The Comics Curmudgeon

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The man who knew too much

Beetle Bailey, 10/13/09

Many people turn to Beetle Bailey in their local newspaper and say “What, they still publish this?” Wait, did I say “many”? Because I meant “all.” Anyway, of those who put forth any more brain effort than that to the matter, many wonder what, exactly, Camp Swampy is for, since none of its soldiers are ever shipped out to fight in America’s various wars, which is just as well because their training regimen seems suspiciously lax. But today’s strip reveals that the sloth and squalor exhibited by the base’s inhabitants are just a cover for its real purpose as the secret research center for the next generation of deadly military technologies. Just look at that blackboard! Numbers … arithmetic … physics … my God, what sort of superbombs are these geniuses working on? Known braniac Plato is of course one of the top researchers, living incognito as an enlisted man to throw off suspicion. It’s too bad Beetle’s got a little too interested in matters above his pay grade, though, because now Plato’s going to have to beat him to death with a broom.

Crankshaft, 10/13/09

Oh, look at these two damned souls! Every non-recurring Crankshaft character must fulfill one of two roles: “Person who makes an unfunny pun or play on words while smirking grotesquely” or “person who responds dubiously to said wordplay.” Like a chorus in a Greek tragedy, they manifest themselves to occasionally offer a commentary on the other fate-crushed denizens of the strip, only to fade back into the wings, ready to appear again later as another smirking/dubiously responding pair.

Apartment 3-G, 10/13/09

Someday, we’ll look back and say, “Gee, Apartment 3-G turned into Aristotle Papagoras Gets So Much Middle-Aged Ass so gradually we barely even noticed it.” Margo gets plenty of facetime in this strip, so I’m willing to allow for her brief absence, but if I were Lu Ann I’d be a little miffed that we’re following the swath Dr. P is cutting through Manhattan’s ladies rather than her tormented family life. Tommie, of course, is glad to avoid to narrative’s glare, because every time she appears in the strip she suffers terribly.

Family Circus, 10/13/09

And that’s when Jeffy learned that he wasn’t the fairest of them all, at all.

Pluggers, 10/13/09

I have to admit that I am charmed by the look of shock on the he-plugger’s face in the background. “My goodness, my poor wife has been possessed by that demon-widget! It’s going to take a lot of snake-handling to fix this!”

Funky Winkerbean, 10/13/09

“Someday soon, because we’re going to be in the hospital, because of illness. It could happen at any time! Cancer! Hospital! Cancer death hospital death death death!”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 02:18 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Beetle Bailey, Crankshaft, Family Circus, Funky Winkerbean, Pluggers.

265 responses to “The man who knew too much”

Digger
October 13th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Yeah, like any of those girls are going to make it through nursing school before they die of cancer.
Patrick
October 13th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

I would think that Pluggers use those Jitterbug phones that have one big button to call their children or emergency services, whichever is closest.
zenvelo
October 13th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

those mangoes are green and probably hard as a rock. Gabriella’s ability to choose men is as poor as her ability to choose fruit.
Anne
October 13th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

You guys, Dr. P’s flirting is actually thinly-veiled insulting! Mangoes, when ripe, are generally a lovely reddish-orange. These are palest green, which means they’re rock-hard and inedibly sour! When Gabriella idiotically asks whether sour, concrete mangoes are “beautiful” and Aristotle seems to turn that into a complement about the way her facial muscles move to reveal her teeth, he’s actually telling her that she’s rock-hard and inedibly sour. She then, meaningfully, claims to be blushing – that is, turning the color of an actually ripe mango. Clearly this is some sort of Freudian imagery concerning ripeness and sexual availability, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to spend the rest of my lunch hour thinking it through.
MolyBendum
October 13th, 2009 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

Grandma Plugger would get more than 12 texts a day if her four fat fingers could send more than 1 text an hour.
The Ghost of Jarrod
October 13th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Really, who in the Funkyverse would be doing anything other than planning on working in the medical industry? I imagine it consumes 492% of GDP, and provides the only means of employment anyone there can pursue, at least until the sweet embrace of cancer introduces them to Masky McDeath.
Grant
October 13th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

There is no way my grandparents will ever deign to send a text message. And they’re from the Midwest!

That’s what a plugger is, right? A middle-aged or elderly person from the Midwest? I’m still a little fuzzy on the rules.
JC Lisbon
October 13th, 2009 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

The Blister Sisters are all wearing white shirts with black crosses on them; are they future nurses or harbingers of death? This is the Funkiverse, so both!
Slylock Foxy
October 13th, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

Meanwhile, over in Baby Blues, Darryl’s callousness toward Wanda’s growing depression threatens to tear their marriage apart, while woman-child Zoe looks on with a jaded, indifferent eye at the collapse of the modern family. The funny pages, ladies and gentlemen!
Ringo Beaumont III
October 13th, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: “They’re sending me about a dozen text messages a day! But why do all of them as if I need FAST CASH to pay my Columbus Day bills?”
survivor
October 13th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

So the people running the medical tent are ‘Blister Sisters’, eh?

I figured that in Funky Winkerbean, the medical tent would be run by Eric Idle banging a large triangle while shouting, “Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!”
Heather
October 13th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

The last panels of Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean are eerily similar…
Uncle Lumpy
October 13th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Someday, we’ll look back and say, “this was the day Josh introduced us to Dr. Papagoras’s swath.” And not in a good way.
Calico
October 13th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Niall, that is sad about LJ’s condition.
I thought it had gone into remission for a time, but I could be wrong…?

I am not sure if she has Parkinson’s per se, but hopefully there are treatments out there that can help for the better (no pun intended, really).
Natalie
October 13th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

After reading this site for over a year, I just realized TODAY that I that I thought Crankshaft and Funky Whateverbaum were the same strip.
Dragon of Life
October 13th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Jeffy looks innocent as he asks his questions, but that clenched fist promises only blood, shattered glass, and recriminations aplenty. Extra-credit question: Jeff Keane has drawn and scripted a cartoon in which his younger self is not only refusing to speak to himself, but unable to identify himself in a mirror. How many levels of disturbing does this contain?
Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
October 13th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

“And that’s when Jeffy learned that he wasn’t the fairest of them all, at all.”

No, that’s when Jeffy, and everyone else, learned that he was a total goddamn fairy.
Uncle Lumpy
October 13th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

When considering Dr. P’s swath
Cut through MILF, grandma, preppie, and goth –
Recall back in the day
‘Fore he donned that toupee
That he bedded the vestals of Toth!
Steleru
October 13th, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

Okay, I give up. Besides bowling pins, what else are bus drivers so fond of knocking over? Tardy passengers? Street sign posts? Is there a point to this gag somewhere?
Calico
October 13th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Jeffy,
REDRUM
Uncle Lumpy
October 13th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

#19 Steleru –

It’s one of the strip’s running jokiform entities that Crankshaft knocks over his neighbor Keesterman’s mailbox with his school bus.
Charles Kuffner
October 13th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Maybe Jeffy’s problem is that he’s wearing pants while asking the question. He does everything else nekkid from the waist down, why the sudden attack of modesty now?
Karmyn
October 13th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Yesterday’s Garfield was funny in pyschotic paranoid way. Today it was just pathetic. Way to ruin it, Davis.
jth90c
October 13th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

#19 – mailboxes and Liquor Stores.
David
October 13th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

Am I the only person who sees Herbert Kornfeld in that Crankshaft?

http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/view/kornfeld
Steleru
October 13th, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

#21 Uncle Lumpy –

Thanks for the clarification. I didn’t want to have to spend too much time trying to figure that one out for myself.
DAS
October 13th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

The last panels of Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean are eerily similar… – Heather

It’s like a S. Fox spot the differences panel. Anyway the key difference between Crankshaft and F.W. is that in the latter the Greek Chorus characters, which include some of the main characters, smirk too!

BTW, Grant … you needn’t be fuzzy on the rules … apparently one of the rules is that indeed Pluggers are supposed to be fuzzy.

I do take it from the name that, in addition to the characteristics you list, Pluggers are supposed to be constipated due to a lack of fiber in their diet as they denounce high fiber foods as un-American and only fit to be consumed by hippies. Ironically, Pluggers are sometimes depicted as animals that are supposed to be vegetarians, except as raised on Mad Cow producing farms that exist where pluggers are supposed to be from …
walty
October 13th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

“Don’t these mangoes look beautiful? Get it? Because I have some vague Latin flair, I didn’t use the colloquial ‘melons’ to hint at my breasts. Also, all I’m wearing is this dickie, pearls, and half-jacket. Have you picked up on the euphemism yet?”
Steleru
October 13th, 2009 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

#24 – jth90c

Good ones. I almost used “liquor stores” myself, but I held back. Why, I don’t know.
BassBone
October 13th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Re: Beatle Bailey: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are… boring.
BassBone
October 13th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Re: Crankshaft: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are… boring.
Fashion Police
October 13th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

Gabriella (does she have a last name? As a member of the servant class, probably not) exhibits a refreshing old-world gentility by dressing in her best suit and faux pearls to do her morning marketing. It is encouaging that, however lowly her status she puts her best foot forward for even the most mundane of chores.

Unfortunately, salmon-pink does not seem to be her best color. We suspect she has to take what she can get on the pittance allowed her by her former lover and the daughter from said union. At least they spare her the indignity of having to venture into the streets of Manhattan in her maid’s uniform.

We are so pleased to see Professor Papagoras in a suit that isn’t the color of a football jersey that we will, just once, overlook his hideous orange necktie.
Spunky N. Tadpole
October 13th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

@ #16 DofL:

How many levels of disturbing does this contain?

It’s Family Circus – it holds universes of disturbing…
teddytoad
October 13th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Pluggers’ grandchildren are losers.
Mary Worthless
October 13th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

12 – If you switch the first panels of FW and Crankshaft today, it makes for two much more amusing and interesting storylines and one can almost overlook the specter of death that daily taints both strips
Shane Vader
October 13th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

Today’s Hi And Lois blew my mind, because I always thought Thirsty and the garbageman were the same person.
True Fable
October 13th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

#14 Calico – Lynn Johnston has dystonia, a neurological disorder that affects the head and neck muscles and causes spasms.
MolyBendum
October 13th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

#34 teddytoad – Y’know, you got me thinking. What in the hell are these grandchildren texting every damn day to their grandma? I’m thinking there’s 12 of them, and they each text once a day: u suck grams :)
“Oh, look, Herbert. Becky made that smiley face with the parentheses again! Isn’t that cute. And these kids with their slang today! I’m sure glad they told me that bad things mean good things….those kids sure love their Gram-Gram!”
Plugger grandchildren are fucking assholes.
Perky Bird
October 13th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

I’m not so sure Grandma Plugger did learn a “new trick”. She realizes here grandkids sent her text messages on her cellphone, but do we have proof that she actually knows how to open them and reply to them?
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

A3G – I really don’t blame Gabriella, the grocer or A3G in general for those green mangoes. IT’S THOSE F[Ohh La La]ING COLOR MONKEES WHO DON’T KNOW A MANGO FROM AN AVOCADO!
R Riis
October 13th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Suddenly it all makes sense: Margo’s hard, bitter personality was shaped by a childhood diet of hard, bitter, unripened fruit, served by her obviously color-blind mother, Gabriella.
ArchieNemesis
October 13th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

Speaking of the smirker and the dubious responder, check out the last panel of Funky.
Perky Bird
October 13th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

If Dr. Papagoras becomes any more of a ladies’ man, he’s going to have to change his name to “Dr. Come-to-papa.”
commodorejohn
October 13th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

I just can’t wait for tomorrow’s strip, in which Gabriella specifically refers to a bin of oranges, which are electric-blue.
Calico
October 13th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

#32 – As Marco Pierre White said about one of his diners on HK, “I could tell he would be trouble because of the color of his tie.”

#43 – But does he wear a Viagra Ring?
Anonymous
October 13th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

All the smart young people LOL at the old people, because old people are completely bemused by cellphones and texting! Ha, ha!

I got news for you though – phoning/texting are NOT technical skills, and doing it a lot does not mean you are suddenly Justin Long in that Die Hard movie, astounding crusty old Bruce Willis as you whip a spare phone out and mysteriously connect to a secret satellite network. Oh, sure, you have to grasp that the number 2 equals ABC, but that’s pretty much the hardest part. OK, emoticons take another 30 seconds to master, I’ll give you that, even though they were invented WAY before cell phones.

No, cool young things, in fact texting and phoning incessantly are just irritating habits and signs of incipient OCD.
Bryan
October 13th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

Hey, that’s right! Margo was the bastard spawn of Mr. Magee bending one of the maids (Gabriella) over the arm of the couch one Friday afternoon, so obviously Gabriella wouldn’t have taken the last name Magee. So what was her last name.
I think Dr. Papagoras missed the obvious “Yeah and the fruit looks pretty good too!” response.
Danny Lilithborne
October 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

Mr. Batiuk, seriously. Ending a strip with one character making a wry remark while another character looks on bemused NEVER WAS FUCKING FUNNY. STOP using it!

As for “Beetle Bailey”, I want to know what dramatic physics quandary that writing “50″ on a blackboard will solve.
DamienBixlan
October 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft – I consider as a lifetime achievement being able to perform a real-life smirk as the one “non-recurring-character-number-two” bears in panel three.
Chip Whittle
October 13th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Is it possible that we’re simply reading Apartment 3-G wrong and what seems to be a little flirting over mutant avocado mangoes is actually the cover code-conversation of Resistance operatives in an occupied nation during World War II? Note how careful Aristotle and Gabriella are to keep their eyes on everything in the world other than each other. They know if they’re caught there’s no hope for the raid on Navarone.
littlefox
October 13th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

At first, I thought the joke in Crankshaft was about bus drivers committing theft. It’s actually about bus drivers inflicting property damage. I totally get it now.
bats :[
October 13th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

I’m just trying to think what *else* Mrs. Plugger could be holding so joyfully that would make Mr. Plugger look so taken aback…
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

BB – Frankly, I think Beetle and Plato are swabbing out a 3rd or 4th grade classroom. I mean that Energy equation is only written by kids who see it for the first time and think that by writing it down on a chalkboard it makes them look smart.
Now, if I saw on that board some of the stuff I saw on the board of The Big Bang Theory last night, I might have to agree with Josh.

And a CHALKBOARD? Who in BlueBeetleBlazedBrainBlubber uses a chalkboard anymore?
Andrew Leal
October 13th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

@36 Shane Vader: It’s an old comic ailment, which one might refer to as Herb Woodley syndrome, wherein a major supporting character inexplicably looks exactly or almost exactly like a more minor supporting character, but nobody ever notices.

Herb and mailman Mr. Beasley are the classic case of course (and within the same strip, similar questions have arisen regarding J. C. Dithers and Dagwood’s dad from the early days), but this applies equally to Thirsty Thurston and garbageman Abercrombie (his sidekick is named Fitch). And of course there’s the soap opera male syndrome, ala Apartment 3-G, but that’s different, especially since as far as can be determined, the fact that the young(ish) men all look interchangeably bland seems to be unintentional.
Dave
October 13th, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

So the truth is revealed: Camp Swampy isn’t a U.S. military outfit at all, but some sort of radical right-wing militia of junior high school janitors.
LUJBEM FEJF
October 13th, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

FC- “Mary Worth…Mary Worth…Mary Worth!!!”
C’mon Jeffy Say It! and let the fun begin!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloody_Mary_%28folklore%29
hogenmogen
October 13th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Funky: I read “These girls are from the future… ” and for a second I thought it was one of those dorky time-jump things.

But in the end, it turned out to be a mini-morality play to drive home the fact that we should be nice to strangers who will one day have our lives, literally, in their hands. Otherwise, it would be perfectly acceptable to get one of them pregnant and then diss them so horribly that they fall for some creepy geek.

Crankshaft might benefit from Les’s advice. He’s been mean, rotten and sour to everyone he has ever met in the past 70 years. When his liver fails, he will have a really hard time getting a nurse or anyone to stomach even being in the same zip code… oh wait, we already saw the future of ’shaft, and the nurses were super-nice anyway. So don’t listen to Les! Go out and be a bastard! They don’t care!
troy macgregor
October 13th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

#25 David: or perhaps Wally the gay projectionist from “Mission Hill” http://www.morphizm.com/images/features/adultswim/mission_guswally.jpg

It’s like the smirking stock Crankshaft character knows his lowly fate with his forced expression. “They like knocking things over! Heh? Hehh? Shoot me now!”
buckyswife
October 13th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

53 Sequitur: “And a CHALKBOARD? Who in BlueBeetleBlazedBrainBlubber uses a chalkboard anymore?”

Uh… me? Seriously, almost all our classrooms, even the newest ones, have chalkboards. And even when I’m nicely dressed, I walk around chalk covered—especially that nice little chalk line right across my butt from where I’ve leaned against the chalk tray.
hogenmogen
October 13th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

FC: All this mirror does is look at me! With those dead doll eyes, like buttons, devoid of all expression. That pig nose? And that stupid looking fat head with the reddish hair. Ha ha! What a dork!
NSP
October 13th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

Funky Wienershaft and Sally Forth should have a side-of-the-mouth-off.
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 13th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

I also use chalkboards every day, and anyone who tries to take them away or suggests replacing them with (filthy, smelly) whiteboards gets a rare opportunity to meet Frothing Rabid Wolfdog.
BRWombat
October 13th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Frankly, I’m more than a little stunned that Jeffy even has a reflection.
SF_Reader
October 13th, 2009 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Per official Plugger rules: Pluggers DO NOT text message, use the internet, or indeed even own cell phones. Casting a condescending eye on technology is more common in a Plugger cartoon than cancer is in Funky Winkerbean.
Uncle Balustrade
October 13th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

FC: The black paper between a mirror
Breaks [Jeffy's] heart that he can’t go.

Steal softly through sunshine;
Steal softly through snow.
mr 12 oz can
October 13th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

mary worth – inthe second panal dr jeff has the same look dante from the movie clerks did when his gf told him she gave 37 different guys hummers – mark trail. -why is mr sideburns hiding behind the tree like the wickard witch of the west does he expect bob mark and rusty to pick some apples – apartment 3 g – dr whozit might talk smooth but hes getting no action unless he goes to see cherry in lost forest
Black Drazon
October 13th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

It’s nice that they demonstrated that Beetle Bailey only “knows” what’s in front of him at that very moment, as he has the memory of a proverbial goldfish. Thank goodness he’s paid by the government to walk around heavily armed.
Toff
October 13th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

Wasn’t there a recent Beetle Bailey where Sarge found out he was related to Beetle? I can’t be imagining that, why would I be imagining anything about BB…
hogenmogen
October 13th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

I had to read a book for work, The Fred Factor, about a mailman who more or less interviewed the people on his mail route to find out what he could do for them above and beyond the normal call of duty. But in suburban hell, the garbageman goes through each can to discover the intimate details of the lives of the people on his route without their consent or knowledge. Then he tells the other people on his route what he finds. Hi is rightfully alarmed. What did garbage dude tell neighbor Thirsty about all those back issues of Gigantic Asses that Louis made him throw out last week?

Answer: Probably nothing, because he brushed off the banana peels and coffee grounds and kept them for himself.
survivor
October 13th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

35 – COTW!
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

59. buckyswife
Wow. Everything down here seems to be the whiteboards now.
I seem to remember way back in 7th grade I had a teacher who was quitting smoking. She carried a piece of chalk with a red mark on the end (kind of like those old candy cigarettes) around all day to fake out her hands into thinking she had a smoke. She would even put it in her lips on occasion. Try doing that with a whiteboard marker!
Steve S
October 13th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

Oh, Jeffy, don’t you know that a Keane boy liking Snow White is equivalent to anyone else’s boy cross-dressing? They’ll bully you mercilessly in home-school.
Niall
October 13th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

Y95. bats :[ : yeah. The trembling wasn’t hugely noticeable, like full palsy would be, but if you paid attention, you could see it.

Y114. Specatular Spider-Brick: true enough – and yet, credit where credit is due, she did decide to redraw a strip she judged too poor from her trembling hand. I’ll give her that much over Crock & co.
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

69. hogenmogen

…that Louis made him throw out last week?

Is there something about Hi that you’re not telling us?
Alan's Addiction
October 13th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Yes, thrill and laugh as “Beetle Bailey” gives us random, highly useless facts about multiplication! Tune in next week to view the lighter side of algebraic proofs; next month they’ll tackle calculus!
I can see why the Funkyverse is such a vicious, bitter place. In a town where all the bus drivers apparently trained exclusively at demolition derbies, the sheer property destruction must have everyone living in poverty-ridden shacks. The citizens’ only solace is the mythical “Bowling Night,” when these demons temporarily abandon their hulking engines of destruction to throw large balls at small pins.
I commend the writers of “Apartment 3G” for avoiding most of the possible fruit-based double-entendres. However, I’m pretty sure that “inviting another man to admire her mangoes” is taken as a sign of infidelity in most cultures, so I can’t recommend married women try that line on strangers.
Jeffy is displaying way more intelligence than I would’ve suspected in today’s “Family Circus.” I thought that his initial reaction to a mirror would be to viciously attack his own image.
The male Plugger in today’s strip is confused because that’s the longest his wife has continuously talked to him in the past year.
Les, as far as I’m concerned, the nurses can’t “take care of you” soon enough. And by “take care of you,” I really mean “become so annoyed by your pretentious, narcissistic obsession with your own mortality that they deliberately inject an air-bubble into your arm.”
Niall
October 13th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Trying to catch up.. yes, I’m silly…

Weekend thread 202.buckyswife: You keep on like that, and someone might think teachers think things besides teaching. (I never avoid alliteration, as always.)

All the talk then of disembodied lesbian head erotica makes me think of the comic book Nexus. Explanation too long, googling too long. You get the reference or you let it go. :)

On the Phantom being On Its Game recently: maybe the creators should be allowed more often to stretch themselves. Though there are a few snarkable bits, they can be excused to an extent – Ghost-Who-Panics because, well, the bad guy showed on-screen his Bad Guy Chops! After winning for so long and so easily, denial sets in…

Gasp! I missed Angry Kem’s brief return! Now I’m sad.

Saturday thread 51. AeroSquid: There’s a good joke here to compare Electro and Jr with electric bills to pay, and Sandman and Jr with sand dollars to pay, but I don’t know enough about the referent to make it funny.

Same thread 53. Helena Handbasket: I think the funniest bit about the Roman Holidays wikipedia entry is the Italian’s mocking name for the series, which manages to fit into the SPQR acronym. Now that is a good sense of humour.

On Canadian Thanksgiving: most people I know celebrate on Sunday and recuperate on Monday…

Same thread 82. Nerowolfgal: And yet, here in Ottawa too, I need to have all my windows half-open just to have fresh air and not suffocate of heat. I really need to find an apartment where I can control the heat, not a “central” thermostat for the whole building.

Sunday thread 55. Écureuil Écumant: I don’t know, a very witty and clever bout of wordplay can definitely get me interested in a woman. But once in bed, I do try to keep my mouth… there’s no good way to end this sentence.

Same thread 59. HogenMogen: if Cassandra had made the threatening, I bet you wouldn’t have minded spending the same time, and none of it on the mystery. :)

Yay, Lisa!
cj
October 13th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

Crank:

Contrary to what panel one might have you believe, there are no attractive female bus drivers.

Plug:

I see the granny plugger hasn’t lost her sense of frugality. All new cell phones have fractal antennae, so I bet she saved $30 buying a model from the previous (obsolete) paradigm.

FW: Apparently Les plans to die in a hospital. This is perfectly fine, as we all know he doesn’t deserve to be with what little family he has left.
buckyswife
October 13th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

71 Sequitur: Well, even with the chalk-butt, I agree with One-Eyed Wolfdog: I’m not a whiteboard fan. Stinky and smeary, and the damned pens run out too soon.

76 Niall: I never ever think of anything besides teaching—what varies, however, is the subject in which I’m giving instruction.
Binder's Butter Beans
October 13th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

FW: Yeah, well, the sooner Masky McDeath comes for Les, the better. Because that’ll end the strip, right? RIGHT??
Rana
October 13th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

Add me to those who use a chalkboard regularly, who has sported that chalky butt-line (why do I always seem to wear black on lecture days?), and who despises the smelly whiteboard and its always dried out markers.

That chalkboard is about the only thing in Beetle Bailey that isn’t trapped in a time warp.
Fashion Police
October 13th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

#45, Calico:
Similarly, Mrs. Bobbie Merrill picked out “Dr. Whosis” as a likely mark simply by his appearing in public in an pumpkin-colored suit.

It is worth noting the fates of the pumpkin-suited suitors of Dr. Adrian Cory. Now that Dr. Cory’s father has followed suit, so to speak, doom is certain to fall on him as well. In his case, we can hardly wait.
Violet
October 13th, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

You know the elder Keanes are exchanging glances as if to say “Who wants to dignify this cretin’s pathetic gibberish with a response? Not me!” “Did Jeffy get into the drain cleaner again? Ida know, or care.”
Comcis Fan
October 13th, 2009 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: A Plugger Grandma learns she should have signed up for that free-texting plan she didn’t think she’d need after all, because those dozen messages a day will quickly eat into Grandpa Plugger’s pension from the logging company. Hence the look of worry on his face, or else he wonders who’s sending Grandma messages on that vibrating device.

Batiuk: Bowling alley employee = mean, anti-bus-driver smirk, Les = clever, let’s-joke-about-how-we’ll-all-die-someday smirk. I wonder how many smirks are in the Batiuk Smirk Warehouse, and if they hang around all day discussing their motivation.

FW: Run, Kayla, run! He’s giving you the cancer eyes! “They’ll be taking care of us one day,” Kayla. Translation: “They’ll be consoling me, the lonely widower, when you’re in the hospital dying of cancer.”

Beetle: Josh’s revelation about the secret research center at Camp Swampy raises new questions about the role of Zero. Is he really the disguised mastermind of the special new weapon?
Uncle Lumpy
October 13th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

#78 buckyswife –

In the days before sweet-smelling markers, I taught at a joint with whiteboards that took charcoal “chalk” held in a red plastic “chalk pen.” And I had nine kinds of statistics formulae all over the back of my nice tan suit.
Uncle Lumpy
October 13th, 2009 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

#83 Cc F –

. . . new questions about the role of Zero. Is he really the disguised mastermind of the special new weapon?

Nah — the weapons group needs him to chop up for Ground Zero.
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

79. Binder’s Butter Beans
Wrong. Unfortunately, the title of the strip is not Les. Anyway, this stuff can go on forever. Even if Batiuk kicks the comic bucket. Just look at Shoe, B.C., Blondie, etc, etc. [and in a way, even FOOB].
Our only hope is if Batiuk has no protégé in the wings.
Rana
October 13th, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

I wonder if smirking is what causes cancer…
mcc
October 13th, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

“Many people turn to Beetle Bailey in their local newspaper and say “What, they still publish this?” Wait, did I say “many”? Because I meant “all.” ”

I must note you here massively overstate the number of Americans who still read newspapers
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

Just has a thought. If Batiuk goes away, maybe bats :[ could continue the strip. She wouldn’t even have to draw it. Just take pieces of it from over the years and paste it together (Monty Python style) with her own witty dialogue. Now THAT would be worth reading.
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

HAD a thought. WhatADay.
Ktrout
October 13th, 2009 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

“Good Morning Aristotle, don’t these mangoes look beautiful?”

“They do indeed, but they don’t hold a candle to YOURS!!!!” HAHAHAHA
Baka Gaijin
October 13th, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

Garfield: It’d be great if someone replaced Liz’ purse with Marvin’s filled diaper. The dialog would make lots more sense.
Dr. Weird
October 13th, 2009 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

86 Sequitur –

The idea of Tom Batuik having a protégé boggles the mind… I’m picturing the death-obsessed Harold from Harold and Maude driving to his new cartooning job in his hearse.
McPerson
October 13th, 2009 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Nice touch, Pluggers people, making the characters in today’s strip dogs.
Écureuil Écumant
October 13th, 2009 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

A3G: Actually, green mangoes get pickled. Big wind comes, boom they fall off the tree. Gotta do something with ‘em before the neighbor kids start using ‘em for grenades and bust some windows. Peel, slice, put in vinegar & sugar water for a couple weeks. Yum, Yum, onolicious!
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
October 13th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

And thus it was that the Keanes knew: the malfunctioning talking mirror meant it was time for another blood sacrifice to Shub-Niggurath, the Goat with a Thousand Young.
Evan
October 13th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

Beetle’s school is obviously like the one room schoolhouses of old (olde?), with multiple lesson plans carried out concurrently; modern physics (e = mc^2), algebra (111X111 = 12321), basic counting (50), and, of course, remedial mopping.

Notably Beetle seems to be flunking even that last one.
Alfred E. Neuman
October 13th, 2009 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

MW— To buckyswife and other Curmudgeons who are wondering about Mary’s purpose in the current story, you may have forgotten that she is an accomplished Doctor of Meddlecine.
Red Greenback
October 13th, 2009 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

If I told you that you have beautiful mangoes, would you hold my candle?
Baka Gaijin
October 13th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

#98 Alfred E. Neuman: Did she graduate Magna Cum Meddle?
Alex
October 13th, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

I agree, Aristotle; women’s faces do tend to age better than their breasts.
Alfred E. Neuman
October 13th, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

#100 Baka Gaijin— No, she graduated in the meddle of her class.
Poteet
October 13th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

# 99 Red Greenback — BWAHAHA!
Joe Blevins
October 13th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

BB: Greg Walker has reached a new nadir/zenith of laziness with this strip. Shouldn’t his pocket calculator get the writing credit — and the royalty check? Will the entire next week’s strips consist of, say, Zero and Cookie reciting state capitals to each other? Or perhaps Sarge and Killer trading factoids gleaned from the back of cereal box?

FC: And, of course, it’s just a coincidence that Disney recently released a new DVD/Blu-Ray edition of Snow White, right? Right?!? Please tell me that the innocent Keane children have not sullied themselves in the mire of “corporate synergy” and “product placement.”

FW: I see Les and Cayla have moved their relationship to the next level — exchanging smirks in a public place while wearing semi-revealing clothing.

A3G: “Stop! You make you blush!” ATTENTION, COLORISTS! THAT’S YOUR CUE!
Echo
October 13th, 2009 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

I wonder why someone like Tom Batiuk, who can draw quite well, would choose to deface his drawings with that gods-be-damned smirk all the bloody time.
Rana
October 13th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

Chalkboard humor!
buckyswife
October 13th, 2009 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

106 Rana—Excellent!
Anonymous
October 13th, 2009 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

ah Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean… the only strips to accurately reflect how i see the world
BigTed
October 13th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

E = mc2, of course, is one of the scientific discoveries that led to the atom bomb. It follows that 12321 is the number of Camp Swampy neighbors who will be instantly incinerated when Gen. Halftrack pushes the wrong button after one highball too many. And 50 is the number of soldiers who will fit in the underground bunker — so if you think Beetle and Sarge fought hard before, wait’ll you see their deathmatch for the last remaining space.
commodorejohn
October 13th, 2009 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

#104 Joe Blevins – I’d almost think product placement would be a step up for The Family Circus, which would then at least have some discernable purpose.
Isaac
October 13th, 2009 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Hey, if I were magically springing out of someone’s ass, coffee and all, I’d look surprised too.
CanuckDownSouth
October 13th, 2009 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

Dittos on the “always using chalkboards” – the college where I teach is planning on half ‘n half in classrooms for a newly-planned building, but one built a few years ago is all chalkboards. (Also, where I went to grad school and spent postdocdom had a mix, but heavy on the chalkboards.) They seems to work better – for one thing, there’s foolproof cleanup with water instead of chancy solvent supplies, and you can tell when your chalk supply is low just by looking at it.

I do wear a lot of dark colours, but have honed my quick surface-cleaning skills :)
Crankenstank
October 13th, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

Glad to see old Funky Winkerbean hasn’t lost its 1970s-vintage sexism, either. Some things never change!
Lisa
October 13th, 2009 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

Anyone notice that Frazz has picked up the boat theme in Arlo and Janis? I suppose that this will be it, though, since Frazz is a one joke a day strip, while A&J is a story strip.

And…. Bridget comes through for Norm…. how sweet…. So, is Bridget really an airhead or is she just pretending for Norm’s sake?
LaziestManOnMars
October 13th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

Ugh.

I really liked today’s “Plugger’s.”

That really does not speak well of me.
Deni D.
October 13th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

re: Beetle Bailey: Who knew Good Will Hunting was in the army?!
bats :[
October 13th, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

89. Sequitur: wait, what? Hey! What did I ever do to YOU?!
Have at you, sirrah!

(Did anyone catch “The Big Bang Theory” last night, with the reference to the Thanksgiving treat, Turbriskfil? A turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish… that drumstick’s lookin’ pretty good now, isn’t it?)
buckyswife
October 13th, 2009 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

117 bats:[ —Gah! That, too, needs a “turkey lovers beware” warning label!
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

117. bats :[
No offense was intended. Quite the opposite. I figured that someone with your comedic skills would be able to take a death and dying strip and turn it into a fun time for all! You are quite good, you know.

I saw that episode of The Big Bang Theory last night. While I like a lot of Jewish food, that particular entree is not Jewish or even fit for human consumption. It was, however, funny.
zerowolf
October 13th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

GT: Jamarr, you might as well give up the team and the girl, ’cause you ain’t scoring!
spazmodeas
October 13th, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

“Someday soon, because we’re going to be in the hospital, because of illness. It could happen at any time! Cancer! Hospital! Cancer death hospital death death death!”

Okay, Les. Put it back in your pants. Now.
zerowolf
October 13th, 2009 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

MW: Prince Valiant Adrian says that Scott proposed to her weeks ago, but the drug bust happened only a couple days after he proposed. Did Mary and Jeff drive to the hospital by way of Des Moines?
zerowolf
October 13th, 2009 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

Because you’re a totaL fucking retard, that’s why Jeffy.
laptoppanda
October 13th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

Indeed, Beetle has discovered the military’s most closely guarded secrets. Einstein’s theory of relativity! The square root of 12321! The existence of the number 50!
Ukulele Ike
October 13th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

Chip @ #50: Your comment reminds me of one of my all-time favorite dialogue exchanges in underground comix, from David Boswell’s 1985 Heart Break Comics.

Constance: I understand that your father was a commando in the last war.

Laszlo, Great Slavic Lover: No, that’s not quite true. He only sold vegetables to resistance fighters.

Constance: That’s fascinating.

(Yeah, okay, I guess you had to have been there…)
NoahSnark
October 13th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

I guess we can cross vampire off of the list of evil entities Jeffy could be.
Ukulele Ike
October 13th, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

Oh, and could the female teachers here stop talking about the chalk-lines across their butts? I’m now starting on an entirely new sexual fetish.
Rana
October 13th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

@127. Ukulele Ike

I guess I won’t tell you about the time I stepped back to eyeball what I’d written, and placed my chalky hands on my backside as I did so, then.

;)
buckyswife
October 13th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

127 Ukulele Ike: Sorry. But if you could just maybe… brush it off… right there…. =-)
bats :[
October 13th, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

Yeah, Sequitur, I know you were just Joshin’… :D
biggge
October 13th, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

has anyone heard of the “future nurses”?
they make funky music.
true story.
gnemec
October 13th, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

Compare and contrast today’s Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean: Crankshaft begins with a panel featuring characters in the middle foreground and other characters in the background. Second panel, something in the extreme foreground and tiny characters in the background. Third panel, closeup of person on the left reacting with mild shock to the wisecrack from the smirking person on the right. Funky Winkerbean begins with a panel featuring characters in the….oh, never mind.
Infected Beaver
October 13th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

Bats :[
I don’t think my idea would work. To be in the newspaper, it would have to be PG rated.
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

Oops. That was me at 133.
Ukulele Ike
October 13th, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

You women are evil.

Just like my 8th grade teacher, Miss Orinkowski. I’d put a chalk line across her butt, even today.
Burl Veneer
October 13th, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Yes, Grandma, that Facebook status update RSS-to-SMS feed is *just for you*!
Carrie ForthWorth
October 13th, 2009 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

Stone the crows ….Lisa’s Legacy walk is actually *REAL* … the Cleveland Plain Dealer had an article about it today. It’s happening this weekend!

http://www.cleveland.com/healthfit/index.ssf/2009/10/post_6.html
Red Greenback
October 13th, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

Funky Haiku:

The future nurses

Taking care of us one day

I can hardly wait
Nekrotzar
October 13th, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

#79 –
Hey, a Rum Doodle reference!
Sequitur
October 13th, 2009 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

Have you actually ever seen a stoned crow?

I will not use my Indian name again.
I will not use my Indian name again…
commodorejohn
October 13th, 2009 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

#137 Carrie ForthWorth – Good Lord. Does it end with a mass ritual irradiation? Do they sacrifice to the wrathful Tumor God?
Lorem Ipsum
October 13th, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

#40-Sequitur

How about being one of these?
Lorem Ipsum
October 13th, 2009 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

preview doesn’t work for those who can’t read…#140
Amanda M
October 13th, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

You know that sentence you wrote? “Beetle’s got a little too interested in matters above his pay grade”? I misread “pay grade” as “gay parade”. This is all your fault, you know. ;-)
Buck Ripsnort
October 13th, 2009 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

Probably waaaay too late for this but–
ONLY in A3G’s NY would a woman basically saying, “Get a load of THESE mangos, Prof!” not receive 1) a filthy leer, and 2) an equally crude retort. Along the lines of, “Yeah, and I’ve got a plantain in my pocket for you!”
Muffaroo
October 13th, 2009 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

Dick – Oh, thank god! Fee Fi is going to make the tiger mad so that it will actually do something. At last, this plot might get moving! And to think they owe it to the character with the least stupid name in the story.

Family – It’s a mirror of truth, Jeffy. It’s laughing on the inside.

Hägar – 1) “Just think, those morons in Id are trying to be like us.”

2) “What will be, must be. And that which is agony to he who struggles is but choice to him that is willing.” –Seneca

Rose – The scarecrow stands like that because he has a pole up his ass. Say, that’s how Rose stands. Well! I guess I learned something today.

Spidey – “I’ve got a proposition for you, Mr. Sandman! Send me a dream. Make him the cutest that I’ve ever seen. Give him two lips, like roses in clover, and tell me that my lonely nights are over!”
Muffaroo
October 13th, 2009 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

One-eyed Wolfdog @y44 – I haven’t read the strip in question, but I’ve long said that geese are the assholes of the bird world. So hearty agreement from me!

bats :[ @y65 – I haven’t lost a comment since I started writing them in the little text editor that came with the computer. I’m hoping soon to write comments worth saving.

Spider-Brick @y114 – The tragedy of “Grin and Bear It” is that whoever’s doing it now is obliged to imitate Lichty’s very casual drawing style. They probably had to make the pen shake very consciously, at first, and now their hand just naturally starts to tremble whenever they approach a piece of drawing board. Either that or they have one of those toys with a little motor that makes the pen wiggle while you draw with it. (”Bizzy Buzz Buzz,” for instance)

Sequitur @y116 – We started with a Timex-Sinclair, then updated fairly soon. We went out and looked at the first Macs, but wanted something that would stick around a while and settled on a PCjr.
Muffaroo
October 13th, 2009 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

commodorejohn @44 – Like the BC strip where BC asks Peter what the blue things are that he’s eating, and Peter says it’s an orange, then thinks, (”Poor devil must be fruit blind.”)

Rana @106 – When I worked in the U.H. physics department, I kept a box of chalk around for professors who needed it. One day Dr. Mayes came by and demanded, “Gimme a piece of chalk!” I brought out a brand new stick. He frowned at it, then said, “Gimme two!” So I snapped it in two pieces, which he accepted silently and hurried off to class.
seismic-2
October 13th, 2009 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

FC: I hope that mirror comes printed with the warning, “Objects may be even dumber than they appear.”

Crank: Is the guest-shot of previously unseen characters in the third panel a cross-over? Specifically, is the guy who is reacting to the smirk Mr. Rosa, the art teacher from Big Nate?

Some persons on this blog may wish to make an appropriate comment on today’s episode of Frog Applause, but I am not one of them.
zack
October 13th, 2009 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

“yeah, those mangoes look nice. But they don’t hold a candle to your tits, i mean smile…i’m a doctor.”
Helena Handbasket
October 13th, 2009 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

Grant @ #7: Wait, you mean to tell me that Lake Wobegon is full of Pluggers? I mean, I know they’re old-fashioned, and down-to-earth, and anti-technological, but… oh crap. I tune into A Prairie Home Companion every weekend. Does this mean that I… I like Pluggers? I think I need a drink.
Poteet
October 13th, 2009 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

# 151 Helena — Being as how I’m a middle-aged person from Iowa, I’ll join you in that drink.
Baron Von Foobenstein
October 13th, 2009 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

Why is the aging ex-beatnik guy hanging out with Jimmy JJ “DYNOMIIIITE” Walker?
sharkweek
October 13th, 2009 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

The authors of Beetle Bailey try to pay homage to “Good Will Hunting,” but the writers are so simple minded that they think advanced mathematics is the same multiplying large numbers together.
Sister Sestina
October 13th, 2009 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

43 Perky Bird:
“If Dr. Papagoras becomes any more of a ladies’ man, he’s going to have to change his name to “Dr. Come-to-papa.”

As opposed to his current name, bestowed upon the catamites he reams : Papa-Gore-Ass.
Sister Sestina
October 13th, 2009 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

“bestowed upon HIM BY”
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
October 13th, 2009 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

Doomsy Winkerbean:

No chance Lester old boy. You shant be needing any fancy nurses with their new fangled stethoscopes. Me and my magic 8 ball forsee a Cayla frustrated in not living up to your dead wife’s legacy helping you cross the river Styx to meet ol’ Lisa via pillow over the face with a .38 slug chaser. Well at least I can daydream about that anyways.
Esther Blodgett
October 13th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

PBS: Seeing Lil Guard Duck dressed in a banana suit to support Pig is the best thing that is going to happen to me this week.
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
October 14th, 2009 at 12:03 am [Reply]

Family Circus-

Ah Jeffy you silly paint chip eating little cherub you. If the mirror could talk it would say:

“You are chubby, unimaginative, melonheaded lummox who shall one day gravy-train off of his father for a living. “
Poteet
October 14th, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

10/14

MT — G’wan, go over and ask him. I double-dare ya.

MW — Gaaah! I’ve occasionally wished that everyone in MW didn’t look like Mary, but Jeff in that second panel is not what I had in mind.
Ed Dravecky
October 14th, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

Future nurses? Ha! Nobody in Westview has a future.
commodorejohn
October 14th, 2009 at 12:17 am [Reply]

#147 Muffaroo – You settled on a PCjr as something that would stick around? Oh, from a hindsight perspective, that’s rich.

(Although if nothing else, you have to credit the PCjr for giving rise to the classic Sierra adventure games, and their sixty gazillion ways to die or permanently screw up your game if you didn’t have a backup save…)
Muffaroo
October 14th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

commodorejohn @162 – Ironic, is it not? I was actually intrigued by the mac, myself. Anyway, we upgraded that junior until it was pretty much a real PC — 286 or something — with no hard drive. It had a Koala pad and two floppies and a modem and everything. I went on Compuserve with it. I still have it, boxed up. No modern computer is slow enough to play Xonix.
Dingo
October 14th, 2009 at 12:33 am [Reply]

When you’re done here, may I suggest People of Wal*Mart. Just don’t sip coffee while you look.
HammerOfTheCarps
October 14th, 2009 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Yankshaft: I guess this explains who knocked over the local liquor store.
bats :[
October 14th, 2009 at 12:57 am [Reply]

Do the humpty-humpday funnies:

FC: just how tall does a ceiling have to be for a stripper’s pole?

FW: finally, Les’ high school dreams are fulfilled — going out with a jock.
Unfortunately, he’d always fantasized that it would be Bull Bushka.

MW: OMG! What’s happening to their faces?!?

RMMD: you know, when things were going this slow before, we at least had Guido making kissy-lips or Lenore plotting to win the yacht-race or Max the Ax screaming into his cellphone.
seismic-2
October 14th, 2009 at 1:03 am [Reply]

Back in the late ’60s, I worked at a place that used drawers and drawers full of punched cards as the input to a number of different pre-compiled programs that expected their inputs to be in different formats. Rather than re-create all those drawers of cards in the various different formats, or re-compile the programs to accept a single data format, we hard-wired the card reader to read column 52 as if it were column 46, read column 34 as if it were column 65, etc. We used a plug board, just like an old-fashioned telephone switchboard, with the wires running from plug 52 at the top to plug 46 at the bottom, etc. Yep, we programmers were pluggers, and damn proud of it. So there, Wayne Fennell of Hendersonville, Tennessee, and your fancy-Dan twitter-phone!
Sister Sestina
October 14th, 2009 at 1:04 am [Reply]

Today’s Marvin got me so hopeful that an extraterrestrial might abduct Marvin and rid him from our lives. Then I realized that they would return him immediately after the disgusting results of the anal probe.
Niall
October 14th, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

Dingo: gah, that People of WalMart site is disgustingly addictive, but the wedding pic was a crowning moment of nadir that I needed go no further, and it freed me!
Mibbitmaker
October 14th, 2009 at 2:13 am [Reply]

10/14:

ZtP: Zippy doesn’t like it when Uncle Lumpy subs for Josh.

Luann: Yeah, “blunt” like “blunt head trauma”. Well…. That’s Our Gunthany! (I got that last idea while reading commodorejohn’s yThread #61 comment)

OBH: “P.S. — I really mean the Palins. Amen.”

S-M: Now that’s creepy!

A3G: “Too strong” meaning Margo beat up Dr. Whatsitz a few times since they knew each other.

BBailey: Panning the ‘camera’ over everyone sporting that same expression: Gen. Halftrack… Miss Buxley… Miss Blips… Greg Walker… Mort Walker… the readers… Josh… me… you guys…….

Blondie: That’s why Letterman always got the big money!

Curtis: “Well, ‘Blork!’ to you, too, Curtis. Now, what did you want to tell me…?”

ReFOOB: …and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another…….
Uncle Lumpy
October 14th, 2009 at 2:34 am [Reply]

Yeah, it’s my nose, isn’t it!
Dr. Weird
October 14th, 2009 at 3:04 am [Reply]

Scott Kurtz of PVP did an animation of Prince Valiant and other legacy strip character playing out Glengarry Glen Ross for the Harvey Awards. Very amusing. http://vimeo.com/7033559
Hobbes Fan
October 14th, 2009 at 4:02 am [Reply]

ReFOOB: Uh oh, how long before we see the retconned first appearance of Baby Asslips to woo Baby Lizzie?
mojo
October 14th, 2009 at 4:21 am [Reply]

Oooh! Mary Worth, 10/14, second panel: Pull the plug, Dr. Jeff! Pull the plug! While she’s outa the room! C’mon! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Sheila Sternwell
October 14th, 2009 at 4:26 am [Reply]

MT: Mark only goes up against pathetically stupid criminals. How does this happen? Does he live in an area full of paint chips labeled “Baby Food” or something?

MW: When the ladies left the room, Jeff finally had a moment to take off his mask, revealing himself as Wally Schirra in disguise.

GT: Kaz is so hot.

A3G: Gabriella holding her melons like that is such a cheap come-on. No wonder it’s working so well on Dr Tappayourass.
True Fable
October 14th, 2009 at 5:06 am [Reply]

I Haz Mah Wife’s Comik Alexander’s taste in hookers is expensive.

Hat Boy Who wants to bet his dad gets laid off?

Canadian Zombie Creepy.

Scenes from Suburban Hell She can’t be much of a realtor if she’s letting her house fall apart. Time for the Job Jar!
The Restless Mouse
October 14th, 2009 at 5:16 am [Reply]

I went to give a “thumbs up” to Digger’s comment at #1 and then I remembered there is no comment rating system here. What’s up with that! Digger; Nicely played!
AeroSquid
October 14th, 2009 at 5:28 am [Reply]

Blondie: Ha ! Chip can only afford one prostitute.

BB: Messy girls. Messy office girls.
AeroSquid
October 14th, 2009 at 5:31 am [Reply]

178. Me re: Blondie…..I mean ALEXANDER can only afford one prostitute. Chip is a pimp.
John C Fremont
October 14th, 2009 at 6:25 am [Reply]

yPBS – “Peanutbutter Jelly Time!”

MW – George Gobel?

Pluggers – Whoa! Did not see that coming.

Do Pluggers use email? Do Pluggers use the word “indeed?” And a suit?
mordock999
October 14th, 2009 at 6:49 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann -10/14/09 -

Luann – “Besides, Gunthie” Luann added, while tightening his leash, “If I wanted to just have SEX, I’d want to be SURE that the guy I had sex with was ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY and BEYOND ANY shadow of a Doubt, CLEAN. Well, THAT would be YOU, Sweetie!”

Gunther – “Ahhhhhhhh….,” (Faints, landing on a copy of “The Lost Symbol”)

Luann — “Works EVERY time.”

Luann dailing her i-Phone — “Hi, Quill. You free for Lunch?”

_________________________

DEATH to TJ!!!
MolyBendum
October 14th, 2009 at 7:38 am [Reply]

BC – Truth in writing:
”Hello Mr. Hunt Hut Operator! I’m a customer who knows that, when hunting, I will need something to mask my scent and also knows enough to come to the Hunt Hut for that something, but unfortunately quit paying attention before learning what that something might be!”
“Well hello Stereotypical Customer Who Knows Just Enough To Get Himself In What Could Conceivably Be Funny Trouble! I can help you with this liquid substance, which I will misidentify to you even though I am technically correct when I tell you it is ‘musk’, and I will stand here passively like the asshole I am and wait for you to do something totally stupid!”
“Well that’s super! And since I have no idea what this substance is, I think I’ll pour it all over my head, which is something no person who isn’t profoundly mentally deficient would do!”
“Well awesome! Now I will reveal to you that I totally let you take a deer golden shower! Isn’t that funny! I think we can wrap today’s strip up now!”

Blondie – God-damn the girls in this strip are breasty. I pick this world if I’m ever randomly turned into a comic strip character….
“Are you dating anyone else, Joel?”
“Mrrph-rmmph-mmmmph!”
“Mmm-mrrrph-slurrrp-mmrrrph-mmp!”

Cathy – Uh…Irving is as tall as Cathy. I think Cathy just randomly broke into some person’s house on her way home and started trying on clothes. That is funny.

Curtis – Hmmmm…. BLORK! is the same sound my eyeballs make when I stab them with a fork every time I read Curtis.

Family Circle – ”I’m tired of playing dress up, Daddy! Can we just get to the part where you stick it in now?”

Jumble – Once, I coughed brutally and felt a light duty modify my underwear. I felt guilty.

PBS – See, that’s what happens when you don’t speak English well. Government busts right in and snatches you up and puts you in Cuba…I mean…a zoo.

Pluggers – ”Martha! Come a-quick! Thars a buncha werds in th Pluggers today and I need halp!”
KarMann
October 14th, 2009 at 7:38 am [Reply]

@mordock999: So, you’re quite sure Luann is not a Plugger, then?
Kibo
October 14th, 2009 at 7:48 am [Reply]

Wait’ll Beetle calculates e^(pi*sqr(163)). His head’ll explode.

(It’s approximately 262537412640768743.9999999999992500725971981856889, one of the most irrational numbers ever.)
Whippersnapper
October 14th, 2009 at 8:10 am [Reply]

MT: How could it take Mr. Sideburns more than 2 seconds to identify Mark? How many guys in khaki jumpsuits does he usually see in the swamp?
Little Guy
October 14th, 2009 at 8:11 am [Reply]

Blork?
Susan
October 14th, 2009 at 8:26 am [Reply]

@ #182 MolyBendum, re: Family Circus

Holy shit, I just threw up in my mouth a little. LoL!
Susan
October 14th, 2009 at 8:27 am [Reply]

Re: #187

I meant CIRCLE, but now that I look at it again, maybe I did mean circus…
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 14th, 2009 at 8:29 am [Reply]

Next DT: “The tail! Is what he’s got the tiger by.”
Day after next: “He’s got [dramatic pause] the tiger by the tail.”
Saturday: “Where’s my Gretchen? –uh, shit. Do over.”
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 14th, 2009 at 8:40 am [Reply]

#184 – That fact would probably be introduced by Corporal Sri, the hilariously-drawn Indian stereotype character.
Mela
October 14th, 2009 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Tuesday’s stuff:

A3G: Admit it, Dr. P. You’re scared of Margo.

Baldo: A cold, sad look at Philadelphia’s future in a place I’d least expect it.

Curtis: So fear gives Curtis hairballs?

FW: Not only has Les failed to move on from his wife’s death a decade ago, he hasn’t even moved on from high school. When are we gonna retitle this strip “Les Moore Is Creepy and Sad”?

Luann: “But if any other guys enter into the equation, you’re screwed, artist’s geeky proxy!”

Pluggers: Oh my God, the Pluggers PO Box might have to move to a new branch! Clearly this is a national emergency! Where can Reed Hoover send his phone-book-sized collections of submissions? Will this sudden reliance on that new-fangled “AOL” kill this once-proud strip? And most importantly, will anyone other than Reed and the artist care?
Mela
October 14th, 2009 at 9:02 am [Reply]

Carrie @#137 – Y’know, if I lived out there and had a real, actual relative who had died of real, actual cancer, I would be furious that the city is allowing a “memorial” walk for a fictitious comic strip character instead of honoring a real person. That’s just intensely sad on the participants’ parts and disgustingly self-promoting on Batiuk’s. Ugh.
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 14th, 2009 at 9:15 am [Reply]

Argyle – Juvenile, but at least he didn’t over-caption it.
Calico
October 14th, 2009 at 9:16 am [Reply]

MW – What happened to Jeff’s face today? He’s morphed into Chris Cooper!
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 14th, 2009 at 9:18 am [Reply]

Edge City: “Over 25 or under 70″ includes everyone. So – yeah.
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 14th, 2009 at 9:28 am [Reply]

10/14

DT: Fee Fi is Buck Owens?

RMMD: Yikes! If this is a green card marriage and Pierced Wino is with the INS, the meeting isn’t going well.

SFx: 5) Vultures cling to the larger snakes, hoping for a sweet taste of leftover dead prospector. True!

C-Shaft: Should have seen this one coming. Hasn’t the man figured out yet that his universe runs on cheap irony and puns? Oh, suffering too.

BC: BC is now drenched in deer piss. I think Marvin creator Tom Armstrong is preparing to send champagne.

6C: Fountain of Youth? Isn’t it more like the Fountain of Regularity?

Ziggy: Well, the retirement plan involves regular contact with Ziggy so, yeah.

H&L: Irony of ironies. The real estate saleslady’s house is falling apart, despite the best efforts of her feral infant.

Blondie: “I went comparison shopping with all the escort services. The only ones in my price range are based in Hartford and they won’t drive out this far. So it looks like you’re the plot where I sow my seed, sugar.”
Ribinin
October 14th, 2009 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Yesterday’s BB: It is 42, not 50.
Old School Allie Cat
October 14th, 2009 at 9:35 am [Reply]

MW – Adrian, it’s a rookie mistake to leave your critical-condition loved one unattended in the hospital. And to think you’ll find solace in either the hospital cafeteria or Mary’s platitudes is just foolish. Wait in Scott’s room, and when his dinner tray comes, steal the pudding or his gravy covered meat lumps over noodles – the hospital is a jungle – only the strong make it out alive. To say nothing of the actual patients.

9CL – Ok, something about this Mary Rosenzweig visit has been bugging me. She’s a classmate of Amos and Edda – who went to Catholic school…maybe I’m profiling, but the only Rosenzweig I ever met celebrated Yom Kippur. I’m just saying.

FW – Honestly, Cayla, can you just give Les a heaping cup of Brown Sugar? Then we can get on with the strip and focus on someone else’s misery.
MolyBendum
October 14th, 2009 at 9:39 am [Reply]

- Mark Trail –
”How did he stay alive? I mean, I hit him with a stick and left him there! I was sure that if left up to chance he’d surely be killed, but somehow he survived! He must be Superman or something!”

- Rex Morgan, 12345 –
Nice, now this old chick is off in insano-world too. If I was Pierce I’d just go back out into the rain storm and walk to the nearest bar. It’d be easier than trying to figure out what was going on or trying to push the old people out the door. I’m going to laugh when the old guy brains him with a 9-iron though.

- Gil Thorp –
“[giggle] Tee-hee, you’re funny Robb.”
“C’mon Coach, I’m bein seeeeeer-ious!”
“Ok, ok, I believe you. Let me go talk to the other coaches so they can make a few lame jokes about this too before we really start caring.”

#187 Susan – Awesome. That happens to me a lot too when I think about Family Circus.
Calico
October 14th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

FC – “Daddy, you left your “pleasure stick” in the bathroom again!”
Sequitur
October 14th, 2009 at 9:47 am [Reply]

196. Artist formerly known as Ben
BC – That’s not champagne.
buckyswife
October 14th, 2009 at 9:47 am [Reply]

MT: Oh my goodness: Poachin’ Pal #1 is attempting the rare and risky Full Boldface in panel three. The difficulty level is compounded by the fact that he’s bolding within earshot of Mark and Bob—but it’s mitigated by the fact that Mark and Bob are, you know, idiots.

MW: “Yes, a quick break, my dear, where I’ll treat you to a platter of platitudes, an aperitif of aphorisms, a cup of consolation, slathering on my solicitousness until you can barely breathe and are completely in my power. Yes, a nice break will do you good…. Jeff, stop envying Scott’s unconscious state and come along!”

Curtis: If my boss had been stealing my food simply because he liked it, I’m not sure I’d be so cheerful about my workplace relationships.

SM: Foghorn is surprisingly open about his peeping-tom activities, isn’t he? It’s rather refreshing—no skulking about, no shame. Perhaps he’ll start a peeping-tom empowerment movement: “We peer, we’re here, get used to it!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 14th, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

#201 sequitur,
On reflection I’m pretty sure you’re right. Oh well, I guess I was shielding myself from the worst of it.

#!98 Old School Allie Cat,
I went to Catholic school despite not being Catholic. There were a few Jewish kids, at least in high school. So that part doesn’t bother me. The fact that Mary wants to emulate Edda instead of putting maximum distance between Edda and herself does. The chick’s a poster child for Stockholm syndrome.
Comcis Fan
October 14th, 2009 at 10:10 am [Reply]

FW: Not for long, Les. Then again, you’ll be able to moon over being dumped and have your teenage daughter try to rally you. Everyone will continue to orbit around you, Les.

Doonesbury: Well said and well done, Boopsie.

Legacy Peanuts: No snark her either, I dig that Snoopy. http://comics.com/peanuts I see the original publish date was Oct. 20, 1962. Fairly pioneering that Charles Schultz was addressing depression in his comic strip then, even if he called it “withdrawal symptoms.” Looking forward to seeing a happier old Snoopy strip. Cheer up, little guy!
hogenmogen
October 14th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

This is why Sam Driver, Attorney at Law will never morph into Sam Driver, Private Defective Detective:

Sam: You knew D’Vito would be there. Did someone call you to tell you that, or did they pass a note to you? Email? Text message? Tweet?

Henry: It was a phone…

Sam: No!

Henry: Emai- ?

Sam: No.

Henry: Oh, it was a hand written note that I have since disposed of, thereby leaving no evidence whatsoever.

Sam: How do you explain taking a gun to the meeting?

Henry: I brought my gu-

Sam: Woah no!

Henry: Gum. My chewing gum. Then uh, I … uh, found it. Yeah, I found the gun. That’s what happened.

Sam: We’re beginning to see eye to eye.
Comcis Fan
October 14th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

#198 and 203 Mary Rosenzweig probably has a Catholic mother and a Jewish father. Not too many Jewish girls these days named Mary. Come to think of it, not too many girls or women under age 40 at all named Mary, compared with earlier generations. Madison, yes. Mary, not so much.
commodorejohn
October 14th, 2009 at 10:23 am [Reply]

Agnes – Oh, Agnes is pretending to be Lynn Johnston!

BC – Uh…um…uh…

BrS – This girl just kicks ass. I’d love to see her become a regular character, or even get her own spin-off strip.

Crock – …WHAT.

DT – Oh, he’ll hold on, all right. He’ll hold on for another goddamn week.

FC – This is not a reasonable request when you barely come up to the windowsill.

FW – “AHH! NOOO!!! I DESPISE ANYBODY WITH ANY DEGREE OF PHYSICAL APTITUDE BECAUSE I AM CRIPPLINGLY UNABLE TO LET GO OF PAST UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCES!!! I’M LIVING A LIE!!! AAAAHHHH!!!”

Luann – Congratulations, Gunther, you may theoretically rate slightly higher than a sleazy midget Elvis in the estimation of a girl who actually considers the sleazy midget Elvis a possible partner. You’re a success, all right!

MW – Wow, the stress is so taxing that Jeff has turned into a completely different person in panel two!

Pluggers – Now that Pluggers readers will be required to use the Intertubes, we should be seeing a sharp decline in the number of reader-submitted Pluggers cartoons, at least until they figure out that they can badger their children into submitting their ideas for them.

Popeye – WELL IT’S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME!

RMMD – I’m really starting to feel sorry for this guy.

SM – Protip: it may not be wise to admit to stalking someone who can, you know, kill you.
Niall
October 14th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp: Remember kids, alcohol and violence are healthy and socially accepted ways to let off steam! Sadly, since they’re all eunuchs, the much healthier hour-long rounds of post-game anal and oral sex in the locker room is not a possibility for these athletes. (”It’s not being gay, it’s being manly!”)

One Big Happy: AMEN!!

Pluggers: Closure of outlying postal offices is sad and cuts off many areas from regular mail contact. This said, either that’s a lot of padding under that suit, or that Plugger has had a trip to the Jivaro…
Brian
October 14th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

We poke fun at Les’ comment, but let’s face it, he really is one more time jump away from being an incontinent nursing home curmudgeon.
Old School Allie Cat
October 14th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

#203 and 206 – AFKABen and Comcis Fan:

Ok, points taken – although, I think the name Mary will make a comeback once every parent decides that Emma, Olivia, Sophie, Taylor and Madison are played out. I also think Judy and Nancy are on the verge of a rebirth.

Says the girl who was one of a dozen Allisons in her graduating class.
Terry in Silver Spring
October 14th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Well, obviously Plato is a genius. He wears glasses.
JustAGuyGuy
October 14th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Jeffy, that mirror doesn’t want to talk to you.
Sequitur
October 14th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

211. Terry in Silver Spring
Eh, Terry, do you wear glasses?
Muffaroo
October 14th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Bestial watersports in BC… prostitution in Blondie… Hitler in Bizarro… tasering in Close to Home… child rape references in Doonesbury… voyeurism in Get Fuzzy… false arrest in Gasoline Alley… murder in Judge Parker… Dutch prostitution in Marmaduke… mass murder in Phantom… cannibalism in Piranha Club… something incomprehensible in Prickly City… senile housebreaking in Rex Morgan… human sacrifice reference in Speed Bump… and binocular peeping in Spider-Man… all I can say is BLORK!
Muffaroo
October 14th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Dick – “I hope my stren’th holds out!” “I hope your TAIL holds out!”

Hägar – Next, he’s going to open up a can of “Ida Know.”

Mark – “HOW DID HE STAY ALIVE?” “…Did he just keep breathing, or what? I knew I shouldn’t have dropped out of medical school before they taught us biology!”

Mary – With everyone else out of the room, Dr. Jeff sees his chance to furtively plug Scott back in.

Pluggers – A conservative-leaning cartoonist’s legacy strip gets nipped on the hiney by cuts in government service. On the bright side, this will really stick it to that damn sarcastic bird at the service counter.

Rx – Don’t make him mad, lady! When he gets mad, his head gets even bigger, and that trailer’s kind of small as it is.

Spidey – A home’s man is its castle.
hogenmogen
October 14th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

Trail:
Sideburns McPoacher knows how to conceal himself in the woods by wearing canary yellow and SHOUTING IN BOLD FACE FONT!

MW: Between panel 1, where we see the titular character, Adrian and Jeff standing watch over a faceless patient wrapped in a pink sheet, and panel 2, where we see the backs of two heads and someone who doesn’t look at all like Jeff leaving the room where Officer Scott is wrapped in a white sheet, something must have happened. I am going to guess that Mary, Jeff and Adrian went to the room of the drug dealers that Scott shot. Adrian and Jeff practice the waltz so that they can perform well while dancing on their graves when the time comes. They dance and dance until they get hungry.

Meanwhile, Scott receives three identically dressed visitors. The purple clad one has just told the brunette in white that she stole some of Scott’s morphine, and is willing to share. “Thanks.”

Pluggers plead for their lives dressed in suits? Providing an email address?

Rex:
Why doesn’t Baldy McGolfhater just call the police?
Sequitur
October 14th, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

214. Muffaroo
You forgot buying off Senators in Dilbert.
Saluki
October 14th, 2009 at 11:15 am [Reply]

You’re a plugger if your email address ends in @aol.com.
odinthor
October 14th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

Curtis — But . . . but what impelled the boss to steal the sandwich the first time, before he knew how it tasted? Does Greg stand on top of his desk every day proclaiming to the world the gastronomic merits of his lunch such that everyone in his office is drawn to it like ~~flies to~~ moths to the flame? Or is it a standard part of boss-training in Curtis-land to go taste or sniff each employee’s ~~goodies~~ food, exercising a sort of droit de seigneur?
Will
October 14th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

Pluggers: Two things. First, the branch closures aren’t moving ahead all that quickly, and the USPS isn’t just going to start throwing mail in the garbage if it’s addressed to a PO Box at a closed branch. They’ll forward it.
Second, by encouraging everyone to move to emailed suggestions, you’re accelerating the the process that is killing the Postal Service. If you want to stay true to your Luddite roots, Pluggers, you should be sending more mail, not less.
Uncle Lumpy
October 14th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

#219 odinthor –

That whole droit de seigneur bit started the day Greg brought liver.
AuntieM
October 14th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Have you ever noticed the drawing, tone, and strange similarities between Crankshaft and Funky? Why today, the two final panels are nearly identical.
Joey Chicago
October 14th, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

218 gets comment of the week. Too easy, but too damn true.

Bizarro: Any comic whose only dialogue is “It’s a picture of you guys as Hitler” is okay in my book.

Croc: I’m sorry, but there are so many things wrong here. First of all, facelifts were not available back then. Second of all, everyone in this comic looks terrible. Finally, does this make any sense? I don’t think this makes any sense.

Dick Tracy: The final panel is a masterpiece of horror. Best panel in the funnies since that snake biting the little dog in Crankshaft. There is something wrong with me.

Luann: I recently noticed something about this strip. All women have full eyes while all men just have dots for eyes. I’m not sure what point I can make of this, but at least I can finally confirm to myself that this Elwood fellow is a dude.

Pluggers: I really can’t take this announcement seriously when I’m ninety percent sure that this dog is married to a chicken or something.

Spider-Man: That little girl is touching Sandman in a very inappropriate place. How do I live with myself after I think things like that?
Calico
October 14th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

#214 – And let’s not forget Mary in Mary Worth.
TheDiva
October 14th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

DT: But if the tiger hollers, he HAS to let him go. Those are the rules!

FW: I used to do trigonometry in high school, that doesn’t mean I still can. Also, if I were Les I would be surprised if anyone were dating me, regardless of what clique they used to belong to.

Luann: That’s about as close as you can get to “if you were the last guy on earth” without using those exact words.

MW: And Dr. Jeff surreptitiously pulls the plug on his way out.

Pluggers: Plugger headquarters is still using AOL? Somehow I’m not surprised.
LUJBEM FEJF
October 14th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Spidey- I hope that little girl doesn’t kick any sand in his face or she’s gonna get a whoopin.
hogenmogen
October 14th, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Note that Baldy McSkinhead has not made overt threats to the senile couple that broke into his crib. He hasn’t even told them to leave in the awful rain. He’s questioned them about their names and what they are doing there and no doubt intends to find out where they belong so he can return them to where they can find help. In the mean time, he heats up some tea and whips up a batch of crumpets for his elderly guests. He trades an earring with the old lady, so she will have something to remember him by. Sweet, really.
StoutHearted
October 14th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

FW: “Wow, I’m going out with a jock.” Suddenly, it makes sense to Les why his sex life with Kayla has been heavy on swirlies and purple nerples.
hogenmogen
October 14th, 2009 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

#184 – Kibo – “one of the most irrational numbers ever.”

I hate those irrational numbers. There’s just no reasoning with them.
hogenmogen
October 14th, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

Curtis: There was a story line about Dilbert’s Pointy Haired Boss stealing food. The employees complained that their food was missing, and PHB said “If you’re hungry, there’s a magic refrigerator in the break room that makes new sandwiches every day.”

I can’t imagine my boss stealing my food for several days in a row, nor could I imagine sharing a good laugh over it once I discovered who the culprit was.

Boss: I couldn’t help it, they tasted soooo good!
Me: How did you know the first time?
Boss: Well…. I… You see…. I smelled… and I couldn’t resis…
Me: Yah, well, I’m smelling a stellar performance review and a 5% raise, Tuna Boy.
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
October 14th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Trudeau never lets up. Compare this strip to, say, Dick Tracy. It’s like comparing War and Peace to Dick and Jane Play in the Sandbox.
hogenmogen
October 14th, 2009 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

#225 – TheDiva: Luann:
I think what she said was “If you were the 2nd to last guy on Earth.”
Calico
October 14th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

Les would fit in rather nicely at one of those “Men’s Spiritual Retreats” where they sit in a circle in the woods, beat drums, spill their guts, and cry.

However, the rest of the guys might want to deliver their very own fists o’ justice after hearing Creepy go on for hours about his dead wife.
MolyBendum
October 14th, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

Maybe some people started going online in 1996 when aol was the big thing, and just kept their aol.com email addresses because it’d be easier than changing them. Y’know, hypothetically speaking. Those people certainly wouldn’t be Pluggers….I hope…..I’M NOT A PLUGGER.

There, that’s better. I can’t be the only asshole on here who still has an aol email address.
Saluki
October 14th, 2009 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

#223: I couldn’t believe no one else had come up with it.

Second Pluggers quip: “Damn, How am I supposed to get eighteen holes in everyday if I actually have to start writing this thing?”
Poteet
October 14th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

9CL — It’s now quite clear to me that Edda, Amos, and Mary are insane. I won’t wonder about them anymore. It’s Seth I wonder about.
Sister Sestina
October 14th, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

203, 206, 210: But we can all concede that the likelihood of a comeback for my given first name, Virginia, is close to nil.
Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
October 14th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

#235 – Saluki

Re: Pluggers

Hell, if he has to start writing his own gags, he won’t even be able to get in nine holes unless he invites three hookers up to the room.
Sister Sestina
October 14th, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

Saluki at 218: Not necessarily. I know a lot of early adopters whose email address ends with aol.com — they jumped on this internet thang way before there was much choice in service providers, and notifying every entity who has their email address on file of any change would be waaaay too much of a hassle now.
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 14th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

Curtis makes more sense when you realize that the syndicate altered the text somewhat from the original submission, which read, “He apologized, I punched him in the dick, and we shared a hearty laugh, except he mostly just made some muffled wheezing noises.”
CanuckDownSouth
October 14th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

#227-hogenmogen

I would LOVE it if Dangerous-Looking Trashy-Mouthed Guy called for help / to check with police for missing persons – and acted like a nice normal person would trying to deal with a confused elderly person who had just trespassed. Unfortunately, I think RMMD subscribes to the modern versions of “black-hatted cowboy” visual shorthand.
Chip Whittle
October 14th, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

Re #238 Calvin\’s Cardboard Box and others:

Hey, you think it’s not hard filling out these Pluggers strips? I mean, sure, Monday you can do “Pluggers are morbidly obese”, and Tuesday “Pluggers are impoverished”, then Wednesday “Pluggers are older than electric telephony”, but by Thursday you’re on to “Pluggers think socializing might lead to meeting other people with similar interests”, and Friday leaves you with “Pluggers don’t like technology that postdates Wat Tyler’s Rebellion”, and Saturday with “Pluggers don’t like people who casually toss off jokes that reference Wat Tyler’s Rebellion”, and then what you left with for Sunday other than “Pluggers still don’t understand that throwaway panel where the guy’s fondling the plunger while fish stare at him”, and then…well, OK, maybe it isn’t hard to fill out a week of Pluggers strips, but they still have to be done for some reason, possibly related to how Pluggers don’t approve of some activity that kids are doing.
One-eyed Wolfdog
October 14th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: “Until further notice, please, please, for god’s sake just keep your moronic, illegible, badly-spelled anecdotes to yourself instead of broadcasting them like some sort of feeble SOS from the bridge of the good ship Lollyfail. Thank you.”
Victor Prime, the Ghost-Who-Waddles
October 14th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Garfield: Garfield. Call. The. Police.
Gary D
October 14th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

The third panels in both Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean are essentially identical, though the word balloon in each makes far better sense in the other.
UncleJeff
October 14th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: True Pluggers use Western Union or their ham radios.
Doonesbury: Does this mean the end of Boopsie’s relationship with Hollywood?

And if today’s comics have bummed you out…go to Salon.com and check out the latest edition of Keith Knight’s “Life’s Little Victories”. Yes!
Dr. Weird
October 14th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Garfield

Now it looks like Jim Davis is striking out against the “Garfield Minus Garfield” people, making a strip in which Jon is the most offensive thing in each panel!
Barny-Boo
October 14th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Look at the last panel of today’s Crankshaft. Now the last panel of Funky. Now ‘Shaft. Now Funky. AH! AH! COULD IT BE THE THE SAME PUN-SPINNING NECROPHILE IS HAVING HIS WAY WITH MORE THAN ONE OF THE COMICS I GO TO WHEN I WONDER “WHO ELSE HATES THE PAIN AND CONSTANT STRIFE OF LIVING?”
Poteet
October 14th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

# 239 Sister — Thank you for making me feel better. I was no early adopter *pauses for hearty laugh at the thought* but I really, really don’t want to go through the hassle of changing my address. If that means some people picture me with a dog’s head and a belly the size of Alaska, so be it.
AeroSquid
October 14th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Garfield: “Lets’ look in her purse !”

“You’ll be sorry, Jon.”

“Look ! Cotton sticks !”

“Yeah. Please don’t stick them in your nostrils and say koo-koo-ka-choo.”

“Koo-koo-ka-choo ! Hey, Alka-Seltzers !”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve never heard of ‘MAGNUM X-Treme’ Alka-Seltzers’.”

*smirk*

“Ooooo. Garlfield ! I think Liz a cop !”

“Yeah. Fuzzy handcuffs are standard issue. So are the Pok’e-Me ™ edible anime panties.”

“Bleah ! These taste terrible ! Hand me one of those Alka-Seltzers !”

*smirk*

“BLEAH !”
Poteet
October 14th, 2009 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

D’bury — You’ve come a long way, Boopsie. And you’ve been likeable through all of it. You’re the opposite of Crankshaft, who never gets anywhere and is always a dickweed.

MT — The magical thing about MT is that no matter how stupid the plot is already, it can always find a way to get stupider. Now I’m waiting for Poacher Numero Uno to stroll over and say “Hi! Remember me? I clonked you on the head the other day!”
Sequitur
October 14th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

In today’s JUMBLE, one of the jumbled words is D-I-M-F-O-Y. I notice that it spells FIDOMY. I think that has something to do with dogs or dog Pluggers but I’m not sure I want to know.
Poteet
October 14th, 2009 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

FW — I don’t know why Batiuk doesn’t branch out into heart disease. Seems to me that a sudden fatal heart attack, or some other variant of the problem, would fit right into his basic “in the midst of life, we are in death” theme.
Wazmo
October 14th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

BB 10/13: Since when does Miss Buxley have white hair?
Darkefang
October 14th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

MT: I don’t blame Yellowshirt McSideburns for his confusion. They left an unconscious man lying in the swamp. They didn’t tie him up or otherwise do anything to prevent his wandering off upon regaining consciousness. They had a vague notion about an alligator wandering by and eating him. How could Mark have possibly survived?

MW: Dr. Jeff appears less distraught over Scott’s mortal injuries than he is depressed at the realization that whatever homoerotic fantasy he’s concocted about Scott and himself is never coming to pass.

Or maybe I’ve just spent too much time reading Rex Morgan…

RMMD: Trust me, punk rocker: The readers all empathize with you at this point. Consider yourself lucky, though. You’ve only just stumbled into this story. The rest of us have been reading it for a couple months now.
Saluki
October 14th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

252: I think you modified that word.
Carrie ForthWorth
October 14th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

#141 commodorejohn – if they do sacrifice, let’s hope it’s Tom Batiuk.

#188 Susan – I call it Family Circus in my head too – much closer to the mark!

#192 Mela – you summed up my reaction exactly.

#253 Poteet – don’t put ideas in the man’s head …
Mr. Schprock
October 14th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

GABRIELLA: Good morning, Aristotle. Don’t these mangoes look beautiful?

ARISTOTLE: They do indeed, but you’re blocking them with the fruit.
mr 12 oz can
October 14th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

hey if you have ever read spiderman comics you would know that guys whose crib the seniles invaded is THE VULTURE.. im surprised no has commented on mondays mark trail when mr sideburns he never heard of there being good fishing in the swamp but yet he owns a boat. dr jeff should have a idea balloon above his head . MAYBE IF I LEAVE MY GREEN DINNER JACKET WITH SCOTT HE WILL REWARD ME WITH PICS OF HIS PAPPY WHEN HE WAKES UP.
Al Eluia
October 14th, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

I thought Plato was supposed to be a genius. Turns out he’s just a human calculator, aka an idiot savant. Paging Rain Man!
Carly
October 14th, 2009 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

I’m enjoying imagining quotes around half the words in today’s A3G.

Gabriella: Don’t these “mangoes” look beautiful?
Aristotle: They do, but they don’t hold a “candle” to your “smile.”
Gabriella: Stop, you’re making me “blush.”
Nerowolfgal
October 14th, 2009 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

My God! I just found the food source for Family Circle…………….

http://www.scripturecandy.com/store/

Funny yet deeply terrifying.
un_malpaso
October 15th, 2009 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

The He-Plugger is just sizing up his wife, deciding whether there will be enough supplies for both of them in their basement End-Times shelter. I think he’s leaning toward classifying her as “high-calorie provisions” instead.

Oh, and I am definitely getting an elderly Sean Connery vibe from Papagoras. Maybe he and Ian from MW can room together for a spinoff strip, “Two Old Farts and a Love-Nest.”
Brave Little Toaster
October 15th, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

Beetle Bailey

It’s too bad Beetle’s got a little too interested in matters above his pay grade, though, because now Plato’s going to have to beat him to death with a broom.

Yeah, right after he cornholes him with that mop.
Tabby Lavalamp
October 18th, 2009 at 4:03 am [Reply]

Nothing against nurses who have a demanding and necessary job, but really? “Future Nurses chapter” at the local high school? I thought FW jumped forward in time, not back to an era when nurse was the highest station women could or should aspire to in medicine.

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