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Love and ammunition

Today’s comics prove that the right weapon can nurture a relationship’s fragile beginning, extend its blissy peak, or bring it to a swift, bitter end — let’s see how!

The Phantom, 3/19/10

Here, Ghost-Who-Walks and Captain-Who-Stalks enjoy a rousing round of armaments-themed flirting. It won’t be long before those torpedo doors fly open, the heavy ordinance rumbles from its below-decks shotlocker, and a gleaming projectile slides its way all snug up inside that smokin’ hot barrel.

Next: BOOM!, a shared cigarette, and lounging around in purple bathrobes.

Beetle Bailey, 3/19/10

Poor Major Greenbrass’s wistful longing for General Halftrack glows soft as a candle beside Sarge’s white-hot torch for Beetle. But still, when stirred by the roar of massed air and ground forces, the Major manages to gin up a heroic narrative exalting his beloved’s pathetic shortcomings to the grand scale of epic failures by history’s other insecure, tyrannical, nutjob runt.

Apartment 3-G, 3/19/10

Drug-addled, vengeance-crazed, and Papagoras-blather-benumbed, Bobbie nevertheless understands illegal commerce better than her mugger-turned-gun-dealer pal! Let’s go over the basics for him:

  • Muggers have the upper hand in their transactions; salespeople don’t. Customers won’t cower like your victims did.
  • People buy untraceable guns specifically to commit crimes; some of them will get caught. Therefore, do not create traceable associations with your customers!
  • This specifically means do not accompany customers into banks, lest you be photographed together. ProTip — wearing a hoodie into a bank will not help you escape attention.
  • Don’t confuse your customer by asking why you should trust her: your profession is founded on mistrust. And what’s the worry? That she’ll give you someone else’s cash? Seriously, even if she bails on you, you’re out what — busfare?
  • Think ahead: once you give her the gun, why shouldn’t she mug you for her money back? This is Margo’s insane evil stepmother we’re talking about, right?

Mary Worth, 3/19/10

Alas, sometimes the love is real but the artillery only a reader’s earnest fantasy. Could anything less than murder avenge the months of graceless frolicking, the arid Marylessness, and the interminable sandwichery we’ve endured for a payoff as insipid as, “I learned fatherhood from a man who was not my father.” I swear, we had better get a pool party out of this mess.

Speaking of messes, you have to credit the hilarious squalor of the life Kurt fled and now reëmbraces. Bare lath on every wall, mirror cracked in ways mirrors don’t crack, every picture and doorframe askew. Kurt looks glad to see his pregnant girlfriend, though. He must not know the child is Wilbur’s.

Spider-Man, 3/19/10

Yak yak yak ogle yak yak yak yak yak. This is like 9 Chickweed Lane, with bigger chins and less actual fighting.

Crankshaft, 3/19/10

Pam’s pinchlipped scorn gives way to shock that her husband is as big a douche as her father, and that her creators still have no idea how to set up a joke — except for the cruel one they inflict on her, day after endless day.


Hey, Josh is off on vacation out in scenic Undisclosed Location; I’m subbing for the week. If you have site issues, please contact me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net — to reach Josh personally, try bio@jfruh.com but expect a wait.

– Uncle Lumpy

226 responses to “Love and ammunition”

  1. Mibbitmaker
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oh, she’ll still come back and buy your gun alright, Exidor — but you can’t trust her!

    Cranky: Today is Paul McCartney’s worst day ever!

    MW: (just shaking my head)

    9CL: Hey, don’t shift the subject, Joe Palooka!

    Bet. Fr.: Omigod, she’s one of them!

    Curtis: I’ll leave this comment up to my least favorite president, Ronald Reagan: “Well, here we go again!” (paraphrase)

    DT: “What’s going on here?” With all the constant close-ups in this strip every day, who can tell?

    H&J: It’s called surrender, Herb.

    MT: Uh-oh, Mark has been found out by TV’s Frank.

    MC: I once drew a cartoon showing the classic Muppets airing grievances about Elmo, with Oscar offering to bump off the little series buttinsky.

    RMMD: It’s bad form to grab your own speech balloon, Toots.

    S-M: …Not to mention stupid.

    ZtP: Please, I’m begging, LEVEL DINGBURG NOW!

  2. kitchenbeard
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    Thank god someone else figured out Bobbie is Margo’s adoptive mother. I was getting worried.

  3. Farley's Revenge
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I like how Rex and Toots are casually chatting in the basement. Next thing you know, they’ll be going off together on a cruise. June will be left to explode in the kitchen and Brook will bitch about June leaving June-bits all over the freshly mopped floor. Sarah, meanwhile, will be receiving her next mission from her superiors.

    MW: This storyline made Dr. Adrian & the con artist storyline seem like Pulitzer material. Seeing that girlfriend happily dashing to fling herself at the unemployed slacker who used what little money they had traveling around has me grinding my teeth together until my dentist starts seeing visions of a new car in his future.

  4. Christi
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Mary Jane’s pale flesh has actually managed to blind her husband. He can’t even open his eyes! I wonder how this will be drawn on his Spidey mask as he goes to fight crime as effectively as ever (and will he, you know, hit buildings in a Tarzan-like fashion)?

  5. kanomi
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Good morning lumpy!

    Mark Trail: Unless those boxes are actually filled with bear gall bladders and mountain lion um, Winkerbeans, the economics of actually flying wooden crates full of rancid, rangy game meat to upscale restaurants beggars the imagination.

    Rex Morgan: “Maybe we can work out an arrangement – give me something and I won’t tell June.” / “I already gave away my skateboard.” / (pause) “What size shirt is that?”

    Gil Thorp: “Goodbye cruel world of interminable basketball practices and vital playdowns. I cannot wait six months for the only janitor I ever wanted. By the time you read this, I will have drunk enough wine coolers to be mildly incapacitated. P.S. I hate you Coach Thorp.”

  6. Chip Whittle
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    I am irritated that I am forced to agree with Crankshaft that assigning a “holding name” to someone or something whose name you can’t remember but that isn’t really important to the point you’re trying to make is a good idea. If my father would adopt it we could get through anecdotes with twenty percent less stumbling over the names of friends of his that he sincerely believes I’ve met.

    At least his daughter(?) is being a jerk about a harmless personality quirk. And his son-in-law(?) is able to make a barely coherent connection to Stuff Baby Boomers Love by bringing up trivia about a 42-year-old song. So it ends up being a joyless slog after all.

    Nevertheless I’m irritated to have to think that Crankshaft might have a good idea about anything.

  7. Craig
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    I’m a longtime lurker, and have never been motivated to comment more than I am by seeing that New Yorker-style umlaut. Kudos.

  8. Sister Sestina
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    Gotta get my eyes checked — at first glance I thought the Phantom was indulging in “armpit-themed flirting”. Oh those aggressively akimbo limbs baring those solid black sickles of desire!

  9. Jason1981
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    3/19

    S-M: Forget about Wolverine, Spidey. Sandman’s not gonna be too happy that you stole one of his shirts.

    MT: Hit im in the back of the head, hit im in the back of the head!

    Luann: Maybe it’s time you stopped b*tching and being hypocritical, and started acting like a f*cking adult.

    A3G: “And then when I have the gun, I’ll rob YOU! Heeheehee, FUN!”

  10. AirForbes
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:25 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, either you are way too smart to be a criminal, or you’ve done this before.

  11. Mordock999
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:34 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 03/19/10

    Toni – “Wow, I LIKE being ‘FRANK’ with you Nancy! Lets be ‘FRANK’ some more! Would you like for me to be ‘FRANK’ about THAT Gawd-Awful Darth Vader Helmet Hairdo yours? Or maybe you’d like for me to be ‘FRANK’ about your makeup that LOOKS like it was applied by an airbrush wielding baboon? Or maybe I can be ‘FRANK’ about…, SAY! THATS a cute little Ice-Pick you have there Nancy! Did you used THAT to PLUCK your eyebrows? Hey Wait! WHAT are you DOING with it!? No, STOP, put THAT down! Hey, THIS isn’t FUNNY, anymore! LOOK OU….,”

    ______________________
    DEATH to TJ!!!

  12. Chipper
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:46 am [Reply]

    Kurt’s moronic, mouth-breathing leer strongly suggests that he and Rusty are half-brothers.

  13. Mr. O'Malley
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:15 am [Reply]

    I don’t usually repost, but UL caught me unawares by working the late shift.

    A-3g: Well, this is pretty funny. Bobbie continues to be the most entertaining character in the strip while Margo is taking a vacation. Buying a gun from a medieval mugger is teh win. What’s great is whoever has the most cojones could end up with both the money and the gun.

    I thought that anyone, even convicted felons or people with a history of mental illness, could purchase a gun at a gun show that takes place on a weekend. Is this not true in New York?

    Bobbie must want an untraceable gun. What is she going to do with it?

    1. Play power games with the Professor. Not likely because if she wasn’t going to actually shoot him, she wouldn’t need an untraceable gun.
    2. Shoot hubby. Not likely, because she wants to prolong his misery.
    3. Shoot hubby’s GF. Maybe, but she doesn’t know who she is. Perhaps she will arbitrarily decide it’s LuAnn on the basis of hair color, and hijinks will result.

  14. John C Fremont
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    “Interminable sandwichery” had me in stitches. You really are my favorite uncle!

  15. Sue D. Nymme
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    Wow, I got serious whiplash between panels 1 and 2 in Spider-Man today. First, they’re lounging around… someplace. Then without skipping a beat, they’re squeezing themselves into (out of?) a convenience-store refrigerator.

  16. Zla'od
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:47 am [Reply]

    Beetle: At last, a timely reference to our quagmire in Iraq…or is it Afghanistan? I expect to see Gen. Halftrack on some talking heads channel, in a heated exchange with Prof. Juan Cole.

    3G: Thank God the artist resisted the temptation to make the mugger black, because that would be racist. Besides, this strip is about white people. (Do white people wear hoodies? Other than the Unibomber, that is…) Here’s hoping Bobbie finds out what’s REALLY in his pocket.

  17. Écureuil Écumant
    March 19th, 2010 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    BB: Yeah, it’s true that Napoleon should’ve advanced his tanks en enfilade instead of in a direct frontal assault, and deployed his helicopters in pairs instead of bunching them up. But hey, it was the first time he’d used ‘em.

  18. Joe, Upper-Evergreen Guy
    March 19th, 2010 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth(less): Oh my God, GET OUT oF HERE YOU NASTY BOY!!RAAAAAPE!!!!!!!

    Beetle: Set your general’s tent and table in an open field 100 yards from a modern tank battle. Makes perfect sense.

    Mark Trail: “Hey there, Mr. Canoe Boy……you got a real purty mouth!!”

  19. Écureuil Écumant
    March 19th, 2010 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    MW: In a boggling plot twist, Kurt knocks up Dr. Adrian. To escape the wrath of Defective Scott, they flee to the ghetto, where they discover to their delight that their slumlord had bought all the remaindered salmon-square-colored paint left over after the Charterstone project and slathered it everywhere.

  20. Écureuil Écumant
    March 19th, 2010 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Crank: Not long ago, “Ask Amy” featured a tale from a Westchester County reader, admitting that everyone in their family suffered from this same mental malady. She recounted a teenage tale wherein she was competing against the 15-year-old down the block for the attentions of the neighborhood hunk, and always complaining to her mom that Miriam Minsky was such a slut! One day she and her mom were out walking the dog and ran into the other girl’s mom — “Good morning, Mrs. Slutsky”, they greeted her. Scorched earth ensued.

  21. Little Guy
    March 19th, 2010 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    MT: Wait until he finds the Soylent Green processing center. (I’ll forgoe the “meat packing” quips to more capable Mungeons.

    9CL: “…he said that General Eisenhower should be hauling garbage, so in the lady’s defense….”

    S-M: Picking up the Barretto Fanservice slack.

    Luann: It’s progress on the plot. I like it.

    Candorville: *thunk head on desk* STOP WATCHING CAPRICA FOR INSPIRATION!

  22. KarMann
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    @Craig (#7): That’s a diæresis, not an umlaut! Or, um, so I’ve heard from the Didactic Duo.

  23. KarMann
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Fans of Groovy Blinkerlegume may recall that a while back, maybe a couple of months, I brought up the apparent origin of Les Moore’s name, on a headstone not far from where I live, and suggested that I might provide pictures if I visited there. Well, today, I finally made good on that. Behold, the grave of Les Moore! No Les, no more. [*]

  24. Shawn S.
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Has Mary Jane always had a cleft? This is…disturbing.

  25. Bryan
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#21): 9CL: “…he said that General Eisenhower should be hauling garbage, so in the lady’s defense….”

    “I didn’t mean to say that General Eisenhower should be hauling garbage, I meant to say that he should be hauled away as garbage!

  26. AhClem
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    RMMBLA – How soon until we see Rex and Toots fishing, frolicking in the tall grass and eating white-bread-and-Miracle-Whip sandwiches together?

  27. Écureuil Écumant
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    @24 Shawn S. said:

    Has Mary Jane always had a cleft? This is…disturbing.

    Well, of course she has. But she always keeps it covered up, because Peter finds it … disturbing.

  28. Dono
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Saying “[the people responsible for Crankshaft] have no idea how to set up a joke” is an understatement. Especially in today’s strip, where they could have thrown the two panels up in the air and had a 50% chance of getting the (admittedly arcane) setup and the (weak) punch line in the right order.

  29. sully
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Despite MJ’s gratuitous bikini pose, I can’t help but focus on that round thing in the bottom left corner of panel one in Spider-bore. What the hell is it? A beach ball? Bowling ball? Surveillance camera cover? Mutant ladybug? It was drawn there on purpose, so it must be intended to be SOMEthing!

  30. KarMann
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Dono (#28):

    Especially in today’s strip, where they could have thrown the two panels up in the air and had a 50% chance of getting the (admittedly arcane) setup and the (weak) punch line in the right order.

    Fixed yer typo.

  31. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    OK I’ll give it a shot. In the first panel PP and MJ are in some kind of store that sells bikinis, beach balls, be-crested smoking jackets and mosquito netting (sounds like some unholy alliance between “Chopped” and “What Not to Wear”). MJ gives PP the worst angle possible to determine how she looks in the bikini, kind of a 3-quarter side view that prevents him from seeing what is the most obvious highlight of the outfit, the “Bumpstead Button” on the bra. Second panel features them practicing their Archie/Meathead -inspired routine of two people trying to pass through a narrow doorway simultaneously and getting stuck, much to the delight of the live studio audience. Am I close?

  32. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    “Bumstead”?

  33. Ian
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Ritzy Fritz (#31):

    That’s not a beach ball! That’s the top of Deadpool’s head coming up from off panel. We’re getting another guest star!

  34. Nick Theodorakis
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Of course, if the would-be-mugger/gun salesman was smart (which there is no indication he is) he should realize he doesn’t actually need to hand the gun over to Bobbie with the ammunition still left in it.

    The Phantom:

    Here, Ghost-Who-Walks and Captain-Who-Stalks enjoy a rousing round of armaments-themed flirting. It won’t be long before those torpedo doors fly open, the heavy ordinance rumbles from its below-decks shotlocker, and a gleaming projectile slides its way all snug up inside that smokin’ hot barrel.

    Did Uncle Lumpy make a shrewd guess about the torpedo doors or does he also know how to look ahead on the Comics Kingdom server? See:

    http://content.comicskingdom.net/Phantom/Phantom.20100320_large.gif

    Nick

  35. Islamorada Girl
    March 19th, 2010 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy! Uncle Lumpy! Let the fun begin!

  36. Linty McDangle
    March 19th, 2010 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @Ian (#33): I thought it was Strong Bad at first….

  37. Bryan
    March 19th, 2010 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Ian (#33): That’s not a beach ball! That’s the top of Deadpool’s head coming up from off panel. We’re getting another guest star!

    I don’t know if a Deadpool guest shot would be awesome or horrifying. Think of what they did to Wolverine! On the other hand, Deadpool making snarky comments on the strip itself would be great fun.

  38. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    March 19th, 2010 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    How can one enjoy a vacation without sitting in front of their computer???

  39. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    March 19th, 2010 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    There is a lesbian in the woods. For some people the lesbian is easy to see. Others don’t see her at all. Some people say the lesbian is tame. Others say it’s vicious and dangerous and savoring its game meat. Since no one can really be sure who is right, isn’t it smart to be as strong as the lesbian? If there is a lesbian….

  40. skullcrusherjones
    March 19th, 2010 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    MW: So Kurt lives in squalor with Prince Valiant? No wonder he was surfing the internet (no doubt from the public library) to find a gullible senior whom he could frolic.

  41. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Oy vey. I’m not so taken aback at the fact that Kurt lives in squalor as I am at the look on his face in panel two. Why are men in Mary Worth always drawn to look like lascivious malcontents? Kurt has that I’m gonna get some backdoor action from my knocked up girl look that I haven’t seen since Charlie’s art collection. And really, they can’t be too bad off because that apartment has two rooms.

  42. TheDiva
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: So this entire week was just an excuse for Batiuk to indulge in more pointless ’60s nostalgia.

    FW: She’s your own daughter and you didn’t know she was planning on coming to the game?

    Luann: Talking? Never get anything done that way. Best stick to snide comments and barely veiled resentment.

    MW: Well, it’s good to know Kurt was preparing for his offspring by going on nature walks and fishing with Wilbur, instead of wasting his time doing something pointless like looking for a job to support his growing family.

  43. Krazy Kat
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    I don’t know what’s worse, the cynical, gratuitous skin in this current Spiderman storyline, or the fact that it’s really working for me. (Ugh! I KNOW!) If Spidey’s going to actively avoid fighting crime, they’ve got to do SOMETHING to keep the eyeballs engaged.

  44. Hibbleton
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Bobbie’s pretty smart for a head case. She’ll buy the gun; shoot someone; wipe the fingerprints off the outside and only Mchoodie’s prints will be left on the bullets. Quite brilliant!

    MT: Philip Seymour Hoffman makes a guest appearance in the strip today -probably not reprising his role as Capote.

  45. Bootsy
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    The new artist on Judge Parker is going to take some getting used to. His Honor The Flattop looks like Ig from Prince Valiant. Or Nudder. Or is it Bup?

  46. Metz77
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Does anybody not know that “Yesterday” factoid at this point who cares about it? That’s one of the first things you learn when you’re reading about the Beatles.

  47. Santa Royale Is For Lovers
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    I propose a spin-off strip from Mary Worth about the daily exploits of Wibur in and around the computer desk. It could be called “The Sandwich Chronicles” or something like that.

  48. Muffaroo
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Now when you say ‘gun,’ you mean a modern pistol, right? Because I’ve been burned on those stupid muzzle-loading flintlocks before.”

    Curtis – Relax, Gunk! Just because there were horrible, unforeseen side effects when Curtis got involved with each and every other denizen or product of Flyspeck Island is no reason for concern when he starts wolfing those Flyspeck Island peanuts that you left sitting out in a bowl on the table directly in front of that buffoon who invariably choffs down anything in the room faster than you can say “deadly poison!”

    Dennis – “I used to hide Playboys here, but now I use it for the remote that lets me get the porn channel.”

    Dilbert only has one arm? I just thought you couldn’t see the other one because he was drawn in profile.

  49. Binder's Butter Beans
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Dear Batiuk & Ayers:

    I insist that you never, ever again drag Paul McCartney, nor any of the Beatles, into your insane universe. Just pretend that the Beatles never existed in the world of “Crankshaft,” and that’s why it sucks so much. Thank you.

  50. Muffaroo
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Gil – Holy Crying Game! Steve found the awful truth: “Cassie” is really “Cammie,” moonlighting from Archie with a different haircut!

    Luann – “Not appropriate for a school…” …what? Who’s in school? Does Toni go to high school when she’s not putting out fires and avoiding sex with Brad?

    MarkOh, crap. It’s MA PARKER [*] !

    Marfield – “Oh boy, Grandma! You know just what I like — a plate heaped with steaming brown stuff!”

  51. Muffaroo
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Mary – It’s nice to see Kurt coming home. Beats me, though, why Patches is acting like it’s a home invasion. It’s like she’s just begging for defensive wounds.

    Monty – What, nobody went for the “sucking the futon” line? I’m shocked, shocked.

    Peanuts – Linus is exactly right. Especially when it’s in the past tense: “You had such potential!” Um. So I hear.

    Spidey – MJ was bitten by a radioactive one of those things that changes clothes and wraps packages really, really quickly while people finish the thought they were expressing in the first panel. Apparently.

  52. Muffaroo
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Zippy – I’m thinking I might just increase my enjoyment of this comic about 50% by allowing myself to skip all the Dingburg strips.

    @Mordock999 (#11): The way I heard it (Playboy, circa 1968), two secretaries (female, of course) have to share a room with one bed at a convention. When they’re turning in, one says, “Um, I need to tell you something. I’ll be frank…” and the other one says, “No, I’ll be Frank!”

    @Bryan (#25): Har! Well done, sir. And no tribble at all.

  53. mustang
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Watch out Kurt! Looks like that little gal is going to strangle the life out of you. She may be small, but she’s fueled by pregnancy hormones and the righteous ingignation of being left to rot in an apparently abandoned building while you went afrolicking.

  54. Gypsymoth
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MT: Is that Rusty’s camera?

  55. AndyL
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @kitchenbeard (#2):
    Really? You realize that Josh did a whole post about this back in early February?

  56. Lloyd S.
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    MW – Kurt looks downright heroic in the Panel 1 frontal view. His profile shot in Panel 2 makes him look like the most hickish sub-moron of hillbillies. Put a beard on him there and you’d expect to see Mark Trail’s right fist flying right at him. Although Mark, of all people, should undertsand a man desertin’ his woman thing…

  57. Lloyd S.
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    “Hey, Josh is off on vacation out in scenic Undisclosed Location;”

    What kind of vacation could Josh be having if he has to spend it with Dick Cheney?

  58. dale
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#50):

    Luann

    They are ostensibly shopping for new dresses to wear to Luann’s high school musical.
    I don’t think new dresses are required. I do think the men should leave their baseball caps outside.

  59. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: Bobbie buying an untraceable gun? Oh, this can’t be good. The best hope for Martin and whoever’s with him is that when she starts her rampage, the pills will have made her forget to buy ammo.

    MW: So even though he left her in a condemned building on a faultline for several weeks while frolicking with his not-father, Kurt’s pregnant girlfriend greets him with open jazz hands. Or more credibly, this is his dying dream after she threw a dead microwave at his head.

    OBH: James has a bright future ahead of him in private security and/or black ops.

    S-M: “Excelsior true believers. Stan “The Man” Lee here. I know this Miami storyline has been sucking painfully, so we decided to reward the Marvel maniacs who suffer through it with a Mary Jane bikini shot. ‘Nuff said.”

    DtM: Capital idea, Dennis. Now your dad can change the channel by accident with his butt.

    FW: This heartwarming father-daughter moment brought to you by Hostility.

    GA: “Well Gramps, it looks like you’re what we in the medical profession call ‘really old and hideous.’ That’s my diagnosis. Don’t forget the co-pay.”

    S4th: We know that Ralph has been having problems at home. As to what will happen if his wife finds out he’s been throwing himself at the apprentice Crazy Cat Lady, use your imagination.

  60. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @ Lloyd S. (#57): Well, June Morgan was hoping for Dick on her vacation. Not sure if that ever came to pass.

  61. Walker of Dog
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#1): TV’s Frank! Thanks for the ID – that beefy profile and platinum sidecurl were driving me crazy. I forget – can TV’s Frank throw a punch?

    @Shawn S. (#24): A cleft what? Wait, don’t tell me – I prefer the ignorance.

    @skullcrusherjones (#40): Frolic is a transitive verb? As in “One time I frolicked this bald sandwich addict for weeks. Now I drink to try to forget.”

  62. commodorejohn
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    AS – Someone has absolutely no idea what the story is behind Godiva. Just “ha ha, um, naked! Ha ha ha!” Because why bother to actually look these things up when you can just scribble another hideously ugly cartoon and then move on to whatever it is you do to fill your empty, hollow life?

    BB – Speaking of not looking things up, a quick examination of the Wikipedia page gives the impression that the only real mistakes Napoleon made were picking a day with terrible fighting weather and stacking his infantry too deep. Even if there’s more to the story, IT’S NOT THAT HARD TO LOOK THINGS UP BEFORE YOU START WRITING ABOUT THEM.

    Crankshaft – Here’s a hint for you, Batiuk: “moderately interesting Beatles trivia” ≠ “automatic comedy gold.”

    Curtis – DOES NOBODY HAVE ANY LONG-TERM MEMORY OR PATTERN RECOGNITION IN THIS STRIP?

    FC – This would be kind of cute if the reason for Thel’s dress being more shapely had more to do with her being an adult and less to do with Dolly being a stubby, malformed melonhead.

    FB – If “sub-Crankshaft punnery” is a phrase that can be used to describe your comic, you should probably rethink your life.

    FW – “I resent my daughter based on superstitions about the name I gave her.” A surefire way to make your character sympathetic!

    GT – “Holy smokes! I didn’t even know that was physically possible!”

    Luann – Just kill her already, Toni. No jury would convict. Especially not once they find the stash of Oedipal Brad fanart under her mattress.

    Popeye – Right. We’re just going to sit here in Popeye’s house for the whole storyline, aren’t we? What is this, Get Fuzzy?

  63. gnome de blog
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#45):
    Jury’s out till we see Abbey. And Neddy. If we ever do see Neddy.

  64. gnome de blog
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    I liked Funky W. today. I’m just wondering if Batiuk named her that years ago to set up this one joke.

  65. commodorejohn
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    How could I have forgotten the soap strips? I must’ve gotten up too early.

    MT – Sometimes I wonder what goes through my head.

    MW – This reminds me of Rorschach’s apartment in Watchmen. I hope that means Kurt is going to start breaking fingers soon.

    MC – I dunno, I’ve always liked Animal best, but I don’t think he ever showed up on Sesame Street much.

  66. Walker of Dog
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    MW: That’s not a smile, it’s a smirk on the face of Kurt’s special lady: “Wait, you think you’re coming back to live here? No way, buddy – I just got the place looking nice. Now, beat it – I’ve got a loaded uterus and I’m not afraid to use it.”

    FC: So one of Thelma’s kids programs himself to dream about her, and another one likes to scope out her business district (or ‘things’). Seriously, Thelma, Operation Torch-and-Go – remember? You made that super-cool Gantt chart?

    GT: It’s not like you’ll find Cassie in her backpack? And you don’t have anywhere else to look? Wow, the insights just keep coming. I’m looking forward to this summer’s bestseller, The Tao of Steve Luhm: Achieving Your Path to Emptiness through Applied Stupidity.

    MT: Mark is shocked, then intrigued, when he discovers a box marked ‘Rusty’. He leaves a fifty to cover the Parkers’ processing and storage costs, then heads for home, shouting out possible recipes for the tasty entrée in the box tucked under his arm.

  67. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Ever had one of those days when you just need a hug?

    This won’t end well for Hammy.

  68. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Napoleon’s main mistakes at Waterloo involved delegating too much authority to his Marshals. He let Ney hurl the finest cavalry force Europe had ever seen into frontal carges against Wellingston’s unbroked infantry – deployed, as always, on the reverse slopes of the hills. And he let d’Erlon have an independent command with the vital task of keeping the Prussians from regrouping and joining the battle. Whatever Halftrack’s errors, I doubt that trusting other people to manage the battle for him would result in a worse fate than having the General make his own decisions.

  69. odinthor
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    MW. — So that’s what finally happened to Louise Brooks!

    Spidey. — That’s right, Peter. Make her remove that sexy tiger bikini and take it back to the store. Sheesh, these crazy women—always distracting a guy from his TV viewing!

    Love Is . . . — “Control tower! X-15 Tango Romeo Echo on west approach to quadrant 2. Li’l nude girl standing on bombing target. Please advise. Over.” “Control tower to X-15 Tango Romeo Echo. Bombs away. That is all.”

  70. Baron Bizarre
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#61): Well, at the end of Episode 517 “Beginning of the End”, Frank did punch Dr. F’s lights out.

  71. Professor Fate
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#68): I thought it was Marshal Grouchy who didn’t keep the Prussians from regrouping and then joining the battle. And if I remember correctly leaving the details to his generals was his standard practice. The problem at Waterloo was the generals he put and change and that Wellington was on the other side. But it’s been years since I read anything about Napoleon so I could well be wrong.

  72. Aviatrix
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @B. Racoon (Y144): Didn’t you ever wonder why the Star Trek movies were numbered I, II, III, IV, then straight to VI?

  73. Krazy Kat
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    FC: I’m glad the Kompound has finally settled on a dress code for the womenfolk. Those curves and things aren’t very modest, though. Watch it, Dottie: your big mouth is going to earn mommy a stoning.

  74. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

  75. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    and now it's time for...
    THE INCREDIBLE HAMMY THE SQUIRREL JOKE OF THE WEEK!

    WHY DO CHICKEN COUPS HAVE TWO DOORS?

    BECAUSE IF THEY HAD FOUR DOORS THEY'D BE SEDANS!!

    PADUMPUM! thanks alfred e. neuman

  76. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

  77. UncleJeff
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Funktown: Gee, Coach. You didn’t know your own daughter might want to follow her father/school/classmates down to the state tournament?
    I was broadcasting a high school basketball game several years ago where a 25-year veteran of coaching finally saw his team win the game that would take him to his first state tournament. I grabbed him for an interview. His first couple of sentences were about how happy he was for his team, his fellow coaches and his players and then he started to sob uncontrollably…all the while smiling.
    But in Funktown, all success is reason for misery…because you can feel the Sword of Damocles on its downward descent.

  78. UncleJeff
    March 19th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Honey! Look! I brought SANDWICHES!!!”
    GT: “Oooh. Naked pictures! Of a janitor! Wait a minute….”
    Phantom: “My gun’s bigger than your gun.”

  79. B. Raccoon
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    There’s something you may want to know about Hammy the Squirrel!

  80. Ned Ryerson
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: So we see that Kurt is an old fashion kind of guy who likes his lady to be barefoot and pregnant. So he knocks her up and steals her shoes!

  81. ElkMeadow
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#50): @dale (#58):

    It’s suppose to be a “red carpet” event for the school’s production of West Side Story which means that there is more time and money than people know what to do with in that city. So there’s going to be some dressing up. And these two have no idea what is required of “red carpet” and they’re going to look horribly stuffy and unimaginative standing between the mock-ups of Carol’s Burnett’s “Gone from the Window” outfit and the woman cross-dressing as Zac Efron.

  82. Sans Sense
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    The Phantom: Everytime Savarna nearly enmeshes me in her very sexy web they draw an angle of her where she looks like a Russian boxer or an octogenarian gypsy fortune teller…

  83. Anson Pants
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    MW Kurt and his girlfriend should name their baby Sluggo.

  84. B. Raccoon
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Oh, look. Slylock Fox shows us how to draw Margo.

  85. Toby
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Halftrack’s waterloo is at least more interesting than Obama’s

  86. Walker of Dog
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#82): I think it’s her Shape-shifting Tunic of Mysteries. She seems to look more crone-y when she’s planning her dream life with the Walker clan, and more bulky when wielding her arsenal. It’s a mood tunic!

  87. bats :[
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

  88. mr 12 oz can
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    mary worth – is she really coming out a door i thought it was someone jumping out of a picture frame
    mark trail – any gator meat in there mark oops i forgot they caught those poachers

  89. hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Yes, Gen Halftrack is making the same mistake as Napoleon. He misspelled “Leiutenant”, or, uh “Louitenant” um, I mean “Lootenent” or…. No, actually putting your table in clear view of the enemy artillery is the mistake. Or wait, maybe having one of his artillery units shoot at another of his own units… I don’t know. Maybe the Major should have shown off some of his obviously extensive knowledge of military history to make up for his obvious lack of political acumen.

  90. mustang
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    “Bare lath on every wall, mirror cracked in ways mirrors don’t crack, every picture and doorframe askew. ”

    I know. Wouldn’t be a bit surprised if The Lady in the Radiator shows up one night when Kurt’s babysitting.

  91. Aviatrix
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the explanation in MW. Honestly, before I came here I was torn between that apparition being his own chubby daughter and his robot creation that stumbles about his haunted house laboratory, knocking plaster off the walls and breaking the mirrors. Also reëmbraces? Is Josh’s jar of diæreses approaching its best-before date or something?

  92. teddytoad
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    MW: Kurt’s girlfriend’s head-bobbling, palms-first waddle is deeply disturbing, and suggests (a) zombie, (b) severe mental retardation, (c) automaton stolen from the Disney Hall of Presidential Whores.

  93. Comcis Fan
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: I get it now, Kurt (Neanderthal-looking in panel 2) and his beloved are Nancy and Sluggo, all grown up and living in squalor. Perhaps if Kurt had been using that computer to send resumes, rather than friending and then frolicking with Wilbur, they could move to a place with sheetrock.

  94. hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    And here’s the Herb & Jamaal version of Crankshaft:

    Wife: My senile father is using a memory trick. Crazy!
    Husband: A famous songwriter used a similar mnemonic technique.
    Wife: !??

  95. Muffaroo
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @dale (#58): Instead of dresses to wear to Luann’s musical, they’d be well advised to look for disguises. Beards, full-face masks, something like that. Team mascot costumes wouldn’t be a bad idea, because they could hire somebody else to wear them.

    @ElkMeadow (#81): Red carpet? Does that mean they all have to dye their hair red too?

    Beetle – Well, I went and looked up ‘snorkeling’ today. All I can say is: shame, shame, Orville. Shame!

  96. hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Toots, I have an excellent cask of Amantillado. It’s in the dark corner right over there. Go ahead, take a look.

  97. Gold-Digging Nanny
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Today’s installment of A3G was indeed pretty dumb, mainly because of reason #5 Uncle Lumpy gave above, but can I just point out one thing that impressed me about it? We skipped an entire conversation. Yesterday, Bobbie was offering to make a deal with her mugger. Today, we have completely skipped over the negotiations (I’m going to take it for granted that although Bobbie haggling with a mugger could be funny — “Ten K for an unmarked Luger? You must be joking!” — it probably wouldn’t have been) and the walk to the bank. We just got there, and with a relative economy of words, the readers are filled in with Bobbie’s plan to buy the mugger’s gun. Granted, it could have been done with even more economy if panel one just showed Bobbie standing outside the bank and telling the mugger, “Wait here,” and then panel two showed Bobbie and the mugger wordlessly trading the money for the gun. But this is A3G we’re talking about, and I’m duly impressed by how rapid the narrative progress is. Meanwhile in Judge Parker, is it still the day after Sophie’s cheerleader tryouts?

  98. bats :[
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#67): You can’t always judge a book by its cover, or a bottle by its label.

  99. dale
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    “Senator’s Stew Pot – Good Eats”
    This week only! Special Purchase!
    Long Pig Try it yu’ll like it. Tastes just like ‘gator!

  100. Peanut Gallery
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

  101. Aviatrix
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Gold-Digging Nanny (#97): I thought I’d missed an A3G panel too, then hypothesized a comics code that forbids the depiction of handguns unless they are horribly disfigured or disguised as violas. Apparently bazookas and tanks are okay. Or perhaps they are holding back for the punchline, where it is revealed that Bobbie has purchased a water pistol.

  102. Anna Nimity of the 2010 Jungle Patrol
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Yay, Lumpy is back!

    MW: Kurt lives with a pregnant cheerleader? Wow. You think she would have tidied up a bit while he was gone.

  103. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#98): somehow, I was expecting that. :-D

    I have an answer for squirrels.

  104. Anna Nimity of the 2010 Jungle Patrol
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
    Parker Brothers: What?
    Mark: “Senator!”
    Parker Brothers: Ahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh Mark! Now we’re going to shoot you!
    Mark: Wait! I have more lawyer jokes…[blam!] auuuughhhh…..

  105. ElkMeadow
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#95):
    Red carpet? Does that mean they all have to dye their hair red too?

    Wouldn’t hurt.

  106. ElkMeadow
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Gold-Digging Nanny (#97):

    But this is A3G we’re talking about, and I’m duly impressed by how rapid the narrative progress is.

    So am I. It would have taken MW six months to do today’s one strip.

  107. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Gold-Digging Nanny (#97):

    I haven’t been keeping up with the Judge Parker, um, “pacing”, for a while — Here’s my timeline as of June, 2008, although I now believe I missed a morning in there somewhere. At roughly two months per day, I think it’s been closer to three days since the tryouts — Rocky and Godiva arrive, buy horse, dine, and squabble on day 0, make up and knock boots on day 1, leave Sam to his incomprehensible legal business on day 2, which is resolved “today.”

    Anybody want to check this? All you need is the extremely useful CoolPreviews lookahead tool for Firefox and the indispensable Comic Strip Archive link list. ProTip — Judge Parker always includes a narration box when a day begins (and recently at other times as well).

    I was planning to do it myself when Neddy got back, but hell, I could be dead by then.

  108. J.D. The Restless Mouse
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    When I was a kid, they came out with a game of “Battleship” that lit up and made exploding noises. I thought that was cool until I saw The Phantom’s setup.

  109. kkarenb
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#49):
    Amen. Some things are sacred, and have no place in an abomination like Crankshaft.

  110. Perky Bird
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    So what pearls of wisdom did Kurt learn from Wilbur? All you need to be truly blessed and happy is a field in which to frolic, a mayo-on-white-bread sandwich in your hand, and at least three hairs to comb over your balding head.

  111. Gold-Digging Nanny
    March 19th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#107):

    Rocky and Godiva were there to watch the tryouts, so that was also on day 0. They knocked boots overnight, and I thought they left Sam to his incomprehensible legal business the very next day, which is still today. Have we had a second night in there?

  112. BRWombat
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth makes much more sense if in the second panel we’re viewing the action through an open window, and Kurt’s pregnant girlfriend is gleefully charging ahead to shove him through it.

  113. Austria
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Hi, Uncle Lumpy, I’m new. Hammy told me to say hi, so that’s what I’m doing. ….Hi! :D

    MW – Take a look at that first panel. It’s hard to believe that this man was one half of Kurt & Wilbur’s Happy-Funtime Frolicmania just a while ago. I think what I like best is Baby-Mama’s enthusiastic head-bobbing.

    MG&G – I’m calling it: Peters is going to be buried in a landslide of angry letters by Wednesday. Half of them will be complaints of insensitivity. Another quarter will be complaints that he allegory’d in the comics page at all and WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?! The last quarter will be complaints that the allegory in this case was represented by a cat, either because cats always seem to get the short end of the stick (remember Tom and Jerry? Or, for my generation, Catdog?) or because some of the letter-writers are dog people.
    No, I don’t think this is a stretch. Remember the petition that said Family Circus was racist because Heaven was full of blonds?
    (Please note I don’t mean anything harsh by this analysis.)

    RMMD – For some reason, Toots is really cracking me up. I can’t even explain why.

  114. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Gold-Digging Nanny (#111):

    I dunno. I think Rocky attended to his heroic earth-savin’ business post-squabble on Day 1, and I think Sam’s trip to the Widder D’Vito was Day 2. But I confess it’s all a blur — not because it moves quickly, but because we do by comparison.

    That offer for idyllic Friday-afternoon archive-diving is still open — just sayin’!

  115. Baka Gaijin
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: “Well Gramps, it looks like you’re what we in the medical profession call ‘really old and hideous.’” The medical term is actually “Monstrous Marthambles” aka Avis’ Complaint.[*]

    @Muffaroo (#48):”…that buffoon who invariably choffs down anything in the room faster than you can say ‘deadly poison!’” I’d like to see a contest of mouths between Curtis, Cathy, and Cathy’s mother-in-law for the title of “Fastest Grocery Hooverer of 2010.”

  116. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Hi, Austria! Thanks for Mozart and Sachertorte!

  117. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @B. Raccoon (#79):
    HEY! THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A SECRET!!!
    i will fly over your yard while you are basking on your patio and pee in your merlot

    @bats :[ (#87):
    AND…
    @bats :[ (#98):
    HEEEE HEEE HEEE HEEEE!!!
    rolling on ground holding belly

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#103):
    LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE IS TAKING CRANKSHAFT LESSONS!
    and it ain't me

  118. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’m at work and don’t have time to scroll through but… it’s been mentioned that the Senator has a restaurant. I wonder if this particular restaurant specializes in game meat. The Parker brothers may be keeping people away so that they can haul their deadly catch to the shed and store it until the Senator’s minions can pick it up. Which is a tragedy. It would have been far more interesting if they were operating a Boy Scout camp, if you know what I mean. WWMTD?

  119. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#75): You’re welcome! Loved the JOKE OF THE WEEK, so it’s time to CELEBRATE! In the immortal words of former Congressman Eric Massa, “The nuts are on me!”

  120. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#118):
    YOU’RE RIGHT! I BELIEVE ERIC MASSA DID SAY THAT DURING THE TIME OF HIS SEXUAL MISCONDUCT!

    how did i, a mere squirrel, know about this? when nuts pop up i take a listen

  121. Cyranetta
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: And where did Toots get that skateboard? I don’t recall that Rex had one in hand . Perhaps Toots assembled it from pieces carried in his backpack.

  122. Baka Gaijin
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    HAMMY THE SQUIRREL: Is this true?

  123. Plinko Commie
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: “We got matching dresses … ‘cept Mommy’s came with more curves and things.”

    I’m posting on my phone and it’ll crash if I look to see if anyone else made this comment, but is this our first confirmation that Mommy is a hermaphrodite?

  124. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#115): Jeremy Duncan wins.

  125. Baron Bizarre
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    RE: Jeremy Duncan

    I wonder if it’s a function of age? I used to think that this character was likable enough in a “clueless teenager” sort of way. Now I just think he’s a prize asshole.

  126. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#121):
    BAKA! NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE KNOW THAT SQUIRRELS PROVIDE MUCH OF THE INFORMATION TO THE RACOON NETWORK!
    its a win-win situation

  127. littlestevie
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    MT: So Mark finds a hoard of GAME meat in a shed. Gee, this is the Parker brothers camp that we are talking about, did Mark really expect something different than some game.

  128. Phred22
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: Tomorrow’s dialogue: Pardon me, Mr. Trail, but since no one else has slugged you from behind in this adventure, would you let me have the honor.”

  129. Baka Gaijin
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL (#125): Oopsy!

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#123): I don’t know. Cathy’s had a couple decades more decades to perfect her inhaling technique, and mum-in-law has had, from the looks of her, a half-century more practice.

  130. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#126):
    HEEE HEEE HEEEE! THAT COMMENT IS FUNNY!
    i be laughing

    @Baka Gaijin (#128):
    NO PROBLEM. IT SEEMS SO ABSURD THAT NO ONE WANTS TO BELIEVE IT.

  131. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#128): yes, but Jeremy appears to have taken lessons in eating from Taz.

    (come to Tazmania, come to Tazmania, we mean YOU!)

  132. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#128):

    Yeah, and there’s a good reason Irving calls her “Maw.”

  133. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Spider Man: O-O Wow…..uh, hi Uncle Lumpy, yeah, um….you seen Josh around?

  134. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#131):
    YOU GUYS ARE CRACKING GOOD TODAY!!
    i'm laughing so hard it's hard to hold on to my nuts

  135. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Usually the thing to do is say he slipped on a bar of soap, but the rules may be different for officers…

  136. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: Then, Connie went to go hit the pipe.

  137. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Okay, things are looking up. I don’t think these two will ever be the best of friends, but I don’t think they’re gonna be enemies either. Sometimes you gotta accept the middle ground.
    Also, Toni, you can wear that dress at the bar anytime.

  138. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: We know how to draw a devil, Bob. Every time Cassandra Cat shows up :)

  139. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    SF: Oh, man, Jackie and Ralph are gonna hook up, aren’t they? I just KNOW Ralph’s gonna walk downstairs in his undies, in full view of the Forth family, singing ” I Like Little Girls” or something. If Nancy DeGroot were needed to put a stop to anything, it’s this.

  140. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    IN PREPARATION FOR FRIDAY NIGHT, I’M HEADING HERE!

    anyone need anything

  141. Baka Gaijin
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#138): BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH!

  142. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#140):
    BAKA! HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO ZIPPY THE PINHEAD AGAIN?

    not that there's anything wrong with that

  143. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#140): I know, I KNOW…..but is there really any other way to see it?

  144. littlestevie
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#136): I was thinking the same thing but I then thought no way is Marciuliano that demented, and you saw it as well.

  145. Baka Gaijin
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#142): Denial. Self-preservation for the brain. It’s how Cathy gets through bathing suit season: denying her AACK-worthy shape in the summer is the result of massive carbohydrate intake during the other 9 months of the year. It’s how Tommie Thompson gets through the day: denying to herself that her contribution to the Apartment 3-G-iverse is inconsequential at best, she continues onward “bathrooming” until the next pause in storylines.

  146. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#138):
    I’M NOT SURE NANCY DEGROOT CAN DO THE TRICK!
    WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS DIANE WILKINS!!

    small factoid - "onion"'s real name is "norman"

  147. commodorejohn
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#137): But have we ever seen her with a blue dress on?

  148. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#146): Jamus has seen her with a blue dress off, does that count?

  149. Here Come ole Flattop
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Lloyd S. (#57): Bird hunting.

  150. Sans Sense
    March 19th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Queeks and Bats and Squirrels, Oh My! Don’t let Batuik know you’re around or we’ll be treated to bubonic plague or the hantavirus or at least painful rectal itch episodes…

  151. Ray Jay
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    MW: It looks like Kurt’s girlfriend is so happy to see him that she’s running forward to push him out a window.

  152. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#149):
    NOT TO MENTION THE HEARTBREAK OF PSORIASIS!

    oops i mentioned it

  153. cj
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Kurt’s Apartment:
    Anyone notice the magic waves emanating from the missus’ head? Perhaps they are the cause of Kurt’s sudden inebriation.

  154. bats :[
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#113): re RMMD. I think Toots is a riot for the same reason Cue, Nikki, Max “the Ax” Mallory, Agnes, Second Officer Guido, Lenore (who is based on a for-real friend of Woody Wilson), and other “guest stars” are cool; Wilson fleshes out these characters pretty well, and there are just enough screws loose to make them interesting. I would love to see some of them make a return appearance (this does not include the Donut Kid or the Two Old Lost People).

  155. Sans Sense
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL (#151): Loose lipped squirrel! We’s agreed to leave psoriasis out of this! Are you off your nut?

  156. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#153):
    DID SOMEONE MENTION doNUTS??!!

  157. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

  158. mollificent
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#143): “…but I then thought no way is Marciuliano that demented…”

    Have you read Medium Large? Just sayin’.

  159. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#153):

    . . . the Two Old Lost People

    Pearl and Henry, dammit!

  160. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    ¿Cómo quieres que tus cojones?

  161. Cow
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Moo

  162. Aviatrix
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    MT: Is this plot so old that it predates refrigeration of meat?

  163. ElkMeadow
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#153):

    Cue….*sob*…miss you, Cue…..

  164. Aviatrix
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#162): Be strong. The real reason Toots and Brook are in town, and stole that money, is to get together a a fund for Cue’s defence. Cue will be free!

  165. Sans Sense
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL (#156): Sorry I sound so touchy but my dead ex-girlfriend’s son who I thought was mine but turned out not to be had a psoriasitic lesion in the shape of a squirrel that Tegrin did NOT make a dent in. Bad memories…

  166. Kermit the Frag
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    I love it when Uncle Lumpy is in charge. He lets us stay up late, AND eat candy for dinner!

  167. zerowolf
    March 19th, 2010 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    “Customers won’t cower like your victims did.” To Margo, they are one in the same.

  168. Sans Sense
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#163): Defence? I am not sure I like the colour of your tone! Good day sir (or Madam)!

  169. zerowolf
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    MW: Kurt grins in anticipation of a night of hot sex with his bobblehead love doll.

  170. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#168): Her name is Pez. . . . .

  171. zerowolf
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Behind the scenes during the production of Curtis: (((roll of a die))) Hey it’s a two, that means I do the Flyspeck Island shtick this week.

  172. Sans Sense
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m thinking if Kurtman spent a little less dough on airfare and BlackBerry’s and a little more on spackle and paint he could spruce that place up nicely! The zombie, however, is a lost cause.

  173. Aviatrix
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#167): It’s the oppression of the state! We all know he needs no defence for living in his crib and asking small recompense for the safe return of some wandering seniors he allowed to crash there. We know that any search of his property was completely unlawful. It could complicate things a wee bit if we were to just bust him out.

  174. Sans Sense
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#172): Perhaps he needs a good barrister?

  175. Aviatrix
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#173): Too bad he’s in JP then, eh?

  176. Aviatrix
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#174): Er, I mean too bad he’s in Rex Morgan and not in JP.

  177. Aviatrix
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Although if bazongas were lawyers …

  178. bats :[
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    It was either this, or pull weeds.

  179. Sans Sense
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#175): Rex would be the FIRST to say it’s too bad he’s not IN Judge Parker.
    (rim shot)

  180. Sans Sense
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#177): That’s terrific bats! Kudos!

  181. sully
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    re#124

    My good Baron, it took this long for you to realize that Jeremy is a dickwad?
    He should have been taken out to the woodshed years ago for an old-fashioned whooping with a willow switch by Walt, or by Hector, seeing as he is obviously Walt’s bastard child by the Duncan’s former housemaid Maria.

  182. zerowolf
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @Lloyd S. (#57): As log as firearms are not involved, Josh will be fine.

  183. The Ridger
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#22): Yes, that’s right. It’s only an umlaut if it’s marking a change in vowel quality. Or, to be painfully precise, umlaut is the vowel change and German shows it by putting a diaresis on the original vowel…

  184. Poteet
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#177): BWAHAHA! Thanks, I needed that.

  185. Poteet
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — So Rex and June have two desperate, penniless young people in their house. In theory, this plot could turn toward domination, bondage, and earning money by making pornos.

  186. Baron Bizarre
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @sully (#180): I’m a little slow, you know. :)

  187. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#184): and Rex being paddled with a skateboard. . . .

  188. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#182):

    Aw, let’s just call it a trema, from the Greek τρημα for “orifice.” You guys can pick which one, but keep in mind that it replaces the tittle.

  189. WendellX
    March 19th, 2010 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    I read “purple bathrobes” as “port-holed bathrooms” and didn’t even bat an eye. Is that significant?

  190. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2010 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#147): Blue bathing suit, last summer…..

  191. Hibbleton
    March 19th, 2010 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: Kurt’s taken this “shabby chic” thing way too far.

  192. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 19th, 2010 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#187):
    Are you sure? If I remember my 49ers history correctly, a Brodie replaced the Tittle.

  193. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#178) said:
    “Rex would be the FIRST to say it’s too bad he’s not IN Judge Parker.
    (rim shot)”

    I guess you’re saying that in that situation, Rex would get Randy.
    (A Padumpum back at ya.)

  194. Eev
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Lumpy, I’m delurking solely to compliment you on your use of the diaeresis in “reëmbraces”. Damn classy.

  195. wossname
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy #114 & Gold Digging Nanny #111 – If Day 0 was when R&G arrived, then Day 1 was when Godiva rode Sultan and Rocky punched out the papparazzo. And R&G fought and were going to break up. So it was on the night of Day 2 that they knocked boots. I think. Maybe. And no, I’m not going to research it.

    Muffaroo #50 – Ma Barker in “Bloody Mama”! Yes! I just saw that. And the weirdest thing about it was, the DVD I rented from Netflix had to be flipped over (like a “record,” if you remember those) to play the other movie on it, which was “Bucket of Blood,” a very early Roger Corman horror movie which mostly took place in a beatnik coffee house. Good times, good times.

  196. ElkMeadow
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#163):

    HURRAY!!! Free Cue now!! or as soon as you can!!

  197. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 19th, 2010 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#22): @The Ridger (#182): @Uncle Lumpy (#187): @Eev (#193):
    For everyone having problems with diaereses, I recommend Imodium.

  198. Poteet
    March 19th, 2010 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    MT — Please pardon if this observation was made earlier. I was thinking about this story, which of course is always a mistake in the case of MT. It doesn’t make sense to me.

    Presumably this contraband is headed for Senator Dirtbag’s restaurant. Wild game tends to be hard to obtain and expensive. It makes little sense to serve it in a restaurant unless you accurately describe it on the menu, if for no other reason than to justify the high price you charge for it. But if you put it on the menu, sooner or later, probably sooner, someone will wonder where you got the meat. The fact that no one has wondered so far in this case is further evidence that the people in this strip are a few bananas short of a bunch.

    A high-end restaurant in the Bay area was recently caught illegally serving whale meat. But as I understand it, the restaurant was doing so semi-secretly, through kind of a coded menu, which is how it was able to both keep the secret and charge high prices. A sting operation was launched, and that’s how the restaurant was caught. Such a sting might have made an interesting MT story. But to pull it off, I suspect they would have had to bring in some ringers with higher IQs.

  199. Dagger
    March 19th, 2010 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    MT: Benjamin Franklin does not approve of Mark’s unwarranted search and seizure!

  200. Mel AKA "Mel"
    March 19th, 2010 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    MT: Psssst, Mark, find out if they pack their own fudge too!

  201. Austria
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @ bats :[ #153: Nikki…oh, how I miss Nikki. That storyline cracked me up. (I wish I had known about this site when Aldomania was in full swing. I followed THAT storyline ravenously.)

  202. bman
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Metz77 (#46):

    The way it’s written, it sounds like Batiuk just learned that bit last week.

  203. Nekrotzar
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Metz77 (#46): But, were you aware that I am the Walrus was originally I am the Margo?

  204. Vince
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Ray Jay (#150): Geez, looking at all that cracked plaster and skewed mirrors, I guess that’s a regular thing at Casa Kurt.

  205. B. Racoon
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    If time were not a moving thing
    and I could make it stay.
    This hour of love we share
    would always be
    There’d be no coming day
    To bring the morning light
    and make us realize
    It’s over.

    Goodbye everyone.
    B. Racoon signing off.
    For good. Love you all.

  206. Muffaroo
    March 19th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#194): No, I was actually thinking of “Ma Parker” from the Adam West “Batman” series. She was played by Shelley Winters. At one point, she’s in the hideout with the boys, and you can faintly hear the “na-na-na-na na-na-na-na BATMAN” music underneath. She says “You hear that? The Caped Crusader’s on his way!” (The character was based on the real life Ma Barker, of course, as I expect Bloody Mama probably was as well.)

    @Poteet (#197): I had whale meat once. In 1981, we invited a Japanese student over, and he brought a can of it and offered to share. The whale was already dead (and somehow placed in a rather small can), so I decided I was just curious enough, and I had a bite. It was rather sweet, but that might have been what it was packed in.

  207. commodorejohn
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @B. Racoon (#204): For reals? Aw man, we’ll miss you. Take care, you crazy procyon.

  208. boojum
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @B. Racoon (#204): Come BACK, Shaaaane!!!!

    Was it something we said?

  209. dale
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#197):

    MT

    Perhaps you missed the ad at 99.

    I agree. The place seems, at least part of the time, too remote to attract a serious clientele. And the locals would be doing their own poaching.

  210. boojum
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: If I’ve been following this plot carefully enough, and the hell I have, the Sandwichungenlied plot ends with Kurt, now a 47-year-old lumberjack, walking through a door; closing said door behind him activates the mysterious mustard time portal and returns him to his 15-year-old self, at which point his legless ventriloquist’s dummy springs up from its duffle-like carrying case and mimes Al Jolson, in whiteface and ugly pink drag.

    Have to say: I did not see that coming. Kudos, Moy and Giella!

  211. Muffaroo
    March 19th, 2010 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @B. Racoon (#204): We’ll miss you, you know.

  212. tb4000
    March 20th, 2010 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    SM: Godammit Peter Parker…..you’re chilling in Miami with your wife who obviously has more ass than a toilet seat, and you’re still bitching about one of your fellow superheroes, who, if I recall, can’t be fucking killed due to his healing factor. MJ could give you oral pleasure right there in the fitting room and you’d start wondering why Kraven the Hunter has been so quiet lately. Goddamn you.

  213. Poteet
    March 20th, 2010 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#197): I’ll rant just a little longer, sorry, and point out that in some states at least, wild game in restaurants is problematic because of the processing and inspection required to legally serve it to the public. Okay, I’m done.

  214. Poteet
    March 20th, 2010 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    @B. Racoon (#204): B. Racoon, thank you for your time with us.

  215. boojum
    March 20th, 2010 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Said it before; will say it again: The coloring and perspective in Mary Worth are an experiment in pure evil. Art this aggressively, violently ugly cannot be an accident. Someone is trying to destroy the very mental construct of order, balance and beauty. Today’s assignment to the demons: “Destroy all confidence in the truism that a group of colors drawn from the warmest side of the spectrum will create a visually pleasing scheme.” I see Goldenrod, Lemon Yellow, Macaroni & Cheese, Tan, Flesh, Maize, Yellow-Green… excuse me — I have to go throw up now.

    Here’s the official Crayola palette, which seems appropriate to the quality of the art: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Crayola_crayon_colors.

    Someone else take over for me.

  216. Poteet
    March 20th, 2010 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    3/20

    A3G — From angry armed mugger to Margo in a bad mood. Really, what’s the difference?

    MT — Ma Parker instead of Ma Barker? You are ferkin’ kidding me.

    MW — “Right up til the day Child Services gets a good look at this place.”

  217. Poteet
    March 20th, 2010 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    3/20 MW — The terrifying closeup of Goofball McClown has done me in. Good night all.

  218. Poteet
    March 20th, 2010 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    3/20 9CL — I lied earlier. I didn’t go to bed. I made the mistake of reading 9CL, and now I’m going to rant. Rant, I tell you. *takes deep breath*

    I’m not crazy about Miss Ernst. But she did not ASK to get into spying. The newly-demoted Private Massive Dickhead went to a lot of trouble to talk her into doing it, and for very low-level, lame information, I might add. And then, having succeeded, he told her to pretend to be having a public affair with a German POW, for reasons too stupid to repeat. And then he blamed an English officer for understandably believing that the affair was real, and for saying so. And then, without consulting Miss Ernst in any way whatsoever, he decided it was his Massive Dickhead Duty to beat up the English officer for believing the situation that he himself orchestrated. And now, having done all that, Private Massive Dickhead is blaming MISS ERNST for his troubles???

    I have a few choice thoughts about the kind of warped brain that could come up with a story like this. But what’s the point? Now I really will go to bed.

  219. Donkey Hotey
    March 20th, 2010 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#197):

    A high-end restaurant in the Bay area was recently caught illegally serving whale meat. But as I understand it, the restaurant was doing so semi-secretly, through kind of a coded menu, which is how it was able to both keep the secret and charge high prices. A sting operation was launched, and that’s how the restaurant was caught.

    And a restaurant here in whale-loving Seattle, unrelated to the California restaurant but unfortunately sharing the same name, has been receiving hate mail and attacks by various well-meaning but uninformed bloggers. Seriously, people, more information on news stories can be found on the Internet.

    @B. Racoon (#204): Godspeed, our furry friend.

  220. Old School Allie Cat
    March 20th, 2010 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Why should you go home Margo? Because it’s called Apartment 3G, not Bitchy Woman Standing on a Street Corner.

  221. Donkey Hotey
    March 20th, 2010 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#217): Well, don’t forget that Private Massive Dickhead’s real name is O’Malley, and Miss Ernst’s/Gran’s married name is Mrs. O’Malley. So I’m going to guess the two of them work things out somehow and that the warped brain’s point was that the course of true love hardly ever runs smooth.

  222. BananaSam
    March 20th, 2010 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    “Oh Peter, I’m so glad you’re here in Florida instead of fighting SabreTooth, or Sandman, or doing anything vaugely heroic or useful with you’re incredible abilities. I mean, just because you have great powers doesn’t have any great responsiblities or anything. lets go grab some mimosas and hang out by the hotel pool all day.”

  223. bats :[
    March 20th, 2010 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    @B. Racoon (#204): *sigh*…say it ain’t so. Happy trails in the meantime. *sniff*

  224. Calico
    March 20th, 2010 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Yes, bye B. Racoon.
    Please come back once in a while…

  225. MWDG
    March 20th, 2010 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: That poor downs syndrome child that Kurt has impregnated looks no older than 11! At least they have a beautiful home.

    I wish Karen Moy had the guts to have Kurt take out his gal pal (God forgive me for this) a la Lacy Peterson or OJ so that he can move into the luxurious Charterstone with Wilbur and Dawn.

    I hope tomorrow brings a swinging pool party with Toby, Ian, Terry and her gal pal, Mary!

  226. TIM
    March 22nd, 2010 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey is Passe! I repeat passe! Somebody put it out of it’s misery.

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