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Over the LoFo rainbow

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/7/10

Fractured narratives that jump back and forth in time might have once been the province of snooty intellectuals and their avant garde literature and art films, but linear storytelling has become so passé that it now bores even the least discriminating of media consumers (i.e., Snuffy Smith aficionados). In today’s installment of this suddenly experimental strip, we begin with Elviney’s crumpled, distraught face, then immediately jump to her looking chipper and so eager to trade sordid tales about her friends that her tongue literally dangles from her mouth. What emotional devastation resulted in that grim visage in the first panel? Was this her past, or her future? Only at the strip’s conclusion do we come full circle to the beginning of the story, as the inveterate gossip gets her cruel comeuppance.

Judge Parker, 3/7/10

Judge Parker might have wrapped up its Bernie Madoff-ish plotline in painfully unsatisfying fashion last week, but there was still one detail left to attend to: namely, that none of the smug, irritating rich pretty people who rule the strip had been personally enriched by the action yet. And so, just as Dixie Julep’s death inevitably led to a pointlessly large advance for Judge Parker Senior’s dumb book, so now will Sam be handed a $100,000 check for his hard work violating as many bar association rules as he could think of. Sam is of course married to the richest woman in the state, and has no need for piddling six-digit sums; he will presumably cash the check and ask for the money in $1 bills, which he’ll then feed to one of Spencer Farms’ pretty, pretty horses.

Mark Trail, 3/7/10

This is obviously the greatest death-and-destruction-themed Mark Trail since the world-famous tsunami episode of 2005. Particularly impressive is how calm and manful Mark looks in panel three as Lost Forest is blanketed by a terrifying death cloud. “Rusty, there’s absolutely no need to to panic, but we’ll probably want to get into the Survival Chamber I dug out by hand underneath our cabin! Oh, and be sure to grab your transistor radio, so we can groove to the smooth sounds of NOAA weather reports all night long.” His sang-froid is all the more impressive when we see the hellscape the tornado has unleashed on the area in the final panel, with cars and cows flying hilariously through the air and wide-eyed squirrels skittering about in doomed panic.

One odd thing that jumps about at me about this strip, however, is the text in the first panel and at the bottom left of the bottom panel. It’s in Times New Roman or something, rather than in the meticulous hand of Jack Elrod. It’s the same thing that was done in the more information about licorice strip, and I have pretty much come to the same conclusion about it: that whatever Jack Elrod wrote there was too incendiary for America’s comics pages, and had to be replaced by some bland, inoffensive weather facts at the last minute. I’m thinking that the first-panel box originally read “Tornadoes are the wrathful fingers of God wreaking destruction on the Earth,” and the other box was an extended discursis about how a tornado can rip a beard right off of a man’s face.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/7/10

I admit that Rex Morgan hasn’t been all that engaging to me for a while now, but that all changed the moment this high-stakes Sarah-Toots negotiation began. My little joke about Sarah as a cruel monster came true more or less immediately, with hilarious results. And with Brooke, who never really seemed to care much for our stripey-shirted skateboarding bon vivant anyway, preparing to flee Chez Morgan in tears, Toots will have lost his only nominal ally, leaving him entirely at Sarah’s mercy. Look for him to spend the next two to five years living in the Morgans’ basement, with Sarah bringing down just enough food to keep him alive so that he can amuse her with his wacky hipster antics/pleas for mercy.

Slylock Fox, 3/7/10

I note today’s main Slylock mystery only to point out that it’s a sad sort of semi-aquatic rodent that has managed to go through life wholly unacquainted with the concept of “tides.” More interesting to me is the Six Differences puzzle, and the look of grim anxiety on the barber’s face. It’s as if this gentlemen has, for reasons of his own, been lying to everyone for a while about being a hairdresser, and now someone has finally called him on it and asked for a haircut; he can’t back out, but, as he approaches the young man, scissors in one hand and comb in the other and panic in his eyes, it’s becoming increasingly clear that he has no idea whatsoever what he’s doing. Anyway, I wouldn’t worry about it too much, friend; if the young dude’s current hair-blob is any indication, he has little or no interest in aesthetically pleasing grooming.

207 responses to “Over the LoFo rainbow”

  1. Mr.Death
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Which melting snowman is different from the others? #3, as it graciously welcomes the sweet embrace of death.

  2. action_kate
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe you didn’t comment on the devastating tragedy which is Sunday’s “Beetle Bailey.” The poor soldier cowering in the cave, desperately hoping to avoid being sent back into the sausage grinder of the front lines, SINCE THE VIETNAM WAR? That ranks up there with Funky Winkerbean’s “Deathy McCancerson, PTSD” plots.

  3. seismic-2
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Aw, shoot. I thought Slylock’s instruction in how to draw an unwelcome visitor would show us how to produce that magnificent second panel in the strip immediately above it.

  4. Hank
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    When did Francis Ford Coppola start writing Beetle Bailey?

  5. doug rogers
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Shylock Fox: How to draw an unwelcome visitor: I expected Rat from Pearls to show up in the last panel.

  6. mustang
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    MT: Danger signs to look for are greenish clouds, as well as flying cows, SUVs and sporty convertibles.

  7. cj
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Sam Driver:
    Sir, Sam gave you your money back. You’re still in prison. No one would call that “getting my life back”.

    Fox:
    Sure, loud, annoying protagonist Uzumaki Naruto intentionally looks like a fox, but that doesn’t explain the presence of his likeness here. I am forced to accept that actual demonic forces explain a child liking a Japanese cartoon AND paying any amount of attention to Slylock Fox.

  8. StriderGirl
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    Re: Josh’s commentary on Slylock Fox.

    “I never wanted to be a barber anyway… I wanted to be a lumberjack!”

  9. Lou Shumaker
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    But what did Elviney do to cause so much malicious, juicy gossip? In her granny glasses and sensible black dress, she doesn’t fit the stereotypical Lustful Siren seducing outsiders / family members (see “Tobacco Road,” Faulkner’s works, et al). I’m betting that the FDA discovered that the secret ingredient in her sausage was the ground-up remains of sweet, flavorful, flatland touristers.

  10. Mr. Majestyk
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    I find it offensive that Elrod takes for granted that all of his readers live in mobile homes. I don’t know about you, but my home hasn’t been mobile since the tires rotted off back in ’98.

  11. Bryan
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Majestyk (#10): Mr. Majestyk

    Did you ever get that melon farm working and get the mob off your back?

  12. Soul Paavo
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    JP: So they finally imprisoned J. Jonah Jameson, huh.

  13. dale
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    Sly

    Maybe the barber would rather be a lumberjack.

    ** I started typing this when there were only 7 comments showing.

  14. Patrick
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    I, for one, am pleased to see that June’s transformation into a superhero is almost complete. She’s now red from any angle! She can decapitate a grown man with nothing but a word balloon!

  15. ElkMeadow
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    How can I get a broadcast about a tornado if my radio/television are turned off? Especially if I’m sound asleep and in another room?

    I’m guessing that “siren” would have been a better word.

  16. Mr. Majestyk
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Bryan (#11): Of course. As you probably guessed, I am one badass melonfarmer.

  17. Lawyerbob
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    MT: The heron and the two squirrels sure are ecstatic to witness the destruction of their human tormentors.

  18. KarMann
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    As a “service” (???) to all you fans of Groovy Blinkerlegume, here’s the lyrics to what’s being sung in the wedding picture, since I know I couldn’t read them worth a damn until I got the dead-tree version.

    You break down, I’ll drive out and find you.
    If you forget my love, I’ll try to remind you,
    And stay by you when it don’t come easy.

    Narm-tastic, isn’t it? You’re all welcome.

  19. Zla'od
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    In all probability, the original caption read thus:

    “The low pressure with a tornado causes buildings to explode. Windows should be opened before a tornado approaches to equalize pressure.”

  20. B. Racoon
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Today I found myself in a situation that is unusual. I was all caught up with work with nothing to do. So I decided to turn on the television, sit down and channel surf.
    As I was surfing along, a somewhat suspencful movie caught my eye. The character on the screen looked remarkably like Professor Papagoras. I pressed the information button and found that the title of the move was Dark Tower and it was about half way over.
    The “Professor” was in his office pouring over large tome on his desk when a woman hovered at his door.
    The “Professor” invites this blonde, attractive, middle-aged, somewhat petite lady into his office. He offers her a glass of wine. She accepts and he pours her a glass of red wine out of an ancient carafe.
    As they are speaking the “Professor” suddenly asks the lady if she is married. She answers “No.” She then holds up the class of wine and adds, “I prefer this.”
    I sat there mouth agape wondering when Bourbon Babe had made a movie.

  21. B. Racoon
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    I guess that was a “classy” “glass” of wine. Yet again, a Racoon boo-boo.

  22. Rusty
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    JP: I find it strange that Mr. Prisoner has a check book in prison, where the barter system is the accepted mode of paying debts. Sam should have held out for $100,000 worth of cigarettes and/or blowjobs.

  23. BigTed
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    The funniest thing about today’s “Mark Trail” is that Mark seems to assume his readers all live in mobile homes in some tornado zone or another, which actually seems just about right.

  24. KarMann
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @B. Racoon (#20): Pet peeve alert: Unless the classy glass of wine was heavily involved, he was probably poring over the book, not pouring over it.
    And now you (all) know.

  25. Poor Thompson
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    My eyes may be decieving me, but it looks like there is someone sitting in that airborne convertible, and with the top down, no less. I admire that guy’s attitude. It’s like he’s saying “Well, this powerful force of nature may be about to spin me around and throw me to my doom, but by golly I’m going to enjoy the view while it happens.”

  26. Indichik
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#3): That panel is definitely going to give me nightmares about the Devil walking among Rex Morgan’s basement.

  27. Poor Thompson
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    And I’ll bet he has the radio on, too. As for the driver of the SUV, that’s just Mark coming home from work.

  28. B. Racoon
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#24): But of course. I’ve had a bit of red wine myself. Thank you, KarMann.

  29. BigTed
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    If Toots thought there’d be trouble with the Morgans just because Brook allowed a friend in the house, imagine what they’ll do when they discover he’s been hanging out in the basement with their young daughter, offering gifts in exchange for her silence. However this plays out, there’s likely to be one less hepcat drinking Red Rock at the next poetry slam.

  30. Poor Thompson
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail didn’t tell me what I’ve always wanted to know about tornados: what would happen if you launched a missile at one? Would it stop the tornado, or just spin off in another direction and hit the ground, causing more destruction? Way to let me down, Elrod. Here’s hoping they’ll answer my question on Mythbusters

  31. Nekrotzar
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m confused by Slylock Fox. In the ‘How to draw an unwelcome visitor,’ the result doesn’t look anything like Brooke.

  32. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#17): I think the bird is actually supposed to be a pileated woodpecker. But I’d prefer to think it’s the very last ivory-billed woodpecker, thinking “Shit, I made it all the way to 2010 and now I’m going to go extinct because of this?!”

  33. Andy L
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure that it’s fair to expect a beaver to be familiar with ocean tides.

  34. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    FC: Today Billy either sings a lyric from a relatively recent internet sensation (not likely due to the seeming 2 decade lead time on this strip) or – more likely – has composed an ode to the whereabouts of his trousers when he does one of his famous bare-assed strolls through the Kompound.

  35. wossname
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    I agree with those who think the squirrels and the woodpecker are chortling with glee over the car-tossing tornado. But there’s an important issue that I didn’t notice until Josh posted the giant-size comic for the blind: Who is that handsome lad in panel 3 whom Mark is addressing as Rusty? He’s not misshapen, he’s not gaptoothed, he’s doesn’t look like a slow-witted homunculus – this is not the Rusty we know!

  36. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#18): Arrrgh. Um, thanks. I must reluctantly salute Batiuk. I had assumed the lyrics were something along the line of “Time in a Bottle” or “We’ve Only Just Begun,” meaning some sappy wedding song suitable to the era when the nuptials took place. Instead, the lyrics are weird, dark, and depressing, entirely suited to the context. I suppose that next, the bride and groom exchanged antidepressants.

  37. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — “Oh, right, but remember, Mr. Toots…it’s MINE! Along with your ass!”

  38. Bob Weber Jr.
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @ cj (#7) I forgive the kid for liking a Japanese cartoon.

  39. Bizarro Stormy
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail seems to have forgotten the ultimate tornado survival tip: avoid Helen Hunt.

  40. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Monday Spoilers –

    LUANN — In which we learn that the opening of this wretched musical will be more elaborate than that of GONE WITH THE WIND. Apparently the very serious school funding problems that afflict so much of the nation have merrily skipped right over the Luanniverse.

    ReFoob — In which we learn that the Connie-Phil-Poor-Elly-In-The-Middle Thing is still going on. Inexplicably.

  41. KarMann
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#36): What jumped out at me is that those lyrics are uncannily precisely describing just what Becky didn’t do. Almost as if they knew what was coming. Gee, it sure takes WRITING talent to foreshadow the past in a flashback, doesn’t it?

  42. Andy L
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Hey, what happened to that Reality TV story line that Apartment 3-G so carefully set up back in November? Did I fall asleep for a few months or did they completely drop that in favor of this tepid adultery story?

  43. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    SLYLOCK — I’m kind of taken with the melting snowman’s nose. I’m not sure how one gets a carrot to look like that, but it’s interesting.

  44. Andy L
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Hey, who told the Mark Trail artists they were allowed to draw animals? More tracing, mule!

  45. Muffaroo
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    And I say the strip’s art would benefit more from precision, machine-made shading screens.

    More Zip-a-tone, mule!

  46. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @Bob Weber Jr. (#38): anime, darnit!

    could be far worse, as anime goes. Naruto does have its moments. “Believe it!”

  47. Dr. Weird
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#46):

    Oh, yes indeed. And some of the ladies in Naruto such as Lady Tsunade and her open gi or Anko and her all-fishnet top would make people forget about the buxom cast of Judge Parker.

  48. Mibbitmaker
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    SFx begs for a parody of the tail/front end of the 12 Days of Christmas, even though today is no day of Christmas whatsoever:

    Four melting snowmen
    Three mice on rocks
    Two barber scenes
    And a draw-ing by Ms. Po-sey

  49. Digger
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Why do I get the feeling that Toots’ kneecaps will soon be in a jar beside Sarah’s bed?

    MT: I love the third panel, where Andy is clearly the only one who has spotted the giant-ass funnel cloud headed towards them. Mark and Rusty are too busy standing around talking about weather reports to notice. I will admit that the gray streaks in their hair make them look very distinguished.

  50. commodorejohn
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#46): Naruto is one of those things where, though it may have some actual merit, I can’t bring myself to give it a chance because I dread the possibility of being taken for a member of its absolutely fruit-loopy fanbase. Like Pluggers.

  51. Ed Dravecky
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Hey Elly, even if the Ontario Ministry of Children and Youth Services believes your “left toddler alone in kitchen to play with sharp objects” story, you’re still a woefully negligent parent whose husband will eventually leave her.

    Gasoline Alley: I know that Scancarelli must have a deal with the Devil to keep this strip in so many papers but depicting God as a rifle-toting sentry while showing the Serpent in the Garden of Eden laughing at Adam is really tipping his hand. (The parrot represents…what, Scientology?)

    Beetle Bailey: At the rate characters age at Camp Swampy, this cave-dweller must be a deserter from the 12 Lords Rebellion fought in Vietnam from 966 to 968 A.D. over succession issues after the death of King Ngô Quy?n.

    June Morgan, P.I.: I have to admire Sarah for shaking down a desperate stranger, Toots for realizing the skateboard would only lead to his discovery, June for glowing cherry red with righteous indignation, Brook for leaving with Toots still in the basement, and Rex for placing a sweater-clad wax figure of himself at the table to scare off future intruders.

    Spider-Man: A New Yorker in south Florida during the winter? Yes, Peter Parker, that’s so rare that anybody seeing Spider-Man in Miami will instantly make the connection and your secret will be revealed.

  52. Fying Manatee
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Take cover”, my ass. I have wanted to see a (possibly) extinct Ivory Billed Woodpecker my whole life. And there he is, the elusive “Holy Grail Bird”, at the left side of the bottom panel, coming out to observe as nature gets even with the human development that drove the Ivory Billed Woodpecker to the brink of extinction.

  53. McManx
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    M Trail — I don’t know what is more unnerving about today’s segment, the terrified looks on the squirrels faces or the flying cow above Mark’s log cabin.

    Slylock — Which is the unwelcome visitor — The malaria filled mosquito or the plague carrying rodent? I’m not sure both are on the CDC’s top-ten pestilence list.

  54. cj
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    I would like to issue a statement/ clarification:
    I was in no way disparaging wholesale cartoons of Japanese manufacture (even ones that use cheap Korean animation). The particular show is average as they go, and I am a fan of the plot-related episodes of the later series. What boggles the mind is that a kid can watch it on cable, yet somehow be interested in the lame “puzzles” of Slylock Fox & gang.

    in other news, Wossname 35 – oh god that got me hahahaha

  55. Crankenstank
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Why do I sense an impending Judge Parker crossover appearance into Rex Morgan?

  56. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#47): my two favorite things about Naruto: Hinata.

  57. cj
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#55): Sam is posing as a “lawyer”, yet breaks dozens of laws. Rex is a doctor, but refuses to be involved in helping almost anyone. They’re made for each other.

  58. Melch Melch
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    I can’t wait for the day that Rex finds out that Sarah is keeping a penniless young man in the basement in exchange for the use of his “skateboard”. The good doctor will be, for the first time, truly proud of his little girl.

  59. Dr. Weird
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#50):

    In these days of Twilight, I don’t think you have to worry about being shunned as a Naruto fan…

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#56):

    Mmm, yes, Hinata! She developed quite nicely… just didn’t want to use her as an example in case someone looked up a pic of her early days.

    Now, the question is who will have “Narutoad” appear first, Slylock Fox or My Cage?

  60. Thomas B.
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    MT

    The large panel looks like something out of War of the Worlds. I love the squirrels “Oh crap” look as he notices the airborne cow in the distance. I’m sure that old lady from SpiderMan had the same expression when she was flashed by the Guardian Angel.

  61. Thomas B.
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Thomas B. (#60): ooops. forgot to

  62. Toby Bartels
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    It is my sad duty to report that the punchline for today’s Classic Sunday Peanuts from 1963 is a direct rip-off of a Peanuts from 1958 (November 7). Charles Schultz should be ashamed of himself if he weren’t rolling over in his grave right now.

  63. Red Greenback
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    MT: Now That’s what I call driving rain and churning clouds! I’ll… just go back to the corner now.

  64. Buck Ripsnort
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    SlyFox: Uh, before I called in a detective, I’d do something wacky like pull on the tugboat line. But I’m nowhere near as smart as a beaver.

  65. quirk
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised by the sexual innuendo in the second panel of Barney Google. I’m even more surprised that I’m slightly aroused by it.

  66. Sharona
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Obviously the first panel is Elviney’s O face. Hence the juicy gossip.

  67. Rusty
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Sunday FW: Anybody think Batiuk contemplated, even for a moment, showing Becky and Wally’s wedding vows from the opposite view so her empty sleeve wouldn’t be dangling in view? Me neither.

  68. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @B. Racoon (#20): Ah, my dear B. Racoon, I have activities that even you are not aware of!

    @Andy L (#42): I believe that both Tommie and Ruby received makeovers. (Can’t you tell?) And now their lives have taken off in new, exciting, adventurous directions that would make one quiver with jealousy at the glory of their existences—if only, you know, the strip ever showed any of that.

    I’m still waiting to see Lyle.

    @Ed Dravecky (#51): re: SM—Yeah, what amused me was the implication that people a) would know that Peter Parker is in Miami and b) would give a crap.

  69. spacemika
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    As a master in (natural) disasters, I immediately recognized the source of the editorial-coverup in Mark Trail — they pasted in only 2 out of 3 debunked myths from the NOAA site. If only Elrod had been a bit more wordy in his censored speech, we would’ve been treated to the classically ominous, “No place is safe from tornadoes.”

  70. Lame Caulfield
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    JP: “I’d be honored if you took the money. And this little man who has been crashing inside the check would be honored if you would give him a lift back to Lilliput.”

  71. Dr. Weird
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#67):

    If he did that, there might be confusion about who he was wedding. “Is he picturing marrying Summer in the future?!”

  72. Mooncattie
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    SF – I guess that’s how I’d behave all day, every day, if I had been named Billy Beaver.

    MT – It’s nice of E.H. Shepard to contribute a sketch of Kanga (or Baby Roo) to the general mayhem. There never were enough disasters in the Hundred Acre Wood to suit me!

    PV – Poor Sir Trollenberg. Still, he could honestly lend his name to a fine lager since he ended up being bottom-fermented.

    FW – I find that adding a Sad Trombone makes all Funky Winkerbean strips funnier.

  73. Rusty
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    I think it is more “Wally can never forget the maiming he caused.”

  74. bunivasal
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    Those squirrels aren’t terrified. “Finally!” cries the first squirrel “Mother Nature has risen to strike them humans down! Go for, Tipper, tell our squirrel brothers! The battle is finally joined!”

  75. KT
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    The Sarah says:

    “Just remember, Mr. Toots, your skateboard is MINE. And by skateboard, I mean SKATEBOARD… and ASS.”

  76. Isaac
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman: “Gee, she kind of reminded me of Aunt May! Probably because the artist can only draw one kind of old woman!”

  77. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @KT (#75): See # 37:-).

  78. 150
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    Whoa! Sarah’s demands startled Toots so much that he grew pupils!

  79. B. Racoon
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#68): Ah, sweet mystery of life at last I found you.

  80. Christi
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Hey! I live in Tornado Alley! How come I never get to take a relaxing car ride into the angry heavens?! It… it’s because of my mobile home, isn’t it?

  81. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    I’d go easy on the beavers. (Stop that.) They’re mostly freshwater animals, so it’s entirely conceivable they don’t know nothin’ about no tides.

  82. Walker of Dog
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#67): Reverse angles are for NFL replays and little children. If you can’t take in the brutalizing pain as fast as FW pumps it out, any of the damned souls in this comic will be happy to slice you a second mouth. Wait…too dark?

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    I didn’t think that I’d ever be able to say that I had one degree of separation to an Oscar winner, but I do now.

  84. ElkMeadow
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#81):

    Speaking as an Oregon Duck, there’s no reason to go easy on the Beavers.

  85. Walker of Dog
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    S-M: I see that long-suffering readers aren’t the only ones who’ve had enough of the Pantless Angel. Note to illustrator: you can draw all the bare-ass Peter you want to, but we will put our faith in the comics’ newest champion: The Discreet Colorist.

    MT: These Sunday illustrated lessons are so educational. I had no idea that tornadoes are caused by rural construction and the flying cow (Draco bovini). Remember, Faux-Rusty: in the right conditions, all homes are mobile homes.

    A3G: Bobbie is talking the outraged-lunatic talk, but look at her face – her heart is clearly not in this tirade. This would be a good time to sit her on the bench, so she can refocus, get her second wind, and bring her A-crazy to the final showdown with the IRS (mood-altering pharmaceuticals optional but encouraged).

    MW: Wait – check out Wilbur’s introspective gaze in that last panel: has the hamster that turns the social-cognition wheel in Wilbur’s brain finally gotten off its ass? Does Wilbur finally recognize that he has been the unwitting subject of Dawn’s junior-meddler training exercise? Or, perhaps he heard the distinctive sound of a loaf of sliced bread being removed from its wrapper? His combover crouches intently as the anticipation builds…

  86. Rusty
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#82): That’s too immediate and violent for these characters. More likely they would come over and smirk at bad puns until my ears bleed.

  87. Hi There
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    FW: That shrill noise you hear? That’s the sound of ‘Funky Winkerbean’ shifting gears. After spending a couple of weeks wallowing in Wally’s crapulence, we move on to another wacky scene in Montoni’s. A crazy guy quotes from one of the lesser Star Wars films, a sign that Backache is about to start a new story line. Perhaps Wally will be involved – maybe he gets to date Susie, the only woman dumb enough to obsess over Les. Or maybe Zombie Lisa will make a comeback. First she’ll tell Wally it’s okay to smell like two weeks worth of b.o. After all – she’s a ZOMBIE! Then she’ll suggest that he carry an axe around with him, just for protection. Or maybe Wally will show up for a shift of smirk and banter with the crazy guy, who’s apparently a mailman. Anything — just so long that the pimple that is Wally’s morbid life has finally been popped and we can move on to a new day in Funkytown.

  88. ElkMeadow
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#40): Apparently the very serious school funding problems that afflict so much of the nation have merrily skipped right over the Luanniverse.

    Other schools also have Drama Clubs and their queens, who have been paying their dues for years to get the leads, auditions, costumers (plural), directors who try to get everyone who wants to be on-stage on the stage , and more than five students (not counting the three dancers) and one teacher involved in the production. (WHY didn’t Gunther just say, “I don’t need this crap,” when he was pulled out of the production to sew dresses.)

    At another site that’s discussing this, the funding question came up–the answer? Elviswood is in the building, fronting the money. Makes more sense than anything else is this Mary Sue universe.

    I don’t know which is less “real”, this story arc or the one going on at 9CWL.

  89. ElkMeadow
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Man, sorry about not getting the strike right. My preview isn’t working right (wrong browser) (tried again)

    Elviswood is in the building, fronting the money. Makes more sense than anything else is this Mary Sue universe.

    I don’t know which is less “real”, this story arc or the one going on at 9CWL.

  90. Poteet
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#88): Thank you. It was positively therapeutic to read your comment.

  91. Poteet
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    3/8

    MT — “Interesting,” my hiney. You big liar.

    FC — My eyes! My eyes!

  92. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Another Academy Awards with me on the couch, in boxers, watching from home instead of being the arm candy of a recipient or, better, the honoree. As in years before, I already have my speech:

    “There are many people who believe that I’m standing here tonight because of them. But the real people who put me here would never imagine my gratitude for all of their work to bring me here. Marigail Roberts, my 7th grade English teacher? You once referred to me as worthless and that I would never amount to anything. I’m standing on this stage and the only reason anyone knows your name is because I said it. So thank you, Mrs. Roberts, for inspiring me to excel at life. I hope Satan has a television so that you can watch this.”

  93. NoahSnark
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    A one percent payout on a ten million dollar claim? Sam’s isn’t smiling because he is happy – he is smiling because he knows an inmate who is willing to violate his cheapskate client for $10 a pop.

  94. dale
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#64):
    The toy tugboat is tied to the piling, not a cleat on the pier deck. The whole thing is submerged. I still think Max stole it (me, y140).

  95. Portia
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    Hey, Mark Trail, no need to go all classist on your base and highlight the fact that they live in mobile homes. It’s an RV, dammit!

  96. Dr. Shrinker
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Some wonderful comments on Oscar night, but to me the big question remains: What the HELL is different about melting snowman #3???

  97. Ed Dravecky
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    @Dr. Shrinker (#96): There is a dip in the snow directly above the thumb in the other three pics that’s absent from #3. Yes, I burned 8 solid minutes of stare-time to figure this out.

  98. HB Glord
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    @cj (#54): Tread lightly within the presence of the man who gave creation to Cassandra Cat.

  99. KarMann
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#97): Dr. Shrinker and I thank you. I think.

  100. Dr. Shrinker
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    Thanks so much! I guess I should be glad I struggle so much with this thing…I swear the strip could be used as a screening device for OCD!

  101. Nomi
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    3/8/2010

    Family Circus: Years later, a therapist would pinpoint the Birthday Suit Incident as the exact moment when Jeffy’s innocence crumbled and a lifetime of shame and self-loathing began.

  102. bats :[
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh, ye of little faith! Portage, Mark! Portage! Mark laughs (HAH!) at the Boom Bam Rapids!

  103. Steve the Pocket
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: NEWSPAPERS. Also since when do they only print the full story in the print version? For that matter, since when do they actually print the full story in the print version? I must be reading the wrong newspapers and web sites.

    Prickly City: Is it just me, or did this feature become a lot less scribbly over a pretty short time just recently?

    Wizard of Id: Oh, quit yer bitchin’; those mountains look like twice as tall as any one of you, tops.

  104. Jason1981
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    3/8

    RMMD: Um, Brooke..you let a guy named “Toots” into your cousin’s house, AFTER you told him you were in enough trouble already. Your mom must be pretty effing stupid if you’re smarter than her.

    reFOOB: “After all, you might need that lying skill if you ever decide to move from this house to a smaller one down the street! ”

    Curtis: Well, at least he’s not stinking up the apartment with smoking again.

    MC: I wanna see him leave the house with the shovel the OTHER way. :-)

    S-M: “Well, the rest of us will just think of him as some moron who couldn’t even chose a decent costume. Where’d he get that from, anyway? Some stupid costume shop where he just chose the closest thing available?”

    PBS: Wow, the croc actually seems smarter than the real Spidey.

  105. Mordock999
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 03/08/2010

    No, Nancy what Frank’s saying is this:

    Your current dresses are CRAP, but You have his permission to buy a new one at the cheapest damned place in town, accompanied by your son’s girlfriend whom you DESPISE with EVERY pixel of your pointless, two-dimensional existence.
    So have FUN, you two, and may the the best woman WIN.

    Oh, and bring back a racing form…,

    ___________________

    DEATH to TJ!!!

  106. Mibbitmaker
    March 8th, 2010 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    Monday:

    A3G: “How else can I keep acting all suspicious, creeping around and being inscrutable even in my own mind anymore NOW?? Divorce. Hah, some lawyer emeritus of the Actor’s Studio YOU turned out to be!”

    BBailey: Sarge Snorkle is Jesus?!? NOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Blondie: You know what to do, Brutu– uh, Dagwood….

    Cleats: The second thing was modern-day Dick Tracy.

    Cranky: Leave it to Batiuk to even ruin strawberries!

    NS: Fuck you, you male Phyllis Schlafly. Why don’t you just lop it off and get it over with?

    FC: “That is NOT a good reason to want to come outta there all over again, Jeffy!”

    ReFOOB: She’s not lying. Her brother’s judgment really is that bad.

    FW: Today’s strip was preceded by:
    “Hey, Funky! Let’s only realize now that Wally is deeply troubled over the life-altering hell he went through after waaaaay too long — then let’s trivialize the whole thing!”
    “great idea, Crazy! Let’s do it.”

    GF: Oops, there goes the chandelier!

    SFx: All together now: IT WAS SHEMP!

  107. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 8th, 2010 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    Pluggers— You know you’re a Plugger when you can’t spell “calendar”.

  108. lostsyn
    March 8th, 2010 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    Friday it seemed that Marmaduke had won the Battle of Armageddon and had taken over the powers of heaven for his own demonic purposes. Now in Beetle Bailey we find that the spiritual order has indeed been turned upside down and the damned can now walk on water.

  109. Donkey Hotey
    March 8th, 2010 at 4:28 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#84): As a Washington Husky, I second that.

  110. nomuse
    March 8th, 2010 at 5:08 am [Reply]

    So, in the Slylock Fox universe, there’s no need for tide tables? The tides happen at the same time every day?

  111. Lucky
    March 8th, 2010 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Archie – I bet Dean Booth is changing the dialogue as we speak.

    Family Circus – Okay, I actually laughed. I also wonder if real-life Jeffy’s exhibitionist phase is still going and this strip is actually a cry for help.

    Heathcliff – Eww. Scat party.

    Marvin – Is it still too early for Michael Jackson jokes?

  112. Little Guy
    March 8th, 2010 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    ySFx: Okay, I’m still going over the puzzle in my mind, and even with the high tide, there should be slack to bring it up, unless the toy boat is full of lead.

    yLio: Wonderful crossover.

    yPBS: Awk Awk Awk! Bodacious!

    yPV: Holy Baretto, Batman! Nekkid Nymph!

    Blondie: Sadly, it should have made sense after all these years.

    RMMD: Brook should tell June that she is lying, and watch her head smoke and short out. It worked in Original Trek.

  113. professor fate
    March 8th, 2010 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    FW: “Well it turns out that 10 years of captivity and coming home to be ignored by everybody in the town really had a bad effect on Wally.”
    “Golly gee.”
    “Yeah, you said it. That’s why I fired him. Can’t have him moping around the place. It would bring everybody down. This is a happy pizza shop. More coffee?”

  114. wossname
    March 8th, 2010 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    MT: “It’s going to be interesting to learn why they are trying to keep people…” *hold on, this speech balloon is full, gotta shift to the other side of my head* “… from that end of the lake!”

    I can’t figure out if this portage does anything to advance our attempts to understand the geography of Paradise Lake. I think I’m going to quit worrying about it and just enjoy the fact that for the past two days, the squirrels have been laughing snarkily at the misfortunes of humans.

    JP: I do miss Barreto’s drawing, but I kind of like the way Heebink draws Henry Garber. I think he does fine on people who aren’t supposed to be pretty. Most of the cast is eagerly awaiting Manley’s arrival though.

  115. tb4000
    March 8th, 2010 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Snowmen already scare the shit out of me. But a decomposing one just causes me to lose sleep.

  116. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    March 8th, 2010 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    As a non-semi-aquatic rodent who has lived his life in the American Midwest, I have to ask: do tides really go from low to high in a four-hour period?

  117. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 8th, 2010 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#116): lagomorph, actually.

    Lio: wow. Addams level ookie.

    Cleats. hey, I made that joke a day or two back!

    HotC: hehehehe. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is a recycled joke, but I probably laughed then, too.

    MC: Great Schulz, is Rex dumb.

    PBS: better than the Spidey in the actual strip.

    Phantom: RPG’s for the win!

    RwO: I’d be pretty sheepish if I made a pun that bad.

    SF: robot monkeys might be fun.

    Frazz: PB&H is pretty good.

    OTH: yup, that pretty much sums up most folks on Twitter.

  118. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    March 8th, 2010 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    lagomorph, actually.

    Yes, I know, but most people think rabbits are rodents, and I enjoyed the parallel structure. ^^

  119. sully
    March 8th, 2010 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Now that Sarah has hammered out a deal with ‘Toots’, she can turn her attention to negotiations with ‘Farts’, ‘Rips’, and ‘Winds’.

  120. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    March 8th, 2010 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @sully: You are my hero.

  121. Muffaroo
    March 8th, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    AD – Today we meet the primitive ancestor of Wilbur Weston.

    Dick – Oh boy! The pulling of a gun can give subsequent gabfest the appearance of being similar to action.

    Doonesbury – Will the CIA Cover Its Asset?

    Family – “In olden times a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, now heaven knows / Anything goes!” (Favorite DFC caption from last time this picture was used, or perhaps the time before, as we leave special anniversary week reprints and go back to regular redrawn reprints.)

  122. Muffaroo
    March 8th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    MarkChee chee chee! Danger Squirrel senses Danger!

    Phantom – Savarna probably noticed how mopey and distant the Phantom’s been lately, so she radioed the pirates to come over and rekindle the warmth.

    Rx – And dog-gone it, people like her!

    Zippy – In Dingburg, Popular Mechanics has merged with Mechanix Illustrated!

    Slylock – Well, it’s obvious to me that Count Weirdly is behind the whole thing, and Moe, Larry, and Curly are just stooges.

  123. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Ritzy Fritz (#34): Did I call it or did I call it? I think I called it.

  124. TheDiva
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Once again, Crankshaft poisons everything good around him by his very presence.

    FW: So this will end with Wally slaughtering a bunch of kids, force-choking Becky, getting his limbs chopped off and being left to die on the rim of a volcano? Works for me.

    Luann: In my high school, “opening night” just meant you prayed the male chorus would finally get their act together and not screw up their big dance number the way they did in dress rehearsal. Oh, and sometimes you’d get a carnation from the drama teacher. I want Luann’s high school budget.

    MW: “So because of you, she had a hard life trying to raise a child on her own! Isn’t that great?”

  125. Calico
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    More information about licorice and G-d can be found on the intergoogles.

  126. Poteet
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#124): And from what we’ve seen so far, I think I’d rather watch BATTLEFIELD EARTH than this production of WEST SIDE STORY.

  127. Tom
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    I love the way the figure dimly seen driving the blue convertible in the Mark Trail tornado extravaganza is so obviously flooring it, despite not having any contact with the road. “I finally decided to get the Hell out of Lost Forest,” he mutters grimly, “and I’m not letting anything like tornadoes, or loss of gravity, stand in my way.”

    Meanwhile, I am surprised the strip avoids mentioning the obvious safe zone during a tornado — right behind Mark Trail, who can stop any form of weather with a single, climate-changing punch.

  128. Poteet
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @sully (#119): You are now riding my imaginary float.

  129. Comcis Fan
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur looks at his Wonderbread sandwich and milk as if to say, “Why aren’t you easing this gnawing, sad, regret as you have so many times?” Then, as Dawn does “oh-no-she-didn’t” handrobatics, Wilbur uses the sandwich to mop the perspiration from his upper lip.

  130. Comcis Fan
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    And Baka Gaijin was right in the last COTW.

  131. commodorejohn
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    A3G – Yeah, Bobbie, if you decided to have an affair because your husband was having an affair, I’m not really sure you’re qualified to complain about this. I’m not even really sure why you want to preserve your marriage, since you seem to despise it as much as he does.

    Archie – I’d joke about today’s Archie having very different dialogue before the editors got to it, but this is Jughead we’re talking about.

    BrS – Uh-oh, what’s Gollum doing back there?

    Curtis – So, uh, when is Curtis going to drop the pretense and just settle into being a strip about Greg Wilkins’s different neuroses and complaints about the modern world? Not that I’m really looking forward to it, but it may as well stop pretending.

    DT – Uh, Brozman? You wanna clue us in on exactly whose stubby, hairy hand that is?

    F- – This would be funnier if I didn’t actually know dog owners like this.

    FC – *head thump against wall*

    FW – Wow. That’s…uh…fuck. Fuck you people. Fuck you and your stupid trite resignation to every bad thing that happens, and the stupid shit you spew instead of ever saying anything meaningful or even just not saying anything, and your fucking smirks as the world around you goes to hell, and fuck you for not even thinking about trying to help anybody with any of their problems, you sorry pathetic sacks of fucking shit. Fuck.

    GT – I’d say something, but I’m doubled over laughing at Gil’s collar.

    H&L – Broadsheet papers are anything but “handy.” Computers are also portable, ridiculously so. Electricity is a minor concern now that a decent laptop can get four to eight hours of battery life out of a single charge. And you can’t swat a fly with a computer, but you can use this exotic new device called a “fly-swatter.”

    JP – Because what we really needed was more days of people telling the Drivers how awesome they are and why they deserve to be lavished with everything the world has to offer. It’s sort of like the FOOB Giftstravaganza, only not quite so nauseating.

    Lio – Lio puts so many awesome things in the paper.

    Luann – Look, I’m admittedly no expert, but since when do you buy “nice” clothes at Wal*Mart? Cheap, yes, comfortable, generally, but nice? Also Nancy deGroot is a horrid bitch who is dedicated to the failure of her son’s only successful relationship in his entire life, but we already knew that.

    MT – Wow, an ellipsis? That’s pretty elaborate for you, isn’t it, Mark?

    MW – I love Dawn’s little flingy hand-gesture, though I have no idea what if anything it’s supposed to mean. Maybe it’s just part of her step-by-step, brutally clinical deconstruction of Wilbur’s entire little fantasy.

    MC – I don’t think that’s metaphorical fire. I think she’s literally wreathed in flame.

    NS – Oh fuck you, Wiley.

    PBS – It’s kind of sad, because the crocs have the other parts of the Spider-Man repertoire (sitting on the couch, watching TV) down almost as well as Peter Parker himself.

    RMMD – Brooke’s commitment to this thing is pretty astonishing.

    Edison Lee – Oh goody, it’s one of those rare weeks where Edison Lee expresses an opinion I actually agree with, but does it so poorly that I almost want to reconsider.

  132. Calico
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MT – headed for a grow-op, or a meth lab.
    Kaboom!

  133. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    I thought of bourbon babe, unbuckled, and then of Raju when I read this little moment of win.

  134. AhClem
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – Oh, geez. Years ago, I was eliminated from a 3rd grade spelling bee for misspelling “calendar.” Not only has this troubled me all my life, but now I find out that it makes me a Plugger, too.

    Take me now, lord.

  135. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    SM: And the superhero strides away, confident in a good deed done well. “Ah,” he thinks to himself, “I have earned my rewards! What shall it be: Oprah or Ellen?”

    A3G: Bobbie, your future ex has piles of money, you’d have no qualms about taking him to the cleaners, and you’ve found a man with whom you want to make sweet rice pudding. I admit, I’m kind of new to this whole process, but: What the fuck’s wrong with you?

    But don’t worry: James Lipton, Esq., will help you get through this.

    MT: Good god, Mark Trail must be the world’s most annoying travel companion: “We will have a sandwich and a cup of coffee for lunch. After that, we will say good-bye to our friend Ben Harris… and we will return to our canoes. It will be interesting to see how fast we can paddle to the North End of the Lake!”

    If I found that kind of thing enjoyable, I’d plan a threesome with the Mary Worth and A3G narration boxes.

    FC: Yipes. I…. I chuckled at this. Someone promise me that if I ever put an FC strip on my fridge, you’ll stage an intervention.

    CdS: God, I love this strip.

    MW: Ah, the humble sandwich: simple comfort in times of hardship, white-bread companion in all our sorrows, its mayonnaise a balm to the injured soul, with a processed-meat poultice for our emotional wounds.

  136. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    BATS :[!!!
    I DIDN’T SEE A LINK TO THIS!!!
    IT’S GREAT!!!
    AND BELIEVE ME, I KEEP MY NUTS SPARKLING CLEAN!!! NO MOLD ON THEM!!
    NOPE, NOPE!

  137. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#135): MW: AND KETCHUP! LOT’S OF KETCHUP!!
    IT’S A NATURAL MELLOWING AGENT!

  138. UncleJeff
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#103): We’re starting to see a trend in newspaper-based websites where they are putting in as little as the headline and first paragraph of the story and putting the rest of the story behind a pay-for-view wall.
    The New York Times began the idea, pulled back and now is going forward with it full steam.
    In my area, the Eau Claire Leader-Telegram has been the leader in withholding online news stories while the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel and the Star-Tribune have so far limited their pay wall limits to pro football stories and some of their sports columnists.

  139. UncleJeff
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Donkey Hotey (#109): (and Elk Meadow) But as Bob Costas said during the closing ceremonies of the Vancouver Winter Olympics: “You can never go wrong with an inflatable beaver.”

  140. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#83): Wait—what? Who?

    @Walker of Dog (#85): Every one of those comments made me laugh out loud.

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#116): Perhaps you should ask our friend Rusty’s Ghost.

  141. ElkMeadow
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#139):

    I fully expect to see those things at tne next Civil War game, if not before. And I think I hear the sharpening of thousands of small toy duck bills….

  142. Saluki
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Monday’s Family Circus: From the look on her face, Thelma is not impressed – if you know what I mean (and I think that you do). In fact she’s probably thinking that Jeffy inherited that from Bill’s side of the family.

  143. Columbina
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    You know, I would never have gone near Rex Morgan before beginning to read this site – but Josh has taught me the joys of June Morgan, best dominatrix in the comics, and her daughter, the only child in the comics who actually acts like the small children I know in real life.

    Which probably says something about the children in my family.

  144. ElkMeadow
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#126):

    Battlefield Earth….with snot strings. Poor Forest Whitaker….

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    3/8

    MW: Most men would at least temporarily lose their gusto in sandwich-eating on learning that their lost love had been two-timing them with Richie Rich. Most men are not Wilbur Weston.

    FW: That’s not how you use “paging Doctor Freud.” That phrase refers to speaking with unintended meaning, or drawing your mother in an inappropriately sexy manner JEFFY!

    FC: Speaking of which, this is the exact reason the phrase “No, just no” was phrased.

    SFx: Trick question! It was Joe Besser.

    GT: Gotta admit, Cassie is a lot hotter than she could possibly be if McLaughlin was still the artist. And I love Gil’s expression. “Ah, first sexual advance from a student. Boy, does that take me back.”

    RMMD: Younger, obviously. I’m willing to credit prettier. But smarter? Is this a family of sea slugs?

    BC: If seals were this reliant on dumb luck, I don’t think they’d have survived into the modern era.

    SSmith: Ah. Someone must have donated an old VHS copy of “ET” to the church.

    S4th: Write this down. On March 8, 2010, we were promised monkey robots a week hence.

    Archie: Eventually Archie will burn the computer when he learns that Jughead was masturbating to pictures of hamburgers.

    Phantom: Hey man, she’s a total blam blam! There’s only room for one, here she comes here she comes.

    MC: Come on, Rex. You volunteer to go out and shovel the snow. You drag the shovel through the snow a couple of times. You wander off to the corner tavern for an extended breather. Married men have been doing this for centuries.

    Marvin: “So who’s the new Lost Boy? The one who’s always crapping and smriking?”
    “Groan. Don’t ask.”

    Blondie: Dithers is sure proud of his connection to a man who was assassinated by his closest advisors. It’s only a matter of time before the employees decide on the best way to honor him.

    BB: And so it was that Sergeant Snorkel walked on the water, accompanied by his dsiciples, Beetle and Doubting Plato.

  146. And the People Called him Sarge
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    And He came again, with his prophet Beetle before him, to explain to the armed forces of the world that Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell should be restricted to not saying whether you’re a Top or a Bottom, and any fetishes. And the disciples in his unit following him were much amazed.

  147. LUJBEM FEJF
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    MT- Hasn’t Mark figured out yet that can’t talk in front of the squirrels? They’re everywhere! Ever since the devastating tornado, they’ve scoured the earth looking to recruit stupid humans to help them rebuild their squirrel kingdom. The squirrels already have the Parker brothers by the nuts, Mark’s next. I see fist a cuffs a comin’. It’s payback time, this time it’s impersonal.

  148. Calico
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    FC – Time for Thel to sign Jeffy up for a lifetime pass to the nearest nudist club.
    It’s obvious to me now that he hates having any kind of garment on his pale, fragile flesh.

  149. T. Chicana
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur is such the poster boy for “emotional eating.” It looks like, failing to be able to actually crawl into it, he is trying to shove that mayonnaise sandwich up his nose.

  150. Calico
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#135):
    Re: FC – “I’ve met with this blog room of people since yesterday who love you like crazy, and they’re going to say a few things, then you can have your say, and we’re done.”

  151. Walker of Dog
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#145): Your Jughead comment cracked me up before I even read today’s comic. Now I am both delighted and repulsed – it’s like watching a John Waters movie.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#140): Praise from Caesar!

  152. John C Fremont
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#18): Wally was held captive for ten years. That song was released in 2004. Hmm. Something is rotten in the state of Ohio.

    I know, I know. It’s called “writing.”

  153. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#135):

    But don’t worry: James Lipton, Esq., will help you get through this.

    Thank you! I knew I recognized him. So Bobbie is inside the Actor’s Studio now?

  154. Uncle Lumpy
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#118):

    The lagomorph is the sworn enemy of the Othellomorph.

  155. Poteet
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#144): Yes. I confess that I finally watched it this past weekend, having heard the legends of its awfulness. And lo, it was far more awful than even the warnings thereof, and as I stared at the screen, I could feel my desperate brain cells trying to escape by crawling out of my ears. And I was sore afraid. But joy cameth in the morning, when I could read the wiki article and understand the derision and howling of the critics. And I did cast the DVD back into the Netflix envelope and into the deepest recesses of the mailbox, and I shall see it no more. Thank heaven.

  156. Lawyerbob
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#32): Poteet, that just shows the level of my indifference to nature. I guess I’m not what Mark would term his target audience, if by “target audience” he means those to whom he doesn’t deliver the Fists o’ Justice.

  157. Buck Ripsnort
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    PBS 3/8– Everyone who griped over the weekend about Spidey’s web-line last week, you have your answer– Silly String! Dammit Pastis, we know you hang out here– did you deliberately schedule this strip today?

    FC– This panel works sooo much better after yesterday’s Pant Onna Ground bit.

  158. commodorejohn
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#155): Oh, Poteet, you’re going to have to rent it at least once more. The only true way to cleanse Battlefield Earth from your soul is to watch it with the RiffTrax.

  159. Buck Ripsnort
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Up to now, I’d picked an entirely different “C” word for Dithers. . . .

  160. Poteet
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#156): Lawyerbob, given some of the color schemes that have been featured on wildlife in MT, I think your heron ID was quite understandable. Calling some of those color jobs “nature” would be generous:-).

  161. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#107): @AhClem (#134): Re: Pluggers
    In the print edition of today’s Dallas Morning News, “calender” (sic) has been whited out, leaving only “2010.” It’s gratifying to know that newspaper editors are devoted readers of our posts.

  162. Thomas B.
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    MT

    For the second consecutive day a squirrel shows up in Mark Trail, draws attention to itself with very hammy acting, but adds nothing of value to the discussion. I hate when that happens.

  163. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Thomas B. (#162): OOH! OOH! [HAND RAISED]
    I COULD DO BETTER! I COULD DO BETTER!

  164. Walker of Dog
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    S-M: In today’s installment of Let’s Libel the Miami FD, the on-scene commander has carefully grouped the firefighters by assignment: Team 1 chews the fat with an old lady about some escaped mental patient, while Team 2 watches sedately as the beautiful, hypnotic flames consume the first of many city blocks.

    GT: It turns out Gil can look even more dapper. But he really shouldn’t.

    DT: Finally, someone with some follow-through. It’s not enough to just yammer on about killing Beethoven Jr – you need the proper supplies (gun, bloodlust, evil scarf).

    MW: Wilbur’s attempt to hide his pain (and his quivering lip) behind a sandwich isn’t fooling Dawn. I think she really may have found her calling.

  165. Lloyd S.
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Note to new JP artists: Get the smug right, please. This is Sam you’re drawing. Even the smile in the last panel just lacks that essential Driverian smugness. We know you’re new here, but you’ll never get the hang of JP until Sam’s oozing smug.

  166. Thomas B.
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    SM

    And now Peter is back in his brown button shirt. What happened to the Butabi brothers outfit from Sunday? I expect this sort of thing in Mary Worth, but when it comes from a respected strip like SM well I am just…well…not that suprised at all actually.

  167. Baka Gaijin
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#130): As tonight is my last night as wearer of the COTW Crown, I sing my swan song. “EEEEEEEEEEEEE! FLOOOOOOOOM! QLUNQ!”

  168. Mibbitmaker
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#153): Of course, I’ve already made 3 different references to Lipton in the last couple days before that, though, admittedly, the first one was somewhat subtle. I’ve really got to time these comments better! What…. most ‘Mudges are still on lunchbreak, away from their computers? D’oh!

    Anyone lay odds that Josh’s next posting is coming reeeeeeal soon…?

  169. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#168): Oops–you’re right! Sorry to have stepped on your snark! =-)

  170. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    The Denver Post cut 22 comics from their pages this week. http://blogs.westword.com/latestword/2010/03/zippy_the_pinhead_axed_–_alon.php

  171. Thomas B.
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#167): Perhaps you will make the rare two for two.

  172. Baka Gaijin
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Archie: “Uh, yeah, Arch, orange finger paint.” All sploogy on the screen? Stop eating Cheetos while rubbing one off looking at food porn, cheeto dick!

  173. Baka Gaijin
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Thomas B. (#171): Thanks. With posts like the one directly above this, I’m not stocking up on beads and Hershey’s Minatures.

  174. Perky Bird
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    I would think that a real cow caught in a tornado would be flailing about in terror. This one, however, seems strangely placid. I’m guessing that it’s really an advertising sign from a barbecue restaurant, or maybe a steakhouse. In fact, maybe the house that’s being destroyed in the background is actually said restaurant, and the cars belong to the unlucky patrons. Remember, folks, tornadoes are the vengance of a vegetarian God.

  175. Mibbitmaker
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#169): That’s okay, I was actually surprised that more ‘Mudges didn’t note the resemblance even before I did. It’s actually such a blatant likeness that it can’t possibly be a coincidence in the strip.

    My first reference was just parodying his famous “If Heaven exists” question (I had to look up the exact wording), and the other two were abbreviated references to the show’s title (and, in #106 this thread, his title).

    I just wish my references were noticed first, that’s all.

    Tangentically, if anyone is holding back on complaining about the constant ultra close-ups in Dick Tracy, don’t hold back on my account.

  176. bats :[
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#136): thanks, Hammy. I finished this and put it up on flickr.com, then went to bed without saying anything about it.
    And you’re absolutely right: clean nuts are happy nuts.

  177. bats :[
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Ritzy Fritz (#123): your ESP is working just fine, Uncle Ritzy. Who would’ve guessed?
    Then again, I can’t leave well enough/bad enough/mediocre enough alone.

  178. Hogan
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    JP: Wait, isn’t that Pruneface? What’s a Dick Tracy villain doing in Judge Parker jail?

  179. Calico
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Hogan (#178):
    At least it’s not “Mucous-Face”, as in the Mad Magazine DT parody 35 years ago.

  180. Eric the baker
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#15): Actually, manufacturers in cooperation with the National Weather Service have addressed this specific issue. Most of the weather radios sold these days have an over-ride function built into them. The NWS sends out a coded signal and the radio can and will wake up from an off/sleep state to sound an alarm. All you have to do is program in the location (via county codes) that you want the radio to respond to. Comes with instructions and all, even someone who lives in a mobile home and gets their weather advice solely through Mark Trail could make it work.

  181. Perky Bird
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    “Mommy, if they call it your ‘birthday suit,’ shouldn’t you call your ‘package,’ your ‘present,’ instead?”

  182. Thomas B.
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    [Inside the basement of a sturdy local building]

    Rusty: Gee Mark, is there anything we can do for that poor cow?

    Mark: Sure, why don’t you and Sassy go on outside and see if you can talk her down. [Rusty exits] And Cherry thought that life insurance on the boy was a waste of money.

  183. seismic-2
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: With a mere flick of her wrist, Dawn has tossed a sandwich directly into Wilbur’s gaping maw. More fun than the beanbag toss, and easier to win!

    FW: Ah, the upcoming blockbuster, “Revenge of the Wally”. Go ahead and nuke the whole town, my man. I assure you it will create not so much as a ripple in the Force.

    RMMD: OK, Brook, go ahead and add the words “…than you.” I know you want to do it, and we all want you to. I assure you it will create a tsunami in the Force, unprecedented since the Big Bang itself.

    MT: If there’s one thing I do not want to see when I open my newspaper at the breakfast table, it’s a close-up of a squirrel’s rectum.

    FC: And if there’s another thing, it’s this.

  184. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    #168 mibbitmaker,
    Sorry. My pattern is:
    *Read comics.
    *Post snark.
    *Read what my worthy fellow mudges have already contributed, starting at the bottom and scrolling up.
    So it took me some time to see your reference. But you did nail it.

  185. AT
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    I think that look of abject squirrel terror as a station wagon comes flying at them is the greatest thing to ever happen in newspaper comics. Also, there’s a FLYING COW which, given its predicament, is sure to die horrifically.

    I am never letting my children read Mark Trail again.

  186. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#174): I’m guessing that everything Jack Elrod knows about tornado visual imagery comes from The Wizard of Oz.

  187. Baka Gaijin
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#183) on Mary Worth: Actually, pitching something into a hole in Ohio is called “corn hole.” Make of that what you will.

  188. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    #151 Walker of Dog
    Thanks for the comp. Now if you really want your mind blown, imagine Divine as Veronica Lodge.

  189. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#177): Thanks; great job as usual. Now, I’ve been trying to come up with – and rank – things I couldn’t care less about than other things, and whenever I think I’ve ended the search something else pops up. Until I got to the question of whether this little melonheaded imbecile’s name is actually Jeffy or Billy. After that I had nothing.

  190. Anonymous
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s MT: Lessons to be learned:
    1. Geese are smart enough to fly away from a tornado unless Mark Trail is present. In that case they fly toward the tornado to end it all.
    2. Bears could give a flying fuck about tornados. Or they’re just too dumb to know it’s a dangerous thing.
    3. Squirrels are easily amused.
    4. The best way to enjoy a tornado is be in a blue convertable.
    5. You can be saved from a tornado if a giant woodpecker sucks it up.
    6. If there were over 1,100 tornados reported last year, that’s how many tornados there were. I can’t see them missing too many with all the radars we have today.
    7. If you spot a tornado, go out in the yard with luggage in both hands and stand between a giant chicken and horse.

  191. mary_worthless
    March 8th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @167 Baka Gaijin – why would you leave out Cathy’s “ACK!!” or Dilbert’s “GAA!!”

  192. Darkefang
    March 8th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    FC: After a week of funny Family Circuses, you give us naked Jeffy? Gee, thanks.

    MW: Your jealousy was justified, Dad. The love of your life was fucking your hated enemy. Can you pass the salt?

  193. Bootsy
    March 8th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    I would like some of whatever HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! is having, please.

  194. Perky Bird
    March 8th, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#183): For the National Zoo’s “Boo at the Zoo” Halloween event, I created a beanbag game where you toss the beanbag with the fruit through the hole in the board with the porcupine (herbivore) painted on it, and a beanbag with the insect on it through the hole in the board with the meerkat (carnivore) painted on it. Now I’m thinking I should have a beanbag with a sandwich on it to throw through a hole in the board with the picture of Wilbur (sandwichvore) on it.

  195. bats :[
    March 8th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#145): @Artist formerly known as Ben (#145): (and T. Chicana) I thought if I mentioned Wilbur’s death grip on his sandwich, I’d just be unnecessarily petty and mean to him. He’s been through a lot, I daresay.
    Since you’ve brought it up, however, the three of us can’t be the only ones who’ve noticed.

  196. Baka Gaijin
    March 8th, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @mary_worthless (#191): I did the Dick Tracy Movement in QLUNK. The Depression Medley (“ACK!” “GAA!””ACK!” “GAA!” “GAA!”…) didn’t seem appropriate, as I don’t live in the Funkyverse.

  197. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    March 8th, 2010 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#193):
    NUTS! NUTS! NUTS!
    LOTS OF YUMMY, YUMMY, CLEAN NUTS!
    and a few shots of jack daniels

  198. Bootsy
    March 8th, 2010 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#197):

    Except for the nuts, those are my favorite things!

  199. T. Chicana
    March 8th, 2010 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Ha ha, bats, I love it! Well done. Wilbur needs some tough love as it is.

  200. Kevin
    March 8th, 2010 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    SAM: What’s this, Henry?
    HENRY: It’s just an forged check laced with amnesia-inducing spores.
    SAM: What’s this, Henry?
    HENRY: Oh, nothing.

  201. nescio
    March 8th, 2010 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Beaver does not have fur like Slylock. He appears to have pink skin with stubble. I presume the boat ride was to Brazil.

  202. Dagger
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure that’s a tornado. I think Mark might have the ability to turn into a sinister smoke monster. Which would explain why it’s called “Lost” Forest. *rimshot*

  203. ElkMeadow
    March 8th, 2010 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Eric the baker (#180):

    Thanks for the info! I had no idea. I’m not going to run out and buy one, though. Where I live, I’m in more danger from an volcano exploding after it being dormant for a few thousand years.

  204. AirForbes
    March 10th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    I opened the comics Sunday, and found myself back where it all began – looking at Funky Winkerbean and wishing Batiuk would just get it over with and end Wally’s wretched life. He’s been standing on that damn mine, in the metaphorical sense, for years now.

  205. raven1462
    October 21st, 2010 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Last!

  206. separation documents
    November 12th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Nonetheless undecided what you’re attempting to say but I do get a bit of bit of it I think. Thanks.

  207. Custom Cornhole
    May 26th, 2011 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    I like how you analyzed the story. I love the sick and twisted comics the most.

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