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Weekend whirlwind

So much to cover from this weekend’s developments!

In Mary Worth, Ian demonstrated that the hot air that keeps his chest puffed up is of a sufficient pressure to withstand Toby’s feeble pounding.

In Gil Thorp, somebody admired somebody else’s shapely buttocks.

Rex Morgan, M.D., proved that even sinister poverty-stricken skanks recognize high-quality salami when they see it.

In Mark Trail, we learn that Mark’s wildlife-identification skills may not have been all that he made them out to be.

And in Apartment 3-G, we discover that Margo first reaction to the disappearance of one of her roommates is “more food for me”…

…and that, against all odds, the Professor is getting more action than anyone else in this strip.

But still, I think the most important events this weekend happened in Judge Parker.

Judge Parker, 9/29-10/1/06

So we all knew that Reggie Black’s “family values”-based campaign against the mysteriously single, suspiciously well-groomed, and blatantly porn-star-named Randy Parker would be hilarious. What we didn’t know was that it would be a full-on frontal attack on heterosexuality itself. After all, the strip seems to be saying, any woman you marry will just turn into a tubby, emotionally abusive drunken lout who, if not for the 80s-vintage glasses and earrings, resembles nobody so much as Brent Raptor’s mom. And if that’s where the straight lifestyle leads, gentlemen, wouldn’t we all be better off in the company of men?

Judge Parker, 10/2/06

On Monday, meanwhile, the strip posits a related thesis: that heterosexuals should not be allowed to perform makeovers.

71 responses to “Weekend whirlwind”

  1. Woodstock
    October 3rd, 2006 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Look out Ken Doll! Barbie’s got a new man. Raju is all that Ken was, only geekier.

    I’m also glad that I’m not the only one that noticed that the Professor was definitely looking forward to some large earring nookie.

  2. holli
    October 3rd, 2006 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    The ‘Hip Hopper’?????

  3. Seaweed
    October 3rd, 2006 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Celeste kind of reminds me of that character in Brenda Starr–the one who was always saying “cherie” and about whom, when I was growing up, I could never quite determine the sex. The editor?

    Can anyone help me out here? Was that character a man? S/he alwats seemed to be hitting on Brenda.

    Anyhow, that’s Celeste.

  4. Johnny Jon Jon
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    More like an attack on old Detroit Lions players, you mean. That “wife” is none other than Alex Karras wearing the clothes his real wife left in the closet when she split in 1974.

  5. Eyebrows McGee
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    I don’t understand why Neddy is in charge of Raju’s makeover when her makeover-arc-outfits have been TOTAL FASHION DON’T! Run, Raju! Run!

    I mean, seriously – pink fishing hat?

  6. Ran
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    “Uh-Oh, It’s not Molly!”

    How would you like those last words engraved on your tombstone?

    Mark’s about to become bear scat.

  7. Rose
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    “What we didn’t know was that it would be a full-on frontal attack on heterosexuality itself.”

    Glad to know I’m not the only one doing it. Viva La Revolution!

  8. rich
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Brent Raptor’s mom, or Harvey Fierstein in Hairspray?

  9. Rimmi
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Do we know why Celeste’s robe changes from slutty red to angel white in seconds.

  10. Allie Cat
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Neddy needs to make Raju look as much like Sanjay Gupta as possible. I mean, Surfer Dude?

    Trust me on this – Sanjay Gupta – chicks dig him.

  11. Weasel Boy
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MW: So how long is this “Aldo’s Dead and it’s All My Fault” pity party going to last? Unless the cops bust down the door and arrest Toby for felony intervention, let’s move on. How about introducing a new character, like Marvin Revyou?

  12. Lisa
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does April on FBOFW have the worst friends in the entire world? Her grandpa has a stroke and her boyfriend is all about the band, and then Eva is like, “well if he survives then just put him in a home.”

    I know that this is just a way for Becky (aka Roadside) to redeem herself and show herself to be April’s true friend, but there should be a better way to do it than turn her friends into asshats. I know they’re young, but they should be old enough to know what to say when comforting a friend.

  13. JB
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Wow, a two-fer Tuesday! We get to see Mark take out a bear with a tree trunk (the size of which we haven’t seen slung around since Schwarzenegger in Commando) and we get to see Mary Worth’s “Spider Sense” kick in in the second panel. I just can’t wait to see Wednesday’s strips!

  14. Sue T.
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    #3: I think you might be confusing two characters in Brenda Starr; her editor was Hank O’Hair, who was female, although she had a male name and looked like a dude; and the paper’s plus-sized gossip columnist, who was the one who said “Cherie” all the time. I can’t for the life of me remember her name and there just isn’t enough Brenda info out there on the web for me to find it! Anyone…?

  15. JonO
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    I would pay cash money for a set of Raju paper dolls. Or better, one of those magnetic outfit things–haven’t I seen those with like, Michelangelo’s David and other iconic figures? Dress him like James Dean, like a woman, etc. etc.

    In fact, what I really want is to go all meta-comics on it. So that to hold my daughter’s drawings on the fridge there’d be Preppie Raju, Hip Hopper Raju, Surprised by Misidentified Wild Animal Raju, Shapely Buttocks Raju, Chinbearded Intervening Raju, and of course, Hat Man Raju.

  16. Audient
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    I want the ghost of Aldo to haunt Mary Worth forever.

    “I’ll always be with you now, I’ll be your guardian angel!”

  17. Old Fogeyette
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    The “Cherie” gal in Brenda Starr is named Gabby. I don’t know if she has a last name. She is the paper’s gossip columnist.

  18. rich
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:31 am [Reply]

  19. Da Scrodfather
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    What truly frightens me about Celeste Black is that s/he’s Elton John, tragically fallen off the wagon.

  20. Ned Ryerson
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    The role of Celeste Black is now being played by Shelly Winters.

    When visiting the Lost Forest, always keep your log at the ready.

    …now if you’l excuse me, I’ve got to go get my tip fine-combed.

  21. Allie Cat
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    #19 – I think she looks more like if Liz Taylor and Sally Jessy Raphael had a love child…

  22. Prudence
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    RMMD: June’s worried and concerned look in panel 3 suggests that the marriage of her blonde friend may be the end of their delightful afternoon girl munching…er… lunching

  23. michael
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    As weird as it may sound, in a world with as many people as this one has, statistically speaking there is someone, somewhere who is using that locker-room scene in (DT) GT for what can be best described as personal inspiration.

    By “statistically speaking” and “someone, somewhere” I meant, please get me the help I need. It’s me.

  24. rich
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    If Ces is checking in, how about an explanation of today’s Sally Forth… Yesterday Faye gave Hilary the cold shoulder, yet today they’re hanging out like old times. And what became of that Hilary’s-all-depressed plot? Strips printed out of order??

  25. BethThe#20Fan
    October 3rd, 2006 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Whoa. That is one ugly wo/man. Talk about some serious man hands. That fugly face is going to be seared into my memory. I think he…she…it lives in Leesville, Louisiana.

  26. wurwolf
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Why can’t Celeste get her own drink? Is bullying Reg into fixing her one more rum & coke really worth derailing everything he’s worked for? I mean, really — overreact much?

  27. Kay Jay Why
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Oh, dear Lord, please tell me the horizontal lines above and below locker-room-guy’s buttocks indicate he’s wearing shorts. On first glance I thought he was wearing a jock strap and thigh-highs.

  28. AhClem
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    #15 – Another newbie-type question here:
    Who is Hat-Man?

  29. Paul James
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    I think the salami-know-it-all mother in Rex Morgan may just be Dagwood Bumstead’s long lost sister.

  30. Prudence
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: Are these new characters? I’ve been reading this strip recenetly after finding it on this site. I really like it but can’t make sense of any of these people. Who is the old guy in blue jeans? Can somebody help?

  31. Dingo
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    The gossip columnist in Brenda Starr is Gabriella (Gabby) Van Slander. And, yes, as a child, I thought that Hank O’Hair was a man dressed in kilts.

  32. Paul James
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:25 am [Reply]

  33. Dingo
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    I feel sorry for that boy in Gil Thorp. He’s got a bad case of white man’s ass – the male equivalent of camel toe.

  34. MarcieJohnson
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Celeste is very Sally Jessie Raphael.

  35. hogenmogen
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    GT: Sean looks a lot like the titular character there. Just give him a jacket and a clipboard, take off the face paint and you’d see the Doppleganger twin. I do like the way the out-of-context (and on GT, what, if anything is in context?) panel shows some football dude checking out another football dude’s ass. “I like it!” The (wide) receiver of this compliment demures. “Aww.. come on. Sean’s is perfect…”

    Mallard is still on about UC Berkley. Well, guess what, you blowhard duck, a prof from UC Berkley just won the Nobel Prize in physics (top that, you waterfowl). Ironically, it was due to an experiment which bolsters the Big Bang Theory. This is an obvious fake, as we all know that the Universe was created in 7 days by an old bearded guy with light shining from his head. Mallard even says so, and he was home schooled, not sullied with the taint of liberal public education.

    Mark Trail: Maybe that’s Molly running away. This is like those sci-fi shows where the evil twin pretends to be the nice twin just long enough for the hero to drop his defenses.

  36. Dan Coyle
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Hmmm, Raju The SkateBoarder sounds like a great idea for a spin-off strip.

    I never realized the name “Randy Parker” was so pornalicious before.

  37. dryman
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Tues: best Judge Parker ever!

  38. stevedogg
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    josh, how come you didn’t mention your cameo in apartment 3-G? by the way, nice reverse JFM treatment in the second panel.

  39. Prudence
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan once again has two plots started (the last story involved troy and sick baby). I wonder which of the current ones will spin off wildly and go nowhere. I’m on pins and needles.

  40. Sheilagh
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    AhClem, it’s a reference to an Apt. 3-G strip where Margo was dressing for a date — putting on this ridiculous church-lady lid and asking Tommy, “Do you think he’s a hat man?”

    Now aren’t you sorry you asked.

  41. rich
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    23 (Michael): Makes me laugh out loud.

    A3G: Every time I look at that “Can we go back to your place” Ari pic, I see a white haired Jason Varitek of the Red Sox.

  42. Rose
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/beetlebailey.asp

    So does this mean they are actually in a war now or what? It can’t be Iraq, notice the green grass.

    A war without deaths or blood? This is just insulting drivel.

  43. Mibbitmaker
    October 3rd, 2006 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    JP: A pineapple on Raju’s shirt is calling the current look “fruity”? And (Neddy?)’s agreement assumes Raju to be gay (or at least looks it, stereotypically).

    MW: Yeah, Professor Puffy-chest, Aldo may’ve been bad for Mary, so, of course, he needed to DIE! Yeesh. He’s “Chinbeard” alright: his beard doesn’t even connect to his hair! Hey, Prof, get some sideburns, will ya?

    Then, Mary – not so much Spidey-sense as Biddybody-Sense (the same features on both sides) – continues the rationalizing. Uh, Mare? Aldo wasn’t the only one dangerous to Aldo (ahem! AHEM!)

    SM: Looks like JJJJJJJJJJ has Margo-bobble-sense and Bill Clinton-sense *combined*!

    NS: I’d have liked this week’s Non Sequiturs. The only problem is: I hate Rolf. I’ve always hated Rolf, and I always will.

    FW: Evil, cheating competitors. Again with the long-shopworn cliche! Even when Batiuk’s not trying to be depressing, FW’s depressing.

  44. Dan
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    42/Rose: I doubt veeeeeeeeeeery much they’re in a war; those are almost certainly war games of some kind. Plus, the horny General wouldn’t be there on the front lines if it were a real battle, I’d think.

  45. tefflan
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Take two storylines that are going absolutely nowhere, sprinkle in a shadow of a doubt concerning some of the key characters’ sexual orientation, add a can of lard, a tube of lipstick, a bottle of scotch, and a couple of terminally horny women who are amusing themselves by giving a geeky foreigner a makeover that a boutique in Hell would be proud of, and you’ve got “Judge Parker.”

  46. Mibbitmaker
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    BBailey: Rose (#42), those are war games. You can tell by the fact that the tanks shoot out popcorn.

    (DT)GT: “…or Tina Croley will bury you!” …Or she’ll rip off Krushchev’s schtick!

    A3G: Not THAT old?? You are in the daily strips, bub. Btw, notice how Papamtigwhozits loses his smile from yesterday once Gina makes it about learning her lines? He’s caught Dr. Jeff’s Notgettinany Disease.

    SF: Hilary bouncing a basketball against the garage door causes a rip in the space-time continuum. That’s how she gets Faye to talk to her again. There was no hope in the present.

    Lockhorns: Yeah, but at the SAME TIME??

    FC: We’ve seen DtM panels that should be FC ones; now we have a FC panel that should be a DtM one. Synchronicity!

    FOOB: Hey, at least Eva’s trying (*ahem*Gerald*ahem*!). Still, she’s little comfort; Eva IS short for “Evil”, after all. April, however: “People who don’t MEAN to be insensitive… usually ARE.” So, in order to be sensitive, what’s someone supposed to do, MEAN to be insensitive? …..hmmmm… maybe *that’s* the method to Gerald’s madness.

  47. tefflan
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Oh, by the way, the conscience-salving in Mary Worth is proceeding at a much more expeditious pace than previously anticipated. At the rate the Four Stooges are moving, they won’t even remember the name Aldo Kelrast next week, let alone mourn his passing.

  48. BlueDot
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Ask any gay man – doing Sally Jesse Raphael drag was so completely over 15 years ago.

    But doing judo in Sally Jesse Raphael drag is totally fresh, hot, now! Reg’s husband Celeste is frickin’ awesome!!

  49. Jeff Coleman
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Why does that woman need to blackmail that guy into fixing her a drink? Can’t she just walk over to the cabinet and pour it herself?

  50. Seaweed
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Wow, thanks for the Brenda Starr info, folks!

    I had an image of a mix between Hank and Gabby in my mind as a model for Celeste. Hank confused the heck out of me before I realized, thanks to my fourth-grade health class, that she was clearly a lesbian.

  51. Rose
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Wait, you mean to say that some hale, young soldiers are sitting on their asses playing wargames in greenfields in the middle of a recruitment crisis where tours are being extended multiple times. Screw you, Beetle!

  52. Concerned Citizen
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Not only is it Genoa salami but it vibrates, too!

    It reminded Rex of Troy so he had to let it go…

  53. AhClem
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    #40 Sheilagh — Thank you. I think.

  54. Mibbitmaker
    October 3rd, 2006 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Excellent point in #51, Rose, but would you really want *Camp Swampy* defending us in the Middle East? If you think the war is screwed-up *now*………!

    These guys are less competent than Dubya and (President) Jimmy Carter *combined*.

  55. hogenmogen
    October 3rd, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Billy of FC is getting into mischief, while Dennis of Menacing fame, is making some saccharine observation involving God.

    Hagar of wrinkle-free pants fame, is with his crew, holding on to the magic log of levitation, and are apparently going to rent some space at a local castle. The wages of sin are death. Who knew that the taxes on castle rental would be murder?

    Yesterday I made some predictions of what the comics today would look like. “Tomorrow’s Spiderman: PP and MJ make a comment or two and then we either see JJJ appear with a one liner, or Doc Ock continues his mad rage and makes threatening statements while shaking at least four of his six fists.” I got at least one right.

    Suddenly, it has occurred to Greg and Mort Walker that the US is at war, and they draw a strip that involves soldiers. Beetle Bailey shows what the highly trained crack team at Camp Swampy does when it is confronted with danger. An entire division is ready to bug out when confronted by a few militia men with rifles driving 1989 Mazda pickup trucks. Way to show support for the troops, guys. Or, an alternative version of the vignette is that it is merely a war simulation, and Gen. Halfwit has realized that the 2-for-1 martini special at the golf course is over in 15 minutes. To Mort Walker: Let’s see… you made a living drawing army guys for 40+ years and you still can’t draw tanks or helicopters. A little more Rembrant, a little less Picasso, knowhatI’msayin’?

  56. Cedar
    October 3rd, 2006 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    AhClem–

    The Hat Man strip in question:

    http://joshreads.com/?p=691

  57. hogenmogen
    October 3rd, 2006 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    As much as I disdain Cathy’s tirade for/against casual wear in the workplace (now entering – what – it’s third week? – or does it only seem like three weeks?), I have to admit today’s showed a bit of clever wit.

    F Minus is hit-or-miss, and today I liked it. Solid. Reminds me of my school daze.

    Crock of Sh!t obviously heard about Aldomania, and decided that “stalking” was the new way to get fans for awful strips. No, Crock. The magic word is “Mayo Pits.” Pass it on…

  58. Richard Onley
    October 3rd, 2006 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    #11: “So how long is this “Aldo’s Dead and it’s All My Fault” pity party going to last?

    I even heard a song about it on the radio–on the oldies station, no less. It started out “Aldo! It hurts deep insi-i-i-ide . . .”

    #23: Michael: “As weird as it may sound, in a world with as many people as this one has, statistically speaking there is someone, somewhere who is using that locker-room scene in (DT) GT for what can be best described as personal inspiration.

    By ‘statistically speaking’ and ‘someone, somewhere’ I meant, please get me the help I need. It’s me.

    Your last name’s Jackson, isn’t it . . . ?

  59. slobocrock
    October 3rd, 2006 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    All those red circles triggered an acid flashback…ooops, just an epileptic fit….

  60. NightRaven
    October 3rd, 2006 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    The last panel of todays Mary Worth is interesting. Picturing Mary in a half-shadow, highlighting her inner conflict of evil vs. er.. more evil ?

  61. Heckler123
    October 3rd, 2006 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Okay – if somebody will make a T-shirt with evil-anime-crack-whore-Elvis-lovin’ mom from RM, brandishing her infamous Genoa salami, I will gladly buy it and wear it.

    Well, I won’t wear it to work – I teach school. But even teachers have a darker side. It’s not all chalkboards and happy face stickers.

  62. The Ray
    October 3rd, 2006 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Is my Aldomania t-shirt worth more now that he’s dead?

  63. Anonymous
    October 3rd, 2006 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    #60 (NightRaven) The last panel of todays Mary Worth is interesting. Picturing Mary in a half-shadow, highlighting her inner conflict of evil vs. er.. more evil ?

    Nah, that’s just gas.

  64. Hardhearted Woman
    October 3rd, 2006 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Dale Messick, who created Brenda Starr, may peace be upon her, was very careful to give Hank a husband and a daughter. Oh, the closted 50′s.

  65. Decker
    October 3rd, 2006 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Mrrow. Celeste looks like a young Marge Schott.

  66. Wirrrn
    October 4th, 2006 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    Hey,

    Gil Thorp- Is locker room guy meant to be shirtless in shorts, or naked? Because if he’s naked, he appears to have been severely injured in some kind of industrial accident, possibly involving cheesewire. If this is what the bodies of the people in this strip look like, that goes a long way to explaining all the Weird Hairdoes..

  67. Spark Avery
    October 4th, 2006 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or has Mary Worth been the same strip every day since Aldo died?

  68. SarcasticAcid
    October 4th, 2006 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Of course a discussion of buttocks in Gil Thorp would necessarily lead in to one of salami-brandishing. Add to that the anime-esque upward motion lines on the sausage-wielding skank and, well, I just lost my will to live.

  69. Angie
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    “…resembles nobody so much as Brent Raptor’s mom.”

    Actually, I think Celeste bears a striking resemblance to Raju. Check out the close up shot of her in panel 5 above and compare it to Raju in panel 2 here:

    http://urbanagenda.blogspot.com/2006/07/what-do-you-think-is-raju-right.html

    Do you see it? Same chin, same upside-down teardrop face, same sidelong glance…

    But Raju has better glasses.

  70. comic femme
    October 8th, 2006 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    JP: last time I checked…when he will not make me another drink…I make it myself.
    I am never hung-over I am self medicated.
    Now where is my checkbook?

    And like Dryman said-”best Judge Parker ever!”

  71. Carly
    November 20th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    “More drinks, mule!”

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