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Floor horror

Family Circus, 6/10/08

Congratulations to the Family Circus for providing the most stomach-turning visual image of the day. Usually I think the limited palate used to colorize the King Features strips detracts from their visual impact, but there’s no question in my mind that that’s exactly the right shade of brown to use to instill total revulsion into the hearts of right-thinking people everywhere. With the lint on the side, it actually looks like Jeffy has a shrunken head on a stick. The little droplet of extra brown coming off the side in particular will be featuring into my nightmares.

Apartment 3-G, 6/10/08

Like so many artists before him, Alan is proving to be a remarkably inept businessman. I love his look of shock and disgust in the second panel as he contemplates the arrival of people who actually want to buy what he’s selling. Hey, Alan, who did you think was going to buy your “rock,” hedge fund managers and mid-level British aristocracy? He’s about to learn a hard lesson, which is that when you deal crack, you end up having to deal with crackheads.

Gil Thorp, 6/10/08

It’s painfully obvious that Elmer and his “BFF” Branden have run off together to get married so as to fix the former’s immigration situation, so I won’t dwell on that (except to note that, based on the experiences of friends and family who have wed Canadians, it does not work like that anymore [if it ever did] so please don’t try this at home). Instead, I feel a need to focus on Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp’s clothes. More specifically, what the hell is going on with her clothes? She seems to be wearing some kind of belted one-piece collared-dress-coullotte number, which, I feel, would be a bad fashion choice if such a thing actually existed, which I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/10/08

I’d like to say that “What makes you think I know anything about them?” is one of the most reasonable possible answers to “I need to know what happened to the old wrestling mats at Hamilton Middle School!” We also would have accepted “Wrestling mats? What the hell are you talking about?” But panel three shows why our be-soul-patched miscreant was so quick to flee the man he thought was a cop: he’s obviously incapable of standing up to even the gentlest level of interrogation. “Hey … is this about the kid that was smothered to death by those wrestling mats and then his body was thrown in the river? Wait, MRSA? What’s that? Oh, un, then never mind about the first thing.”

Mark Trail, 6/10/08

Ha ha, Cherry, it’s all well and good that you want to stand on your own, but I’m not sure that you’ve noticed that you have a vagina. The fact that Kelly Welly is similarly endowed and yet manages to function without a male guardian is the main reason why Mark and Doc find her so unsettling. But, you, my dear, are no Kelly Welly. In fact, I think you’re about to accidentally stick your hand into that pot of boiling water.

Six Chix, 6/10/08

Hey, everybody, here’s today’s Six Chix! It’s about chickens fucking.

312 responses to “Floor horror”

  1. rita
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    aaaag after 10000 years im free

  2. Hot_Pie
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe: Do any panels actually link together to form a narrative, or is it just a string of time-space-WTF-are-they-talking-about moments?

  3. Uncle Lumpy
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Six Chix — Shhh! Josh, that cartoon is by Margaret Shulock, the Margofactrix! You could get in a lot of trouble! A lot!

  4. Helena Handbasket
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    I believe this culotte dress may be what she’s wearing.

    Of course, since the only references to a culotte dress that I could find were from the 1960′s, it fits right in with Gil Thorpe fashions.

  5. Joe
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    I think Alan may have a point. I mean, if nattily attired beatnik drug dealer just-thawed-from-the-60s Jones thinks your friends are losers and lowlifes, they must be REALLY bad. Though that should also make them more interesting than anyone else Alan hangs around with.

  6. Frippin In The Krotz
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Did the Keanes get John Kricfalusi to guest-draw the strip today? That lollipop looks like something dripping from Ren’s nose.

  7. gh
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Six Chix? Oh, Josh, you made me laugh out loud, you naughty boy!

  8. DAS
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: (rephrased from a previous post of mine) is that a cleft chin or a skin lesion infected with MRSA?

  9. FOOBed again
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    First of all, congratulations to trey le parc and the COTW runners-up! Awesome comments.

    Also to Deena in OR–sending out good thoughts that everything goes well Thursday!

    OK, today’s comics:

    GT: We had gymsuits kind of like that where I went to high school in the 70′s. But that was the 70′s, and we were students. Seems like a coach in the 00′s would have something a little more fashion-forward.

    FC: Gee, thanks Josh. I just heated up my lunch and got back to my desk and logged in here and then I saw that-that-whatever it is. EWWW!! Must move away before puking all over work keyboard!

    MC: I love this strip! My only complaint is that there aren’t any hottie male characters–could we maybe have some in the future? (I’ve only been reading the strip a couple months so I might have missed someone.)

    FOOB: I don’t know what to think about this storyline. On the one hand, Lizardbreath shouldn’t cave in to her family’s wishes for her to get married right away if she really isn’t sure about Asshathony, even for Grandpa Jim’s sake, because Grandpa Jim seems like the type of person (unlike most of the others in this strip) who would care about his granddaughter and not want her to make a serious mistake for his sake. On the other hand, Lizfoob seems to be so selfish now (not even going in to see Grandpa Jim when she came to pick up April!); and Blandthony is such a passive-aggressive manipulator under all his niceness, that they probably belong together. So, whatever. Get the damn wedding over and end the damn strip already, Lynn!

  10. CanuckDownSouth
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    FC – what the heck? “it fell on the floor and got some floor on it.” It has the format of ‘amusing odd phrasings or mispronunciations by small children (see: meatbulbs, spaghetti/pisghetti and)‘, but it’s … not. It’s just … the floor. No cute confusions. Not “fell on the ground and picked up some floor”.

    I can’t believe I’ve just spent time trying to come up with a better line for Family Circus.

    OK, you know you’ve officially cracked when you try to salvage FC, The Strip Which, If It Ever Has A Funny Moment, Will Be Sign #3722 Of The Apocalypse.

  11. Mac
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Josh, are you sure she isn’t Kelly Welly? I certainly can’t tell them apart.

    Meanwhile, forget the wrestling mats — the real story here is that the kid in RMMD has stolen Coach Kaz’s Heat Miser hair.

  12. SFMarcus
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Josh has once again stolen my thunder with his most-excellent snark.

    I too thought Jeffy had a shrunken head on a stick. Well, it’s nice to know the Keanes are engaging in a little cultural anthropology ’round the homeschoolin’ homestead. Headhunter animism makes for a nice ‘compare and contrast’ point with the “Jesus = bestower of warm fuzzies” denomination of Christianity the Keanes seem to practice. Cuddletarianism.

    Re. Six Chix: So, every time a rooster crows it’s ’cause they just got laid?

    The deer is totally talking on panel two of Mark Trail. Obvious, I know, but no less true.

    And the ‘people’ in the second panel of Gil Thorp are clearly ambassadors from Flatland, where their myriad freaky-deke angles allow them to lord it over all the lesser polygons.

  13. Violet
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Haley, even Jones thinks your friends are sleazy, he of the cutting-edge street slang and illicit drugs so dangerous and volatile they change from crack to heroin and back in a matter of moments? Ouch. I can’t wait to see how these eminently disreputable characters are represented, now that the artists have used up the wee-pointy-beard-and-supermarket-checkout-vest visual shorthand for nogoodnikery. I’m expecting something along the lines of a visibly syphilitic hunchback and a 1940′s-era Parisian prostitute.

  14. gnome de blog
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    #9, FOOBed again said:
    Get the damn wedding over and end the damn strip already, Lynn!

    The message here is that Lynn, like Elizabeth, will have a wedding (and theoretically end the strip, not that I believe that for a frimpin’ minute) when she damned well feels like it. And the longer she can whore up all the attention, the better she likes it.

  15. skullcrusherjones
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    MT: I wonder what that giant deer is pondering as he stares at the cabin.

    FC: Why is that lollipop so evenly colored that [suppressed gag] shade of [gag again] turd? How long did he leave it on the bathroom floor?

    GT: Note that it says “on the softball diamond” because it looks like Ms. Thorpe and the team are lying in the dirt. Just look at the pitching circle.

  16. vooodooo84
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    As someone who attended the real Hamilton Middle School in Seattle, WA i can tell you that MRSA infected wrestling mats are the least of those kids problems. It has asbestos floating in the air, frequent gang fights in the halls and Alan selling drugs in the artist lofts across the streets.

  17. gah
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    I liked this blog a lot better when it did less of the soap opera strips. They’re just boring and not usually even that fun to make fun of. They’re the worst thing on the comics page, but not in the oh-so-good curmudgeonly mockable way.

    Please. . .please. . .please. . .less soap opera strips. More funny, please. :-)

  18. Baka Gaijin
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    FC: I still think it’s a massive moose turd! I do not want to see the ass it came from!

    PS-Josh, better chickenfucking than Cathyfucking or Ellyfucki…AAAAAHHHH! Brain mace to Baka, STAT!!

  19. Fnord Prefect
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Jeffy will do anything get out of eating Momma Keane’s homemade cocktail testicles.

  20. Brick Bradford
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    A3G Jones must be a real stickler, given that Haley looks about as much like a lowlife as Mary Worth.

    Six Chix I thought it was hysterical. Guess I’m a sucker for animal sex.

    FOOB If Lynn were going to end the strip–and I have no idea WHAT she’s doing now, since it seems to change once a week–Liz saying “to hell with this” and hotfooting it back to Michelobmackinac or whatever the hell it is to start her life anew far from Pattersonian mind contol would be a good way to go back. Instead we’ll be getting that godawful wedding.

  21. Naked Ringless Fingers
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    MT: Why worry about Kelly Welly when you have a 40-FOOT DEER STARING AT YOUR HOUSE????

  22. A Lemur
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    JP: Wait…you bribe chicken inspectors to not tell anyone that you don’t have any chickens?

  23. Brick Bradford
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Of course I meant “go out” instead of “go back”. But all Pattersons do is go back to the womb.

  24. Future Cat Lady
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    GT: That outfit looks really famil…. OH WAIT! Its one of the Olsens circa April this year.

    See? Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp is very fashionable.

  25. underwhelm
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    gah: Are you being serious? This blog has always done soap strips.

  26. TheDiva
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    This is about the time of day I get my mid-afternoon snack cravings, but one look at today’s FC in color (much worse than the B&W I saw in today’s paper) made me lose my appetite. Thank you, Josh, for aiding in my quest to shed a few of these extra pounds.

  27. TeamCorndog
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    #19 – Yes, but little does Jeffy know, the second-to-last step in the recipe for E-Z Cocktail Testicles is “Drop onto nongreased floor. Roll generously.”
    The last step, of course, is “Serve to Jeffy.”

  28. Wolf Shepherd
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    DtM – New Caption: “Don’t look under the mattress, Mom. You’ve been warned.”

    FC – New Caption: “Five Second Rule!”

    H&L – Why would you care if someone else’s house has floor insurance? Lois’ answer, “Of course, and it comes with the house! Dumbass!”

    A3G – Alan is wondering, “Am I one of her friends?”

    JP – Tragedy Shmadgedy. They’re frickin’ drug dealers getting their just desserts. More booze, please.

    SF – Bush, definitely Bush. I blame everything on Bush. Don’t you.

  29. Shermy Glamrocker
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    #12 SFMarcus
    Six Chix: So, every time a rooster crows it’s ’cause they just got laid?

    Not only that, but this cock croweth thrice.

  30. Deena in OR
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Foobed again-

    So did we, in junior high on the US Navy base in Bermuda in the early 70′s! Something like this:

    Poly/cotton twill in a lovely shade of cornflower blue, with a waistline that bound like a corset. Ugh.

  31. Spike
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    FC: “Mommy, is this why Gramma K. always uses the word “pigsty” when she visits? And what exactly is a Children’s Service anyway?”

  32. Sam
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    MT: I love the talking ginormous deer/moose on panel 2. Talk about never wanting to leave the cabin or face a 50-foot deer talking smack to you before he steps on your head and kills you.

  33. Resumé Man
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan’s obsolescence is in sharper focus than ever. That guy was all ready to give Rex guff, but then he got a load of June’s talking breasts! I smell a spinoff: June Morgan’s Boobs, Private Eye(s)!

  34. Helena Handbasket
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Ok, ‘mudges, any of you in the Seattle area?

    Mr. Handbasket and I are likely moving up that way, so I want a pros and cons from someone without an interest in either having us move or keeping us there.

  35. Cedar
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    #34 I moved to Seattle about two years ago. Email me at kashaw917 at for the scoop.

  36. etho
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Many are doom and glooming that this means the strip will go on for years and years more. That is certainly something to doom and gloom about. But after whats-er-face goes on about not wanting to rush things, then says something about summer weddings being nice, Elly looks horrified. I choose to assume that her horror is at the fact that she must plan a wedding before the end of the summer, which means she has it clearly lodged in her head that the wedding is going to happen this year, goddammit. She won’t entertain the notion that her daughter wants to have a wedding in the summer of 2009 or, god forbid, 2010. It will be this year. She didn’t raise no hussy.

    So, to me, it seems clear to me that her plan is to get her eldest daughter married off before the end of the calendar year. Based on Lynn Johnston’s previous statements, this would suggest the comic will be no more this time next year. Lynn Johnston, however, is a liar. This horrible blight on the comics page will continue until she dies of an acute case of Spite, at which point it her minions will take up her mantle and continue publishing the strip ad infinitum.

  37. Donald The Anarchist
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    #19 Did Mama Keane steal Chef’s recipe for Chocolate Salty Balls? Put ‘em in yer mouth, Jeffy!

    A3G I hope Alan’s clients end up being recognizable versions of such classic junkies as Charlie Parker, Lenny Bruce, Billy Holiday and William S. Burroughs. Either that or I hope they have stink lines and flies buzzing around them.

    MT “Now remember, Cherry, if she puts her hand on your knee, that’s a clear signal that she wants to go further, but it might help to loosen things up if you both have a couple of glasses of wine first. Just remember if she tries to take it further than you want to go, then you say ‘No!’ and mean it, and don’t let her tie you up without a safety word, and remember she can’t publish any of the photoes unless you sign a release…”

    RMMD “Finally! Someone wants to hear one of my garbage stories! I KNEW that journal was a good idea.”

  38. Muffaroo
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Wolf Shepherd @28 – Looks more like a five-day rule to me.

    FC – “Hey, Mommy’s right! They can roll a pillbug in crap and if it’s on a stick, I’ll eat it!”

    MW – So now Mary’s going to invite poor old Jeff over to the Bum Boat so she can flaunt her councilman or comptroller of phone poles or whatever he is. Deja freakin vu.

    Momma – Cool! The little prune pit can actually see one day into the future. (It’s so hard to believe this is the same artist who did those brilliant Miss Peach strips, and the hilarious MAD piece where he finished a Steve Canyon strip for Caniff.)

    Phantom – I can’t wait to see how this wrenching drama plays out. I’m expecting a battle of the tightens. If they don’t monkey around, it could span the globe. (Eh, nuts, I’d have to be a tool to believe that.)

  39. AeroSquid
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    FC: I’m just going to say it: Testicle.

  40. JB
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    I’m in Seattle, too. Born/bred/raised (near) here. Educated elsewhere, returned post-undergrad. Raising my kids here.

    What’cha wanna know, Helena?

    Luann — oh, dammit…I thought we were through with this storyline, back before Brad needed a shave? It doesn’t even deserve proper snark…I think what it needs is for Delta to get distracted by a guy (that was the G-rated version of what I mean) and stop harping on her friends. Back to Toni and that shaver, maybe…

  41. Anonymous
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Barbie & Ken do drugs, but only Barbie likes it!

  42. Gabacho
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – I wonder if Mary is going to closure Jeff like Vera closured Drew? That would be fun. Well not for Jeff. But I’d enjoy it.

    Apt 3G – What the heck is on that wall? Is that MRSA?

  43. Orange Doorhinge
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    FoBoWo: Elly’s eyes look like hypno-lines, spinning round and round, like a spiral within a spiral, a wheel within a wheel…till the people near her do exactly what she says. Or throw up.

  44. realtorlady
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Six Chix: Had me laughing out loud! Hilarious!

    Brenda Starr: Am I like the ONLY one out here wanting to know how this mysterious one-eyed man (in KAZOOKISTAN??? Give me a break!)happens to have a one-eyed kid and now we find that the one-eyed kid has an HONEST TO GOSH ONE-EYED DOG! AND THE DOG WEARS AN EYE PATCH TOO! When did having an eye-patch become a genetic trait you could pass on to your kids or your dogs? WAS IT CAUSED BY MRSA?? Where is PETA when you need them?

  45. LTBF
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think Liz ever really wanted to stay long in Mtgrwhsjufur. She went back to Foobville every summer. If she really liked the people there, why not stay in the summer swhen she’d have more free time to get to know them? If she needed the cash, i’m sure she could have gotten some kind of part time job there.

  46. Stan Marsh
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    So, to me, it seems clear to me that her plan is to get her eldest daughter married off before the end of the calendar year. Based on Lynn Johnston’s previous statements, this would suggest the comic will be no more this time next year. Lynn Johnston, however, is a liar. This horrible blight on the comics page will continue until she dies of an acute case of Spite, at which point it her minions will take up her mantle and continue publishing the strip ad infinitum.

    Holy crap dude!

  47. justathought
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Family Circus cartoon can be improved by removing one of the vowels in the caption and substituting the word “ass”.

    This same method works just as well on more than 90% of Family Circus cartoons.

  48. Shana
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    …is that deer in Mark Trail talking? It really looks like the deer is talking.

  49. John C Fremont
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    # 38 – Enjoyed your Phantom take, Muffaroo. I wish I’d said that.

    (Of course, any Monty Python fan knows the correct response to that is, “You will, Oscar, you will.)

  50. rhymes with puck
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Six Chix: Cock-a-doodle-doo, indeed!

    FW: Hey, douchebag, having your secretary remind you about your anniversary isn’t ‘almost forgetting’, that is ‘forgetting and getting bailed out by the secretary you haven’t given a raise to in five years because you’re a dick’.

    MT: For someone who doesn’t think Cherry can take care of herself, Mark sure does leave Cherry alone to care for herself a lot.

    MW: From most women, asking her boyfriend to ‘come right over’ after a fight would mean it’s time to cue the porn music. Unfortunately he most poor Jeff can look forward to is a trip to the Bum Boat and listening to how wring Jeff was to meddle in her meddling.

    RMMD: Looks like that guy’s got a little MRSA on his chin.

    Spider-Man: You would think that instead of attacking the Vulture in mid-air he’d just throw a brick at him. Of course, you’d also think that a guy would feel pretty silly flying around in a green bird costume…

    FC: It looks like Jeffy walked over to the cat box and made a lollipop with a used stick and a piece of cat poop.

    BB: Of course Sarge’s favorite food is hash – he doesn’t have to chew it with the one disturbingly deformed tooth of his.

  51. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure Cherry’s noticed it; the fucking thing won’t shut up, near as I can tell.

    Also: I thought the thing on the stick in FC was an olive, of the sort you might find perched in a martini glass, and don’t tell me that Jeffy putting away a pint of gin a day since infancy isn’t exactly what’s required to explain the permanently addled state of that particular shambling horror of idiocy.

  52. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    SFMarcus@12, re: Six Chix

    If this is why roosters crow, then Key West must be avian swingers paradise.

    (For those who’ve never been there, Key West has feral chickens, and the roosters crow constantly, all day long. I thought it was random, but… hmm…)

  53. AhClem
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    FC – Well, that finally answers the question of where the Keane’s go every year for their vacation.

  54. fluffy
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    When the six chicks chickens fuck do they each produce six chicks? Are we about to see exponential population explosions of chicks, here?

  55. annabananna
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    God, when I first saw the FC headline, I misread it as ‘Flood’ Horror, and I thought Jeffy had found some especially gruesome bit of Katrina victim aftermath. As it is, I’m not sure that wouldn’t be preferable to the poo-colored lollipop thing on a stick he’s clutching, though.

    BTW, what’s up with interrogatee’s chin in RMMD? Is the deadly staph virus eating a hole in it or something? Wouldn’t that maybe clue Rex in to that he’s found the right infected guy?

  56. Islamorada Girl
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    GT: That is a gymsuit, ca, 1965, Mrs. Gil Thorp is wearing. (I can’t recall her name and I don’t care.). As noted by other Mudges, they were hideous and uncomfortable, came in the most hideous colors on the planet and after a semester in your locker, could stand up on their own. Why is she still wearing that? Is it vintage chic or something? Or does it turn ol’ Gil on?

    Death and brain bleach to Gil Thorp. Thank you.

  57. Comicatrix
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Oh, look! Jeffy’s finally gone and eaten one of his own balls!
    It REALLY was just a matter of time…he certainly wasn’t gonna use them.

  58. teenchy
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    GT: Since it’s unclear whether she’s wearing shorts or a skirt below the waist, I thought Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp might be wearing a 1940s-era women’s professional baseball uniform, a la A League of Their Own.

  59. Rotten Arsenal
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    GT: Forget what Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp is wearing… why isn’t she wearing a batting helmet in the final panel? I can only assume that it is one of these:
    A) She is far more concerned with her hair looking good than protecting against a head injury
    B) She isn’t actually in the batter’s box, but just posing
    C) Old Man with Cellphone’s head is about to be introduced to CMCT’s “woody”

    RMMD: Holy cow! I just realized that the character of “punk who is obviously guilty of something” is being played by special guest star, Vanilla Ice! Nice to see that he can still get work. This is quite a coup for RMMD!

    MT: I noticed that the other day, big ass bird thing was talking to the house, today it’s a big ass deer. Is the house from the same family as the House of Mystery and House of Secrets? Is this the House of Stupid?

  60. cheech wizard
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    36/etho – the reason that Elly is horrified by the prospect of a summer wedding is that it allows only a two-week window of opportunity, them living in Canada and all.

  61. cheech wizard
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    GT- Mimi’s caption in the third panel should be “Oh, yeah? Come and make me!”

  62. dimestore lipstick
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    AhClem–Appropos of nothing, really: Union Street Station, home of the Turkey Testicle Festival, is two doors down from my dad’s car lot.

    It’s more about drunk bikers than turkey testicles.

  63. cheech wizard
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    What’s with the weird visual angles in GT anyway? In the first panel, you’re looking up at both Gil and the kid, like it’s from the perspective of some smart-ass kid the coach just decked and now is turning his attention to other things. In panel 2, you’re looking down on everything, like Gil ruptured a cerebral artery and the kid is now having a NDE.

    But panel 3 has the strangest of all – you’re looking up at the janitor, who’s visible from the elbow up, but you can see Mimi in the background from the knees up – meaning she’s transformed into the 60-foot woman and 300-foot backstop. And she’s still gettting ready to tee off on the guy’s cranium like a T-ball.

  64. Tweeks_Coffee
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    #17 – Gah: I will have to highly disagree with you on that point. The soap strips, and Josh’s commentary on them, are what got me hooked on this site in the first place. My sides hurt after I read through the Mary Worth archives the first time (still happens whenever I go back in time) and then I continued on to Mark Trail. Though a variety is good, the soap strips are the bread and butter of this site.

  65. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    justathought @ 47 wrote:

    Today’s Family Circus cartoon can be improved by removing one of the vowels in the caption and substituting the word “ass”.

    “Asst fell on the floor and got some floor on it.”

    “It fassll on the floor and got some floor on it.”

    “It fell assn the floor and got some floor on it.”

    “It fell on thass floor and got some floor on it.”

    “It fell on the flassor and got some floor on it.”

    “It fell on the floassr and got some floor on it.”

    “It fell on the floor assnd got some floor on it.”

    “It fell on the floor and gasst some floor on it.”

    “It fell on the floor and got sassme floor on it.”

    “It fell on the floor and got somass floor on it.”

    “It fell on the floor and got some flassor on it.”

    “It fell on the floor and got some floassr on it.”

    “It fell on the floor and got some floor assn it.”

    “It fell on the floor and got some floor on asst.”

    …OK, I give up. How’s that supposed to work again?

  66. bellamom
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    FC- I thought Jeffy had skewered one of Daddy’s severed testicles that Mommy keeps in a jar on her night stand. Family Circus and cannabalism seems like a match made in heave to me. If nothing else, it would finally end the strip’s interminable run when there were no more family members left to devour.

  67. bellamom
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    oops! I meant “heaven” not “heave.”

  68. cheech wizard
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    FC – “It says… oh, hell, I can’t read this! Mommy, maybe you ought to take Barfy’s temperature.”

  69. LTBF
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    “Heave” works well, too. It describes what I feel like doing after reading FC

  70. Muffaroo
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    bellamom @67 – I think “a match made in heave” has a certain poetry going for it.

  71. Linus\' blanket
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    I am also dumbfounded at the current Brenda Starr storyline. OK, maybe Dad and son both suffer from a horrible Cyclops-style genetic defect that leaves them with one good eye and one disturbing empty socket, but that doesn’t explain the dog! Did the child torture his beloved pet in some sort of sick ritual? Was he only interested in the one-eyed dogs at the shelter? Why do I care so much about this?

  72. LTBF
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    64-I agree with you. I have started reading Rex Morgan, Judge Parker and Mary Worth because of this forum.

    I think serial strips are easier to lampoon than gag a day strips since there is all the background story we are familiar with and can snark on as part of each day’s strip. That why FOOB is such a “popular” strip around here.

  73. Girl Reporter
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Realtorlady: Brenda Starr: Am I like the ONLY one out here wanting to know how this mysterious one-eyed man (in KAZOOKISTAN??? Give me a break!)happens to have a one-eyed kid and now we find that the one-eyed kid has an HONEST TO GOSH ONE-EYED DOG! AND THE DOG WEARS AN EYE PATCH TOO! When did having an eye-patch become a genetic trait you could pass on to your kids or your dogs? WAS IT CAUSED BY MRSA?? Where is PETA when you need them?

    Ah, yes, Realtorlady. Welcome to the wonderful world of Basil ‘n’ Brenda. It involves decades of intrigue, adventure, mystery, bouts of amnesia, black orchids, awards for enterprise reporting, and tongues firmly planted in cheeks. It’s going to be a great summer!

  74. SpiffBereft
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    FC: I was going to rip on Mommy’s housekeeping skills, but to be fair, Jeffy may have dropped the lollipop on the men’s room floor at the downtown bus station where his parents abandoned him.

  75. bats :[
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Are those Dickens’ chickens? It looks like they got into the Spencer Farms wine cellar. They deserved to die.

    10. Canuck: I puzzled out the same “better line” when I read this. Damn, we need help.

    I also wonder if there’s a court injunction or something that prevents the adult JK from making his sibs the butt (ahem) of many of his strips. Maybe he needs more help than we do:

    45. LTBF: I agree with you completely about Liz always running home. Granted, some teachers have a 9-month school year, but her stay there pretty much looked like an extension of her being in college, coming home between the spring and fall semesters. Then again, Elly probably would’ve burst a blood vessel if her only daughter had decided to stay amongst the heathen when she didn’t have to.

    71. Linus’ blanket re BS: maybe there aren’t a whole lot of women in Kazookistan, and Basil gave in late one lonely night…

  76. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Oh don’t mind me.

  77. gnome de blog
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    44, 71:
    73 Girl Reporter summed it up better than I can (thank you, G.R.).

    It isn’t the kid’s dog. It’s Brenda’s dog. His name is Patch. I assume Brenda rescued it from the pound because the one black eye reminded her of her mystery man.

  78. Moss_Moses
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    “Oh Mary, I miss you. Haven’t we been apart long enough”? What a milquetoast! Mary was out gallivanting with a Santa Royale City Councilman while Jeff’s at home reading the paper, pounding his pud. What a loser! I guess they deserve each other.

    Is Foob finally telegraphing Chinnutz’s demise this summer? As he would say, “Yes”!

    Cherry is desperate to prove that she is not as needy and worthless as everyone else of her gender in Lost Forest (except for Sam Hills – pilot and scientist). How does letting Kelly Welly do a movie in LoFo prove anything?

  79. Tom Bombadil
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    This being A3G, I imagine Haley’s friends are the type of “lowlifes” who buy their hair-care products at the supermarket instead of the salon.

  80. El Santo
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Ahem… I believe the correct expression is chicken loving.

  81. P-Supe
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Yesterday Abbey was talking out of her crotch and today June is talking out of her breasts! So why do girls get angry when I don’t look them in the eyes?

  82. Tybalt
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    based on the experiences of friends and family who have wed Canadians, it does not work like that anymore [if it ever did] so please don’t try this at home

    You’re just using us Canadians for the sex. We know.

  83. No Boxcar, Slylock
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    I think Six Chicks finally reveals that we’ve been asking the wrong question all along; clearly the rooster is the one who came first, and the chicken never did.

  84. Vince M
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    52: PBS ran a great documentary ‘A Natural History of the Chicken’ that had a segment about a guy who became the neighborhood pariah when he turned his yard into a rooster compound (raising them for fighting). Roosters apparently crow to define their territory – fine if there’s one rooster in the yard, but if there’s hundreds of them they’re all competing against each other, all the time.
    I got to experience that phenomenon camping out in the yard at a house party of a friend whose neighbor had a similar hobby. Not a sound you could shut out or grow used to…

  85. Girl Reporter
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    oh Oh OH!! And add “knotty situations” to that list.

  86. ThursdayNext
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    FC-What the hell kind of housekeeper is Thel, anyway? You don’t see her doing much of anything else, but you occasionally see her cleaning. But by the looks of that dropped lollipop, the family actually spends the days wading through the inches deep raw sewage on the floor.

  87. Gojira
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    GT: Mimi’s not just batting without a helmet, she’s snapping the handle of the bat, she’s that tough.

  88. dyslexic dog
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    RMMD, FC: Could be the dark spot on Jimmy’s chin is a remnant of the drippy testsicle he got from Jeffy.

    Thank God I couldn’t work in Six Chix…

  89. Craig
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    Jeffy’s meatball lollipop looks delicious… and by delicious, I mean not.

  90. fed up to HERE!
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe: That outfit does look like a gymsuit from the ’60s. I have never been able to stand the color known as ‘royal blue’ ever since.

    FOOB: The wedding HAS to take place, and soon, yes, this summer. But fear not: it will be in the Patterson back yard. They’ve got everything covered: dress (found in crawlspace), photographer (Weed), food (Elly)…you know. I am looking forward to a big single panel strip on that day, hopefully a Sunday strip, with everyone who has ever appeared in Foob-land drawn in there.

    Anyone remember waaaay long ago when Marvel Comics put out a special issue “the marriage of Mr. Fantastic and The Invisible Girl”. Now THERE was a wedding, and every Marvel Comics character was there, including Dr. Strange and Millie the Model. (The gay red-headed cowboy would have been a nice touch, too bad he lived in the 19th century, LOL!)

  91. t007
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    16, 34, 35, 40…I live in Seattle too! It’s great..but you won’t be having a summer this year. Every once in a blue moon…it skips us. It’s like March here right now.

  92. commodorejohn
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Ah, back, safe, home again from the west coast! And I didn’t miss one single day of posting!

    9CL – Wait, is Edda now taking relationship advice from Slutty Pianist? Will this mean she finally makes *gasp* lip-to-lip contact with Amos?

    A3G – Whoops, Haley stayed out past midnight and turned back into a pumpkin.

    AS – Wow. The shitty art of The Argyle Sweater is even more assaultingly offensive when it’s being used to portray one of my favorite shows ever. Go to hell, Scott Hilburn!

    Baldo – So they left defective items out on the shelves and marked them down in an effort to unload them on unsuspecting customers? Now that’s some fine business ethics!


    GT – If this is what passes for normal clothing in Gil Thorp, I can’t wait to see what “Justice of the Peace elopement wedding” clothing looks like.

    JP – “What a tragedy! Do you know how many brownies that could’ve made?”

    MW – Jeff, you’re wearing an honest-to-God cheery life-is-good smile for the first time I can recall since I started following this strip. That’s a hint.


    OBH – Hmm, Avis has gone from “the Joker” to “Tammy Faye Bakker” since I saw her last. I’m not sure whether this is an improvement.

    RMMD – Is that June’s left breast or shoulder doing the talking?

  93. dyslexic dog
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    #92 commodorejohn:
    RMMD: Neither. Her navel is a ventriloquist.


  94. Zaq
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know where all this “lollipop” or “testicle” nonsense came from. Jeffy’s clearly eating a piece of takoyaki. With some floor on it.

    Paging Mr. Fable… just wondering if today’s (Tuesday’s) FOOB caused the same visceral hatred in you as it did in me. Normally I can articulate why foob pisses me off, or see when it’s less offensive than usual, but today’s was vile and I don’t know why. Fable, you’re the best at tearing into Lynn, and if the spirit moves you, I’d love to hear your take on today’s?

  95. survivor
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Oh dear God!

    Judging by that stance – that’s not a baseball bat that Mrs. Coach Thorp is holding …. it’s a BROADSWORD!

    Look out cell phone dude! She’s got a look of ‘There can be only one highlander!’ in her eyes

  96. doug rogers
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    That’s disgusting. What the hell does Thelma do all day?

  97. bats :[
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Hurrah, that rascally alter-ego of bats :[ (aka, Linda from Tucson) made it to Coffee Stalk again (8 June)! Yeah, it’s ragging on Liz being too cheap and/or selfish to toss some coins in a parking meter so she could spend some of that precious “wedding pre-planning” time with her grandfather. Oh, yeah, and just what a vapid jerk she is.

    But, I feel better. (And I’m angling for the Monthly Mug so I can give it to True Fable, kinda like an Academy Award.)

  98. BenG
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Because nobody likes you Bernice.


  99. cheech wizard
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    FC – “Mommy, I pulled this out of my ass.”

  100. Saluki
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    Wait, I thought Jeff was Ron’s brother.

  101. Judo Throw Toy
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Jeffy looks like he just robbed a dung beetle. Either that or it’s one of those root beer flavored dum dums, which are almost as gross.

  102. Bobdog, Jungle Patrol - SVU (not an Elephant, not Spam)
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    This reminds of the Dave Barry book “Dave Barry Does Japan” in which he sees T-Shirts with seemingly random English phrases printed on them — one of which is “King Fucker Chicken” — which would be a pretty good name for a band.

  103. Rhekarid
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    I find it hard to believe that Jeffy actually dropped his lollipop on the floor of the Keane compound. It didn’t pick up any of the severed fingers of Jehovah’s Witnesses that I assume litter the carpet.

  104. Barney\\\'s Google
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    Chickens Fucking – Isn’t that the name of a grunge band back in the 80′s?

  105. Gojira
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    #90 fed up to HERE! re: FF Annual #3: Fondly remembered. Two-Gun Kid didn’t make the cut, but Kid Colt did make the cover.

    A super-villain attack on the FOOB wedding is a great idea! Where’s Dr. Doom when you need him?

  106. Jamus The Bartender
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    90/Fed up: An even better wedding was the one in New Teen Titans where Donna Troy/Wonder Girl at that time married her boyfriend, professor of Greek stuff Terry Long. No supervillains bombing hell out of the place, just a nice wedding, with all the Teen Titans up to that point in evidence, everyone was nice to each other and didn’t act like a bunch of goobers like Lynn Johnston has them do….Terry Long died later, but it was still a nice wedding.
    Oh, and yeah. Rawhide Kid ROCKED!!

  107. Dr. Weird
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    90 fed up to HERE! –

    Now I have the urge to see Canadian heroes Wolverine and Alpha Flight (well, Omega Flight now) at the Patterson wedding!

    Supervillians would attack, as is traditional, and Grandpa could throw himself in front of Baron Strucker’s gun to save April!

  108. Dr. Weird
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    #106 Jamus -Great minds think alike! Two other posts about supervillians as I was writing mine!

    Though even Lynn wouldn’t retcon Donna Troy’s husband and child out of existence… would she?!

  109. commodorejohn
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    #107 Dr. Weird – As long as Wolverine schnicks his claws through Elly’s bloated noggin, ‘sall good with me.

  110. Darkefang
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    #36 Etho –

    “FOOB: Many are doom and glooming that this means the strip will go on for years and years more. That is certainly something to doom and gloom about. But after whats-er-face goes on about not wanting to rush things, then says something about summer weddings being nice, Elly looks horrified. I choose to assume that her horror is at the fact that she must plan a wedding before the end of the summer, which means she has it clearly lodged in her head that the wedding is going to happen this year, goddammit. She won’t entertain the notion that her daughter wants to have a wedding in the summer of 2009 or, god forbid, 2010. It will be this year. She didn’t raise no hussy.

    So, to me, it seems clear to me that her plan is to get her eldest daughter married off before the end of the calendar year. Based on Lynn Johnston’s previous statements, this would suggest the comic will be no more this time next year. Lynn Johnston, however, is a liar. This horrible blight on the comics page will continue until she dies of an acute case of Spite, at which point it her minions will take up her mantle and continue publishing the strip ad infinitum.”

    Maybe I’ve been misinterpreting something, but I was under the impression that Johnston was planning on running Foob in its current state – slowly devolving into nothing but a series of flashback strips from when the strip was still good – until someone “knocks her off the comics pages.”

  111. Mibbitmaker
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    #90 (fed up to HERE!): Oh, there’ll be a big Sunday strip with a crowded bunch looking on at Lizthony’s wedding alright — except it won’t be all their friends and family, it’ll be every old suitor Liz has had in FOOB history. Just for spite.

    There just won’t be room for anybody else!

  112. Jamus The Bartender
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    108: I like the idea of Baron Strucker meeting up with Grandpa Jim at the wedding. Great minds indeed.
    I don’t think Terry Long and Robert were “retconned out” so much as killed off. The marriage of Spider Man and MJ was retconned out, whereas John Byrne caused Terry’s car to go over a cliff one day and…that was it.
    Shame too. Terry Long was a nice guy who almost became the Alicia Masters of the Titans….you know how it is, the superhero team has a “normal person” as their friend to keep the common touch. With the JLA it was Snapper Carr, then Sue Dibny, the X-Men had a dancing instructor named Stevie Hunter as their physical trainer for a time, the Avengers had Edwin Jarvis like forever…..sadly, DC editorial decreed that Terry Long become a jerk….so off the cliff he goes.

  113. Dr. Weird
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    #112 Jamus

    Is it even legal to talk about comic books here? :)

    The car went off a cliff, but then something was strange with the autopsies a couple of issues later… the bodies weren’t human, or even “real.” Turns out Donna had been constantly tormented by someone called Dark Angel, who created multiple lives for her to live out and have bad things happen in… then things got really complex and messy after that. Made Hawkman look sensible.

  114. True Fable
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    # 94 Zaq – Gladly.

    FBoFW That first panel just screams, LIZ IS AFRAID SHE’S MADE A MISTAKE! And furthermore, one that she now thinks she can’t get out of. And she can’t; Angstony will guilt her back into it. “Think of Francie, poor little motherless (!!) Francie, how disappointed she’ll be if you break my heart.” Just like the Santa incident with his daughter, Angstony will know how to manipulate Liz into doing as he wants. He’s practiced at it.

    The second panel says, Liz is still agonizing over her stupid impulse to Marry Anyone and Get The Ring. Although on the one hand Elly is right that Jim doesn’t *have* to see her walk down the aisle, it doesn’t occur to the idjit that maybe he *wants* to. That sort of thing is pretty hard to express on a word board that doesn’t deal in abstract thought and phrases.

    The third panel is fucking scary, both for a close up of Elly (GAHHHH!) and the fact that she thinks this wishy-washy, unhappy and emotionally torn girl before her has anything close to a Solid Plan. She can’t even a fucking wedding date and can’t even bring herself to say she loves him out loud; she hasn’t even started to figure out how to best be a Stepford Wife! Fail, fail.

    The fourth panel is disturbing because look at it once and it’s Elly feeling up Liz, and Liz likes it. Look at it again and it’s like Angstony feeling up Liz, and Liz likes it. Look at it again and it’s John with Trainhat Head, feeling up Liz and Liz…likes it. And the words fail too. “Do what’s right for you”? She doesn’t know what’s right, that’s the whole problem, dumbass.

    The fifth panel shows J/Elly gobsmacked as Liz suddenly sits up straight (with a pretty profile I have to admit, and hair in a ponytail, hot damn!)because now that Mom has assured her she can take the precious time she’s been whining about needing, Liz has decided that a summer wedding would be nice. Yeah? Nice and hot and sticky, with gnats and bugs flying around into everything? Right in the middle of a busy time of year where everything is booked solid and all service providers are tied up? Oh, but this is Milborough, where as a couple of folks here have pointed out earlier, their little Collective can produce all the services needed to pull off the Wedding of the Year, and you can bet your bottom dollar that Elly will get that smug smirk on her face and brag that “they did it themselves!”

    And years later as Liz is chasing down her miscreant spawn and swearing at them and Angstony and every male who ever ‘broke her heart’, she will pause and think of the Miracle Day when all of Lynn’s I mean God’s alignment came together and made everything possible. And she will curse even louder.


  115. Gojira
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    #106 Jamus the Bartender: I stand corrected, fed up to HERE! was definitely referring to Rawhide Kid, who was retconned gay a few years back. Got my Marvel Western heroes mixed up. Oh, well, I’m positive that’s Kid Colt on the FF Annual cover, though.

  116. DaveTheNotSoBre
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    So I’ve got some experience with immigration law. They’ll want to know how often Elmer and Branden do “it,” among other things. They even ask about positions. All I’m saying is that immigration wants to know if Branden loves Elmer for more than just his doggy style.

  117. Oddball Cargo
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    16, 34, 35, 40, 91 – Another Seattlite – I believe that El Santo is as well, and so is fizzy logic, although I’ve not seen her in ages. Fizzy and I used to get together for dinner every few weeks – tried to get the other Seattle ‘mudgeons together, but to no avail.

    Seattle is a lovely ciyt (I’m transplant) and I only have two gripes:

    (1) The drivers are awful, and I’ve lived in NYC and Beijing, so I know awful.

    (2) It’s terribly difficult to meet people here. It’s a little like living in Paris or perhaps Tokyo… people will be polite, but rarely invite you into their homes or try to form longstanding relationships with each other. Less a problem among transplants.

    Aside from the shitty weather this year, though, this is the loveliest place I have every lived (and I lived in Santa Cruz, so I know lovely).

    FOOB: Hey, Elly said something that made me think she was human. How did that slip in there?

  118. Mibbitmaker
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    6/11 Preview:

    FOOB: Oh, that John! He’ll never learn!… what an asshole Rod is. Right, Lynn? Meaningfully, Ellie gets to slap him from a distance. Symbolic enough???

    FW: And, of course, Funkymonkey does his part on Bad Husbands’ Day, too.

  119. Oddball Cargo
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]


    A third gripe might be that no one here knows how to do a quick spell check of their blog comments, but then, that’s really just me.

  120. True Fable
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    FBoFW Elly scooted off as quickly as she could to The Workshop of the Tiny Train House, which leaves me to wonder if that resulted in Liz sprawling backward into the floor. That mental image pleases me.

    John is stunned, STUNNED I tell you, that the wedding might be held This summer. Of course since Liz has never told him anything personally and has left it all up to Elly, it makes me wonder if she’d rather not be reminded that this selfish dim-witted son of a bitch is like looking into a time tunnel at the sort of man she’ll be married to. That explains to me why Liz can’t be bothered to tell him these important announcements herself.

    Ahh. So Elly, like Dee, believes that incredibly erroneously retconned dress is her mother Marian’s dress, without having seen it. Imagine the fun if, on the day of the wedding, Elly looks in at Liz and bellows, “Oh My GOD, that isn’t Mother’s dress! That’s some stranger’s dress I bought for a Halloween costume years ago and never used!”

    “A frenzy of party plans and pandemonium.” Oh yeah.

    Like, butter tarts and casseroles served at Every. Single. Bridal. Shower, and tastelessly thrown by the Clueless Mother of the Bride, against everything Emily Post ever taught. Elly will throw one herself, and then twist Connie’s arm, and Traci’s arm, and Candace’s arm (something about holding Rudy hostage until she agrees..?) and Dee will throw one. Then Mike ‘n’ Weed will throw a Bachelor Shower for Anthony (that’s right; they wouldn’t be able to throw a very convincing Bachelor Party, but oddly enough they have just the right ‘touch’ for a Shower. Hmm.) Gordon will throw one too, only his will be at the garage and Julia will jump out of the cake. Oh. Oh my. And at all of them, John won’t have to do anything but look on proudly because his daughter has the *ahem* good sense to marry someone like her good ol’ dad.

    Everyone will rally around to throw Lizthony “the best homemade wedding and reception Milborough’s ever seen!” In the middle of it all, April lets Dixie and Edgar into the reception where the dogs eat the cake and pee all over everything seconds before the couple and guests enter the area.


  121. Crankshaft Jr.
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Baldo: Hah! “Heeey, senor, wanna get a good deal on some brake pads? We got you some *special* brake pads, eh? Only for Gringos, NOBODY else!”

  122. BigTed
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    Wolf (28): The new five-second rule is that that’s how long you can look at today’s “Family Circus” before getting sick to your stomach.

  123. Crankshaft Jr.
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    Housebroken: Oooh, a hate database! Very interesting. Way to be a hater, Mia! Excellent example for the kiddies out there. (If there are still any kiddies reading the comics these days.)

  124. BigTed
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    Re “Six Chix”: To paraphrase Woody Allen in “Annie Hall,” nobody wants to hear about chicken sex, but we need the eggs.

  125. mdrew
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    While I am not too old for Ted Forth ,
    I’m not the parent of a teen.
    (The parents in ‘Zits’ should be talking about Malcolm McLaren and Exene Cervenka, not Janis Joplin),
    But I am still WAY out of touch with today’s youngsters.
    So, let me ask here:
    Does “BFF” stand for ‘Best Friend Forever’ or
    ‘Best F*cking Friend’ ?

  126. mdrew
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    And I mean that (the ‘Zits’ parents reference) in the general sense.
    Don’t go searching for Joplin references…
    (and don’t act like you weren’t going to…)

  127. Crankshaft Jr.
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Meaning of Lila: Now here’s a very nice example of a non-soap-opera strip as per Gah’s request.
    Monday: I like the guy in Pricing, so I’ll go talk to him.
    Tuesday: Panel 1: Obviously pointless question. Panel 2: Blank stare. Panel 3/4: Well that was sure a bust.
    Wednesday: Yep. You’re sure right about that Lila. On to next topic.
    In A3G world, this would take weeks of nauseatingly slow conjecture and mind-numbing second-guessing, not to mention the infrequently referenced sub-plot in which we discover the guy in Pricing is actually gay, which we all figured out in Lila’s panel 2 on Tuesday.

  128. Honeypot
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Seattle for me, too. It’s a pretty groovy place, even if it is a little soggy right now.

    Just a tip for newcomers – spend some time getting to know the various areas before you settle down for good. Each has its own ambiance, people, and politics.

  129. Joe Btfsplk
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]


    More testicles mean more iron! – Lunch Lady Doris

  130. True Fable
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    A3G And to press home the Serious Point, she’s looking straight at us!
    C’haft yeah, I’d wear that expression too if I had to drag around an old guy making really bad play on words ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
    Curtis Taking bets that Curtis will have to do summer school. Easy odds, man.
    FC Jeffy pulls out the Super Glue and applies it to the corn with that nasty thing he had yesterday.
    JP Sure. Horse farm, Winery, Chicken/Pot Farm. Hell of a portfolio, Sam.
    MT Today we catch a glimpse of the rare Ginormous-Eyed Bubblehead in panel three! The Ginormous-Eyed Bubblehead once roamed the heartland far and wide but was set upon by the Hot Sexy Pushy Welly, and its numbers dwindled. Next episode: The Power Struggle!
    MW W00t! Busted! Dr Jeff has the evidence! Yay, I’m loving this.
    RMMD Relax, Jimmy! I’m looking to arrest a bacteria! That’s why I’m looking for sweaty wrestling mats that teens used! ….!

  131. Jen
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Clearly, you’ve never been involved in Girl Scouting. Let me tell you: the belted one-piece collared-dress-culotte number exists. I had the Brownie version and the Junior GS version. Not a good look, that one.

  132. bats :[
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    Hump-day observations:

    MT: for God’s sake, Cherry…lay off the coffee! We don’t want to go around stepping on your eyeballs when they pop out of your skull.

    MW: woohoo! I didn’t expect that! Then again, I don’t think Jeff planned on ambushing Mary until they’d gotten off the phone, and he then ran across the photo in the paper. Either that, or he didn’t need to sit at the breakfast table and pantomime twirling a mustache as he set Mary up for the fall.
    And how freakin’ boring does Santa Royale have to be to feature two old-timers gumming down their dinner ON THE FRONT PAGE?!

    RMMD: argh! This is going nowhere fast! At least if we’re in the stock room it should be close to the dairy area and the freezer — can we at least have a close-up of June’s top? Just to see it the store is maintaining the proper temperature for its refrigerated and frozen goods?

    FOOB: yeah, even at the best of times, John, as the father of the bride, would be cock-blocked from doing anything except for opening his wallet (of course Liz and Elly would expect him to foot the bill).
    And why the hell does Elly care WHEN the damned wedding is? She’s a farkin’ stay-at-home whatever! Other than pretending to exercise by walking once around the block with Milhous Pancho Ethel, what else does she do? Visit her father? Volunteer? Babysit her grandkids so St. Michael can work on Novel #3 (which is an unholy mix of #1 and #2, if you know what I mean).
    If this turns out to be a garden wedding, the Queen Bee Mother might not have to do anything than just stuff her face as Michael and John grill up the burgers ‘n’ dogs. Mmmm….good eatin’ just around the corner, Mama!
    (I want Warren! I want Warren’s helicopter! I want heads to roll like lettuce! Is is so much to ask?)

  133. bats :[
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Oh, a Foobian thought…did Elly get married in Marian’s gown? If it was such an extra-special, magical piece of artistry, why didn’t she? Or did that honor go to Phil?

  134. Frank Parsnip
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    A3G: I am just loving this account of how Jones handles the branding of his dope. He doesn’t deal to lowlifes, losers or hardcore addicts because when you’re dealing JONESEY’S SUPERFLY-SUPERHIGH (NEW! WITH EXTRA DOPE!), you don’t want lowlifes, losers and hardcore addicts seen in public seen carrying the JONESEY’S shopping bags making the case that they’re “jonesin’ for some JONESEY’S”. In the long run, however, I don’t think anybody in a line of business that accepts barter blowjobs from customers should really be making these sorts of pretences.

    Luann: Orange vests for goin’ roadside to clean up trash near the ballpark? Even better would be if Luann and Bernice were to wear orange jumpsuits.

    MW: I totally love that Ron Amalfi’s already got paparazzi stalking him to get the goods on his illicit affair with Mary. Given that we never got to see anything of how the dinner finished up or how the evening closed out, I suppose that was just Moy and Giella’s way of sparing us the sight of Ron grunting “I’m finished” before toddling off to Mary’s kitchen to make himself a midnight snack or of Mary sitting on the shower floor crying that she’ll “never feel clean again”.

    But what I really like is how the newspaper seems to make sense when read in the little bits visible on the left side of the caption: “The newly electe … town councilm… enjoying a … romantic … dinner … La Rosa … and”

    Because Dr. Jeff only can read what Moy and Giella let him see based on the panel borders, he didn’t see that the actual text read: “The newly elected town councilman, Ron Amalfi, is enjoying an un-romantic dinner with a platonic friend at La Rosa restaurant. He and Mary Worth split the bill and were at their respective homes by 7:30 p.m. after a perfunctory handshake.”

    It’s hard to make out, but it also looks like the folded newspaper has a headline that reads: “Riot at the Bum Boat!”

    Sex Organ, M.D.: From Gil Thorp’s Cully Vale, we already know a far more effective way to using wrestling to kill a buddy.

    Jugs Parker: If Abbey buys Elvira’s farm at auction, then Elvira will pay her back using the bales of cash hidden under the bales of hay and pot.

    MT: Cherry looks so wired on coffee that I bet she’ll serve Kelly up a giant mug of shutthefuckup.

    Marvin: Tom Armstrong, for the love of God, get off the frickin’ Jane Austen crap and (gasp!) get back to Belly Laffs or whatever it is that you think you’re doing.

    Funky Pantysniffer: And now that the dive into Funky’s unhappy soul has reached new, unplumbed depths, he will be visited by the pained spirit of Montoni in a B&D gimp suit covered with chains who will tell Funky of the forthcoming visits of the Ghost of Pizzas Past, the Ghost of Pizza Present, and the Ghost of the Pizza You’ll Eat for Breakfast Tomorrow Morning.

  135. Mibbitmaker
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:21 am [Reply]


    9CL: “O-o-o-oh, E-e-e-edda-a-a-a!”

    A3G: …like drug dealing.

    BC: “…Okay, the first question goes to Arlene Francis…” (Man, is THAT an old reference I just made!)

    DT: Maybe it’s the PIPE?!?

    Garfield: Don’t hit ‘im, Garfield! He’s one of us! (WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!) Okay, Mibbit, bad idea…

    GA: “Third prize — Carl Kassel’s voice on your answering machine.”

    GT: Well, this has gone from a cable news debate program to an old sitcom.

    MF: Mallard, get that rubber glove off your (right) wing!!

    MT: “And now, it’s Lost Forrest, starring Cherry Trail — with her guest: filmmaker Kelly Welly. And now, ladies and gentlemen, here’s Cherry!”

    MW: We get to choose a response to today’s strip, from either….
    a) A Hawkeye Pierce “Uh-oh…!” ;
    b) An Ann Romano “Ooooh, my Goooood…!”;
    c) A Homer Simpson “D’OH!!”; or
    d) A Homer Simpson “Woo-Hoo!!”

    Zits: Nope — that was caused by events in MW!

    Ziggy: Sorry, Zig, but a dozen or so editorial cartoonists already beat you to it.

  136. Mibbitmaker
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Wednesday MW:

    It’s time…

    Okay, Mary! On one…..GO!

    Mary: “We were ON a BREAK!”

    CUT! That’s a wrap! Now let’s get those residuals over to the “Friends” people, pronto!

  137. Webster-Marriam
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    the limited palate




  138. Ridureyu
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    Ostensibly, that piece of food was only on the floor for a second or two before Jeffy picked it u p, which raises the question: What do the Keanes keep on their floor? Raw sewage?

  139. Ed Power, Cage Writer
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:36 am [Reply]


    “MC: I love this strip! My only complaint is that there aren’t any hottie male characters–could we maybe have some in the future? (I’ve only been reading the strip a couple months so I might have missed someone.)”

    A. Thanks :)

    B. We had Norm’s Gym trainer in a few strips (when he was going), and Bridget’s ex-boyfriend in one. We have a new recurring character debuting in a few weeks who will be the ‘beefcake’ character for now.

    For a while before the strip hit papers we toyed with Rex being in really good shape, but thought it would make him too un-likeable. As he is now, he’s just delusional. :D

  140. Sheila Sternwell
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I can’t be the only one to wonder just why the hell Liz doesn’t know her own damned grandfather is going downhill. Why does April have to tell her? Liz has two working legs, she can go in and see for herself.

    But hey, now we get to see ol’ Chinnuts at the wedding, knowing that he’s going to kick off within moments after the cake’s been cut. And everyone will breathe a sigh of relief, except April, who will freak out while everyone else rolls their eyes at her.

    I speculate this because LJ’s portrayal of a bratty teen is so inept that it’s actually the most likable, human character in the strip.

    #137 – Is the misspelling of “Merriam” an ironic joke?

  141. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    111 – it’ll be every old suitor Liz has had in FOOB history
    Ha, yes, I am imagining them immobilized, with their eyes held open Clockwork Orange style.

  142. Trilobite
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:07 am [Reply]

    Wednesday’s comics stopped in just to say hi:

    A3G: Bad things happen out there in the world of Apartment 3G, it’s true. People park their cars haphazardly. Department store clerks fail to re-fold articles of clothing properly. Men date Margo. It’s like living in a war zone!

    Mark Trail: I think Cherry Trail made her coffee with extra methamphetamines this morning…and I think Kelly Welly just made the biggest mistake of her life. Also, I think we just figured out what all those crazy-ass squirrels have been drinking.

    Mary Worth: As wonderful as it is to see Dr. Jeff confront Mary with the evidence of her cheatin’ heart, the sad part is that by the end of all this, Mary will find some way to prove that it’s all his fault and he’ll end up groveling for forgiveness.

    Of course, the saddest part is that the way the Charterstone gossip mill has been shown to operate, right now Mary should be getting the “You painted jezebel!” looks from the throngs of characters who loiter in the background of every outdoor or hallway scene. But no, no one would dare accuse Mary of being a shameless hussy. Maybe because then they’d end up imagining her gettin’ it on with her gentlemen callers. It’s not a pleasant image — all wrinkles and arthritis cremes and doilies, her vacant blue eyes locked firmly on the ceiling. And her hair never moves.

  143. True Fable
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    The very idea of Mary Worth as a painted jezebel with a heart of tin and the air of a cheap bottle of knockoff perfume is…well, it’s pretty damn accurate, come to think of it.

    Mary Wanton. Coming to a newspaper near you!

    (Hey, at least it’s not coming IN a newspaper ne — ohhhh brain bleach!

    June Morgan on the other hand looks like a screamer and a clawer, to me.

  144. spinster with cat
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:02 am [Reply]

    OK, I know that 9CL employs some pretty high-falutin’ language sometimes, but no one, no one, under the age of seventy uses the word “slacks” to refer to pants. Even the British don’t use the word “slacks;” they say say “trousers.”

  145. Lavish Amount
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    That thing on a stick in FC is green! GREEN!

    Unless I’m colour blind. Oh God, I’m colour blind, aren’t I?

  146. Frank Parsnip
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    spinster w/cat (144): It also struck me that MTM was famous in those shows for wearing Capri pants at a time when all the other TV show wives were wearing dresses. Not sure if 9CL quite caught that Petrie’s “slacks” were perhaps a bit nicer looking than what he’s drawn. Hey, if I wanted to laugh at random pop-culture references, I’d go watch “Family Guy.”

  147. Plasma
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: She’d better get… “braced”? Is this some new drug slang I’m unfamiliar with? Or is she planning on donning some sort of corset?

  148. Brick Bradford
    June 11th, 2008 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Sheila–Going to visit Grandpa would interfere with Liz’s complete and utter self obesession and cut back on her whining time.

    MT–A nice cup of cheap bourbon will brace you for anything.

    MF–It’s funny because people try to take care of their health.

  149. Squirrelntherain
    June 11th, 2008 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    SixChix- Juding from the heavy-lidded hen and that untouched second glass of wine, I think someone was slipped a roofie.

  150. Brick Bradford
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Recalling the cover of FF Annual #3 (and dreaming of the Skrulls attacking the FOOB wedding–wait, wait, My God THEY ARE SKRULLS!!!!) reminded me of another great cover. Way back in the 80′s there was a summer issue of Marvel Age–Marvel’s in house “news” mag and hype organ–which was just brilliant. In the background we see all the Marvel heroes frolicing at a lovely picnic. In the foreground we see only the armored hands of Dr. Doom, slowly opening a jar of……….ANTS! Without doubt one of John Byrne’s greatest covers.

  151. man behind the curtain
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    A3G — That’s some resume Alan has built. Artist, art gallery assistant curator, drug dealer and, coming soon, PIMP.

    GT — I hope someone stops Elmer and Branden before sex occurs.

    MW — Obviously, Mary is Ron’s beard.

    RMMD — I guess Rex is going to the mat to solve this mystery. Of course, why would Jimmy necessarily know who came along and took the mats from the trash? Why would he care? it was trash; there for the taking.

  152. Whippersnapper
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    A3-G: Studies show that among hard-core female crackheads, safety is the number one concern.

    Foob: It’s already June and they’re planning a wedding for this summer? I’d say it’s impossible, but I’m sure they can half-ass it at least as well as Granthony half-assed his proposal.

    MW: It’s a slow news day in Santa Royale when the headline is “New Council Member and Some Old Woman Have Dinner.”

  153. queek
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    so, has anyone told True Fable about the goat in Slylock Fox today?

    *crawls off for coffee*

  154. bluepencil
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    MW: Hmm. Ron tells Mary (6/6) that he was “appointed” to the town council. The newspaper caption (6/11) of the photo of him and Mary calls him “the newly elected town councilman.”

    Either Mary didn’t do her civic duty and vote in the recent elections, or Ron has selective brain freeze: He knows he’s on “our city’s town council” but has no clue how he got there.

    Where are Woodward and Bernstein when we need them?

  155. AhClem
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MW – Oops, looks like Mary has been caught in her little web of lies and deception.
    Cue the sitcom trumpets: Wah-wah-wah-waaaaahhhh!

  156. Niall
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Ed Power: I remember Jim Rat (still a great pun name), but not Bridget’s ex… and I’m still hoping to see Ashley dressed up this week. :)

    Yayyy, back home! Don’t have to use an anonymous tag anymore..

  157. Patrick
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    The sad thing is, Haley is talking to Alan about bringing in new art gallery customers. They’re the REAL low-lifes.

  158. gleeb
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    A3G: Haley’s staring directly out at us in the second panel. Constant drug use has opened the doors of perception for her. She knows, to some extent, that she’s in a comic strip, and that her joys and sufferings are controlled, predestined, a source of amusement for the three-dimensional beings “out there”.

    Cathy: Good God, woman! You panic unless and until you father is there? You’re an adult, stop being so damned dependent on men!

    ‘shaft: All she has to do is get him on the uptown A train and quickly get off herself, French Connection style. Then she wouldn’t have to deal with him again.

    Dick: I think at this point we all know that Mr Calabash Pipe here is Shirl Locke’s daddy, Conandoyle Smith, so there’s no reason not to show us his freaky eyes, Locher.

    ‘bean: It could be worse. He could put, “Major Strasser has been shot,” on the card.

    Rhymes with Orange: He’s naked. I really hope “working from home” doesn’t mean “regularly screwing the cat”.

  159. Tweeks_Coffee
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    A3G: Ah yes, Jones is one of those highbrow dealers I’ve been hearing about. Meanwhile, Alan’s pandering to the crack-whore crowd. It’s a niche market, granted, but they’re a pretty eager bunch. Pretty soon Alan will be setting up his own 2girls1cup shoot.
    BB: The ladies didn’t know that before? How ong have they been working with Halftrack anyway?
    ‘Shaft: There’s something to like about today’s strip. No, really, it’s true. Namely that my new (first?) favorite character pissed-off-guy-on-cellphone debuted! Look at him, you know he’s tearing into some poor secretary.
    DT: Had a glitch? They were in a chopper over the crooks. What the hell kind of glitch can you have?
    GT: Special guest commentator, Morbo. Morbo?
    Thank you, Morbo.
    MF: if the caricatures weren’t so horrifying, this might actually be amusing.
    MT: Looks like Cherry’s been Irishing up that coffee for a good while now. “Get braced”?
    Marvin: I’m out.
    MW: How did Ron and Mary not realize that they were getting photographed? Why is Jeff wearing the same clothes as yesterday? Why does Mary have Kaz’s earrings?
    SL: Gamma Rays? Oh, how I pray this is going to lead into a Hulk parody.

  160. John Small Berries
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    MT: Cherry’s disproportionately large head in panel three is Elrod’s subliminal reinforcement of the premise that it’s undesirable for a woman to be independent: her self-confidence is giving her a swelled head.

    Or maybe he’s just got a lousy sense of proportion. I’m not sure which.

  161. Islamorada Girl
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    3G: Great will be the Wrath of Margo when she finds out Alan and Haley have turned the gallery into a crackhouse/bordello without giving her a 60% cut. When the art critic for the Times writes it up as the best performance piece EVER, she’ll calm right down.

  162. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    9DQ: “Slack” is what that drawing of Isabel does for my penis.

    A3G: Do those bad things that happen have to do with roving gangs of hairdressers randomly giving drug addicts hairstyles that cruelly accentuate their oversized foreheads? Haley looks like Frida Kahlo after Mark Trail punched her eyebrows off.

    (WT)DT: That would be your meerschaum.

    Drabble: Ewww, what’s in that pool? Pancake syrup? Phlegm? Se… wait, I don’t wanna know. Suffice to say it looks like something even little Jeffy wouldn’t want to dip his lollipop in.

    MT: GAAAH! Geez, don’t do that to me! I’d say you look plenty “braced” already there, Cherry. Any more caffeine and your heart will explode.

    MW: Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your man-harem grow? With silver bells and lubricant gels and eager studs all in a row!

    Pluggers: This is a repeat.


    SFx: GOAT! Too bad, Mr. Goat, but the tree didn’t fall down. Your piggy friends will be entombed in the tar pit forever. At least they got a good last meal out of the bargain.

    S-M: Okay, again, how the flerpin’ snertz is Spidey staying up there, several hundred yards above the roof of the nearest building? Skyhooks? Oh, and hey, bright boy, Vulture’s flying. Ever think of webbing up his wings instead of his feet?

  163. blammers66
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    I keep hoping for the “Comics Commando Squadron” (US or Canadian) to execute a midnight raid on the FOOB studios in deepest darkest Canukland and draw either a strip depicting Grampa Jim choking to death on his medication OR the strip where Foobville takes a direct hit from a fiery asteroid, destroying everyone AND their flashbacks.

  164. Buck Ripsnort
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    For those who contemplated a supervillain attack on the FOOOB wedding: (the extra O is for extra O MY GOD MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PLEASE!!!!)
    Can anyone trying to prevent Foob-breeding really be called a villain?

  165. Gabacho
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – I am certain that Toby was the one who tipped off the press.

    After Mary summarily dismissed Toby’s attempt to advise her last Monday, Toby lay awake all night plotting her sweet revenge. It’s all crashing down around Mary now. Ha ha ha.


  166. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    To continue today’s theme of Disturbing Sexual Imagery Comics…

    Luann: Looks like Delta has finally figured out her friends: They’re up for anything if the possibility of cock is involved. This will not serve Luann well later in life. “No way, I don’t want to star in your direct-to-internet sex video! What do you think I am?” “There’ll be GUYS there…” “Really? Warm up the Bang Bus, I’ll grab the AstroGlide!”

  167. Calico
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Did Elly cut her hand off and throw it at John?
    More male-bashing! Haha! John is a sloth!

    FC – Hmmm…shit on a stick, dipped in chocolate.
    I think I need to go heave now.

    MT – Gaaaack Cherry get AWAY from me

  168. Calico
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    #147 – I think that may be Cherry’s code word for kinky bondage sex with Kelly.

  169. Darkefang
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: You’re right Haley. Drug dealers hate people who’re constantly purchasing more and more of their product.

  170. Calico
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    #142 – Mary is a huckster for Aqua Net and Dippity-Do. Hence the frozen hair.

  171. DAS
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Suffice to say it looks like something even little Jeffy wouldn’t want to dip his lollipop in. – Spectacular Spider Brick

    I think that would be CoTW material (or at least get you a mention in a special “naughty” section) if you continued this line of thought:

    “it looks like something even little Jeffy wouldn’t want to dip his lollipop in, if you know what I mean”

  172. McManx
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Six Chix — It’s even funnier because the allusion to chicken sex avoided the obvious “cocks” and “peckers” joke. Sophisticated poultry porn…who’d a thunk it?

  173. Islamorada Girl
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    In my experience as someone who was there when dinosaurs roamed the earth, men Mary Worth’s age are far more interested in women Dawn Weston’s age than silver haired meddlers who don’t put out and don’t have enormous investment portfolios. But in the Chatterstone version of reality, all the guys want dowdy, Ethel Mertz Memorial Shirtwaist-wearing Mary! Yeah, as if, baby.

  174. louder
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I have nothing but CONTEMPT for LJ at this point…

  175. Mr. Lemon
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Rex! You Fool! Don’t you know what happens on the wrestling mat STAYS on the wrestling mat? You’ve broken a sacred highschool taboo!

  176. Red Greenback
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Can’t they just fly in Margo from that other strip? … and Frank Parsnip @ #134: Your Mary Worth riff is priceless! “Riot at the Bum Boat!” …BWAHAHAHA!

  177. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]


    Phantom: “Luckily, these blacklights run off their own power supply.”

    MW: There are slow news days, and then there are days when “Councilman seen on bench with sixty-something killjoy” makes the front page.

    MT: Tomorrow, Cherry answers the door with the smile of the undead, says “Hello Kelly, I’m very braced to meet you.” Kelly Welly makes a U-turn and decides to shoot in a Denver city park.

    9CL: Now here we’re getting some comic payoff. But “Myrna Loy iconography”?

    Marvin: They say suffering builds character. Thank you, Tom Armstrong, for making me a better person.

    H&L: One thing unites prepubescent boys everywhere. They love to talk about their underwear choices.

    GT: “Shouldn’t you at least date him first” is a euphemism, I’m assuming.

    C-Shaft: I know he’s staring at mannequins, but I still feel like one of them should be saying, “Ew, there’s some gross old guy looking up my skirt.”

    A3G: “Bad things like breaking a nail on a car door.”

    S-M: Webbing between the legs? That’s an… interesting choice. Spidey must think the vulture needs some extra support down there.

    S4th: Warhol superstars? Faye does seem like a saner Valerie Solanas.

    Luann: “Oh, it’s a Little League field, so the boys are all about ten. Is that a problem? Come on, they have to get educated sometime.”

  178. DAS
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    It’s even funnier because the allusion to chicken sex avoided the obvious “cocks” and “peckers” joke. – McManx

    It also avoided “which came first, the chicken or the egg?”.

  179. Col. Glenn Manning
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:36 am [Reply]


    9CL: I’m a little concerned about 9 Chickweed Lane’s decision to give us so much information about Amos’s obscure sexual fetishes. What’s next? “I’ve had it with Amos forcing me to recite dialogue from ‘Beach Blanket Bingo’ while he listens to Tiny Tim records and chokes himself!”

  180. Old School Allie Cat
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    A3G – You know, I never thought I’d say this, but… I wonder what Tommie’s up to?

    FOOB – Oh, but John – you do have work to do – the kids specifically said they were inspired by Grampa and wanted a Model Train themed wedding! All aboooooooard….BOXCAR!

    Luann – Maybe Bernice will be bitten by a copperhead while they’re working. And maybe Luann will get hit by a truck. And then mabe Delta can meet some friends who are less cock-motivated than these two.

    MW – So, was Mary so engrossed in Ron’s political talk that she didn’t notice the paparazzi snapping her picture. Is Santa Royale that starved for news that these two having dinner makes the paper? Was there not a Boy Scout troop somewhere rehabbing a three-legged squirrel? A Junior League cookbook signing? Nothing? Geez!

    FW – I don’t get it – are we supposed to take away from this that Funky is a terrible husband and self-centered a-hole? Gosh, I wish Batuik could be a little less subtle.

    9CL – Forget the Laura Petrie capris – why is Edda wearing a WWII concentration camp uniform? Tacky.

  181. Dingo
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    This is one of those lush moments where you have to pronounce the word “scandal” as SKAHN-DAHL!!! with your fingers against your decolletage like Ted Forth.

    Paparazzi have entered Mary Worth’s world. Finally, her years of meddling have paid off. By this time next year, Oprah will offer her a syndicated show.

  182. TheDiva
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    FOOB: This summer? Good luck with that. Unless they’re off the rack, bridesmaid dresses take about 2-3 months to arrive after being ordered. Those in the know suggest ordering the cake at least that much in advance, as well. And enjoy trying to find an officiant willing and/or able to perform the ceremony on such short notice…
    And why throw a glove at John? He’s just telling the truth. My dad really didn’t have much to do other than go in and get his tux fitted, and be told where to stand. In fact, he was out of town the week before the wedding, flying back in the day before the rehearsal. He didn’t miss much.

    FW: I just love the clerk’s expression in the last panel. That’s a face you only get from years of dealing with morons trying to cover up their mistakes with a bunch of colorful plants.

  183. man behind the curtain
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    FBOW — John probably figures that with everyone preoccupied with the wedding it will be easier for him to continue his illicit affair with Therese. Or maybe it’s with Connie.

  184. AhClem
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    #159 Tweeks_Coffee -

    “DT: Had a glitch? They were in a chopper over the crooks. What the hell kind of glitch can you have?”

    Maybe they were momentarily distracted by some old fart wearing green feathers and a pervert in red spandex who were flying around in their airspace.

  185. commodorejohn
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am [Reply]


    A3G – I admit to a woefully insufficient knowledge of the drug trade to comment on this storyline, but the only businessman I can recall to ever dislike customers is Basil Fawlty.


    Crankshaft – Dammit, this whole storyline is going to consist of Crankshaft snidely malaproping, isn’t it? Here I was, naively saying, quote, “I look forward to watching the angriest man in the world bump up against the angriest people in the world,” and it turns out we’re not getting that at all. Grargh.

    Curtis – Geez, get off your high horse, Chutney/Billingsley.

    FOOB – Blah blah, more Men Are Evil Rod Is An Asswipe tripe. Also, Gramps is “really not well?” How the fuck would you know, Elly? The closest you get to the man is taking Iris out on once-in-a-blue-moon walks so she can pat you on the back. (And note to Lynn: he’s not well? He looked okay for a 70-something old man a couple days ago. Show, don’t tell, woman!)

    FW – “Oh God, I’m becoming an inhuman monster under the demonic influence of my pizza chain!”

    GT – Hahah, this is awesome. Also, check out the girl staring directly at the camera in panel two – to quote James Cameron, “it’s always one extra who’ll fuck up the whole shot, isn’t it?”

    H&L – Okay, this is a case of Way Too Much Information, Browne.

    JP – Oh, that’s a lamp in panel two. I thought it was a low-polygon trapezoidal hallway.

    MT – AAIIEE. The only saving grace of panel three is that she’s got that thousand-yard stare. Were she looking directly at me, I would no doubt be gibbering on the floor in a fetal position.

    MW – You might think this is a slow news day, but remember that this is Santa Royale, which is basically ruled by Mary Worth. It’d be like if Queen Elizabeth II inexplicably showed up on a nude beach.

    OBH – I’ll say it again: I love this strip, both for the things it gets away with, and for the general craziness. But mostly for the things it gets away with.

    Pluggers – Now just a damn minute here…look, I know this strip does reruns sometimes, but they at least used to signify it with the “classic Pluggers” branding, instead of doing a Nickelodeon and just hoping nobody notices.

    SM – That’s not poetry, dimwit. That’s a Bible verse. One of the more well-known ones. And had Stan Lee been paying any attention, he’d have realized that “wax Biblical” sounds even better in that sentence and is more contextually appropriate.

    Ziggy – MS Paint challenge: replace Ziggy’s jarringly relevant modern reference with something more suited to the timeless inanity of the strip. Here’s my attempt, and oh boy do I feel awful for having attempted to write a non-snark Ziggy strip.

  186. gnome de blog
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    180 OSAC:
    While no one’s looking, Tommie’s busy screwing her brains out with Gary the nerd, then screwing her brains out again in the broom closet at work with Dr. Nerdy.

    Tommie’s not as dumb as she looks. She knows she doesn’t get opportunities like this very often.

  187. Gap-toothed Starey "HOOOO" Guy
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Well, since there’s going to be a summer wedding in Foobland come hell or high water, we might as well just start preparing for it. You know what that means: dress shopping! The theme of the wedding will be tangerine, to represent the freshness of summer and match the groom’s lovely hair. I know I’ll look simply ravishing in this!

  188. Bryan
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    179: Col Glenn Manning (The Amazing Colossal Man): “I’ve had it with Amos forcing me to recite dialogue from ‘Beach Blanket Bingo’ while he listens to Tiny Tim records and chokes himself!”

    Wait, so that’s wrong? Hey, Annette was hot back in the day!

    Mallard Fillmore sucks ass more than usual today. Ha ha! Liberals worry about aging! Ha! Except that everyone worries about aging. Ha ha! Former activists now use their anger to rage impotently at their own failing bodies! Ha ha!

    Did anyone else notice that the female stereotype in today’s (Wednesday) Mallard Fillmore has no pupils and looks like the root cellar demon from Evil Dead 2? That’s the most disturbing thing I’ve seen in the comics since Jeffy’s tasty floor-flavored turd yesterday.

  189. Burning Prairie
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    2 points: so did not need that chicken-thing and any dad worth his salt (I’m talking to you, Jeff Keane!) knows that the kid would eat the candy anyway. I mean, c’mon, it’s candy! Besides, it’s usually Mom that swoops in and takes the icky thing away.

  190. JB
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure, G-TSHG (#187), that your choice of tangerine dress (and hoo…that barely qualifies…) isn’t really a good match for your body type.

    Well, unless G-TSHG is just a nom de plume and you’re built more like Toni Daytona, that is.

  191. Lynngineering
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: All you have to do is foot the bill John!

    And yes, Liz will be sure to remind you that you basically gave the house to Lord Michael, so don’t try to get out of it.

    Anyway, does Anthony even HAVE parents? (Does it matter, I mean, in Pattersonian terms?)

  192. Tweeks_Coffee
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    #185 – commodorejohn: re: Pluggers – You may want to take another gander at the “Thanks To…” box.
    Of course it’s understandable, I’m sure you were trying to avoid looking directly at the comics after going over MT.

  193. odinthor
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    What I like about the comics is that they always give me something to say on dates:


    “No matter how you flap your wings–you can’t escape my sticky webbing!”

    Wizard of Id

    “Any chance of borrowing that darling polka-dot gown of yours?”


    “Now I can fill up my gas tank!”


    “A drug-resistant bacteria was responsible!”


    “Mom told me to close my eyes and think of something pleasant.”


    “Do you wear boxers or briefs?”


    “Do these look a little snug on me? Perhaps around the hips?”


    Note: Only to be used on very special dates:

    “Get me a ladder and a bat.”

  194. fed up to HERE!
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    #111 – Oh, Liz’s ex-suitors will be there, looking all wistful and teary-eyed, in a manly what-might-have-been way, watching The One That Got Away get joined to her Lumpa Burnin’ Love. I’m more interested in seeing if the evil ex-wife deigns to show up.

    ‘momma? It’s my momma! Mommmeeeeeeee!!!!’

    - sez lil’ Francie, scattering rose petals behind the happy couple, half way down the aisle….. HA-HA!

    Oh, and Josh? The hedge fund managers and assorted Euro-trash who buy ‘rock’ have it messengered to them. YOU go to THEM.

  195. Mumbles
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    MW: It’s abundantly clear to me what’s going on here. Like man behind the curtain said, Ron is on the downlow and is using Mary as a beard. Expect Ron to be caught doing the two-tap shuffle in the Santa Royale Airport any minute now.

    (DT)GT: A teenage green-card wedding? This may be the dumbest idea the girls have had since they all mistakenly shaved their heads last year. These girls must bat without helmets.

    MT: Cherry’s looking awfully Jackie-Kennedy-on-the-plane-back-from-Dallas in that last panel. Somebody’s gotten into the horse tranquilizers….

    Crankshaft: His pun wouldn’t have even been funny if it were based on a truthful observation.

    FOOB: the only bright side of this storyline is the possibility of Therese making one last attempt to cause trouble. Bring it, you Quebecoise minx!

  196. Nekrotzar
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Did you notice how Wrestling Mat Kid figured out that this has to do with the dead kid? He used his Spidey-Sense. No wonder he was so eager to run away from the good doctor: there might have been something good on TV.

    FC: Somebody stole the coconut Cassandra Cat brought back from the deserted island as a souvenir. Jeffy says he found it rolling around the floor. Slylock thinks Jeffy is lying. How does he know?

    (Rotate your monitor 360 degrees to read the answer)

    A: Because the Keane kids are all a bunch of evil sociopaths.

  197. Moss_Moses
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    75. Bats, “Only daughter”? Does that mean April has a penis? I wondered about that…

  198. John C Fremont
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    A3G – Gaah! Stop staring at me, Haley!!

    MT – Gaah! Stop staring at me, Cherry!!

    MW – Gaah! Stop staring at me, Jeff!!

    RMMD – Gaah! Same to you, Jimmy!! (Say, we’re getting in a rut!)

    JP – Pay attention to me, Abbey!! And why are you still wearing clothes?

  199. John Small Berries
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @#196: I flipped my monitor upside down, but it just said:

    ?s???do??os l??? ?o ??unq ? ll? ??? sp?? ?u??? ??? ?sn???q

    …oh, wait. I see what you did there.

  200. John Small Berries
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Bah. It worked in the preview.

  201. Gap-toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Oh JB, surely anyone would look good in a dress of such classic simplicity! An’ besides, I already got matching shoes.

  202. Calico
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Haha, Therese will show up at The Wedding with a flamethrower. Hilarity and Bar-B-Que will ensue.

  203. Calico
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    #183 – Or, John may be cavorting with that crazy kleptomaniacal broad from Lilliput’s – was her name Cortney or something like that?

  204. Brick Bradford
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    OBH Just what is a “Hey Ya’ll” outfit, anyway?

    Six Chix I saw a cartoon a long time ago in which a chicken and an egg were lying in bed. The egg was having what was clearly a post coital cigarette.
    The chicken was looking cranky and frustrated.
    The caption? “Well, that settles THAT question!”

  205. Brick Bradford
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    FOOBs Instead of a super villain attack couldn’t Canada’s own super her team, Alpha Flight, come to the rescue at the last minute?

  206. Bryan
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Shouldn’t Northguard and Fleur de Lis be included on any list of Canadian superheroes.

  207. JB
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    G-TSHG (#201) — I’d pay good money to see someone wearing that dress with those shoes.

    Hoo! indeed…

  208. Old School Allie Cat
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #202 – Calico – I thought BBQ had already ensued when Winnie and Melvin Kelpfroth nearly burned down Lovey Salzman’s apartments with that careless cigar!



    Good times.

  209. Ginger Yellow
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Hey, you’d crack too if someone’s shoulder started interrogating you.

  210. Ukulele Ike
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    9CL: That’s gotta be Isabel in the “slacks,” not Edda. ‘Cause the joke is, Edda told Isabel about Amos’s sexy clothing fetishes, and Izzy ran right out and bought a pair of pants that fit snugly around her nonexistent hips.

    No dissing Myrna Loy, though. She was one hot tamale, back in the day.

    DT: A big smelly pipe? I got ten dollars says we’ve just been introduced to the jaw of “Professor Morey Artie.”

  211. Poteet
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    # 187 “HOOOO” Guy — Ooh, that dress is so pretty! I agree that all eyes will be upon you as you twirl about the dance floor.

    And just as a reminder to other wedding attendees, I declared dibsies several months ago on the little number below. It’s got the Demented Milkmaid look I wanted for this glorious event.

  212. cheech wizard
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe is one of the few strips courageous enough to take on the issue of gender confusion – too bad it’s in the artwork, and not the plots. Suggestions:

    When portraying females (see catcher, panel 2):

    1) Adding a ponytail to a guy does not a woman make

    2) The strong jaw doesn’t help either

    3) You also might want to lose the Adam’s apple.

    When portraying males:

    1) Avoid pearl earrings.

  213. Gap-toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    #190 Poteet: Oh, how lovely! And now I’m hoping the bride will change her mind at the last minute and wear this instead of her grandmother’s dress.

  214. Poteet
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    SIX CHIX — I sometimes see bird sex out here in the sticks, and it’s remarkably brief and matter-of-fact. No wonder they don’t make movies about it.

  215. Poteet
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    # 213 “HOOOO!” Guy — I SO share your hope! And I also hope Anthony will wear that baker’s outfit, especially the hat.

  216. Poteet
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    # 212 cheech — BWAHAHA!

  217. Kate
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G:The “dopers” in the “art gallery” are concerned about “safety.”

    Mary Worth: Jeff is “upset” about Mary’s “straying.”

    FOOB: Everyone is “interested” in the “wedding.”

    That about covers it.

  218. Gap-toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    #215 Poteet: The effect would be even better if he grew back his ‘stache.

  219. commodorejohn
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    #213 Gap-toothed Starey HOOOO! Guy – Oh lord, they can’t use that; Elly would rush up to the altar and snarf gobble munch the entire damn thing in the middle of the service. And while Liz naked might have been a good thing back in the day, she’s already turned halfway into Elly, and we don’t want that.

  220. AirForbes
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think anybody’s going to fight you for that pink horror, Poteet.

    I call dibs on the 1985 black and white prom dress.

  221. AhClem
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    #211Poteet -
    When we all crash the summer Foobaganza wedding, I’ll be proud to escort you in such a dress (Meaning you’ll be wearing it, not me). Especially since I’ll be wearing this:

  222. cheech wizard
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    H&L – Ditto’s sartorial choices have the unexpected benefit of fulfilling the long-sought quest for the male Ben-Wa ball.

    216- Thanks, Poteet!

  223. Tweeks_Coffee
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I’ll see you guys at the wedding! All you need to know to find me is that I’m a Seventy-Sixers fan…

    Now I just need to find someone to wear the matching dress.

  224. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    120 — True Fable re Foob’s wedding dress: Wasn’t there a sunday strip where Mike and Dee went to a 2ndhand shop to buy Mike a wedding dress as a Halloween gag? THAT’s the dress Liz is getting married in…

  225. T. Chicana
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    #203. Oh yeahhhh I remember Cortney! She sure was a bad apple. And like all non-Pattersonian women, she looked like Weed in drag.

  226. Dr. Mabuse
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    #191 Lynngenineering: “Anyway, does Anthony even HAVE parents?”

    Oh, yeah, he has – but they sided with Therese at the time of the divorce and now they refuse to speak to him.

  227. teegee
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Six Chicks:

    Bragging Rooster: Cock-a-doodle-do!

    Slutty Chicken: Any-cock’ll-do!

    This comment brought to you by the Society For Preservation Of 8th Grade Humor.

  228. teddytoad
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    And the award for most awkwardly arcane turn of phrase spoken by a f*cked chicken goes to… Six Chix!

    Come dawn, as rose-tipped mists obscure the vale,
    And foolscapped fowl cry “hark!” to kiss and tell,
    Our readers, like the quaff’d wine’s sordid dregs,
    Turn bitter at this tale of cocks and eggs.

  229. T. Chicana
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Have we ever seen Loserthany’s parents? I bet they are a marshmallow and a big fat…uhhh…loser! I’m just so full of rage at the Foobs it’s tough to snark.

  230. Calico
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    #225 – You are spot on.
    “Weed in Drag” – you’re a poet and don’t even know it!

    A big fattie is the only way I[‘d be able to get through that wedding.

    #208 – Good times indeed. Nice of Mike and Dee to visit them in hospital, BTW.

  231. Calico
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Elly probably ate Bunthony’s parents. Mmmm mmm good.

  232. Shermy Glamrocker
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    No matter what he wears, please PLEASE let Gap-Toothed Starey HOO Guy be in the wedding party!

  233. Shermy Glamrocker
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    And good catch #154 Bluepencil. The appointed vs. elected councilman contradiction indicates that the Santa Royale local government system was chartered by a bunch of martini-swilling morons. Though I suppose that’s true of most small town governments.

    Or the local society columnist is a martini-swilling moron. Which is true of ALL society columnists.

  234. Dr. Weird
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    GT Even if immigration worked that way, how would two high school students get married? They’re below the age of consent in all but a handful of deep-Southern states and I’m fairly sure that GT isn’t set in any of them.

    For starters, if Gil was the football coach in one of those places, he would be hailed as a living god.

  235. Saluki
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Whoa! Mary Worth is in the comic section of the newspaper that they read in Worthville. I think my head is going to explode.

  236. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Actually, given his record lately, Gil would have been fired and relegated to teaching freshman Phys Ed at any self-respecting Deep South high school.

  237. Baka Gaijin
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Wednesday’s Comics

    Blondie: No, Bizarro is one strip above.

    Dennis the Menace: Your “new-fangled digital camera” looks like a 1952 Nikon. You been pwned, buddy!

    Mary Worth: Fan, meet Jeffy’s sucker,, er, sh!t.

    Brevity: Old people can openly shoplift? Tell Ed Crankshaft, STAT!

    Speed Bump: Wait, where is the rhinoceros and his family? This a Pluggers punchline.

    PBS: Direct hit on my funny bone. I’m always a sucker for an animal with scared ears.

  238. Zaq
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    And from Gil Thorp, today I learned that, no matter how many insane-ass wtf-inducing curveballs the strip throws at you (c.f. Self-Clubbing Tyler; Cully’s Hit Job; Coach Kaz, P.I.), never write off them doing a story option because it’s “too obvious.”

  239. Comcis Fan
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    I am sort of moved by today’s Dennis the Menace. The old man actually cares for Dennis. Why else is he taking his picture? I like it on the rare occasions when they show that Mr. Wilson has a soft spot in his heart for the boy.

  240. Perky Bird
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Why is Elly so freaked about the possibility of a summer wedding? There’s no real planning left to do. I mean, they have the mildewed dress from the crawlspace, and Liz and Anthony went to the gumball machine mall on their lunch breaks and got their rings.

    Where to have the wedding? In the backyard of Elly’s house, of course, surrounded by John’s trains. Music? Liz’s uncle will play the wedding march on his hoserphone or whatever it’s called. And the cake? Well, I’m sure Elly has a few butter tarts stashed around the house, under the sofa, in the back of the linen closet, etc., for whenever she gets the munchies.

  241. Baka Gaijin
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    #185 commodorejohn: I’m not sure which queen to which you refer, but ewww if ole Lizzy or Mary showed up. Pass the veg grater–I need to sand that image out of my mind.

  242. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    what should happen next in FOOBERville?

    Liz will get married, but Gramps will die

    a) at the wedding

    b) before the wedding.

    c) dies after the wedding, is re animated and goes after Anthony, screaming “Brains!”

  243. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    the little FC microcephalic actually pulled the lolly from Dolly’s hair and didn’t want to get into trouble to he constructed on his his lies to avoid punishment.

    That would be–he’ll have to eat the thing.

  244. commodorejohn
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    #241 Baka Gaijin – I was referring to Elizabeth II of England, who is 82 years old but probably still better-looking than turning-into-Elly Liz.

  245. Vakar
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Archie: “A dying leader will learn the truth of the Opera House… and its location, thanks to clear signage.”

    FBoFW: AS IF Elly would even consider ceding control over any aspect of this to him ANYWAY.

    Luann: Hey, Greg Evans? “Squeeze out an hour or two”? ?!?! Sicko.

    MT: “Get braced” is LoFo slang for “Strap one on.”

    MW: Is it wrong to find this delicious? Because I am loving it. Sicko.

  246. Baka Gaijin
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    #244 commodorejohn: That’s who I was referring to, too. On this side of the pond we knows her more familiar, we does! Ole Liz we calls her, cor blimey!

  247. Spike
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    MW: Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! You fool! Mary was offering you “breathing room”. You could’ve gone to visit your son in Vietnam, gone on extended sailing vacation, found a new(and younger) girl, etc., but, Nooo!!You had to go and mess with Mary, who will now make your poor, wretched, miserable life even more so!

  248. Charles
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Hold the phone – we’re going to see Alan become a philanthropist of sorts to druggies? This, being the same strip that had a hallucinatory ghost almost kill a main character? I know you are supposed to “write what you know,” but what do these authors know?

    Archie – Haha! Archie thinks that an opera house would be that packed with ordinary citizens!

    Blondie – Am I the only one confused by the fact that this strip today become a Red Dwarf-type time-bending, alternate-universe-colliding-type strip where we have two Dagwood’s talking about each other, to each other?

    Crankshaft – When I went to NYC this winter, it was the happiest four days I’ve had in years. Now comes along the Crank to ruin it all.

    DtM – That Dennis is SO menacing! Being fast and young!

    H&L – Disregarding that boxer briefs have become a mainstay in underwear choices for years now, what is up with Ditto’s smug face? Like…. really. Why the sly satisfaction, you 8-year-old?

    Marvin – Marvin likes to “ride” his “stallion.” Thank you, Marvin. For making sly sexual jokes about someone who still needs a booster seat. I am going to wash my eyes now and try to purge the memory of reading those words.

    Ziggy – Haha! Ziggy only got $50 dollars to fill up his small, small car!

  249. Bryan
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    I wanted to see Dagwood 1 say to Dagwood 2, “So do you have a really hot wife too?”
    Or maybe he’s looking for hot Dagwood-on-Dagwood action!

  250. queek
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    if Wolverine was to show up at the FOOBtacular, given Lynn’s current artstyle, everyone would think that he was Mean, from Kitty’s Fairy Tale.

  251. bats :[
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    197. Moss_Moses: no, Michael, being the only son, has a penis (I think. But then, we’re also assuming that Asshathony does, too.). April is what is referred to as “a mistake.”

  252. Spike
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    251 bats :[ : “Little Ooops!” not diplomatic enough for you? :-)

  253. Daily Comics Reviewer
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t pay close attention to the actual panel for family circus, because any time I see Jeffy open his mouth my mind turns off in self-defense, but that is the most disgusting meatball ever. Only one thing could increase the ick factor and that would be a pube.

  254. Baka Gaijin
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    #253 Daily Comics Reviewer: Hate to tell you this, but look closer at the meatball…

  255. Buck Remus
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    c’mon Josh
    c’mon Josh

    Between Cherry preparing to brace and Private Blips’ sudden loathsome attempt to take advantage of Halftrack’s barren, barren marriage, I’m looking for some gold here today.

  256. bats :[
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    237. Baka Gaijin re PBS: I just laughed and laughed at Pig’s horror. It must be the straight ears (kind of like Satchel’s when he’s surprised and/or horrified). Still, neither of those two gentle souls do it without a reasonable explanation:

  257. Buck Remus
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    ..or tomorrow. We know you’ve got some real jobs , Josh.

  258. annabananna
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    What an awesome product tie-in for FC:” ‘Keane Kubs Lolli-poops’ ! Mentally challenged kids everywhere love ‘em!”

  259. Islamorada Girl
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, G-TSHG: I think my budget can only allow me to shorten my iridescent mango sorbet dress from Shawna-Marie’s wedding for the FOOBmeld. Maybe I can unstitch the enormous bow off the butt to make it look less bridesmaid-y. I hope we can count on Emperor Chennux to chauffer us all in style in the Gernlin again!

  260. Sheilagh
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Daily Comics Reviewer: Sorry if I’m being dim, but what exactly is a “pube”?

    I’m thinking it might be a regularized singular for “pubes” (pronounced pyoo-beez) — the actual singular is “pubis”. I’ve never heard “pube” but used to date a guy who pronounced “pubes” as “pyoobz”, so that’s my best guess.

    Apologies for pedantry, I’m honestly curious :-}

  261. Sheilagh
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    (Sorry again — I’m a linguist, this kind of thing interests me. We return you to your regular programming.)

  262. Anonymous-cowardice
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    Haley, don’t you know? The first rule of dealing is you don’t introduce your downlines to your uplines! (Terminology borrowed from Amway, which is similar to both drug dealing and to A3G’s grasp of reality.)

  263. Red Greenback
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    I-Girl- just in case His Nibs is busy with whatever the heck he does, the “Proud Mary” is all dialed in and I understand Truman’s put some NOX tanks in the Charger.

  264. Red Greenback
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Did you know?: Chennux built the “Gernlin” with his own appendages. Don’t tell anyone, but John DeLorean was one of the Big Guy’s heroes..

  265. Kiesha
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]


    “April, listen…we decided we’re going to throw this wedding in two months and, wouldn’t you know it, all the DJs are booked. So…you’re not going to be a bridesmaid anymore. I need you to play your guitar ALL.NIGHT.LONG. for the entertainment. Oh, and can you learn “My Heart Will Go On”? That’s going to be our first dance.”

  266. Jana C.H.
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Seattle people are popping out all over. I guess Mollificent and I tried our Syttende Mai Mudge-Meet a little early.

    Yeah, let’s do something!

    Jana C.H.
    Saith Stan Boreson!: Who left the halibut on the poopdeck?

  267. Hasty Penguin
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Does it even matter what order Gil Thorp panels are run in anymore?

  268. prospero
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    href=”“>Worth a look, if you think Cesar Chavez was an inspirational American hero, if you think being a wealthy creative force and quasi-celebrity doesn’t merit perfunctory dismissal from social policy discourse, or if you think Bonny Raitt is a force of nature.

    Mr. Chavez inspired that guy Bobby Kennedy, whose name is being invoked frequently and profligately in service of premature ejaculatory hagiography lately. Ms. Huerta may have missed the biblical injunctions about female subservience, but she sure grasped the Sermon on the Mount story arc.

    The Redhead, as she used to be known back in People’s Republic of Cambridge, cites a more homespun influence in her parents’ religious beliefs. (The Two Great Commandments? Didn‘t Pastor Hagee‘s Whore bear an uncanny resemblance? Isn‘t wanton slide guitar the devil‘s own inducement to damnation?).

    This is from The Nation, which seems a bridge between new New Left citizen journalism in ‘Progressive’ service, that borders on loyalty oaths and Robespierre, and conventional liberal writers that seem to be vindicated to some extent by 37,000,000 votes split almost evenly between a black guy and a woman. It’s the first in a series of videos that (judging by the commitment to solidarity evinced in this clip) would be valuable viewing. The discussion bears most directly on immigration, but inherent values of Commonweal (and, yeah, that borrows from Catholicism and liberation theology) are unmistakable.

  269. Deena in OR
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Jana…any chance of making it down to Eugene Saturday evening for the “other” meet-up?

  270. Shermy Glamrocker
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Hey Prospero,

    The only thing I borrowed from Catholicism was guilt and a fear of hell, which 40 years later, I’m still trying to shake.

  271. Wolf Shepherd
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    #185 commodorejohn Here is my entry for the timeless inane Ziggy contest.

  272. prospero
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    Sorry. I was using the preview for another site that doesn’t offer the feature. Carry on.

    Actually, while I’m here, there’s the case of href=”“>Arthur Mkoyan. I find the so-called art in Gil Thorpe as ludicrous as all y’all and Mike Tyson do too. I mean, these guys make Bizarro World look like Grant Wood, but they deserve some credit for taking on an explosive and germane political topic, don’t they? Seems less asinine than the Geriatric Blu Balls of Santa Royale. How about Santa Royale’s (and what saint is that?) illegal immigrant servitude? Professor and the nubile Guatamalan chambermaidss, Mary and pool boy smuggling grape tomatoes carrying CA-MRSA.

    I’m not really joking. Ripped from the headlines is one thing, but this GT arc (can we purloin such a lofty artistic creative term from the TV apotheosis of creativity?) seems to have anticipated an actual story. White punks on dope in 3G just don’t get it.

    What I can’t get past is the idea that the coaches Thorp seem to lose and lose without repercussions. In the real world, missing the play-downs one more year would have boosters with pitchforks and kerosene torches ready to burn down Thorp manor. When was the last time Milford won anything?

  273. Steve the Pocket
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Funky W: Oh dear, it looks like poor Funky is developing Alzheimers. Wonderful. And we were wondering when the next big tragedy would befall a Funkiverse character.

    Zits: I know those things in panel 2 are supposed to be dogs with their heads back, but am I the only one who thinks those weird noses look more like big black tumors?

    B.C.: Wow, I know the characters look a lot alike already, but even I can tell Thor and B.C. apart if they’re actually drawn on-model. And that, Mason my boy, is not Thor.

    And finally, Garfield: I know ol’ Sparky made that fat-elbows pose famous, but isn’t Garfield plainly missing his forearms in panels 2 and 3?

  274. Uncle Lumpy
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    So, is sad-sack Funky sending an anniversary card to his long-divorced wife, or is he celebrating the anniversary of his sobriety?

    Either way, guh.

  275. prospero
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    Actually, while I’m here, there’s the case of Arthur Mkoyan.

    I find the so-called art in Gil Thorpe as ludicrous as all y’all and Mike Tyson do too. I mean, these guys make Bizarro World look like Grant Wood, but they deserve some credit for taking on an explosive and germane political topic, don’t they? Seems less asinine than the Geriatric Blu Balls of Santa Royale. How about Santa Royale’s (and what saint is that?) illegal immigrant servitude? Professor and the nubile Guatamalan chambermaidss, Mary and pool boy smuggling grape tomatoes carrying CA-MRSA.

    I’m not really joking. Ripped from the headlines is one thing, but this GT arc (can we purloin such a lofty artistic creative term from the TV apotheosis of creativity?) seems to have anticipated an actual story. White punks on dope in 3G just don’t get it.

    What I can’t get past is the idea that the coaches Thorp seem to lose and lose without repercussions. In the real world, missing the play-downs one more year would have boosters with pitchforks and kerosene torches ready to burn down Thorp manor. When was the last time Milford won anything?

  276. Poteet
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    # 218 “HOOOO!” Guy — Spitting water all over my keyboard was worth seeing that.

  277. Orange Doorhinge
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    #134 Frank Parsnip: Your comments on Mary W made me laugh so hard I had to type this 3 times to get the spelling right!

  278. Orange Doorhinge
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    FoBoWo: Elley referred to Grandpa as “My Father” to Liz, implying to me that he ISN”T Liz’s grandpapa. Explains why she’s not all that interested in him. He probably knew her real heritage and gave her less expensive birthday & christmas presents. Or something. Boxcar!

  279. JohnnyB
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    JEFFY: Mommy! Hre’s the stool sample I was supposed to get. This one is a little bloody.

  280. Poteet
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    # 220 AirForbes — Thanks for the reassurance. And after viewing your choice, I’d say neither of us will face competition for our lovely gowns:-).

  281. FOOBed again
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    I live in Seattle too. I’ve love it if we could have a meetup.

  282. Poteet
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    # 221 AhClem — Your dazzling outfit has stunned my senses. You’re on. What a sight we’ll be together — and I’ll be happy to share my hip flask if you’d like!

  283. Poteet
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    # 259 Islamorada Girl — When an outfit is as striking and fitting to the occasion as your iridescent mango sorbet dress, I say wear it proudly, with or without the butt bow.

  284. Orange Doorhinge
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    #180 Alley Cat: “… I wonder what Tommy’s up to?” DONT wonder! I wished we could see something other than Alan morosely smoking and sometimes dealing dope, and what did I get? A guy in a motel room in Tibet! Be careful what you wish for!

  285. Gerund
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    MT: urbandictionary defines bracing as “holding eachother and u can feelthe guys penis”. Now we know why Cherry demanded to stay home.

  286. AhClem
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    #282 Poteet -
    Great idea! After all, what person with any trace of sanity whatsoever would attend a Patterson wedding sober?

  287. Orange Doorhinge
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    The hen in six chix looks more like she’s been plucked than f-kd. No feathers. She’s headed for a pecking party.

  288. Jamus The Bartender
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    On The Subject Of Liz And Anthony’s Summer Wedding…
    I’m suprised at you all.
    Yes, for any of US, a properly catered summer wedding would be an impossibility, where we would have to settle for sheet cake, buffalo wings, Miller Genuine Draft, and someone with a boom box playing “Champagne Jam” by Atlanta Rhythm Section.
    But not for Godmother Elly.
    All it will take is a few phone calls by Deanna, Iris, her neighbor, and other members of her “inner circle” starting out with, ” You owe your godmother a favor, and you must not refuse this favor. Meet us at your place of business at such and such a time…” and bada bing, bada boom, cake, refurbished dress, summer canopy, dance floor, DJ, photographer, and anything else i’ve forgotten….oh yes, bartender….will be taken care of. On the house.
    Naturally, Elly will be busy taking visitors, petting her dog, because a Milbouroughian ( Milbouroughite?) cannot refuse a favor on her daughter’s wedding day.
    Of course, while the wedding is going on, certain ” visits” will be made in order that things go smoothly…visits portrayed in silence while organ music by Bach plays in the background while the priest performs the wedding in Latin. Or First Nations.
    Visits to….Therese. Warren the Helicopter Pilot. Paul the Mountie. Courtney the stickey-fingers. Today, Elly settles all family business.
    Of course, Michael will be cavorting with one of the bridesmaids while Deanna takes care of the kids….HAW, gotcha, he’ll do no such thing. He’ll be going on about his new “novel” while Deanna takes care of the kids.

  289. Talking Squirrel
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    MT: Since Mark Trail is actually on the home-40 for a grand total of four days per year, why would Cherry feel the need to prove she can be self-sufficient? It’s a way of life. And I think it’s pretty clear how self-descriptive her name must be.

    Gil Thorpe: That’s one of those prairie dresses like the cult wears. Next the team will be doffing their baseball caps and donning bonnets. Also, in the last panel we can see that Mimi surely doesn’t have her eye on the ball. Not that she cares if she strikes out, as long as she can lay a beatdown on Coach like she’s fixin’ to do. Mimi, if you choke up on the bat a little, the jury may settle for manslaughter instead of Murder 1.

  290. cheech wizard
    June 12th, 2008 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    Rant about FOOB all you want. I’m still puzzled about GT. Would getting shipped to South American be a GOOD thing for Elmer’s baseball career? Please discuss.


  291. cheech wizard
    June 12th, 2008 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    Damn. I meant to say “wouldn’t” Frickin’ late nights and laptop keyboards.

  292. un_malpaso
    June 12th, 2008 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    The scariest thing is that I can totally imagine Jeffy popping it in his mouth, nonetheless, once “off camera.” He doesn’t look too disturbed by the carpet fuzz and ungodly schmutz sticking to it.
    Hey, I was a kid once, I know what we put in our mouths. It ain’t pretty.
    Is that a cocktail meatball? What the hell is it?

  293. ErikaP
    June 13th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Six Chix: So now we know that poultry also engage in alcohol-fueled, disappointing sex. There’s a good cock joke in there somewhere.

  294. Mike
    June 13th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    I’m somehow scarred at the sight of Jeffy and his singular hairy ball. Perhaps they’re trying to tell us something that no one needs to know.

  295. Sidney
    November 7th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    TheDiva: Actually, it shouldn’t take that long to find a dress or officiant. Try or of you want to see how I do it. And good luck!

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