “You must be Paul. ” I said.
    “Pleased to meet you sir.”
    Sir. He called me sir. Like an old man. Ah well…wait till Cass get’s here.
    “Anyway, Anthony was acting a little weird so I figured it was time to get back to Mtig and do some teaching again. Paul, can you get us some drinks?”
    Paul nodded obediently. “What’s your’s Jamus?”
    “G and T”
    After Paul split, I noticed it was five after eight. Cass was late.
    “So…Jamus…tell me about this girl.”
    I slid my tounge into my cheek. “Well….her name is Katina…” We agreed we’d use her alias, ” and….she’s …into acquisitions…”
    Liz nodded…” That’s….very interesting. What does that mean?”
    It means she steals stuff from rich people and sells them to a fence. “Um….she’s an appropriator of valuable heirlooms.”
    “Oh. ” Liz nodded. “I wonder what’s taking Paul so long with those drinks.”
    I could see what was taking Paul so long. Cass had just walked in, and decided to get to know Paul better by licking his ear and running her tail up and down his leg. I was positive his time in Mtig did nothing to prepare him for being mauled by a cat woman.
    Neither did Liz’ . Before I could explain that this was just Cass’ way of saying hello, Liz got up, her voice full of ice, maple leaf flags and explosions coming out of her ears, saying, ” So….Paul. Where’s our drinks?”
    End Of Chapter Nine.

  140. El Santo
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    #123 -
    They’ve been going out for awhile now. Who else should she go out with? The married letch general, the fat sergeant, the fat nerd, the moron, or the horndog whose cap always wiggles when he gets aroused?

    Yeah, except that Beetle fills the role of “uncharismatic slacker who has no future in or out of the army. Also never chooses a hat that fits right.”

  141. Big Sims
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    To those of you dismayed by the blatant sexism in yesterdays TDIET, try flipping the script. Imagine the head nurse saying “Your sponge bath will be administered by Tommie.” You’re imagining some hunky guy with soft hands and in walks this nondescript, insecure redhead who won’t shut up about her psychotic roommate or her chemically lobotomized roommate or how she can’t get a date or ….
    OH YEAH…

  142. True Fable
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Dear, dear Lynnie J,

    Well SURE, if you’re going to hold my feet to the fire with Cathy, Thorax and that insufferable toy-with-an-injured-mouse-on-a-string-just-for-sport Batuik, I have to admit your charms outshine them all.

    Still, my dental coverage is not 100% for everything and I’m afraid the amount of sugary treacle you do backstrokes in daily in order to churn out FBoFW would corrode my teeth down to the bone as well as load up my arteries to the max, so I will have to take a pass on double-checking your thread count, my precious little Gross Domestic Product.

    Baby, you know the Fable is Not for You. I just don’t think you can hold on for the whole half-hour ride of your life, dumpling, nor for the two-hour pregame or the two hour postgame wrapup.

    Ah, my Lynnie J… when I think of you, my thoughts automatically turn to tuna noodle cassarole. And my gratitude to the Heart Association for warning me against such fare. But I do think of you, Lynnie J, like a lovely little warning light in the dashboard of my life.

    Atherosclerosiscally yours,

    Truman A. Fable
    Cardio Curmudgeon

  143. Trilobite
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    #94 bats :[ – I’m going to try to make it to the big Tucson Curmudgeon Summit; I think I can get back in time for it, if everything goes okay. (I might be a little late otherwise.)

  144. Sensitive Poet
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Oh man. Brad and TJ are so going to gay it up together. God, I hope that even more comics start having gay subtext.

    Hell, this is hardly even sub. (Feel free to come up with your own jokes here, involving the word “sub,” and possibly the word “hardly.”)

  145. bats :[
    September 14th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    143. Trilobite: well, I’ll cross my fingers and such.

    A big thanks to Dean Booth, who continues to put up with my Photoshopdoodlings:

  146. commodorejohn
    September 14th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    #145 bats :[ – I’m lovin’ the Who reference (“the The Who reference?”)

  147. Spotted HØrse
    September 14th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    #115 bats :[
    Hoo! That’s some fabulous tongue action you’ve got going on. My sometimes-tender-but-usually-base sensibilities were offended by the grossness of Zits today. Your mashup makes it all better!

    Tuscon area mudges, I salute you! Be sure to tip the waitresses veal.

  148. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 14th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    The Divine O’F @ 9: Others have explained MST3K as well as I could. However, nobody has yet given you even an inkling of the wonder that is Gor.

    Gor is a series of fantasy “novels” by John Norman in which a nerdy hunk (think: very low-rent Indy Jones) somehow gets transported to this primitive world, where he becomes a studly hero. But that’s only the surface appearance. In truth, it’s softcore bondage porn written for an audience of 14-year-old Dungeons & Dragons players, wrapped in a “swords and sorcery” veneer so Mom will let you check it out of the library. Anyone out there who’s ever read the Gor books will to this day remember these words: “Binding fiber.” “Outlaw of Gor” was one of the two-dozen or so interchangeable Gor novels, and one of two (I believe) that were made into cleaned-up, dumbed-down and utterly forgettable movies.

  149. CrabbyGenes
    September 14th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    When it comes to Foob, I’m still disgusted with the Michael-centeredness and the faux-original style. But when it comes to babies on planes, I’ve been there. And think 12-hour flights, not 3-hour flights.

    The worst one was when Daughter #1 was six years old and Daughter #2 was two. Daughter #2 decided that she didn’t like flying about two minutes after take-off, and started screaming repeatly (in Japanese, at the top of her voice) “I want to get off! I want to get off! I want to get off!” And all I could think was “Oh, God, 12 hours of this?”

    No doubt, that’s what the people near me on the plane were thinking too, and I’m still apologizing to them retro-actively in my mind whenever I remember that trip.

  150. Jym Drinkmore
    September 14th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    =v= Kelly/DS: Life Imitating Parody Dept. Last week The Onion‘s political cartoonist “Kelly” warned us about the terrorist threat of baggy pants. Today, Mallard Fillmore concerned about the same terrorist threat! Bruce Tinsley earns bonus points from neocon idiot HQ for dutifully switching the official enemy from EYE-RACK to EYE-RAN. (Because Oceana has always been at war with Eastasia.)

  151. CrabbyGenes
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    #121 True Fable. In that case, you STILL have to visit me someday so you can feel AVERAGE. :-)

  152. willethompson
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Ah, Jym Drinkmore, you have sipped the Kool-Aid that is Mallard Fillmore. And Eastasia will always fight either Eurasia or Oceana. What are its options, nu?

    And a happy Day of Atonement/Ramadan to those who are repenting. For whatever reason.

  153. SecretMargo
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    152: Don’t remind me! Ramadan = Curtailed SecretMating and no SecretMargaritaing with the SecretMoroccan. We will eat cookies after sunset together and think pure thoughts, I guess. Or at least he will; I’m just Allahng for the ride. *SecretSigh.

  154. Onqelos
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    47, Sal Paradise: “Huzzah!” That’s “Pod People,” not “Cave Dwellers,” no?

  155. Old Man Muffaroo [Hoo! Kip W]
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    El Santo @140 – The two times in this world when Beetle Bailey’s hat has been removed, regret followed immediately.

    The first was, I believe, in his “college humor” days, when he went around with a porkpie hat permanently soldered over his eyes. Not sure the incident was printed in the papers, but it’s in one of Mort Walker’s books.

    The second was in MAD, where it is revealed that BB wears a “US OUT OF VIET NAM” tattoo. One wonders if it’s been updated recently.

  156. SecretMargo
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    153: But my Ramadan Blues were mitigated greatly by the arrival of a certain cat on a certain mug, purring on my doorstep today! Yay!

  157. Big Sims
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Sorry to here you’re struck with a case of “Ramadan Blues”. Sounds like no fun but the phrase “Ramadan Blues” resonates with me for some reason. I’m just weird I guess.

  158. True Fable
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    #151 Crabby Genes – if wishes were wings I’d be there tomorrow, cheerfully peering into people’s eyes instead of their throats. My best friends are all six feet tall or higher. :) But I hope to visit Japan someday so you and Mr. Genes will have to come up with explanations to your neighbors why your strange American guest takes all day to speak his own language.

    wille! check your mail! :)

  159. commodorejohn
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    #154 Onqelos – No, Pod People is “Trumpy, you can do magic things!

  160. True Fable
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    It’s probably just me, but Rex Morgan’s hair always seems to have that Astro-Boy plastic head thing going on. June’s has texture, but Rex’s is forever encased in black plastic.

    He must be Les Moore’s uncle or something.

  161. SecretMargo
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    157: Thanks, Simsy. And I have to say, Ramadan sounds totally cool if you’re living in an actual Muslim country that allows you to observe it sensibly: you spend the day in devotion, or sleeping, or helping out making food, which you eat in multiple courses with the family during the night. Rinse and repeat for a month; the SecretMoroccan says its rather refreshing, and makes you appreciate the fun stuff (margaritas!) more when you get them again. But here it entails a lot of hungry workdays and making your body adjust to a strange eating/sleeping schedule, with no good way to manage the deprivations. Though I guess in the end, it still does its job of making you take notice/stock of your life and routine.

    But heads up, gentle ‘mudgies. My posts may get a bit dirtier as I have to sublimate more and more into my writing, transposing my Ramadan Blues into a Blue Ramadan of dirty jokes…

  162. True Fable
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    #156 SecretMargo – forgive me impertinence, but as soon as I saw “Ramadan Blues” I automatically sang out, “dah DAH dah daht!”

  163. Buck Ripsnort
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Not only did Snuffy use a hoary old joke, they got it WRONG. It’s supposed to be, “I don’t believe in astrology, but that’s because I’m a Scorpio and we’re terrible sceptics.” Yuk Yuck, but at least get it right, dammit.

    O, and my mother had my father’s next wife picked out the week before she died. Mom, as I may have mentioned before, was what you’d call a controlling woman.

  164. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Apologies in advance to Secret Margo, the Secret Moroccan (Morocco Mole?), Muslims everywhere, gays, fans of The Who, and hell, humanity, for the following.

    Well, I’m a’gonna raise a fuss,
    An’ I’m a’gonna eat a cookie
    I’ve been working all summer
    for that Secret Margo nookie
    Well I went to my man
    Told ‘em we had a date
    But he said “No dice, I’m prohibited to mate”
    Sometimes I wonder what I’m a’gonna do
    There ain’t no cure for the Ramadan blues

    Well my mom and poppa told me
    “Son you shouldn’t be a cheater.
    Just the Secret Moroccan
    should share your margaritas.”
    Well I mixed up a pitcher
    Told him “Pass me the salt.”
    He said “I can’t have a drink
    And it’s Mohammad’s fault.”
    Sometimes I wonder what I’m a’gonna do
    Cause there ain’t no cure for the Ramadan blues.

    It’s just four short weeks
    Till the next new moon rises.
    Then I’ll show my Muslim
    Some ungodly surprises.
    Well I went to the imam, but
    he said I was boned: “The Koran says,
    guys like you two oughta be stoned.”
    Sometimes I wonder what I’m a’gonna do
    Cause there ain’t no cure for the Ramadan blues.

  165. Tim McDonough
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Incompetence with infants must run in the Patterson family. A few years ago we saw Mike and Deanna flummoxed when faced with Robin’s soiled diapers. Now we see young Elly slackjawed at her baby’s aural discomfort during a flight. Yes Elly, you dumbfuck, she does have a problem with her ears, as do most infants when they experience a sudden change in air pressure. If you weren’t too stupid to live you’d know she should’ve been sucking on a pacifier during ascent.

  166. True Fable
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    #164 Spectacular Spider-Brick – Now THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about!

  167. Jym
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    =160= RMMD but actually Lio (True Fable): Funny you should mention Rex’s hair looking like Astro Boy’s. I saw a Tezuka museum exhibit last week, and it showed some of his early work. It included something called “Metropolis” that was inspired by the movie poster for the Fritz Lang movie, and had a protagonist that was clearly a predecessor of Astro Boy. I thought his hair looked like Lio’s … and now, of course, Lio just did a shout-out to _Metropolis_!

  168. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    By the way, re: my disturbing CC dream yesterthread, I’m reasonably sure the third ‘Mudgeon involved was CommodoreJohn. He looked like a blond A3G guy. Don’t know if that’s better or worse than being a isolationist dwarf conspiracy theorist.

  169. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Big Sims @ 109: Have you forgotten the hoopla that surrounded the announcement Snuffy was giving up his moonshinin’ ways? Which is why all you see him doing these days is cheating at cards and pinching the occasional chicken from a neighbor’s coop. He’s a grown-up, bewhiskered, Appalachian Dennis the Menace now.

  170. commodorejohn
    September 14th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    #168 The Spectacular Spider-Brick – Hmm. Actually, I’m a frizzy-haired brunette (er, brown-headed guy) with glasses. Otherwise, however, I’m about as unremarkable as any A3G male, so you were pretty close. Actually, come to think of it, if Gary were less cheeky and had the hair of Dean from Heart Of The City, that’d pretty much be me. I’d post a picture for reference, but I haven’t any merch to model (yet.)

  171. SecretMargo
    September 14th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    164: SSB: HAHAHAHA! Well, now I can die happy. You just totally made my Ramadan. I’ll be hummin’ that all month!

    I’m actually absurdly honoured to be one of the (hopefully) few whose sex life is turned into the basis of a song parody on CC. Is this really what Josh had in mind when he started all this?

    167: Jym — Have you seen the movie that was posthumously made from those early manga? It’s undeniably interesting, if flawed. The effect of his rounded, stylized character designs crawling through the nightmarish cityscape reminds me of that graphic novel Bone.

  172. Big Sims
    September 14th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    SSB – That’s it! I thought it was something like that. And what would Andy Capp be without the liquid courage to slap around his wife sloshing around in his gut? How dare I suggest he quit drinking? I remember now that Snuffy stopping moonshine is the rumor I heard. Thanks!

    SecretMargo – Celebrating Ramadan in a non-Muslim country sounds like celebrating Mardi Gras and Lent outside of New Orleans. Good Religion, totally misunderstood.

  173. Niall
    September 14th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    Hmm, my apologies on my incorrect assumption. I haven’t paid attention to Beetle Bailey in a very, very long time. I think the last time I read a series of strips was in French translations in European comics magazines int he 70s – and those must have been at least five to ten years old. So Beetle is the most eligible man on base? You realise how scary that is?.. yeah, I guess you all do.

    I’ve been busy all day and no time to respond much other than this…

  174. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 14th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    SecretMargo @ 171: I’m so pleased that you took the parody in the spirit in which it was intended. I was worried the last verse would be a little much.

  175. GotFuzzy
    September 14th, 2007 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Thank Jebus for the intertubes, or I would have been deprived of the finest GF perhaps ever. The pimp daddy hat on Bucky and the gut-busting punchline were just the best. Stupid prudish Chicago Tribune. The juvenile “Mr. Woodcock” ad with the suggestive basketballs made the cut, though.

  176. SecretMargo
    September 14th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    174: Well….there’s a reason why the SecretMoroccan is no longer in Morocco. It actually is funny because it’s true. Aaah, paradox. Plus…who can resist “boned/stoned” as a rhyme?

    And for the interested/quibbly, yes, the injunctions against manlovin’ are in the Hadith, not the Quran proper (so it’s the word of Muhammed, not Allah). Not that that affects a lot in practice, but in theory it can.

    175: Do they carry Zits in the Trib? ‘Cause if they ran that filth and censored Get Fuzzy, I say Game Over. Fiends.

  177. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    September 14th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    No, no, no: Dolly’s expression means “I am so sorry brother, but I must slit your gullet and disembowel you with this obsidian dagger I have concealed in my hands, as a sacrifice to The Elder Ones.”

    Guess this isn’t “Josh reads the Necronomicon so you don’t have to”…

  178. winky
    September 14th, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    bill ritter’s head seems to be some type of tuber recently extracted from the soil. somehow i doubt he will be effective at kick coverage, as that task requires more agility than a potato is capable of. godspeed, young bill.

  179. Miserly
    September 14th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Apparently Lynn Johnston isn’t completely retiring after all.

  180. King Folderol
    September 14th, 2007 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – June’s going to have to go back to the DMV to get her license renewed, if you get my drift.

    (DT) GT – Shit Josh, that’s very perceptive. My initial thought was that an evil Gil Thorpe clone had gotten a job at a local TV station and was filing a boring report on the team, since Panel 2 clearly has nothing to do with Panel 3, except for the crappy artwork.

    FC – I’m guessing that Dolly incorrectly hummed a religious hymn, and that Billy’s an Old Testament rather than a New Testament kind of kid.

    BG/SS – What kind of frontier folk abbreviate the word “the” as “Th’”???

    DM – Ironically, Dennis is the one who showed Mr. Wilson how to use voicemail in a previous strip.

    Luann – There’s something very gay about the way Brad utters the word “Roomie.”

  181. bats :[
    September 14th, 2007 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    179. Miserly: maybe we can get a court injunction or something to get Rod back together with LJ (Herro!? You’re the law student, right?)

    Saturday ‘toons so far:

    FC: no words. Wait…new words:

    FW: thanks heavens Lisa clarified when she wanted to be spread in Central Park. NYC probably frowns on scattering pre-cremation remains.

    9CL: and you thought the tongue-thing was bad…

  182. LTBF
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    I read Beetle regularly and I’ve missed him dating Miss Buxley. I have seen him out with her, but I’ve also seen her out with Killer.

    And who calls their date by her last name?

  183. LTBF
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    Based on Saturday’s strip, stupidity comes from the female line with the Patterson family. Who just leaves someone behind at the airport to struggle with luggage.

  184. Razmytaz
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Fungal Cancerbean: I’ve noticed in both Friday’s and Saturday’s wheel through the park that the only color change in the leaves has been a sickly shift just at the lower edges. When the leaves on a tree “turn” only in certain areas it is usually a sign of stress, insect damage, or … disease.

    Oh my god! Leaf Cancer!.

    (And we don’t need a wry smile (nee smirk) with every punch line. Les’s face muscles are going to be destroyed before Lisa shuffles off the mortal coil.)

  185. DarkAudit
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    DT: Is Tracy about to commit a willful act of murder? No wonder he wants to get out of there so fast.

  186. True Fable
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    #167 Jym & #171 Secret Margo – Metropolis. What a really beautiful animated film. Weird as hell but still a gorgeous feast for the eyes.

    While we’re on the subject of animated films, my favorite is still Howl’s Moving Castle, followed closely by the Cowboy Bebop Movie, Spirited Away, and FullMetal Alchemist – Conqueror of Shamballa. I like happy endings, no apologies about it. :)

  187. Helena Handbasket
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    A3G: Well no one asked you to come stay at the apartment for an unspecified period of time, Ruby. Since Luann is clearly recovered just fine, you don’t even have an excuse for continuing to hang around. Damn, even Tommie has more of a life than you, and we all know that you’re going to be trading that gin rummy in for a gin, a rum, and a “hand of solitaire” if you get my drift. So why don’t you take your barbecue, or brisket, or whatever the hell it was and go home?

    FOOB: Actually, her parents were reasonable in planning how to divide up the luggage-carrying, they just didn’t expect Ellie to have packed for a three-month Arctic expedition.

    MT: We’re rapidly running out of potential bad guys here. Bets on how long until While Haired Business Man hires some facial-hair-wearing hooligan to do his dirty work?

    Phantom: Looks like Ghost-Who-Doesn’t-Read-the-Paper is about to get a big shock!

    RMMD: I didn’t know that sticking your finger in a light socket would put your arm in a sling.

    Luann: Nice shout-out to “A Christmas Story”, but this obviously puts Brad in the role of the wife. Thanks to you ‘mudgeons, I now know way more about his and TJ’s sex life than I ever needed to.

    JP: “Jesus, Red, do I have to spell it out? In order for them to look like one of us, we would need to have had sex. They look like neither of us.”

    GT: The football team found one of Shirley’s missing eggs!

  188. madCAPS
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    FBOFW (friday) I love how young Michael treats Elly and baby Lizardbarf as if he doesn’t know them at all during the whole flight. The third panel, as he grimly tries to drown out his baby sister’s howling by concentrating on his book, is pretty nauseating in it’s self-centeredness. But the final panel takes the cake, as Elly looks on with pride at Michael’s total disregard of his mother and sister, as baby Liz coughs up food that she appears to have been choking on.
    Bonus points for “adult” Michael’s smug narration to his wife and daughter. That’s right, Michael, you’re the most special-ist boy in the whole world.
    God, what a douche.

  189. TB Tabby
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Psst! Spider-Brick! That’s your cue!

    DT: It’s not just that he’s making their helicopter crash. It’s that he’s making it crash OVER A DENSELY POPULATED AREA.

    H&L: Mmmm…Lois at a wild party…

    JP: “Ned…sometimes I get that…not-so-fresh feeling…”

    Nancy: Sluggo would later be forced to close his stand due to a copyright infringement case.

  190. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    The Phantom asks: “Anything happen while I was gone?” One hell of a party, I’d say. His friend is still wearing a lampshade.

  191. rodent
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    RM: is it just me, or is Rex looking more and more like the Subgenius?

  192. True Fable
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    Mm, I loves dem Saddidy snarks!

    RMMD HA! Gotcha, Rex! Mama Frizz is onto your game, buster! You didn’t really think she was going to just go along with your “Big Brother” meeting, did you? Come on. She’s either going to talk about turning you in, or cutting you a deal. Watch your step, this is going to get tricky. So to speak.
    Luann This is where a little Right Fist o’ Justice needs to be placed firmly against TJ’s nose repeatedly until Brad scrapes him up off the floor and dumps him out into the street.
    But since this is Luann, Brad will continue to just bend over and take it, as we’ve suspected he’s done all along.
    JP Clever move, Sam! Let Busty Duncan believe that the girls are yours and Abbey’s rather than adopted. Because if she ever knew you and Abbey don’t actually have sex much less have biological children together, “Red” is going to be all over your body like a cheap suit. And then you’d have to have…..Sex! With a guurrrrl!

  193. LTBF
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Several years ago we adopted a 19 month old boy from Romania. The trip back was an experieince. The first flight from Bucarest to Zurich wasn’t too bad, just two hours and the stewardess gave him a coloring book.

    Then we had a seven hour flight to Cincinnati. The medicine we got to make him sleep didn’t work. First he wanted to be held, then he didn’t. It was hard to communicate with him since he barely knew us and didn’t fully understand English. It was not a fun time for us or the passengers.

    Then we had a 45 minute flight to where we lived in Tennessee. It was a commuter airline on a puddle jumper plane. I hit my head on the luggage bin and in frustration said a loud curse word and punched the bin. Luckily, I didn’t get kicked off the plane. He slept most of the time.

    But my wife says that seven hour flight was her version of “labor” she never had to go through.

  194. True Fable
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    # 193 LTBF – Props to you for – well, for everything! All those variables are difficult enough by themselves let alone all together.

    I trust you are bringing him up to be a good little ‘mudgeon!

  195. Trilobite
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    A pair of Saturday comics that I wouldn’t feel right commenting on in the cold light of day:

    Judge Parker: Neddy is 19? Then why the hell aren’t we watching her get it on with French art students right now?

    Rex Morgan: Man, that is the worst fright wig I’ve ever seen. Still, it seems to be an excellent disguise — I don’t think Rex has realized yet that “May” is actually Chris Hansen from “To Catch a Predator.”

  196. ElSanto
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    #154 Onqelos, #159 commodorejohn — It was both.

    In Pod People, at the beginning there was a bearded fellow who Joel said looks like a guy who made leather mugs for the Renaissance festival. “Huzzah!”

    And then in Cave Dwellers, I think they said it several times as well. I just can’t remember which scenes, but the whole thing was a Renaissance festival. (They recycle the leather mugs bit for the “Willie Nelson” guy, Sandor.)

  197. Dub Not Dubya
    September 15th, 2007 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s FC:

    Paging Dingo and SecretMargo! Can you give us a Hanky Code translation to tell us what Bil is signaling here?

  198. Jack Parsons
    September 15th, 2007 at 3:46 am [Reply]

    23: Actually the Lichtenstein woman looks rather Dick-Tracy-ish: start with a strong-yet-beautiful face, then draw it badly distorted.

  199. Jack Parsons
    September 15th, 2007 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    196: In Pod People: setup/punchline. The bearded guy gets out of a truck. “He looks like he makes mugs for the RennFest”. He pull a crossbow out of the bed of his truck. “Huzzah!”

    The hard-core SCA (society for creative anachronism) people I know call them RennFairies. And if anyone knows a nerd when they see them. it’s an SCA-er.

  200. Jack Parsons
    September 15th, 2007 at 3:56 am [Reply]

    last thread, #330, SecretMargo: that is the best bad pun on religious dreck I’ve ever seen.

  201. CrabbyGenes
    September 15th, 2007 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    #193 LTBF. See my 149 if you haven’t. (Or perhaps that inspired your post?)

    I know that, a lot of short flights and multiple layovers can be worse than a 12-hour endurance test, because when my kids were very small, we sometimes could not get a direct flight.

    And it sounds like your situation was more difficult than mine. At least I could communicate with my kids, and knew how to best handle them. You had to learn all that on the flight (and afterwards).

    Anyway, I salute you!

  202. CrabbyGenes
    September 15th, 2007 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    my #201. Ditch the comma after “I know that.” Thank you.

    Gee, I made my #201 comment hours ago, and it’s still the last one. Slow night, I guess.

  203. CrabbyGenes
    September 15th, 2007 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    Come on, America! Wake up! There must be SOME Saturday early-birds over there!

  204. Razmytaz
    September 15th, 2007 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    …. uh… mornin miz genes …. need coffee… got to go do scout stuff…

  205. True Fable
    September 15th, 2007 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    #203 CrabbyGenes – Hey baby! I’m up and getting ready to head out to mighty Roopville Proper, where there’s a Town Festival going on. Maybe see some goats. :-)

    I will keep a sharp eye out for any hint of Foobish activity; the ninja goats don’t get on well with the ‘civvies’.

  206. CrabbyGenes
    September 15th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Oh thank God, I’m not the only one here!

    Except that I have to leave now and do some other stuff. So if you’re still around, Razmytaz and True Fable, catch you later! And have fun at the festival, True Fable!

  207. Tracer Bullet
    September 15th, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: So is the dog-man sending his son out to fetch the paper or his dog? Because if it’s the first, somebody needs to call dog-child protective services on this creep allowing his retarded son to run around the yard naked. If it’s the second, what kind of monster keeps a member of his own species as a pet? Is this the Pluggers equivalent of slavery and does that make today’s dog-man Simon Legree?

  208. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    It is quiet here on a Saturday morning! I’m up early to look at apartments (bleah). “Early” is a relative term of course, but it’s 9:00 Eastern now…

  209. Dingo
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    According to the Gay Hanky Code (something to which I never subscribed as a small-town gay guy), Daddy Bil Keane is into fistfucking as the bottom. For the innocents amongst the curmudgeonistas, this means that he enjoys having someone — either Thel or that hunky bear who lives next door — put his entire fist into his anus and spin it as furious as General Petraeus in a congressional hearing. Or perhaps Dolly. Yes, Dolly. She has the meaty arms of a dowager matron at her tender age.

    Maybe we should buy Bil and Rob Wilco a double-dong for Christmas.

  210. Dingo
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    You know you’re of a certain age when you see the day’s Mark Trail and when Construction Daddy utters that last line of “You’re WHAT?” all you can think of to say is “tin roof rusted.”

  211. dreadedcandiru2
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Funky GallowsHumorBean: Is it just me or does anyone else find this subject matter a wee bit off-putting? It’s nice that they both accept her imminent passing but no one is this accepting, right? Like someone on the Foobiverse posted, you’d expect circuitry and wires to come out if you cut them open.

    For Better or For Who the Hell am I Kidding?: The strip itself, with Jim not being man enough to help his daughter out, is the lesser of two evils. The greater is that it’s the sixth anniversary of Mike and Deanna’s Big Fat Sham Wedding. The utter disregard both of them show for her parents’ feelings is almost heroic in its brazenness. Instead of doing anything remotely honestly, they achieved the twin goals of making Mira look a fool and extorting gifts out of her and her friends by threatening to continue shacking up if she didn’t play nice, even though they and their accomplices, the Pattersons, knew it was a lie.

  212. bats :[
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    209. Dingo, you beat me to the Hanky Code explanation (well, not the full and illustrious explanation, but the site on the internet). Good heavens! For all the variations, one could use a lot of brain cells committing the Code to memory or be able to train for a personal short-wave radio license!
    (Mr. bats was never able to master Morse Code and send messages in the time required to qualify for the license, which is the only reason I bring this up.)
    I’m votin’ for Mr. Hunky Bear Neighbor.

  213. The Divine O’F
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Good morning, everyone! This has been a hilarious thread. Especially:

    148 Spider Brick, re Gor: “in truth, it’s softcore bondage porn written for an audience of 14-year-old Dungeons & Dragons players, wrapped in a “swords and sorcery” veneer so Mom will let you check it out of the library.” You say it like that’s a BAD thing.

    Also, 164 Spider Brick: Best. Parody. Ever.

    Secret Margo: Sympathies.

  214. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Fine, fine, keep yer shirt on! Geez, can’t a brick sleep in on a Sattidy no more? You kids get offen my lawn!

    A3G: Why is Ruby bobbling the cards around enticingly, even after everyone but herself leaves? Does she have Parkinson’s?

    Archie: The AJGLU 3000 understands other machines about as little as it understands the hu-man. “Flushing the radiator” and “flushing the antifreeze” are the same thing. And there is no conceivable automotive symptom for which both the radiator and the transmission could be possible causes. Again, fail and lose.

    BB: Ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohpleeeeease….

    Curtis: *puff* *puff* *puff* *puff* Okay! Here I am! I’m here! Did someone call? What? …I’m too late? Awwwww…!

    (WT)DT: If Dick thinks the seat’s hit the fan now, wait until he has to explain this to Homeland Security. “No, it just fell out! Honest, it was like really loose and I was like, ‘Look at this! This thing’s not even bolted in!’ And then… um… well, you know the rest. So, where did the other copter…? Huh. During Sunday morning mass, you say? Wow. What are the odds.”

    Edge City: This strip has been flying under my radar for months. I never knew it existed until I saw it on the Chron site. As time goes on and I get to know the characters I’m starting to like it more. It’s not a punchline kind of funny, so it takes time to grow on you. It took a while for me because before I could enjoy it, I first had to figure out that it was neither Prickly City nor Between Friends.

    GF: I just love Tuna Flav. And great job, Conley, at giving the initial use of “rapper” to Rob so the punchline wouldn’t be given away by the spelling.

    GT: In panel one, it looks like Cully Vale has been taking fashion tips from Al Scaduto. Sweater to the v- to the -est! Ohhh-h-h-h yea-a-a-a-ah!

    Lockhorns: Those two sure do have an active social calendar. I don’t know why; if I were their neighbors, I would never invite them twice.

    MW: “Kiss me, you fool“? What is this, 1915? Vera, Theda Bara you ain’t.

    MG&G: More bondage in the funny papers! I think someone needs to document this phenomenon like Squid Countess does for cephalopods.

    PreTeena: Isn’t Jeri supposed to be something like 17 years old? And she’s still sharing a bed with Teena? What is this, Curtis? Where’s a brick when you need one?

    RMMD: Wow… Rex looks really eager. And what’s with that outfit? He’s one ascot away from being Rex Harrison.

    Phantom: Welcome home, O Ghost-Whose-Most-Interesting-Plot-Points-Happen-Off-Panel!

    Popeye: At last, the name of this story arc is called back! You forgot, didn’t you?

  215. bats :[
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    211. dreaded: I agree with you on the offputtingness of the recent strips. I guess this does qualify as “black humor” (the kind that circulates around a funeral, when lame jokes and recollections are made, otherwise everyone would be blubbering), but that’s also the kind of humor that’s pretty lame in retrospect and something that’s also kind of personal, not brought up again — it was used to get through a space of time and a means of reducing the stress of an unpleasant situation. It is certainly not held up as a pinnacle of wit, as Batuik does here.

  216. Firenze
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Comics Curmudgeon, you are a friend of Lynn Johnston’s, are you not?

    Then give her a warning from me. Her attempt is not working. She would do better to abandon it.

  217. Manxome Foe
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Dingo: I have a question. Do people really follow the gay hanky code thing? I’m just curious. I’ve always heard about it. I grew up in a small town, and I never saw it there, of course. But since then, I’ve lived all over the world and have never noticed it. I’m bisexual, so I just kind of hit on whoever I think is cute, because we all know that bisexuality automatically doubles your chance for a date on Saturday.

  218. Manxome Foe
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Dingo again: I didn’t see your next post until I had already posted, but I thought exactly the same thing.

  219. Niall
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    199: Actually, they call themselves “SCAdians”. Yeah, I dabbled in it.

    207: That was about my first thought too.

    Saturday’s (WT)DT: okay, points for crashing over a populated area – double points for managing to get that quote passed the censors! Not only that, but no one here predicted it – and it was so predictable! I am in awe!

    Bats :[: yeah, that was my thought on FC too…

    I have to get more awake to comment properly. Too many WTF moments this Saturday. Not to mention scene changes to people I don’t know…

  220. Godzooky
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    #209 Dingo re: Gay Hanky Code: If FC’s dad’s back-pocket red hanky means…uh, you know.., then what does Rex’s flaming red “Big Brothers-meeting” jacket signify?

  221. Niall
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    210 Dingo: actually, most of the friends I have who would think the same thing are in their 20s… The song is still quite popular. I’m the 40 year-old and never knew the words (still can’t make them out).

    215: It might be more bearable without those damned smirks…

    GF: I love how Flav has a time/temperature digital display around his neck. So very a cat thing to do.

    MC: Due to recent discussions, I can’t help but see that woman in the frame as that strip’s version of Carol Channing…

    Phantom: No one, but no one answers “You’ve been shot” by “Not by much”. At best, “Only a little” may be acceptable. Did the AJGLU 3000 take over? Also, are lampshades patterned after a tribe’s headdress, or the other way around?

  222. SecretMargo
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    217: Wikipedia, once again, gives a history that rings pretty true, although the “Gold Rush” things sounds far-fetched to me. I’ve only ever really read about it functioning during the heights of “gay sex in the 70s/80s” in San Francisco and New York, and now it is mostly a nostalgia or irony-laden dead language for the most part, though bears into leather seem to use it sometimes. It’s kind of like the Victorian language of flowers in that respect.

    When the bandana craze hit the hipster nation a year or so ago and my neighbourhood in Chicago (Wicker Park) erupted into a blaze of hankerchiefed douchebags in black skinny girl jeans parading around, my friends and I obviously couldn’t resist using the code to decode what everyone was inadvertantly saying they were into. This morning, I didn’t need to look it up to know that Bil was a voracious fisting bottom, as Dingo elucidated for us. And really, how shocked can we pretend to be?

  223. willethompson
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    #164 Spiderbrick: Nice Who send up. After reading it, my mind instantly channeled the thoughts of Rex and Sam who never seem to want to avail themselves to the charms of their sweaterpuppied wives and the modified Who lyric, “The best I (n)ever had….”

  224. SecretMargo
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]


    bears into leather seem to use it sometimes. It’s kind of like the Victorian language of flowers in that respect.

    I didn’t quite mean to say this, but now that I think about it, it’s probably true. That scene loves semiotics of all sorts. No wonder it got Foucault all excited.

  225. migellito
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    I see Milford is just like my hometown! Their football pep rallies feature a summoning ritual, and they bask in the nimbus of their demon masters.

  226. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Family Circle – Ain’t that sweet, some kids play house, some kids play cops and robbers, the Keane kids however seem to like playing Ike and Tina. Dolly better shape up out of her imaginary barbituate stupor fast or she’ll catch one across her fool mouth.

  227. Godzooky
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    S-M: So much ridiculousness, so little time:

    1. Once again, even though they’re going to an address they heard about on a police scanner and they have to make their way through L.A. traffic without the benefit of police car markings, lights or sirens, Maria and JJJ get to the crime scene way before the cops.

    2. Do Maria and Jameson work at the same TV station or different ones? Even if the same, would they really be sharing the same van and cameraman? Then again, considering they’re the hosts of their respective news shows, why are they bothering with street-level reporting when they should be overseeing and presenting reports from their actual news staff? How often do you see Larry King or Stone Phillips reporting from the scene of the latest bodega robbery?

    3. JJJ just barely escaped a Shocker-collapsed wall the other week and today’s roof-blast gets a smile instead of a startled jump? Not even a head-bobble?

    4. Great plan of attack, Spidey. Jump, flip, duck, dodge and let Shocker cause as much property damage and bystander casualties as possible.

    5. Panel 3: If the first thought that crossed my mind is that Spidey has assumed prime Shocker position, have I been reading CC too long?

  228. Trotzenbonnie
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Well, Mr. T is finally tired of hearing my Funky Winkerbean rants so now it’s your turn…
    Supposedly, Batiuik is using this story line to illustrate how a loving married couple deals with a shitty curve thrown at them by life but, let me tell you, my husband and I are about as loving as any married couple can get without being downright sickening and, I can assure you, he would never turn to me and say “Hey, honey, IT’S O.K. FOR YOU TO DIE!” And I remind him on an almost daily basis that, if I should meet with an untimely demise and he tries to date other women after I’m gone, my hauntings will make Freddy Krueger’s antics look like the gentle comedic stylings of George and Marian Kirby.
    But today’s Cancery Cancerdeath really boiled my butt to a blistered crust. Is Lisa really suggesting that Les take her damned ashes on a carriage ride through Central Park, with the vessel wrapped in a Stewart plaid blanket on the seat next to him like some Addams Family/Ralph Lauren Ad mash-up? (My great Uncle Floyd’s ashes were kept in a cardboard box on top of the china closet at my grandma’s house. We took them down to peek inside now and then. There were screws and nuts mixed in with the bone fragments. I always thought that was weird.) Anyway, what the hell, Les?! Why not have a special urn designed so you can bone Lisa’s ashes post-mortem pre-scatter? On second thought, maybe not. Imagine their poor kid’s horror when she finds out how mommy’s ashes got all muddy. Then they won’t scatter as much as fall out in a clump like yesterday’s Cream of Rice.
    What can you say about a 30 something year old comic strip character who is dying?
    Get it over with, wouldya please?

    Thank you for your time – and Mr. T thanks you from the bottom of his heart.

  229. willethompson
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Trotz: As they say in vernacular of WNC, “fuckin’ well told, bubba.” And regards to Mr. Whirlybird.

  230. CrabbyGenes
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    #216 Firenze. That quote was driving me CRAZY! I knew I had heard it before. Then I remembered. And THEN I looked at your moniker again. And then I felt a bit stupid. Of course!

    But I can’t remember which book without checking. (I have all of them on CD’s, but I have all the actual books too.)

    If that quote is in one of the movies, I don’t know about it, because I’ve never seen any of them. I like the books, and the images in my head too much to want to see what the movie industry did to them.

  231. Dingo
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Manxome Foe and SecretMargo: First, Manxome Foe, I can recognize a Woody Allen line from fifty paces and that’s one of his (bisexuals – Saturday night).

    Wikipedia is the tow-headed stepchild of reference materials and I would never use it for actual research. However, you might want to check your local university library for a copy of L. Wright’s The Bear Book: Readings in the history and evolution of a gay male subculture. New York: Harrington Park Press. Each chapter is written by a different author and touches on the history of the gay movement and the bear movement within. One of the more interesting chapters, for me, is in either this book or the follow-up (Bear Book II) in which two female authors discuss AIDS chic in the early ’80s and compare it to tuberculor chic among women of the 1880s. YES. For a time, it was fashionable for women in the 1880s to powder themselves to look as pale as possible and to appear gaunt. It was the foray into “thin is in.” After many women died of what we might say today was anorexia, doctors began a campaign to equate health with full figures. Similarly, the bear movement began in the US in the mid-60s but didn’t really explode until the mid-1980s when the Apollos of the gay universe began to die. Suddenly, being Hephaestus didn’t seem so bad and dating Hephaestus seemed less risky to one’s own health. I believe one of the authors who discusses bears and leather mentions the hanky code. I believe that it never really went beyond San Francisco and New York. I came of age in the early 80s – right after the Newsweek cover on “gay cancer” and never heard of the code until an older man joked about it to me. He had to explain all of it and it just seemed sillier and more tiresome than oral sex with Lynn Johnston. Why go through all of that trouble of learning the signals when you could just say to someone, “You like to _______?” and get a yes, no, or I’ve never tried that but I’ve heard about it and it scares me but if you buy me a shot and play a Stevie Nicks album while we make out I may attempt it but you have to promise to never tell my last boyfriend because he thought I was as uptight as Dawn Weston in the saddle answer.

    I agree with bats. Better to use that memory on a short-wave radio license!

  232. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    CrabbyGenes @ 230: Are you talking about the Gor books? ‘Cause I have a lot of images in my head from those, too.

  233. CrabbyGenes
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    #208 Skullturf, #214 SpiderBrick. I know, I know. It’s Saturday. I just like to bug people sometimes.

    I give you leave to roust me out of bed tomorrow if you want to. Right now I have to make like a hamster and say “goodnight!”

    PS to Spiderbrick, re my #230. Nope. The quote is from Harry Potter. It’s something the centaur, Firenze, says to Harry about Hagrid’s attempt.

    Sometimes I think I’m the only person who has never seen a Harry Potter movie. Well, except for my daughters, who refuse to see them for the same reason I do.

  234. Ukulele Ike
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Trotz @ 228: I just pictured Les taking a cab up to Columbus Circle, tipping Lisa over the wall, then heading down Seventh for some hot pastrami at the Carnegie Deli. Maybe a hooker afterward.

    I like your mental image much more.

  235. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    CrabbyGenes @ 233: Gotcha beat. I have not only never seen a Harry Potter movie, I’ve never even cracked one of the books.

  236. CrabbyGenes
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    #235 Spider-Brick. Well, I recommend them. And if you like books on CD, the recorded versions (Jim Dale) are excellently read.

    And now I’m REALLY going to bed. See you tomorrow!

  237. True Fable
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Back from the Roopville Fall Festival, aka Roopville Homecoming Festival, aka Fable Gets Smoked. Yep, after the parade on the way to my car, I stood downwind from a bar-b-que pit because an old friend stopped to talk, and now I smell like an old woodstove. But I am a thoroughly cured ham now. :P

    It was great – the county high school marching band dressed in their traveling uniform – jeans and band t-shirt. We didn’t even rate the spats or epaulets, or nuthin’. They played “Louie Louie” three times and then stopped because that was the end of the parade route, I kid thee not.

    The grand marshals were the championship basketball team members of 1959 including on a little float all its own was a square of the old flooring with the center jump ball circle. No joke, even I can’t make this shit up.

    There was also A Float by a local church with a flag and a ginormous faux Bible, four John Deere tractors, several local politicians, three horseback riders, a two-horse-drawn carriage, the Roopville Elementary Somebodies (not their name, I just don’t remember who they were), Shriners & their funny cars, several perfectly restored antique cars driven by their not-as-well preserved owners, a couple of other church floats that looked suspiciously like leftovers from the 4th of July parade, and a float featuring the Sons of the Confederacy who set off a cannon from the back of the float just as I snapped a picture. Good GOD that was loud. I lost my hearing for a second there, and I spat out a “[boxcar!]” that unfortunately for those around me, was not veiled in ‘Mudgeon-speak. Too bad, my ears were ringing so I didn’t really hear myself.

    And then I drove down the street after the parade and took pictures of some little goats, the best part of the whole thing. As I snapped the photos, my ancient Yashica froze on me. I could not find the digital camera ANYWHERE this morning and had to use my old school camera. I don’t know if these pix will turn out or not because the last time the camera froze like this, none of the film advanced whatsoever and I lost some hella good shots, so I went out and drank some hella good shots, I might add. :-)

    So that is what the local folk do for fun on a crisp Saturday morning. They would not understand riffing on comics.

  238. Helena Handbasket
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    #232 Spider-Brick

    I now have a Harry Potter/Gor crossover in my head and it’s all your fault!

    In retaliation I may post “Houseplants of Gor” here to torment you all. (After all, you are ‘mudge, it is in your ‘mudge nature to seek pain through the reading of fiction. You must give in to your ‘mudge nature, only then will you be truly fulfilled. You are ‘mudge, you can be no other way.)

  239. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Dennis The Menace – Thar it tis!! Martha Wilson’s all too common “The boy has pushed him to the brink of a coronary” grin. I alllege she envisions herself travelling abroad with other merry widows sipping sloe gin drinks poolside. Cackling with glee to have her obese albatross finally buried beneath the cold and uncaring soil ….

  240. Moss_Moses
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Could good ol’ Mister Wilson really be a pederast? He spends lots of time with Dennis and his hard to get routine is what keeps Dennis coming back. Martha is a great cover for his secret lifestyle, but as Mr. Wilson repeats ad nauseum, “I am not gay”. He is not lying since he means that he is a crabby and unhappy old man and not gay at all, in the emotional sense.

  241. Frank Parsnip
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    GT: The bonfire is how every year starts at Milford High, when all the bodies of the incoming freshman humans are roasted up to destroy any evidence that they have been replaced by pod people and disembodied alien claws. The bone fragments will be dumped to the bottom of Town Lake shortly. For those in the know, Marty Moon’s name is taken from the dank lunar colony where he was raised to loathe humanity, not from any earther family.

  242. Godzooky
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    FW: Actually, NYC Dept. of Parks & Recreation takes a dim view of ash scattering in Central Park.

  243. Squid Countess
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    #237 True Fable – No parade entry from Miss Amy’s Academy of Ballet, Tap, Jazz and Baton? I really hope your photos come out. If not, here at least, is the Geico gecko and the goat.

    WilleThompson – No, I never received an e-mail, but thanks for thinking of me. I was in a nobody l.m., everybody h.m, think I’ll g.e.w. mood the other day. =)

  244. Dennis Jimenez
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    A3G – Does anybody else get the feeling that the Perfesser is going to pop in to swab Ruby’s deck?

    RMMD – Yikes – That’s quite a leer on Rex as he asks if Niki’s ready. Fresh meat!

    Archie – Flush the strip. The great experiment in computer gen laff fest is a failure.

    Luann – Brad sports a camel toe – TJ leers appropriately.

    Pluggers – Sometimes it’s just more than I care to do to sort out this anthropomorphic shit.

    TDIET – Keen observation – Tom and Andy.

    JP – Lucky Sam – no icky sex required for his brood.

    FC – I think it has to do with mom telling me she’s tired of having to scrub my sheets.

  245. BigTed
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    In Saturday’s “Rex Morgan,” Niki’s mother turns out to be Daryl Hannah’s character from “Blade Runner.” Could everyone in this strip be a replicant? That sure would explain a lot.

  246. Team MP
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Wow, I cannot believe no one has mentioned Rex’s eye liner today. The good doctor is taking Niki to the drag show to help Rex perform his fabulous rendition of Cher’s Believe.

  247. dreadedcandiru2
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #228 : Trotzenbonnie: You took the words right outta my mouth. Black humor may be a nice way of letting off the tension but it should NOT, as bats:[ said, be held up as the pinnacle or mirth

  248. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    9CL – As if yesterday weren’t horrifying enough.

    A3G – I know I’ve been beaten to the punch many times over, but heh, “solitaire.”

    A.D. – Please, someone, tell me that a “magic fingers machine” isn’t what I think it is.

    BB – You know, I’m beginning to think Camp Swampy, rather than being an actual military camp, is an experimental, top-secret facility where the Army sends its rejects to stay until they manage to dispose of themselves, like so.

    Crock – Would it be unwise of me to ponder what the hell he’s doing in a giant gopher hole? Probably.

    DT – And the seat has just hit the fan, folks. I know I’m probably about the fortieth person to make this joke, but seeing as how they called it a “fan” instead of a “rotor,” I can’t believe it wasn’t intentional.

    FOOB – I’m sure this was actually pretty funny back in the day, but after following modern FOOB for the past year, I can’t help but see it as part of the “Elly The Martyr” theme. So, unsurprisingly, modern FOOB has managed to wreck even the old, good strips.

    FW – Is it wrong of me to imagine a crazed hobo relieving himself on top of Lisa’s ashes? Probably. Probably very wrong, but I don’t care. You go, mister hobo!

    H&L – Oh, if you kids only knew…

    Luann – I hate, hate hate that movie. Thanks a lot for reminding me of it, Evans.

    Marmaduke – Marmaduke planted a bomb in the yard and stole Owner-Couple’s alarm clock to fool them into digging it up, thus triggering it. However, he failed to vacate the premises, which makes him eligible for a Darwin Award.

    MF – For once, Mallard Fillmore is slightly amusing and, surprisingly, not taking the most disagreeable stance on the issue at hand.

    MT – Don’t worry, Rush Limbaugh, this kid’ll be highly successful with the business; he’s got Donald Trump’s hair!

    MW – They’d be kissing while seated on their horses like with Dawn, except that Drew’s is much, much larger than Vera’s.

    NS – Why do I even bother?

    RMMD – “I know you’ll do well!” Yeah, who better to take care of kids than a meth momma?

    SM – The Shocker’s pulling out his secret “vibro-smasher” technique. Could we have asked for a better Saturday morning pick-me-up?

  249. bats :[
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    199. Jack: I’ve been in the SCA way too long, and I thank you for the compliment (I’ve never heard the term Renfairies (probably because there’s a dearth of RenFaires in my area), but I plan to use it).
    I’ve always considered SCA people 1 standard deviation from the norm; Science Fiction fans (and I guess RenFaire types, now that I think about it; and yes, I’ve gone to several SF conventions, but not in 20+ years…eep! I’m old!), standard deviations. I have no idea where Furries go…

    242. Godzooky: Hmm, the park rules don’t specifically prohibit cremains, but it does seem that dumping them would be considering littering of one sort or another. Ah, well, it’s the old ashbin for Lisa right by Hello Deli! Maybe Les can score a free ticket to see Letterman. (Maybe he can take her urn to the show and let it be used for a “Will It Float?” segment. Comedy gold.)

    207. Tracer: a question as old as the hills (or the early 20th C.): Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a duck, Pluto is a dog. What the hell is Goofy?

    248. commodorejohn: 9CL: I’d mentioned the descent into Lovecraftian horror a little earlier, but the public has got to be warned? And what is this sudden interest in Thorax the Hutt’s physiology? He was exposing himself last Sunday (in full color) to Edda’s gramma, and here it comes again. Ew.

    Thanks for The Who kudos. I’m still stumped as to the theme that ought to be used (I only had the vinyl for “Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy,” and the only song I remember from that is “Boris the Spider”…well, Dr. Drew is kinda creepy…crawly…creepy…crawly…creepycreepy…

  250. Some Guy Here
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Regards Gil Thorp:

    I’m pretty sure the geyser in the background is in fact a manifestation of the pent-up anxiety all of Milford has for the upcoming game. As you yourself noted, Josh, high school football is the de facto religion in Milford, and I’m sure they’ve managed to learn to conjure up all sorts of phenomenon in their weird pagan pre-football rituals.

    Regards Barney Google and Snuffy Sniff:

    Speaking of paganism…ah, forget, I barely understand a word in that damn second panel!

    Regards Luann:

    Haha, it’s funny because Brad’s parents don’t want him engaging in premarital sex!

    Oh, and he still has no friends.

  251. SecretMargo
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Obligatory cheap shot at Brooke, because I’m starting to suspect we have a relationship that bears unsettling similarities to Truman + Lynn (4Evah!) = Why are you so upset? At least the stuff that comes out that end owns up to what it is.

    Oh, Brooke. Why do you provoke me into such hackery?

  252. Moon Mullins
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Sat JP:

    “Lovely walk through this Napa winery, Red. The forests, the green grassy hills. Hey, wait a second! Shouldn’t there be vineyards here?”

    And Neddy is 19? Whoa. End of restraint for mudges. She’s legal with room to spare.

  253. AtomicDog
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – Another strip in which Dagwood forgets food. Well, I guess it’s okay if the plot delves into science fiction once in a while.

  254. Niall
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Ooo, something I haven’t seen touched on yet, in MW: I want to know what is so amazing about a “Santa Royale” that it makes the front page of the newspaper! I’m thinking either an orgy with “special” santa costumes of both genders which was busted by the police, or a major fight in the local Sam’s Club by proponents and opponents of the store bringing out the Christmas stuff right after Labour Day (as they did here).

    249. bats :[: SF conventions haven’t changed much, except there are fewer young people than 20 years ago, alas. And for the majority, Scadians, SF congoers and furries are pretty much at the same deviation from the norm. (I should know, having dabbled in all three for long enough…)

  255. AtomicDog
    September 15th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    H&L – USA! USA! USA!

    Hmm. I like that. It may replace “Whoooooo!”

  256. Spotted HØrse
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    #209 Dingo:

    You know you’re of a certain age when you see the day’s Mark Trail and when Construction Daddy utters that last line of “You’re WHAT?” all you can think of to say is “tin roof rusted.”

    Oh my GAWD! So that’s what she’s been saying! Thanks, Dingo! Sniff…. after all these years…

  257. Spotted HØrse
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Happy Saturday! I’m really enjoying the rescue in PBS by Little Guard Duck, Blondie’s
    pizza-guy-induced post-coital bliss, and the life-and-death cereal eating in Lio.

  258. Razmytaz
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    252: Moon… those aren’t trees, those are gi-norm-ous vines. Or prehaps Sam and Red nibbled a little bit off one side of a mushroom before they started their walk on the wild side. But Serious Sam is too focused on legalities. Next up, a Giant Rosa channels Grace Slick singing White Rabbit… oh where is the Man of La Mancha when we need him.

  259. Mibbitmaker
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    #249 (bats): Re: Lisa’s ashes/Letterman: I can imagine the segment…. (wiggly flashback gimmick Dave used and mocked alot back in the day)…

    DAVE: “Time to play Will It Float…”

    DAVE: “Okay, Alan, what’s the item this time?”
    ALAN: “Hi, I’m Alan Kalter, TV’s Spanky the Housecat. (Dave groans) Tonight’s WIF item is… Lisa Moore’s ashes.”

    DAVE: “What? That’s a joke, right?”
    ALAN: “No, D.L., it’s really a dead cancer patient’s ashes. Seriously.”
    DAVE: “Nonono… This is wrong, am I right, people?? I won’t let this happen! Forget it!”
    ALAN: “I-it’s okay, her husband said she gave it the okay…”
    DAVE: “I don’t care! This is way too tasteless for me, Alan, and I started making fun of Ted Williams right after he died!

    PAUL: “Uh, Dave… I was in the hallway when I heard our illustrious leader, Les Moonves, say he really wanted us to do this!”
    DAVE (incredulous): “Really, Paul?”
    PAUL: “Yeah. I heard specifically: ‘I’m a bigger sick bastard than even Tom Batiuk, and I cancelled Joan of Arcadia!’!”
    DAVE: “…Okay, then, let’s do this! …That Batiuk pinhead! I wouldn’t give his troubles to a monkey on a rock! …Alan, what’s the container?”
    ALAN (leaning to the microphone with a sleazy grin): “Dave, it’s a Chinese food take-out box, made out of flimsy cardboard.

    Dave: “Yeesh! This keeps getting better and batter, doesn’t it? (patented Letterman queasy look) I say float! Paul?”

    PAUL: “I say float as well.”
    DAVE: “Okay, ladies, let ‘er go!”

    (Close-up on the models’ hands holding the box. They drop it in the pool. It starts to float, falls on it’s side, and the ashes begin to float on the water while the now-empty box gets soaked and sinks.)

    DAVE: (“Hyp-mo-tahzed” look)
    PAUL: (Doing his usual version of Jack Benny’s hand-on-jaw look, complete with head-shifts)

    DAVE: “Gosh, that was ugly. I …I….. We’ll be right back.”

    (Camera pulls back from Dave. Shot of the floating ashes. Shot of Les — in the audience — with a serious expression like his soul was just stuck in a wood chipper. Shot of NY skyline with Late Show logo onscreen.)

  260. Fox
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Yay, Zebra was rescued by the Rambo duck!

  261. Uncle Lumpy
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker:

    I believe we were talking about our legal dilemma, Red!

    Ah, yes — our dilemma! To sum up:

    My client has a promise from one of the majority owners in a winery to either a) persuade a minority owner to sell shares below market price, or b) persuade his own partner to sell part of their majority interest at that price.

    No one has any motivation to sell at that price, nor does my client have any recourse if they don’t. Guess I’ve got you over a barrel, Sam! Puzzle your way out of this one!

  262. Mibbitmaker
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    #259 (me): Corrections:

    1) The second “better” is not “batter”.

    2) The Moonves part was a shot at him for cancelling JoA — I’m not sure if my wording made that clear.

    3) Though I love the completely shattered (shedoobee) expression on Les in the end, I thought after I posted that a smirk would be funnier.

  263. Bloix
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Maybe someone who reads Gil Thorpe can help me out here- what’s with all the Jewish football players? Rosen, Gourwitz: definitely Jewish. So 5 players, 2 Jews: that’s 40 percent! Is this some sort of Rosh Hashanah observance?

  264. Citric
    September 15th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers, probably due to inbreeding, have developed themselves a nice little slave class. When a plugger baby is not developing into a fat bipedal dog like usual and instead is a regular dog, it is pressed into servitude towards the dominant plugger society. These dogs are just as intelligent as regular pluggers, but due to their relative size, unable to defend themselves against their obese overlords.

    Some pluggers ostensibly claim that these outcasts are their friends and such, but this is no different from a master befriending a slave. The slave knows that if they act up against their lord they will be swiftly and brutally punished.

    The numbers of Plugger slaves increases every year, as more and more pluggers marry their sisters, or into different species. Eventually, the entire plugger race will be these slaves, excepting a couple of older pluggers who will lord over them, and then complain about the cost of medication. I’d predict a plugger revolution, but they’re probably too lazy for that anyway.

  265. cheech wizard
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    FW – The leaves are changing color and so is Lisa – although leaves don’t typically become a pale, gray pallor before they fall off the tree.

  266. SecretMargo
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    264: Citric

    Picture: A manbeast placing a battery into a recharger

    Caption: Plugger Revolt

  267. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    #264 Citric – Reminds me of the Selenites from The First Men In The Moon.

  268. Jym
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    =258= JP (Razmytaz): Two weekends ago I saw a “40th Anniversary of the Summer of Love” concert in San Francisco. I arrived just as Jefferson AirplaneStarship was playing “White Rabbit.” They were using a GSGU2000 device of some sort — Grace Slick herself dropped out of the whole scene because too many drug busts were threatening her driver’s license, and her vision of Hell is being in California without a car.

      Anyway, I’m glad Maison de Mullethead et Sweaterpuppies still has some trees on their property; most of the other vineyards in the area have taken to clearcutting.

    =259= FW (Mibbitmaker): Les is going to have some trouble spreading those ashes, because a “private/public nonprofit” from the Ghouliani era has cordoned off large sections of Central Park. Maybe he can get Funky and Crazy to help him scale the fences?

      There’s actually a law against publishing intentions to go to a NYC park to do something illegal, First Amendment be damned, so it’s Batiuk who’s in trouble here.

    =263= (WTF?)GT (Bloix): They can’t be all that observant if they’re out tossing the pigskin on Rosh Hashanah!

    =264= Pluggers (Citric): We’ve already seen how insipid a Plugger uprising is; let’s just say they’re not the type to gather in Union Square in defiance of the Rules of the City of New York, Recreation and Parks Department. I’m still running with the werebeing hypothesis, though, and I think it means that all their pets need to do is bite them to swell up and join their ranks. But why would they?

  269. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    #249 bats :[ and #264 Citric –

    To quote Cecil Adams from The Straight Dope,

    “For starters, Pluto isn’t a dog, he’s a dawg. So is Goofy. The difference is that Goofy is a human dawg, whereas Pluto is a dawg dawg (or dawg^2, if you’re into the new math).”

    (P.S. I don’t know if I can do superscripts, or at least a superscript 2.)

  270. Uncle Lumpy
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    #269 SQB –

    Superscript “2″ is ² — ²!

    I use this page – most of the time, you can just paste the code you need.

  271. The Divine O’F
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Well, I’m about to leave for the Tucson Curminion Convocation. I’m all excited!

  272. Crankenstank
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Google “Modigliani” for more portraits of June and her neck.

  273. Dr. Mabuse
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW – so no sooner does Elly lose the Victorian hairbun, than it reappears on her mother’s head. I guess we’re NEVER going to be able to get rid of it.

  274. Mibbitmaker
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I’m not interested in what you have to say either, you palaverous pinhead! Let the lovers go and love, already!

    GF: Rob is a Red Sox fan, am I right? Well, if I’m right, the fact that Tuna Flav has a Yankee hat on is a brilliant detail.

    GT: If Cully Vale were my name, I wouldn’t be big on eye contact, either. Anyway, it’s FOOTBALL TIME!! Time to break out the clip art!

    MF: …and the rest of us.

    MT (last panel): This is when the studio audience breaks out in applause. (Hey, this strip might as well be a sitcom!)

    MW: Panel 1: Partridge Family music pipes in.
    MW: Panel 2: This is when the studio audience murmurs audibly: “Ooooooooooh…!”

    Ghost-Who-If-He’s-”Ghost-Who-Walks”-Then-Why-Is-He-Riding-A-Horse-?: Guy with lampshade hat: “Hey, that’s MY line! Nobody likes a scene-stealing narration block!”

  275. Onqelos
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    159, 196, 199: Thanks for the MST3K lesson; I stand corrected! Just remembering that “Huzzah” when the crossbow comes out still cracks me up though… I’m easily amused.

  276. Eloriane
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I am alternately horrified and amused by the actions that appear to be taking place in the second. Look closely: Elly kisses her father full on his mouth, while he slips his hand down the front of her pants. (If this is their usual greeting, wonder if it has anything to do with her belief that everyone should marry guys just like their dads?)
    Meanwhile, Marian, to my great delight, seizes this chance to remove Michael’s head! Alas, something must have stopped her between panels, for the little angel lives on, and she is forced to settle for the more subtle revenge of leaving Elly to carry all the junk.

    ps. hi guys! I’m de-lurking!

  277. Razmytaz
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    274: Mibbitmacher re GF. To confirm, Yes Rob is a Red Sox fan. And, like myself, he probably had a strong reaction to last nights 8 to 7 loss to those damn Yankees.

  278. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Michael Patterson: the early days of a sociopath.

  279. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    #276 Eloriane – Whoa. I didn’t notice that at first. Has Lynngineering weighed in on today’s strip yet? This should be great analysis fodder.

  280. Moon Mullins
    September 15th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    #268 Jym:

    Now that you’ve revealed yourself, maybe we can put together a mudges meeting for the Bay Area folks, like Tucson and Milwaukee are having?

    Sound off if you live in Northern California!

  281. Wanders
    September 15th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Don’t worry Dawn. I’ll always be there to catch you when you fall. Or when you draw first blood. Either way.

  282. Ribinin
    September 15th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Napa. I’m not a major snarkologist still would love to be included.

  283. odinthor
    September 15th, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp — Yes, that might be an atomic bomb exploding, or a volcano, or a geyser, or even (hah!) a bonfire; but I prefer to think that it is the home tree of the Keebler Elves. If Milford is, in fact, a community of tiny supernatural beings, this would explain the many engaging departures from human experience in their appearance, behavior, and lifestyles. Those with time on their hands should stare at this suspected tree until such time as they see elves issue forth, bearing delicious hot baked goods. Let us know.

  284. Lynngineering
    September 15th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: I really wanted to weigh in on this new hybrid vehicle, but I guess I’m holding out for the Sunday Rohrschach to work back from. Saturday’s just showed us what we all know, that Mom’s got baggage and her parents aren’t helping…

  285. K Bear
    September 15th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    oh, i just had a vision: cousin Ruby ends up with Gary…and that other guy as well, and of course Tommie ends up playing solitaire, saying how it’s her favorite game anyway, and it’s just as well.
    Poor Tommie.

  286. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 15th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    283 odinthor. Drat your reference to the Keebler elves. That reminds me of the Girl Scout cookie thread, and the news that Thin Mints are actually Keebler Grasshoppers and can be purchased ANY TIME OF THE YEAR. As an addict, this is not good news.

    Um, I have to go to the store now.

  287. Uncle Lumpy
    September 15th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    #284 Lynngineering –

    This looks like a gradual but systematic climbdown from the author’s original “I’m retiring” story. Forget occasional current content bookending the old strips (that might be nice!). Instead, we get globs of revisionist backstory in the current overwrought drawing style — a sort of OCD Back to the Future Lizthony soga.

    Her hand might hurt less if she relaxed her grip a bit.

  288. Moon Mullins
    September 15th, 2007 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    286 Brown-eyed Girl:

    If you haven’t left for the store yet, here’s your cookie, Grasshopper.

    Fear to click the nutrition information, Brown-eyed Girl-san.

  289. cheech wizard
    September 15th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “I’m getting pretty good at Solitaire,” Ruby sighs, tossing aside the deck of cards and taking out her vibrator.

  290. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    #286 Brown-Eyed Girl – Remember, stick ‘em in the freezer for a couple hours, and devour with cold milk. Welcome to the fold, sister.

  291. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 15th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    288. Moon Mullins. Hmmm

    Serving size: 4 cookies BWAHAHAHA!

    Total fat…saturated fat….trans fat. My God, these things are lethal! Maybe we can all chip in and send several dozen boxes to Lisa Moore.

  292. bats :[
    September 15th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    259. Mibbitmaker: wow! I’d envisioned Les springing for something like a water-tight urn. The way-too-easy-to-imagine Chinese take-out bucket slowly disintegrating and the ash-slick is disturbing. Possibly even more disturbing that Cartman mistaking Kenny’s ashes for Nestle’s Quik.

    Not that that’s bad thing. Kudos to you!

    288. Moon Mullins: yeah, yeah. Just remember, Brown-Eyed Girl, that all that nutritional mumbo-jumbo (along with the calories) flies out the window if you (1) eat only the broken cookies; (2) eat the cookies standing up. Really!
    (4 cookies = 1 serving. Snort. 4 packages = 1 serving)

    [Yea, I have survived the first Tucson Curmudgeon Convocation. I think I'll leave it to the Divine O'F or Mountain Mama or even Trilobite to start with the details -- the taco salad requires a bit of a siesta for me.]

  293. Spotted HØrse
    September 15th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    #280 Moon Mullins:

    Sound off if you live in Northern California!

    Ehss-to-the-Acramento here!

    Speaking of store bought cookies, may I recommend Newman’s Own Gingeroos? They’re kickass sandwich creams with tons of sugar, and can be found in the natural foods section.

  294. Spotted HØrse
    September 15th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    #287 Uncle Lumpy:

    Forget occasional current content bookending the old strips (that might be nice!). Instead, we get globs of revisionist backstory in the current overwrought drawing style — a sort of OCD Back to the Future Lizthony soga.

    Nicely observed, sir! Yup, I think you’re right, Lynn will be shoveling us globs and gobs of greasy grimy gopher glurge, retconning her way through her …dynamic retirement.

  295. majolo
    September 15th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    B.C. is filthy!

  296. John C Fremont
    September 15th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Geez, Ruby, two’s company, three’s a crowd. And four? The fourth is what we call ” a load.” Ruby, you are a load. Time to go ‘way now.

    MT – Poor Mark. He really thinks that if he puts on a poofy wig, he can become someone else. Poor Mark. He wants to become the poofy haired son of a construction mogul who specializes in building crappy malls. Poor, dumb Mark… although in the third panel, he does look a little like Robert Stack so, uh, kudos, Mark.

    MW – Hoo boy! I didn’t see THAT coming!

    Ghost-Who’s-Like-Totally-Stupid – I know I’m very, very late in commenting on this, but “Not by much?” “NOT BY MUCH?” Um, dude, WTF? Is English a second language to “ghosts,” or what? Geez, buddy, get a fourth grade language book, you load. And go hang out with that Ruby chick. You two have way too much in common. Yes, you’re famous, alright. Famous for being A LARGE IDIOT!

    RMMD – What the hell happened to May’s hair?! She actually looks a little like Adrienne Barbeau in the first panel. Except for the amazing rack, of course.

    JP – Neddy is 19?! No way! She’s maybe 17… maybe, but 19? No! Noooooo!!!!!!

  297. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    So Saturday morning was quiet, and now Saturday night is free of comments for more than half an hour? Maybe we do have lives outside of this blog…

  298. bats :[
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    297. Skulturf: nah, everyone’s just sharpening their pencils (or keyboards or something), anticipating
    – the meeting of Dawn and Drew and Vera and horsies;
    – the latest in moribund smirks from Lisa;
    – Thorax pontificating vs. Solange doing anything even remotely entertaining (knocking something over, lying there in 12 panels, asleep, etc.);
    – Jeffy skedaddling in front of the whole neighborhood;
    – old Foob vs. new Foob (aka, same shite, different day);
    – the Gil Thorpe crotch-cam zooming in for a new and disturbing angle (the kind where you stare at the picture for 30 seconds, trying to figure out what it is, then spending the next hour in a fetal position, trying to forget).

    Can you feel it? The tension is palpable!

  299. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 15th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Mibbitmaker @ 259: I am convinced that you cribbed this from an actual episode. The timeline of this scenario is now fixed; it can go no other way. Schroedinger’s box has been opened, and Lisa Moore is dead.

  300. bartleby
    September 15th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    This new FOOB hybrid is even worse than I thought. I believed that the strip would be brief reflections from Michael the Turd Writer, who would introduce the old strips (back when FOOB was good), and these would be mixed in with some new strips, not that there would be new drawings of past events mixed in with the actual strips.

    God, this is so awful.

  301. Little Guy
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    252: JP: In Summary, Neddy is legal, Sophie is Sitdown with Chris Hassen Territory.

  302. Niall
    September 15th, 2007 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    I asked a friend who’s very knowledgeable about horses, about the weird colour of MW’s weird horses. Her reply:

    - “Sure – that’s palomino., and sometimes it gets that shade. Not very often, but sometimes.”
    - You say, “A shade of yellow?”
    - “tho the colorist obviously didn’t see that the artist put a star and stripe on that horse’s head. Yes, palomino is YELLOW. Not usually that light, but it can be.”
    - You say, “Wow. Learn something every day. :)”

    There you have it! The coloursist did not screw up! Gasp!!

  303. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 16th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    Oh, palomino, pal o’ mine!

  304. NotThatGuy
    September 16th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    #302, Niall, I was wondering about the generic yellow horse and the generic bluish-gray horse myself. Because I’ve been around horses a long, long time, and those are colors not found in nature (sort of like Drew’s sartorial ensembles.)

    ‘Course, these horses, like the Grinch’s heart, seem to have grown three sizes from Saturday to Sunday, from about 12 hands to over 18 in the opening Sunday panel. Then they shrink in response to Dawn’s fist in the last panel…maybe they expand and contract like those toys that you drop in water?

    In other RMMD news, when did Rex become the official NAMBLA spokesman?

  305. Dr Marion
    September 16th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Josh, don’t make a federal case out of the fact that Billy’s gonna grow up a grindcore fan while Dolly’s strictly emo. They’re both happy in this little scene.

  306. sean pee
    September 20th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Why does Brad’s mom constantly sabotage any chance of him getting laid? Isn’t he a fireman? A fireman should feel what it’s like to be laid at least once before being engulfed in an inferno.

  307. Doodee
    February 1st, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Thanks for sharing

  308. Rabbit Toy
    August 10th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Lol Great story ow you can tell he was a real swinger grunt grunt young Joshua.
    Keep up the brill work

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