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Mega-bitchy Thursday

Apartment 3-G, 12/6/07

Oh, Margo! A single cutting remark from you sends my heart a-flutter more than any dopey six-week lead-up to Tommie getting to first base! And I’ve never loved you more than I do in today’s first panel. “Looking out for each other? Being loving and supportive in a family environment? That frankly strikes me as a lot of hassle. That’s why I alienate everyone who ever tries to love me — less work!” By panel three, Margo has adopted an expression of palpable scheming that’s equally hilarious. Many (including myself) have speculated that Margo will make Ruby her mule in her party-planning or art-displaying sweatshops, but now I think that our gal Magee is planning yet another career in the high-flying Manhattan service industry: she-pimp! “So, if Ruby was so happy to show affection to her family … for free … surely she’ll have no problem with showing affection … to strangers … for money!”

(Yes, I know that the English language already has in “madame” a perfectly serviceable word for a female who manages prostitutes. But I think the word “pimp” implies a certain callousness and propensity for violence that better suits Margo.)

Mary Worth, 12/6/07

Oh, Dr. Jeff, will you ever learn? You just got a response out of Mary that would allow you to extract some shred of dignity out of this conversation. Don’t push it. For the love of God, don’t push it. Mary’s comically exaggerated head-tilted finger-to-the-jawline contemplation pose is only going to end with her saying something blistering and humiliating.

For Better Or For Worse, 12/6/07

I actually kind of like Anthony’s “Are you going home?” question, because it implies that maybe, somehow, I know this is crazy, but just possibly two FBOFW characters who aren’t married and who aren’t terrible, awful whores might have sex! Oh, who am I kidding, they were just going to sit on the couch and chastely smooch on the lips. And those lips would be closed. And little Francie acted as an agent of a vengeful, pleasure-hating God of Foob and prevented even that. But it’s Anthony and Elizabeth and I don’t want anything good to happen to them anyway so I don’t really care.

Dennis the Menace, 12/6/07

So, wait, Margaret has a book lying around that’s essentially all about death? Maybe there’s hope for her yet.

Slylock Fox, 12/6/07

Man, you gotta feel bad for Count Weirdly. There are enough bizarre tchotchkes and strange animals in his lair to provide fodder for a scrambled word puzzle even if all he was doing was sitting around minding his own business and reading Famous Creeps. Instead, here comes Slylock and Max and some angry heron or something busting in to ruin his quiet evening with more wild accusations. Since there’s no mystery to solve, his crime is probably much more straightforward than usual — like, maybe he just exposed himself to her down at the park or something.

Garfield, 12/6/07

NEWSFLASH: COMICS CURMUDGEON CHUCKLES AT GARFIELD, QUESTIONS HIS WHOLE CONCEPT OF HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS

474 responses to “Mega-bitchy Thursday”

  1. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Garfield funny?
    Of course you could say that about any of the comics today.

  2. Calico
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Here we go, from yesterthread –

    #246 – Oh, yeah, Ruby can work for Margo, get occasional nights (or afternoons) off to shag Ari, and she’ll receive a cocaine bonus at the end of every month!

    MW – Mary, almost in her cups from two glasses of Pinot, starts to get testy…”Jeff, you idiot-don’t you know that the dog will always be in first place?”
    She’ll also be bringing home two pounds of fish from The Bum Boat, most of which she pilfered from Jeff’s plate when he went to the restroom.

    FC – Ah. Granma, she’s getting all Descartes and Heidegger on us and the little idiots. The big H is indeed the one thing that will get the little melon heads to finally pop like old grapes left in the sun.

  3. Calico
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    I found these for sale in a little deli/boulangerie in QC yesterday, and you too can give the gift of D’OH! This holiday season:

    http://www.cakedeco.com/cgi-bin/webc.cgi/st_prod.html?p_prodid=10222&p_catid=327&page=2

    Now I really need these folks to do Mary Worth character cookies. Like the way I want a Mary Worth snowboard. Which is real bad.

  4. Windier E. Megatons
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    I’m sorry, Slylock Fox expects kids to be able to come up with the word “hassock”? Has anyone under the age of 117 ever used that word instead of “ottoman” or at least “footstool”?

  5. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    You’ve got me thinking about whether ingratiating, desk-bound pimps should be called “boy-madams.”

    SFx: If the heron has any legitimacy, she may be a Humane Society rep here to rescue Weirdly’s malnourished snake. Believe it or not, I don’t mean anything sexual by that.

  6. Evan
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    I feel bad for the vampire frog. He’s been sitting under that candle for some time now, but it clearly still burns like the dickens.

  7. Calico
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    DtM – Well, they could put on the Supertramp album from 1983…

    SlyFox – “Famous Creeps” – I could go all politico-liberal and have a field day with this title, but then I’d just get sent to the Cockpit, where I would be all sad and remorseful and ashamed of myself. So I’ll just make my list in my head for my own amusement. : D

  8. Roger
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    The most awesome part of Mary Worth’s last panel is the waiter, who appears to be carrying around a whole fish on his shoulder. It’s a classy joint.

  9. Laura c
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    I’m sure someone has already mentioned this, but today’s RMMD has got me looped, as usual. Isn’t “the dark” exactly the time when you should make a run for it?
    And what’s going on in MT? Do they have liberal judges with low-bail policies in Lost Forest? Or is Frenchy enjoying a conjugal visit?

  10. Moon Mullins
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    That waiter in Mary Worth sure is talented! He can carry dirty dishes in his left hand, while balancing an entire largemouth bass by the ventral fin in his right hand!

    Perhaps he is about to toss that fish like a football straight into a deep-fat-fryer just off-panel stage left. Please let some of the splashed boiling oil smack Jeff in the ear as punishment for his begging favor with Mary, in the name of all men who have ever dated.

  11. Bunnë
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    4 W E Megatons
    My mother says “hassock”. And in spite of the fact that she raised me, it has always sounded weird to me.

  12. Chert the Chort
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    9CL: Here’s a COTW: Why the fuck is Edda with Amos? Anyone?

  13. FreshHell
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    It’s bad enough that Old Dr. Jeff looks like he’s in his first week at Budget Rehab. (Mary’s wine must be haunting him bitterly). Must he demean hinself by competing with a stray dog for the affections of an officious elderly woman who poses with her finger on her chin? And the pathetic whining!! For God’s sake, Old Dr. Jeff, pull yourself together! Try to summon up some small, pale shred of your bygone dignity!

  14. Bunnë
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth’s pose reminds me of high school senior portraits. God what an odd experience that was. “OK now smile; ok now tilt your head and gaze pensively; ok now smile and say ‘sex’ — ha! made you look stupid, you teenaged boy you!”

  15. pie
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    I had to look at that first FOOB panel carefully, I truly thought she was leaning in for an open-mouth kiss with Daddy. After that thought, Anthony and Liz getting friendly seems less horrifying.

  16. Chert the Chort
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Oh, and Mr Weber – nice use of “hassock” in today’s word puzzle. That’s a common word, right?

  17. Hooligan
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    That’s not wine Mary is drinking . . . it’s human blood!!

    (or the dog, who Dr. Jeff sacrificed in order to secure his masculinity)

  18. True Fable
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I believe with all my heart that Wimpthony is rolling his eyes in that last panel, because he realizes he has TWO spoiled girls to tend to.

    That’s what the moron gets for buying his three year old a bunk bed and letting her sleep on the top bunk without rails.

  19. Bri
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    I actually liked Garfield today too. I chuckled at the miniature Santa hat on the spider. Then again, I haven’t had my coffee yet.

  20. Foobaphobe
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    FOOB:
    Am I the only one who suspects, nay, more than suspects, that Anthony sleeps in the lower bunk? Creeped out yet, Fooblovers?

  21. Moon Mullins
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    4, 11: We say hassock in our house. Ottomans are for empires, not footstools.

  22. Chesnut
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox always seems to have a glazed look of wide-eyed vacancy in his eyes as he busts criminals and solves mysteries. There’s no expression of excitement or passion for his detective work. I think this could only mean one thing: he sold his soul to the Devil and now he’s stuck in a hell that forces him to solve menial pseudo-crimes for eternity.

  23. True Fable
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    #21 Moon Mullins: We say ‘dachshunds’. :P

  24. Spunky N. Tadpole
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    MT – # 9: Yeah, I was wondering what Marie was doing there, too: Maybe the Lost Forest Lockup does do conjugal visits, in which case Johnny will probably be needing to get another leaf for the dining-table in a few months!

    Maybe they’ll name him “Marc” or “Andre”, depending on whose detecting skills will get Johnny sprung from the slammer…

  25. Zaq
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Glad to see I wasn’t the only one perplexed by “hassock.”

    In other news, Margo is more awesome with every strip. Seriously. “This knife cuts well, doesn’t it?”

  26. p.
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    I sort of like how “child spider” is denoted by the old-fashioned stripy-propeller-beanie in Garfield, though it just suddenly struck me how odd that whole convention is. On a spider. I imagine Paws, Inc. trying all sorts of other random devices: tiny teddy bear, tiny spider lollipop, tiny yo-yo and slingshot and baseball glove hanging halfway out of tiny spider pockets…

    Could’ve worked without the forced shorthand with a larger parent spider and excited baby spider on the way to see Spider Claus, and then Garfield could wonder which knee the kid will sit on and wow I probably need to do some work huh. (But then again, maybe it was all improved by the propeller hat. Few things aren’t, I’m sure.)

  27. Tweeks_Coffee
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word hassock before today. If I had, I forgot all about it because I couldn’t come up with that to save my life. I would give you points for building vocabulary, Bob, but I didn’t look it up.

  28. BlinkAndItsOver
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Jeff, time to move, don’t let her complete that thought. Take it from me, you’ve got to get her away from the table. Not only do you not want to hear her parse the relative positions in her affections of you and Chester, but at the rate her wine glass (that she is playfully cupping to the waiter’s bum) is refilling itself, you’re gonna have a mess, pronto.

    Now’s the time to amble over to the Bum Boat’s juke box, drop a nickel in the slot, and glide her across the floor to the rhythms of one of the nation’s top dance orchestras. Believe me, buddy, that’s how they do it in the big town. I’ve seen it. This week, even.

  29. Joe Blevins
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    DTM: Please, “Dennis the Menace” zombies, consider doing a Winkerbean-style time jump ten years into the future where Margaret will be the smartest goth girl in her class, while Dennis and Joey are pimply potheads who spend their days scarfing down Funions and wearing out their Playstation 8. Alice Mitchell, meanwhile, has come to her senses, divorced her cloddish husband, and is living as an Anais Nin-type libertine in Europe.

  30. Dave
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    The pimptastic-ness continues with use of the word whore in FW, and, as pointed out in This Week in Milford, Marty Moon’s coat.

  31. Pozzo
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Do Margaret and Count Weirdly go to the same lending library. Next in the series: “Famous Creeps’ Last Words.”

  32. Muffaroo
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Smirky Smugbean – I see it’s already been commented on, but I think this is the first mainstream comic use of the term “whore,” metaphoric or otherwise. And I, for one, welcome our new comical potty-mouths. Or not. I’m kind of ambivalent, actually. I guess I’d be really into it if I was fourteen, or even twenty-four.

    But hey, in a couple of weeks, I won’t even be fifty any more! (And in an hour or two, maybe the server will allow me to post this comment.)

  33. ohyes
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    SlyFox today teases us with the mimed mystery. My guess:

    a) Harriet Heron says that Count Weirdly exposed himself to her in the park. The Count says that he’s been indoors, massaging his boner behind a book the entire time. How does Sly know the Count is lying?

    Answer: They all saw the Count run into the house just moments ago. (And there’s a puddle of water under his sneakers near the door.)

    “Well, Sly,” the Count replies, “I did take the garbage out, I forgot that for a minute, but being outside doesn’t prove that I exposed myself. Have you ever gone outside without exposing yourself, Sly?

    “I’ll ask the questions! says Sly. Damn. You live to commit crimes another day, Count Weirdly – this time! I mean, again!”

    “Besides, I was just showing the lady my snake,” the Count added as the detective slinked back out into the rain.”

  34. ScienceGiant
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Dilbert: Hmmm. Today’s launch of the space shuttle Atlantis has been postponed due to a sensor problem, just as the funny pages see the Grim Downsizer screwing around with the control panel. COINCIDENCE?!

  35. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I’d seen the word “hassock” before but honestly didn’t know what one was. So it’s a footstool? Even “ottoman” is a pretty silly word. I think the last time people used the word “hassock”, kids actually wore those propeller beanies on their heads the way the spider kid is.

    Speaking of Garfield, I also thought Shaved Garfield, aka Marvin, was funny today.

    And do you think “Famous Creeps” and “Famous Last Words” are put out by the same publisher? [Edit: After previewing, I see Pozzo scooped me at #31.]

  36. troutmaskreplica
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    At my job at the local university’s Cartoon Research Library (such a thing exists!) I usually get to see the syndicate proofs for comics that will be running at a later date – people are often surprised to find out that the comics are finished sometimes months before they actually appear in the paper.

    Anyway, when I saw the advance proofs of Mary Worth and I realized just how long this Chester storyline was going to go on, I wept for humanity.

  37. BigTed
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Say what you will about “Dennis the Menace,” the back of that book has the coolest-looking portrait of Abe Lincoln ever.

  38. queek
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    I would just like to point out that today’s GA features multiple uses of [Saturn!]

    No usage of [Margo] or [Boxcar!], however.

  39. Spunky N. Tadpole
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    # 22 – I disagree, Chesnut: I think Slylock’s “look” has a lot to do with a fact I noticed about his drawn-ness: he doesn’t (unlike his girlfriend Tiffany, I noticed) – have a well-defined mouth. And mouths (even those on cartoon foxes) are important in conveying expressions: it’s a lot harder to do with just eyes alone.

    Director Nick Park made comments to this effect in a video I saw about the making of his Wallace and Gromit movies. Gromit also developed as a fundamentally mouthless character, and Nick had to work extra-hard to make him fully expressive using only eye movements, eyebrows and, occasionally, ears.

    Of course, Gromit presented the additional issue of being actually three-dimensional: something of which no one could ever accuse Slylock Fox!

  40. Moss_Moses
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    So much for Mary Worth finally accepting Doc Jeff’s desperate marriage proposal. I can’t figure out why he doesn’t wise up and move on. Mary Worth treats him worse than a dog and he’s not fixed like Chester so he still has carnal urges that she will never fill. The way his amazing whew Drew son attracts women like stink to poop, you’d think Doctor Cory the elder would do well for himself on the senior circuit. I’ll admit he’s a pompous platitudinarian but he is a doctor and a wealthy bachelor and that should be enough to at least pick up a selkie down at the wharf or maybe a destitute alcoholic at the Santa Royale Womens Shelter.

    So Mountie, I’ll let you know when I solve the crime. You sit tight and eat dounts, okay?

  41. Rebochan
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Wow Josh, I’m impressed you didn’t comment on the sheer mind-blowing power of Funky Winkerbean introducing the word “whore” to the comics pages. That must have been hard,

  42. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    I suppose SOHAKSC is what happens when you’ve done umpteen-thousand word scrambles for kids and you get tired of BETLAs and HARICs.

  43. odinthor
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    12. Chert the Chort. — I think it has to do with, well . . . in the words of a 1912 song by Chris Smith and Cecil Mack: “…Just crazy ’bout that wonderful thing, that beautiful thing, that sweet little thing, that precious little thing called Love!” These things happen…

  44. Meanwhile
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Garfield: I really do not see a joke here. It’s not as if you wonder which knee a human child sits on when they visit Human Claus. If you are only giggling at the mental image of a Spider Claus, this strip could have stopped at the first panel.

  45. Niall
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Of course, I come in right at the end of yesterthread. I won’t repeat my snark, I’ll just point to it instead!

    Hunh, seems I’m in a minority for laughing at BC today. But AhClem is not bad company. :)

    yesterthread:

    213. TB Tabby: Um, nope, no loli on Lily here. I’m not even sure in ten years’ time. (Give her twenty more years, and she’ll devastate more hearts than even Cassandra. WIthout even wanting to.) Your PBS comment was perfect, though.

    214. tynic: they two can just meet after being kidnapped for some zoo. Obviously they’ve never met each other. Good call on the monotreme, though, I didn’t read the dialogue closely enough.

    229. ltrftp: Trust me, I have nothing against Macs! But for various reasons (two main ones being piece-building and compatibility) I went with PCs. Note that I’m sticking with 2000, so I’m not a slave to MS. :)

    250. gh: beautiful.

    Tothread:

    Frankly, I wasn’t sure if this was actual humour in Garfield – it’s been so long, the concept just couldn’t parse through my brain. Something felt.. different.

    33. ohyes: also beautiful. I can’t snark like that…

    I’m also getting major problems with the comments not loading today…

  46. Girl Reporter
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Please be sure to use a trivet when placing something hot on your hassock.

  47. js
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    The humiliation in Mary Worth doesn’t come from the impending quip, but from the obviously mocking deranged look that she has.

    “Hmm, let me think about it,” she says, in an affected mongoloid voice, crossing her eyes. “What do you think, stupid?”

  48. Laura c
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    The Las Vegas Review Journal has an article on serious topics in comic strips:
    http://www.lvrj.com/living/12197881.html
    The Pope is quoted extensively. Oh, Josh, did you really rhyme “Funky” and “clunky,” or is that just bad editing on the part of the RJ?

  49. D.A. Pennington
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Today’s FOOB: Do you have some tongue for daddy?

  50. Lindsey
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Jeff’s obvious horror at last week’s near-scare is apparent. In fear that Mary is about to spout off her usual round of platitudes he looks to end the subject as quickly as possible. Obviously dying of an asthma attack due to Mary’s demonic dog is better than listening to her lecture him on the importance of sharing love and helping others (because Jeff doesn’t know a thing about sacrificing to help others, amirite?). He is obviously about to take on a new tactic – using his mad internet skillz to find Chester’s owner and quickly remove the possessed canine from the apartment. Maybe Rita needs a new dog.

  51. Sans Sense
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    In college we made up a word called “Fardo”. Fardo is the feeling of extreme embarrassment for another person. I have a huge case of fardo for Doctor Jeff. Cowboy up fella.

  52. Edward
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    “Agent of a vengeful, pleasure-hating God of Foob” would make an excellent t shirt, Blandthony’s face from panel 5 placed slightly off-center. Also? Bunk beds because the child needs storage for her sense-of-self.

  53. chumley
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Hmm, I just thought the waiter in Mary Worth was wearing the world’s worst tie.

    There certainly seems to be an inordinate amount of candle wax drippings in Slylock- on the face of the purple thing, on the head of the spider, on the head of the vulture. Wait…dear God, that is candle wax, isn’t it?

  54. Sans Sense
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    “Go and WAIT on YOUR daughter.” Wow, Liz way to show what you think…

  55. Calico
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Up here with the Mounties and the Huskies it’s “Ottoman” or “Footstool.”

    Which is what Jeff is becoming to Mary, and Blechthony is already to his brat-daughter.

  56. AirForbes
    December 6th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Anthony’s face in the 5th panel is flat out freaky. He’s not even human anymore.

  57. Calico
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    #45 – Yeah, me too.
    Is it time for a CC Bandwith Bake Sale for winter, peut-etre?

  58. AhClem
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    SFx – I once bought an inflatable “Pop Hassock” from Spencer Gifts, at the local mall in a north suburb of Large City. It resembled a squat, oversized beach ball with lots of primary colors. Psychedelic late 1960′s, man!

    MW – The fact that Dr. Corey Sr. needs to take dignity and self-esteem lessons from Dr. Corey Jr. is a sure sign of how desperately pathetic things have gotten in Charterstoneville. Are we sure Batuik isn’t ghost-writing this strip?

  59. Sans Sense
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: Ummm… isn’t it the Mounties’ job to help determine guilt or innocence? Just askin…

    P.S. We all know Johnny wouldn’t shoot anyone, which is why he almost brought the gun in to confront Bull in the first place.

  60. Scrog
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Odd that Lincoln is on the cover of “Famous Last Words,” considering his last words weren’t particularly notable. Not exactly “This play sucks,” but pretty close. Or is he on the cover of “Famous Creeps”? I’ve already lost track.

    Also, an author promoting his own book doesn’t sound like a media whore to me, Funky Whiskersbean. Although, who would send the comic book writer and not the artist out on tour. Wouldn’t the kids say “Draw me on the couch with Spider-Man!” rather than “Write a long boring story about me watching TV with Spider-Man!”?

  61. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Pozzo

    “Lending Library”?
    Does one get there by autogyro?

  62. Calico
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    #60 I’d rather buy Pete’s comic novel than that Stoned piece of shit barfed out by Mikey Fatterpoob.

    Any day.

  63. Rotten Arsenal
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    My favorite part about Count Weirdly (and heaven knows there’s a lot to like!) is his mask… that he wears all the time… even at home while reading a book…

    Does he really think that nobody would recognize him WITHOUT the mask? Jeebus! Clark Kent’s glasses are a masterpiece compared to this. He’s green, with a top hat, pencil stache, hospital gown, and three crickly hairs that shoot straight out of his head.

    Yeah, that mask is useful…

  64. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man genuinely pissed me off today. I know a lot of amateur stage actors and actresses (I’m one myself) and this very issue has been a factor in breakups and divorces for some of them. Usually it was just the lens that showed them how controlling their spouses or boyfriends or girlfriends really were. Peter is denying MJ her right to personal fulfillment through creative work. Stage acting is all she can really do now, considering her movie got put on hold, and someone has to bring home the bacon so Peter can afford to sit around and watch TV all day. Yes, you have to make time for your partner, and you have to make sacrifices, but how is that any different from when Peter leaves the house at all hours to go fight crime? Besides, since when is six nights a week a big deal if neither of you work regular hours during the day? Jerk.

    That said, Peter’s line is pretty hilarious taken out of context.

  65. Never teh Bride
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Er, what kind of loser is jealous of a dog?

    Oh right, a Dr. Jeff style loser.

  66. SmartPeopleOnIce
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Man, that SFx is right out of Se7en, with our heroes busting in on yet another squalid hovel holding one of the killer’s victims. Or maybe it’s the sequel (Ei8ht) as Count Weirdly appears to be guilty of the lesser-known eighth deadly sin: coked to the frickin’ gills.

  67. benzo
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    DT: Wow, do you think the gunman could be just a little bit more hesitant? It’s not like he’s holding the Governor for ransom. His stated goal is to KILL HIM! So your guess is as good as mine as to why he’s just standing there with his thumb up his ass and a gun to the Governors head, while Tracy rushes in to presumably deliver a haymaker.

  68. kingklash
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, I too, found today’s Garfield funny. And by that, I mean Funny Funny, not Garfield Funny.

  69. Janepre
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    It appears that the waiter in MW has a fish and chip on his shoulder.

  70. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    I am sure you will be sad and/or disheartened to hear that my explanation of why I did not , unlike others, like Garfield get posted.

    It was lucky for me. I had just assumed a human Santa, not an arachnoid Santa.

    I still don’t like it.

    The Spider lived.

  71. SteveRoper
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MT, #9: Probably because this isn’t Lost Forest, but in Canada (note the mountie). Johnny Malotte and his family live in the Quetico area of western Ontario, or did when Dodd was in charge of the strip. Under Elrod, who tends to be more vague on such matters, it’s anyone’s guess.

  72. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    57 Calico

    I’ll donate a batch of molasses cookies!

  73. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    6
    Evan
    Is that a bat?

  74. Bud
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Foolish Dr. Jeff! You should never ask Mary to make a decision when she’s high on her daily glass of blood!

  75. Islamorada Girl
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    FW: MEDIA WHORE? Media Whore???? Eulalia, get my smellin’ salts right now! (passes out on fainting couch).

  76. Joe
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    LUANN: I’m just waiting for TJ to pull another sneaky get-rich-quick scam. He looks like a kid I knew in high school: same shape of head, squinty eyes, goofy smile, same hair. He was a weasle, too. I guess Greg Evans and I went to the same high school!

    FC: Like 7-year-old Billy is going to have the first damn clue what the fuck THAT means. I suppose ‘ol Granny needed to give him a lecture after he took a needle and popped Dolly’s balloon legs yesterday.

    Cancer DeathyBean: ‘Lil Pete Roberts, after the massacre: “Yeah, I’m a blood and gore whore!”

    Beetle Bailey: If I’m not mistaken, it looks like Major Greenbrass has been promoted to Lt. Colonel.

    Crankshaft: “Thanks for that bit of intel, you little snot. I’ll be sure to avoid your damn house. Now get the hell off my lap before you piss all over me.”

    Baby Blues: Yeah. It’ll get you grounded, or most likely slapped upside the head. Of course, daddy is a real dolt if he doesn’t know what “infantesimal” means.

    FOOB:
    Panel 1: “Good night sweetheart. I hope you don’t wake up tomorrow! Really.”

    Panel 2:
    Pissthony” “Are you going home, or can we have sex now?”
    Eloserbutt: “Yes, I am going home, but you see, I’m bending over for you right here in the hallway…”

    Panel 3:
    Dopethony: “Here comes my tongue, here comes my tongue…..damn brat screaming….NOO!!!”
    Lizzardbreath: “Gawd, please no tongue, gawd, please no tongue….damn brat screaming…YES!”

    Panel 4:
    Loserbreath: “Go and kill, er, I mean, go and wait on the little creep.”
    Assthony: “B-b-b-b-ut…..we’ve almost triggered the gag reflex….oh God Dammit. Time to shut her up. All she does is get in the way of my life. Now, where did I put the hammer and duct-tape?”

    Panel 5:
    Elizadope: “And I’ll wait here…….good, he’s gone! Time to sneak the hell out of here when he’s not looking!”

  77. Al
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Pirahna Club — In the colorized version of the scripts, why does the cooking water that Dr. Pork is sitting in look pee-yellow?

  78. Inspector Dim
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    What sort of wonderful influenced-by-his-childhood-in-Funkytown graphic novel has Pete written?

    Professor X Dies of Cancer
    The Dark Knight Mopes
    G.I. Joe: Iraq Missions
    The Sandman: Death Gets Bored by Ohio
    Superman’s Secret Shame
    Wonder Woman Hits the Bottle Hard
    Flash Annual: Amputation
    Spider-Man vs. Television Remote
    Captain America Resurrected Then Killed Again

  79. ohyes
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    The Dick Tracy plots are just excuses for for bold, stark, shapings of black and white, that look like primitive woodcuts or linoleum cuts. But, which is the least-thought-out plot by evildoers in recent memory:

    - A casino decides to bankrupt its competitors by giving so much money away to its customers that they stop going to other casinos. And then someone steals a diamond. (Foiled by a doorknob.)

    - Post-Soviet Russian terrorists plan to blow up the Capitol Building and above all to blame it on the Arabs, which they encourage by contacting the CIA themselves and alerting the CIA to an imminent attack in Washington – by their dotty old grandpa (who is armed with a powerful bomb).

    - A man who believes the governor murdered the man’s father and stole his house – to leave it vacant – tricks public officials into sleeping in an abandoned house, enabling the man to hold the governor at gunpoint and make unsubstantiated allegations to one detective, while standing behind a painting. (This man would be regarded as a criminal lunatic, except that the governor and mayor were sleeping in their suits on the floor of an abandoned house with little security, etc., so who is to say?)

  80. Sal Paradise
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    GT : Marty seems alot more mellow in today’s strip. He must taken his “medicine” at halftime. Groozy, man.

  81. Bucky's Katt
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    So according to Tom Batiuk, ten years from now, all comic characters will be using words like “whore”.

    That said, in ten years, we’ll be able to see 13 year old (12, 15, how old is she now?) Francie tell her step-mommy to go sit in that whore chair!

  82. Nekrotzar
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    I usually refer to a footstool as a “Seljuk.” For some reason, nobody has any idea what I’m talking about.

  83. man behind the curtain
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Margo’s scheme will backfire as Ruby will prove to be better than margo at whatever task she is assigned and if it’s the artgallery she will steal Eric (or whatever his name is) and if it’s aprty planner, she will run off with the assisstant. In the end, Ruby will be moving into 3G and margo will be living in a cardboard bax in a subway station.

    MW — Oh Jeff you’re so funny. First or second base? Dear, what i’ve been trying to tell you is that you’ve been replaced by a pinch hitter.

    But Mary I said place, not base. Get that damn hearing aid fixed already.

  84. Gabe
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    64 GDN: Spider-Man? Fight Crime? Are you sure? I’m pretty sure he just watches TV and bitches. You must be thinking of a different Spider-Man.

  85. benro
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – Little Francie is probably sleeping in a bunk bed because she decided she wanted a bunk bed, then screamed and whined until Daddy Blandthony bought her one. It’s pretty obvious by the way she reacted when Daddy didn’t immediately cater to her needs that she’s hopelessly spoiled. Liz should run as fast as she can away from this relationship.

    FW – It’s really bothersome how often people with marginal talent are portrayed as leaping to the top of the professional heap with little or no paying of dues or adversity. We saw it with Michael in FOOB and now we see it with Mopey Little Pete in FW. Just once, I would like to see a fictional character working as a staff writer/artist or a dead-end job while producing some half-assed web-comic or blog on the side, instead of being in the 0.001% of writers/artists that achieve top-tier success.

  86. Ranger
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    SM: Ewww…why does Peter have to dig in his nose when MJ is talking to him? Bat in the cave Petey or did a black widow lay eggs in your sinus cavity?

  87. Ranger
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    #85: See My Cage.

  88. Rat's Feces
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Margo’s use of the word “hard” is an obvious double entendre.

    The naughty wench.

  89. man behind the curtain
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    FBOW — With Lizardbreath headed out the door, it’s time for Grandthony,to do some spanking. First spank Francie, then spank the monkey.

  90. Moss_Moses
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    59. Sans Sense, you ask whether or not it is the job of law enforcement to enforce the law and determine guilt or innocence when a crime has been committed.

    NO! That is Mark Trail’s job. He is the judge, jury and executioner in Lost Forest. Think of Lost Forest as a benevolent dictatorship with Mark Trail as the Dear Leader. He is the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches combined. The mountie did way more than most LoFo cops do by breaking up the fight in the first place. Now it’s time for him to get out of the way and sit back while a real man solves the crime and meets out the punishment via his right hook o’ justice.

  91. Girl Reporter
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    I remember seeing grown men wear fish ties with their pushed-up-the-forearms-sleeved jackets back in the ’80s, but I’ve never seen a fish bow-tie before. Are they back in style? My, my. What’ll come back around next? Onion belts?

  92. Forthillrox
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Don’t feel so bad about laughting at today’s Garfield. If it makes you feel any better, I sort of chuckled at today’s Cathy.

  93. Sans Sense
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    So I should look at Lost Forest as a kind of Monaco tucked somewhere between the US and Canada that outsources it’s routine law enforcement to the RCMP but retains ultimate legal sovereignty for the Fist o’ Justice. I also believe normal laws of physics are suspended there when animals and buildings can speak and move the plot along. I wonder what kind of sleuthing Andy is doing while Mark is wagging tongues with the Mounty.

  94. ohyes
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – The moment the kid’s in bed and out of the way, Liz pulls on her boots. She has corrections to mete out and lessons to impart, especially that regular reminder for Blanthony about no masturbating. “I’ll be waiting right here,” she tells him, “with the cane.”

  95. commodorejohn
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Once again, Brooke takes something that was kinda funny the first time and spends a whole damn week running it into the ground.

    A.D. – What the…ZomBC was funny!? Jeez, I don’t think the apteryx has put in an appearance since the 70s, and suddenly it appears again and I know it’s gonna suck and…it’s FUNNY!? You’re not the only one who’s questioning his view of the universe, Josh.

    DT – “Things I Never Thought I’d See In Dick Tracy,” #37: Dick attempting the float-out-the-window leap made famous by that late 19th/early 20th-century male dancer whose name I can’t remember.

    FC – Grandma Circus is secretly Mary Worth.

    FOOB – I never, never thought there would be a point where I would loathe Anthony less than the other characters, but for once he appears to be shrugging his shoulders and thinking “yeah, that’s life, this is parenting” instead of bitching about how hard his life is. ‘Bout time, you whiny bastard. Also, Francoise (because, you know, that’s her name, not the de-Frenched “Francie” because apparently French-speaking white people are somewhere around or below non-white people on Lynn’s superiority hierarchy) continues to keep the Apocalypse Couple apart, cementing her position as one of the few FOOB characters I actually like.

    FW – Mopey Pete is prostituting himself to the media. This being Funkerland, nobody is surprised or particularily dismayed. Depression and misery strike everybody equally – how they strike is just a minor point of interest.

    GT – If you don’t think Thorpian sports are a wonderful, unique thing, just take a look at Thorpian football’s most unique feature, the Giant Radiant Coffee Bean.

    MC – *cuteness overload*

    JP – Darn it, this conversation is going to be too short.

    Pluggers – Pluggers have undiagnosed Alzheimer’s.

    Popeye – This. Is. Lame.

    RMMD – That’s right! Rex’s crippling fear of the dark will prevent him from escaping! (Hmm, there might be a flaw in that plan.)

    SM – Spider-Man cares more about getting Spider-Action than making Spider-Money.

  96. shaagnik
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    i’d like to point out that one of the words scrambled in slylock fox is “hassock.” Slylock fox is aimed at kids, right? who knows what a hassock is? i had to look it up. is it used commonly in some parts of the country?

  97. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    #45 NIall

    I understand.
    The cash value of the MegaMillions Jackpot http://www.ohiolottery.com/howtoplay.stm is nearly $60,000,000.00 (American). I figure after taxes that is worth $36,000,000.00 (American). If I invest in double tax free bonds, I can earn nearly $2,000,000 (American) a year.

    With that money I can hire you as a PT Kappel Meister and give Macs to any Curmudgeons who want one.

    If I could just remember to buy a ticket.

    What numbers do you recommend?

  98. Ogg Ogglesby
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Just to jump back a day: Mary Worth “Let me tell you something Jeff……. Chester loves peanut butter!”

  99. True Fable
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    #96 shaagnik – It’s about time them damn kids got off my lawn and started learning some different words, gol ding it!!

  100. Allie Cat
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Today’s FOOB Reminds me of the famous quote from that classic 1983 film – National Lampoon’s Vacation:

    Cousin Vicki: I’m going steady, and I French kiss.

    Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.

    Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I’m the best at it.

  101. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    98
    Ogg
    And you love Claude William Dunkenfield I’d wager.

  102. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    98
    Ogg
    And you love Claude William Dunkenfield I’d wager.

  103. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    98
    Ogg
    And you love Claude William Dunkenfield I’d wager.

  104. SecretMargo
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Great post, Josh! I miss parsing Margo, too. (That’s what Eric said!)

  105. smacky
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Some of you may have missed them, so I’d like to repost every comment I’ve made this week:

    Just kidding ;-).

    That is where all this will eventually lead though. Mark my words, by December 2008, comments will be nothing but links to past comments!

  106. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    84 Gabe — Silly me. I momentarily confused comic strip Spider-Man with comic book/movie Spider-Man. I assure you, it won’t happen again. Let’s edit that:

    Yes, you have to make time for your partner, and you have to make sacrifices, but how is that any different from when Peter leaves the house at all hours to go fight crime can’t tear himself away from his favorite program?

  107. benro
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    To troutmaskreplica: You have a “job” at the “Cartoon Research Library” at your “local university”??

    Can you provide more information? What University is it? Do they actually offer a degree program in Cartoon Research? What is your job there? What are the qualifications? Are they hiring?

  108. Alan Vanneman
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Since I don’t feel like reading through all 98 comments to see if someone beat me to it, I’ll jump in and note that the Shylock Fox strip is definitely a recycle. Note the wet tennis shoes under the tchotchke-laden table to the left, obviously intended to undermine Count Weirdly’s “been in all night” alibi when faced with peeping Tom charges from Sally Stork.

  109. Max
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I can’t wait for Liz to comment on this evening with her parents, because you just know John’s advice is going to be, “Hang in there, honey, it’ll be worth it — after all, that Anthony, he’s a funny guy!” Yes sir, anyone who sets up their only child with a bunk bed has clearly got a sense of humor that can only be rivaled only by the likes of Carrot Top or Howie Mandel.

  110. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Sorry about the multi posts

  111. iburl
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Don’t feel bad about laughing at Garfield. I…I’m sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation. Maybe you were drunk or on drugs? Yeah! Or… or maybe some strange weather pattern resulted in a high concentration of N2O that… wafted by…I don’t know… I don’t know! I… I’m scared!

  112. Little Guy
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    JP: GAH! Wrong Boobiage! Wrong Boobiage! Abort! Abort! Pull up!

  113. gh
    December 6th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    #99 True Fable –

    Hassock was the first word I unscrambled. And then I looked for credenza. Lawn maintenance! Call on line two!

  114. Sans Sense
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    ROBERT “BULL” MALONE, Captain Canadian Merchant Navy (ret.), Dies at 88

    Robert “Bull” Malone; whose heroism in the Canadian Merchant Marine in both World Wars earned him international renown and both the Canadian and British Commonweath Victoria Crosses; has died in Lost Forest of an apparent gunshot wound.

    The cause of his fatal wound is still under investigation according to Lost Forest chief enforcer, Mark Trail. The slaying has sparked outrage and disbelief in Canada for the senseless murder of the beloved war hero.

    Bull Malone earned his nickname for single-handedly saving over 200 fellow seaman in seven different engagements while under enemy fire in the North Sea in his service on various “Lady Boats”. Several dozen of these seaman were personally carried to safety by Mr. Malone while under constant U-Boat gunfire. Winston Churchill coined the nickname by saying of Malone “our beacon, nay Bull, of hope in our darkest hour.”

    After the cessation of hostilities in 1945, Mr. Malone used his notoriety to raise millions of dollars to educate the children of fallen Merchant Marines. In 1998 he led the hunger strike of Canadian Merchant Marines to protest the failure of the government to give them benefits commensurate with other military branches. Upon the final success of his push for benefits, Mr. Malone retired to Lost Forest to peacefully finish out his days running a well known conservation education center and renewable resource hunting camp.

    An unnamed source within the Royal Canadian Mounted Police who assist in monitoring communitiy safety in Lost Forest have stated that ill will had been brewing for some time between Mr. Malone and a Mr. Johnny Malotte, proprietor of a rival hunting camp. Apparently Mr. Malone had been outraged by the single-handed extinction of 71 different endangered species slaughtered by Malotte to feed his rapacious offspring (rumored to be well over a several dozen).

    According to RCMP spokesman (and WWI Flying Ace) Sgt. Steve Campaignhat, “While Mr. Malotte had attacked Mr. Malone just minutes before the murder, that Mr. Malotte had threatened Mr. Malone’s life, that Mr. Malotte’s gun had been used in the murder and Mr. Malotte was found at the scene of the crime it is safe to say we have no real suspects. He went on to identify Mr. Malotte as a “person of interest” because he has a funny accent and a cool mustache.

    Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper led the international community in calling for a “rush to judgment” in finding the murderer of the beloved national figure. Canadian flags will be flown at half mast, according to Mr. Harper, until the “Frenchie” is “lynched” and “justice is finally served in the member of the Axis of Evil known as Lost Forest.”

    Mr. Malone is survived by his son, former Boston Red Sox pitcher and tavern keeper, Sam Malone. Services will be held in the Lost Forest Memorial Chapel on Thursday.

  115. Alley
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh man, is lightning going to strike that ornament hook and turn the house into a flaming gingerbread house of DOOOOM now? Please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please!

  116. steinbeck421
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Even if his legs are too short to keep up with his companions, I’m not sure Max made the right choice riding Slylock’s tail like that. A tiny umbrella is bound to provide even less coverage when you’re precariously perched on a wagging posterior. To say nothing of the smell!

    (What? You guys’ve never met a wet dog?)

  117. Calico
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    #90 – Mark even dresses like that Meglomaniacal freak from NK they call “Dear” or “Great” or “Absolutely Fabulous” or whatever they have to say in order not to get a piece of lead in the head.

    Or a punch in the face, if you have a beard or large moustache.

    Notice, though, how no one really seems to care that Bull is dead, in a humanitarian sense? All Mark really cares about is solving the puzzle, not grieving or mourning. How cold.

  118. Calico
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    #94 – or the riding crop.

    Oh, right, that would be April’s preferred tool, as she is learning how to move on a horse-and doing it well, according to her cousin!

  119. Josh
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Testing, testing … hey, everyone who’s been trying to post comments and can’t — sorry — there’s been some kind of gummed-up-in-the-works-problem. Hope I can get it fixed soon…

    Josh

  120. Red Greenback
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    I want to give Dub props on her mashup yesterthread!

  121. Wonkey the Monkey
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps Count Weirdly is a suspicious character, but you’ve got to love his courteous, befanged monster-butler. Even hulking, green freaks of nature know that you should hold the door open for a lady.

  122. ehme
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Bless Francie, that little Angel of Mercy…anyone that prevents me from seeing Lizard Breath kiss Blandthony is my hero.

  123. Ryan
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Forget Dr. Jeff’s fragile ego–who’s that vagrant making off with Jeff and Mary’s plates?

  124. Red Greenback
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    SFX: All those scramble words look like the names of oligarchs and third world dictators.

  125. Bobdog
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    So un-menacing is Dennis Mitchell that he can’t even snark without being lame.

    Famous first words? What is that even supposed to mean?

  126. UncleJeff
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    37 Big Ted & 60 Scrog: It’s a little-known fact that Abe Lincoln’s last words were “I’d give a fiver to anybody who can get me out of here before the second act.”

    80: Sal “…groozy, man” ???
    A combination of “groovy” and “woozy”?

  127. Mountain Mama
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Roll call, please!!! Where is Ms Divine?? Where is Wille? Where is our beloved grand glorious Emperor?

  128. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    119
    Josh
    Hmmm, that might explain my overposts and the invisible posts, or it could be that the fight over at TNR.COM has spilled over here.

  129. OdeToLA
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Re: 102

    It’s not a fit night out for man nor beast!

  130. Jordan
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Josh, the Bible does condemn sex outside of marriage, but considering that the Holy Book in FBOFW-land is evidently ”Stone Season”, Liz likely gets a free pass on sheer nepotism alone.

    Oh, and “Famous Last Words”? Do you know what really went through Lincoln’s head just before he died?

    A bullet!

  131. schlimmerkerl
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    I feel kind of bad for Count Weirdly. I mean, how did he get to be CW? Is there a Margrave of Weirdly? It’s kind of like the Wicked Witch of the West. Is he evil because he’s green or green because he’s evil? Or is it just a congenital condition and then he had to travel to Weirdly and request an audience with the Margrave and… and…

    Anyway… Spider Claus interviews the spider children. And then eats them.

  132. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Red
    You are correct! It was wonderful. Plus, I always assumed Dub was male…..
    Speaking of mashups…..
    http://www.djearworm.com/

  133. Thank You for Taking My Call
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    DT: Having spent the last two weekends putting up Christmas decorations, I’d forgotten that this arc started as a Halloween stunt.

  134. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    128
    Ode to LA
    Eau de Toilette?

    That Beer would’ve tasted great, eh?

    130
    schlimmerkerl

    Could Occam’s Razor give us the clue? Maybe he is dysnumeric?

  135. Mushuweasel
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    I don’t see Count Weirdly’s LANCED PRIDES… Am I just blind?

  136. Brendan
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    The world is burning. Run.

  137. The Divine O’F
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    127 Mountain Mama: I wish I could say I’d been off on an exciting adventure with Chennux and wille, but the truth is that I’ve been too busy to do more than lurk for a couple of weeks. Happy holidays!

  138. p.
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    44 Meanwhile: Then it becomes Ziggy.

  139. Saxman
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Cartoon Research Library

    Wow, whoda thunk.

    http://cartoons.osu.edu/index.php

    Can I get a job there? Maybe just colorizing old strips at first.

  140. John
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    #60. I don’t know, there are a few comics writers who would warrant their own tour sans artist… Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Brian Michael Bendis, maybe Greg Rucka, though he was (and is still) a successful prose author before turning to comics. It’s far more implausible that Marvel Comics would send anyone out on tour. They might pay for one of their hot talents to attend the San Diego Comicon, but an actual tour? No way.

    Also, wrt Liz and Anthony gettin’ it on, didn’t Lynn Johnston say a few years ago that Liz had lost her virginity while in college, with Eric?

  141. Brick Bradford
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    I’d point out that the fish in the last panel of MW is stuffed and mounted on the wall behind the waiter(and Dr. Jeff hopes to mount and stuff Mary later) but the idea of the waiter hauling a whole flounder through the Bum Boat is much funnier than boring old facts. (And, yes, I first typed “much finnier”, and nearly left it).

    And where does Chester fit into the whole mounting and stuffing thing?

  142. shegotzen
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    I’m most struck by the way Max Mouse is floating Poppins-like through the doorway. Does this mean that he too has the power to jump into cartoon wonderlands? Or (shudder) out of them?

  143. commodorejohn
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    #140 John – hehe, we have it from Lynn herself that “Elizabeth has spent many summers riding a horse.” Of course, the meaning of this depends greatly on how you interpret the phrase “riding a horse,” (and don’t let me get in the way of any hilariously dirty interpretations,) but I think what Lynn was probably intending to say was that the freshness seal might be popped up, but no way was Liz doing any of that icky sex, nosirree!

  144. commodorejohn
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    #141 Brick Bradford – “And where does Chester fit into the whole mounting and stuffing thing?

    It’s probably best to not contemplate.

  145. benro
    December 6th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    #139 – Damn, I was hoping it would be the University of North Carolina, or someplace exotic like University of Hawaii. I’m not ready to move to Columbus.

  146. Trouser Tent
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    After looking at today’s MT, I was struck that Johnny Malotte looks a lot like Guy Fawkes. The Brits would be horrified of the notion that Guy was really a frog.

    Click here for Guy Fawkes/Johnny Malotte

    http://www.philipcoppens.com/vendetta_07.jpg

  147. Bootsy
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Really? Nobody knew what a hassock is? Did I read way too much as a kid? I also knew trivet.

    Sans Sense, on land, a flag is flown at half staff; at sea, it is flown at half mast. You’re welcome!

    You. Kids. Offa my lawn!

  148. Sans Sense
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    #147. Bootsy -

    Tell it to Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

  149. K Bear
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Zits: “Wait! Is it ‘Copyright two thousand-seven’? Or ‘Copyright two thousand-two-five’??”

    Oh Jeremy. Shouldn’t his mom be more concerned by the fact that he obviously doesn’t know either how to read Roman numerals or even what they are? “Numbers?! No, those are letters!” In fact, I think I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He probably said “Em-em-vee-eye-eye” and “Em-em-eye-eye-vee”

    It reminded me of that Simpsons episode where Bart is trapped in the Shelbyville zoo and can’t figure out which door to go through because PS Springfield doesn’t teach the Roman numeral system and he can’t read the labels on the doors. Sad. So very sad.

  150. t007
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    MW: What’s up with her coy little teasing of Doctor McOldy? It doesn’t become you Mary, it doesn’t become you.

  151. SecretMargo
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    145: Well, take solace in the fact that Kyoto’s Seika University has coursework in both the creation and cultural history of manga and cartooning, as well as a Museum.

  152. The Dailey Jon
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: That Anthony is not only pasty, whiny, and shitty, but he’s a very bad father. I don’t blame Liz for wanting to get out of his cursed house. Besides, in panel 2 it looks like he’s getting ready to kick her in the butt. She deserves it though.

  153. Jordan
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    #131 -

    I highly suspect that it will be shown in the upcoming Broadway smash, Weird!, that Count Weirdly’s real name is Bowebjr, and he’s evil because of his mistreatment in High School by Slylock. And there will be some weird lesbian subtext for some reason.

  154. Islamorada Girl
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: I tells ya, the Mountie did it!

  155. A New Day
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    I am in awe of Mary’s bitchiness today, but my real favorite this morning was Mark Trail, the universe where you have to prove your innocence, and the only legal help you get is a naturalist from the 1950s and a dog. Don’t laugh, though, because if Bush gets one more person on the Supreme Court, we’ll all be wishing we lived in that world too.

  156. SmartPeopleOnIce
    December 6th, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Mark my words, if this rhubarb twix Ruby and Margo doesn’t end with somebody’s grits getting kissed, I for one will be sorely disappointed.

  157. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    155 A New Day

    Jeez, reaching a little aren’t you?
    I think some of the trolls from TNR have come over here.

  158. Red Greenback
    December 6th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    ltrftp(not so first time) I like the way Jenny scrubs. Oh yes, and death to Gil Thorp…

  159. Pendragon
    December 6th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    #12: I shall attempt to answer. Amos is Brooke’s alter-ego.

  160. Josh
    December 6th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    People, don’t get into political fights here, I mean it. I will exile to the Cockpi those who disobey me.

    My advice to those who see politics they don’t like in comments is to ignore it. When people fight over politics on the Internet, nobody wins.

    Josh

  161. True Fable
    December 6th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    #114 Sans Sense: Bravo! *sniff* Ah, Bull was a good man, and will be missed…until the next storyline.

    His middle initial wasn’t S, was it?

  162. Loopina
    December 6th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Oh, poo – I couldn’t get online until now and all the good snarks are taken. Except that in addition to the above-mentioned Mega Bitchiness, we also have a catfight in GA. Sorta.

    #85: Hey, you just described Flashdance!

    #143: She took me to the place where her horses ran free – and I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures of the jockeys who were there before me… Sorry, couldn’t help it, heh.

    #149: The Simpsons also had an episode where Mrs.K was going to teach the Roman numerals so that the students would be able to tell what year a movie was made (I think that’s the only thing I’ve ever used them for). Same episode, perhaps?

  163. Dingo
    December 6th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    The Ballad of Anthony and Françoise
    to the tune of “Daddy, Don’t You Walk Too Fast” by Wayne Newton

    My wife had gone to Montreal, divorcing
    Herself not just from me but our whole life
    How could I rear this tot without forcing
    Another gal to be my betrothed wife?

    Liz is my friend from the past
    Now my world will be recast
    Fran, we’re gonna have fun
    With this cowed Patterson
    Ship’s come in and I’m the mast!

    It broke my heart when Thérèse left that morning
    Taking her sweet puss (and the cat, too)
    I’m cheered now ‘stead of Elly with her scorning
    ‘cuz Liz is stuck to Milborough like Elmer’s glue

    Liz is my friend from the past
    Now my world will be recast
    Fran, we’re gonna have fun
    With this cowed Patterson
    Ship’s come in and I’m the mast!

    If only for the sake of my sweet daughter
    I’ll take Liz in and not show my chagrin
    It’s never if I ought to or I oughter
    We’ll keep her in the basement in the pen

    Liz is my friend from the past
    Now my world will be recast
    Fran, we’re gonna have fun
    With this cowed Patterson
    Ship’s come in and I’m the mast!

  164. kshay
    December 6th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    Maybe “wait on” has different connotations in Canada, but I can’t help but read that line as wildly sarcastic.

    “Aww, little Francie wants a drink of water. Go and bring her some bread, too, and then make sure she’s aware of this evening’s specials. And push that awful Pinot Grigio we’re trying to get rid of.”

  165. memorae
    December 6th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Foob: I’m sure Blanthony is not struck by the irony of the fact that the same daughter that he pressured his wife into having that broke apart his sham marriage is now going to stand between him and sex with Liz.

    i-ron-ic.

  166. Sans Sense
    December 6th, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    #165. memorae -

    I am sure Blandthony is not struck by any worthwhile thought. His sole motivation in life is to perenially be the put upon victim. Kudos to Therese for gettin’ while the gettin’ was good.

  167. GG
    December 6th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    These comics all just raise questions for me.

    Mary Worth-Where did that waiter get that fish, and why is he carrying it on his shoulder?

    Slylock Fox-Do mice really ride on the tails of foxes? Cause that would make science awesome.

    For Better or For Worse-Who are these obnoxious people and why should I care about them?

  168. Benicillin
    December 6th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Wow…hold me Dingo. Hold me and promise me you’ll never let go. Nice rape of a Newton song.

    (cough)

    But, can any of you explain why the infallible Mary Worth would choose a restaurant where the waiter carries a trout around on his shoulder?

    Sorry I used the word “rape.”

  169. Trilobite
    December 6th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Phantom is really off-putting, isn’t it? I thought he was going to follow the little girl and catch her red-handed, but instead he broke into her house and is going through their stuff.

    I thought the Phantom’s goal was to terrify criminals, but apparently he added “and totally creep out homeowners” to his mission, perhaps around the same time he decided he needed to protect rights to his likeness.

    “Invest in good burglar alarm, or the Ghost-Who-Walks may rummage through your underwear drawer.” — Old Jungle Saying

  170. Sans Sense
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    #169. Trilobite -

    I thought the same thing. In panel two he has the “Pity I must kill them all” face on.

  171. alamo
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    a3g – i always understood that when it was hard it wasn’t work.

  172. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Josh
    He started it.

    As to the waiter from MW, I imagine he is doing it for the halibut., which needs a new perch, the fish will mullet over while the waiter tells his lover, “Not tonight dear, I have a haddock.”.

  173. KT
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    I know one guy who had some famous first words:

    Al Jolson. “Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain’t heard nothin’ yet!”

  174. KT
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and I’ve heard the word “hassock”. (It’s “sneakers” I had trouble with, embarrassingly, because “snake” kept popping out at me and there was a snake in the scene…)

  175. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    KT
    Indeed.

  176. Josh
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    #172 ltrftp(not so first time) — I know, and I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic, but … I don’t care who started it, I just want people not perpetuate it. I would rather people didn’t inject political commentary into their comments, though it happens often enough that I don’t have the energy to scold people for it anymore. What I won’t tolerate is full-on political arguments breaking out where people are calling out each other by name, going back and forth, etc. There are a million gazillion places on the Internet where you can have petty political fights; please, please, please don’t have them here.

    If someone posts something that you find politically disagreeable, you may think that by not responding you are letting them “win”. But in fact, you are being a bigger person and keeping discussion here civil. You are not going to solve all political problems on the Internet, and particularly not on a stupid site about comics, and especially not by calling fellow commentors trolls. I have no idea what “TNR” is but I can assure you that there is no cabal between them and us.

    Josh

  177. Reynard Noir.
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

  178. SecretMargo
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    163: Fantastic work, Dingo. I especially like the first stanza.

  179. avatarjk137
    December 6th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    Dennis actually achieved some levels of menacing today by ever-so-slightly breaking the walls of his panel. Maybe he’s not quite as inept a menace as we thought. But the best menaces can disguise their abilities…

  180. Deena in OR
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    Captain Thunder…how are you?

  181. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Josh
    I apologise.
    I was/am as guilty as the other guy. I was just trying to be funny.
    I try to leave my politics at the door and usually succeed. Tonight, not. The last thing I want is for this place to become a political fight blog.

    About TNR: The New Republic (TNR) has a big comment fight going on, and some people suggested that others should lighten up and go to Joshreads.com, believe it or not. Rather than welcome a new poster I was rude and wasted your time.
    I apologise for that, as well.

    OTOH, I have plenty more fish jokes…….

    And while I have your attention, how come I cannot get this site to accept my email address? It always comes up as ‘deleted’.

  182. SecretMargo
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    180: Did you put it in the “URL” slot? Because when I click on your name “deleted” comes up. I think it only accepts URLs, no email addresses (which are only visible to Josh).

  183. Joe Blevins
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    I notice that Count Weirdly has taken a design tip from Leatherface and has made furniture from human remains. Nice touch, “Comics For Kids.” By the way, if this is a castle, why is there so much furniture in what would be the entrance hall? Either this is actually a studio apartment or the Count has moved all his stuff into one room and closed off the rest of the castle to save on heating bills.

  184. The Avocado Avenger
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Josh: the Cockpi

    Erotic math pun for the win.

  185. Andrew
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    I always thought Lincoln’s last words were, “Good seats, huh?”

  186. AhClem
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    I think Cockpi is the plural of Cockpus. I’m not sure what they are/it is, but I don’t think I wanna go there.

  187. SecretMargo
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    183: Total area = foot size squared divided by finger length times the constant, Cockpi?

    I also thought about all the mysteries that could be solved by Cock, P.I. (tagline: “They’re pronounced separately, like Magnum’s. Get it right or urine trouble!”)

  188. Scrog
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    On the Internet, everybody knows you’re Hitler.

  189. SecretMargo
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    186: Or an okapi with an even more phallic nose?

    (I’ll stop now)

  190. Jym
    December 6th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    =v= MW: This is not the first time Mary’s drawn sustenance from a glass of human blood, but it’s certainly the most appropriate time. Too bad it’s just the stupid colorizers at work. Watch her order a Bloody Mary and end up with a tumbler of Bordeaux … with a chartreuse celery stick in it, of course.

  191. Red Greenback
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    I had the cockpus once. It wasn’t fun or pretty.

  192. Brick Bradford
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    #144 But, if Chester is indeed the reincarnation of Aldo, can we avoid it?

  193. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! CLENCH YOUR SPHINCTERS IN DESPAIR! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

    CHENNUX IS DISPLEASED AT WHAT CHENNUX HAS REVIEWED PRIOR TO HIS REAPPEARANCE IN THIRD DIMENSIONAL SPACE! MARK TRAIL HAS NOT PUNCHED THE FOLLICLES OFF ANYTHING? MARGO HAS NOT CONSUMED THE IRRITATING INTERLOPER? MARY WORTH HAS NOT BRAISED THE DOG IN HIS OWN JUICES AND FORCE FED IT TO DOCTOR CORY???

    CHENNUX IS HACKED! CHENNUX DEMANDS THE FOLLOWING:

    1) CULLY VALE MUST BE TURNED INTO A SUBURBAN SUBDIVISION! “In Cullyvale, you can kill your neighbors if they piss you off!”

    2) MARK TRAIL MUST PUNCH SOMETHING! ANYTHING! UP TO AND INCLUDING A ’96 OLDSMOBILE! CHENNUX IS NOT PICKY! HAHA!

    3) WHAT THE FLURPIN’ SNERTZ IS GOING ON IN FUNKY WINKERBEAN? HAS NOT THE ‘LITTLE’ COMIC BOOK PERSON KILLED ANYONE YET?

    YOU EARTHERS NEED TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE, LEST CHENNUX GET ANGRY! AND BY ANGRY, I MEAN MAGMACANNON ANGRY! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  194. Josh
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    ltrftp(not so first time) — certainly did not mean to call you out in particular. It happens from time to time and I usually end up saying the same thing every time, I promise. Heed my warnin’!

    Surely The New Republic is exactly the place where people should be fighting over politics? Isn’t that what it’s for? The whole place is one big den of cockpodes.

    And yes, I think SecretMargo is right. Web addresses go in the URL field, email adresses in the email field.

    Josh

  195. Daktari
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    OK, maybe I’m a little late to the game, but my fathers side of the family always called it a “hassock”. They also called the couch (sofa), a “davenport”. And instead of saying “She better not” or “shouldn’t” do something, they always said ” She dasn’t do that”. Anybody else ever hear of such sayings, or is it only a local expression, from the German/Irish community from the east side of Buffalo, New York? Just askin’.

  196. Kumquat
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    FW – Batiuk’s people are incapable of being happy for someone else’s success. No matter how successful and famous Pete becomes, they will continue to mock him to his face until he proves his worth by dying of cancer.

    Because, as we all know, your worth as a person is directly proportional to the amount of suffering in your life.

  197. Deena in OR
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    Daktari,

    I don’t know about the regionalism of “hassock” but has anyone run into the derivative of davenport, “daveno”? From my experience, it seems to be more of a socio-economic usage than a regional one.

  198. Moon Mullins
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    85 Benro:
    Not to stand up for Foob or anything, but Michael was a lowly staff writer on a magazine for a long time, had a jerk boss who hated him and eventually fired him; does that meet your wish? The jerk boss himself was eventually canned, and Michael got brought back as managing editor.

    The last part seems the most farfetched of the story, but hardly unprecedented. I worked in magazines in San Francisco in the early 90′s, and through the “promotional party” circuit all the mag people knew each other (press folk will always go anywhere free drinks are offered). A lot of no-talent hacks I encountered got some pretty nice editor jobs in those days, including one gal whose seeming only credit at the time was that she was diddling the mayor of San Francisco.

    Come to think of it, once you were at an editor level in mags you usually knew people in book publishing, guaranteeing you’d at least get in the door and your manuscript read by somebody. Perhaps that part of the Michael story isn’t that outlandish either (if we hadn’t seen the ridiculous prose supposedly in the book on the Foob site).

    There was a mediocre cub writer for the SF Chronicle back in the early 90′s who got a big publishing contract and splash for her first novel. I believe it was called “Wildcatting” and was based on her grandfather’s oil-drilling work in the early part of the 20th Century — maybe not so far off from the “Stone Season” idea, another period drama based on the stories an older person told the writer.

    From my memory her book only sold about twenty copies, though, despite a big marketing campaign. Perhaps Mr. Patterson will suffer the same fate.

  199. Moon Mullins
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    194 Daktari:
    My folks also called it a “hassock”, from Swiss German Chicago stock. Perhaps it is more of a German thing, like saying “grunts” instead of “poops”?

  200. Uncle Lumpy
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    #194 Daktari –

    “Dasn’t” takes me back — my German grandmothers both used the term. It’s a contraction of “dast not”; the Random House Unabridged says “dast” is an old form of “dare.”

    So dere you ast!

  201. Uncle Lumpy
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    #197 Moon –

    . . . whose seeming only credit at the time was that she was diddling the mayor of San Francisco.

    She must have had some other talent to set her apart — everybody diddles the mayor of San Francisco!

    It’s like a law or something.

  202. Electro
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Just in case anyone cares, you can watch the teevee interview with Lynn Johnstone on CBC’s ‘The Hour’ right here on the internets, so your metaphorically ‘fat’ ass never has to leave its chair, nor does it need to come to Canada.

    http://www.cbc.ca/thehour/video.php?id=1825

    However, I’ll warn you right now, it’s a pretty insipid interview: very FOOBish.

  203. Josh
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    #194 Daktari — I’m a Buffalo native and I hadn’t heard those dialect terms, though my parents weren’t raised in the area. I’m mostly posting in responsed to Deena in OR’s “daveno”, which totally sounds like something that Al Scaduto would call a couch. “Annoya is always complaining about the upholstery pattern on her daveno ['Doesn't match the wallpaper ... clashes with everything ... we shouldn't have kept it ... etc ... etc ... '] … but when it comes time to get a new hassock, what does she want it to match with? Do we really have to tell you, dear reader? [Urge to upholster her ... to the moon!]“

  204. Josh
    December 6th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    #197 Moon — Was it mayor Jordan? Did anyone really want to have sex with him? I mean, power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, but surely even that has limits.

  205. Electro
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    #194 Daktari –

    Why yes, now that you mention it … my English/Norwegian grandparents in Wisconsin referred to their sofa as a davenport, and my Norwegian/German/? second cousins (also in Wisconsin) used dast/dasn’t all the time.

    I knew the word Hassock as well, though I’d forgotten about it as the footstool has always struck me as a particularly useless piece of furniture, and I can’t remember having seen any for years.

  206. dbp
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    Man, this is the last time Grimace lets his kid go over to Count Weirdly’s place.

  207. Moon Mullins
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    203 Josh: Thanks for the temporal reminder! Frank Jordan was the mayor in those days, and certainly not a sex symbol. In fact, his re-election campaign died when he took a shower with some dj’s as a publicity event, and the hideous visage was more than any voter could take.

    A couple of Jordan’s sons were on that same free-drink circuit at the time, and the mayoral lineage got them some access with the ladies, but not as much as you’d think a mayor’s son would get, and certainly not Gavin Newsom level.

    No, I erred in that the editor in question was openly dating the (married and still married) most famous politician in San Francisco at the time, who would later become mayor — Assembly Speaker Willie Brown.

  208. SecretMargo
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    197: Moon – Holy [margo], I found it. You’re right: the whole thing looks like the real-world version of Stone Season. I haven’t read it and I don’t want to unfairly slam an author just for approximating a loathed fictional character’s career path, but I just wanted to share: eeeeeeerie. It doesn’t help that her name sounds like a pseudonym Shan…non would use to publish mass market “erotic thrillers” sporting covers that feature raised red foil lettering and close-ups of fishnetted legs ending in stillettos dripping blood from their heels.

  209. Deena in OR
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    By the way, it’s perfectly fine with me to shorten the name to Deena. At least until another one shows up here ;)

  210. Red Greenback
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Let’s just call the sofa “Dave”

  211. Daktari
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    198, 199 -MoonM & UnkaLump –
    Thank you both for your help. It seems that lately, every time I ask the old folks, (esp. at wakes and funerals), about their old sayings and expressions, they would just shrug and say “Huh?” It was as if they don’t realize that their way of talking was different. They knew what they were saying, and to hell with everyone else.
    It’s difficult to keep those old expressions and colloquialisms alive. I really get a kick out of saying “swell”, esp. when asked “How’s it going?” You should see the looks you get.

  212. mumbles
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Forgive me if some eagle-eyed FOOB-hater has caught this one already, but have you guys seen this?

    http://www.fbofw.com/features/anotherchance/

    In the words of Mr. Creosote, gimme a bucket I’m gonna throw up.

    I will say tho, Granthony was easier to take as a geek than a sad-sack.

  213. Daktari
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    Well, I dasn’t go past my bedtime. I hope it’s a swell day tomorrow for mudgin’ ‘G’night all.

  214. King Artie
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know if anyone saw today’s
    One Big Happy but I found myself laughing pretty hard.
    Which is surprising because I don’t think I’ve laughed at One Big Happy.

  215. Deena in OR
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    The thing about working in long term care is that you get to hear those kind of phrases every day. Then they creep into your everyday vocabulary and you sound…ummmm….unique and original. Boughten pants anyone?

  216. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Daktari
    I am the youngest of five, and my parents did not get started procreating until 1947.
    I say “Icebox” because my parents and grandparents did.
    I told my mom it was not the “victrola” but a “Hi-Fi” I say “See you in the funny papers” “Hot Dog!” and “More fun than a pile of comic books”.

    Nifty, Neat, Swell, Spiffy, Bee’s knees., Cat’s pajamas all come smoothly off my tongue. I say “huzzah” instead of “hooray”.

    My Five and Three year old use these terms too. I imagine that will stop by Jr. High

    Secret Margo and Josh, I don’t have a URL, do I? I mean I don’t have a webpage or anything. Plus I did think it cool that joshreads was mentioned in the fight. TNR is one of the magazines I give subscriptions to for people who appreciate good editing, Car and Driving, Martha Stewart Living, and Cook’s Illustrated are my other faves.

    209
    Red
    Sofa so good. I like the way you couch your phrases. What the heck is an “anti-massacar”?

    FWIMaryW, I think that waiter paid for the fish COD.

  217. A New Day
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Wow. Just checked in. I wasn’t even trying to be overly political, just to make a funny observation on the criminal justice system in Mark Trail land. But if, as it appears, I came across as harsh, I also apologize for my role in any politicizing.

    Anyway, I’ll say no more about it. I’ll just sit back and enjoy the unfolding saga of Mark and Andy preparing their case. And now I think about it, of course they would have to prove their ‘client’s’ innocence – he would be the first person in their world with facial hair to have NOT committed the crime!

  218. Kaitlyn
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    I first learned that “Davenport” was not just a last name care of Douglas Adams.

    Tear up my geek card, I just can’t remember if the davenport was stuck in Dirk Gently’s stairwell or chased around earth’s history by Arthur and Ford!

  219. Kaitlyn
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    A New Day – Mustachios and Mark Trail – I never liked my father, and now I know why.

    He’s a master criminal – stationed in Antarctica, I’ve seen the pictures! – so he’s been a cop for 10 years.

    They’ve taken over law enforcement on both sides of the border!

  220. Kaitlyn
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    My mom shouts what she claims is Japanese at my sister and I.

    That’s it.

    Damn, way to make me feel even more rootless Slylock Fox!

  221. Kaitlyn
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    217 – Or was it called a Chesterfield?

    It was.

  222. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    216

    Howdy!

    A man who has a dog for a lawyer has a (submit SOB joke here)

    Or perhaps it is just a Lab experiment?

  223. Josh
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    #206 Moon — Ah, pimpin’ Big Willie Style! To be fair to Hizzonner, I’m pretty sure he and his wife had already been separated for years at that point. I remember towards the end of his mayorship he knocked his girlfriend up (not sure if it’s the same one who wrote Wildcatting) and the Chron got a quote from his wife (who’s living in another state, I think) that was sort of amused and indulgent.

    What magazine did you work for in SF? Aren’t you an MD? How many darn lives do you lead?

    Josh

  224. SecretMargo
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    ltpftr — I don’t have a URL, so I usually leave that slot blank. Right now, though, I put in the address to a gallery of a France-based Japanese manga artist I like named Yamada Naito, so my name is blue. For the first time! Which is exciting for me.

    Anyhoo, that’s how it works; the URL is optional, but has to be a web address, not an email address.

  225. Red Greenback
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Can’t talk, I’m cleaning the carhold.

  226. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 6th, 2007 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    Secret Margo
    Kewl beanz.
    Are Aussi Manga artist Manga Roos? Or Joeys?

  227. Red Greenback
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    …and fishing out spare change from the crack in my loveseat. *ducks*

  228. Deena in OR
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    226….AAuuugghh!! (bleaching eyeballs :) )

  229. Trotzenbonnie
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    #226 – Red
    Brother, can you spare a dime?

  230. Red Greenback
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    Anything you want Trotz, Mi casa, su casa, …Wait a minute! What do I look like, a slot machine?! Oh yeah, i guess i do. Apple cheeks, cherry lips, and a black bar covering my eyes…it works!

  231. sonneta
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    FOOB (Fri): Holy Margo, Anthony’s turning into Connie Poirer in panel 3!

  232. Moon Mullins
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    222 Josh:

    I was Editor of Harpoon Magazine, a mildly-successful monthly humor rag that ran from 1990-1993. Our biggest claim to fame is having been the first vehicle for several young cartoonists, including Keith Knight, (who was an art director for us), and Tom Tomorrow. Bill Griffith (“Zippy”), Ace Backwords, and a couple of the “Six Chix” artists did illustrations and cartoons for us. We also had a lot of great writers who are pretty noteworthy today but likely wouldn’t be well-known on this board, and we also flirted with publishing a then-unknown SF kid named Dave Eggers.

    I took a bit of time off between residency and devoting myself to medicine full-time to do the magazine and some freelance writing. I had gone straight through — college, med school, residency — and never had taken any time off from the 100-plus-hour weeks at the hospital to try and enjoy myself and pursue the life’s dream, which the mag became. Eventually medicine drew me back, but it was probably the best few years of my life, and the friends I made in the magazine days are still my best friends.

    It was one of those friends, a writer for the mag who used to bust me up with his infatuation with ragging on the daily comics, that turned me on to this site.

  233. Loopina
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    I love the word “davenport”. Going to try to work that into a sentence today. It sounds sophisticated :)

    H&L: Lois, you dumbass, if you want the smell of baking pie to be at a house, you bake the pie at the house. My mom used to boil a pot of water with some vanilla extract when we were selling our house. Trying to cover the smell of a Malotte-sized family and a smelly old dog.

  234. Loopina
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    BB: Scaduto’s magic spiders are vacationing at Camp Swampy!

  235. KT
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    And here it is, the triumphant return of Fishhead, based on Thursday’s Mary Worth!

    http://kinkyturtle.masemware.com/cartoons/2007/maryworth3.gif

  236. Marion Delgado
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Foobaphobe:

    I’m sorry if you find Anthony sleeping in the top bunk “creepy.” You should probably know that it’s Francie’s fault. Anthony used to sleep in the top bunk until Francie said “I can’t sleep, daddy! I don’t like you staring at me around the bunk-bed! I wanna sleep on top!”

    So she asked to be on top, and Anthony gives her whatever she’s been asking for. It’s really as simple as that.

  237. Nell
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    I don’t know if anyone would be interested or not, but in case some of you would be, Lynn Johnston, creator of FBorFW was on the show The Hour last night, and if you go to http://www.cbc.ca/thehour and type Lynn Johnston in the little search bar on the left you can watch the interview.

  238. Anonymous
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    re: dasn’t – of course Popeye used a different tense of this when he sang “If anyone dasses to risk me “Fisk”,. It’s “BOFF” and its “WHAM” un’erstand?”

    Is Popeye of German descent?

  239. Moon Mullins
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    Well, the takeover of the funny pages is now complete, and joshreads.com officially is the target for cartoonists’ double-entendres, intended just for us. We now know we have Rex Morgan for pederasty, Judge Parker for ginormous sweater puppies, Funky for all things depressing, Beetle Bailey for wacky gay innuendo, Mark Trail for talking animals and side dishes, and …and….

    now Mary Worth is totally embracing the bestiality just for our benefit.

    I hope the love doesn’t injure your back, either, Mary, but doggie-style has hurt many a backside before.

  240. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    RE:

    benro @ 85:

    “Just once, I would like to see a fictional character working as a staff writer/artist or a dead-end job while producing some half-assed web-comic or blog on the side, instead of being in the 0.001% of writers/artists that achieve top-tier success.”

    And then:

    Ranger @ 87:

    “#85: See My Cage.”

    Being that Norm is my ‘alter ego’ in the strip, and I still have my day job, this exchange makes me very sad about my life.

    *Sigh*

    :)

  241. dreadedcandiru2
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: So, acording to Anthony, Santa won’t come if he doesn’t get to shtup the GGV. Way to go, eh? He just became a greasier prick than the Miracle Author.

  242. Red Greenback
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Nell, I couldn’t find the CBC link, but I found this, where Lynn is playing clarinet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkjb0wdg44k

  243. Godzooky
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    JP: Obstructed!

    Single and Looking: Not!

  244. Lindsey
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth 12/07: One can only hope… Maybe she WILL break her back. And Doctor Jeff will be the ONLY one who can save her, but he can’t enter her apartment because he’s allergic! The next strip has him battling Chester with a tennis racket and a gas mask!

  245. mumbles
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT: Come on, come on, when are you guys gonna kill Marty Moon?!?!?

    FOOB: Between the short-term thinking and the emotional manipulation, I don’t know how Pornstache could screw this up more…oh wait! A corny pun that doesn’t even really make sense! Guess what, when Christmas is over, Liz is back in the Whore Chair.

  246. Red Greenback
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke is a Great Dane, and it has been established that he has a træ i den hus. And I dare say he and the nabo hunde will be urinating heavily on it with ropy golden streams. A guy can dream, right?

  247. Trilobite
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Curses upon you, Friday’s comics:

    Judge Parker: I get the sense that Elvira Dickens has a smile as phony as Abbey’s hair color, and that there’s something in those brownies she’s shoveling into her neighbor’s maw. Knockout drops? A mind-control drug? Maybe just heapin’ handfuls of pure lard, to ruin Abbey’s figure? No, of course not — this is Judge Parker, after all. Passing the brownie plate back and forth is just a good way to burn off a week’s worth of strips without having to, y’know, actually DO anything.

    Mark Trail: Mark starts with the fact that Bull Malone got shot to death, and immediately jumps to the conclusion that someone in Bull’s family might have done it. But then, look at Cerry and Rusty — if you lived with them, wouldn’t you dream of shooting them and blaming it on a local man with a bad mustache? Or at least dream of getting shot to death by one of them, thereby freeing you from that living hell? Now, Mark may be an emotionally stunted robot-man, he may be the dullest tool in the shed, he may be a wooden emblem of all that is tedious and uninspired, he may be…hang on, I lost my train of thought. Oh, right — Mark may be a beefy slab of grade A prime doofus, but he knows that having to live with his own family is probable cause for a murder, so therefore he must assume that the same is true for Bull Malone’s relatives.

    Mary Worth: I guess no one “once said” anything about making two trips instead of trying to lug all your groceries in at once, huh? I guess we’ll see how much free time Mary has for her usual meddling and a new pet after she shatters her hip.

    Oh, and Chester, buddy — this is your last chance to defile Mary Worth’s apartment, you understand? A nation of readers is praying that you’ll destroy every single room of that pastel hell, and if you let us down, I swear to god I’ll start a petition to get you shuffled over to Marmaduke. You don’t want that, pup. Trust me on this.

    Phantom: Actually, I think whichever Phantom designed that costume is the one who’s most responsible for revealing him to the world. Those stripey briefs don’t exactly leave a lot to the imagination, Ghost-Who-Waves-His-Package-At-Evil.

  248. Rainbird
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    210 Daktari

    Yes, I try to keep those sort of expressions alive as well. Even ones that my mother never used, or even my grandmother. It’s fun. My favorite is saying goodbye, usually to the cats as they go outside, by saying “Write if you get work,” because I heard Bugs Bunny saying it when he said goodbye. Swell is great. I love that, as well as Groovy, Neato, Kean, and fab.

  249. Trilobite
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    #246 — Cherry, not “Cerry.” And even with previewing it first. *sigh*

    I guess this daylight savings thing is rough on me, what with the Chronicle’s updates only coming through at 11pm local time. Maybe I need to start taking naps during the day.

  250. Hobbes Fan
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    For 12/7

    FW: I’ve never wished for a small explosion in a comic strip more than I have this week.

    FOOB: No, Asslips, that’s called bribing and manipulation. Your little moppet will one day be recalling all of this to her schoolboard-appointed psychiatrist.

    “Too bad you don’t like Liz, because I think I hear Santa having a massive heart attack in our chimney right now….”

  251. NotThatGuy
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    MW: So Mary’s gonna kill Chester off slowly by feeding him economy-brand dogfood with extra melamine goodness?

  252. Fianna
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the BC strip today with the Apteryx practically a duplicate of one from many years ago? I remember one in a collection my mother owned which was practically the same thing.

  253. Deena in OR
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    247-And does that quirkyness drive Huntingbyrd as crazy as it does my offspring when I do it? :)

  254. Rainbird
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    #239Ed Power, writer of My Cage

    Well, all I can say is, that’s how Scott Adams started, so have hope.

    And Huntingbyrd, my daughter, thinks your strip is great.

    (of course we can only read it on-line as none of our papers carry it. *sigh*)

  255. Rainbird
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    #252 Deena in OR oh of course.

    Although, every so often I get into a converstation with her, on our long half hour trips to and from school, about how phrases have changed, and how “cool” has remained, while things like groovy have not.

  256. Spiny Norman
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Hey! I haven’t posted since the beginning of the school year, ’cause I’ve been too busy—-ummm, teaching and stuff.

    But I have this weird memory of “hassocks” cropping up in the actual novel (as opposed to movie) of 101 Dalmatians. In the church? (I could be wrong–it’s been a while.)

    BTW, I am also oddly familiar with davenports, antimacassars*, watch-guards, and bed-warmers**.

    *funky doily things you put on your couch to keep Creepy Victorian Suitor #3′s greased hair from screwing up your upholstery.
    **other than my husband

    #247: And Rainbird, I too am a fan (as you know) of the ROP (Random Obsolete Phrase). But then, I’m a square.

  257. Skulking on the Outskirts
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    I actually had to learn to stop calling it a ‘hassock’ and call it an ottoman, so people would know what the hell I was talking about. The weird thing is, I don’t know where I picked up ‘hassock’. We didn’t have any such item of furniture in our house when I was a kid. Mom went for recliners.

    And….CHENNUX is back! Woooohoooo! Welcome back, O Glorious Imperial Reptilian Monarch! Long may your mighty skrxcitort…..uh, do whatever it is that skrxcitorts do.

    HAIL CHENNUX!

  258. Spiny Norman
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    #256: Skulking on the Outskirts:

    Oh, dear. I was hoping not to have to explain skrxcitorts. So. Um. Okay.

    When a massive, all-powerful reptile and his Third Concubine Once Removed love each other very much…

    …oh, go ask your father.

  259. Dub Not Dubya
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    Friday’s Lio made me laugh out loud. I suspect this crossover is more affectionate than many of the others he’s done.

    JP: I am so hoping that Abbey goes on a bad acid trip from spiked brownies.

    Thanks to everyone for the props on the mashup I linked yesterthread! Putting all those punches, slaps and other types of destruction together was kind of cathartic.

  260. Bobdog
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    Sfx: Harriet Heron claims that Count Weirdly has just stolen her favorite pink chair. Count Weirdly says he’s been home all evening reading. Why does Slylock suspect he’s lying?

    Because the candle that Count Weirdly is reading by hasn’t… actually …wait a minute … nevermind — that candle has clearly been in use all evening. It’s the Heron that’s lying. Slylock just hates green people, that’s all — his mother always told him that ‘green people are dirty rotten liars’ — then she would shove him into a dark closet while she finished her bottle of scotch.

  261. Bobdog
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:18 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke(12/07/07): The killing fields of Marmaduke are not nearly as shocking as his owner’s near indifference to the human remains scattered across his back lawn — yes it’s an untidy mess when the big dog doesn’t bury the evidence of his victims, but not even that is worth much chastising (“Bad dog! Very bad dog! You bury the bones of those that you’ve slaughtered and stripped the flesh from! Bad!”)

  262. Mr. O’Malley
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    215. Land sakes! Wasn’t there just recently a comic strip dealing with this very topic?

    Macassar” was a kind of gent’s hair oil. “Antimacassar” is a kind of doily that you drape over the back of a chair to prevent the upholstery getting stained.

    A doily is …

    Upholstery is …

    Land o’ Goshen! I’ll be here all night at this rate. Don’t you sprats cotton on to using the Google?

  263. Spotted HØrse
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    #206 Moon Mullins: Buddy, I had absolutely no image for the concept “frank jordan” before your post and my idiot compulsion to Google Image Search. Gee, uh, thanks! (For those clicking on the link for the first time: Frank’s the guy on the right. Who else would he be?)

    #246 Red Greenback: Artsy! And oddly compelling. I had no idea that Lynn could totally blow reed.

  264. Frank Parsnip
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: The bigger the beehive, the more Ruby likes it. ‘Cause they grow them beehives big down in Texas.

    MT: I’m trying to figure out where this “Back to the Future” edition of Mark Trail is going to take us. Johnny Malotte, French fishing and game guide with a dream, caught back in 1916 on a trumped-up charge of murdering Bull Malone. In order to tell Mark Trail to come to the rescue, Johnny had to tell his wife Marie to please survive until 1960, at which time she was to telephone Mark to use their time machine to come to the rescue. (If you have any doubt that Mark came from 1960, please just look at that suit and tie and ask yourself whether JFK was on the campaign trail then.) Mark, thusly alerted, comes back to 1916 to a younger Marie and a Johnny Malotte who is still in jail and not yet strung up by a mob.

    The true answer to this murder mystery? Mark Trail actually went back in time to the day of the murder, grabbed Malotte’s gun out of the boat while Johnny was having coffee with Doughboy Steve, used his superior nature skills to track Bull Malone to the perfect place to subject him to a high-caliber “Buckwheats” shooting.

    Yes, this little time whorl will keep going to infinity unless Mark and Johnny can get … “Back to the Future”!

    MW: You want to see a labor of love? It’s a beagle who can lick his eyebrows… a pooch who waits eagerly at Mary’s dust-queefing vagina height for her to get home. Dr. Jeff ought to be jealous because little Chester is glad to reciprocate by giving back a few bones of his own. More information on Mary Worth having sex with animals can be found on the internet.

    Jugs Parker: Watch out, Abbey — those Dickensian holiday brownies are filled with bitter chocolate to emulate the bitter life of Ebenezer Scooge. There’s a life lesson in every bite.

    Sex Organ, M.D.: The cavalcade of dumbness continues. Does Rex have any sort of filter between the things that run through his mind and the things that come out his mouth? Hey, that’s a .40 caliber slug — looks like you got shot by the police… Hey, you’re that bank robber everybody’s looking for… If Rex and Niki end up taking a dirtnap for this, it’s all going to be Rex’s fault.

    Just a word to the wise, if you are in close proximity to a desperate criminal, then that’s a great time to shut your own mouth and let him think that you believe he’s nothing more than a hunting-accident victim with anger-management issues. You don’t need to clarify that you know he’s a desperate criminal whose next best step is to silence you forever.

  265. Mr. O’Malley
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:30 am [Reply]

    TDIET: No, I haven’t noticed. In fact, I can’t remember in the last 40 years ever seeing a TV commercial for a car repair place.

    But it appears that all that Wurshell needs is a new radiator cap. I think Kragen could probably solve that problem.

    As far as “The urge to dump my TV set” goes, Wurshell, you should go for it. In all the time you’ve wasted watching Jerry Springer you could have learned to speak Italian or how to make dim sum at your local community college.

  266. Skulking on the Outskirts
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    257, Spiny Norman: Um, that’s okay, really, I don’t need to know all that bad……

    ……and I’m downright scared to ask for an explanation of “dust-queefing”…….

  267. Donald The Anarchist
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    Not to be nitpicky or nothin’ but I hope that not EVERY mention of a pol banishes people to the Cockpit… I mean, when someone gets shot in the face, it’s downright CRUEL not to be allowed to mention our VP, and I think the same should apply to anyone who chooses to relate any alcohol fuelled auto mayhem w/ Teddy and Chappaquiddick…

    I understand that rants aren’t allowed but some of the guys on either side of the aisle are essentially walking cartoons anyway so comparisons to the real life funny pages are kinda hard to avoid at times…

  268. Skulking on the Outskirts
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    ……especially in conjunction with anybody’s vagina, but most especially with (gulp!) Mary Worth’s!

  269. Little A.
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    MW: Nothing like the best for my little Chester — an economy size sack of ACME DOG CHOW. Yesseree, nothing but the best for him

  270. The Avocado Avenger
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    Skulking, your posts are funny, but with Donald’s post sandwiched between yours, they took on a whole new meaning. “…comparisons to the real life funny pages are kinda hard to avoid at times…especially in conjunction with anybody’s vagina…”

    You two should pair up and write fanfic. You’d make millions. I’m not joking, this is fanfic *gold*.

  271. GWAR
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Jugs Parker – mmm…Hash Brownies…

  272. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    224 Red
    Dictionary.com does not have ‘carhold’
    Weird.

  273. Frank Parsnip
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Mary’s not the only one with problems. Poor Dr, Jeff probably hasn’t had the pipes cleaned in years.

  274. The Avocado Avenger
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    #207 SecretMargo, that kind of writing has been a career goal of mine for years. YEARS. If I had a book published with some faux Fabio and bodice-busting babe on the cover, I’d be elated. Surprisingly, I’ve been accused of having bad taste. No, it’s true.

    Snark’s just not coming to me this morning. I think it’s because most of my brain is still trying to work “cockpodes” into conversation.

  275. Godzooky
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Why have one of these in the car trunk, when you can nominate yourself for martyrdom and sainthood in one thought bubble?

  276. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    259
    Bobdog
    Thanks
    What about Uncle Massacar?

  277. smacky
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    FC: “If it’s two against one, I’d rather be one of the twos.”

    In the first week of her freshman year, Dolly will be drunkenly repeating that exact sentence to a couple of frat boys.

  278. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    I meant 261 and Mr. O’Malley

  279. Calico
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    MW – Economy + Acme = Melamine + return trip to the vet = Mary’s empty wallet

    I, too, hope the dog trashed the apartment while she was out doing good by purchasing Brand X doggy chow. Some sense of virtue.

  280. smacky
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I’m not a parent, so lemme ask parents: How common is it to use the “better be good for Santa” line? approve of using it? Or is it up there with “If you keep being bad, I’m going to tell that policeman over there to take you to jail!” on the bad idea meter?

  281. Calico
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    #275 – *snort*
    COTW nom

  282. Calico
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    #278 – It’s not quite as high on the bad-o-meter as “If you’re not a good girl or boy, I’ll make you read Michael’s book.”

  283. AhClem
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    #280 Calico -
    That would be a sure-fire way to have your kids taken away by the courts. Severe corporal punishment is one thing, but that goes beyond the bounds of sadism and cruelty.

  284. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    278
    Smacky
    It is best done casually, more as a distraction than a promise/threat/bribe.

    And done rarely.

    I introduce my kids to cops everywhere we go. Or I say “Thanks, Officer” if they are directing traffic.

  285. smacky
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    You know who used to help Mary with her groceries? ALDO, that’s who. But she killed him, and now has to carry her groceries alone.

    Never forget.

  286. Little A.
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Mr. O’Malley mentions those old children’s street games and rhymes etc. that are becoming extinct. Well a serious study (probably more than one) has been published about this subject, and I am sure you can get a copy on the internet, I have a copy but it’s in a box and I don;t remember the author’s name, but the book is titled, Lore and Language of Schoolchildren, and it was published by one of the academic presses in England about 50 years ago. Maybe it’s available in paperback now.

    It was interesting to read about many of the rhymes and games that we used to play in New York City — they originated in England and Ireland and other places — which is not surprising since they would have been brought over to America by the little immigrant children in the 19th century and the early 20th century. Since we no longer have much of a European immigrant children’s population in the USA this particular aspect of children’s culture has died out. And of course television and video games and other cultural changes have contributed to its demise over the past several decades.

    This particular aspect of “children’s lore” was largely an urban, lower middle-class or lower class sort of lore. Although of course if you grew up on a farm I suppose you played games, too, if you had any time, in between milking the cows and walking five miles to school every day.

    I am generalizing of course. Anybody interested in this subejct should obtain a copy of that book.

  287. Whippersnapper
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Foob: The next time Elly or John waxes eloquent about what a wonderful parent Granthony is, I’m going to scream until my throat bleeds, because I’ll be remembering today, when Granthony walks out of Francie’s room, smugly punning about how he just emotionally blackmailed her into spending yet more time with Liz. If Francie’s smart, she’ll bide her time until after she’s gotten her Christmas presents, and then relaunch her campaign to get rid of Liz.

    Also, shouldn’t the pun be “Claus and effect”? Or is Granthony punning on his grammatical skills?

  288. Quacks Like A Duck
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Can I just say how much I enjoy Lio?

  289. Weaselboy
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    MW: Acme Dog Food? Is she trying to catch the Roadrunner?

  290. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Avocado Avenger
    Now that Secret Margo has given me the code for who gets blue, I am looking at blogs.

    Yours is great!

    Yumpin’ Yimini!

    In your research did you ever see if Red Skelton used Brendel’s act?

  291. loudlikeamouse
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    I’m rather disturbed by the way that Apartment 3G ends here. Does anyone else hear the faint ‘bow-chika-wow” on the sexy bass kicking in after Margo’s clear come-on? In a strange parallel universe that is far more interesting and less suited to the daily newspaper, Ruby replies to Margo with another cheap come-on, and they get rid of that apron.

    Of course, if Margo’s excellent expression in the last panel is an indication of parallel-universe sex, then why does it match Mary Worth’s expression in HER last panel?

  292. The Avocado Avenger
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    #288 ltrftp – Glad you like the blog! I’m on an El Brendel kick right now, and probably boring the socks off any regular readers I have.

    I haven’t heard a thing about Skelton and Brendel, although I understand Brendel did have a hat-changing act that a British comedian (whose name I’ve already forgotten… Timothy something, I believe) essentially stole. I suspect a lot of the older comedians who worked on vaudeville stole each other’s stuff, probably to the point to where it was impossible to know who originated what.

  293. Must Love Dogs
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

  294. The Avocado Avenger
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    #290 – Tommy Cooper. Duh, it was in one of the links I had in my post. He’s a British (or Welsh?) comedian who had a famous act in the 70s where he deliberately got magic tricks wrong in hilarious ways. Apparently he did Brendel’s hat-changing act, too.

  295. C. Havoc
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    No, Mary, that “Economy Brand” dog food may not injure your back, but it is almost certain to injure your carpet. I, for one, cannot wait to see her reaction tomorrow when she discovers multiple piles of her thrift all over the apartment.

  296. Saxman
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Luanne (Black Christmas)

    You have to have a hard copy of the Houston Chronice to fully appreciate the awesome inappropriateness of today’s Luanne.

    As previously described, the Chron now hand colors a page of comics, including Luanne. Since the artist assumes the daily strips will be printed in black and white, he renders red as solid black. This apparently confounds whoever is doing the Chron’s coloring.

    For the past week, Santa Claus and other Christmas decorations have featured prominantly in the story-line, and with the rest of of the stip colored, it looks like Santa (or red ribbon, or candy cane stripes) are purposefully black. (Santa looks like an LA Goth parody or more likely one of General Zod’s more disfunctional Kryptonians).

    Today it sorta all came together, with a view of the decorated house, complete with a giant black-dressed Santa, giant black ribbon, and a candy cane striped with red and white and black.

    people seeing it just HAVE to think the boys have done some inappropriate Lio-esque decorations.

  297. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    I’m a member of the Alice’s Restaurant Anti-Massacar Movement, and all I had to do to join was to sing it the next time it came around on the guitar. With feeling.

    That said, let’s play Alternate Dialog Friday.

    A3G: “Hold on, Ruby! You own a salon?! Then why do you look like that?!”

    Archie: “So, will Sheila go out with you?” “It’s iffy!” “What’s that mean?” “I was so busy staring at her naked breasts I wasn’t really listening to her answer!”

    DtM: “Last chance! Cut me in, or the negatives go to the police!”

    FC: “Then the voice promised me power if I’d deliver a virjin snack-a-fice, whatever that is! So, wanna come over?”

    GT:‘Game film’? You seriously think anyone needs to scout our playing style to stomp these losers into the mud?” “Hah! Yeah, I guess you’re right. Hey, let’s have some fun! We’ll tell Marty one of the Tilden kids is a rapist!”

    H&J: “Didja stop to think maybe she wouldn’t see ‘weekly bondage night’ as an improvement?”

    JP: “These brownies are great! Kind of a unique… taste, though… say, why do I… feel… woozy….” *thud*

    MT: “Bull’s new wife wouldn’t be named Sally Thomas, would she?”

    MW: “…” (Actually, there is nothing I can say about erect Chester that won’t get me banned from polite society for life. Never mind.)

    MC: “…masturbating to the ladies’ room security camera video.”

    Phantom: “No! Devil, NO! Hold it ’till I let you… and there you go. You make it awful hard to be mysterious, you know that?”

  298. Calico
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    #292 – I wouldn’t touch Grinchthony with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pooooooollllle!

    Cue music, horn section, etc.

    Man, this little Xmas triangle is getting kind of uber-dysfunctional, even for the Foobiverse, eh?

    I think we should go caroling at Lynn’s house and sing songs about werewolves and poutine.

  299. Calico
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    #280 – now #276-COTW nom
    It got bumped ahead by Dolly’s huge head.

  300. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    12/7

    MF: It seems that since Sparky passed on, Peppermint Patty and Marcy have to take work where they find it.

    MC: It’s kind of hard to determine with all the crisscrossed anthropomorphism, but I’m thinking any girl that could fit in that cake would have six legs and compound eyes. Who knows? Maybe Max is into that. Lust is a many-splendoured thing.

    Ziggy: Oxygen bars really do ban smoking, for reasons that are (KA-BOOM) self evident. So this Ziggy is accurate. Where’s the joke, though?

    MW: I see that Mary gets her dog food the same place Wile E Coyote gets his dynamite. And in bulk, too. You can tell she’s really serious about finding the owner.

    BB: Beetle on his knees in front of Sarge’s desk? Too easy, squared.

    C-Shaft: If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of Hell old man.

    FC: Besides further exposing Dolly’s sociopathic tendencies, today’s panel contains effed-up perspective to make even Gil Thorp marvel. Or is Dolly surrounded by grey pixies.

    Archie: For some odd reason Sheila doesn’t want to be a regular in the strip.

    Phantom: “And whatever happened to Billy Zane’s career? It’s like he just fell off the face of the earth.”

    Lockhorns: It’s primitive foreplay, but it could work.

    S-M: She’s got you there, Spider-Weenie.

    H&J: Don’t know if this character has ever been properly named, so for now let’s just call him “White Guy Who Cries Himself to Sleep Every Night.”

    Big Dog: A better caption might be, “I’m amazed the gas man’s family never came looking for him.”

  301. Godzooky
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Maybe a Houston Chronicle reader can scan and post the hard copy of Luann somewhere. Might do the same with Zits next time it features Virus, er, Viral. Online, she’s a white teen. In N.Y. Daily News, she’s apparently African-American.

  302. JamesinMaine
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    MT: The consoling arm around the teary wife. The shifty eyes as he inquires about family. The cocky pose. I’d say Mark was getting ready to make a move on Marie — but for the fact that beneath that suit he is as smooth as a Ken doll.

  303. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    #296 Spider-Brick,
    I had much the same thought on “Parker.” In fact I’m waiting to see if Woody Wilson is seriously taking the story in that direction. Of course that would mean plot development in “Judge Parker”, a sign of the end times.

  304. Eau de Plugger
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp usually bends my mind, but the line “Let’s dance with who brung us – and keep the Wing-T off the game film.” breaks it.

    What?

    Another thing about that panel…it looks like DC/Marvel finally had a crossover with Aquaman and Submariner.

  305. Godzooky
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    My pet MT theory: It’s Johnny Malotte’s son, Paul. He’s definitely got motive and, unless he has a good alibi for where he was at the time of the shooting, means and opportunity.

  306. googs
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Why am I not surprised to see Francie has bunk beds? And I would be even less surprised to discover Anthony sleeps on the bottom bunk.

  307. The Dailey Jon
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Oh, for the love of God. Not only is Anthony a whining, pasty, dorky, creepy slob and a terrible father, but now we get to see a prime example of how manipulative he is.

    Anthony telling his daughter that she will be responsible if Santa Claus gets upset because Elizabeth cries is just plain sick. Talk about a real mind-screw being thrust upon a small child. What emotional and mental abuse this is!

    Elizabeth. It’s always about Elizabeth. It’s always going to be Elizabeth ahead of Francoise, isn’t it? Anthony is hell-bent to get Elizabeth, whatever it takes, even if it means sacrificing his own daughter. And he’s doing just that.

    Lynn’s readers who love Anthony really like it when the comic is realistic, I see those comments written on the foob-talk all the time. When it comes to Michael and his book, that series of event really isn’t true-to-life. But Anthony’s manipulation and abuse of his daughter for his own desires? That sure is.

  308. The Avocado Avenger
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    #296 You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant, exceptin’ Alice.

  309. Allie Cat
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    #296 – SSB – So we’ll just wait til it comes around on the guitar again, and sing it when it does.

    MW – Mary, Mary – we know that cheap dog food is really for you. We all know that meddlers aren’t in it for the money. They’re in it for the glory!

    FOOB – That’s some of the worst parenting I’ve ever seen. I hope something bad happens to Anthony while they’re visiting Santa – maybe an elf punches him in the nuts or something.

    PS – antimaccassar was one of my vocab words in English in 7th Grade. That same week, we also had antediluvian. Yes, I was in an eggheads class. Loved it!

  310. The Avocado Avenger
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey – I’m distinctly uncomfortable with Beetle posting for the poster of “Platoon”.

    FOOB – Why didn’t I notice she was in a bunk bed? Oh, I know, it was because I was horrified into a catatonic state by Blandthony’s blatant manipulation of his little daughter.

    Sally Forth – I like Sally’s boss. Anyway, I think the real book Sally is referring to is Who Moved My Cheese.

  311. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Frank Parsnip said,

    More information on Mary Worth having sex with animals can be found on the internet.

    I’m sure it can, but no way in hell am I looking for it while I’m at the office. Or ever for that matter.

  312. Joe
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    FOOB:

    Panel 1:
    Lipthony: “So, you want me all to yourself? Francie: “Uh-huh”
    Lipthony: “You don’t want me to be with anyone else?”
    Francie: “Nope”
    Lipthony: “Well, too bad, you little shit. Fuck off. Who the fuck do you think you are anyway?? You better just start dealing with it. Liz is your mommy and you better just accept it!”

    Panel 2:
    Lipthony: “Too bad you don’t like your mommy Eloserbreath. I promised I’d try to buy her affections with dinner and shopping, maybe I can get into her pants. We were going to see Santa, but I guess we’ll just come back here so I can talk her into giving me a blowjob.”
    Francie: “I wanna see Santa. If I don’t, I’m going to stab Lizzie’s eyes out in her sleep!”

    Panel3:
    Lipthony: “You mommy will cry if she can’t come. I will cry. Santa will hate you forever and ever and you’ll never get anything for Christmas ever again. And then you’ll cry again. And daddy drinks because you cry. This is all your fault! I wish you were never born!”
    Francie: “*****siiiigghhhhh.***** OK. That bitch can come. But only if she sits in the whore chair. Under the whore picture. It’s for whores. Like her.”

    Panel4:
    Lipthony: “Another successful mind-fuck!! YES!”

  313. Mel
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MT: Please, please be Sam Hill driven insane from the duck induced tumor just behind her left eye. She won’t have facial hair but she could have an eye patch and a libido!

  314. pedant patrol
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    #311 Joe, there are all sorts of places on the Internet where you can publish stuff like that, but this should not be one of them. You’re going to make Josh rethink his policy of never deleting comments. Desist, please.

  315. joeyjoejoe
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Meta-comment:

    Is it just me, or are the comments on this page increasingly formulated specifically to sound like off-the-cuff pithy remarks? It seems like no one’s actually having a conversation anymore; we all just compose these ready-made “Comments of the Week.” If you want to make snarky comments, start your own blog. I can rarely even make it to all the comments anymore, because there’s so much chaff to sort through.

  316. Lindsey
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    What the heck is wrong with the last panel in Gil Thorp? I don’t claim to know anything about football lingo… but, Let’s dance with who brung us – and keep the wing-t off he game film” is he on crack? Someone explain.

  317. The Avocado Avenger
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    #314 – I don’t know, but personally, I think there’s a lot of finger-pointing, complaining, and comments that go way too far into tasteless territory lately. It seems rather hostile around here. And at the risk of being flung head-first into the Cockpi, I don’t think “start your own blog” is helping.

  318. man behind the curtain
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MW — I think it’s time for Carlos Alora to make an appearance and help Mary with her groceries.

  319. Brick Bradford
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Josh, my family lived in Buffalo from 1969-77 (the blizzard of ‘finally drove the parents to warmer climes). We lived in Williamsville (Yes, I’m a Billy).
    You?

  320. Josh
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    People, I don’t have time to be blogdaddy today. Desist from the infighting.

    All posts must adhere to the four rules of the site, to be found here, and exclusively interpreted by me:

    http://joshreads.com/?page_id=514

    Otherwise, go nuts. I don’t have the energy to prune or edit posts beyond that. They will get filthy. They may in fact resemble a sub-blog on this blog, as one of my friends once put it. They may very well not actually be funny. But c’est la vie. If you really want me to remove a post of yours, I will remove it at your request (though don’t make a habit of it, it wastes my time.)

    I specifically created the forum as a place where people could have more threaded discussions with each other:

    http://www.joshreads.com/forum/

    So if you want to have a more conversational conversation, you may want to check that out.

    Josh

  321. Mibbitmaker
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    BBailey: Sarge says that in the last panel with a quiet tear trickling down his face. Beetle, you see, is… dead.

    A3G: And the greatest challenge of all for Ruby is struggling for a job to make ends meet WHILE SHE ALREADY OWNS A LUCRATIVE BUSINESS!

    FC: “…than two of the ones. What was I talking about again?”

    FW: There was nothing wrong with the old one — and, by that, I mean FW. Mopey Little’s old book sucked.

    FOOB: Cruel, evil mind games. It’s not really his fault, though, he just confused Dr. Spock with Machiavelli. It could happen to anyone.

    A3G (again): “D-did I say ‘my salon’?? I-I-I meant to say, ‘my place in the unemployment line’! ….’cause… uh… all the jobless were really pretty… and I wanted that… yeah, sugar, that’s the ticket…..”

    Cranky: “… I’ll finally go see a hearing specialist! …Or at least a psychiatrist. MAN, I’m losing it!”

  322. Josh
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    #318 Brick — My parents are made of sterner stuff, apparently, as they’re still there :). I bounced around the ‘burbs (Lockport, Blasdell, Hamburg) as a wee one but by the time I started 1st grade I was in Buffalo proper — my dad lived first on the West Side and moved to Allentown (where he still lives) when I was in high school; my mom lived also on the West Side till I was in junior high, then moved to South Buffalo, then (after I left town for college) to W. Seneca. Went to Hutch Tech for HS…

    Josh

  323. Bunnë
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    131 Schlimmerkerl
    Ha! Funny comments.

    149 K Bear
    The beauty of that episode of the Simpsons in that Bart says “Roman numerals? They didn’t even try to teach us that!”, when in fact in an earlier scene, Mrs. Krabappel is seen trying to teach the class roman numerals. That, and the fact that if Bart doesn’t chose the right door he’ll be eaten by a lion or something.

    Daktari – speaking of old expressions, one I picked up from my father that sounds totally normal to me and yet somehow manages to stump the people around me is “How’s tricks?” Most common response: “Who’s Trix?”

    Speaking of chesterfields and davenports, I recall a conversation with a friend in high school in which a friend was telling me something about a settee, and I interrupted to say, “What’s a settee?”, and she angrily responded, “It’s a sofa!”. So: sofa, couch, chesterfield, davenport, settee… any others?

    You know what I want? Some day I want someone to come over to my house and walk into my living room and say, “Hey! Nice chesterfield!” I may have to move to Canada.

  324. Cranky
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Francie is going to be in therapy for years and years and years.

  325. Max
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Looks like Anthony’s giving Mike a run for his money in the 2007 Canadian Douchebag Championship competition. Hard to say which is worse — ignoring your children completely, or manipulating their emotions to advance your own carnal desires. Elizabeth might cry if she doesn’t get to see Santa Claus? I thought Francoise was advanced enough to see through that one. Lame. “Clause and Effect”? Oh, that must be that amazing sense of humor John’s always bragging about. He ought to call the Patter-manor and let the old man in on his latest example of prime wit: “You see, it’s funny because I tricked my daughter so that I can sleep with yours. I laughed myself so hard!”

  326. man behind the curtain
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    FBOW — This poor little girl. First abandoned by her mother. And now concerned that she’s losing the attentions of her father. And what does she get? No Santa without the presence of a stranger. I understand Grandthony’s desire for female companionship but a little more compassion for his child. After all, she is a child.

  327. gleeb
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    For the record, I only use “hassock” when quoting a dirty limerick about a Bishop of Birmingham.

    ‘shaft: Schulz’s “Harold Angel” was better. And first.

    Dick: What with all the shadows and unexpected angles, this is becoming the Hostage Drama of Doctor Caligari.

    FBoFW: That’s it, give the young one a proper taste of manipulation.

    ‘bean: Just in case you missed it, Tiny Pete here’s a writer. And he has a newly-published book he’s trying to sell.

    Parker: “Have another brownie. Then try to drive home. Bwa-ha-ha!”

    Phantom: “Where on Earth did she see me? And do these folks have any leftovers in the icebox?”

  328. Montag
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT: Today’s last panel of Gil Thorp is probably the best drawn (and by that I mean ‘least garish’) picture of assistant-coach-guy I’ve seen since I’ve been following the strip. I find it fitting that for once the artwork actually “humanizes” the characters as they gaze longingly into each other’s eyes, perhaps acknowledging some long buried sentiment… Or maybe they’re only musing over HOW FUCKING MUCH the Wing-T offense is gonna RULE.

    In any case, I think this warrants a Gil Thorp Remix.

  329. gh
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    I learned “davenport” from my grandparents. They were from the old country [Indiana]. And in the garage, under a sheet, there was a large metal object they called a “DeSoto.” I think it was something like a double-davenport.

  330. Little Guy
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    JP: MOVE THAT {BOXCAR} CUP OUT OF THE WAY, YOU {MARGO}-ING…., I mean, can the plot move more fluently, please?

    FOOB/GWONG: I was going to make a comment about his mythical wife crying over a mythical figure, but I have to come up with the best line from “Robot Chicken Star Wars Special”: Oh geez, she crying!

  331. Rainbird
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    264 Frank Parsnip

    Oh, I love that explanation of Mark Trail, and gasp, it makes sense. Now, that version of the strip I could really enjoy. Anything with time travel it in makes for a pleasurable read.

  332. Laura c
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    The “Letters of Evelyn Waugh” includes a short note Waugh wrote to Erle Stanley Gardner, the mystery writer, to inform him that he misused the word davenport. It turns out davenport has different meanings in the US and the UK. Why Waugh bothered to write the letter is another story: maybe he was off his meds that day, or maybe using the wrong word just really, really bothered him.

  333. lynnkapynn
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    #194

    my grandpa, from northeast ohio, uses all 3 of those terms. hmm, my shift key appears to be non-functional. i always say hassock, and my husband has always made fun of me. the first few times i said it, he had no idea what i was talking about, and we were born and raised in the same town. never used davenport or dasn’t myself though.

  334. Al
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Dilbert — Scott Adams managed to kill off the intern, not once but twice, within 3 panels? Let’s see Batiuck match that!

  335. your father isn't mr. cohen
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Oh, how delighted I am to hear other people talk about davenports! I grew up in Iowa, and when we went to stay at my grandparents house, my grandma would always tell me that I was going to sleep on the davenport, which sounded to me like something that would be on the front porch. Then I was always confused when I wound up sleeping on the couch…

    A3G: Why does Ruby have such a strange and vaguely menacing look on her face when she talks about her salon? Is it an evil salon? Did the salon do her wrong somehow?

    Phantom: I don’t think I’ve seen him punch anyone in months. It makes me sad. Instead he breaks into the homes of suburbanites to watch them sleep and brood over their child’s artwork.

  336. A Plugger
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    #323 Bunnë –

    So: sofa, couch, chesterfield, davenport, settee… any others?

    We call ours “backseat hauled out of a 1976 AMC Pacer.” It’s probably a regionalism.

  337. commodorejohn
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Margo doing a double-take is possibly the funniest thing in today’s comics.

    BB – Beetle died. Spiders built webs on him and sucked out his juices, leaving only his dried, desiccated remains.

    DT – So…wait…what was Dick’s plan again? Tear the painting off the wall and leap into the heating duct behind it to continue the conversation as before? I don’t get it.

    FC – Dolly looks like she’s explaining Scientology to her friend.

    FOOB – Well, you know those loathing points that Anthony lost yesterday by sucking it up and apparently realizing that hey, that’s life? He just earned ‘em back, double. Not only is he still giving that too-creepy-for-words vibe with his daughter (I don’t think anything has ever given me the shudders quite like panel one,) he’s being as emotionally manipulative as…well, as every other Good Patterson or Patterson Affiliate. Creepy fuck.

    FW – Khan!? This better end with him sticking a mind-control bug in Mopey Pete’s ear, or I will be very miffed.

    Garfield – I chuckled again.

    GA – By golly, it is December 7th, isn’t it? Well, if we have any veterans hanging out here, thanks, guys.

    GT – Looks like the good folks at the syndicate forgot to translate this one from Thorpian.

    JP – You know, when the brownie jokes started, I just kinda chuckled and moved on, but with all the camera attention being lavished on these brownies, I’m beginning to wonder if those jokes weren’t on the mark after all.

    MW – Mary, if you’re worried about back strain, either get rid of the damn dog or suck it up and buy smaller bags for a higher price. Whiner.

    OBH – Every time I see that lady I get the urge to murder something.

    Popeye – WE GET IT ALREADY!

    Edison Lee – You know what’s really sad about this strip? The Archie Laugh-Generating Joke Unit 3000 writes better jokes than a real live person.

  338. Jim
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    #334: Don’t worry, Al. We’ll see Asok again soon. As we all know from Apu Nahasapemapetilon, “You cannot kill a Hindu!”

  339. Rex Morgan
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Hmm, I am intrigued by this “cockpit” I keep hearing about.

  340. Trotzenbonnie
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Divan? Did anyone mention divan?

    Sorry, everybody, I have to stick up for Anthony. He acknowledged his child’s feelings without criticizing, allowed her to see how acting on those feelings would affect others without judging her and empowered the child by guiding her to make a decision to act based not on the selfish fulfillment of her own wishes only but balanced with the realization that she also needed to have consideration for others.
    Let the stoning season begin!

    (Hey, Adele! I’ll take my endorsement fees in small bills, please.)

  341. Bootsy
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    # 309, Allie Cat, I have always loved the words antediluvian and postdiluvian, rarely getting to use them. However, they’re much more common (at least in my conversation) since life in New Orleans is divided that way now for everyone who lives here.

    Bunne (soory i can’t do the umlaut) # 323, everyone who walks into the Driver/Spencer household in JP says to Abbey “Nice chesterfield!”

    I had to say it! Someone was going to.

    joeyjoejoe, apparently you should hang out here late at night when the comments get more conversational (more drunk too not that there’s anything wrong with that).

  342. erikagwen
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    GT: does this mean we get to enjoy a few panels tomorrow of shemales dancing? B/c I think that might be more fun than whatever the story line is…

  343. Bootsy
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Rolly Church of Crete! I can spell umlaut but not sorry? Sheesh.

  344. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    I’ll second Trotz’s (340) defense of Anthony. All children do need discipline. One of the things they have to be both taught and disciplined to do is respect the feelings of others. The lessons he’s teaching Francie now decrease the odds of her one day saying, “Daddy, that lady at the register has been pregnant for so long!”

  345. BigTed
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Once again, I found myself reading “FOOB” this morning and thinking, “This isn’t funny, but I still can’t wait to hear what Josh has to say.” In the meantime:

    Here’s what else Anthony can threaten Francie with if she doesn’t pretend to like spending time with Elizabeth:

    – Put the New Year’s baby in an orphanage
    – Sell the Easter Bunny to a colored-egg factory
    – Send Tinker Bell to a bug zapper
    – Become the Tooth Fairy’s accountant, and convince her to buy a house she can’t afford with a subprime mortgage so she won’t have any money left for teeth

  346. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 7th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    CommodoreJohn, yeah, GA does keep up with those remembrances. I caught that, too, and had the Major tip the fez to Scancarelli.

  347. All Margo\'d Up
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    340 – I so very disagree with you here. It’s not like the Douchstache gave his daughter a choice after letting her know that it might make Liz cry. It very much seemed to hinge that SINCE Liz would cry there would be *no* visit to Santa.

    What’s next? “OK Francie, if Elizabeth can’t stay the night in Daddy’s bed, it might make Elizabeth sad, and your cat hates people crying and might run away…”

    He was a manipulative jackass– had he said “If Elizabeth cannot come she would be sad, and she is Daddy’s friend and that would make Daddy sad too” and THEN let the kid decide, sans the threat of no Santa, I’d agree with you. THAT is empowering your child and not being a ginormous selfish pig of a dickweed.

  348. Allie Cat
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    #340 – Trotz – I used to call my bi-monthly trips to the shrink’s couch “Divan Intervention”.

    Hell, I thought it was clever.

  349. Lithros
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    It’s Mary Worth Mad-Libs!

    Mary: There’s room enough for both you AND Chester in my (noun)!

  350. Cheese-n-Pear
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Popeye – What’s worse than a comic filled with exposition? A comic filled with math exposition targeted to readers who barely know how to count! I’m guessing that this was meant to give the kids following Popeye (all three of them) a leg up on powers of two. I’m hoping it’s not because some editor insisted that the average reader is too dim to know that two times four is eight.

  351. Moss_Moses
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Chester looks really freaky in that decapitation bubble. He appears to be an otter/beagle mix.

    Bull had a much younger wife, Ms. Kelly Welly-Malone.

  352. Krohmdohm
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    #329 Must be something about Hoosier grandparents. Both sets of mine were from Indiana and both sets referred to a couch as the davenport.

  353. Girl Reporter
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Film!? And is the camera hand-cranked? Boy, I sure hope nobody opens the door to the dark room and ruins this week’s Super8.

  354. gh
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    #349 Lithros –

    Or Mad-Libs for A3G

    Ruby: ‘n the bigger the [noun], the better I like it!!

    Margo: Hold on Ruby – you own a [noun]?!

  355. Big Sims
    December 7th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    349 and 354 –
    This is like reading Herb and Jamal…

  356. gh
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    #355 Big Sims –

    . . . with jokes!

  357. Sans Sense
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    GT:

    I, for one, would be one happy man if comics sometimes acted like real life. If they did, Gil would break out the “Wing-T” and it would be obvious to the other side to make adjustments, his hormonal players would bungle it and Gil would get his 1950′s ass handed to him. But alas, it will likely propel them into the playoffs due to asshat’s genius.

  358. Big Sims
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    356 gh,
    …. with actually funny jokes!

  359. bergamot
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone see the placement of the speech balloon in F minus today? Jack Elrod, pay attention– that’s how it’s done.

    And yay for Lio!

    340: Trotzenbonnie, I agree that it’s a great idea to teach kids compassion for others. I just don’t think it’s likely that Liz would actually cry, and I wouldn’t want to teach my young ‘uns that it’s okay to lie in order to get your way. (I have no kids, so, add a shaker of salt here.)

  360. Sans Sense
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Look at the Douche in panel three gloating over his victory in fooling a 3 year old. Nice.

  361. Sans Sense
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #340. Trotzenbonnie -

    Your point is well thought out and cogently articulated. It’s flaw is that it fails to take into account my deep disdain for anything that is Anthony. What about MY feelings?

  362. sophronia
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think Francie is learning to feel compassion for Liz. With the implicit threat in the last statement (“Santa doesn’t like it when people cry”), Anthony is just teaching her that if she wants to get presents from Santa she has to do what Anthony wants. There may be some good reasons to teach this lesson, but I don’t think it’s going to make Francie any more concerned with Liz’s feelings and will most likely just make her more resentful.

  363. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    FC: Dolly will gladly hold someone while you punch him.

  364. Rachel
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    New poster! I just recently found this whole Comics Curmudgeon thing and I’m addicted. I find that I love Mary Worth despite that fact that I absolutely hate the woman. So smug, never does anything wrong, always chooses the right thing no matter who gets hurt in the process. . . Everyone else is terrible in comparison.

    I also love Apartment 3-G. I am equally in love with Margo. What a bitch. Very refreshing.

    Thank you for this lovely site! It keeps me busy at work. :)

  365. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    OBH: The word “rictus” was invented just to give English-speakers the ability to describe Avis’ horrific face.

    Trilobite 169 — nice Phantom post. Tres creepy.

  366. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    364 Welcome Rachel! Here’s hoping Mary Worth gives you more to love to hate. Knowing her, you won’t be disappointed.

  367. man behind the curtain
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    MW — From today’s strip we still may not know if Mary prefers Chester over Dr. Jeff but we do know she prefers paper over plastic.

  368. fillabunny
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    I can’t read through the comments right now to see if this has been mentioned, but I was oddly angered by Thursday’s BC and I had to bring it up somewhere.

    PLATYPUSES ARE NOT MARSUPIALS. THEY ARE MONOTREMES. THANK YOU.

  369. Niall
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Friday Surprises

    Another surprise: I tried to post this around 10:30 but found my way to the site blocked by high traffic and timeouts, or a “you don’t have permission” from WordPress. It’s now past 2:30 when I have a time to try again. I still haven’t seen anyone else’s snark.)

    A3G: Margo’s thoughts echo my own.

    BB: WTF? So Beetle died in Sarge’s office now? And to be in that pose, did Sarge have Beetle mounted? (oh boo hiss yourselves.)

    Blondie: Self-explanatory surprise. (The interesting part is that I started typin after reading only My Cage, A3G and Beetle. This theme I chose seems more à propos than I thought!)

    Curtis: It’s still a surprise to me how that hat manages to stay on.

    DtM: Um, colour me surprised to see a Local/Out of Town seperation in letterboxes at the local Post Office. Is this still around? (No such thing in Canada that I ever heard of.)

    MT: Surprise Revelation out of left field! But she can’t be guilty – unless she’s one of those bearded women folks…

    MC: and a surprise party here too! WHat kind of tiny girl could hide in that cake, though? A mousy girl? Plus: Ashley sighting!

    Ghost-Who-Trespasses: there’s a full-on butt shot drawing in panel 1. Tendai just got creepy.

    Popeye: Obviously, the proper way to deal with a thung is slow suffocation. Or drowning. Or poison. Or any large number of non-hitting ways to inflict death.

    SF: Boring. Back to werewolves, please! Rowr! Rowr!

    SFx: O RLY owl… Beatnik penguin… Skating penguin… Christmas penguin!

    SM gets owned absolutely everywhere. The surprise is why he’s supposedly the “hero” of this strip! He doesn’t do anything!

    TDIET: The surprise is two-fold: 1), that someone actually believes TV ads, and 2) that there’s a car model that has the front hood sliding into the driver’s seat after being lifted. Or telescopic.

    BC: Oh great, it’s intended as a walking gag. (It’s not running, and it can’t fly.) Kill it, now!

    Dilbert doesn’t appear as a link in today’s Chron. Hunh? So I checked the Seattle PI… Asok is dead. Like, dead dead. And the Chron banned it?? Wow, double surprise there.

    Garfield stopped being funny. Okay, so that’s not a surprise. The surprise was that it did get funny for a couple of days.

    GT: Panel 1: dance in an explosion of Sprite! Panel 3: WTF/GUAAAEEEUUUUGH!!

    Pluggers has been running “classics” (re-runs?) for three days. Is Brookins feeling okay? Or is he just taking a bit of vacation?

  370. Niall
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    AUGH! Forget ONCE to press Preview…

    Also, Skullturf and other Torontonian mudges

  371. Niall
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Forget TWICE to press Preview and I make a mega-fool out of myself! Gah!

    So, Skullturf and other TOs.. I’ll be in your fair city this weekend and should have time Sunday afternoon if anyone wants to do an impromptu meetup. No problem if no one can, of course, being such short notice. :)

    I’m mostly trying to find a sub shop, I think called The Annex, located on Bloor between Bathurst and Christie stations…

  372. Girl Randolph
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    RE: FOOB

    #340. Trotzenbonnie -

    I agree with you about compassion.

    Except that I don’t think he really did what you suggested. Instead her desire to be nicer is really just a desire not to be left out of a trip to see Santa. OK, bribery sometimes works. But it’s not the best overall strategy for raising a child. And what will Anthony do after Christmas?

    Plus, the dialogue is weird. The focus was strangly on making Liz out to be an equal of Francois’. First she’s a “big girl”. Now she’ll cry if he breaks his promise.

    What I also have a problem with is that he didn’t do all this three days ago. When she told Liz to move, she should have been punished for being rude. Problem is that wouldn’t be punny. The old Lynn Johnston would have put the reality ahead of the pun and found the funny there.

    What Anthony should have said in the first place is simply this. “Honey, I’m dissapointed in your behaviour. That was very rude. We don’t tell guests where to sit. Elizabeth is my friend. I’m always very nice to your friends. I expect you to be polite to Elizabeth. No how about I take you back to bed and tuck you in. It’s past your bedtime.”

    It’s simple. Her behaviour was normal behaviour for a kid whose single father is now dating. (Although this should have happened months ago). And the solution isn’t rocket science. No need for Elizabeth to martyr herself or Anthony to look bewildered. There’s nothing unexpected here.

    As usual, Johnston’s being weird when this should practically write itself. Batuik would have put the kid in a freak car/reindeer accident by now.

  373. Lithros
    December 7th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    #349 – myself

    And then Dr. Jeff sweetens the pot by asking if he’s in first or second…place. That’s just the icing on the…I’m sorry, I’ll stop.

  374. Girl Reporter
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Secret Margo: Cock, P.I. …or urine trouble! really cracked me up! He’d be called a private dick, I suppose.

  375. Sans Sense
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Mary: “I didn’t realize Chester might require actual work on my part. Maybe I better check those bylaws again…”

  376. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    #369 Niall,
    Asok is dead, and the company is cloning him so he can reincarnate. I sincerely hope this reflects Pointy Haired Boss’ ignorance of Hindu, not Scott Adams’.

  377. DAS
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Um, colour me surprised to see a Local/Out of Town seperation in letterboxes at the local Post Office. Is this still around? (No such thing in Canada that I ever heard of.)

    They still have it here in Tally, FL.

  378. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    114 Sans Sense — He will truly be missed. When he walked into our lives on Nov. 14, he earned a place in the sparse ranks of the Comics Curmudgeon Beefcake Hall of Fame, IMHO.

  379. Perky Bird
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    #351 Moss Moses—

    In that case, Chester would be an otter hound!

  380. Nil Zed
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    286-Little A
    “Mr. O’Malley mentions those old children’s street games and rhymes etc. that are becoming extinct. Well a serious study (probably more than one) has been published about this subject, and I am sure you can get a copy on the internet, I have a copy but it’s in a box and I don;t remember the author’s name, but the book is titled, Lore and Language of Schoolchildren, and it was published by one of the academic presses in England about 50 years ago. Maybe it’s available in paperback now.”

    Actually, just yesterday or the day before on BBC Radio 4 I was listening to an update of this very subject. 50 years ago, they reported that handclap games and various jump rump songs were ‘dying out’. But then again, about 100 years ago, they were reporting the same thing. This time around, they report that the songs and games continue, but have been modified to reflect changes in experience (telly, immigration, product names). Evidently, this time around they made an effort to not only chat with the children in the classroom, in front of ‘Miss’, but also out on the playground, with no other grown ups, and therefore caught the ‘real’ versions of some of the songs. Because one of the researchers was the same age as a group researched earlier, and he thought it odd that none of the naughty versions were reported, and even the nice versions had to have been edited. Or else that other school was much politer than his school.

  381. Bunnë
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    335, your father isn’t mr. cohen
    I must know: were your grandparents anywhere in the vicinity of Davenport? Because if people say “davenport” in Davenport, that would be too awesome.

    In my house we call it a “moline”.

  382. AhClem
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    #353 Girl Reporter -
    They can’t ruin the Super-8 film. Super-8 wasn’t marketed until the mid-1960s, and this strip seems to be set earlier than that.

    BB – Are we sure those are spider webs? Maybe the relationship between Sarge and Beetle has been taken to new level, and those are bizarre new B & D devices that Sarge forgot to remove after their last “session”.

  383. Brown-eyed Girl
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    340. Trotzenbonnie. Thanks for your comments on FOOB. I didn’t see anything particularly heinous in Anthony’s comments to his daughter, but I don’t have kids so what do I know? I got the feeling that people were piling on the criticism just because it’s Anthony. And hey, I understand that completely. He’s a banana slug of a human being (not to defame banana slugs), but to attack everything he does just because he’s the one that does it seems a bit, well, foobish.

  384. Vakar
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    MW: “My, this bag is heavy! And it took quite a while to find a dog food with 100% Chinese ingredients! But he’s worth it!”

  385. bats :[
    December 7th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Okay, that’s it. I’m officially out of the loop. I’ve been out of comics exposure since Sunday, and it’s all I can do to just catch up on them (five days of FC in a road is nauseating, for what it’s worth), and I’m hopelessly behind in CC comments. So I’m just going to start afresh tomorrow.

    But in the meantime, YAY FOR TRILOBITE’S COTW! One for the Tucson team! And another yay! for Josh’s weird, grating sound re: Asshathony and Francie.

  386. skinny malinky
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    The best part of Slylock Fox’s use of the word hassock is that kids will immediately be albe to use it in a sentence, as in, “what the f–k is a hassock?”

  387. Mountain Mama
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Ms Divine, good to hear from you! You, too, Bats!

    Of course, we are humbled and excited to hear from Our Grand Emperor, even if he is angry.

    I wholeheartedly second the emotion about never, never, never, ever wanting to see anything that involves “Mary Worth,” “animals,” and “sex.” Bleah.

  388. Loopina
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    #381: I call it a “dog bed”.

    Also, to whom it concerns, Pittsburgh also has local and out of town slots at the post office.

  389. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: There are good arguments on both sides of the debate about Anthony’s parenting today. But there’s one detail that’s being ignored, and that’s the sad, frightened look in Francie’s eyes as she watches Anthony leave the room. Sorry, Trotz and AFKAB. I gotta side with the haters.

  390. Anonymous
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    #381: I call it a “dog bed”.

    In Mary Worth’s house, it’s definitely a Chesterfield.

  391. your father isn\'t mr. cohen
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    #381 Bunne: They lived in Colfax at the time, but my grandma was from Pleasantville. Not sure how far these are from Davenport, but I’ve always wondered whether they named the town after the couch or the couch after the town? Or maybe it’s some freakish coincidence?

  392. gh
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    #391 your father isn\’t mr. cohen –

    I’ve always wondered whether they named the town after the couch or the couch after the town? Or maybe it’s some freakish coincidence?

    While your up, bring me the licorice.

  393. gh
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    GAH! you’re!

  394. Moon Mullins
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of Davenport, Iowa, and Moline, IL, these are two of the four “Quad Cities.” The third is Rock Island, IL. But what is the fourth? I have heard arguments for differing choices, perhaps most commonly East Moline. Little help here?

  395. Ned Ryerson
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    You know, Mary Worth, even Michael Vick wouldn’t feed that crap to his dogs. You might want to dial back that smug sense of self-satisfaction.

    Who am I kidding, Mary thinks she’s Mother Theresa when she inflicts those horrid, monochromatic casseroles on her neighbors.

    I wonder if she’ll still want to keep Chester after his colon needs to be totally resected.

  396. Razmytaz
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Mmaaarrrrrk Traaaaaaillllll ! (Insert “Pigs in Space” reverb here.

    As we join our between strip interpolation, Mark has left the Foret Perdue du Nord jail (which even has bars in the interview rooms) to make contact with his undercover agent. While Mark gazes out over the lake, a large hemloock perambulates over next to him.

    Hemlock: WOOF!

    Mark: Keep your voice down, Andy. You’ll blow your cover.

    Hemlock: WO-OOF! WOOFITY-WOOF!

    Mark: What’s that? You found Bull’s wife’s old high school year book?

    Hemlock: WOOF-WOOF!

    Mark: And it seems that Mountie Steve Campaignhat enscribed it with “I’ll always love you. Never fall for an older man!” Huh. Don’t know why you think that’s important.

    Hemlock: WOOF! WOOF! WOOF-WOOF!

    Mark: And I told you before, I don’t care if Timmy is down a well… unless he has facial hair. Come on, Andy, there must be something useful you’ve learned.

    Hemlock: WOOF!

    Mark: What’s that? Eye-Hooks??? Under Bull’s boat? Why that means he must be still alive, trying to perpetrate an insurance fraud with his no good floozy wife! I better call up Giant Turkey Insurance Company, drive around in a stand up bread truck, and punch out the most hirsute fellow around, right away. Good Boy, Andy.

  397. Uncle Lumpy
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    #396 Mmaaarrrrrk –

    Leave the bear in the truck. She’ll be fine.

  398. Sans Sense
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    I’m ready to make an Accusation! Miss Scarlet on the island with Johnny’s gun! Open the envelope.

  399. Bunnë
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    394, Moon M
    I’m no expert, but I think the 4th is Bettendorf, IA.

    Re: local and out of town slots at the post office, I think they’re pretty common in the US. I work in a near suburb of Chicago, and the post office has that as well. The local and out-of-town slots always made sense to me in a big city, but it seems odd in a suburb: if I’m mailing something to Chicago, it goes into the “out of town” slot.

  400. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    December 7th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    FOUR HUNDREDTH SUCKERS!!!1!1!

  401. KT
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    #296 Saxman & #301 Godzooky:

    Here’s a scan of Brad and TJ’s goth Christmas house in today’s Luann. Sorry about the crease, but that’s where they print it.

    BTW, I don’t want to seem whiny, but did anyone see my take on Thursday’s Mary Worth in comment 235 in this thread? I sorta feel like it got lost in a sea of comments. Anyway, here it is again, the triumphant return of Fishhead: http://kinkyturtle.masemware.com/cartoons/2007/maryworth3.gif

  402. your father isn't mr. cohen
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    #392 gh: I was kind of hoping it would spark someone else’s curiosity and provoke them into looking it up and posting a helpful link. I am working, after all. Don’t have time to search the tubes for couch information like some people I might mention.

    My office manager just brought in Red Vines the other day (more corn syrup and flour than actual licorice, but still). I think I’ll go get some right now. Huzzah!

  403. Little A.
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    380: Thanks, Nil Zed. What I remember, when I read the book (many years ago, at least 30 years ago), was how similar many of the rhymes and games were/are to the ones we chanted and played in The Bronx, New York, in the 1950′s. I don’t remember too many bawdy songs or games, though.

    And I am not sure where the material in the book was collected, that is, whether it was collected in schoolrooms or in the streets. Probably both.

    Also, it’s nice to know that at least one person in the CC Universe actually reads my comments and thinks about them, sometimes. I was beginning to feel like Dondi, in his original manifestation, before he moved to America and learned English.

    The most off-color song I remember, off the top of my head, is:

    It’s Howdy Doody Time
    The Show ain’t worth a dime
    And as for Buffalo Bob
    He is a big fat slob
    And as for Clarabell
    Well he can go to hell
    And as for Phineas T.
    He makes me want to pee
    And as for Flubadub
    Let’s drown him in a tub
    etc.

    That was pretty off-color, for my Bronx street, in 1954.

  404. your father isn't mr. cohen
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Our schoolyard songs tended to be usual English-derived ones (Ring Around the Rosies, London Bridge is Falling Down, etc.) or little racist ditties involving the Chinese. Why the Chinese? No idea. This was Iowa, I had never seen an Asian person before and had no real concept of what “Chinese” was. It was a playgroung song, so we all sang it. Oh, and Farmer in the Dell, which I always hated because I was always the cheese.

  405. Trotzenbonnie
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    Well, everybody who disagress with me re: Anthony-
    It’s apparent I’m a parent as I am the mother of the one and only My Rotten Kid. Whenever he questioned my parental authority I simply said, ‘Why don’t you go and find out if a pack of wolves could do any better’. And bribery? You bet I bribed him. That kid cost me plenty AND he charged me interest. How do you think I finally convinced him to let me back in after he locked me out on the balcony? The promise of Cabbage Patch dolls and an Atari 2600. Oh yeah.
    Bribery and deceit – Any parent who says he/she doesn’t do either just isn’t doing it right.

  406. Trotzenbonnie
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    If you all really want to know –
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davenport_(sofa)

  407. Deena in OR
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Apropos of nothing…..

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2000/feb/24/spaceexploration.internationalnews1

    No graphics, text probably not SFW.

  408. Laura c
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Re: schoolyard songs
    We had two classics: Miss Mary Mack, and Miss Lulu (as in, had a baby…and a steamboat.)

  409. Sans Sense
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    #405. Trotz -

    I amke no bones about it. When I bribe my kids it is astute parenting. When Anthony bribes his kid it is another nail in his coffin.

  410. Uncle Lumpy
    December 7th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    #407 Deena –

    cf. Michael O’Donoghue, “The NASA Sutra: A Zero Gravity Sex Manual”, National Lampoon May 1971, Vol. 1, No. 14.

  411. Sans Sense
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    make

  412. your father isn't mr. cohen
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    #406 Trotzenbonnie: Thank you!

    #407 Deena in OR: Oh my.

  413. Bunnë
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Laura, I distinctly recall that it was Miss Suzie who had a steamboat.

  414. Razmytaz
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    404: Your Father isn’t Mr. Cohen -
    I can’t believe that it took me this long before I understood / remembered the reference in your tag. The only reason why I could now is because of the upcoming holiday season, as in my family it is traditional to all sit down to a video double feature we call It’s a Wonderful Life of Brian.

  415. Deena in OR
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Meetup update….

    Portland alert!!!

    So far, the possibilities for tomorrow are…

    Gnome de blog, Leathermessiah, redlikerubies, Brown eyed girl, Deena in OR…

    Powells’ on Burnside-the Cafe’. 11:00 AM tomorrow!

    I’ll bring a camera…anyone else in???

  416. Spunky N. Tadpole
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @ #407: The project was codenamed “STS-XX”? *
    Wouldn’t “XXX” have been more appropriate?

    * STS is, I think, the formal designation for the Space Shuttle (“Shuttle Transportation System” or something = Maybe it really meant “Sex Test in Space”?

  417. your father isn't mr. cohen
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    #414 Razmytaz: “I never thought he was.” “Now, none of your cheek!”

  418. commodorejohn
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    #407 Deena in OR – Great, and here I was planning to have an inexpensive honeymoon when I finally find Mrs. Commodorejohn. Oh well, I’ll make it up by having an inexpensive wedding.

  419. Mr. O’Malley
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    “Divan” is a word I don’t hear much. The last time I encountered it was in Cliff “Ukulele Ike” Edward’s song (I May not Be a Football Hero but) I’m a Bear in a Lady’s Boudoir, which if you’re interested, can be found at http://www.redhotjazz.com. I wonder if it’s regional or just falling out of use. I think “boudoir” is definitely falling out of use.

    Of course, “divan” may be there just for the rhyme, like

    She was filing her nails on the davenport
    When I thought she was ready for a little sport
    (The Ace by the Red Clay Ramblers)

    Strangely enough I can’t think of a song that uses “chesterfield”. And I even have a copy of Stompin’ Tom Connor’s Greatest Hits.

    And I just discovered something new. I didn’t insert the link above, I just typed the name of the website and it magically transformed itself into a link when I hit Preview.

  420. Bunnë
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    Mrs. O’Malley –
    The Barenaked Ladies, “If I had a million dollars”:

    If I had a million dollars
    (If I had a million dollars)
    I’d buy you furniture for your house
    (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)

  421. dimestore lipstick
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    Bunnë
    I grew up about 45 miles south of Davenport, and indeed we did call that long piece of furniture in the front room a “davenport”. I now call it the couch, or occasionally the sofa. Mom still calls it a davenport, though.

    And you are quite correct–the Quad Cities are Rock Island and Moline on the Illinois side of the Mississippi River, and Davenport and Bettendorf on the Iowa side.

    Appropos of nothing– I happen to be headed to Bettendorf on the 22nd, to celebrate Christmas with my family. And gamble.

  422. Niall
    December 7th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    Wow, a huge load of comments to go through – but far fewer once I ignore all Foobery (including, sadly, Dingo’s opus) and Funkery. And GAery too.

    51. sans sense: Fardo! I suffer from Fardo all the time. I have trouble watching movies and TV shows because I keep being embarassed for the stupid characters doing things that are so far from reality just to intrroduce plot points or for pathos. Especially tough when there were many easier things to do that would have done the same.

    64. Gold-Digging Nanny: my mother was an amateur stage actress too. I have even higher respect for you now. (She’s still trying to earn a living from meagre appearances in ads and bit roles in movies.)

    95. ltrftp: What is a PT Kappel Meister? I’ve thought and thought and came up blank.

    114. Sans Sense: a post of unutterable beauty. (But I’ll utter anyway.) The references to the ’98 Merchant Marine hunger strike was particularly touching. The Sam Malone was pure brilliance.

    247. Trilobite: “Ghost-Who-Waves-His-Package-At-Evil” gave me another round of the giggles. You keep doing that to me. I’m not sure I want you to stop though.

    348. Allie Cat: …I just read that pun. I am still hissing at the screen. Bravo.

    419. Actually… oh, Bunnë already answered it. Never mind. :)

  423. Sans Sense
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    #422. Niall -

    I have trouble watching Curb Your Enthusiasm due to my heightened sense of fardo. My kids, oddly enough, think Full House is a comfortable show. Fardo strikes me dead with that one.

    As to the comics, Dr. Jeff’s cloying bid for affirmation from Mary is just that. Mary will yank his chain from the Bum Boat to the Grave…

    Wow, title for a new book “From the Bum Boat to the Grave”

  424. Beauregard Bugleboy
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    I swear that in that third panel of FOOB, Anthony is beginning to morph into John Patterson. Makes the incest motif even more icky.

  425. dimestore lipstick
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    Sans Sense
    I hear you. Fardo is what ruined “Frasier” for me.

  426. Uncle Lumpy
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    #424 B.B. –

    Anthony is beginning to morph into John Patterson

    He’s been doing that for a while now. It’s either a wrongheaded attempt to gin up sympathy for him, or incredibly limited artistic range.

  427. Mr. O’Malley
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    404. your father isn’t mr. cohen says:

    Oh, and Farmer in the Dell, which I always hated because I was always the cheese.

    This is the kind of thing that always happened to me as a child whenever we moved. We sang The Farmer in the Dell, but I have no idea what the cheese thing is about.

    Since you grew up in Iowa, perhaps you could throw some light on another childhood topic. I’ve heard that frying grasshoppers and eating them was a common childhood activity in the midwest. True?

  428. Sans Sense
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    Good character driven sitcoms, if held onto too long, inevitably devolve into slapstick and oodles of fardo. Frasier, MASH, Just Shoot Me… the list is endless.

  429. Mr. O’Malley
    December 7th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    422. A kappelmeister is a German choir director. So PT Kappelmeister would logically be a torpedo boat named after a German choir director.

    Incidentally, a “bum boat” is a boat that sails around where ships are anchored, selling food, drinks, tobacco, etc. to the sailors who are stuck on board. Don’t think I’ve seen that mentioned here.

    420. Thanks, Bunnë.

  430. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Apropos of nothing in particular – I caught most of an episode of Seinfeld last night (it’s on before Malcolm!) and was reminded of the soap comics.

    In this episode, the gang has to get wine and a cake for a dinner party.

    That’s it.

    22-odd minutes devoted to buying wine and cake.

    Compared to a month about finding a dog, it was too fast for me.

    So the soap writers are big fans of Seinfeld. (And I never watched it when it first aired, just bits of reruns here and there.)

  431. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    Oh now I can post just like that? But earlier, when I wanted to watch Monk and reassure the writer of My Cage, my posts got lost?!

    My oh-so-funny bit about ‘My Cage’ – name is parody of My Space, but Ed Powers’ website is My Space profile. Send that in to Scaduto!

  432. Broken Skittles
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    #405, Troztebonnie

    I initially agreed with you, that the foob comments were overblown, but then I went back and read the comic. The first two panels are fine, but in the third Anthony deliberately misconstrues the situation – Liz isn’t going to cry if she doesn’t go out with Anthony, nor is Santa upset when people cry. That’s direct emotional manipulation. As to the charge that sometimes that’s just what you have to do with kids…at least Anthony doesn’t have to look so damn SMUG about it.

    FC – Dude, Dolly seriously needs to stop with the pseudo-philosophy. She’s making Ruthy from One Big Happy look like a genius.

    Crock – Look in the far back left of the second panel. That’s soul-shattering suffering if I ever saw it. Poor-slave-laborer’s face nearly broke my heart.

  433. Big Sims
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Little A, Nil Zed,

    I have a perverse memory. I can’t remember my password at work, but I can remember playground songs from 30 odd years ago. And the filthy ones to boot. I won’t dirty up the thread with em, but take my word for it, they were very very dirty.

  434. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    433 – I don’t remember when my French final is (I know it’s Monday, but is it at 10 or 10:30?), but I remember something from 2nd grade.

    Parent’s night and I called Mrs. Harraway ‘Mom’. Luckily, nobody heard.

  435. Poteet
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Foob — Sorry, I just have to say it one more time (and since this is my first comment in a few days, I’ll indulge myself). Lynn, pick a size and shape for Angsthony’s nose and STICK TO IT. His constantly-morphing schnoz makes me want to kill him even more than I do anyway.

  436. Poteet
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    And I have trouble remembering a number of vital things in my life, but I can remember almost all the lyrics of Frank Zappa’s BWANA DIK, even though I haven’t heard that album in years.

  437. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Anthony’s a boggart – he can’t decide what nose scares all readers – hopefully he will disappear soon.

  438. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    Or however they dispatched the boggart in the 3rd book.

    I just read the 7th – I only reread the 6th. (Now I want to reread the 5th – perhaps I should just start with the 1st?)

  439. Josh
    December 7th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    #438 Kaitlyn — once I finished #7, I started #1 and read them all the way through without a break. It’s really fun (I had actually never read any of them more than once before that) and you’ll actually be surprised at how coherently the whole thing hangs together.

    Oh, yeah, a new post? Uh, maybe I’ll get to that at some point tonight, if you’re lucky. Might have to wait until tomorrow though.

    Josh

  440. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    Josh – I’d love to do that, but the new Thursday Next book is out, and I had to read the previous four.

    Since Christmas ’03, I’ve been able to read the first 5 with no breaks, when I want to enter the HP world.

    Next time I want to read about Harry and his adventures, I get to go from start to finish. The 7th was almost marred by the epilogue. Gag me.

  441. Mr. O'Malley
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    From the San Francisco Chronicle:

    During the Q&A that followed cartoonist Roz Chast’s conversation with Daniel Handler, a City Arts & Lectures event last week. Chast was asked her opinion of the New Yorker’s last-page caption contest. “I really do not like it,” she said. “I feel it demeans cartoonists and cartooning. I feel this is not something they would do to John Updike, like, ‘Hey, John! How about writing a story and then you can leave off the last paragraph and writers can submit how they think it should end? And then we’ll have a contest!’ . . . Why is it that just because we are cartoonists, we are subjected to this?”

    The caption contest I believe was originated by the former British humour magazine Punch, and they used to use cartoons that were between 30 and 100 years old.

  442. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    To elaborate – I got the 4th and 5th books as presents in 2003. My sister got the first 2 in ’01 and the 3rd came sometime in between.

    So I still have to go to the library to get the 6th and 7th.

    The weekend the 5th came out, I was going to California to visit some relatives. They’re really well-off, and Aunt Mary had at least 3 sets of all 5 HP books in hardback. I read the 5th one in about 2 days (not a fun visit). Aunt Mary was shocked, shocked!, that I did not take the book home with me, if I liked it so much.

    I don’t recall when I first read the 6th, but last April, I was in a psych ward – voluntarily, my ass! They wouldn’t let me leave until Monday! – and books really helped pass the time. I was there from Thursday to Monday, and my sister brought the 6th one on Friday or Saturday. I remember reading it on Sunday, and I know I was done with it by the time I left.

    No such unpleasantries with the 7th!

  443. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    441 – Mr. O’Malley – Highlights has a caption contest, though not as often as the New Yorker.

    And when they run the reader’s captions, they also run the original artists’.

  444. Deena in OR
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    So…to hijack the end of this one :)

    Boggarts for selected strip characters…..

    Rex Morgan, MD….an investigator from Child Protective Services

    Mallard Fillmore….Either Hillary, Al, or Obama taking the oath next January

    Michael Patterfoob…Margaret Atwood critiqueing “Stoned Season”

    I’m sure someone can do better than I…

    Anybody else??

  445. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – the sun? a real dog? her former advisees?

  446. Jamus The Bartender
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Not much today in the way of snarking, except for …
    FOOB: “Not wanting to see Elizabeth when we go visit Santa make’s Baby Jesus’ ears bleed, Francoise. Night-night.”

  447. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    Here’s a threat from my mom that worked so well I started to cry.

    “You two are so bad, you’re going to your father’s!”

    When the tears started (I think my sister was crying as well), she relented and said she would never force us to go over there.

    Of course, that was a one time thing. When it came to dating, she didn’t (and doesn’t) have to lie – we’re teenagers, that’s our job.

  448. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    You only get to see Santa if you accept the wicked stepmother!

    And then he’ll die and Francie will be forced to care of Merrie and Robin until Prince Charming drags her away by her foot.

    It would be more realistic!

  449. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    “forced to care for” or “forced to take care of” – pick one, we’re at war!

  450. Big Sims
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    Kaitlyn,
    If you’re late for your French exam try acting all French about it.
    Ah time, early, late, what is ‘on-time’ exactly? Did I have time for my coffee this morning, time for my bread? Time for one, but not the other? An impossibility. You’re cute but not my type. Is there a cafe nearby? Do you have time for a glass of wine?

    Really – no offense intended to the French. The above is a damn near verbatim monologue from my French roommate in college when he was late for the umpteenth to our study session.

  451. Bunnë
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    425, Dimestore Lipstick
    Fardo ruined Frasier for me, too. And now I have a word for it. How… odd…

  452. Islamorada Girl
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Anyone recall:

    We three kings of Orient Are
    Tried to smoke a rubber cigar
    It was loaded and it exploded
    Travelling oh so far

    We two kings of Orient Are, etc.

    I learned this from my brother’s scout troop during breaks in meetings.

  453. Bunnë
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    441 Mrs O Malley
    Fascinating!

    Interestingly, I understand George Price didn’t write his own captions, and when he was a New Yorker cartoonist, that was the norm. So I’ve always seen the New Yorker caption cartoon through that light.

    Looking back at his cartoons, though, he basically wrote the whole situation, and it was just up to an editor to find the right wording to express it. Which happens in a lot of the cartoons in the caption contest: in a recent one, the joke is that the male bull is enraged by red drapes. So what’s the best way to verbalize that?

    Roz Chast, on the other hand, is fantastic with language. Her work is more of an integrated package; I don’t think you could take artwork and have someone else write the script. Or looked at another way, I think her drawings make the words funnier, and not the other way around — but it starts with words.

  454. Bunnë
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    452 Islamorada Girl
    I remember that, and in fact I don’t know the real words. Which makes carolling sort of awkward.

    Have you heard Patti Smith’s version of that song, by the way? She sings it like a dirge; it’s the only Christmas song that makes me feel like I should be slitting my wrists.

  455. Deena in OR
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    454-No, but have you heard the Roches’ version? That whole album is required holiday listening every year at our house.

  456. Kaitlyn
    December 7th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    450 – Big Sims – Ha! Wonderful!

  457. True Fable
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Just got in from my daughter’s college graduation. Yes, I am very proud. Words cannot express my pride, even a wordy joker like me.

    Going to snark a little to wind down the day.
    I haven’t looked at anyone else’s snark, so if I repeat someone… well hell, take it as “imitation is the most sincerely unintentional form of flattery” or somethin’.

    A3G Ahh, Margo. So transparent when it comes to the magic rattle of one coin against another.
    FC Two against one, what? Be specific, kid. I want to be braced in case there was another one of YOU around.
    FBoFW Okay, I know Wimpthony is trying to use child psychology on his daughter, but holding Santa out as bait is going to backfire on him if he’s not careful. Smug bastard. I hope the three of you run into Dee & the Patterspawn, and Francoise REALLY learns how to be a little brat.
    H&L See, Hi? She’s just lifting you up long enough to let you drop. Ah, the Flagstons: Barely Concealed Contempt and Passive-Aggressive Championship Family!
    JP The Spectacular Spider-Brick posed for those brownies, I’m thinkin’.
    MT Sure, Mark has one hand on Marie’s shoulder in panel one, but I want to know just what happened in panel two, that made his tie in panel three get all knotted up like that!
    MW Mary does not know the General Rule of Dog Ownership #1: If you take in a stray and buy a big bag of dogfood, the owner will turn up the next day. Unfortunately for people she knows, she uses dog food in her casseroles so nothing will be wasted.
    RMMD Rex, you are one dumb sumbitch. Ol’ Lee will shoot you if you know too much, and that may be your saving grace because you’re so [margo]ing STUPID.

  458. Joe Blevins
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    I’ll say this without irony: Friday’s “Garfield” is actually kind of brilliant. For one thing, it lacks Garfield, Odie, Jon, and all the other major characters and focuses instead on one of those nameless, disposable “Garfield” spiders. It’s just a wordless, three-panel sequence in which a spider lowers itself next to a Christmas ornament, sees its distorted reflection, and smiles. The shiny, round ornament acts like a funhouse mirror and distorts the spider’s toothy grin so that it looks huge. That’s it. No wry observations about Mondays or lasagna, just a gently surreal bit of whimsy, minimalist without seeming lazy. I’m glad the board of directors at Paws, Inc. let this one slip through. Nice job, Davis-drone.

  459. Jamus The Bartender
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    Hm…boggarts for certain comic strip characters, huh? Okay, how about..
    Dick Tracy: Liberal activist judge overturning every single case he’s worked since 1931 because of excessive force.
    Mr and Mrs Degroot from Luann: An invite to Brad and TJ’s commitment ceremony.
    Anthony Caine: Today’s “Jerry Springer”. Bad fathers who manipulate their daughters at a young age by saying things like, “Santa cries if you don’t let me see Liz. GOT IT?”
    Amos from 9CL: Edda in a wedding dress.
    Norm from My Cage: Bridget in a wedding dress.
    Jamus The Bartender: Cassandra in a wedding dress.

  460. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    364
    Rachel
    Welcome
    45242 here

  461. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    371
    Nail
    Whats the bigd eal about perview?
    I don’t knot need it.

  462. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    374
    Girl Reporter
    I am sure his work is peer reviewed, eh?

  463. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    435
    Poteet

    So you want to pick Anthony’s nose? Or you want Lynn to pick it?

    All I can say is there is more than a septum that deviated here.

  464. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    Ahem
    I should have previewed
    The last line should read: “All I can say is there more than a septum that IS deviated here.

  465. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    I think 6 posts in a row is a bit too much. Either there is a new thread or everyone else is out having fun on a Friday night.

  466. indichik
    December 7th, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    Sans Sense —

    In Minnesota (or in my family at least) we had another word for fardo — “the cheaps.” I don’t know if my parents invented it; the term just always seemed to be around. For me the cheaps (or fardo) wasn’t reserved just for sitcoms, I know for me, as a young girl, I used to get them the worst when we’d go to Twins games and Bob Casey would go nuts yelling out the names of the players up to bat.

  467. Poteet
    December 8th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    # 463 — Itrftp — HAR! Good one!

    Also, eww.

  468. queek
    December 8th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    458: I thought it was a shout-out to our own Spider-Brick. ;-)

  469. Skulking on the Outskirts
    December 8th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    407, Deena: Arthur C. Clarke said once “both the pleasures and the perils of zero-g sex have been greatly exaggerated.”

    But I have to wonder how he’d know.

  470. Mr. O'Malley
    December 8th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    407, 469. You don’t have to go into outer space to have zero-g sex. Although I could see how the idea might come to mind if you were there.

    The simplest way to do it would be to learn to scuba-dive. I’m sure it’s been done many times.

    AND …

    this biography of Arthur C. Clarke says:

    …Sri Lanka, a place he moved to in 1956 in order to scuba-dive on the reef that surrounds much of the island – and get as close as possible to the weightlessness of space.

    Plus his solicitors are called Geldsnatch, Geldsnatch and Blubberclutch.

  471. schlimmerkerl
    December 8th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    323 Bunnë. Thanks very much. And about time, too, i must say.

  472. Carly
    December 21st, 2007 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    I like that Weirdly’s hulking Frankenstein is helpfully holding the door for Slylock, but then again, he probably just sees dinner walking right in.

    Dr. Jeff just did exactly what we’re told in law school not to do. Don’t push your luck.

  473. Moshe Weeks
    March 21st, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    hes soo hot!!!!!

  474. Freeman Kautzer
    April 1st, 2010 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Hi I like the site its brilliant

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