The Comics Curmudgeon

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Elmer’s long adios

Gil Thorp, 7/2/08

Don’t get me wrong, a two-week Sicilian vacation is pretty awesome. There’s nothing like opening up the window in the morning and looking down the hillside to the Mediterranean below, knowing that in a few minutes you’ll be splashing in its delightful blue waters. But then, there’s also nothing like getting up in the morning and seeing the total insanity that is Gil Thorp, so I can’t stay on vacation forever. I suppose that’s supposed to be Bugs McCoy standing on the dock there, but it looks more like some escapee from a nightmarish genetic research lab, its unformed potato-like head glistening facelessly in the morning sun. Then there’s panel two, in which Elmer proves that “average high school arm” is some sort of code for “disproportionally and hideously plump sausage-thing.” Upon deportation Elmer will be trapped in legal limbo at the border, since Mexico will refuse entry to this obviously dangerous mutant.

Marmaduke, 7/2/08

Given that Marmaduke can wear clothes, write English words, order bones over the Internet or possibly by phone, and, um, smoke cigars, I’m not actually convinced that we can rule out smoking in bed. I do admit that it seems more likely that some terrified citizen, tired of Marmaduke’s rule of slobbering canine terror over this hapless suburban community, has attempted to burn him to death while he slept.

Hagar the Horrible, 7/2/08

That’s pretty big talk coming from someone who appears to be wearing a hand-torn burlap sack. To say nothing of those damn potato-feet.

Luann, 7/2/08

dun da dun da DUNNN dun da dun da dun dunn

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 2, 2008 at 02:10 pm and is filed under Gil Thorp, Hagar the Horrible, Luann, Marmaduke.

182 responses to “Elmer’s long adios”

CanuckDownSouth
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

at least Thorp is marginally less silly than having that majors’-scout plot contrivance work. I’m sure they’ll come up with something more ludicrous, however.
CanuckDownSouth
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

OMG, I actually got a first post. How I wish it had been snarkier.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

I don’t understand why Bugs isn’t interested in Elmer. It’s not like he’s trying to shoot bugs with a shotgun or anything.

I’m really unclear on what GT is trying to tell us about the plight of the undocumented high school baseball players. But then again, I’m unclear on a lot of things going on in GT.
Niall
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

I don’t get the Luann melody hummed there. I may be glad.

Someone was talking about the Popeye strip going into insanity again, like it did with the Thungs after the boring spinach-coming-from-trees??! story; I checked it out, and yup, pretty weird. But all my life I’ve been intrigued by the Old Hag – she’s far less menacing in French, lemme tell ya – and now I see why: she must the most intelligent being on the whole planet in Popeye Universe.

Which scares me, really.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

Luann – At first I thought this was about Brad only owning one (other) shirt, but as I look again, I think Brad has finally made that smarmy TJ his b#@ch. “Hey TJ, don’t drag that case on the carpet, Meatballs.”
wicked-witch-west
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Wait! I DO have an idea to keep you here! Wanna see me karate-chop something with my stiff, freakishly huge hands? No? Well, I’ll tell you the real reason they didn’t want you: no one wants to spend one more second having to look at that nose.
Uncle Lumpy
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

Are “Sandy” and “Wendell” proper Scots names, or just a couple of Browne’s golfing buddies?

On second thought, don’t bother answering that.
Galuaboy
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

C’shaft: Not that I ever have ANY expectations for this strip, but today . . . wtf?
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke – At first I thought it read “a short in his new nightclub,” cause, like, he’s got a nightclub in his doghouse since he’s, a, like a really big dog or something.

Maybe that Kelproth character from Foob has moved in with Great Damn.
Sili
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

I’m gonna be a very very sad panda if we don’t get some Brad/TJ action soon.
gh
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

Welcome back, Josh!

So, what do they think of Mary Worth in Sicily? Isn’t Amalfi Sicilian? I thought they liked seafood. [If you missed it, Ron hopes Mary doesn't "hold it against him," but I don't think any reasonable person would want Mary to hold seafood against him. It's hard to get the stain out. It's just an excuse for her to wet her dinner napkin and rub it against . . . well, wherever.] I’m sure yours was a working vacation, so we’ll await your report on this pressing issue.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

To bats, re yesterthread’s Exhibit B: those things are also called axes. And you will concede, I trust, that nothing is more Viking than aggressively brandishing axes at people.
John C Fremont
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

So Ron Amalfi be a land lubber? Yar!

So if Mary prefers sea farin’ men, does that make her a wench? Or a scurvy dog?
Tweeks_Coffee
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

I give up, what’s the tune for Luann Josh?
Dave
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

Um..is that…the Odd Couple theme? I think.

If it is, well, get ready: here come the lyrics.

“No matter where they go
they are known as the couple
They’re never seen alone
So they’re known as the couple

As I’ve indicated
They are never quite seperated
They are peas in a pod
Don’t you think that it’s odd

Their habits, I confess
None can guess with the couple.
If one says no it’s yes
more or less, with the couple.

But they’re laugh provoking;
Yet they really don’t know they’re joking.
Don’t you find
When love is blind
It’s kind of odd.”

Which perhaps…is a little too fitting for the third panel there.
Kate
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

AAA! That NOSE! The Gil Thorp NOSE in panel THREE! Get it away from me! Yah yah yah yah! [slapping frantically at air]
Marmaearl
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke can go move in with Toni Daytona.

bom chicka bow wow wow
Darkefang
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

A3G: Gabriella: I’ll enjoy Lu Ann’s paintings while you and Jack confer, Margo.

Margo: It won’t take long, mama. We’ll be in here hammering out this contract long after you’re bored silly from looking at thirty different flower-on-white-background paintings.

BB: Jealously rears it’s ugly head.

Crankshaft: Once again, Tom Batiuk proves that he doesn’t need any kind of plot advancement, jokes, or even dialogue to continue cashing checks from King Features.

MW: I find that elderly women and their shatterable hips enjoy nothing more than spending the day on a mode of transportation that rocks back and forth in a generally unpredictable manner.

MC: I think Norm needs to drop this therapist and start seeing Dr. Jonathan Katz.
gh
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

#16 Kate –

I submit that you, madam, are a hoot.
Baka Gaijin
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Luann: We know those things TJ’s carrying aren’t full of clothes becuase he has only that one George Costanza’s father’s cabana shirt he wears all the time. Makeup kits maybe? Inflatable sheep? A portable closet he’ll come out of one day?
Darkefang
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Oh, and welcome back Josh!
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke needs to be hit by a truck. Many times.

Have you ever noticed that in HAGAR they have lawyers and other things that never existed in the period of time it pretends to be in? Kilts are also a later invention, and invented by an Englishman. The writers of HAGAR must think we’re retards, or they all think THE FAMILY CIRCUS is a top comic strip creature.

GASOLINE ALLEY: the writing in this strip has slid to a real bottom. Were the writing as good as the art, it would look like CATHY.
Maughta
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

Awwww, TJ’s brought his trousseau.
Mountain Mama
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke burned the meatballs!

Am I supposed to infer that T.J. is a stud with a large wardrobe and Brad is a slob with only one other shirt? If so, good job. No wonder Brad can’t buy a date. Damn.

Welcome back, Josh! I’ve heard Italy is wonderful. Did you bring us any pastries?
yeff
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

I’m thinking the Luann music is either “The Odd Couple” or some sort of thudding gay porn beat.

But seriously, wouldn’t it be something if Brad’s reticence around Toni and TJ’s constant posturing were due to both of them being closeted days? Wouldn’t it, though?

That would be a Very Special “Luann” that the readers would remember forever. For-ever, I say!

- yeff
cubiclemonkey
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

I too, Gaijin, was about to point out that TJ wears the SAME DAMN OUTFIT all the time.
yeff
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

“closeted days” above should be “closeted gays”. I think everyone knew that, but just to make sure…

- yeff
Dingo
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

Dear Abby,

I am vexed. Vexed! You see, I am a widow and was content in my life. My swan-giving husband passed away many years ago and since then I’ve dedicated my life to showing the less fortunate the error of their ways. By my side through all of this has been my faithful companion, a man of medicine. We take walks together, dine together, and occasionally sail on his boat. All was good.

Recently, I helped two brothers renew their relationship with the death of their mother. I don’t mean to say I caused their mother’s death but I didn’t prevent it. One of these dear gentleman needed extra consoling. My manfriend took issue with this. We had a great quarrel and he stormed from my tastefully appointed living room.

I received a solicitation from dear gentleman to dine with him. How was I to know that paparazzi would stake out our booth? We were caught on film sharing – I tremble – a glass of wine. My neighbors’ tongues would not stop clacking. Manfriend came to my apartment and caused an incredible scene as though the newspaper had printed a photo of us voting for a Democrat.

I sat next to the telephone in my fuchsia jumper for what seemed like days. He called. He whined, whined, and whined into the phone for forgiveness. The more he whined, the less I missed him. Then, the phone rang again and it was Consoled Gentleman. He asked me to dinner. I suggested fish; he hates fish. I suggested boating; he hates boating. I suggested he flog my shar-pei-esque vagina with a cat-o’-nine-tails while playing Celine Dion highlights and he spurned me.

Now, I’m beginning to believe I shouldn’t have treated my faithful companion as I did. Abby, what should I do to make amends?

signed,

Weeping Worthy Widow Worrier
AeroSquid
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

‘dun da dun da DUNNN dun da dun da dun dunn’ ?

Seinfeld ?
Harry Worth
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

So, if Mary hits it off with Ron, what is she going to cook at home?

Her tuna casserole surprise will be a bust.

Let’s have a contest and come up with the perfect meal to feed Ron so that he can get to that special place that only Dr. Jeff and the late great Mr. Worth have been.

Just remember that the meal has to be oven baked, the final color must be gray, and it has to include one of the following:

Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup

Tater Tots

or

Minute Rice.
AeroSquid
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

No…wait….yeah. Odd Couple. or My Mother the Car.
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

My tin ear is humming “here comes the bride”….or the theme from JAWS might be just as funny.
Robert
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

So Brad owns (at most) one pair of underwear.

The glacial pace of his courtship of Hot Firefighter Chick is now explained. He doesn’t want her to see his Brown Ring of Quality.
Tweeks_Coffee
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

Okay, I must admit that I’m actually curious to see what’s going to happen in Gil Thorp. I know, it’s a terrifying thought. Surely they’re not actually going to just up and deport poor Elmer after all of this, are they? I can’t imagine who or what is going to come swooping in and save him at the last second, but I can’t wait to find out.
Brent
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

There not being a fire extinguisher for the kitchen in Brad’s house I can understand… I expect he’ll be chewed out by his parents or boss for being an unprepared fireman soon enough. TJ should probably also get some… he’s supposed to know how to cook, and the most important parts of that involves things like paying attention and how to deal with grease fires.

However, today’s strip has crossed the line. That fire was substantial judging from the outside shots we saw. It might not have gotten out of the kitchen part of the house, but the smoke would have. Everything in that house is going to be smoke damaged… especially fabrics, which are going to stink to the highest of heavens. It will probably be cheaper to replace those clothes than to try and have them cleaned… they should probably be tossed. Bringing them to another house is just going to make that house stink too.
Mal
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Maybe Bugs Mccoy is an Aqualish?
Colinski
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Got potatoes on the brain, Josh?

Welcome back!
Islamorada Girl
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

GT: You wouldn’t mind having that nose full of nickels, would you?

(with apologies to W.C. Fields)
wangotango
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

Ai, Dios mio! Elmer es el chupacabraaaaa!
Tweeks_Coffee
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

Continuing my decent into comics horror, I popped into the FOOB store earlier. There’s a jewelry store in there and in case the idea of having a charm bracelet of all the characters you love to hate isn’t enough just check out the prices. Almost $18 for a little charm with St. Michael’s face on it seems a bit steep to me. Even more outrageous is the silver Bunny Pendant which can be yours for a mere $58.

http://www.fborfw.com/store/catalog/index.php?cPath=24
ratnerstar
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

Bugs McCoy? Wasn’t he the mortal enemy of Encyclopedia Brown?
TeacherPatti
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

I’m not a regular reader of Crankshaft, but having seen so much snark on this board, I decided to look at it today.

Can anyone explain what the heck it is about?? I even clicked back a few days to see if there was something leading up to the “bugs and slugs” thing. There wasn’t.

Isn’t this strip about a grouchy old man?? WTF???

Thanks!!!! :)
Vakar
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

30: I think you’re on the right track…

Lukewarm Gray Casserole
Preheat oven to 200 degrees.
Open bag of frozen Tater Tots. Slice each tot into two even parts. Place in casserole dish.
Open box of Minute Rice. Slice each grain into two even parts. Place in casserole dish. I know there are tots in there, please just do this.
Open can of Mushroom Soup. Divide evenly between two measuring bowls. Pour both over tot-parts and rice fragments. Do not stir. Resist the urge.
Place in oven for seven minutes and twenty seconds. Tots should still be chilly. If not, you have failed. Dial 1-800-MRY-WRTH and explain yourself.
Lisa
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

{I don’t get the Luann melody hummed there. I may be glad.}

It’s the Dead March…..
Mathlord
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

ratnerstar: I believe you’re referring to the mortal enemy of Encyclopedia Hatfield; the mortal enemy of Encyclopedia Brown was Bugs Meany.
Nil Zed
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

#7 uncle
I was gonna ask the same thing. but it turns out I can answer part of it. ’sandy’ as a diminutive of Alexander as well as a reference to reddish blond hair is indeed a common scots name. Wendell, however, i don’t think is so much. I would ask my scots born mum in law, but it would require waaaaay to much explanation. Now, and every time I see her for the next year and a half.

isn’t “dun da dun da DUNNN dun da dun da dun dunn” the music from some classic cop show? the one with Joe Friday? I guess if tone-deaf me is the one to come up with this, it must be wrong.
Lisa
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Yes!
Meanwhile
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

In the land of the potato feet, the man with toes is king.
Galuaboy
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

#30 Harry Worth: Any reason we can’t use all three?

Oh, and where are my manners? Welcome back, Josh! Uncle Lumpy did a fabu job in your absence.
Big Bob
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

“hand-torn burlap sack”? “damn potato-feet?! Uh, how’s about the fact that Hagar doesn’t actually have a head, just a fuzzy red dot covered with a helmet?
Tybalt
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

#22 RWS : Have you ever noticed that in HAGAR they have lawyers and other things that never existed in the period of time it pretends to be in? Kilts are also a later invention, and invented by an Englishman.

Yes, it is a little-known fact that in the Middle Ages, Scottish men wore only a hip-length leather shirt called a crocihlainebheuach, a breechclout called a mhadinburghwhealnach made of periwinkle shells lashed together with deer sinew, and a single, long thin string of woven grass tied around the shoulders and left to dangle down the back and between the knees known as a inthewheahaphwipeanarseach.

For formal occasions or celebrations (in the event of successful border raid, for example, or the netting of a three-eyed salmon or bruschnealnoch) the custom was to wear only a sixty-pound granite boulder carried with both hands in front of the genitalia, known as a sneag. This practice was carried on into the early 19th century and was ultimately responsible for a common degenerative condition, known as “MacDiarmid’s Back” in which the spine becomes permanently curved so that the head comes to rest on the gluteal muscles.
Red Greenback
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Is that the theme song for McMillan and Wife? McHale’s Navy? McKeever and the Colonel? McCloud, or McKojac?
Doriette
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

#15 – Dave

I thought I was the only one who knew about those lyrics!

I think they’re PERFECTLY fitting. Good call.
DAS
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: Batiuk once submitted this to TDIET. The late, great Scaduto wisely rejected it. It took this long for Batiuk to realize he could use the idea in a Crankshaft strip.
Tracer Bullet
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

Don’t forget about Bugs Moran and his arch-nemesis Encyclopedia Abromowitz.
gh
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Dear Weeping Worthy Widow Worrier,

Your faithful companion sounds like the real gentleman. You should “allow” him take you to the restaurant of your choice and order you what you want and then buy you that Celine Dion CD you’ve been dreaming of. And the four-inch stiletto heels. You may have to draw the tiny circle on the back of his neck with a Sharpie™ yourself to place the heel properly as he begs to be forgiven for his unWorthiness, but I truly believe that every successful relationship is built on compromise.

For $1.00 you can order my pamphlet “Doctors Without Orders: Why They Crave Discipline.” Remember to enclose a self-addressed stamped envelope!

Abby
DAS
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

#51 Tybalt — A little bit of Simpsons comes to mind:

Now, the kilt was only for day-to-day wear. In battle, we donned a full-length ball gown covered in sequins. The idea was to blind your opponent with luxury
jules
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Is anyone else completely and utterly creeped out by TJ’s vapid, gaping, toothy smile? That’s the only expression that guy ever has on his face, no matter what’s happening. Gives me the heebiejeebies. It’s even worse than Hagar’s damn potato feet!
Art Vandelay
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

So Gil Thorp has a Bugs, an Elmer, and lots of Daffys. So how can it be such a boring comic with characters like those?

Luann: Grinny McBurndownthehouse has three suitcases full of bowling shits. Dully Boresalot only has one piece of clothing beyond what’s on his back. They really are an Odd Couple. An odd, pathetic, irritating couple.
jamie
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

I do reckon that it is being implied that not only does Brad only own 2 shirts (work and home), but that he’s only got one pair of pants. Fascinating.
Tybalt
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

#59 Art : Grinny McBurndownthehouse has three suitcases full of bowling shits.

Horrifyingly, this turns out to be entirely too true.
Tybalt
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

“not only does Brad only own 2 shirts (work and home), but that he’s only got one pair of pants. Fascinating.”

Thankfully, he’s got a sneag for when he needs to go to the laundromat.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

I believe the proper Celtic spelling for Wendell would be Wlegghaddaghallac.

Hagar also is historically inaccurate in that the Fruit-of-the-Loom undershirt was the preferred choice of the Viking Norsemen and not that Haynes thing Hager wears!

Snoopy G-strings were optional. Speaking of which, Hagar’s about to learn more about the Scots than he had bargained for.
bats :[
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

12. One-eyed Wolfdog: oh, well done! Yep, those are indeed Vikings…

16. Kate: I think the nose has a rather tapiresque quality…

43. Vakar: isn’t it missing the crushed-up potato chips on top? Nothing says carb-overloading like potato chips crumbs!
T. Chicana
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

30 Harry Worth: The tuna casserole! OF COURSE. It all comes back to Mary’s famous Tuna Casserole.

Crankshaft: When I read it this morning as I was getting ready for work, I just couldn’t get it. I was thinking: Is this the rotten old abusive mom’s house that they’re selling, and it was infested with bugs?
But her evil aura is so powerful that even though she’s not a ghost or anything, she’s able to thwart the efforts to make the property ready for sale? Just creepy…disturbing thoughts that no one should get from reading the comics at the beginning of the day.
Trouser Tent
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

I’ve been to Scotland several times as well as my husband and in-laws all being from Scotland and I never heard of a Wendell or Sandy.

I wouldn’t laugh if I was Hagar. I’m sure he will get a Doc Marten boot up his arse from Wendell…Hagar will feel like he was buggered by a lampost for the next several weeks.
Mountain Mama
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

Oh, and regarding the Snoopy thong, if I were that petite, I would totally wear it. I love all things Snoopy.

Except for that toilet someone linked to. I have to draw the line somewhere.

I do have Snoopy pajamas and quite a few pair of Snoopy socks. They’re all very cute. :-)
Tybalt
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

I’ve been to Scotland several times as well as my husband and in-laws all being from Scotland and I never heard of a Wendell or Sandy.

“Sandy” is extremely common in Scotland, short for Alexander or (sometimes ) Alasdair or Alastair.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

“dun da dun da DUNNN dun da dun da dun dunn”
I’ll go with the Darth Vader theme. Either that or the first few measures of A Summer Place.
Dik-Dik Vendetta
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

I thought it was the March to the Scaffold from Symphonie Fantastique.
Violet
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

In the third panel of Gil Thorp, Elmer almost walks into a stray floating hand, so distracted is he by the sudden realization that the answer to his problem may be playing the title role in the Broadway adaptation Gilligan! Meanwhile, Superman scrubs up for surgery.
gkl
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: I don’t buy it. There is no way that tree was climbed by that ass.
Trouser Tent
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

#68 – Could be a regional thing? I’ve just never heard it in the Borders area. But usually they just call each other c*nt or wanker ;-)
essteess
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

Spiderman: As a news photographer, Peter Parker has to work on a deadline. So it’s only fair that his alter ego has one, too. “Folks, if I don’t catch the Vulture tomorrow, you get 15 percent off my next comic book! That’s right, 15 PERCENT!”

Luann: Re panel 3, I want a gigantic Terry Gilliam-animated hand to come down and pluck up both Brad and TJ and do, well, horrible things with them — with the appropriate sound effects (*POK!* *GLURP*!), of course.

Gasoline Alley: I suppose it’s too much to hope that what Rufus’ Kitty is actually being prepped for is a 70s-nostalgia poster, in which he/she is suspended from a branch with the words “Hang in there, it’s almost Friday!” emblazoned.

FOOB: You know, with all that cement around, couldn’t John put together a nice pair of “overshoes” for little Mikey? And you know exactly what I mean…
Joe Btfsplk
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

Welcome back… My sister and her hub have gone to Italy several times, and from the pictures and eMails that she sends, I’m always a little surprised that they ever come back again. Uncle Lumpy made a fine Deputy Pope in your absence; where he digs up things like Flash Gordon and Mandrake is quite beyond me. And never before has a rat been so thoroughly smelled.

Dick Tracy – Somebody got into our computer. I’d better keep my fist ready – whoever it was might still be in there!

Family Circus – I can’t believe she knows so little about autumn, considering her own head looks so much like a pumpkin.

Fred Basset – Oh well. It is what it is.
Donald The Anarchist
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Luanne So is TJ really bringing his entire Victoria’s Secret collection with him? I guess he hopes the DeGroot’s work schedule will allow him and Brad some alone time. I can’t help but wonder, however, if Brad isn’t oblivious, like Captain Hero, to the fact that the tart in the blonde wig and the red teddy who conveniently shows up every time TJ’s out of the room is just his friend in a blonde wig and a red teddy.

All kidding aside, I can’t believe my own scurrilous innuendoes. While Brad is clueless enough that he just might be fooled by a wig, makeup and lingerie, that would at least give him some level of sexual experience, and I think we all know that a chaste kiss on the cheek (and a brief shaving session) is the closest he’s EVER come to sexual contact. Heck, maybe him and TJ SHOULD practice kissing, like adolescent girls do in every male slumber party fantasy in existence. I do NOT pity the girl who has to finally break Brad in.
Islamorada Girl
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

43: You’ve forgotten the Durkee’s Fried Onion Rings topping. Appropriate for weddings, funerals and covered dish suppers, and I’m sure Mary lugs her special Alpo casserole to every single one of them. A good meddler keeps a couple in the freezer in case of unexpected opportunities to poke into other people’s business.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

In today’s edition of Crankshaft, the writers are obviously relying on geo-political satire. The Bugs and Slugs van obviously symbolizes Western empirialism in the Middle East or, maybe around the world while the house represents the peoples of the under developed nations yearning for relief from their oppression and/or poverty and the rain represents the futility of the free market system to address the needs of….Oh, Boxcars, I can’t figure this damn strip out, either. I stared at it in my paper this morning for about five minute before I notice my cherrios getting soggy while soaking up the ~~Smirnoff~~ 2% cow lactations. Maybe it’s a visual representation of some malapropism that Crankshaft will spew tomorrow.
hogenmogen
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

Overboard, by Chip Dunham is one giant wankfest. The characters are bland, have no eyes, are never funny and the strip never has any relevance to why it takes place on a pirate ship. It is a daily train wreck worse than Mary Whorth, A3G, Foob and all the rest. So, obviously, in my local rag it was voted most popular. But that’s not what I wanted to snark about. I wanted to say check out this dog’s boner!!!
Shoshi
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

33 Robert — Who says Brad wears underwear??
Shoshi
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

79 hogenmogen — Well, I guess that’s appropriate for a “giant wankfest”.
essteess
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

>33 Robert — Who says Brad wears underwear??

The alternative is too grim and horrific to contemplate.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

#79 hogenmogen

They ran that in a family newspaper? At least he wasn’t in bed with human female, ala Blondie and Hagar the Horrendous.
Vakar
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

64: But of course! I forgot this step:

Open bag of Potato Chips. Carefully break each one into seven pieces. Place pieces in a layer on top of Mushroom Soup. Continue until you have four layers.

Now, of course, my mom’s casseroles featured crushed potato chips, but she sometimes substituted Durkee’s Onion Rings. It’s the little details that make a meal go from ‘bad’ to ‘vile.’

77: JINX!
Shoshi
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

Well, I’m guessing the joke in Crankshaft is something like the idea that it always rains right after you wash your car?
Shoshi
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

PeteMoss
>Either that or the first few measures of A Summer Place.

No, that goes:

da da da da da da da da da da da da DUNN da da da DUNN da da da DUNN da dun da da DUNN da dun da da DUNN

But it would be a nice theme for TJ and Brad, and the similar situation that their parents found themselves in all those many years ago.
Vyola
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

#63 PeteMoss:

Snoopy G-strings were optional. Speaking of which, Hagar’s about to learn more about the Scots than he had bargained for.

Well, at least there’ll be some sheep who can rest easy tonight. Thanks, Hagar!
cheech wizard
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

As I’ve said before, Elmer’s best remaining option is the Army – they’re eager to take lots of little brown sponges willing to soak up a bullet as a shortcut to U.S. citizenship. Maybe next year we’ll even get to see Elmer on patrol in Afghanistan, with a double-barreled shotgun and a tall, oversized helmet, saying “Shhhhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet! We’re hunting tewwowists!”
Brick Bradford
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

#79 Actually I think it’s a poorly drawn dog looking back over his shoulder, so it’s actually his tail…..oh, what the hell, if I have to choose between funny and sensible explanations, I’ll take funny. That mutt is packing some serious wood.
cheech wizard
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

I don’t know about the Snoopy thong – how about a Snoopy codpiece? His nose is big enough.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Speak for yourself, cheech.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

Sometimes Mary Worth orders the snoopy cod piece with chips at the Bum Boat. She splashes malt vinegar all over it and will sometimes dip it in bleu-haired cheese. Mmmm-mmm. Bum Boat
Brent
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

“dun da dun da DUNNN dun da dun da dun dunn”

I’m giving up on trying to work out what song this is. My mind seems to have gotten stuck on the theme from I Dream of Jeannie, which is really odd because: (a) it doesn’t scan as that at all, and (b) I know the words to the Jeannie theme.
Shoshi
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

93 Brent
> I know the words to the Jeannie theme

Yeah, they are:

I dream, I dream of Jeannie.
I dream, I dream of Jeannie.
I dream, I dream of Jeannie.
YEAH!
metaridley18
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

74-essteess
Of course, SpiderMan would never be fool enough to make that promise. He has enough experience to realize that as the limit of the strip approaches action, the probability of him being knocked out by more harmless and unlikely objects approaches one.

On second thought, I realize my initial sentence contains the words “SpiderMan” “would never” and “be fool enough” in that order, something that is logically false.

Expect cheap comics on the morrow.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

GT – I believe that’s the Walrus man from the famous Star Wars bar scene. He’s obviously an alien, and he should have more sympathy for Elmer Vargas de Fudd’s desparate situation.
gh
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

I predict the Ultimate Battle between Spider-Man and The Vulture will be fighting over the remote.

Or has that been said?
metaridley18
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

33 Robert, and the ensuing conversation at 80 and 82:
It should be noted that the initial comment simply says (at most) 1 pair of underwear. Leaving the possibility of zero, or indeed negative pairs of underwear. If anyone could do it, brad could. *shudder*

To all who were confused:
The theme song is indeed The Odd Couple
Crankenstank
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

Luann: are the parents INSANE? TJ started the fire, Brad is such an idiot of a firefighter that he failed to put a fire extinguisher in his kitchen (even I have one there). TJ was too stupid to know how to put out a fire restricted to a single pan. They OWN the house that TJ burned up, and they’re INVITING THE TWO OF THEM BACK IN THEIR OWN HOUSE? What about suing them, and putting out a restraining order from getting anywhere near their property?

I bet Toni has a fire extinguisher in HER house! (Um, was that a double entendre? I’m not sure.)
survivor
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

Gil is certainly running out of ideas – but his final attempts evidently involve communicating his thought using gang hand symbols. Gil’s left hand appears to be saying “Mexico”, which makes sense … but his right hand almost looks like “West Side” with his fingers uncrossed.
Josh
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

The dun dun DUNNING is indeed supposed to be the Odd Couple theme. Apologies to all who spent valuable brain power on it.

Josh
Brent
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

94: Try:

Jeannie, fresh as a daisy
Just love how she obeys me
Does things that just amaze me so

She smiles, presto, the rain goes
She blinks, out pops a rainbow
Cars stop, even the train goes slow

When she goes by
She paints sunshine on every rafter
Sprinkles the air with laughter
We’re close as a quarter after three

There’s no one like Jeannie
I’d introduce her to you
But it’s no use, sir
Cause my Jeannie’s in love with me
She’s in love with me!

99:
Yeah, I know. But I can believe that Brad and TJ are that stupid. What I can’t believe is how no one is complaining about how bad these smoke damaged clothes smell.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

DT – “…and nobody when near the unit.” Shirl is becomming more and more insect-like. Shirloc-us.
trey le parc
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

Today’s Crankshaft achieves perverse perfection: as usual it’s poorly drawn, as usual it’s stupid and obtuse, but today’s strip breaks new ground for me because it bears no apparent relationship to whatever is currently passing for a storyline, and, best of all, today’s installment lacks that bitter douchebag who lends his contrived name to this embarrassment of a comic strip, as well as all the joyless saps who’ve somehow been roped into playing straight man to the acerbic octogenerian’s stupid insults and malaprops.

Asshole.
bats :[
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

77. I.G.: the Fried Onion Ring topper is for the real fancy-pants gatherings…potato chips are for the daily casserole…every day…day in and day out…tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…

79. hogenmogen: if not downright nasty, then just terribly, terribly disturbing. There’s simply-drawn comic art, and then there’s just crappily-done stuff. I don’t think you can convince me of anything but the latter.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2631557699/
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

#101 Sure, Josh, should we be spending more valuable time trying to decipher friggin’ Crankshaft or someething?
Bitter Scribe
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

Josh–Making fun of Hagar’s artwork is like shooting lutefisk in a barrel. Much more snark-worthy is how this strip resurrects the ancient pick-on-little-guy-as-his-gigantic-brother-looms-behind-you gag.

Why, next thing you know, they’ll be doing mother-in-law jokes or something.
Red Greenback
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

It’s the “Andy Griffith Show” theme!
Shoshi
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

102 Brent–Aw, those lyrics are a lot sweeter than my version. But I don’t understand this line:

>We’re close as a quarter after three
Mac
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

If Sandy and Wendell are brothers, they are presumably members of the same clan, which makes it odd that they’re wearing different tartans.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

#102 We’re as close as a hooker after nine? I’m no paleontologist, but it may refer to the hands of a clock or, possibly, a menage-a-tois (or however the damn Frenchies spell it.)
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

As close as a beer after five?

As close as a fly after two?
Brent
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

109,111: I’m sure that it was intended to refer to the hands of an analog clock face. And yeah, that’s a bit funny… at 3:15, the hour and minute hands would be 7.5 degrees apart (the hour hand being 1/4 of the way to the next hour (1/12 of a circle)).
Baka Gaijin
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

#30 Harry Worth said:

Let’s have a contest and come up with the perfect meal to feed Ron so that he can get to that special place that only Dr. Jeff and the late great Mr. Worth have been.

Just remember that the meal has to be oven baked, the final color must be gray, and it has to include one of the following:

Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup

Tater Tots

or

Minute Rice.

I nominate Nutraloaf! . While it doesn’t use any of the required ingredients, it is used as a punishment food for prisoners, who’ve promptly sued for “cruel and unusual punishment.” Force ‘em to read Dingo’s post #28, second to the last paragraph; that’s cruel and unusual punishment.

2-1/2 oz. nonfat dry milk
4-1/2 oz. raw grated potato
3 oz. raw carrots, chopped or grated fine
1-1/2 oz. tomato juice or puree
4-1/2 oz. raw cabbage, chopped fine
7 oz. lean ground beef, turkey or rehydrated, canned, or frozen Textured Vegetable Protein (TVP)
2-1/2 fl. oz. oil
1-1/2 oz. whole wheat flour
1/4 tsp. salt
4 tsp. raw onion, chopped
1 egg
6 oz. dry red beans, pre-cooked before baking (or 16 oz. canned or cooked red kidney beans)
4 tsp. chili powder

Shape into a loaf and bake at 350-375 degrees for 50-70 minutes.

DO NOT ENJOY!
Islamorada Girl
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth’s WASP Lasagna Casserole

1package hot dogs
1 container cottage cheese
1 package lasagna noodles
1 bottle ketchup

Boil lasanga noodles until limp. Place in casserole dish. Add three layers of sliced hot dogs, cottage cheese and ketchup. Between each layer, place more lasagna noodles. Bake at 400 until a pulpy mess. Serves 8.

I swear I ate this at someone’s mother’s house once as a kid. Or tried to.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

114 Seems like the chili powder would really “make” it. No? Maybe if you used 5 tsp.
D. E. I.
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorp must resort to Deus ex machina to resolve the Elmer crisis. Bugs McCoy appears to have been a red herring. The strip is a literary masterpiece. The artwork is sublime.
Brent
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

Bill Bugsanslugs is oh, so-o ready to exterminate your pests while the sun is out…

But when it starts to rain, where is he then –
In his van… driving away.
D. E. I.
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

How does Hagar the Horrible keep it so fresh?
D. E. I.
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Oh, that Marmaduke! What next?
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

I couldn’t resist a little Mary Worth cosplay.
Nil Zed
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

88 cheech “As I’ve said before, Elmer’s best remaining option is the Army – they’re eager to take lots of little brown sponges willing to soak up a bullet as a shortcut to U.S. citizenship. Maybe next year we’ll even get to see Elmer on patrol in Afghanistan, with a double-barreled shotgun and a tall, oversized helmet, saying “Shhhhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet! We’re hunting tewwowists!””

and he’ll find/shoot/rescue wally!
Lisa
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

Josh, I can hear the Odd Couple theme now from what you typed… hmmm, I wonder if it is simply the Dead March at a different tempo??
Lisa
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

Oh, and that recipe up there for the loaf doesn’t sound that bad…… the one in the link sounds lots worse.
Monster Jamz
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

let me add to this: i don’t get LuAnn nor the hummed melody joke part. i’m really confused by all of it.
ChattyGenes
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Two years ago this summer, Mary Worth began a storyline which created a sensation in the comics world. It began on July 5 and ran until October 16 (2006)–104 days in all.

To commemorate “Aldomania,” here is a song parody to the tune of Cab Calloway’s “Minnie the Moocher.” (which you can find on youtube, if you’ve never heard it.)

Mary the Meddler

Well here’s a story
’bout Mary the Meddler
She was a nosy
old advice peddler.
She’d badger folks in ways
that made CC’ers quail,
But Mary had a nerve
and thought she couldn’t fail.

Hi de hi de hi de hi
Ho de ho de ho de ho
Hee de hee de hee de hee
Ho oo waooo waoooo

One day she chanced to meet
A guy named Kelrast.
He was kind of fat
And he had a mustache.
Even with that anagram
Ms. Worth had no clue,
And he reminded every Mudge
Of Captain Kangaroo.

Hi de hi de hi de hi (etc)

The minute he met Mary
Aldo Kerast was smitten
She tried to brush him off
But he just wasn’t quittin.’
Aldo had no clue
he was a pain in the ass,
He thought that he was sweet
but what he did was harass

Hi de hi de hi de hi (etc)

Mary had some errands
that she had to do,
But everywhere that she went
Mr. Kelrast went too.
Aldo, he turned up
again and again,
And Mary soon discovered
she was at her wits’ end.

Hi de hi de hi de hi (etc)

Mary turned to Toby
for help and advice.
Toby had a plan;
her advice was concise.
Aldo followed Mary home
and little did he think
they’d stage an intervention
that would drive him to drink

Hi de hi de hi de hi (etc)

I would bet you know the end
of this tragic story
Aldo’s car went off a cliff
Twas really quite gory
At the service, Mary
and her friends weren’t so brave
None said a word, but Mary left
some roses on the grave.

Hi de hi de hi de hi (etc)

Well, folks, this story arc
was really quite something
Lots of Mudgies posted
Josh’s site, it was jumping
“Aldomania” was the name
they gave to that phase,
And it is with nostalgia
We think of those days.

Hi de hi de hi de hi (etc)
cheech wizard
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

91/One-eyed Wolfdog – I’m not talking about wearing the damn thing! I’m just noting that Snoopy’s face lends itself to this particular type of garment.
bats :[
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

121. Dean Booth: and I didn’t think anything could beat Mary’s sleeveless-short set.
I was wrong.
But you didn’t have to burn my retinas to make the point…
Norm
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

We all know Marmaduke’s got a drug lab in that doghouse.
Uncle Lumpy
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

#102, #113 Brent –

Hmpf — you’d think an astronaut like Darrin would learn to be a little more precise. Those hands won’t cross until 3:16:21.8181. . . . With calculations like that, a fella could miss orbital insertion by quite a bit.

And yes, I do suddenly find myself with a lot of time on my hands.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

#118 Brent

THAT’S IT! Crankshaft is attempting to fill the void left behind when our dear TDIET’s Al Scaduto passed on to that great funnypages in the sky. Except without words. Or humor.
PeteMoss
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

130 UL

Oribital insertion? hee hee. I really loved that show.
Tom Bombadil
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

Luann: I really hate to defend TJ, but by the time he noticed the fire the cabinets above the stove were already burning. I think at that point you just need to get out before the house burns with you inside it.

The question is, what genius installed wooden cabinets over a stove instead of a range hood?
Batman Beatles
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

I wonder if Mary Worth is a fan of Sandra Lee from the Food Network.
Judo Throw Toy
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

# 125 – Monster Jamz

Don’t worry, I don’t get it either. But then again, I don’t get most of the stuff that’s posted here anyway.
Lisa
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

133 Tom- Probably precode housing.
Plasma
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

I have never actually heard the Odd Couple theme that I can remember. I spent several seconds trying to make the text match the Indiana Jones theme, before giving up and figuring somebody in the comments would have figured it out, and Josh would probably have clarified. Lo and behold!
Invisible Me
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

11: Amalfi is not Sicilian. The town of Amalfi is in Campania, on the Italian coast just southeast of Naples. Gorgeous place, though: it’s a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

If you decide to visit, though, take hiking boots: you’ll need them to get around town.
Uncle Lumpy
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

#133 Tom, #136 Lisa –

Maybe TJ relocated the cabinets when he moved the door to the kitchen?

It’s always possible to blame TJ if you put your mind to it — for example, I’ve never forgiven him for the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand.
Thursday Next
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

#130 Uncle Lumpy—I totally hate myself for knowing this, but Darrin was Samantha’s lame-o mortal husband on Bewitched.

Jeannie’s astronaut “master” was Anthony “Tony” Nelson.
White Rabbit
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

The Lu Ann tune becomes instantly recognizable as the Odd Couple theme, once you put the introductory ‘da’ in place, like this:

da dun da dun da DUNNN dun da dun da dun dunn

There, see? I’m surprised I have to explain this stuff.
The Sparrow
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

#133 Tom Bombadil: Must have been the same genius who designed my kitchen… the stove top really is directly under the wooden cabinets, and there is no range hood in sight. (As if to add insult to injury, said cabinets are also directly under the upstairs bathroom, and subject at times to water damage. Sigh.) Obviously, the house is not entirely to code, but I lived there for almost my whole life (we gotta move out of that crapshack) and I cannot remember one single kitchen fire. Or at least, not one that set the cabinets on fire. The difference being, we were always careful not to leave pans of burning meatballs unattended. So yes. TJ. Idiot.
Tom Bombadil
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

#139, 142: I am happy to concede. Death to TJ!
Trix
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

Yupper, all things are right with the world. Good to have you back, Josh. The fave Uncle was the greatest. Keep snarking Mudges, you all amuse me so. Happy Canada Day, or was that yesterday. Does it matter?
goat
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

4,44,70,123: The tune is the Funeral March by Chopin, aka Piano Sonata No. 2 in B-flat minor, Op. 35.
queek
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

114: technically, Nutriloaf isn’t punishment food, its a sanction for prisoners that get tickets for misbehaving with the normal meals. Tossing food at the officers, smearing it on walls, trying to be violent with the trays? Nutriloaf. Behavior modification at its finest. :-)

re: Overboard. Its a lame strip that’s spiralling downwards in a clockwise fashion, but the obit for the artist’s dog a few days back was sort of “awww.”
Plasma
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

I don’t think I actually mind TJ that much. He’s kind of a sleazebag, but he’s an incompetent sleazebag, so it’s okay. Also I think he’s gay and doesn’t even realize it.

As opposed to Marmaduke, Cathy, the entire clans Keane and Patterson (yes, even April), Mallard Fillmore, the King of Id, and that horrid old lady from Crankshaft (but not, oddly enough, Crankshaft himself). They enrage me so much, I hope they all die in a conflagration so massive that not even DNA analysis can sort out their remains.
Mordock999
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

#145 – I thought the tune was the opening theme from the old 60s series Dragnet.

#143 – Amen Brother!

Welcome back Josh! Watcha bring us?

_______________

DEATH to TJ!
Plasma
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

And yes, I realize that many of those characters are based on real people. Note I do not advocate setting real people on fire; only fictional characters. Fictional characters who deserve to die.
Poteet
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

# 126 ChattyGenes — Nicely done! And as brainworms go, it’s better than most:-).
Poteet
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

# 150 — Sorry, bet that should have been “earworms.” I bang my cane in frustration.
theMarc
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

No, it wasn’t a short in Marmaduke’s nightlight that caused that fire. If it was an electrical fire, then using water to put it out would have been a very bad thing.

…And why does my computer’s spell check recognize “Marmaduke”, but not “nightlight”?
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

You know who I blame for the doghouse mishap?

I blame SOCIETY.
I Saki
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft–All the poisons Shafty just paid to have put out to fend off the bugsnslugs just washed away with the rain.
odinthor
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke. — Hm. Just what was TJ doing at Marmaduke’s? Crystal ball, crystal ball . . . Show me, show me, tell me all! “Hey, Marmy . . . while the meatballs are cookin’, how ’bout we sit together on the couch and watch a show together? Mmm . . . kinda warm in here . . . mind if I take off my shirt? . . . . Crystal ball, crystal ball, go dark before I vomit in the hall!
Bobdog on vacation
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

So is the joke Brad only has one shirt or that TJ’s his bitch?
Don, the Rebel without a Blog
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

“dun da dun” is either Schubert’s Symphony No. 8 (Unfinished) or Jumpin’ Jack Flash.

I always get the two confused.

#16 – It’s not Elmer’s nose that bothers me, it’s Gil’s flashing gang signs. Has he joined MS-13?
Brent
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

141, White Rabbit:

It’s still missing a *dun* in the middle of the second phrase.

dadun da-dun da-DUNNN, dun da-dun *dun* da-dun dunn
ChattyGenes
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

#150 Poteet. Thanks!
Ces
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

I figured it was the “Odd Couple” theme from context. However, I secretly hoped that it was the theme from “S.W.A.T.” because there isn’t a strip around that wouldn’t be improved tenfold by the appearance of an elite counter-terrorist unit.

#102: Are those really the unsung lyrics to the “I Dream Of Jeanie” theme song? Amazing!

And speaking of songs you didn’t know had words, here’s the theme from Hawaii Five-O (”You Can Count on Me”) as sung by Sammy Davis Jr:

http://www.bubblegum-machine.com/youcancountonme12.mp3

It is, in a word, priceless.
cheech wizard
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

133/Tom Bombadil – It’s pretty common to have cabinets over the stove in older homes- like mine, which is a 1950s ranch. I don’t think range hoods really caught on in houses until the 1980s or so, although they may have been pretty common in apartments buildings by then, due to the need to avoid stinking up the upstairs units. But most 1970s and earlier houses I remember simply had a ceiling fan.
Aaron T.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

36 Mal:

Maybe Bugs Mccoy is an Aqualish?

96 Petemoss:

I believe that’s the Walrus man from the famous Star Wars bar scene.

Then does that mean Gil is Dr. Evazan, the pig-faced guy with the death sentence in twelve systems?
Red Greenback
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

#160 Ces: Songs that you would think wouldn’t have words-and probably shouldn’t!

The Andy Griffith Show theme song
“The Fishin’ Hole”

Well, now, take down your fishin’ pole and meet me at The Fishin’ Hole,
We may not get a bite all day, but don’t you rush away.
What a great place to rest your bones and mighty fine for skippin’ stones,
You’ll feel fresh as a lemonade, a-settin’ in the shade.
Whether it’s hot, whether it’s cool, oh what a spot for whistlin’ like a fool.
What a fine day to take a stroll and wander by The Fishin’ Hole,
I can’t think of a better way to pass the time o’ day.
We’ll have no need to call the roll when we get to The Fishin’ Hole,
There’ll be you, me, and Old Dog Trey, to doodle time away.
If we don’t hook a perch or bass, we’ll cool our toes in dewy grass,
Or else pull up a weed to chaw, and maybe set and jaw.
Hangin’ around, takin’ our ease, watchin’ that hound a-scratchin’ at his fleas.
Come on, take down your fishin’ pole and meet me at The Fishin’ Hole,
I can’t think of a better way to pass the time o’ day.

And this was dug up by wille thompson a while back:

(”The Toy Parade” by Dave Kahn, Melvyn Leonard and Mort Greene)
Song: Leave it to Beaver

Hey! Here they come with a rum-tee tum they’re having a toy parade.
A tin giraffe with a fife and drum is leading the kewpie parade.
A gingham cat in a soldier’s hat is waving a Chinese fan,
A plastic clown in a wedding gown is dancing with Raggedy Ann.

Fee fie fiddle dee dee they’re crossing the living room floor
Fee fie fiddle dee dee they’re up to the dining room door.

They call a halt for a choc’late malt or cookies and lemonade
Then off they go with a ho ho ho right back to their toy brigade.
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]

Artist: (”March” by Jerry Fielding)
Song: Hogan’s Heroes

Heroes, heroes, husky men of war,
Sons of all the hreoes, of the war before.
We’re all heroes up to our ear o’s
You ask questions
We make suggestions
That’s what we’re heroes for.

All good heroes love a good, big fight
Open up the bomb bays and brighten up the night.
We applaud the people who laud us,
You pull the roses,
We punch the noses,
That’s what we’re heroes for.

What’s a hero do?
Well, we’re not gonna tell ya
Cause we wish we knew.
That’s why we heroes are so few.
We’ve got a slogan
From Colonel Hogan
And Colonel Hogan’s a hero too.

Never flinch, boys, never be afraid,
Heroes are not born, boys, heroes are made.
Ask not why, boys, never say die, boys,
Answer the call, remember we’ll all be heroes forever more.
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Hey, since this a moributhread, here are the lyrics to “Emergency!”:

Dispatcher: Squad 51, informant reports toxic chemicals in the tanker, use caution.

Dr. Kelly Brackett: Squad 51, this is Rampart. Can you send us some EKG?

John Gage: Ten-four, we’re transmitting EKG. We’re sending you a strip. Vitals to follow. Pulse is 160, the victim is in extreme pain, Rampart. V-fib!

Paramedic Roy DeSoto: Patient is in V-fib! Rampart, we have lost the victim’s pulse, beginning CPR. We’re defibrialing victim, Rampart. Rampart, we have defibrilated victim, he has sinus rhythm.

Joe Early: Administer two-amp sodium bicarb, insert an airway. Start an IV, 51. Lactate Ringer’s.

Dixie McCall: Squad 51, continue to monitor patient and transport immediately.

John Gage: We’re on our way, Rampart.
bats :[
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:44 am [Reply]

165. Red, are you sure that’s not the love theme from “Emergency!”?
GeekGirl
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Star Trek Theme Lyrics

Beyond the rim of the starlight,
my love is wandring in star flight.
I know he’ll find
In star clustered reaches
Love, strange love
A starwoman teaches.

I know his journey ends never.
His Star Trek will go on forever.
But tell him while
He wanders his starry sea,
Remember,
Remember me.

Fun fact: the composer and lyricist split the revenue for the song use, even when the instrumental is played. So the lyricist of a theme song gets half the money for every episode where the theme is used, even if the lyrics are never used. Lyricist of the Star Trek theme? Gene Roddenberry. Check Snopes.com for the backstory there.
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

The lyrics to the haunting theme from “Nightline”

“Here’s Ted Koppel, dun da dun dun duh da”
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

This is too much fun: Remember “Karen”?

She’s a doll, she’s a queen, she’s a tantalizing teen.
And Karen, is her name (they call her Karen).
At a party she’s a stomper and a rock and rollin romper.
Everybody’s glad she came.
Hey that’s Karen!

She sets her hair with great precision,
It’s her favorite indoor sport,
And by the light of television,
She can even write a book report.

There is no one greater north or south of the equator,
Karen’s always in a whirl
She’s alarming but disarming, and a really very charming modern girl.
.
.
.
Karen!

NBC at Monday 7:30 PM (30 min.)
Status: Ended Premiered: October 5, 1964 Last Aired: August 30, 1965
Show Category: Comedy
troutmaskreplica
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:58 am [Reply]

‘dun da dun da DUNNN dun da dun da dun dunn’ ?

The Final Countdown?
InkAllergy
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

I would like to remind Coach Thorp of what happened one time when an illegal alien was denied the chance to play baseball in the United States: That man went on to lead the Cuban revolution and stay in power despite the efforts of nine US presidents. Gil needs to consider the amount of danger in which he has placed Milford by refusing to assist Elmer. Think about it when the kid shows up wearing a Che Guevara shirt. It will be a potent omen.
anthom
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:02 am [Reply]

Once it was pointed out, I realized it had to be “The Odd Couple,” but I can never read text transcriptions of melodies without imagining Beavis and Butthead headbanging to said melody as a hard rock riff.

Which also works with “The Odd Couple.”
Brent
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

172, anthom:

I assumed from the comic that it would be The Odd Couple. However, it doesn’t actually scan as such (it’s missing two notes… the first phrase is 3 repetitions of da-dum with the last note held, the second phrase is 2 repetitions of dum-da-dum followed by a long note) so I started looking elsewhere.
teenchy
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

Red Greenback, you’re on a roll. I knew the lyrics to The Andy Griffith Show as it’s the unofficial state song of North Carolina, where I once lived briefly (and wouldn’t mind living again).

Hogan’s Heroes is a show that perplexes me to this day. Knowing the real-life backstories of cast members Robert Clary, Werner Klemperer, and John Banner does help me put it in some context: victims of the Nazis who may have seen participation in the show as some sort of subtle revenge or working out of old torments. I wonder if anyone’s ever tried watching an episode back-to-back with Schindler’s List?
kalki
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

Luann: So how long will it be before the parents find T.J. plowing Luann in her bedroom?
Qoheleth
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

I’ve become convinced that “Marmaduke” is the manifestation in this dimension of some Lovecraftian elder god–note how he’s far too large to be any “dog” seen in this world. I speculate that “Marmaduke” is in fact the nearest approximation his servants can manage to his true name.

In today’s installment, we see that buildings spontaneously burst into flame when Marmn’nhdujk materializes within them.
Anonymous
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

Luann – why didn’t insurance cover temporary housing? why is a single guy home cooking meatballs? what will TJ be up to while Brad spends most of his time at the firehouse? why doesn’t Brad use some of his salary to get a sublet?

Brad is an employed fireman, who spends half his time living at the station. TJ apparently has no employment or income and spends his life at home. So instead of letting an adult Brad room with the love of his life, they are leaving leacherous TJ alone with teen Luann all summer.

But I guess being an employed fireman doesn’t generate enough income to get a rental apartment so he has to bunk with a metrosexual firebug. Brad, go spend some of your income on a sublet so you can have a life.

but the real question is why wasn’t Toni woman enough to let both Brad and TJ stay with her?
Sorako-chan
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

Any doubt about TJ’s sexual orientation vanishes today.
Squeeks
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

So “Luann” isn’t a-slice-of-life comic about a young gay couple?
Squeeks
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

ETA: They’ve cleared closet space for him? *must not make joke about how TJ’s clothes can come out but he can’t* And I bet he’ll be sleeping on that cot.
Red Greenback
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

I got one more TV Theme song I never knew had lyrics-All respect to Morey, but the lyrics really suck:

“Dick Van Dyke Show”

Lyrics by Morey Amsterdam (who played Buddy Sorrell on the show), Music by Earl Hagen

So you think that you’ve got trouble.
Well trouble’s a bubble.
So tell old mister trouble to get lost.

Why not hold your head up high and
Stop cryin’, start tryin’.
And don’t forget to keep your fingers crossed.

When you find the joy of living
Is loving and giving,
You’ll be there when the winning dice are tossed.

A smile is just a frown that’s turned upside-down.
So smile and that frown’ll get lost,
And don’t forget to keep your fingers crossed.
Sheila Sternwell
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

#119 DEI: How does Hagar the Horrible keep it so fresh?

Ha!

#168 Red Greenback: Ted Koppel is a waffle.

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