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Friday joke clinic

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/23/12

Some jokes never get old. This isn’t one of them.

Crock, 3/23/12

But all jokes are improved by adding “pants” to the punchline. Try it yourself: replace “grenades” with “pants”, and see what happens!

Dinette Set, 3/23/12

If you like a punchline a lot, follow the lead of professional comedian Jay Leno and say it again! The same rule applies to setups, right?

Family Circus, 3/23/12

Dolly reads the fairy tales so her siblings won’t have to, and adds hilarious commentary of her own! You’ll be hearing from our lawyers, Dolly.

Judge Parker, 3/23/12

Sam Driver descends on the scene like a WASP Archangel, enwhitening all who gaze upon him. Check it out:

Judge Parker (panels, edited), 3/11, 3/18, 3/23/12

Next: Monique Zatari — albino assassain!

Spider-Man, 3/23/12

It’s good to see Tinky-Winky’s still got work, but Thor’s gonna regret waking up that other guy. “Occupy Asgard — gods are the 1%!”


Just a reminder that there are no Comments of the Week on my watch — look for them when Josh gets back Monday.

– Uncle Lumpy

267 responses to “Friday joke clinic”

  1. This Guy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    The Keane Kids’ identical expressions of heavy-lidded, arched-eyebrow smugness really speak to the deep-seated need of all humans to find someone to feel superior to. When you’re a Keane Kid, that’s a long search.

    Is the joke on Spider-Man that the guy in the foreground appears to be wearing a Guy Fawkes mask?

  2. RyanE
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    I’m not sure how prisoner #1 can tell how prisoner #2 is spelling PINS in Crock.

    Can comics actually *read* each others’ word balloons?

    Freaky!

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Baldo — The eyes have it!

    Seriously, this googly-eyed girl reminds me of a painting by Margaret Keane:

    http://www.keane-eyes.com/

  4. Spiny Norman
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: “Once upon a time, siege warfare resulted in rat-eating, mule-eating, shoe-boiling, cholera, typhus, cannibalism, undermining of the defenses, treachery, and a desperate fight to survive.” Finally, something that can make the Keane Kompound look comparatively benign.

  5. Comcis Fan
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    MW: Poor Smithers might have had a defamation case against Nola — a case in a courtroom, in which he might also have made the point that he did a very good job for the company. Unfortunately, he’s now exposing himself to a restraining order.

  6. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    Drabble — Writing backwards doesn’t joke funny a for make.

    Mary Worth — Nola rates her recent shopping experience a “big fat zero” on a scale of one to ten.

  7. Spiny Norman
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    I kind of love the idea of Spider-Man as a poetry critic—even better, as a poet in his own right. His haiku:

    What’s on the TV?
    MJ, change the channel, please.
    Loafing is Hard Work.

    I was working on a Spidey sonnet—but it started to seem as if it were in the vicinity of Hard Work, so it was totally out of character, and I gave up and watched TV instead.

  8. JES421
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    Awww, I’d nearly forgotten how much fun “They’ll Do It Every Time” was! Archive time.

  9. Cal
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:51 am [Reply]

    FW: Les finally lets his fiancée see his true self — staring at her malevolently, he retorts, “I still don’t want to go there. So you can just shut up, OK? Who told you you could have opinions?”

    A3G: “I can’t stop working! Doing nothing — staying home with my mewling mama’s boy of a husband who pressured me into having a child I didn’t want — would drive me crazy!”

    JJ: When did Jim’s Journal get so dark?

  10. Comcis Fan
    March 23rd, 2012 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    FW: Les will never want to go there, Cayla. Also, he will always care more about the little idiosyncrasies of his late wife, like her sandwich-making preferences, than about your feelings of emotional safety in expressing yourself around him, or your thoughts about anything. I believe I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Run, Cayla, run!

  11. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 6:32 am [Reply]

    RMMD: This week in the Cartoonists’ Workshop, “How to add a full week of padding into your serial strip: No Fault Fawlty!”

    MT: I am dumber for having witnessed the finale of the old, blind, poorly-trained bird dog plot.

    FW: Les. Still a dick.

    LUANN: Still raising disturbing questions about Evans’ youth

    9CL: Still raising disturbing questions about McE’s, well, everything.

    Pibgorn: Still giving us disturbing answers to the disturbing questions about McE.

    MW: I’m pretty sure that real people who are sociopathic enough to frame someone for theft in order to snag a promotion don’t give a shit how much the victim suffers.

    A3G: Our midwife is a lovely lady who knows a ton about birthin’ babies, and we trust her for that. You know what we don’t trust her for? General career advice. For some reason this reminds me of something. My daughter and I were browsing through Barnes & Noble the other day when I spotted one of the most disturbing titles ever “Life Coaching for Dummies.” Really? Tommie has a copy of this in her bag, doesn’t she?

  12. gleeb
    March 23rd, 2012 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Yes, Creepy Les is a dick, but we already knew that. But what’s with this “used to beat you up”? Batiuk is revising his revisionism!

    Tales of Weenie World: These “customers” are all ringers. That’s the only explanation consistent with reality.

    Rex: Why is the fact that Doc Morgan forgot about Shriners matter? Did he fail at making a reservation? Is he plotting to have Iris in his clutches? What cruel game is he playing?

  13. Chareth Cutestory
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: YOWWCH!! Poor Loki! If you’re ever in a fight and find that your opponent has caught you by the hamstring and an ass cheek, then weirdly put you on his shoulder, the pain train is about to pull into the station, brother!

  14. ArchieNemesis
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    MW: I have to side with Nola on this one. Smithers might not have been guilty of theft, but I’m pretty sure he was up to no good.

  15. Pozzo
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    Okay, it’s one thing for Hootin’ Holler to have an apostrophe in place of a missing letter on one of its own buildings (Thursday’s “Hootin’ Holler Donut Shop”), but on the cover of what one would assume is a nationally-printed tabloid (“News of th’ Stars”)? Is there a special hillbilly newspaper industry, or do they just slap their own titles over legitimate newspapers? (“Stupid flatlanders don’t know how to spell th’! Now hand me that Saint Looey Postage Batch.”)

  16. Swordsmith
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    @RyanE (#2): I have long maintained that “pen” and “pin” are homonyms. My future ex wife insists that they are in fact pronounced differently. I have to admit I can hear the difference if I listen carefully, and can in fact pronounce them differently myself if I try (basically it’s like doing a texas accent, or a cockney one, or whatever…) you can say things in freaky ways if you want, that doesn’t mean it’s the way a “normal” person would say them (by which I mean, “my freaky accent isn’t an accent, just everyone else’s are)

    If Pen and Pin are homonyms, this joke still only works in a fourth wall breaking “I see how you spelled that” way. But if (as my FEW claims) they are not, then it doesn’t work at all.

    Oh wait, convoluted but possible explanation: my uncle was a guest in the Hanoi Hilton, and explained that the prisoners were held in separate cells unable to talk to each other, but they devised a complex system of tapping to communicate, spelling out the words letter by letter. What if the “speech balloons” here represent instead a transliteration of this tap code?

    Then again, if we’re going to try and stretch our imaginations like that, lets try to imagine what it would be like if Crock was funny. Nah, too late, I’ve already had breakfast.

  17. Little Guy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    DS: “A Clapper! A Clapper! My babyroom’s over-head light for a Clapper!”

    Luann: Figures Ann would get the only sexless caffenine-addicted trucker in the state.

    ASM: Because magic works better in iambic pentameter.

    GT: Teen Mom tries out for the Royals.

    MT: My GOD! Call out the Ghost Adventurers! The house is haunted by the ghost of Billy Mays!

  18. Mibbitmaker
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    (BG&)SS: Do they even DO THAT ANYMORE???

    Crock: What happens is that “pens” becomes “penis”. Then, it just raises disturbing questions — esp. if one is a rabbi* with bad aim!

    *Can’t spell “moil”! <– See?

    DS: This strip was a bad choice to replace Johnny Carson, at least in retrospect.

    JP (comment): Sam Driver, Archie Bunker salutes you!

    JP (strip): Don’t worry, Sammy — somehow, I don’t think your client is the one who failed to be protected…

    FC: Dolly, if you ever go on vacation for a week, I have someone in mind who’ll be great filling in for you….

    S-M: …..and it’s definately NOT Spider-Man!

  19. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Florida Artist Behind “Steve Roper and Mike Nomad” Passes Away at 87:

    http://www.tampabay.com/news/obituaries/cartoonist-fran-matera-who-drew-steve-roper-series-dies-at-87/1221362

    (Fran lived in nearby Safety Harbor, and I used to see him at local conventions)

  20. CanuckDownSouth
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    I don’t delurk much, because my comics gripes aren’t particularly witty or pithy, but today I’m getting annoyed at Gil Thorp. Teen mom wants to do sports, can handle her schedule to do it – great. But this “you just need to realize you’re allowed to – and a babysitter” setup ignores that (1) she may have figured out how she wants to / can balance her life right now – maybe she doesn’t want to spend (a lot of!) time on extracurriculars rather than keeping up with school and having time with her kid while he’s awake and (2) she sure didn’t seem to be pining over lost softball.

  21. CanuckDownSouth
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    (and I know, I know, GT generally ham-hands high school issues, but when it’s arguable that MTV better presents the subtleties and tradeoffs of a sensitive, complicated societal issue, you’re doin’ it wrong…)

  22. Mibbitmaker
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is now up!

    Well, she’s no Mark Slackmeyer, but Michelle handles this part of her job well.

  23. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    I notice that Dinette Set comes with a warning at the bottom that it “may cause drosiness”. Is drosiness that feeling you get when you want to punch whoever writes these things?

  24. Liam
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Crock-I thought trying to kill your superior officer was punishable by firing squad.

    RMMD-That is a terrible hotel. First the bellboy can’t get the room numbers right, now they lose reservations. Remind me to never stay at the Fawlty Towers.

    A3G-A walk in the park? That is a lot more difficult. This is New York City. There is going to be lots of dog poop, homeless people wanting money, a lot of shifty looking criminal types. I would rather stop working than deal with that.

    MW-Around the corner is Mary waiting to reward Dan with another bottle of booze.

  25. S. Stout
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Luann: We now know that Evans is easily hypnotized by grinning young men while attractive women in mini skirts do nothing for him.

  26. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “And Lo, the LORD doth spaketh to Iris, the pregnant virgin: ‘My child, seek refuge in the stable with the animals, known to all in the land as the House of Rex Morgan!’ And herewith cowboy hat in hand, sour face and nasty temperament, did Iris sluff over to the stables to feast with the beasts, away from the date merchants and their fezes.”

  27. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#Y217):

    9CL: Argh, argh, ARGH! Just go pee on a stick, already!

    And just like that, I suddenly got my new favourite way of saying, “Piss off!”

    Retail: The joke here is really in the first frame when she says she has a “Pretty high boiling point.” Right?

  28. Señor Tortilla
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#16): I really hope you’re not divorcing your wife over this issue. Myself, I think they are pronounced differently.

    Garfield – I don’t know if this is showing up on yours, but it looks like Jon is in a smoke-filled house or has a weird skin disease.

  29. Flonatin of Bologna
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    GT: Darby is now my least favorite comic strip character ever – until we get a teenage girl who names her kid Nevaeh.

    Marmaduke: No, Anderson family. Marmaduke is a D-O-G, not a C-A-T.

  30. Powers
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    JP: You realize the person who decides the colors for the Sunday strips isn’t the same person who colorizes the dailies, right?

  31. Cleve Barrister
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    FW: Confused- didn’t Batiuk just tell us weeks ago that Bull never really beat Les up? Remember the “fake beating in the closet” strips? So which is it?

  32. Mibbitmaker
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    NEXT on JUDGE PARKER (or, Fun With “Ka-Boom!”):

    Saturday:
    “Oh, it’s just the neighbor’s car backfiring! That really startl–”
    (3-23-12 last panel again) KA-BOOM!

    Sunday: Recaps.

    Monday:
    “Hey! You next door! Turn your TV down!”
    “Sorry. I was just watching a war movie that’s on now.”
    “Well, that sure was–”
    (3-23-12 last panel) KA-BOOM!

    Tuesday:
    “Hey! You kids over there! I don’t care how nice the weather’s been lately, it’s nowhere near Fourth of July yet! Put away the fireworks! NOW!”
    “Thanks, officer. Now, about my clie–”
    (3-23-12 last panel) KA-BOOM!

    Wednesday:
    “What was– Oh, jeez, I really hate when Crankshaft starts his grill every year! (Pause) Anywa–”
    (3-23-12 last panel) KA-BOOM!

    Thursday:
    “…..Excuse me.”
    “Wow, that was sure rude, ma’am officer! I don’t care what you were eati–”
    (3-23-12 last panel) KA-BOOM!

    Friday:
    “OMIGOD, THAT WAS COMING FROM THE HOUSE!” (they run in)

  33. Marc
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    9CL- Because taking a goddam pregnancy test would be too easy right? Not enough drama in it eh McE?

    Funky- “How dare you speak to me that way! You don’t see me bringing up your past, like how you looked like Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction when we first met.”

    Mark Trail- How is a movie with 20 minutes of footage showing a blind dog stumbling around the woods going to make Tommy rich? Who are they going to market it too and how? Even if Steve McAscot director guy manages to make that into some sort of motion picture, who is actually going to buy it? I know this was the inevitable ending all along but it still doesn’t make a lick of sense.

    Mary Worth- I like how one of the most expensive shopping districts in Santa Royale is set on the border of NYC and a Tibetan Jungle. Also, wouldn’t a drunk slob, spewing a profanity laced tirade, chasing a woman down the street raise a few eyebrows and perhaps some sort of intervention from other people in the area? Or is Nola the only one who can afford to shop there because she used to be poor but isn’t now?

    Luann- Ha, look at that Ann, not being able to force customers to buy things they don’t want. Haha what a bitch. She sure is getting what she deserves for making B wad work.

  34. Marc
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    New reality show idea: Batiuk, Evans, and McEldowney are all shipwrecked together on a deserted island. Who’s undeserved, smug sense of self superiority wins out and allows them to leave the island? I should pitch that idea, there aren’t nearly enough mind meltingly horrible reality shows on TV right now.

  35. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#16): Years back, my wife and I were sharing an apartment with a friend. All three of us were born and raised in the same region of Canada. One day after doing laundry he said he was going to get out the iron — pronouncing it “aye-ron” (like “ironic” without the “ic”). When we told him most people said it as “aye-ern” he looked puzzled and insisted that’s what he’d said. We then spent the next ten minutes repeating the word “iron” to each other, but he never could hear the difference.

    A few weeks later I said “entrepreneur.” He laughed and told me that wasn’t the way it was pronounced; it was “entrepreneur.” I heard no difference whatsoever. My wife confirmed his pronunciation and said it for me. I repeated the word, and they corrected me again. As with “iron” this went back and forth for several minutes. To this day I have no idea what the difference was.

  36. Big Bad Dave
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    “May cause drosiness”: Dinette Set saving money by getting Grade Three kids to do the cartoon, I see.

  37. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#33): “Funky- “How dare you speak to me that way! You don’t see me bringing up your past, like how you looked like Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction when we first met.””

    Hey, that’s really unfair to Samuel L. Jackson!

    Dinette Set: I am totally missing the supposed joke here. Can anyone help me out?

  38. Binder's Butter Beans
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    This morning, after I read “Family Circus,” I grabbed a pen and added to the end of it: “Or pants!”

    Great minds, Uncle L. :)

  39. Esther Blodgett
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m going to get a job in retail just so I can end all of my sales with “Enjoy your shopping…you lying *&@#%$!”

    FW: It’s not ironic, Cayla. It would be ironic if Batiuk hadn’t already retconned the old Bull out of existence. This is just…what’s the literary term?…stupid.

    C’shaft: I have a great pair of Altec Lansing speakers on my computer, and my digital music sounds amazing. Plenty of bass, beautiful midrange, not a hint of tinniness in the treble. Your argument is invalid. Also, if you ever lump me in with “everyone” as you define the universe, Batiuk, I will punch you in the face. Thank you.

  40. Dood
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: No, no, no, it’s “Ba-Zoom!” not “Ka-Boom!”

  41. Dennis Jimenez
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    BG&SS – I’da gone with “Selling meth.”

    Crock – How ’bout – “I’m here cuz I took a dump. Just for takin’ a dump? Well, I took it on his desk.”

    DS – A nanny cam – for the baby’s room? I was thinking the shower….

    FC – Walt Disney will kick her li’l ass from the grave – in court of course….

    JP – Hey Margo – Cop got your bun?

    S-M – Finally, the Asgard penal unit can get back there on the floor with their buffers – it doesn’t just happen by itself, people….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  42. Mark B.
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Look at all of that hair! Asgardian bedhead is the worst.

  43. Mark B.
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “30 minutes? There’s no way we can remove the wall manacles and the bed straps from the guest room in that time. Can you stall her?”

  44. Shrug
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#12):

    “Tales of Weenie World: These “customers” are all ringers. That’s the only explanation consistent with reality.”

    What is this “reality” of which you speak? We do not understand.*

    (*in the LUANN tongue)

  45. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#37): My read is that you’d wake up the sleeping baby by clapping to turn on the light. This, of course, ignores the fact that even with a normal light switch you wouldn’t turn on the light to check on a sleeping baby because turning on the light would wake the damned thing up!

  46. Shrug
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#18):

    “Crock: What happens is that “pens” becomes “penis”. Then, it just raises disturbing questions — esp. if one is a rabbi* with bad aim!”

    Which gives me the only excuse I needed to repeat the worst pun I’d devised within my recent memory, even though my first posting of it here a couple of weeks ago met with deafening silence: “As I said when I advised our local circumcision specialist against taking up writing philosophical essays in French, don’t make a Montaigne out of a mohel.”

  47. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#46): Days from now, homicide investigators will look back at this moment and say, “Yes, this was obviously the motive.”

  48. Dood
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Why are Lo and Viney (kill me now, please) wearing flower-filled slabs of dough on their heads?

  49. Anonymous
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith: Apparently Loweezy and Elviney were involved in some sort of hideous accident that severed the tops of their heads leaving their brains exposed and causing their tongues to hang out of their mouths.

  50. TheDiva
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#16): My beloved high school drama teacher Mrs. Fleming was of an opinion with your future ex-wife–”The men want a pin, not a pen” was one of her favorite annunciation exercises. After saying it so many times, I’m not sure I could pronounce the two identically if I tried.

    SM: I didn’t know there was a Norse goddess of Jazzercize…

    A3G: “Oh, cooking, cleaning, orally servicing your husband…you know, women’s work!”

    C’shaft: Batiuk’s such a rampant technophobe he can’t even bear to criticize anything that’s less than ten years old.

    FW: And I still don’t find this funny.

    Luann: TJ is a witch. Or possibly a demon–something with unholy influence over the minds of other beings. That’s the only reasonable explanation for this.

    MW: So apparently the problem was Mary didn’t shame Nola loudly enough.

    Pluggers don’t like their relatives and never go on vacations.

  51. Bootsy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Strange Comix Convergence Friday: I saw Allen Toussaint driving through my neighborhood this morning! Well, it’s his neighborhood too. But I had been singing “Fortuneteller”. And though it’s hard to tell what he was wearing (Bentleys have higher windows than my little car), the last time I saw him he was wearing a suit the exact color of Smithers’ in Mary Worth! Of course, he is never disheveled, and always perfectly turned out, and everything is coordinated, and I don’t think he’s a drunken profanity-spewing unemployed sales VP, but still!

    OK, my day started out fine. Except for the rain. Oh, and having to be at work. But I expect it to end with dinner at Dante’s Kitchen and the Malone Brothers at Tip’s, so there you are. Comix Convergence Friday! Or something.

  52. wossname
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    MT – Coming soon to a theater near you – “Butch the Old Blind Dog”! You’ll cheer as Butch wanders around a field! You’ll thrill as he bumps into things! And you won’t believe the heartstopping finale, as Butch bumbles up to an old cabin which happens to contain bank robbers! (7 minutes. Rated S for stupid.)

  53. Jasper
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MW- Nola- “Note to self: Shop in one of Santa Royale’s other most expensive shopping districts.”
    Where the hell is Santa Royale anyway. I thought it was somewere in California or other sub-tropical environment. Yet those buildings in the backround of one of SR’s most expensive shopping districts smack of an older metropolitan area.

    MT- Next week Mark will return to Lost Forest, eat pancakes, promise to take Rusty fishing, avoid any conversation with Doc, question all of the bills coming in from Dildo Inc., then desperately flee LF at the first sign of intimacy from Cherry.

  54. wossname
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#51): Ooh, I had dinner at Dante’s Kitchen last week. Damn it was good! You’re making me want to go back to NOLA.

  55. Mibbitmaker
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Curtis: What if you eat stupid?

    Garfield: From the looks of things, the entire strip isn’t feeling well.

    FW: ….because then we’ll all be reminded of how good the strip used to be, and nobody wants that, right, Tommy? (Okay, FW 1972-4 book and its first few upcoming sequels notwithstanding…)

    MW: Well, that was awfully darned nice of him…

  56. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Garfield: Color monkies on acid.

  57. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Muffaroo Watch: 1020 days since the [Old Man] checked in.

    As Publius Vergilius Maro (October 15, 70 BC – September 21, 19 BC), usually called Virgil or Vergil in English, put it:

    Gloom, despair, and agony on me
    Deep, dark depression, excessive misery
    If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all
    Gloom, despair, and agony on me.

    It’s even sadder when you translate it from the Latin.

  58. Austria
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    BGSS: I’m starting to notice a pattern in the comics. It goes a little something like this…
    >Something like elections happens…election jokes!
    >No longer relevant, back to ripped jeans jokes.
    >Some new piece of technology comes out, joke about it for weeks on end
    >No longer relevant, back to ripped jeans jokes
    >Texting/cellphone jokes (variant: Kids These Days jokes)
    >Ripped jeans jokes
    >Twitter jokes
    >Ripped jeans jokes
    Repeat ad nauseam (emphasis on the “nausea”).

    H&L: Case in point.

    PBS: This is exactly the way I’d respond to angry letters if I were a cartoonist. Man alive, Pastis is the best.

  59. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): Is that from the Vulgate?

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    CdS: *groan*

    Lio: d’awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

    NAoQV: uninstall? I can do that, Dave. . . .

    R&R: d’awww. *gooddoggiegooddoggiegooddoggie*

    Zits: torso fail.

    Bizarro: meta fail.

    PMP: almost funny.

    Pluggers: why take pictures? the cars are all still out on the lawn . . .

  61. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Austria (#58): By George, I think you got it!

    And you can be a cartoonist.

  62. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#46):…Montaigne out of a mohel. Ok. Yes. By Grabthar’s Hammer, I did see it and I groaned. I should have said so. I groaned again today. Are you happy now?

    // Groan for the man, Mortimer!

  63. Lenoxus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Despite my interest in phonology and accents, I’d forgotten about the pin-pen merger! (For the record, I live in central Pennsylvania but have more of a General American accent.) More information can be found on the Wikipedernet.

    It’s still weird for the Crock guys to use the word “spell” though, but Crock being pointlessly weird is no surprise.

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#59): No, ’twas the Ill-he-had.

  65. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): Okay. Now I’m groaning.

  66. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#y132): PBS – Hey, don’t be blaspheming the cheese, Goat.

    Yeah, blaspheming the cheese can get you a bloody nose, Goat:

    http://springhill.wtsp.com/news/crime/110049-man-jailed-after-argument-brother-over-cheese

  67. John C Fremont
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    GT – “Get it? Shortstop! Look! Look at my hand! It’s a visual gag! Short. Stop. Shortstop! Hee-hee-hee! Oh, here in Milford, the laughs just keep on coming!”

    RMMD – Each night before bed, Rex likes to plunge his face in a big bowl of glycerin. It keeps his coat shiny, and keeps his face, well – like that.

    A3G – What park? Gorky Park? MacArthur Park? Are there cakes all over the place that were left out in the rain and we have to waltz around them all? Or Needle Park? Is there a panic? Is Pacino still there? Or South Park? Are you the bastards that killed Kenny? Hey, we’re getting in a rut!

    MT – And by “movie,” he means a short film to be screened at the Springfield Film Festival right before Man Getting Hit By Football.

    JP – I think it was on The Carol Burnett Show, (or maybe Sonny and Chaer) where there was a musical sketch involving Nazis and a parody of the old Crew Cuts song that went, “Ka-boom, ka-boom! Rat-a-tat-ta-a-tat-tat-a-tat-tat…” Now that had ‘em laughing out loud in Milford.

  68. Dennis Jimenez
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#46): The penis mightier than the sword. Kent Brockman….

  69. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#63): Pin-pen merger: In the chart, I understand the southeast U.S. being purple. But I like the spot in California in the Bakersfield area because of Ozark migrants. Now I know why my late brother in law always said he was from California instead of Bakersfield and when pressed where in California he was from he would reply “near Los Angeles.”

  70. Little Guy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): I prefer it in the tongue of the Bleacher Bum.

  71. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#35): There are theories that if you don’t hear certain sounds as an infant, some brain channels aren’t created and you will never be able to hear them. Like Japanese cannot distinguish between “L” and “R”. Don’t know if that has anything to do with it, praise Cthulhu.

  72. John C Fremont
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#67): “Cher.” There. Corrected that little typo. Now no one will be any the wiser.

  73. Ned Ryerson
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Puh-lease, Rex! You didn’t remember?! As if you don’t always pick up a few shifts go-go dancing at The Pelt Room everytime the Shriners are in town for a convention.

  74. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#65): And thank you for the straight line! (I was praying.. please, someone..)

  75. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    never going to let you go.

    Catholic otter.

    meanwhile, in Japan.

    Harley Quinn art. (features Most Common Superpower.)

    He speaks for the science.

    draw me like one of your French otters.

    The Daily Puppy is a handsome Chessie.

    Pudge as the Easter Bunny.

    Happy Sundog.

  76. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#74): Ah, the power of prayer. Yet somehow I feel…used.

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#74): I still respect you. Praise Cthulhu.

  78. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    If April is done with that shotgun, can I borrow it? The two woman next to me at the coffee shop have been talking nonstop for two hours about family drama on Facebook, how their kids got knocked up and similar issues of Great Importance.

    GRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  79. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#34): add NS’s Wiley, and not let ANY of them leave the island?

  80. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    I was just walking by one of our conference rooms and there was a big stuffed Dogbert in there. I have no idea what’s happening.

  81. Señor Tortilla
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Cleve Barrister (#31): Given that this is the same strip who can’t even decide the age of the assistant coach who helped the Lady Scapegoats win the state Girl’s Basketball tournament, I’d say retcons are not Batiuk’s strong suit.

  82. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#79):
    Batiuk would say, “I’ll write us off.”
    McEldowney would say, “I’ll draw us off.”
    Wiley would say, “I’ll philosophize us off.”
    Evans would say, “huh?”

  83. Fiercebadrabbit
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Oh, Archangel’s always been a WASP. True of all the early X-men. Their sins against diversity are why they’re forced to repeatedly atone with cameos in newspaper Spiderman.

  84. Q. Pheevr
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    “Patchin’ all them poor gals’ pants!”

    Nope, sorry, Uncle Lumpy, that doesn’t do anything for me.

  85. Bop517
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    In FC, is Jeffy going to be the next Houdini? I think he has double jointed shoulders. Learn something new every day, I guess.

  86. odinthor
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#69):

    “Near Los Angeles”? Awp! That was a giveaway that he wasn’t from near Los Angeles. Near-Los-Angeles-ites would say, “Near L.A.” We of greater L.A. recommend that those from Bakersfield identify their location by stating that they come from between Shafter and Arvin. We recommend that because it’s just silly to say that you’re from between Lerdo and Bena.

  87. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @odinthor (#86): Well, it’s a local thing for you but back East no one really cares. Near L.A. or Los Angeles is anywhere in Southern California.

  88. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    JP: Man, that sounded like the 12-gauge. To paraphrase The Princess Bride, There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to splatter Monique’s all over April’s comfy chair.

  89. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Q. Pheevr (#84): You’re right. While funny, the “pants” thing doesn’t always work.
    Like in B.C.: “He was putting in his pants!”
    or Blondie: “People kept telling us what they thought about our pants.”
    or Curtis: “They rag on you if you eat junk, and they rag on you if you eat your pants.”

    Hmmm. I may have to rethink this.

  90. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#88): Not to mention ruining a perfectly good comfy chair.

  91. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#90): A dual tragedy!

  92. Dale
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Luann

    Two differences -

    TJ tells his customers what they want, and they’re stupid.
    Ann asks, and this guy is a grownup.

  93. odinthor
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Great Cæsar’s ghost! Is Darkgate down again? Bah!

  94. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#45): That sounds right. I should have thought of that, but it resides so close to zero on the comedy meter that it simply didn’t register with me. “Hah! She’d have to clap and wake the baby! Hilarious! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” No, sorry. I hear Jaye P. Morgan banging that gong right now. Next up, Gene, Gene the Dancing Machine!!

  95. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Cul de Sac: Wait. Was that a pun? Do they do puns in Cul de Sac? Who’s doing Cul de Sac this week?

    As puns go that wasn’t all that bad, but still…

  96. greghousesgf
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    “unisex hot water bottle”?? the HELL??

  97. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#94): I read that Gene, Gene the Dancing Machine (Eugene Patton) lost both legs due to complications with diabetes. So sad.

  98. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#96): That and “Baby’s First Chemistry Set” are actually better jokes than the main joke. It’s like one of those times when you have some amazing unknown, like an as-yet-undiscovered Jimi Hendrix opening for some lame flash-in-the-pan pop band.

    One day “Clapper on the Baby’s Overhead Light” will be appearing on the joke version of “What ever happened to…?” and all anyone will remember about it was that it featured both “Unisex Hot Water Bottle” and “Baby’s First Chemistry Set” back before they were famous.

  99. Uncle Lumpy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#98):

    Like Barry Wilkins opening for Cuss Skunk.

  100. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#97): As Alanis Morissette might say, if she knew what the hell “irony” was, “Isn’t that ironic?” Gene was so goofily earnest and funny with his dancing. It’s a shame that happened.

  101. Hart of Johnny
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Glad to see I wasn’t the only one who didn’t get the “Dinette Set” joke.

  102. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#99): Cuss Skunk is going to be HUGE if he can stay off the booze and pills and not choke on his own vomit.

  103. Bootsy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#35):

    First observation: Don’t share an apartment (or friendship, or anything else, frankly) with people who correct your pronunciation.

    Second observation: It will help me sleep tonight if I imagine that all three of you were high during these conversations.

  104. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#93): Yeah, Darkgate’s acting up again. It may be time to get Nehemiah Scudder to bless our computers.

  105. Ned Ryerson
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Dinette Set is a real thing? WTF?

    Where are “May Cause Drossness” and “Grease Trap” supposed to be printed? On the backs of some headrests of whatever those foreground people are sitting on? And what does “Find-it: ‘Light Bulb’” signify? Is this an interactive game feature of the comic? And those cankles! I repeat, WTF?

  106. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#103): Have you ever really looked at your iron? I mean really looked at it?

  107. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#102): Oh. Is it time for Cuss Skunk songs again?

  108. Government Cheese
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: Smithers probably has some expensive tastes as well since he’s hanging in the high-end part of town. Maybe he’ll a pilfer an espresso or a petit four before heading over to Hobo Beach for his tan and BMs.

    Luann: Ann should know better than to try to upsell to a trucker; those guys are used to fixed prices and he only probably went to WeenieWorld because the Flying J was too far. He was bluffing though about the Starbucks – his 18 wheeler would never fit in the parking lot.

  109. Uncle Lumpy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Re: Dinette Set — a while back, a fellow commenter called me out for ragging on this strip, claiming that Julie Larson was a comic genius with a gift for identifying and skewering a particular brand of Midwestern fatuousness. So I fired up the Wayback Machine and read 90 days’ worth at one sitting.

    He was absolutely right: once you figure out who the characters are and give in to its odd vignette-by-vignette rhythms, Dinette Set is freaking laugh-out-loud hilarious. It was a terrifying experience, and I’m never doing it again.

  110. Tom
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    DS: I can’t tell which is worse, the writing or the drawing. Seriously, this makes Six Chix look like Calvin and Hobbes. How does crap like this get on gocomics.com when there are so many talented comic artists who can’t get syndicated?

  111. Shrug
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#28):

    “I really hope you’re not divorcing your wife over this issue. Myself, I think they are pronounced differently.”

    I agree (with both the different pronunciation and the inadvisibility of divorcing spouse over it).

    Now, if spouse were to throw out your perfectly good cd player (or cassette player or turntable or whatever) without warning you and to insist that you must only listen to music the way “everybody” else does “these days,” that would be perfectly fine grounds for divorce (and possibly for justifiable homicide).

  112. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#109): Bravest endeavor I’ve heard all week and you still maintain your sanity.

  113. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#107): Grrr! @*^#^!

  114. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#113): Can you do that in E-flat?

  115. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    We knew this already because of Archie’s AJGLU 3000.

  116. Shrug
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#107):

    “Oh. Is it time for Cuss Skunk songs again?”

    Only if we get to do “doo-dah” songs again too.

    “Full fathom five thy father lies,
    Doo-dah, doo-dah,
    Those are pearls that were his eyes,
    Oh de doo-dah-day!”

  117. The Ridger
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    MT: The publicity from Steve’s movie? What? Are you telling me this thing is ready to go? No post-production? Somehow I don’t think local cable access is what Tommy and poor old blind Butch need.

  118. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#116):
    Cuss Skunk songs are good to hear
    Doo-dah, doo-dah
    Sounds better while drinking beer
    Oh de doo-dah-day!

  119. Ned Ryerson
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
    Cuss Skunk!
    Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
    Cuss Skunk!
    POW!
    BIF!
    PFFFT!

  120. Shrug
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#40):

    “Judge Parker: No, no, no, it’s “Ba-Zoom!” not “Ka-Boom!” ”

    “Where’s the Ba-Zoom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering Ba-Zoom!”

  121. Anonymous
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Here in Asgard
    When things looked shaky
    Wakey, Wakey
    Eggs and bac-ee!

  122. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#119): Ha! I’d love to see Batman and Cuss Skunk working together.

  123. Ned Ryerson
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    The Asgardians are all waking up and they’ve all been visited by the hair fairy. You know, the one that puts hair in your mouth while you sleep!

  124. The Ridger
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#16): Ummm. It’s a well-known feature of about a quarter of the country’s dialect – most of the south, up into Indiana and Nebraska, and out to Oklahoma, with a good solid spot in California. It’s even called the pin-pen merger. But by the same token, most people in the US don’t have it.

  125. The Ridger
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#124): Dang, I managed to read right over the previous wiki link. Sorry, Lenoxus.

  126. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    When in disgrace with Fortune and men’s eyes, doo-dah, doo-dah…

  127. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#123): There is no hair fairy!

  128. A Smirch Unheeded
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#104): @odinthor (#93): Yeah, Darkgate’s acting up again. It may be time to get Nehemiah Scudder to bless our computers.

    Don’t you think the Reverend First Prophet has better things to do, trying to establish a theocratic dictatorship and all? You think that’s easy?

    Ok, ok. I’ll ask him.

    // There. Should be ok now.

  129. Marc
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#79): Ahhh a twist. I like it. That’ll be the big reveal at the end of the show. After all those hard months trapped on the island, trying to out-smug one another, it is revealed to the contestants that nobody likes them and the viewing public voted that they all stay stranded. The host then takes off in his helicopter and nobody is subjected to their awfulness ever again.

  130. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#127): Ah, but there is!

    But not like Ned described.

  131. Ned Ryerson
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    I suspect that the pin-pen merger is responsible for the practice of referring to a pen as an “ink pen” here in the south, as a way of distinguishing between the two. I used to be a little baffled as a kid (transplanted to the south at six) when kids would ask to borrow (okay, sometimes “borry” or even “lemme hold”) my “ink pen”. What other king of pen do I have, a hog pen?

  132. gnome de blog
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#16):
    When I was a junior in high school I sat behind a girl who said “pin” for “pen.” She had transferred in (to Oregon) from Fort Worth, Texas. I teased her unmercifully.

    My wife is from Houston. She has no trouble distinguishing between “pen” and “pin.”

  133. Marc
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#87): It’s sort of how people from New York City and Long Island refer to any other part of the state as Upstate. Not realizing that Western NY, Central, the Finger Lakes, Adirondaks among other regions are all very different. Of course as an easterner I’ve fallen into the trap of relating most of So. Cal with Los Angeles.

  134. commodorejohn
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Is Tommie going to give Nina her songwriting job?

    Crankshaft – Is this supposed to be funny? It’s not. It just makes me want to beat Jeff’s face into a bloody pulp even more than usual.

    DT – Uh, Fritz Ann, pointing a D battery at a projector doesn’t accomplish much. (And how’d you get it to spark?)

    DS – I’ll say this, “uni-sex hot water bottle” is the one single laugh I have ever gotten out of Dinette Set. Maybe they should’ve made that the joke.

    FW – I do. I’d love a week of flashbacks of Bull pounding Les’s backpfeifengesicht in. Problem is, the last time we had that flashback, Tommy B was retconning it away so that his darling self-insert wouldn’t have his delicate features marred. And that’s bullshit.

    JP – God dammit, not another sexy lady criminal gunned down!

    Liō – Yeah…too bad Bloom County never had any sequels.

    Mandrake – And now: Mandrake versus Mirror Spock!

    MT – Man, what do you even say to this.

    MW – So the consequences of framing someone for fraud are that…uh, they might shout angrily at you for a bit when they come across you downtown? Oh, be still, my beating heart.

    RMMD – “I also paid off the clerk to forget the reservation earlier, but hey, that’s how we roll.”

  135. Mark B.
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#105): There’s something like a light bulb on the sleeve of the guy in the upper left of the frame, but I prefer to think it’s a shield, and he’s a cop that got sent to investigate a noise complaint and he’s there to bust up the party.

  136. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#120): “Where’s the Ba-Zoom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering Ba-Zoom!”

    On the other hand, “Barsoom” is more Mars-shattering than “Ba-Zoom”:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barsoom

  137. The Ridger
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    B&C: Sure, I’ll try. “‘Ineffable’ means ‘undefinable’.” And the name of the first baseman is ‘Who’.” This isn’t funny, but again, it’s not hard.

  138. The Ridger
    March 23rd, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#131): Also for “straight pin”.

  139. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    1020? What base are you in?

  140. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    I, the most amazing Dr. Crazyfungus, better known to you mere mortals as Llywellyn Giberellin,using my wonderful Smirkometerand its Snark Index, declare that the purportedly missing O.M.Mufaroo, gone these 20 days/base 7, is none other than…
    .
    .
    .
    Nehemiah!
    Confess

  141. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#98):

    It’s like one of those times when you have some amazing unknown, like an as-yet-undiscovered Jimi Hendrix opening for some lame flash-in-the-pan pop band.

    Hey! Be careful there, or I’ll put you on the last train to Clarksville, and the next time anyone sees you, you’ll be floating down the river with a saturated liver.

  142. Fashion Police
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Heavenly days! Is Miss Wolvenson wearing white shoes??

    We are not such a stickler about the “no white shoes before Memorial Day” rule, but white shoes with the violet suit is not so easily forgiven.

  143. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#140): Numerology. The cause and the solution to all life’s problems.

  144. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#103): We enjoyed correcting each other’s pronunciation in much the same way ‘Mudgeons here enjoy nitpicking with each other. And sad to say, we weren’t high. It was a dry time for that — but a good time for quality wine and good food, though.

  145. worried volvox
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    #140 fungus- more likely, he’s really Dan Smithers
    And unless Nola is PG, she’s been eating a dozen bags of doritos every day.
    That would make hers “the face that lunched on a thousand chips”

    Now if we just knew what happened to the elusive Higgs Boatswain!

  146. tallyHO
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57):

    In Latin, how do you conjugate “Whooooooaaaaa!”
    ?????????

  147. Jasper
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#132): But the important thing is that she got the hell out of Texas.

  148. Shrug
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#133):

    In Minneapolis “uptown” is a couple of miles southwest of downtown, and the streets and avenues titled as “Southeast” are northeast of downtown.

  149. tallyHO
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#102):
    Aren’t you thinkin’ ‘bout Mama Cuss Skunk?

    For every season, run, Curtis, run!

  150. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#147): It’s been my experience that no matter how nice a place is to visit I’m always glad to get back to Texas.

    Then then again I like falling out of trees.

  151. Jamoche
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#39):
    Plus one of the complaints about overpriced Monster headphones is that they boost the bass, because that’s supposedly what “everyone”[*] wants to hear.

    *For a definition of “everyone” that includes “is suckered in by Monster’s advertising”.

    @Shrug (#120):
    No ba-zoom today. Ba-zoom tomorrow. There’s always a ba-zoom tomorrow. Ba-zoom, sooner or later. BA-ZOOM!

    DS: Baby’s first chemistry set and baby’s first makeup kit. Sigh.

  152. tallyHO
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#142):

    “Is Miss Wolvenson wearing white shoes??”

    Maybe she has a Heavenly waiver because Nina is Pure of Sole.

    Or, because she’s really good at faking being like that.

  153. John C Fremont
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#121): I would imagine that even a Norse god in a Guy Fawkes mask would crap his pants if he woke up with Michael Madsen in his face doing that “Wakey, wakey” line.

  154. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Just a reminder that there are no Comments of the Week on my watch — look for them when Josh gets back Monday.

    – Uncle Lumpy

    That’s if Josh has bothered to read the blog this week. Hey, he’s on vacation.

  155. A Smirch Unheeded
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#139): Very good! That would actually be 1100 days, now wouldn’t it? I should stick with Roman numerals, what I was reared on.

  156. Cal
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#5): Yes, there’s also the “after-acquired knowledge” doctrine, which states that if the employer later learns of employee misconduct that would have lead to termination, the termination is then justified, even if the original reason for the firing was illegal. I’d say that public drunkenness and threatening a former co-worker are sufficiently grave misconduct to justify termination for a VP.

  157. Dood
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox’s newest arch-criminal: Cuss Skunk.

  158. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#139): As my friend Mr. Unheeded put it so well at #155.

  159. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#158): By the way, Darkgate is working again. Thanks.

  160. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#152): She probably fakes a lot of other things, especially with the Prez.

  161. Cal
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#12):
    Re: FW: No, not revising his revisionism — just proving that neither Bull nor Les cared enough about Summer to tell her the truth: that sometimes even children make mistakes and do terrible things. That sometimes those mistakes are even fatal to other children. That their youth and the pain that bullies may themselves be suffering doesn’t excuse it or justify it. And that, sometimes, those children grow up, learn from their mistakes and their pain, and learn to forgive each other and move on. Now THAT would have been parenting — or coaching, for that matter. Instead Les and Bull fed Summer some line of cowardly bull**** about “Coach took care of me.”

  162. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#140): I don’t think my esteemed friend Muffaroo would be flattered by the comparison. But we both know Lotsa Stuff, let’s ask her!

  163. Ned Ryerson
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Here come ol’ Cuss Skunk
    He come oozin’ up funky
    He got holy &@%*balls
    He one acrid stankbomb
    He gots swears down to a T
    Got to spray that Curtis
    &@%*in’ son of a B

  164. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#159): Thanks, but I was busy. That was Deacon Smirch. I don’t know how he did it, as I thought his only superpower was the ability to predict the endings of Anthony Trollope novels.

    // He really can, you know. It’s, well, uncanny. Praise Cthulhu.

  165. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 23rd, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Cal (#156): Public drunkenness and threatening former coworkers are Modus operandi for VPs, not reasons for termination, everywhere I’ve worked.

  166. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#140): Now, serious, OMM has been gone twelve days (base ten), so that would be 15 days base seven, right?

    What is base seven called? Septic?

  167. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#164): The Deacon’s got the Jazz going.

  168. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#146): @Nehemiah Scudder (#57):

    In Latin, how do you conjugate “Whooooooaaaaa!”
    ?????????

    As you can only conjugate verbs, I will have to decline that.

  169. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#167): What’s that have to do with Face and the A-Team?

  170. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#169): One doesn’t have to be Hannibal Smith to have The Jazz.

  171. Cloudbuster
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#141):

    Hey Skunk, where you goin’ with that smell in your gland?
    Hey Skunk, I said where you goin’ with that smell in your gland?
    I’m goin’ down to stink up the @$#%@ Monkees
    You know I caught them tourin’ with another band
    Yeah, I’m goin’ down to stink up the !#$%@ Monkees
    You know I caught them tourin’ with another band!

  172. Uncle Lumpy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#165):

    Public drunkenness and threatening former coworkers are Modus operandi for VPs …

    Surely not in Sales, though!

  173. Geoff Peterson
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    But all jokes are improved by adding “pants” to the punchline.

    In your pants!

  174. Gringo
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#166): Poor Muffaroo. I wonder if he has joined Judge Crater, Amelia Earhart, Jimmy Hoffa and Barney Google in the pantheon of the lost.

  175. Ned Ryerson
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#171):
    Suzie, Suzie Cuss Skunk?
    This is the voice of you consciousness, baby.
    Suzie, what the @$#%@’s got into you?

  176. G. Costanza
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Cal (#156): I’d say that public drunkenness and threatening a former co-worker are sufficiently grave misconduct to justify termination

    How about slipping a former co-worker a mickey? Or soliciting donations for the Human Fund?

  177. Esther Blodgett
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#163): *kisses Ned Ryerson on both cheeks, French-style*

  178. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    The other day, I saw him at the South Side Tabernacle, in Phoenix. I was reading He Knew he was Right. I asked the Deacon how it ended. He replied, “I can tell you, but are you sure you want to know? Once I reveal the ending, that becomes THE ending, and all other possible endings become nugatory.” I urged him to tell me, as I didn’t have time to finish the book. He said:

    Trevelyan receives word that Colonel Osborne has dared to visit Emily once again. While Osborne had not been permitted to see Emily, Trevelyan doesn’t believe it and has the boy taken away from his mother by deception; he takes his son back to Italy, where he descends further into madness. Eventually, he is tracked down by his wife and friends. Emily persuades him first to give her their son, then to return with her to England; he dies, however, shortly after their return. In his dying moments, Emily, asking Louis if she had been faithful to him, begs him to kiss her hand in agreement. Whether or not he does is unclear, but Emily believes “the verdict of the dying man had been given in her favour.

    And, in fact, that is exactly how the book ends. Amazing. Of course, Deacon Unheeded is only permitted to use this power for evil, so I had to promise to kick a small child at my earliest convenience.

  179. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#172): Especially in Sales. Middle management sales!

  180. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 23rd, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#46) said: “Which gives me the only excuse I needed to repeat the worst pun I’d devised within my recent memory, even though my first posting of it here a couple of weeks ago met with deafening silence: “As I said when I advised our local circumcision specialist against taking up writing philosophical essays in French, don’t make a Montaigne out of a mohel.”

    I may not be the best one to offer advice since I rarely make puns, but sometimes you can punch up the respunse by adding a rimshot, such as: Padumpun!

    Gets ‘em every time.

  181. Poteet
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

  182. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Crock: It’s even better if, like me, you thought the other guy was saying “Don’t you spell that ‘penis”?”

    S-M: Loki muffs a once-in-a-lifetime to fart in Thor’s face and emerge victorious.

    Curtis: Billingsley’s comic writing tips: When you can’t think of an original gag, dust off an old Polish joke and plug your preteen black protagonist into it.

    GT: You know that old “All in the Family” where Archie secretly takes little Joey out to be baptized? Well, I won’t blame Darby’s mother if she takes Jaxon to the records bureau and has the spelling of his given name changed.

    Popeye: Olive sucker punches Doomsday Doll in the back. She’s still a more gallant fighter than Gunther.

    Luann: TJ is selling blow from his register and padding his sales to cover the discrepancy, right? That’s the only explanation that makes any sense.

    C-Shaft: Jeff’s smugness reaches toxic levels. I didn’t even handle newsprint reading it, and I still had to wash my hands.

    MT: Yes, Mark, once anyone can figure out what exactly Tommy’s business is, he’ll be making money hand over fist.

    6C: Um, are all these cereal boxes supposed to be the size of a bodybuilder’s torso?

    FW: Les Moore: Thin-skinned prick? Or thinnest-skinned prick?

    Archie: “No, we’ll be reading the Book of Hours. These meetings are a lot more chill when we pass around a nice illuminated manuscript.”

  183. Anonymous
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#114): No, but I bet he could in D-Sharp.

  184. Poteet
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    MW — This story fundamentally makes no more sense than the story of Butch the Old Blind Hunting Dog, but at least we are clearly told where The Tale Of Nola is taking place. MW for the win.

  185. Mike Lukash
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    9CL I look forward to McE whimsical touch on Edda’s abortion storyline. It will be a secret from Amos until Seth blurts it out in a drunken night of male bonding. After getting free of the handcuffs, Amos will do a pratfall off of the Empire State Building.

  186. Calico
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#10):
    Yes, run, dear, as fast as you can, before they whiten you up even more and the depression really starts to sink in. Gaaaahh.

  187. Calico
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#179):
    OK, all, this is weird. I don’t know if springtime (esp. an early one for everyone, it seems) has anything to do with this stuff, but I just went to our nerby Metro grocery, where a middle-aged man in business dress sans jacket was in a remote area of the parking lot, doing these weird martial-arts movements by himself.
    At first I thought he was doing Tai Chi to chill, but it looked more and more like he was just fighting an invisible enemy or entity.
    He wasn’t harming himself or others, and he wasn’t in Jason Russell mode, so I didn’t call police or anybody-he’s not breaking any laws, but I find it interesting that I see this kind of “off-behavior” a bit more as the season changes. I hope he will be ok.

  188. Liam
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    JP-Damnit. Four attractive possibly large breasted women and no girl on girl action to distract us from the otherwise boring story.

  189. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s strip, today!
    JP— Everyone rushes into the house to find that April has “gone all Margo” on Monique, and has forced her to clean the bathrooms using this fine product.

  190. Calico
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#15):
    You know, you could do that with The National Enquirer, and 98% of th’ readership probably wouldn’t even notice.

  191. Calico
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#189):
    You guys are cracking me up today. Keep it up, dammit!

  192. Calico
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#56):
    Jeez, you’d think it would actually be pretty if they were. Looks more like ReFoobInc. coloring.

  193. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#39):

    MW: I’m going to get a job in retail just so I can end all of my sales with “Enjoy your shopping…you lying *&@#%$!”

    I used to work in retail. I managed to get away with that one four or five times before I got fired and ended my career in retail.

    Then after lunch…

  194. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#188): No big hooters, but I can show you a couple of little ones:

    http://news.yahoo.com/photos/orphan-baby-owls-find-new-home-slideshow/baby-owls-photo-1332437560.html

    (queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando will probably think he died and went to Hooter Heaven!)

  195. Gringo
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#188): Four attractive possibly large breasted women

    If my limited math skills are correct, that equals eight large breasts. Count me in.

  196. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#192): I just checked the link again and the mess is cleaned up. The sober color monkies did a fine overcoat. Just checked Darkgate. Yup, it’s cleaned up too.

  197. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    GA: Yet another pregnant story. I would never have thought that a maternity story line would involve Rufus.

  198. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    #166 Nehemiah- okay, I had counted 14 days. I’m going back to base PI.
    That will be a magnum leap.

    Okay, how about Higgs Boatswain, who, as #140 Volvox suggested, is also AOL?

  199. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    RwO: To quote Monty Python, “Bloody Fairy.”

  200. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Never mind, just received word that the elusive Mr Higgs is staying with his friend Mr Euler.
    He can be reached at 271-828-1828. That’s not Higgs’ number…
    Its…
    Its…
    Euler’s. (The polymathic Mr. Nehemiah already gnu that, however)

  201. commodorejohn
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#195): If my limited math skills are correct, that equals eight large breasts.

    Unless…has anyone alerted Manley to the possibilities of multiboobage? Not exactly plausible in a real-world setting, but then, when has Judge Parker ever conformed to reality?

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

  203. kkarenb
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    MW – So, for weeks Nola has been portrayed as an amoral, heartless, conscienceless bitch. Now Dan Smithers confronts her and she runs away. Wouldn’t she be more likely to laugh in his face and tell him to get lost?

  204. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: They let the color monkey trainee work on panel three. To make it easier they used the paint by number method.

  205. Little Guy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#189): The force of the explosion tore off the clothing from both Monique and April, aside from strategically placed remnants.

    Right?

    RIGHT???????

  206. This Guy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    A&J: More like programmer boredom is making great strides.

    DT: I shot a gun out of a man’s hand in Indiana, just to watch him… uh… drop his gun… Hm. Not quite the same, is it?

    Dinette Set: I think this feature is an exercise in anti-humor, essentially No Soap, Radio: The Comic. I’d advise against any attempts to “get” the “joke.”

    Mutts: Gosh, that sounds great, except for the part where one ends up covered in powdery, yellow tree jizz.

    PBS: I assume all those complaints were sent in by the guy who draws Frazz.

    Pluggers: …don’t know what words mean.

    @crazy fungus (#200): We may not know where Higgs Boatswain is, but his mass is around 125 GeV.

  207. gnome de blog
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#201):

    when has Judge Parker ever conformed to reality?

    Judge Parker always conforms to reality. However, it takes place in an alternate non-Euclidean universe.

  208. This Guy
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#200): Oh, also: do you have Avogadro’s number? He borrowed 12 grams of carbon from me last week and hasn’t returned it.

  209. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    #206 Guy- sorry, don’t know GeV time. The mass will be read for Higgs B. at 3:00 GMT

  210. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Oh, yeah… and if he borrowed 12 grams of something from you, it probably wasn’t CARBON ! Snark, snark, snark.

  211. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    There. Put THAT retort in your flask, Florence!

  212. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#208): Whatever Avogadro’s number is, I’m sure it’s constant.

  213. Dennis Jimenez
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#207): Much better breasts than in Bizzarro Superman world, though….

  214. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#205) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#189): The force of the explosion tore off the clothing from both Monique and April, aside from strategically placed remnants.

    Right?

    RIGHT???????”

    Riiiiight! Except for the strategically placed remnants. I hate strategically placed remnants.

  215. tallyHO
    March 23rd, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#168):
    Whoa! Hold on now! Stop right there, mister!

    (you are right. as used on the TV show HeeHaw, it was not a verb.)

  216. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 23rd, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#212) said: “@This Guy (#208): Whatever Avogadro’s number is, I’m sure it’s constant.”

    I looked it up. Actually, it’s variable.

  217. bbofun
    March 23rd, 2012 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#34): Just a small addition- NO ONE leaves the island. Then, we ALL win!

    Uncle Lumpy sez:” all jokes are improved by adding “pants” to the punchline”. Let’s try it out on BG&SS:

    “Patchin’ all them poor gals PANTS!”

    Nope.

    JP-So, was Monique “Boobs” Zatari wearing a bomb? “Cuz guns are loud, but not “KA-BOOM!” loud. Not even shotguns.

  218. bbofun
    March 23rd, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Just realized I was late to the snark about SURVIVOR: Ego Island. Apologies.

  219. commodorejohn
    March 23rd, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#217): So, was Monique “Boobs” Zatari wearing a bomb? “Cuz guns are loud, but not “KA-BOOM!” loud. Not even shotguns.
    That was the implants exploding.

  220. Chyron HR
    March 23rd, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#217): Cuz guns are loud, but not “KA-BOOM!” loud.

    Yeah, but it’s the right volume if you average it out with all those “silenced” guns in the movies that just go “fwwwip”.

  221. Zerowolf
    March 23rd, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    The Dinette Set does not appear in my local newspaper. I’m starting a petition drive to keep it that way.

  222. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#212): @This Guy (#208): Whatever Avogadro’s number is, I’m sure it’s constant.

    Then finding it should be easy as 22/7ths, approximately.

  223. bbofun
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#222): I see what you did there.

  224. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#222): Any way you slice it.

  225. Poteet
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#197): Oh, bleepity bleep bleep bleep. As soon as I read your comment, I thought “please, don’t let it be that Rufus The Offensively Stupid irresponsibly failed to neuter Kitty and she had kittens as a result.” And of course that is exactly the case. Thanks a lot, GA! Even to see cute cats, I will not start reading that dimwit strip again.

  226. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#217) said: “JP-So, was Monique “Boobs” Zatari wearing a bomb? “Cuz guns are loud, but not “KA-BOOM!” loud. Not even shotguns.”
    and
    @commodorejohn (#219) added: “That was the implants exploding.”
    but
    I say: She had her I.U.D. replaced by an I.E.D.

    Oh, what the hell: Padumpum!

  227. tallyHO
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    OK.

    The Dinette Set…it is in the Houston Chronicle/on that paper’s site.

    http://www.chron.com/entertainment/comics-games/comic/Dinette-Set/

    1) It looks like the one Uncle put up is smallish. The comic is larger on that site.
    Now, I know that means that it is more ugliness to see. But, it is more legible.

    2) It says “Find It-Light Bulb”. I went back a couple of strips and I’m understanding it right, there’s hidden items in that daily mess.

    On one hand, this strip makes the art of Where’s Waldo and Slylock look ingenious and divinely inspired.
    On the other….oh god. What is that spot? That spot wasn’t there…great. It is a bump of some….

    Oh, man. That’s some bad art though. There are hidden objects but it is hard to tell if they aren’t just bad details of other things.

    3)the only redeeming aspect of the strip is it is filled with morons. they aren’t the Hootin Holler type either. after a sampling of five strips they all seem like idiots.

  228. tallyHO
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    ^ Dinette Set. This isn’t a recommendation but just read the previous ones. Give it try. It’s tough to look at but it is kind of a funny read.

    Seriously. Just read every word.

  229. Alison
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Being badgered with a bunch of questions at a fast food place would indeed irritate many customers. That part of this strip is actually realistic. Congrats Evans. Except of course the people in this strip will only react like this to Ann, and never to T.J.

    “Barney Google et al”: This joke is probably recycled from 1991.

  230. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    More dinette sets, mule!

  231. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    So, a minister, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar, and none of them are wearing pants. The bartender, also not wearing pants, says, “The Aristocrats!”

    // What do you think, sirs?

  232. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    I believe that THE BABY will do the clapping when its somnambulant female parenting unit wanders into the proximity. Unless I’m reading the balloon with the wrong diagramming technique.

  233. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    #232 Nehemiah- but were they carrying slide rules?

  234. worried volvox
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    Is that a slide rule in your pocket, or are you… glad… to…
    Oops, never mind, no pockets

  235. tallyHO
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Sins-a-belt

  236. Sequitur
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#233): Only this type of slide rule.

  237. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#53): Where the hell is Santa Royale anyway. I thought it was somewere in California or other sub-tropical environment. Yet those buildings in the backround of one of SR’s most expensive shopping districts smack of an older metropolitan area.

    It’s an exciting new urban multi-use development in Santa Royale: Baroni Drive. Wealthy soccer player and entrepreneur Bobby Black developed it based on the mean clean streets of New York where he and the love of his life Gina rode skateboards, were happy, and didn’t know any other way to be.

  238. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#233): #232 Nehemiah- but were they carrying slide rules?
    Oh, damn, Mr. Ergot! I always forget to put that part in, and it ruins the whole joke.

    Ok, the minister (Universal Life Church) had a12.5cm Hemmi 149A with the coveted “Made in Occupied Japan” tag. The rabbi (Reformed) had a 25cm Keufel & Esser 68 1100 Deci-Lon, with a bad case of KERCS. The priest (Latvian Orthodox) had a Gilson 8 inch diameter circular rule, aluminum with two cursors. And the bartender (Reformed Latter Day Druid) had a Faber-Castell TR3 12.5 cm plastic slide rule with a LED electronic calculator on the back. And no pants.

    // I gotta say, that DOES make it a whole lot funnier!

  239. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#236): that is way cool!! Gotta get one!

  240. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#182):

    GT: You know that old “All in the Family” where Archie secretly takes little Joey out to be baptized? Well, I won’t blame Darby’s mother if she takes Jaxon to the records bureau and has the spelling of his given name changed.

    But what if Darby named her son after her favorite anime voice actor…
    Jaxon Lee?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaxon_Lee

  241. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    March 23rd, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    MT Yikes! Tommy’s gone all Neanderthal!

    MW Nola runs off into the park where she’ll meet more unsavory types and people she screwed over to remind her what a selfish bitch she is. It’s a regular Christmas Carol. Except it’s not Christmas. Or Victorian London. Or ghosts. There aren’t any ghosts.

    CS No, Jeff, they don’t. But Pam was stupid enough to marry you, so she’s stupid enough to believe the lame things you say.

  242. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#231): I just got a call from some doctor named Rex. He wants to know where this bar is.

  243. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#242): Your doctor makes house calls? Anyway, the bar is in the southern part of the state, in a nearby city, in one of the more exclusive drinking districts. Oh doo dah day.

  244. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    #236 Sequitor- sequitor, sequitas, sequitat. One mighty fine slide rule! After a few attempts, I could
    probably use it to find SQRT(-1)

  245. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#226): Those are I.E. Double Ds!

  246. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    JP- looks like Sam needs to refill his Beano prescription ASAP

  247. Sgt. Stoned
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif: Ha-Ha. Hollywood gals! You can’t live with ‘em and you can’t live without ‘em!

    MW: Nola looks like she is about to tip over because her feet are stuck in concrete. And where is the gun-toting, trigger-happy “neighborhood watch” when you need them? Of course, Smithers is white…so they might give him a pass.

  248. commodorejohn
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#225): I’m more concerned about Kitty making sure that Rufus is neutered, really.

  249. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#244): That’s just imaginary, it’s not real, ergot, don’t be psilocybin’.

  250. cutty snark
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    So I’ve been reading this blog for almost a week. Are slide rules only in the Sunday funnies?

  251. crazy fungus
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy (named for his prowess at mashed potatoes)- you have served well and true this week, providing us with wonderful choices for our snarks, quarks, and flatulences. I don’t care that Baka said you eat shit sandwiches, I told him you didn’t like bread.

  252. Poteet
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#248): In terms of potential visual horror, yeah, I see your point. A baby Rufus would probably sear one’s eyeballs past recovery.

  253. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#251): It was spam sandwiches, silly. Uncle Lumpy loves spam, that’s why he keeps it all for himself.

  254. Poteet
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    S-M — Now that this strip has permanently scarred my brain with an ugly cheesy version of Asgard and the Norse gods, I’d like to know if the same operation has ever been performed by S-M on any other religious/mythical realm. Am I likely to ever see, for example, Saint Francis with bad hair and huge pecs, battling The Whiny Webby One? Or Vishnu? Or Coyote?

  255. Poteet
    March 23rd, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    MT — It’s good to know that we can soon look forward to seeing BUTCH THE OLD BLIND HUNTING DOG WHO FINDS QUAIL, SMELLY COATS, AND DIMWIT BANK ROBBERS at a local cineplex, along with THE HUNGER GAMES and JOHN CARTER.

  256. ElkMeadow
    March 24th, 2012 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    A shout-out to Pogo: Albert Alligator alert at Rex Morgan!

  257. crazy fungus
    March 24th, 2012 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    My bad. I ate a lot of spam as a kid, and I for one, STILL don’t like bread.
    thank you, oh Nehemiah. Mary Worth herself shall shine upon thee.

  258. Droopy Says
    March 24th, 2012 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Shut up, Spiderman, there’s plenty of time to kill Loki and get MJ back to earth. If not, well, removing MJ might make you slightly less boring, if only because you won’t have “rescue MJ” as a plot contrivance.

    Creepy Les: Christ, Dead Lisa, you are one controlling bitch. How many of those VHS tapes did you stockpile? And how much detail do they cover? “Now, Summer, I know you’re busy planning for your retirement, but it’s time for you to find a nursing home for your father, who is entering the late stages of Alzheimers now . . .”

    Mock Trail: They missed Trail? Geeze, he just left this morning.

  259. crazy fungus
    March 24th, 2012 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    KEUFEL UND ESSER- dang, I had forgotten what K&E stood for. That was toooooo long ago. Used to teach a class in that, even. Do you really have one that says made in occupied japan?

  260. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 24th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    FW Hari Seldon wept.

  261. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 24th, 2012 at 1:13 am [Reply]

  262. Uncle Lumpy
    March 24th, 2012 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#260):

    Les Moore is The Mule!

    No wait — he’s The Horse’s Ass.

  263. Mr. O'Malley
    March 24th, 2012 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    So many funny comments today!

    @Droopy Says (#258): Her maiden name was Seldon.

    @odinthor (#86): How about East Pismo Beach?

    @Uncle Lumpy (#109): Julie Larson and I are fellow alumni of the same institution. A while back the alumni magazine did a big spread on her and how she is popular because she skewers regional stereotypes or something like that. If I’d wanted to see those stereotypes skewered, I would have stayed in that region.

    @Ned Ryerson (#175): Talking about comics coincidences, when I was waking up this morning, the radio was playing the cover version of that song. Evidently Zappa covers were not a good career strategy…

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#182): Maybe the mother was a blues fan, and the kid was named after Frankie “Half Pint” Jaxon. It’s better than naming him “Half Pint”.

  264. This Guy
    March 24th, 2012 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#262): I would pay money to see a strip in which Dead Sainted Dead Lisa Dead Cancer Lisa’s tapes begin to prove increasingly inaccurate, leading Creepy Necrophiliac Les to have an existential crisis. Then he purges the town of the Second Foundation’s agents.

  265. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 24th, 2012 at 1:48 am [Reply]

  266. tallyHO
    March 24th, 2012 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    On BG/SnuffSmiff: what topping is on the ladies’ Easter Pizza Bonnet? I can see they look like personal pan Bonnets but it looks like pink cottage cheese.

    @Uncle Lumpy (#109):
    RE: Dinette Set

    http://joshreads.com/?p=531#comments

    I looked back to see what others said about earlier strips. The Chronicle site only had strips going back to February 23, last month. Oddly enough, one of two comics I see Josh commented on was from Feb 21st of 2006. That was the first instance on the CC site, as far as I can tell.

    From what I read in the comments, and in the upthread comments which I didn’t read earlier today, it takes a while to get the comic and it is making fun of certain types of people. Like Mr. O’Malley inferred on his behalf, I, too, have been around those people. It is like they live in their own bubble and flawlessly speak their own language and are completely unaware of any irony whatsoever.

    Years ago I met some people and sat astonished at the conversation that took place. One guy wanted to be trained by an older guy. He wanted to become a ninja. The older guy said he’d need to set up the equipment before the training could begin.

    The reason why kid wanted to become a ninja wasn’t because it sounded cool or any vacuous reason or fanciful reason or even a sensible (?) one that had viable alternatives. He did have a purpose in mind.

    He was going to take on the mafia. Why? Because a new pizza place had just opened up and he was convinced the mafia were behind it. A new fast food option in that town caused his blood to boil.

    When you listen to a conversation like that, watch the earnestness on their faces, you realize what it is like to be Slackjawed. With Dinette Set at least you can laugh at them without scornful looks being thrown your way.

  267. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 24th, 2012 at 2:06 am [Reply]

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