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THE FOOBOCALYPSE IS HERE

For Better Or For Worse, 1/11/07

Here it is! The moment we’ve been waiting for since June! The moment when cheatin’ Paul is caught red-handed, Liz is emotionally devastated, worlds are shattered, great loves die, new ones begin! At last, it’s here! And it’s … it’s …

Kind of dull, actually.

Bunch of people standing around in the cold. Fully clothed. Nicely drawn exhalation vapor clouds, I’ll give them that. Some awkward glances. Car in the driveway. And … such.

Plenty of exposition, though. Yes, sir.

God damn, this is boring. I hate you, foobs. Every time I lower my expectations to meet what I think’s coming, you go even lower.

Apartment 3-G, 1/11/07

Hey, but you know who never fails to meet my expectations? Margo Magee, that’s who. Whether she’s throwing aside her last shred of dignity to win the heart of a rich older man, or insulting her roommates with zingers just obscure enough to make them wonder if they’re actually being insulted, she always comes through in the clutch.

I have to imagine that Margo is the master tenant in Apartment 3-G. Otherwise, I have no idea why her collection of overpriced designer turtleneck sweaters and her ass haven’t been dumped on the curb by an aggrieved Lu Ann and Tommie years ago.

Family Circus, 1/11/07

Several commentors have attempted to parse the dialogue here in relation to the phrase “cookie sandwich,” and how it applies to the relationship between Dagwood and his daughter, Cookie. It’s all very clever and naughty, but I think it misses the larger point, which is that Billy is making a lunch that consists entirely of Oreos and Wonder Bread. Clearly Mom has finally snapped and run off with the mailman, and Daddy’s passed out drunk (again), leaving the kids unsupervised and Billy in charge. The look on Jeffy’s face shows that he’s sort of dubious about this situation. Sure, cookie sandwiches are all well and good in the short term, but eventually they’ll run out of Oreos and/or Wonder Bread and who’s gonna buy more, huh?

The Lockhorns, 1/11/07

I think this is the first ever Lockhorns panel in which the feature’s patented brand of ennui-deadened hate is aimed by one half of the title couple at someone other than the other half of the title couple. Though you wouldn’t know it from their emotionally numb faces, this is a serious psychological breakthrough.

Leroy and Loretta have been locked in a vicious, evenly matched death struggle for decades, so if their negative energies were suddenly turned outwards, they’d leave a trail of dead and maimed in their wake. So look out, TSA goons! Your chastisement at the hands of Slylock Fox was just the beginning!

447 responses to “THE FOOBOCALYPSE IS HERE”

  1. Sheilagh
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Call that a sandwich? Where’s the mayo?

  2. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Luanne is holding up too many fingers in panel 2. There’s only one she needs to show Margo, and it’s not her ring finger either.

  3. e
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    What I hate about the FBOFW storyline is that although I currently hate everyone in the strip and know just where the predictable storyline will go, I still can’t keep myself from reading the crappy strip. DAMN it, I know it’s bad for me, but I just can’t stop.

  4. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    The sad thing is, I used to enjoy reading the strip, then I was sort of tepid about it (especially whenever the kids went around slurping their popsicles or otherwise making sound effects best left undefined, but weren’t.
    Then in my college years I pretty much ignored it.
    Now, thanks to someone guiding me to the Land Of All Things Curmudgeonly, I’m reading it again, only this time my dislike extends far beyond mere gross sound effects.

  5. Axel Fusco
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    I can’t stop myself! I thought I could quit speculating about where this “plot” is going. My newest, simple prediction is that Paul is there with Susan to plan how he will suprise Liz with a ring. Note how Susan says, “Yes! Sure!” like she’s happy to help. Liz’s fears will prove unfounded.

  6. Indiebass
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    I think the Lockhorns are helping to usher in an age where all comics deal exclusively with the annoyances of the TSA. Just like stand-up comedy and airline food in the eighties.

  7. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Foob: I disagree, Josh. I love Paul’s “I’m so F’n busted” look on his face. He may just as well have been caught in the buff – and Lynn Johnston’s rendition of a male penis is something I could really do without, citing the fact that she has never seen one, but has only had them described to her.

    What makes me dislike it, however, is how Liz goes from angry in panel 3, to the “Oh, World, please pity me!” in panel 4. Had it gone the other way, and she broke from the “hapless victim of fate” look to the empowered she-devil of unrestrained fury and carnage, I’d quit my job and become one of Johnston’s production drones.

  8. holli
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    I am DEEPLY annoyed with myself at how much I care how incredibly stupid and irritating the Foob-iverse plot trajectory is.

    Why can’t I just stop reading? Why?

  9. 420
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    # 5. I’m with you. There is no extra curricular activity going on.

  10. Da KwanzOtter
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    *squints in the sudden spotlight* Fuh– First? But how?
    But heaven bless Josh for not referencing the other day’s “Margaret Sandwich” stuff. The thought of Cookie, Margeret and Dennis Mitchell all together isn’t something I need this early in the morning.

  11. Da KwanzOtter
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Um– OK, I wasn’t first. So what? I still don’t want to see the FC kids having sex w/ anything remotely human, even Jack Elrod’s beavers!

    Especially Elrod’s beavers!

  12. Edgy DC
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Haters.

  13. andreavis
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    #2 True Fable, Luann is inviting Margo to “read between the lines.” Zing!

    FOOB: geez, they can’t even get this spectacular cheatin’ breakup right. Where’s the violence, the nudity, the tears? I really want to see someone’s clothes tossed out onto the snowy yard in a screaming hissy-fit. As it is, you can barely tell Liz has even caught them doing anything– they don’t even look particularly guilty. Once again, FOOB disappoints.

  14. marta
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Liz is not too late, maybe she’s too early for the “SURPRISE PARTY”

  15. willethompson
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    I normally weigh in on the fecund happenings of JP or RMMD, but the Foobitairans have briefly converted me to their seductive cult. I’ll take a moment to sip the Kool-Aid and get this out of my brain where it has been fermenting far too long.

    So…raise your pitcher of Labatt’s and please welcome that other Canadian icon, Mr. Gordon Lightfoot. It’s all here – epic sorrow, bad internal rhymes, forced rhthyms. The only thing left to do is cue the whiny guitar…

    The (train)Wreck of the Frigid Miss Lizzy

    The legend lives on from Mtigwaki on down
    Of the ice queen that they call Frigid Lizzie…
    Her hips, they all say, have an equestrian sway
    Putting Maple Leaf men in a tizzy…

    She’s about as much fun as a date with a nun,
    I guess I don’t see the attraction.
    She’ll smile and tease, make you say pretty please,
    But you ain’t getting no satisfaction.

    Her boyfriends, it’s known, have a yen to go roam
    ‘bout a month after getting to know her..
    She might let you touch her Ontarian tush
    But, trust me, you won’t get no further.

    The natives were told that she would uphold
    Her contract to be their schoolteacher.
    She tried for a year, then said “I’m outta here!”
    And then she departed by ‘copter.

    The lure, we did see, of the RCMP
    Didn’t keep her in town like they counted.
    So when she said “adieu!” to the cop, you just knew
    Paul would find other ways to stay Mounted.

    Warren, you foob, keep your eyes off her boob!
    That’s the quickest route to perdition!
    Keep your joystick in hand, get the copter to land,
    Push her out and take off in one motion!

    So the Moustache’s fate is to be her soul mate,
    The poll in The Star will confirm it.
    But Anthony, you ass, take care what you ask
    For you know that you surely will get it!

    Or not…

    (whiny guitar fades out…)

  16. Jahqdruh
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    RE: Yesterday’s RMMD — maybe it’s just me, but I saw Elvis in the third panel as wearing a figurative executioner’s mask. Then I thought, “RMMD? Foreshadowing in the same clumsy vein as Lynn in the Foobiverse? Nah, It’ll never happen.”

  17. holli
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Which suitor do you think Elizabeth should end up with in the comic strip For Better or For Worse?

    Helicopter pilot Warren Blackwood

    1274 32%

    Old flame Anthony Caine

    716 18%

    Policeman Paul Wright

    1924 49%

    It looks like it’s working! But doesn’t she just ignore votes when she doesn’t like the result?

  18. SanctumSanctorumComix
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Is “Paul’s car is in your driveway” a euphemism for; “Paul’s Penis is in your Vagina”?

    What???

    ~P~
    P-TOR

  19. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    #5 – Axel – an interesting theory. Ordinarily Occam’s Razor would apply (the simplest explanation is usually the best). But this, being a work of fiction, may be designed to circumvent the obvious, and give us some surprise. I’d be surprised, but I’d still hate the strip. However, I’d join the Foob Corps if Paul was planning a marriage proposal, but got so put off by Liz’s suspicious mind that he decided to cancel it. Liz, broken hearted, flies back to the Big Smoke, and begrudgingly accepts her mustached consolation prize, living a life of quiet despair, wondering what might have been – until she overdoses on Vallium, sleeping pills, Prozac and Black Velvet.

  20. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    #15 – Willie – that was really, really great. Clap clap clap!

    But can I mention that in verse 4, she drove out with Paul, not by means of copter?

  21. Edgy DC
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    17: Which suitor do you think Elizabeth should end up with in the comic strip For Better or For Worse?

    Helicopter pilot Warren Blackwood

    1274 32%

    Old flame Anthony Caine

    716 18%

    Policeman Paul Wright

    1924 49%

    It looks like it’s working! But doesn’t she just ignore votes when she doesn’t like the result?

    The correct answer is loyal reader Edgy DC. And all you haters are just helping drive her into my arms. Hah! Fools!

  22. blueeyes
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Why is Billy a foot taller than Jeffy all of a sudden?

  23. Joe
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Without the parental guidance every young boy needs, what’s to stop Billy from just pulling the cookie sandwich apart and licking the Oreos? Um…if that joke ends up in The Family Circus, I will deny having written it, regardless of the settlement I could get from Family Circus Inc.

  24. GypsyMoth
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Billy, I have seen Dagwoood’s sandwiches. And you Sir, are no Dagwood!

  25. Tukla in Iowa
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Jeez, Paul. Close your damned mouth.

  26. Bitter Scribe
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Why do the Lockhorns need to fly anywhere anyway? Can’t they keep recycling their half-dozen or so jokes (Loretta can’t cook, Leroy gets drunk, Loretta can’t drive, Leroy is lazy, etc.) perfectly well at home?

  27. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    THIS NEVER HAPPENS:
    Kid makes cookie sandwich.
    WHY NOT:
    No kid has ever wasted four cookies by ruining them with unnecessary bread.

  28. Gabe
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    7: She’s seen at least two penises, according to her book. Unless she only does it in the pitch black through a sheet.

    22: Billy’s standing on a chair.

  29. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    #39 – but what exactly does Cookie Sandwich have to do with the Margaret Sandwich?

  30. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Response to #39 in other thread. I know, my teachers always tried to remind me that 39 comes after 29…not the other way around.
    God, I’ve read too much FOOB.

  31. Pozzo
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Isn’t an Oreo basically a sandwich to begin with? I’m confused.

  32. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    A3G:
    Panel 1 – Tommie as large as other characters
    Panel 2 – Tommie half the size of other characters
    Panel 3 – Tommie gone and no one notices

    Is it just me, or is everyone leaning over as if they’re on rough water? Margo leans back and right, down and left, back and right. Luann is standing straight during all of this, maybe the ghost of Albert Pinkham Ryder is propping her up, or maybe it symbolizes that Luann is as wavy as the seas.

  33. Corbie
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    I don’t think Paul’s expression says “busted” so much as befuddled– clearly he doesn’t understand Liz’s sudden hostility towards him.

    Come on, 49%!

  34. MossMoses
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    “Lynn Johnston’s rendition of a male penis”. Hogen Mogen, you are moonlighting for the Dept of Redundancy Dept again, aren’t you?

    Mounties mount. That’s what they do. Why would Saint Lizardbreath expect him to behave otherwise? Men are all pig cowboys, right Lynn? The only females they really love are there cars. “She’s a beaut, Gordo! How much do you want for her?”

  35. gnome de blog
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    First, bravo and kudos to williethompson for penning what should quickly become the Foob national anthem.

    Second, consider the facts: Tommie’s a nurse, which pays okay but not great. Second, Lu Ann teaches art in a private school, which pays squat. Lately she doesn’t even do that, so maybe she got laid off when we weren’t looking. Margo’s a big-time publicist/party planner/book-writin’ gal about town. I think she’s making oodles of money when she’s off-camera. She probably lunches with The Donald. I figure she’s picking up at least two-thirds of the rent. Or maybe she owns the place and just keeps the others around for amusement.

  36. Cornwhacker
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    31: Yes, this is a Sandwich Cookie Sandwich. Now all Billy needs to do is put his sandwich in between 2 large cookies and put stick the whole thing inside a loaf of bread. Then stuff the bread inside a chicken and the chicken inside a duck and the duck inside a turkey, feed the turkey to Dagwood, stuff Dagwood inside a camel and feed that to Cookie.

  37. Justafoob
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    C’mon, you expected some real action when Liz caught Officer Do Right?

    Puhleeeeeze. When she was RAPED it consisted of a guy making lewd remarks and standing there.

    Edgy the Fooberverse is not.

    It is all implied.

    Especially the sex between Mike and Deanna.

    And the sex between Mike and Weed.

  38. Anonymous
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    So Paul is fooling around?

    Didn’t see that coming. Wow.

  39. andreavis
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    #32- I think I know why Tommie has disappered– she knows Margo is about to layeth the smacketh down on Luann, so she’s gettin’ the heck out while the gettin’ is good.

  40. Widdle Jeffy
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Billy is obviously wanting a Dolly Sandwich. He saw Dennis doing Margret and has had a deep hankering ever since.

    That and after the cable installer made a Thel sandwich while Billy watched from the closet.

  41. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    #34 – Moss – I thought someone would comment on that, so I have a ready made response, unfortunately, it involves providing the URL to sites that Randall in “Clerks” would recommend (“Chicks with dicks!”), and I just don’t want to do the research for that on my work computer.

  42. Smitty Smedlap
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Did anybody else have a Rocky Horror moment there when whats-her-name shouted “coming!” in the first panel? In my head, I heard about a thousand voices all yelling “So’s Paul” in unison.

    Yeah. Rocky Horror. I’m old.

  43. Mac
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Wait… Billy reads “Blondie”? Now, that’s really unrealistic.

  44. Chrysantza
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Another lurker here, being dragged out of hiding by the banal yet riveting trainwreck that is the FOOB-verse.

    ‘Tis a pity there are no options in the poll such as “Liz becomes a spinster schoolteacher and loves it,” “Liz teaches English in Romania and marries a descendant of Count Dracula,” or “Liz becomes a lesbian (Lizbian?) and elopes with Deanna.” Ah well, anything is better than Granthony, right? Being devoured by a pack of feral Mtigwhatsit wolves is better than Granthony.

    Is Hell a place where sinners are transformed into Pattersons for an eternity of banality, self-righteousness and Precious Moments-ish faux “goodness?” And other sinners are condemned to marry said Pattersons…?

  45. JB2
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    I hope Lynn will have the decency to let Chipper and Suds give their side of the story. Liz abandoned Suds and expected him to leave the Great White North to live in suburban Toronto (as ugly and depressing as any suburbs anywhere – but with more snow). She did so knowing that Susan, on old friend of Paul’s, would be taking her place in more ways than one. And then she pointedly arrived a day early without calling anybody. Yeesh! At least five times in the last week she’s announced she’s getting there early.

  46. Islamorada Girl
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Run back to Granthony, Liz! He’ll never cheat on you! Who would have him but you? Women who marry imprisoned serial killers aren’t desperate enough to touch his doughy white nothingness!

  47. Axel Fusco
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    #19 Hogen Mogen and # 34 MossMoses: I really think Lynn is going the redemption route here. Finally a man who does right (Dudley Do Wright). She’s all about telegraphing her messages, and this one was there from the moment we first read Paul’s name.

  48. Cornwhacker
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Continued from #36: …then Cookie Bumstead is thrown into a stew prepared by”Cookie” from Beetle Bailey. The stew is served to General Halftrack, who throws up.

  49. Jimbo
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Leroy has the highest shoe size to height (3′ 6″) ratio I have ever seen. He took so long getting through security because his shoes wouldn’t fit in those plastic buckets they run through the X-ray machine.

  50. Smitty Smedlap
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    It sickens me that the current foob-doings enticed me to go to the foobian Web site — where I was further sickened to see on lizardbreath’s page that one of her ambitions is “to marry a man just like my dad!”

    Blargh.

    I’m sure that’s been pointed out before, but I hadn’t noticed it until today. If the Queen Foob is throwing us all a curveball with this storyline, I’ll be amazed — she certainly has all the signs pointing towards a life of flicking cinnabon crumbs out of blandthony’s pornstache.

  51. Groovymarlin
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    I’m going to freely admit that I usually only read Apartment 3-G when it’s featured here on the Curmudgeon, but I have to ask – does Margo own any outfit that doesn’t involve that pink turtleneck? It’s all she ever seems to be wearing!

  52. Saxman
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    FOOBS South

    We’ve been concentrating on events up north, but as the following linked article indicates, things down south could have turned out a lot worse than a no-fatality duplex fire.

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070111/od_nm/italy_murder_dc

  53. sally
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    TSA had better be very afraid. When the Lockhorn negative energy vortex bursts out, it will be in the form of karate kicks delivered by Leroy’s freakishly large deformed feet. Just LOOK at those suckers! Clearly, he wears minimizer shoes that he had to take off to get through security.

  54. Dennis Jimenez
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Talk about a chill up the spine – FBOFW – “frozen” in time – TDDUP. For all my cheap shots at FBOFW, I actually kind of like it and the real time continuity is one of the elements that made it a bit better than most – at least for me. The thought of endless Liz and Blanthony is enough to make me ill. Scuse me me while I heave.

  55. Chrysantza
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    And speaking of feet, is Loretta wearing footie pajamas? Or did she forget her shoes in the security bin?

  56. Timothy Burke
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Regarding what happens when the oreos and bread are gone, and Mom and Dad remain absent, I think that’s obvious. Billy moves on to butchering and eating Jeffy.

  57. Saxman
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Paul can deny all with some degree of plausability if he wants to. There are lots of perfectly reasonable explanations for his being at Susan’s. Liz has no proof of infidelity and I bet the town folks wouldn’t finger him.

    On the other hand, what would have happened if Liz had arrived as planned? Would Paul have told her “it’s off” anyway, or would Susan have slunk into the background while Lizpaul spent the weekend together?

  58. George Bungle
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    GT: Panel one. Maynard G. Krebs providing color commentary. Go, fighting beatniks!!

    “Roger, I’ve seen the best coaches of my generation
    destroyed by madness, running down last season’s stats hysterical naked,
    dragging their assistants through the downtown streets
    searching for a solid power forward excelling at
    grabbing boards and dishing assists,
    angelheaded hipsters burning for the guaranteed heavenly plays
    that win their teams a starry dynamo spot
    in the machinery of the Big East. Let’s take it down to the court…”

  59. Axel Fusco
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    I’m really glad Mr. & Mrs. Theodore “Lucky” Beaver are still alive. I got a little scared reading this in The Washington Post yesterday.

  60. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    If FC were put at the top of this post, it could be titled “Lord of the Flybrains”… or a much wittier version of same.

  61. gh
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    #58 George Bungle

    Hey! I did “Howl” a couple weeks ago! Er, just not as well.

    Heh heh.

  62. ghastlymess
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    I’m sure this has been mentioned, but instead of the comely Cookie Bumstead jammed tightly between two writhing Circus children (perhaps with the ghost of grampy as a spectred condiment), I end up seeing the chef from Beetle Bailey rammed between sarge and his dog, facial hair and dog hair and bad army food flung amidst the oil and the spunk.

    Mess hall indeed!

  63. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    willethompson: I’m answering this on the thread where it began (#898) but I’ll also post it on the most recent. It’s too bad there have been two (three?!?) new threads in the short time since you gave us your Gordon Lightfoot-inspired ballad but I think it’s great and shouldn’t be missed! Very well-written and I was able to sing it to the melody. Might be good I was at home at the time.

    Oh, and I hope it helps you to meet Sally!

  64. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    #59 – “Beverly threw an embolism after slapping her tail against the water a little too hard.”
    I didn’t know until now that beavers could do a Margaret Wise Brown encore!

  65. Allie Cat
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    When my husband and I were dating long distance, he surprised me by coming early for a visit once and I did not stand gaping in the door way with a confused look on my face – I squealed in delight, hugged him and brought him inside. Granted, I was alone, and not cheating on him.

    My point being – Paul is surprised to see Liz early – and not surprised-delighted, but surprised-terrified, surprised-guilty, surprised-CAUGHT!

    If this ends up any way but badly, then I’ll eat an entire cake that Lynn Johnston bakes next October after she pulls a burnt humble pie out of the oven.

    I’d love to think that maybe she’ll end up with Paul (or ANYONE) rather than Blandthony, but even the hopeless romantic in me says that Paul’s concealing something, but it’s NOT an engagement ring.

  66. cheech wizard
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    57 – On the contrary, Suds and Chips were ratted out by the first person – the guy who picked her up at the airport. Looks like the whole town knows that Paul has been offering Susan a sacred meal of Man Corn.

  67. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Another outcome that, dismally, sounds like something Lynn would write:

    Liz regains her if-looks-could-pummel look and verbally destroys the man. She storms off, keeping him in the same category as Osama, Hitler, and Lynn Johnston in her mind.

    A few days later, she learns he was killed on duty, and gets all sobbing and heartwrenched. Everyone will wax maudlin over such a tragically wonderful human being Paul was.

    And we’ll all barf like General Halftack.

    Needless to say, Liz finds comfort in Blanthony… all the way to the alter.

    Then, we vomit like Terry Jones in “Monty Python’s Meaning of Life”!

  68. ChristyNell
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    15: Love it.

    See, the thing with me is that right when Elizabeth was taking off for Mgitwhatever, I was taking off for England. Both of us on a life adventure at the same time! We were like soul sisters!

    So then I thought I could stay in England forever, but it fell through suddenly, and I had to come back to the States and move in with my parents, and I cried and cried and cried. And then Liz had the chance to stay, and voluntarily decided to move in with her parents, and now she’s about to marry a clone of her dad.

    She’s betrayed me. I hate her.

  69. smacky
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    # 54: “Talk about a chill up the spine – FBOFW – “frozen” in time…”

    If there’s any justice in the world, Johnston will freeze time on Lizard and Blandthony’s wedding night, just as Liz is reaching for Blandthony’s pale, waxy, overly freckeled “manhood” that had hung limply since the last (and only) time he was with a woman. You know, when he made that baby he keeps in the cage in the basement. At least then we can rest knowing Blandthony will be forever denied what he wants most in the world: Completely submissive and passionless sex with a foob-thighed saint.

  70. cheech wizard
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    BTW, panel 1 of today’s Get Fuzzy is about the most outrageous thing I’ve ever seen in the funny papers. I’m kinda suprised the syndicate and the Freep let it slip through – did any of the other papers out there pull it?

  71. MrG8000
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Re: #62… With apologies to Dave Barry, “The Spectred Condiments” would be a great name for a band.

  72. reader-who-posts
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: Let me get this straight. Mary essentially killed a man who was stalking her, but now she’s flying to Vietnam because her boyfriend won’t call her?

    JP: I assume this old biddy is in France? Are they speaking french in this strip? They all seem to have english or american names. If they are in Paris, why is there an agency providing english butlers to old biddies?

    Crock: sigh. No, it’s not like that at all. See, a bad cook teaching someone else to cook would be like the captain of the Titanic teaching someone how to steer a ship, not how to swim. The analogy you gave would only make sense if Grossie went to teach her how to vomit. And if she is such a bad cook, why are you both so fat? God do I hate Crock.

  73. Indiebass
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    #58: *snapping fingers above beret* I dig that man, and I mean in a real heavy way, you know? That’s a blast, big daddy.

    I wish there really was a Beat comic. That would be crazy, cats. Ca-razy.

  74. Gal Friday
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Dennis makes a Margaret sandwich and Billy makes a cookie sandwich–what’s next? Sluggo makes an Irma sandwich?

  75. Saxman
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    66

    I dunno. The guy who picked her up at the airpot didn’t come right out and say something like “I see them in the park kissing all the time” or “his car is parked there every night now.” he was pretty oblique.

    Paul, cad that he no doubt is, can pull the “nothing is going on. I’m helping her with a personal problem. can’t I have any friends who are girls. You’re the only one babe” trick.

    He could even pull an “this is an undercover operation. I really can’t talk about it.”

    “Undercover,” get it nudge nudge. (add gratuitous finger quoting).

    Liz’s sleazoid roommate back in college did worse (and as I recall, she bought it right up until the end).

  76. Cornwhacker
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s time to stop hoping Liz won’t end up with Anthony, and instead channel our collective energy into hoping that he’s shaved the moustache by the time the inevitible comes to pass. That’s about the best we’re gonna get now, I fear.

  77. Harry Paratestes
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: You know what needs to be done? Make a movie about the foobs that is so bad, (even worse than the plot, if such a thing were possible) and so filled with mismatched characters, that its very existence will drive foob admirers mad with disgust and cause them to abandon the strip.
    My take on the cast:
    John………….Ron Jeremy
    Elly……………RuPaul
    Michael…….Paul (Pee Wee Herman) Reubens
    Deanna…….Roseanne Barr
    Liz……………Macaulay Culkin (in drag)
    April…………Pia Zadora
    Granthony…Steve Buscemi
    Gramps……Peter Falk
    Iris…………….Farrah Fawcett

  78. Allie Cat
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    #78 – you forgot Paul – John Waters

  79. JudeMorrigan
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Having seen the recent strips featuring him, are you sure that it isn’t the dad in FC who’s run off with the mailman and the mom who’s passed out drunk?

  80. Spotted HØrse
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    #33 Corbie:

    I don’t think Paul’s expression says “busted” so much as befuddled– clearly he doesn’t understand Liz’s sudden hostility towards him.

    Yeah, I think you and Axel (among others) nailed it. I’m embarrassed to be played so adroitly by that smug, cookie-bakin’ bitch. Lynn suckered me.

    Even I know that in small towns, folks love to speculate on who’s doing it. Gary the Townie’s internal monologue about Liz having some inspecting to do is just typical small town gossip wank.

  81. gh
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Leroy makes a Loretta sandwich. Then feeds it to the dog.

  82. MaryAnnTheRest
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    #15 wille: That was awesome. Kudos and thanks for sharing.

    I wish that Liz was jumping to conclusions, but c’mon people, Pattersaints are NEVER WRONG. But what makes this worse is now we have to endure a week of wise tribal wisdom about it. The only things I hate worse than Lynn’s wise tribal wisdom are Anthony thought balloons and Mike’s writing samples. The idea that all three of these things come from the same person’s head … can you have someone committed against their will in Canada?

    Also, has anyone posted this letter from Scott Kurtz to Bill Amend?
    http://www.pvponline.com/blog/3074/my-open-letter-to-bill-amend-and-his-equals

  83. Spotted HØrse
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    #70 cheech wizard: I’m glad someone else noticed GF, which surprised me and made me laugh today. I think that the syndicate had to play dumb on this one… “Do they ever play the Packers?”

    And I was quite cheered to read that the Dutch are butch. I love saying that, especially with a Michael Caine accent.

  84. queek
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    70: “Do they ever play the Packers”

    no subtext there, no sirree.

  85. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Harry Paratestes, I like your cast. Now I’ll supply you with the Lifetime Hallmark Showcase version:

    John…….. Donald Sutherland
    Elly……… Teri Garr
    Michael… Kirk Cameron
    Deeana… Leah Remini
    Liz………. Sarah Chalke
    April*…… Sara Gilbert
    Anthony… Dick van Patten
    Paul…….. Enzo Squillino, Jr.
    Warren…. Jeremy Piven
    Farley….. Rex
    Chinnuts.. Kirk Douglas
    Iris………. Florence Stanley

    I apologize to any actors whose names I misspelled.

    * – In the animated version, For Better or For Worse in Space, Sara Gilbert will supply the voice for the sassy robot, April 2005.

  86. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Why has no one remarked on the small cloud of death hovering between Liz and Susan in the doorway?

  87. Cornwhacker
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    72: If I remember correctly, Aunt Rachel is an American who owns a second home in Paris, and is over there now to get it ready for Ned’s stay. As for the butlers: all comic strip butlers are British, don’t you know? Just like all girl animals have bows on their heads.

    Personally, I would’ve called the new guy Smithers, like the butler from Archie or the Simpsons character whose fashion sense he is clearly trying to emulate. His name is actually “Hart”, though, so maybe we’ll see some JP/BC crossover, if we’re lucky.

  88. violet
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    While Granthony is trailing admirably in the online poll at 18%, we’re still doomed. Even if Lynn suddenly realized that her whole life has been a sham and the only way to save herself was to allow Liz to fly free, she’s probably already submitted a week or two’s worth of Chipper’n’Suds-bashing comics to the syndicate.

  89. A-chan
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    …I’ve been wanting to say this for several days now. What in the hell is wrong with the landlady in RM:MD? Elvis is doing all but rubbing his hands together and cackling maniacally. When did she go from tough landlady cracking wise about how Nikki’s mom’s behind on rent but he’s an okay kid to clueless and obviously blind old bat? I think she must be deaf, too; I can hear the malevolence dripping from Elvis’s voice and I’m not even in the same plane of reality.

    (Also, the phrase ‘The Moustache’ used on this site makes me giggle everytime I see it. The continued use of it is the only light I see at the end of the dead-end train tunnel that is the foredrawn conclusion of FBofW.)

  90. OohShiny
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Too much exposition?

    Emended script for FOOB:

    Frame 1: no dialog.

    F2-
    LIZ: Paul here?

    SUSAN: Uh? Yeah…

    F3-
    PAUL: Uhh…

    F4-
    LIZ: A man’s gotta know his limitations.

  91. Donald The Anarchist
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    FOOB The only thing I can think of is that Paul has a noticeable erection, the kind Liz only arouses by either playing Nell to his Snidely Whiplash or, y’know, TOUCHING the damn thing. Which, this sounds overly analytical, but while it may be EVIDENCE of infidelity, it’s hardly PROOF. (Or, restated, it’s hard evidence, but it’s hardly proof. That sounds better.) After all, he could have been “brought to attention” by the sound of Liz’s voice. Or their could have been something on TV. And, sometimes, the damn things pop up for no reason at all. Of course, in Lynn Johnston’s world, good decent men only get them every month or so, just enough to allow for a little procreation during estrus, then they put their heads down like good little boys and go back to sleep. I swear, I almost prefer Andrea Dworkin’s style of man-hatred.

    A3G I think Margo needs to have a serious talk with LuAnn. I think that ghost is probably touching her in all the wrong ways, and LuAnn doesn’t even know enough about her own anatomy to realize it. C’mon Margo, hold up a Barbie and ask Luann to tell you EXACTLY where the ghost brushed against you. Either that or leave it alone. At least a horny ghost won’t get her pregnant.

  92. Squawk
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Stupid question, but is Susan a man?

    A3G: Love the look on Luann’s face in the last panel, in which she’s confronted with a metaphor that positively baffles her.

    FC: An Oreo is its own sandwich, you little dipshit.

    Lockhorns: The first, and hopefully the last, strip in the history of comics to mention a polyp.

  93. willethompson
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    #20 Hogen Mogan – Damn. I don’t follow the strip closely, but I recall Warren looking something like Rick Blaine at the Paris train station when Lizardbreath showed up with Paul and then they coptered off? No? Oh, well, as my spelling will attest, accuracy is not my strong suit. Feel free to change that couplet to:

    She tried for a year, then said “I’m outta here!”
    And then she departed by cop car.’

    which is better because the rhyme is worse. After all, the original rhymed ‘feed ya’ with ‘know ya.’

    #63 Dingo – gee, no answer from Sally yet. I shoulda saved those lyrics for the second date?

  94. Len
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    If Judge Parker’s Paris has a butler’s agency that provides English-speaking WASPy young men, we can expect Mary Worth’s Vietnam/Hanoi to be filled with polite European peasants in black pajamas.

    Geeze, Louise!

  95. Jives
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    This isn’t the FOOBOCOLOYPSE! This isn’t even dramatic enough to turn Rip Torn’s drunken head from the honking thrall of oncoming traffic.

    The real FOOBOCOLYPSE is a cavalcade of fiery doom brought on by the dramatic return of the Mother Foob who will feed the faithful with crumby muffins. She will fry the smoking downstairs tenants in the embers of their own red-hot cigar ash. In the howling winds of northern Ontario she will rip out the FOOB world and use magnets to affix it to the forlorn astral refrigerator where it belongs … a minor distraction on the way to procure cosmic cream for the Eternal One’s galactic coffee.

  96. GotFuzzy
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    #15: great lyrics, willie! This is the best thing to come out of the big steaming pile of disappointment that FOOB has become.

    #58: George, the mashup of hipster beatnik free verse with the brushcut squareness that is (DT)GT is just what I needed to take my mind off the steaming pile of FOOB.

    #70: cheech, Darb has gotten much worse past the censors. Was it last year or the year before that Bucky declared that beaver was the thing to eat for Valentine’s Day?

  97. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    willethompson, you never know with the womens. Showing your hand (with the lyrics) on the first date might have gotten you a second or she may have fled from the shear weight of her unworthiness. Waiting until the second date, she may have already have formed an opinion about you as to what type of man you were and father you would be. This second date pronking may have sent her into the arms of an old high school boyfriend, destined to live out her life in a cage in his basement. When it comes to lyrics, willethompson, it’s sorta like your penis: put the goods out in the open for them to see right away and let ‘em decide if they’re buyin’ it or asking the butcher to see a different selection of meat.

    Hell, it worked for me!

  98. Anonymous
    January 11th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW has forced me to start posting, which may or may not be a good thing… The problem is, of course, that I keep trying to compare Liz’s life to mine. Apperantly, I’m Captain Excitement. Anyhow, assuming that my boyfriend flew up from California to visit me in my Alaskan village in the middle of nowhere (all actually true), and he was early or unexpected… Well, assuming he checked out all my friend’s houses, including my male friends, and eventually saw my car, and my male friend opened the door (to his own house, the cheek), and I popped up as soon as I heard his voice at the door… Look, the point I’m trying to make is that Liz is being ridiculously parniod. Paul can’t hang out with women. God forbid he visits an old friend. They must be having an affair. If my swain was anywhere near as domineering as Liz, I’d drop him faster than Funky Winkerbeans can start a sly smile.

    You know, I was actually glad to open my paper and see all the comics reach a undreamt of level of stupidity. At least that means the comments here will be funny, and that makes up for it.

  99. Sheilagh
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Good god, y’all.

    Someone says “mash-up of beatnik poets”… I’m bored to tears here at work… I google for Alan Ginsburg’s Howl, which I’ve never read. I start to read it. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but THIS bit:

    “with dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, alcohol and cock and endless balls,

    incomparable blind streets of shuddering cloud and lightning in the mind leaping toward poles of Canada & Paterson, illuminating all the motionless world of Time between”

    Canada???? Paterson (Patterson)??? Coincidence??? I think NOT!!!

    Note the shuddering cloud between Liz and Susan in panel 2. That PROVES it! Foobocalypse NOW!

  100. Len
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    #91 — “At least a horny ghost won’t get her pregnant.”

    But ectoplasm stains are impossible to remove from your clothes! Spooge from the netherworld! Bleagh!

  101. PurpleMartin
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Honestly what does she expect? She goes home running to Mommy and Daddy and ditches the guy expecting him to uproot his job, and life, when she had a job too up there….expecting him to follow like some kind of dupe…FOLLOW ME PAUL…. His main problem was being dishonest and too cowardly to not just dump her like a hotrock when she made the “Im going back home to Mommy and Daddy” plea. Come on what would you do if your girlfriend decided to leave the town you both lived in despite an intact job? This would prove to any young man with half a brain, that she really didnt want to grow up and the relationship had no future. I am finding Lizbreath and her bloated lips to be less and less a sympathetic character.

    FC: Come on in the anorexia household with skinny Bil and Thel would there really be any stray Oreos around for them to gorge on and blow their diets and trim figures? That’s unless this is the rare circumstance of couple’s bulimia….

  102. Ten Day Dinosaur
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I claim that anon. post.

  103. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    And I turned, and lifted up mine eyes, and looked,
    and behold, there came four FOOBS from between two Mounties;
    and the Mounties were mountin’ their ass!
    The first FOOB was wearing a red conductor’s cap;
    and the second FOOB was black (minor character);
    And the third FOOB went roadside;
    And the fourth FOOB was grisled and smelling of prime rib.
    Then I answered and said unto the spirit that
    talked with me, What are these, Ella?
    And the elderly spinster said unto me, These
    are the four FOOBs of the heavens, which go forth
    from standing before Lynn Johnston, Queen of the Earth.
    The black FOOB who is therein goes forth into Ontario; and the roadside FOOB does not go in but gets others in her;
    and the grisled goes forth toward the south country (Cancun or Playa del Carmen).
    The train conductor went forth, and sought to go that they
    might walk to and fro through the earth: and he said, Get you kids away from my yard display!
    So the kids walked on the sidewalk yet cursed the wretched man.
    Then cried he upon me, and spake unto me, saying, Behold, my life has gone to shit and all I have
    To rejoice of for worldly possessions is my train display and
    my wife’s sagging breasts.
    And I said unto him, Could be worse.
    You could be a character in Mary Worth.

  104. Widdle Jeffy
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Bill and Thel have found something to bond over, the couple that hurls together — stay together.

  105. Gal Friday
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    #77 #85 The ONLY person who could portray Granthony is Ned Flanders from The Simpsons.

  106. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Gal Friday, could Rod and Todd portray Merrie and Robin?

  107. andreavis
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    #67- Mibbitmaker- great FOOB storyline! I’ll bring the bucket. “Would you like a plot? It’s waafer theen!

  108. AhClem
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    “…I’ve got two cavities and a polyp.”

    I haven’t flown anywhere for a few years, but I had no idea that the TSA is now performing colonoscopies as part of their security screening.

  109. Gal Friday
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    FW–Holy mackerel–wasn’t Wally Jr born on Dec 24? And now a couple of weeks later he can sit and hold his head up? And his head is now the size of the Jack Elrod Ball!

  110. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Re: Qlinq, qlonq, etcetera –
    The new adventure of Diq Tracy will be that he disqovers a qonspiracy by Quisp and Quake to taqe over the cereal market. The Quaker Oat Guy is their underqover agent. It’ll be aqtion paqued.

  111. gh
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    #110 Hogen Mogen

    *chortle*
    *snort*

    Very piquant.

  112. Calico
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    # 92 – A Boy Named Sue.

  113. Jack Drake
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Foob – Wow, way to jump the gun, there, Liz… you knock on the door of your SO’s old friend and he’s there talking to her (apparently innocently) and you decide it’s too late for your relationship? Maybe she does deserve to be with pr0n-stache after all. If she’s going to immediately jump to the conclusion that he’s messing around on her without any evidence what-so-ever to the contrary, she needs someone so incredibly bland that she never has to worry about him cheating on her… ever.

    After all, who else would want him? Certainly not his first wife and, if the whole pining away for Liz is any indication, no one else would put up with it… they deserve each other.

    Totally Disgusted
    – Jack

  114. the disembodied voice
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Again, whathisface’s reaction as he was driving her was a complete giveaway–there IS no explanation. He answered Liz’s question, “With Susan? or WITH Susan?” with, “…you’ll have to talk to THEM about that,” which is, while not explicit, pretty unambiguous.

    Sigh. Warren’s reappearance keeps me hoping…I bet he’s a red herring, though.

    Or maybe Lynn’s setting us up to THINK that Paul’s cheating when in fact all will be okay…?!

    Also–for once, I completely agree with Margo’s snarkiness. Luann deserves all of that and more.

  115. Matt
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure that the Lockhorns panel is the first colonoscopy joke on the funny pages, certainly the first I’ve ever seen. Another major event that I really don’t want to think about.

  116. Poppinjay
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Who committed this grim Dahmer-esque act of cannibalism on this young lady from the Bumstead family?

    Ida Know! Not Me!

  117. gump worsley
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    #99 — Great catch.

    Although I can tell you from personal experience, Paterson NJ is nowhere near as saintly as the Patterson’s universe.

  118. Booper
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Last gasp of denial and then I give up — Paul is sewing a pretty little princess dress for Liz, ala Gunther, and Susan was helping sew on the sequins.

    Get Fuzzy — My favorite comic (next to Mutts). I was so excited about the Wisconsin reference (seeing as I live in Wisconsin), I completely missed the subtext behind the Packers comment. Now I love Get Fuzzy even more.

  119. Chrysantza
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    FOOB, in a way, is rather like those documentaries on newly-discovered Amazon tribespeople or something. We get a glimpse of a worldview so different from our own.

    The Johnstonian worldview, apparently, is one where young women prefer living with their parents, and then going from their parents’ nest right into the oh-so-exciting life of marrying a limp-dicked bore with a pornstache and being full-time stepmother to some other woman’s squalling brat. INSTEAD of going off to an adventurous life in the frozen north and marrying someone dashing and handsome. The latter is definitely what I, and all other women I know, would choose, but then I’m not a subscriber to Johnstonianism.

  120. brendan
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Foobity boobity.

    I love Lizzie’s comeuppance: it is richly deserved.
    So on that note, I wrote not one, but two blogs on the topic.

    pardon the lack of comments at brendacalling, by the way: I had an exceptionally tenacious troll, and decided that by denying him a platform to annoy, he’d probably go away in a few weeks. Comments should retun in the next 3-5 months I expect.

  121. Plinko Commie
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    FC: You’re all missing the point. Billy is saying Dagwood would be jealous because of his Cookie sandwich involving Oreos. Clearly this means one thing: Billy –> black chick –> Cookie –> black chick –> Jeffy. Poor Dagwood can’t get the sisters to come along for the ride when HE makes a Cookie sandwich. Just don’t stick around for when he makes a PB&J sandwich (i.e. he lays between the vertically split corpse of PJ).

    Foob Better or Foob Worse: Reprising a question from the forum — why, if Lizardbreath was such an important part of the village, wouldn’t someone have given her a heads up that Paul was two-timin’ her? Passive-aggressive revenge for her leaving them for the homogenous harmony of Foob Tree HIll. I hope she jumps to a stupid and short-sighted conclusion (since nobody’s acting guilty or anything). But we all know where this one’s going. The sad part is, there’s probably blue-hairs in Omaha and Fort Wayne shocked to TEARS about this horrifying turn, one we assume every sentient being in North America saw coming from months away.

  122. bartleby
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    FOOB today makes me want to weep. I used to think it was one of the best strips out there — it dealt with real-life subjects and did so realistically: Mrs. Baird’s death, Marion’s illness and death, the middle-age pregnancy of Elly. But it’s gone downhill for years, and Lynn doesn’t even write coherent storylines anymore, just one-off crapfests.

    This character assassination of Paul Mr. Freakin’ W”right” is just bullshit. She introduces him as perfect for Liz, and now is going to reduce him to a cheating manwhore? I’m the one who feels betrayed.

    I started to get disenchanted when that skank April was responsible for Farley’s death but Lynn gave her a free pass, but I really started to hate the strip just recently, when Liz left Mitzigaynorville (where she loved living) to move back home and regress so much.

    I want to say, “Jesus Christ, Anthony! Grow some balls again and suck it up! Stop stalking Liz and coming on to her at her rape trial! And shave the damn pornstache!”

    Liz and Warren the pilot never had a thing going that was shown. They were always just friends, but now he’s pining with love for her too?

    I used to get jealous that Michael, a comic strip character, was a writer and I couldn’t find a writing job, but that was before I read the FOOB Web site and saw just what a sucktastic “writer” he is (and besides, I now get paid to write, so I’m cool).

    Deanna used to be a smart, intelligent woman, but now she’s just the one responsible for the care of the kids, who are creepy and ugly. Why couldn’t widdle Wobin just die already?

    And Iris just pisses me off with her pathetic need for Jim, and her own chinnuts. I don’t see it as caregiving at all. If there was a way, I bet she caused Jim’s stroke to have someone to take care of.

    I wish this strip had ended when it was still strong and had not degenerated to this disgusting mess.

  123. Harry Paratestes
    January 11th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    JP: You know you’ve got problems when your new butler is Kevin, the psychopath from ‘Sin City’. Watch your hands, lady!

  124. Widdle Jeffy
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s FC is going to show Billy with a hotdog roll saying he wants to make an Alexander sandwich.

    I guess next door to the Keanes are the Wooleys and on the other side the Bumsteads.

    Billy should really put away the telescope and quit watching the neighbors and what they are up to.

  125. willethompson
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Sheilagh #99 – Well, I’ll be Margoed. Ginzberg and FOOB. I haven’t touched HOWL since college, but there it is, big as can be, echoing like silent thunder across the space/time continuum. Holy flurking snertz. It’s like Einstein looking up from the patent application for a steam-powered melon baller and thinking, “Time. Relative? It…could…WORK!” Damn. This is more profound than Fudd’s First Law. Your doctorate for comparative lit is waiting for you at the University of Toronto.

  126. Sheilagh
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    I apologize for misspelling Allen. You’re not gonna take points off, are you? :-)

  127. Dennis Jimenez
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    RE: 124 – Billy enjoys an Alexander sandwich – i.e. a footlong with relish.

  128. Hogen Mogen
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Several strips have crossed over into Family Circus territory, like Pearls b4 Swine and of course during the unmitigated Blondie monkey spank of 2005. This is the Keane dynasty’s weak and barely coherent attempt at revenge. “Vengeance is mine”, sayeth the Lord.

  129. Groovymarlin
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: You know a storyline is bad when it makes you nostalgic for the “April’s snotty friend who becomes the new Britney Spears” plotline.

  130. Old Fogeyette
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps I am just too old or too naive, but what was the subtext in Fuzzy this morning?

  131. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Yet another one:

    Liz gives Paul hell, but he puts her in her place for her abusively controlling behavior; he can’t ever talk to women? Liz sees the error of her ways and Paul forgives her.

    Next day, Liz happens upon Paul conversing with some guy. Liz runs in a jealous panic: “PAUL! Y-you’re GAY?!!

  132. Spotted HØrse
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    I assume that like Stephen Colbert’s character, Lynn Johnston considers herself color blind. She just doesn’t see color. Therefore this Mountie situation will have to be handled oh so delicately (which is one reason I’ve flipflopped and now believe that it’s Mr. Wright by a nose). Lynn doesn’t want to portray Paul as a Chipper sniffin’ dog. Remember… First Nation People are noble, small town folks who exist to illustrate family and community values.

    Paul will protest his innocence. He will then take Liz to forensics department at his workplace, and meekly submit to having his penis dusted for vomit. The results will prove his chastity. Yay science!

  133. ChefMike
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    The whole Foob thing, as several have most likely already predicted is going to be one giant misunderstanding. Paul should be like “too late? no you’re too [Margo]ing early. I was just over here helping Chipper bake cookies for your ‘welcome back’ celebration that was supposed to happen TOMORROW, you know, the day you told everybody the bus would be arriving. I mean really did you forget how to use a [Margo]ing phone or what?”

  134. 420
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    130….anal sex- more than likely by two males, lesbians and masturbation.

  135. gh
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    #130 Old Fogeyette

    Man CIty. Man-on-man City. I think. I’m not all that sure myself.

  136. Marion Delgado
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Paul tells lizz she has to learn to share … starting now!

    Chipper, take your top back off. Liz, follow her into the bedroom.

  137. Cornwhacker
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Ah, the Woodleys! I hadn’t even considered how they’d figure into Billy’s sandwich. It’ll need Herb dressing, of course, and heck, if your sandwich already has cookies on it, you might as well add Tootsie Rolls (assuming Mrs. Woodley’s name is Tootsie, which I think it is, but can’t be bothered to look up right now).

    How long has the term “blondie” been around to describe a brownie without the cocoa? Was Cookie so named to riff off of that? And don’t forget, Alexander’s name was originally “Baby Dumpling”.

    Pinko Commie: PB&J. Brilliant.

  138. Zane
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    I am guilty of reading the creepy blinking FBoFW every day on the official site. It’s well drawn, I like the way the characters age in real time, and if the daily gentle puns make me a little ill, I’ve always found other things to recommend it.

    This just makes me sad.

    On the bright side, Mary Worth has completely lost her mind. So that’s nice.

  139. Rhekarid
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Margo doesn’t need to be the master tenant. Lu Ann is too stupid to deal with her, and Tommie isn’t allowed to have any lines.

  140. NEW-ME
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    We all know that the (so-called) men in Foobville grovel at the feet of the female bubbe-butt’s.. the mountie will be on his knees immediately and Liz Pattersaint will walk all over him. I hate this strip more than strep throat and chicken pox together.

  141. Terryfic
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

  142. Flan
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    I think Family Circus is getting too topical. Commenting on what else is going on in the newspaper is not the way you build a comics empire. It’s through the gradual lowering of our standards that your famous for.

  143. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    #131, continued…

    Paul is speechless.
    Liz: “I’m sorry…it’s okay, it’s who you are. I won’t feel jilted, honest. I have a friend named Lawrence…”

    Paul: “No, no, no! I’m not gay! I can’t even talk to a man -??!”

    Liz apologizes as Paul walks away, shaking his head in disbelief.

    Later that day, Liz sees Paul, again. This time he’s petting a dog. She runs up…

    Liz: “Oh, now that’s SICK!!

  144. Sam Frank
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Billy may be telling his little brother (and himself?) that he’s eating a “cookie sandwich”, but my eyes tell me them little circles ain’t nothing but pickle jar lids.

  145. gh
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Let us go then, you and I,
    When the comics are spread out and we lie
    Like patients etherised upon a table;
    Let us go, through Mary’s crawling plots,
    The muttering “I thought”s
    Of Luann’s nights in creepy studio tale
    And JP’s world with pacing like a snail:
    Plots that follow like a tedious argument
    Of uncertain intent
    To lead you to an overwhelming question …
    Oh, do not ask, “Still longer?”
    What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

    In the room Curmudgeons come and go
    Talking of Mark Trail and Lio.

    (take it, someone, anyone)

  146. Lockedhorn
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    Ah, sweet, dear Loretta.

    Married to a retard.

    Still wearing your unitard.

    I’d come up with something else, but I am a bastard.

  147. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    And as if #131 and 143 weren’t silly enough (and, by gosh, don’tcha think it oughta be?), here’s yet another possibility:

    Paul is cheating. However, Liz notices something: he’s with his childhood sweetheart. They look nice together. They belong together. It’s sweet.

    She acknowleges this, wishes them happiness, and leaves MtigGuffin. As a deludedly in-love Warren thinks romantic thoughts on their way home, she comes to the conclusion that her and Anthony have what Chipper ‘n’ Suds have. It’s time to take Anthony back once and for all!

    She sees him at a Welcome Back, Liz party.

    Liz: “Anthony! I’m glad I found you. I want us to be -”

    Blanthony: “Hey, Liz! Um – during the two days you were away, I found this wonderful girl! Her name is Michelle (with an accent mark on the 2nd e), and we’re getting married tomorrow! Isn’t it GREAT? Um – we’d better stay away from each other after this… she’s the jealous type, I’m afraid.”

    Liz is dumbfounded! After a pause, she looks closer…

    “Is that a second moustache you’ve got there??!”

  148. Dennis Jimenez
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Alexander enjoys a Billy – a skewered and wilted cocktail frank.

  149. Randy
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    The truly pathetic thing about the Liz-Paul denouement is that long-time readers know that she can do much, much better at the break up. After all, she is the one who gave her boyfriend’s hockey gear to the charity thrift store when she found out he was cheating on her.

  150. Jason
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    We have a 2 day streak of unintentionally naughty sandwich related jokes and so far its been in the least naughty strips ever! The ones my grandma likes. I’m hoping this continues tomorrow.

  151. ScuffedB
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    I hate to disagree with Josh on the power structure of the ladies of Apartment 3G, but I think there is something just beneath the surface going on here.

    Look at the barely-reined in joy on Lu Ann’s face as Margo again ‘wittily’ points out Lu Ann’s spaciness.

    To be frank, I think Lu Ann is an emotional masochist who digs the way Margo puts her down. She’s enjoys the rips and taunts that Margo throws down, possibly to an unhealthy degree.

    Perhaps Lu Ann was told as a youngster that “Daddy drinks because you cry.” She clearly equates emotional abuse with love. This apartment is one savage hotbed of emotionally damaged women–which is to say, exactly like any real life apartment with 3 single women in it. Zing!

  152. ChristyNell
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    141: That really clears things up, but would you mind adapting it to a ProModel simulation while you’re at it? That’d be great, thanks. Meeting at 3.

  153. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    However it all ends, the closing will paraphrase from Marvin the Paranoid Android:

    “And they lived Lizerably ever after”

  154. Spotted HØrse
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    #148 Dennis Jimenez: Withered cocktail wienies are for Mom and Dad too!

    With this wiener I thee taunt

  155. Corbie
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    #145

    “The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock.”

    Seeing TS Eliot’s work Curmudgeonized is rather like eating an Oreo sandwich– so wrong, yet weirdly tasty.

  156. MossMoses
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Mary: I never noticed dreams before but after the clairvoyant biddy told me to pay attention to them I am doing exactly what my subconscious tells me to do, whether or not it actually makes any rational sense to my conscious cognitive reasoning.

    Toeby: Huh?

  157. Axel Fusco
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Does Mary Worth forget that she has rejected the good Dr. Jeff on countless occasions? Why does she feel he owes her any kind of communication??? Selfish b****!

  158. zeeba
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G History: Back in the 90s, I think, Admiral Powers died and left his estate to LuAnn, so she quit her teaching job and is just living off the interest. She may be the bankroll of the rent controlled Apt. 3G (does the professor still live in 2E or something like that?), but Margo is the brains of the unit.

    FOOB: Johnston repeats history (over and over again):
    Mike catches Rhetta cheating on him and they split up.
    Liz catches Eric cheating on her and they split up.
    Liz catches maybe Paul maybe cheating on her and maybe they split up?
    Can’t LJ think of an original reason for breaking up rather than the cheating? Or is that the only “acceptable” (yeah, Margo!!) reason for breaking up with someone?

  159. Sheilagh
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Mike and Martha (? was it Martha?) split up over something other than infidelity. (Maybe apathy.) Ditto for Liz and Stache-boy…

  160. winky
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    hmm… i read that FOOB cloud in panel 2 as a flatus expelled from liz’s anus. a stink cloud, if you will.

  161. blueeyes
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Get Fuzzy is awesome!

  162. Pelagius
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    What should be the first panel in tomorrow’s FOOB (judging from the facial expressions in today’s final panel):

    Susan: “Paul, I told you she was a jealous, manipulative little haole bitch.”
    Paul: “Liz, I was just showing Susan the ring I’d bought you with three month’s of my salary…” [thanks Axel]
    Liz: “Gasp!” [with accompanying vapor cloud and closeup of pouty lips and makeup]
    Paul: “But I guess Susan was right. First you ask me to leave my people behind to join you in Toronto, and even after that you don’t respect me enough to extend the slightest bit of trust.”
    Liz: “But Paul…”
    Paul: “Go to hell, Elizabeth.” *SLAM*

  163. Big Stu
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Well, it looks like the ballot stuffing measures of the curmudgeons has paid off with a resounding defeat of the Bland One. But why do people want the Lizard to end up with someone decent? For goodness sake, all the characters in the Foobworld are execrable, except for Gordo the Self Made Man, hero of the free market. Paul the Mountie would be alright, but his awful taste in women (Liz) takes him down many notches. Warren is a cipher with rotors. Frankly, I will toast Liz’s incarceration in Blandthony’s basement gulag.

  164. Axel Fusco
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    # 163 Big Stu:
    “…all the characters in the Foobworld are execrable, except for Gordo the Self Made Man….”

    I think you have a typo or two in there. Here’s what I assume you meant:
    “…all the characters in the Foobworld are excrement, especially Gordo the Self Made Man….”

  165. gh
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    What with all the religious terms flying around, Foobloatharian, Foobocalypse, it’s never (as far as I know) been pointed out what denominations the various characters belong to. I’m thinking Granthony is Emascularian.

  166. Allie Cat
    January 11th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    #159 – In the case of both Mike/Martha and Liz/Blandthony, they broke up because they drifted apart.

    As punishment, both Blandthony and Martha’s marriages ended in divorce and they have small kids – in her case, TWINS.

    The Johnstonian Moral – those who do not marry a Patterson are doomed to fail.

  167. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    And in non-FOOB related news:

    MFSo, Tinsley’s boycotting China. Oddly enough, due to the erosion of our manufacturing base, about the only goods the US still produces are beer and Chevys. Coincidence? I think not.

    JP Ok, show of hands: Do want to see more of a) the gripping butler-replacement subplot or b) the Neddy-gets-liquored-up-with-the-asian-stewardess subplot. Ok then, let’s move on.

    MT Yeah, the poor things were separated but that’s better than shooting them!. Clearly, Katie has never read FOOB.

  168. The Ray
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Seriously, why does every FOOB episode these days end with a tarted-up Liz? At some point betwen panels three and four she applied clown/whore makeup (after apparently taking it off between panels two and three).

  169. Lynngineering
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    As mentioned already, Lynn wants to continue the script without any longer having a reference to natural aging process. Wouldn’t it be great if she decided to start the same day over and over and over…. oh – and always a SUNDAY strip.

    Elly: Liz, I have just the right man for you, he’s a [fill blank, some services industry] and I asked him and he’s single!” Liz: “Mooommmm! Please stop that!…is he cute?”
    April: “Whooooeee!”
    Dad: “It’s train time! Where’s my engineer’s hat?”
    Grandpa (thought bubble, he’s never tried to recover from the stroke): Lord, please hide me from Iris today, please…

  170. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    #158 zeeba: Gawd, I hate to admit to this but I already did in a post a few weeks ago. When it comes to the cheating angle, Lynn is probably more in tune with our natural tendencies than we care to admit. I had a relationship that was totally out of sync. 11 year age difference (me the older). Me a good-natured easy-going type in cahoots with someone I learned later would be described as a bi-polar manic depressive. During the courtship process, we would have five or six days that went really well and then I’d say hello in the wrong way and – BAM! – two days of absolute hell. And then… it would go back to normal. There were so many times I thought to just walk away but didn’t. We moved in together. Same situation but now I don’t have my own place to go to and get away from everything during his “man period.” Plus, it wasn’t just once a month. Over a short amount of time, my family and friends watched me withdraw. What did it finally take for me to kick his sorry ass to the curb? He cheated on me. Up until then, every breath in my body kept thinking that there had to be a way to work it out and if I didn’t try I was the bad guy. When he finally cheated – and lied to my face about it – that was when I unleashed the wrath of a thousand gods upon him. Left him with his bed, his clothes, a wine rack he whined about in Cost Plus, and a bill for $2,900 to be paid back until zeroed. Took him four years.

    Now, I’m currently 42. This all happened to me between the ages of 35 and 37. I’m of the age, and I believe a lot of others on here are as well, that I was reared to believe that cheating was the only acceptable reason to leave. If Johnston is, as she admitted, a child of the 50s, I can understand that being her mindset, too.

    I just wish it had been Paul driving down to lower Ontario a day early and finding Liz with pornstache cock in her mouth and a smegma mustache she couldn’t refute.

    p.s. – What’s nice is when life hands you that relationship you wanted at the moment you least expected it.

  171. Kdog
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Tinsley just got out of detox so is finally able to make some New Year’s resolutions? Will one of them include not getting behind the wheel while breathing 0.15? You can’t blame the Chinese for that…

  172. Forthillrox
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Regardless of what happens, I’m kind of hoping that Liz goes off on a Marjorie Dawes-like tantrum (Fat Fighters on Little Britain), walking away smiling after wishing them luck, then cooly keying his car or throwing a lit cigarette into the gas tank as she walks by it on her way out. That would be wicked cool and it would make me like Liz so much more.

  173. Gal Friday
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    “…I’ve got two cavities and a polyp.”

    Just wait until Mary Worth gets TSA-ized on her way to Vietnam!

  174. doughy lawyer Roy
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy is the Dingo of comic strips.

  175. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Doughy lawyer Roy, I want a t-shirt with that!

  176. dramashoes
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    What the hell. Elizabeth, are you really so stupid and arrogant as to think Paul would wait around for you after you abandoned him and his people? What do you want him to do, put on a chastity belt and give you the key? I don’t think that would work. You and Paul don’t have the kind of close relationship that Margo and I do. Damn, this thing is crushing my foreskin again.

  177. 420
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    170 Dingo…You had me at Gawd.

    That was beautiful. I feel like I know you.

  178. Krazy Kat
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Sumbody ben drinkin’ Haterade

  179. Mountain Mama
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    OK: MW bitch of the day: Why does Mary say, “Our insightful neighbor Ella Byrd’? How many Ellas live there? How many Ella Byrds live there? Argh.

    Oh, hell. Bitch #2 of the day: “heed her advice.” Who talks like that in 2007? I refuse to believe you prefer to speak that stiltingly!

    And finally, a FOOB comment. I was so hoping against hope for this storyline, but here it is. But anyway, #158? Yes, cheating is the only acceptable way to end a relationship, especially a marriage.

    You see, I have come to the horrible conclusion that Lynn Johnston and my mother were separated at church somehow. This is life as my religious-but-not-in-the-good-Jesus-loves-you-no-matter-what-way-but-the-life-is-not-to-be-enjoyed-but-endured-until-death-so-you-meet-God-way mother would write it and there are only two acceptable reasons to divorce: adultery or physical abuse.

    Moving more than 20 miles from home is also wrong, as Lynn endlessly subconsciously tells us, and that is also my mother’s opinion.

    How long have I been in therapy over crap like this? Not nearly long enough, apparently.

    Any liquor left over from the New Years’ party? I need a drink!

  180. Lynngineering
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Also – the panels for FBOFW, which are in color online, like on yahoo, really make the difference in shades of color relations a bit more sharply in focus. I mean, its just missing in the black and white outlines.

  181. Harry Paratestes
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Paul’s expression seems to be one of surprised horror, as though Liz’s bare chest was accidentally exposed and she was exhibiting a pair of hairy daddaries instead of the shapely mammaries that he had expected. Still partially pre-op, eh?

  182. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Mountain Mama, are we related? I swear your grandmother and my grandmother were sisters and reared our mothers on the same five basic food groups (meat, dairy, fruit&vegetable, grains, and guilt) that all good Midwesterners know. I’m currently living back at home, one sister lives a block north, one a block south, and the last lives 45 miles away and gets grief for it!

    I’m looking… AppleGirl finished off the bourbon, Poteet seems to have sucked the bottle of Bailey’s dry (or was that a man named Bailey?), I downed the orange juice and amaretto, and Gadge Cubic seems to have found Southern Comforts in the arms of a golf pro. Wait! Behind the olives! We still have half a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and some Wal*Mart version of Coke (who brought that?). Do you need ice?

  183. Krazy Kat
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    FOOB- The fact that Susan (“Chipper”) and Paul (“Suds”) came to the door fully dressed and looking non-dishelveled just proves to me that they were married shortly after Liz left.

  184. UncleJeff
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: I think The Cloud of Death is Lynn’s effort to try to get people to think of a scent such as Garth Brooks’ “Suddenly through the wind and rain, a strange new perfume grows. And the lightning flashes in her eyes. He knows that she knows.”

  185. doughy lawyer Roy
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    #179 – “Any liquor left over from the New Years’ party? I need a drink!”

    Ask Tinsley, he’s on day 15 with those New Years party resolutions…

    Watch out though, he’s a mean drunk.*

    *(nobody knows if he’s mean sober)

  186. Dingo
    January 11th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    UncleJeff, I think you should write out the lyrics to “The Lizard Rolls.”

  187. Mountain Mama
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Jack and Coke! Woo hoo! Dingo, you’re a pal.

  188. Christopher
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Well, bad news.

    I don’t have any problem with today’s Mallard Fillmore. A Mallard Fillmore I don’t immediately hate is rarer then a Judge Parker appearence.

    I’ll have to turn to Prickly City:

    Well, I hope this isn’t too political, but this defense of Mr. Ford has always reminded me ofthe King of swamp Castle’s defense of Lancelot, who had just slain most of an entirely peaceful wedding party:

    “This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who!”

    I mean, is it just me?

    The second problem is that the nation’s not super a lot divided right now. When was the last time the Weather Underground killed anybody?

    Heck, even the militias have calmed down now that a Republican is President.

    The worst we get nowadays is people calling each other aesthetically non-pleasing idiots. Considering that a decade ago Rush was equating the women’s movement with Nazi Germany, I’d say we’re about as healed as we could possibly be during wartime.

  189. Mushuweasel
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Margo has me confused. Lu Ann managed to land not one, but TWO balloons in the first panel alone. Maybe Margo’s just jealous of her ability to speak out of both sides of her mouth at once. I don’t know about anyone else, but I can’t wait for her solo-duet rendition of the Barcarolle from Tales of Hoffmann.

  190. NEW-ME
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Ok Mountain Mamma and Dingo, you MUST be one of my six sisters! Our mother prays for us everyday to come back into the fold lest God strike us down for being independent thinkers and possibly move further than the city limits, and umm oh NOT have to be married. I have a new bottle of crown and the walmart coke will do just fine. the drinks are on me!

  191. sally
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    #63, 93, 97 —

    williethompson, I’m in love. My husband can tell you that you don’t have to wait for the second date to show your lyrics — if the lyrics are right, the timing is irrelevant. I would have been quicker off the draw here but I’ve got to work some time….

    Dingo, thanks for the link. You may need a primer on women, though.

  192. MossMoses
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Who else is hoping that Prick Morgan goes postal when he finds out the beaves are back, sees a set of big buck teeth at the dam and ends up shooting Rusty by mistake?

  193. Saxman
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    FOOB Post September

    Hmmm. frozen in time.

    Wouldn’t it be kewl is everyone kept reliving the same day over and over? Like the movie “Groundhog Day.” And what better day than today? Everyone’s votes would count. Some days she’d stay with Paul. Some Anthony. Heck, some Gary.

  194. commodorejohn
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    What really gets my goat about today’s FOOB is how Liz quickly jumps to the conclusion that, since his car is in her driveway, his “car” must therefore also be in her “driveway.” Now, we, the audience, can tell from all the previous blatant, ham-handed foreshadowing that this is something close to the truth, but Liz doesn’t know that (if you’ll forgive my sounding like a roleplaying nerd, this is “metagame” knowledge,) and her just assuming that her boyfriend is banging this other chick makes her look like a colossal bitch. Of course, since she’s Johnston’s Virgin Queen, her actions will be portrayed as perfectly reasonable, but c’mon, even jealous girlfriends in crappy romantic comedies won’t accuse their boyfriends on “evidence” this flimsy.

  195. anne
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    williethompson — that was FANTASTIC. it scanned well, too. And I freaking love the original — you made it 10 times better!

  196. JennyM
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Oh, man.

    Am I the only one that thinks Jesse’s going to be at Paul’s place too, somehow, and they’re all going to be making some big “Welcome Back, Miss Patterson” banner or something (with appropriate First Nations historical details, of course)?

    To my mind that would be even cheesier and lamier than Paul’s-a-cheater.

    But you know that tomorrow or the next day, we’re going to be back to Gran’pa or 4-Evah or Mike’s damn novel or the damn dogs or something and we’ll have to wonder about Chipper and Suds’ mysteriously non-disheveled appearance and Paul’s ambiguous look of startlement for a few more weeks.

  197. Crankenstank
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: My paper “colorizes” daily strips. This particular FBOFW is made all the more awful by the burnt siena smear that is given to Susan and Paul’s faces, in contrast to Lizardbreath’s pinkitude. What better way to say: better stick with your own, hon. And your own kind are boring pasty faced white people with ugly mustaches and the personality of close-to-the-expiration-date mayonnaise.

  198. Allie Cat
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    #197 – Here’s the thing though – out of date mayo has an allure of mystery and possible danger. Anthony has neither.

  199. weiser
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    “1: Yes, this is a Sandwich Cookie Sandwich. Now all Billy needs to do is put his sandwich in between 2 large cookies and put stick the whole thing inside a loaf of bread. Then stuff the bread inside a chicken and the chicken inside a duck and the duck inside a turkey, feed the turkey to Dagwood, stuff Dagwood inside a camel and feed that to Cookie.”

    shouldn’t the whole works be deep-fat-fried at least once in the process?

  200. doughy lawyer Roy
    January 11th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Yow! I followed some links back to last year & 2005. There were days back then there’d be only 15 replies for two days. Now we’re striking 200 in less than 12 hours!

  201. cheech wizard
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    A conversation between two elementary school teachers:

    “Hello, Susan. Paul’s car is in your driveway. Can I speak to him, please?”

    “Yes, you CAN speak to him. But no, you MAY not, because I’ve got my thighs wrapped around his ears and he can’t hear very well right now. Sheesh, no wonder the kids are performing below grade level. It took me six months just to get them to quit saying ‘ain’t’ in formal compositions. What smogville teachers’ college did you come from?”

  202. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    There is one good reason for following FBOFW:

    The Comics Curmudgeon crew. You folks make anything enjoyable, even foobish stupidity is palpable with a nice thick layer of snarkin’.

    Thanks for saving my sanity.

  203. doughy lawyer Roy
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Re-studying the last panel in FOOB:

    The side view of Liz looks like she’s gonna yak, and Paul’s face is the look of “another drunk’s gonna yak on me” (hey, he’s a Mounty, right?)

  204. PeteMoss
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: The ‘Stache is the man, baby! He was smokin’ when he laid that “I-have-no-home”- whineycrap on the Lizard then followed it up with the “Say you’ll wait for me,” line on her after “rescuing her” from the molester. That’s some smooth seduction, my man. How can she resist that? Especially comming from a guy who can swing a full time job out of being an acountant for a small used car lot and operating a mini-gulag in his basement. Lizzy’s world is about to get rocked! Oh, Canada!

  205. Chrysantza
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    The comments of others here who have mothers who apparently have Johnstonian worldviews illuminate just why Lynnie might want to stick Lizardbreath with Granthony, come what may.

    In the ’50′s, not only did you never even think of divorce, you married Mr. Nice Guy even if you didn’t love him. It was considered dangerous for a woman to take a chance on Mr. Glamorous because, again, no divorce and no second chances. So marrying Mr. Dullbore McSafe was what you did, love or no.

    And interracial marriage? Wrong wrongity wrong OMG WRONG and what about the chirrun? One of your own kind, stick to your own kind!

  206. Kate
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    170, Dingo: is that your partner? I actually said “awww” out loud when I opened that link.

    And that is the only joy anything today has brought me, after I saw today’s FOOB and realized that yes, the stupid hamfisted plot IS the one she’s going for. I didn’t know I had some faint hope until I lost it. I used to like that strip.

  207. Dan Someone
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    200-some-odd messages, and not one person is even a little bit disturbed that The Lockhorns caption has Leroy saying “The good news is, I had a government official’s flashlight up my ass”?

  208. MossMoses
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    The parting assgrab was the unmistakable Western Union telegraph message for this plot. That is one of those actions that speaks louder than words. When I saw today that DooRight was cheating, it surprised me even less than W’s Shock ‘n Awe Surgin’ General speech last night.

  209. Michael L.
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been lurking here for a while, and I love it. This site has helped me to accept my fascination with the awfulness of FBofW. Thanks, Josh.

    Re today’s strip: I was fascinated by the image of the knock. To my eye, it resembles the ugly graphics that go with the weather info in the newspaper. Bright sun breaking through clouds, with dark rain (or icicles). If I stare long enough, it looks as though Liz is peeling this weather decal from the door.

    I also like the sconce and the creepy ceiling. Film noir?

    #42: I also, err, shuddered when I read “Coming!”

  210. shane shiner
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    holy wow, family circus just blew my mind.

  211. doughy lawyer Roy
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    #207 Hey, that’s the only action that Leroy’s gotten in decades!

  212. Old Fogeyette
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    #145, gh, brilliant parody.

    But I still hate Lio. HATE, HATE, HATE!!!!

  213. Vince M.
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    85: -I apologize to any actors whose names I misspelled.-
    I think you need to apologize to any actors you damned by casting as Pattersons!
    I’ve been avoiding this strip for years now, so I pretty much skim over most of the posts here lately. Out of the loop and glad of it.
    Mostly today I’m glad to read ‘Peanuts’ and see Lucy has watched ‘Night of the Hunter’.

  214. Douglas E. Iannucci
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    Re: The Lockhorns. Notice how detailed the background is. You’ve got a visible floor, airline security apparatus, two fully drawn figures going through an airline search. This is a departure from the usual minimalist style in which The Lockhorns is drawn. Not much of a departure, but a departure nonetheless. I think today’s episode is an aberration. We’ll return back to normal tomorrow. I’m looking forward to more gags with D. Pullman.

    Re: Apartment 3-G. I don’t usually read the serial strips, but it has dawned on me that I’ve waited my whole life for a woman like Margo. I’ve yet to come to grips with reality: women like her just don’t exist in real life. On the plus side, women like Mary Worth don’t exist in real life either, thank God.

  215. MossMoses
    January 11th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    214. “Women like Mary Worth don’t exist in real life”. Maybe it’s me, but I seem to run into stuck up holier than thou Mary Worth-like meddling biddies everywhere I go, including halfway around the world. The Margo Magees are fewer and farther between but they do exist in the real world, too. Don’t give up yet, Douglas.

  216. cheech wizard
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    130 – Fogeyette – what the others didn’t mention in regard to Get Fuzzy is that “Packer” is short for “fudgepacker,” derogatory slang for a gay male. And why I’m suprised the syndicate or at least the Freep, my local paper, didn’t yank it. Sorry to bruise your gentle ears – or eyes, as it were.

  217. Cedar
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    I’m putting together a Liz/Anthony/Paul collection of strips for my mom so she understands my hatred toward the strip. I came across this one
    http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/001309.php

    Yikes. If this isn’t foreshadowing, I don’t know what is.

    And I do remember my boyfriend when I was 14. Dude was a loser. It was not “real” or “all-consuming.” And I knew that even then. Why the constant focus on how wonderful our first loves are in this strip?

    And I have a question–when does Liz buy the car from Anthony? I’m looking for something from those strips to show my ma in my greatest hits collection.

  218. Josh D.
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    Notice that Billy says, “Dagwood *will* be jealous…” Not “would be jealous.” So Keanes live in the same freakish 1950s-cum-2000s time warp as the Bumsteads? And they’re neighbors?

    This is news, isn’t it?

  219. Old Fogeyette
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    216 cheech wizard, thanks! I move in the wrong circles, or perhaps clockwise when I should be counterclockwise. I did not know about “fudgepacker.” Now it all makes sense. Sort of.

  220. Spotted HØrse
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    #220 Old Fogeyette:
    Re: Fudge Packer – Randy Parker?
    You may enjoy revisiting Reggie Black’s campaign materials to appreciate on a new level!

  221. fishmorgjp
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    As the characters in FBOW have all been given sappy-looking eyes and mouths, it’s apparent that Patterson wants them to be more ‘serious’… imagine FBOFW drawn in the style of Mary Worth, or other strips. Pretty scary, eh?

  222. Spotted HØrse
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    FOOB (what else?): Still haven’t whipsawed back to thinking Liz and Granthony will end it all together… I mean end up together. I still suspect that Lynn is manipulating us in her passive aggressive Patterson style.

    However, if Chipper n’ Suds are romantically intertwined, does anyone else think it’s awesome that Principal Gary just dumped Skankbreath on the doorstep? Too much ice on the road to chirp the tires, but probably churned up a nice rooster tail of salt, sand and gravel when he popped the clutch in his haste to leave Ms. One Day Early utterly alone in her “investigation.”

  223. Professor Fate
    January 11th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy: #130 there are two soccer (in England they call it football) teams in Manchester – the One that everybody knows about is Machester United – the Yankees of English Soccer and Manchester City the other team – and the fans hate each other with a passion. – fights riots that sort of thing. Also the while the Dutch have very good soccer teams – denmark not so much. Hence Mac’s comment. Props to the Author of Get Fuzzy for making Mac a City Man.

    Foob:

    We are the Saintly ones
    We are the Pattersons
    Leaning together
    Faces filled with Chinnuts alas

    This is the way the Foob ends
    This is the way the Foob ends
    This is the way the Food ends
    Not with a bang but with slack open jaws

    (first parody try sorry)

  224. Frank Drackman
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    #216 I think Satchel really was talking about the Green Bay Packers, and not meaning to insult anyone, now if it was Bucky who made that remark, I might have 2d thoughts

  225. Marion Delgado
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    foreshadowing? Anthony??? NEVER!! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT …

    oh .. sorry … thought you said foreplay.

    pardon me.

  226. bo
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    I don’t get the Exclamation marks, She says “Yes! Sure!” but look at her face, that doesn’t exactly look like a face you would make while using exclamation points. I this Lynn is trying to make the ending a suprise by throwing in mixed signals…. not working

  227. macb
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Pardon me for asking, but isn’t what Lizardbreath does today what is usually known as STALKING? One of the saintly Pattersons doing a horrible crime- unthinkable! I also couldn’t help but notice how Susan is drawn to look so plain while Lovely Liz looks so lissome…

  228. TB Tabby
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    219: In that case, let’s all hope FC exists in the same universe as this comic, so we can all see little Billy reduced to a greasy smear on J’onn’s big toe.

  229. Marion Delgado
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Okay, in the Spirit of Foobmas:

    I, I love the shapeless clothes she wears
    And the way the light is fading from her hair
    I hear the sound of her mother’s voice
    Say the fate that drives her will control her “choice”

    Im pickin up Foob vibrations
    Shes giving up excitation
    Im pickin up Foob vibrations
    (oom bop bop Foob vibrations)
    Shes giving up excitation
    Foob, Foob, Foob, Foob vibrations
    (oom bop bop)
    Shes giving up excitation
    (oom bop bop excitation)
    Lo-ser boys make good catches
    (oom bop bop)
    Shes getting her pornstaches
    (oom bop bop porn porn staches)

    Close her eyes
    Shes with her loser now
    Softly smile, I know she must be crushed
    When I look in her eyes
    Her dreams of living free fall in the dust

    Im pickin up Foob vibrations
    Shes giving up excitation
    Im pickin up Foob vibrations
    (oom bop bop Foob vibrations)
    Shes giving up excitation
    Foob, Foob, Foob, Foob vibrations
    (oom bop bop)
    Shes giving up excitation
    (oom bop bop excitation)
    Lo-ser boys make good catches
    (oom bop bop)
    Shes getting her pornstaches
    (oom bop bop porn porn staches)

    (ahhhhhhh)
    (ah my my slut deflation)
    I dont know where but he sends her there
    (ah my basement vacation)
    (Liz gets a child’s education)
    (ah my my what???)

    Gotta keep those Trainman molestations
    A happenin with her
    Gotta keep those big-ass Elly rations
    A happenin with her
    Gotta keep those April gig gyrations
    A happenin
    Gotta keep those Foob vibrations
    A happenin

    Ahhhhhhhh
    Paul! Paul! Paul! vibrations
    (oom bop bop)
    (Im pickin up Warren’s rotations)
    Anthony’s finally got erectations
    (close close close)
    (close your eyes Liz)
    Close your eyes and Think of Canada
    (She bop bop)
    He’s no Eric
    (She bop a loo bop)
    He’s no Dad

    No no no no no
    No no no
    No no no no no
    No no no!
    I …
    Do do do do do
    Do do do
    Do do do do do
    Do do do
    (oh god, I’m f___ed!)

  230. Artist Formerly Known as Ben
    January 11th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    So have the airport security guys been giving Herr Lockhorn a procto exam or what? That’s how I take the “polyp” thing.

  231. Big Stu
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    Axel Fusco (sorry for the late reply..I was working):

    No way.. I do respect the character of Gordon. Unlike the other men in FOOBworld, he’s made something of himself. Gordo creates wealth, gives people jobs, makes that small corner of suburbia into something livable. Gordo brings sunshine unto the dismal wastes of Mississauga, Ontario. He isn’t a flopdicked pile of mush like his serf the Bland One. Nor is he a jackbooted yes-man of the welfare state like Paul. Nor does he inhabit a boy’s world of chopperphilia like Warren (seriously, does Warren have any interests outside of helicopters?). Nor is he a tooth-puller with a dullard’s fascination with miniaturized shiny objects such as Pere Patterson. Nor does he pollute the literature with pretentious drivel as Michael. I suppose Lawrence is tolerable, although he did employ the rapist Howard Erk. But when all is said and done, Gordo stands head and shoulders above the sorry lot of maledom in the Fooberverse. I think that Lynn truly does hate men, despite her “50s values”. Why else would they be depicted as such doofuses (doofi?)

  232. Tice
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    Man, if the foobs can inspire me to delurk to write this much…well, it boggles the mind. I gotta sit down. If one of them starts “speaking” to me, it’s over.

    ———————–

    Ooh-wah, ooh-wah,
    Ooh-wah, ooh-wah

    Why- when Liz is so plain
    would mounties want to be her swain?
    Why do foobs fall in love?
    She changes with the weather vane
    Why do foobs fall in love?
    Why do foobs fall in love?

    Why- do accountants hold in pervish thoughts?
    ‘Copter pilots get the hots?
    Why do foobs fall in love?
    Her ass is smooth like tater tots
    Why do foobs fall in love?
    Why do they fall in love?

    Is it her growing lips?
    Keeping pace with her hips?
    Wouldn’t they rather date Miss Blips?
    Tell me why…
    Tell me why…

    Why would three guys want in her pants?
    What a phony circumstance!
    Why do foobs fall in love?
    With Kelrast she would have no chance
    Why do foobs fall in love?
    Why do they fall in love?

    Left her life in Mtig-whaa??
    To Paul’s blue balls she said “Ta-ta”
    She’s got a roomie- calls her “Ma”
    Tell me why…
    Tell me why…

    Why don’t they turn and go?
    Leave that lukewarm would-be ho?
    Why do foobs fall in love?
    It’s Johnston’s strip, and she says so!
    That’s why they fall in love!
    That’s why foobs fall in love!

  233. commodorejohn
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    I’ve finally pinpointed exactly why I hate Anthony. It’s not the moustache. It’s not the way he pressured his wife into motherhood with promises of freedom from same, then bitched when she called him on it. It’s not the fact that his act of “heroism” occurred when he was going to ask Liz to start an affair. These are all perfectly hateful things about him, but the real reason I hate Anthony is because he’s the embodiment of the concept that anyone with testicles is not to be trusted.

    Allow me to elaborate. Some years ago, when I was in the youth group at the church I attend, the father of one of the girls there got it into his head that I was staring at her ass. I seriously wasn’t. But instead of her asking me to stop, or even him asking me to stop, he grabbed me in the middle of the service, marched me out of the church (I was a scrawny mid-teen back then, and I wasn’t in any condition to protest,) put me up against the railing on the steps, and proceeded to threaten genital harm if I ever looked at her again. In short, he treated me like I had been trying to smooth-talk her into the sack, when I had simply been minding my own business while a few stray photons from over in her direction had hit my eyes. Why? I had never expressed any interest in her before. I had no previous sexual history, let alone any that he would have known about. The answer is that, as someone on the SA forums put it, “having a penis makes you a rapist.” As a male under forty, I was being a threat to his daughter simply by existing, and I pushed him into action by turning my head in her general direction.

    Given that all sexually mature males are inherently untrustworthy, how are concerned (i.e. paranoid) parents supposed to find mates for their children? They have to look to the ranks of the castrated, figuratively or literally. This is the real reason behind the endless “sex talks” the youth group gave us teenage males: to cow us into fear at the very thought of sex. “You’re hard-wired to try and hump any girl you meet” was the general message, “and so you’d better suppress all those thoroughly sexual thoughts you’ll have all the time.” And so I prepared to do exactly that, but – the thoughts didn’t come. I realized that despite what they had told me, I wasn’t hard-wired to be sex-obsessed. And yet, since they believed this, they grouped us together and tried to mentally castrate us. I was fortunate to get out when I did, with no lasting damage.

    Anthony represents the pinnacle of what they tried to achieve with us. He’s so whipped, castrated by his ex-wife, that he’ll never try to seduce anybody’s daughter (although he’ll try to arrange and affair with Liz, but that’s okay because they’re Childhood Sweethearts and all that.) He is exactly what cranky old women, paranoid parents, and deluded young women want every male to be: someone with no balls. He is an affront to men everywhere, and should be treated as such.

  234. queek
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    could have been worse, cheech wizard.

    Satchel could have mentioned the Lions instead.

  235. Summerhouse
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    Last panel of Phantom – Fess Parker is going to shoot Della Reese.

  236. Luna
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    You know, I think this FOOB storyline has really been good therapy for all of us. I am witnessing many wonderful breakthroughs here tonight.

    Gawd, where’s that Valium?

  237. Richard Onley
    January 11th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    #212: I’m kind of amazed. I’d think with all the carping over FBofW/FC – style sweetness that goes on here, Lio‘s Charles Addams/Gahan Wilson approach would be just the right counter-irritant.

    #217: Who’s Bobby Curtola?

    And is today the first time the official FBofW site doesn’t feature blinking? I wanted to see that torrid eyelid action on panel 3, but when I visited the site, there was nary a twitch.

  238. Plinko Commie
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Who’s Bobby Curtola? Why, Michael’s biological dad, of course!

  239. Poteet
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    # 15 — Since this masterpiece was posted again, I’ll say thank you again to willethompson.

    # 168 — Good point, The Ray. It looks like Liz is doing eyebrow exercises. Three different eyebrow positions in panels 2, 3, and 4. And how she manages to apply and remove makeup so quickly between panels, a trick she’s often pulled before, is beyond me.

    # 182 — Dingo, I plead innocent re the Bailey’s — was it Fogeyette, perchance? But I do have a wee drap of the single-malt left, and it’s yours, Mountain Mama.

    # 230 & 233 — BWAHAHA! Thank you, Marion and Tice. A lovely pair o’ parodies.

  240. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    #238 – Richard, I believe all the twitching in FboFW was done off-panel.

    “I’m…coooommmmminnnnnG!”

  241. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, my queen! So delightful to see you at the Foobocalypse Bash! I’m going to lounge in the corner with a frosty pint of Wait’nSee; you’re welcome to join me.

  242. Summerhouse
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    #15 WillieThompson – Brilliant work! In 1993 I was with some friends in a small pub in a village in southeast England, and it was “folk music night.” Or more specifically, geriatric folk music night, as one old person after another got up to sing a song about death that was always 30 verses at a bare minimum. Death in the mines, death from consumption, death of a train engineer as he kept the train from derailing, etc, etc. So my friend Steve got up and did “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” – brought down the house. Gordon Lightfoot never had a more appreciative audience. Lots of free hard cider, after. I’ve always loved that song since then.

  243. True Fable
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    JP Second panel: “I’m Cedric Hart! The agency sent me to get this story kickstarted! Now why don’t you move your skaggy old bones aside and let me get ready for some hot snoggin’ action from your future guests?”
    Third panel, Cedric Hart: “Since they won’t arrive for another three or four weeks in paper time, this will give me the opportunity to lay down an exposition about my life that would make Mary Worth weep!”
    old lady: “Well, anything to beat that Worth bitch’s time, I suppose.”

  244. Ribinin
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    More than two hours to go. Do I have time to get my tips frosted?

  245. comicsn00b
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    FC: A transitional moment! An Oreo sandwich – think about it, man! Oreo is already a sandwich cookie, White Lard between two Black biscuit Cookies. NOW imagine sandwiching that between two slices of Mommy’s white bread – with a shoutout to Dagwood added in – genius. Jeff Keane, we hardly knew ye!

  246. Luna
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    I know we’ve hashed FOOBIE to death, but if it were my comic strip, Liz would have walked up to that apartment today with a motorcycle helmet in her hands. Panels #1-3 would be the same, but in Panel #4, Liz would use the helmet to pummel Paul’s face beyond recognition a la Sandra Oh. Then she would head home and do the same thing to her mother.

  247. willethompson
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    Tice #234 – Her ass is smooth like tater tots???? That’s it, I need a new monitor. This one is covered with laugh spit. Clapclapclapclap!

  248. cyberpersephone
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    #32 I agree with #39. Tommie’s slowly edging out of the room. After her experience with the “perfect couple” she wants nothing to do with anything that even sounds like a storyline. She’s even taken to dressing monochromatically to make herself less noticeable. As for Margo, girl’s so coked up she bounces off the walls.

  249. Dean Booth
    January 11th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Is this really what you wanted to see? I think not!

    Luckily, Lynn’s signature is perfectly placed.

  250. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    #249 — If this is the beginning of a trend of redrawing comic strip characters without clothes, I look forward to it with equal parts of delight and dread.

  251. Luna
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    #249 Dean

    Harharharharharharhar!

    YES!!

  252. willethompson
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    Summerhouse #242 – Tell me it ain’t so. I played in a band in Buffalo in the 70s and our fiddle player actually suggested that we learn that song. Eight bars of the EXACT…SAME…MUSIC… FOREVER. It may have played well in SE England, but it was death in West Buffalo.

  253. yellojkt
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    The Foobiverse only makes sense if you realize it is about good things happening to stupid people. It’s all the fault of the Bad Idea Foobs.

  254. Poteet
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    # 241 — True Fable, dearest! So good to see you again! And thanks for the Wait’nSee. My compliments on your highly amusing JP butler raps. If only the strip itself were half as entertaining.

    Alas, I don’t think I’m gonna make it all the way to the next Foobstrip tonight (geez, why can’t Lynn make her majestical appearance at 11 pm like everyone else?) But I know I’ll have good snarking to read tomorrow. And surely there are other Foobashes ahead. It’s going to take me some serious online drinking to get through the publication of The Book Of Bile, and if this strip “ends” with a wedding, as all portents indicate…noooooh, too much to deal with, won’t think about that now. I’ll have another frosty pint, thanks!

  255. Jobiska
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    Notice that Billy says, “Dagwood *will* be jealous…” Not “would be jealous.” So Keanes live in the same freakish 1950s-cum-2000s time warp as the Bumsteads? And they’re neighbors?

    This rang a bell with me, that sometime I had learned that the Keanes were real-life neighbors and friends with someone else in the newspaper/humor/something sphere (no, not the Bumsteads), so I had to surf…turns out it was Erma Bombeck’s family. I remember when I learned this (probably as a teen) it startled me just as when in one of Jean Kerr’s books they referred to a neighbor boy, Rory Killilea, who was the brother of Karen, the title character in the (nonfictional) book of the same name. I’m sure you all needed to know that.

    Just LOOK at those suckers! Clearly, [Leroy Lockhorn] wears minimizer shoes that he had to take off to get through security.

    And those minimizer shoes are also “irregular pentagonizer” shoes, since their odd foot shapes have been noted by Josh before…and Leroy’s stocking feet are rather normal in shape (if indeed large in size).

  256. Poteet
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    # 253 — Yellojkt, I genuflect before you. What a marvelous link. Classic.

    # 255 — Jobiska, I was also startled by that Kerr/Rory Killilea reference. And I spent about four early-teen months feeling guilty that I wasn’t nearly as saintly as any of the Killileas, including the dogs.

    And now I must depart the bash. Farewell to those who await the new Foobstrip, and may it be eminently snarkable!

  257. Dean Booth
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    MT: Does Lucky’s river flow over the mountain? Is that possible?

  258. apostate
    January 11th, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    Two cavities?

    Could this be evidence that Leroy is in fact a hermaphrodite?

  259. Dean Booth
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo’s insult may seem obscure to us, but in their 2-D comic world, “balloon” has deep psychological meanings. They think and talk and even dream in balloons. By “Does your balloon ever land?” Margo might simply mean that Lu Ann should have more down-to-earth ideas. Just sayin’.

  260. Dingo
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    I’m waiting for midnight and the new FOOB but in the meantime… ubiquiducks!

    Man, if only those two ducks in Mark Trail worked for the State Department.

  261. Mr. O’Malley
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    237. Bobby Curtola was a revolting pompadoured singer from the early Sixties—a sort of Canadian Fabian.

  262. Detroit Diesel
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    FOOBLICIOUS: Long-time lurker (9 months or more), I can no longer stand the stupidity and unrealistic premise of FBOFW. This blog and its wonderful cast of snarky and sardonic characters are the only reason the strip is even remotely palatable. I have been following this strip practically since its inception (I was delivering the Detroit News back then) and am absolutely disgusted at the pathetic direction the comic has taken over the last few years. Here’s hoping that the present scenario will end up on a future episode of the reality show Cheaters!

    Oh by the way, hey Lynn, FUCK YOU!

  263. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    #261: That’s funny; I had never heard of Bobby Curtola before, and I just assumed it was a made-up name for the strip — you know, like some generic fake-sounding name intended to sound like it could be the name of someone you had an innocent junior high school romance with when you were 14.

    And I’m Canadian, and I consider myself cognizant of trivia about popular music. However, I was born in 1974. Shows how rapidly Mr. Curtola’s star has fallen (no offence intended).

  264. Uncle Lumpy
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    Mary’s getting on the plane. This is going to be totally awesome!

  265. mark
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    There we go, the overly wordy, calmly delivered end to the Paul story.

  266. Dub Not Dubya
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Oh my God. The Unsinkable Mary Worth. And, and, she’s already leaving for Viet Nam, which we thought would take at least six months! That almost, almost made up for Lynnane writing such predictable dreck over in FOOB. Karen Moy obviously adores us and is catering to us. Screw you, Lynnane. Karen is my new best cartoonist friend.

    BTW, I haven’t commented here for a while, so a quick congrats to Dingo on the new boyfriend. If he’s half as nice as he is cute, I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.

  267. Nyssa23
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    I didn’t want to be horribly disappointed by the new FOOB but guess what?

    IT JUST HAPPENED.

  268. Detroit Diesel
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    FOOB 1/12/2007: Congrats to Granthony, you win the skank by default!

  269. Mr. O’Malley
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    What a day! Mary is off to Vietnam without even a passport or a vaccination. Has she even bought a ticket yet?

    Patterdammerung has finally arrived. We await only the final immolation of the accursed novel, followed by the Donmaidens bearing the remains of the Laptop of Doom to its final resting place at the bottom of Lake Ontario.

    The Phantom has a guy who only communicates in single digits. Today’s dialogue—”1″.

    And in MT, the beavers have started building a dam!

  270. Detroit Diesel
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Oh by the way, did I forget to mention: Hey Lynn, F*** YOU!

  271. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    BULLETIN….BULLETIN….BULLETIN……..

    At roughly 12:10 AM Paper-Delivery Time, reports say that a character assassination has taken place in the village of MtigGuffin…….. It has been independantly confirmed that one Paul “Yeah” Wright has been quickly poisoned by Lynn “Putin” Johnston……. Sources claim that his fate was sealed months ago when he was interested in one Liz “Ardbreth” Patterson-Foob and persued in a stalkerly fashion….. sources also say that a previous Liz boyfriend, Eric, was dispatched after starting the same way. In the Eric case, it was not a character assassination, but a beating by two women, one Ms. Patterson-Foob. More on this as news warren(ts)…

    BULLETIN…..BULLETIN…….BULL……BULLETIN…

  272. Spotted HØrse
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Whooo! I was so-o-o high to question Paul’s betrayal. I’m relieved. Chipper n’ Suds, 4 EVAH.

    Let’s observe while Liz hangs around town for 3 days, wailing and whining, evoking pity and contempt and generally annoying the living shit out of everyone.

  273. TB Tabby
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Panel 2 on today’s Beetle Bailey: Beetle’s comment is actually related to the FOOB poll. Even Camp Swampy hates Blandthony.

    Pluggers: That fridge doesn’t look anything like a MySpace page! It’s too well-organized!

    FW: GEEZ! Even the pep talks in this strip are downers!

  274. Spotted HØrse
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    #249 Dean Booth:
    Your excellent representation does more than imply the existence of Paul the Mountie’s bottom mop. Bah! A-w-w-k!!

    Don’t look, HBGlord!

  275. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    “Have you ever met a person, you know, the type of person who draws a perfectly fine, if sometimes cornball, comic strip? Who’ll start getting full of herself and start making it a long story, even as far as to ruin things, thinking you’re this Great Artiste, and end up with aggravating dreck? And even makes a character change without consistancy, just to demonize them?

    Well, sadly, that’s me. I just want to be a worse person.
    MY NAME IS LYNN

  276. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    I guess what it all means is that nobody can ever call Liz Foob on her bullshit. Because it’s Lynn’s bullshit.

    She’s right up there with Andy (character from “The Office”) tonight on my shit list*!

    *Jeez, I hope I never get one literally! EWWWW!!

  277. Chrysantza
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    The giant “flush” you hear is the sound of any scintilla of character and plot swirling down the giant toilet that is the FOOBverse.

  278. RoboMax: Agent of C.U.R.M.U.D.G.E.O.N
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    F00b: I’m trying to figure out what Liz is accusing Paul of doing exactly. It’s not unusual that he’d be there, they are friends. They’re both fully clothed, and he was in the next room when Sue opened the door. Were they steamily…having a conversation? In Liz Patterson, Lynn has created one of the most unlikable comic strip characters of all time. Atleast Crankshaft and Margo are amusing sometimes, Liz is just an arrogant, needy, self centered hooser for sho’ser.

    BB: I hope the general’s vomiting is related to the nerve gas contamination that’s plagued the camp. The nerve gas that turns people into….the undead.

  279. Nyssa23
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    *sob* Seriously, you guys, this sucks. It’s Granthony’s world, we’re all just chained in the basement.

  280. TB Tabby
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    I just thought of something:has there ever been one of these tags in Foobville?

  281. Sara B.
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    I am so mad at Lynn Johnston right now! I just had to come here and vent with you guys, because it makes me feel better to know that everyone else hates this plot, too.

  282. MJ1066
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    217: Liz didn’t buy the car from Anthony. She bought it at Gordon’s Everything-but-the-Kitchen-Sink Emporium, and Anthony just happened to be working there that day. Anthony’s supposed to be working only part time while raising Francoise, but he always manages to be at The Amazing Emporium every time one of the Pattersons drops by. Anthony asked to go along on the test drive with Elizabeth, and Liz I-Have-No-Control-Over-My-Life Patterson didn’t have the heart to say no to him.

  283. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    I…I gotta go on… strips to mock before I sleep….

    1/12:

    S-M: “Yeah… Gotta be Spiderman and…um… find a crime to stop…er…(looks)…Uh, hello?…Anybody wanna commit a crime?…Anybody?…….”

    FW:…No… it’s too depressing…”Serial killer”…character assassi – NO. Next strip…

    A3G: Uh-oh, the battle of Margo and LuAnn is going into high gear. More Magee snark in panel 2. More fights over Eric! Um…why is this name familiar? Hmmmmm…

    (DT)FBOFW – I mean, GT: In the color version, it seems there are an army of snowmen amassing behind Evil Spock.

    Lockhorns: (!!) Next!….

    Curtis: Yep, there he goes again, being a – WELL, AT LEAST HE’S BEHAVING IN CHARACTER UNLIKE SOM- uh, next strip…

    Blondie: (sings) 15 strokes, and whaddaya get? Another game older and you’re deeper in debt…

    FC: And what’s less than too much, huh, Jeffy? Is it abouuuuuUUUI CAN’T STAND IT! WHY, LYNN, WHIIAAAUGHHH-GH-GH-GH-GH…!!

    (Gee, kinda like Crow and Tom Servo during “Manos: The Hands of Fate”, ain’t it?)

  284. rodent
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    So, this means no threesome with Paul, Susan and Liz? Dang, I had a sure 20 on it, I thought.

  285. MJ1066
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:28 am [Reply]

    217: The “Tag-along Anthony” strips were July 27-29, 2006.

  286. NotGodot
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:53 am [Reply]

    This is the way the comic ends
    This is the way the comic ends
    This is the way the comic ends
    Not with a Paul but a Moustache.
    :(

  287. Virginia
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    FOOB- Holy shit, Liz plays the victim yet again? Can one perform a post-birth abortion to obliterate a 25-year-old? For fuck’s sake, I don’t expect comics to be works of literature, but it’d be nice if they KEPT TO THE GODDAMN PLOT once in a while. Apparently Paul works long hours as a cop while talking to Liz on Skype everynight and driving over an hour out of his way to cheat on her. I just wish Lynn Johnston would call it quits and burn down her studio, because the Aldo-esque drinking I’ve been doing to drownn the the awfulness of this strip is starting to affect my personal life.

    TO THE CLIFF, EVERYONE!!

  288. vanya
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    Goddamn foobs. Take a step back and think how messed up the perspective on this strip is. I’m almost in awe, in some ways this is a true post modern strip asking us to sympathize with the villain. And Liz is clearly the villain from any objective point of view. Think about it – Paul and Susan grow up together. Happy small town friends who had feelings for each other but, maybe because they’d known each other so long, weren’t sure how to act on it. Then the blonde Toronto suburban bitch jets into town condescending to help the quaint local folk. Before you know it she’s seduced Paul – stealing probably one of the very few decent men Susan would have a chance to have a relationship with in alcoholic-filled northern Canada. And attempting to further the cultural dissolution of Native Americans by stealing one of their men. Then when Liz finally succeds at seducing the guy, she immediately runs back home and tries to emotionally blackmail Paul into leaving the home he loves to move to the soulless Toronto suburbs. Do you think Lynn Johnston realizes how awful Liz looks to the rest of the world? Is she really that clueless or is she bored with the strip and trying to push the envelope (“ha, ha, let’s see how evil I can make Liz before people catch on I’m doing it on purpose”)?

  289. Alethea
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    “I have no idea why her collection of overpriced designer turtleneck sweaters and her ass haven’t been dumped on the curb by an aggrieved Lu Ann and Tommie years ago.”

    Because then we’d have to examine Lu Ann’s gorgeous twin sweater sets instead and we’d have so much less to bitch about.

  290. Mr. O’Malley
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    Today Zippy explores the development of the Scadutomobile.

  291. Sjofn
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    279/Nyssa23:

    I do not often laugh out loud when I read, but … LOL.

  292. Marion Delgado
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:39 am [Reply]

    FOOB today makes me want to weep. I used to think it was one of the best strips out there — it dealt with real-life subjects and did so realistically: Mrs. Baird’s death, Marion’s illness and death,

    Okay, stop right there …

  293. TB Tabby
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    290: And I LOVE him for it! That punchline actually got a genuine chuckle out of me, even if it was just for the mental image.

  294. Marion Delgado
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    In a way, Foobmas came through.

    By this point we just wanted to get our 10 minute hate on. Mine’s on.

  295. Dorianne
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:35 am [Reply]

    *delurks*

    NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

    Lynn Johnston, I am getting in my car right now and driving across Canada to stab you in the jugular with a fork!

    And I got new snow tires this year, so I’m gonna be there soon, lady.

    *relurks*

  296. yellojkt
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    Poteet,
    Thanks for the compliment. That is high praise coming from someone as awesome as you. And Dean Booth’s version is the one that should have been in the paper.

  297. Lettuce
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:47 am [Reply]

    Johnston isn’t just off the comic-boat. Surely she’s heard the adage “show, don’t tell.” This smacks of someone just not trying anymore. I think she KNOWS how much this sucks. And I think I’ve figured out why.

    So, Johnston announces she’s shitcanning the strip, adios I’m all done.

    And then months later, we hear she’s not REALLY ending it, just stopping it in time or something. And despite Liz being all cool living up north, she decides to high-tail it back to Toronto. Soon the cool boyfriend is gone and she’s back with her Jr. Highschool sweetheart. Meanwhile Michael’s apartment burns down to get him back in the house.

    This can only mean one thing: Misery.

    Surely, Lynn Johnston was in some kind of car accident, taken in by a kindly nurse, who only had the first 8 or so collections. When she learned what had happened, and that the strip was going to end, she tied Johnston to a bed, smashed her legs with a mallet, and demanded she put everything “right..” Liz with her lousy old boyfriend, the kids back home. Zombie Farley and totally not-gay Lawrence are the next story lines, guaranteed.

    That’s why this confrontation sucks. Hopefully, when Lynn figures out how to stash the pills and ultimately crush Misery’s skull in with a Ned Tanner doll will we learn this is all a dream or something. Or, we’ll stop reading. The result will be the same.

  298. Pinback65
    January 12th, 2007 at 6:38 am [Reply]

    I didn’t quite understand all the Foob hate. Sure, it’s crap, but let’s focus on the positive, folks. There are reunited beavers, reliable daily mindfucks from Slylock, and for God’s sake, Mary’s going to Vietnam! So much to celebrate, so much that’s good in the world.

    Then last night, I had a dream. Somewhere, among the usual stray bits of surrealism pulled from my subconscious, was a Foob-based storyline, with Paul and Liz hashing out their feelings, emotions on the surface, dead eyes blinking, voices indistinct.

    My eyes opened abruptly, and I realized that even sweet, sweet sleep could not save me from Lynn Johnston’s schoolmarmish morality, and I knew hate at last.

  299. benro
    January 12th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    #298 – Welcome to Foobloatharianism. You have many friends here.

  300. Jeff
    January 12th, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    Re, #7:

    Foob: I disagree, Josh. I love Paul’s “I’m so F’n busted” look on his face. He may just as well have been caught in the buff – and Lynn Johnston’s rendition of a male penis is something I could really do without, citing the fact that she has never seen one, but has only had them described to her.

    Um, is there another kind? ;-)

  301. benro
    January 12th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Um, is there another kind? ;-)

    Perhaps Dingo can provide a link..

  302. willethompson
    January 12th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    People! It’s happening! It was Josh that called it the FOOBocalypse, but it was Sheilagh (#99) that made the Omega Code/End of Daysesque discovery that linked Ginzberg’s HOWL to FBOFW. And now? Like toxic waste, it’s burning its way out of the FOOBiverse and polluting into other comic continuums!!!

    Don’t believe me? Look at Judge Parker! Cedric, the erstwhile manservant to the parchmentlike Rachel, left Canada! Sure, he yaddayaddas about culinary school and personal cooking, but the truth is that after reading LizardBreath’s injured huff, he 1) fled in shame and then 2) used a floor buffer to POLISH HIS FOOB-DEFILED EYES OUT!

    I feel like the pentultimate scene of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (b&w version) where Kevin McCarthy is screaming “YOU’RE NEXT! THEY’RE COMING AFTER YOU!”

    What, time for my meds already? Ooooookay…

  303. Basil Wrathbone
    January 12th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Liz triumphantly turns away from Paul and bravely heads toward an uncertain future. As her confidence increases, her steps become more sure. Suddenly, she breaks out in song and sings “I want an eunuch just like the eunuch who married dear old Mom.” Just then she knows that Anthony is the one.

  304. Tukla in Iowa
    January 12th, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Chipper and Suds sound like characters from Gasoline Alley, except they wouldn’t be nicknames in that strip.

    Speaking of GA, I think it’s time for the county health inspector to visit Corky’s Diner.

  305. Sheilagh
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth don’t need no stinkin’ ticket or visa or passport or anything — she’s sailing on the Bum Boat! They know her there! They keep a table for her and the Jeffster! And what a jolly voyage it shall be! She’ll poke her pestiferous nose into EVERYTHING — the captain’s divorce, the first mate’s druggy son, the pursar’s alcohol problem, the cabin boy’s camel toe — and meddle, and meddle, and meddle! Heaven!

    I predict they make her walk the plank somewhere in mid-Pacific.

  306. benro
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    MW – I am disappointed that Mary is not bringing the whole Charterstone entourage with her, though it will be interesting to see how she handles the trip solo. She seems to have done remarkably little planning for a trip “halfway (actually 30.762%) around the world”. Is she expecting just to walk up to the Vietnam information desk and ask for Dr. Jeff Cory?

  307. benro
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    FOOB – This Liz/Paul story line has more holes than Blackburn Lancashire. How can the readers be expected to make any educated guess about what’s going on when the facts that are presented are so inconsistent? We see Liz giggling with Paul over the phone on several occasions, hear that he is coming to visit for Christmas, but he inexplicably doesn’t come, and we hear nothing more about it. Then he says his transfer came through, and poof, suddenly he’s banging Chipper, and we find out they were together all along. I know this has all been gone over on this site before (at least 200 times a day), but it still pisses me off that a seasoned writer would produce crap like this.

  308. Old Fogeyette
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    First: great parodies, Marion Delgado and Tice.

    Second: Mr. O’Malley, I loved the Patterdammerung riff.

    Third: Yes, it was I who drank the last of the Bailey’s. I also brought the Walmart Coke. I’ve never seen a difference between name-brand and generic. Or Coke and Pepsi, for that matter.

    Fourth: Haven’t read the comics yet today, and now I’m almost afraid to.

    Fifth: I hate Lio because it is poorly drawn, ugly, and not funny. HATE, HATE, HATE!

  309. Genetic_Mishap
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    I just realized that I share a surname with Lynn. Maybe at the next Johnston Stomp our family can subpoena her to change her name. Or! We could drag her down here, and have a literal Johnston Stomp. Imagine scores of people of all ages, united only by family bonds and the fact that they’re pulverizing the kidneys of some random screaming old woman .

  310. mcmc
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    JP: Uh-oh! Cannibal chef!

  311. Justafoob
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    So where was Susan when Paul was have phone sex, cyber sex, and aural sex with Liz?

    Listening on the extension?

    Reading over his shoulder?

    On her knees playing with his “mouse” acting the part of “Liz”?

    If she didn’t know nothing, then I think that Paul has got some splaining to do.

  312. TheMagicMel
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    FBOFW makes me want to stab my eyes out, but then I’d just be haunted by the ghostly spectre of Granthony’s pornstache for eternity.

    Damn. Guess I’ll pass, then.

  313. Calico
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Mary’s going to Vietnam!
    Mary’s going to Vietnam!
    Mary’s going to Vietnam!
    Did I just sense a paradigm shift? This plot is moving wayyyyy too rapidly now for it to be in the MWT (Mary Worth Time) Zone.
    Giella and Moy, please slow it down! I can’t process this info fast enough.

  314. jennifer
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Why is it that in FOOB everyone looks like someone else? I’m fairly new to this strip and I could have sworn that Paul was Liz’s brother Michael!

  315. Kathy
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    #164

    # 163 Big Stu:
    “…all the characters in the Foobworld are execrable, except for Gordo the Self Made Man….”

    “I think you have a typo or two in there. Here’s what I assume you meant:
    ‘…all the characters in the Foobworld are excrement, especially Gordo the Self Made Man….’ ”

    No, schmuck, he means “execrable,” as in abhorrent or detestable. I hear the fact-checking department at “Sixty Minutes” is looking for people.

  316. Corbie
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    My feelings about today’s FOOB can be best expressed in one single, succinct, eloquent word:

    AAARRRRGH.

    What do you want to bet Granthony comes to “rescue” Liz now that she’s stuck in Mtigwhacky with her cheatin’ Mountie? It would involve a completely implausible chain of smarmy events, true ( which will make it stand out from the rest of FOOB, since the strip revolves around completely IMPOSSIBLE chains of smarmy events.)

  317. Mooselet
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    :::thud, thud, thud::::

    Perhaps whacking my head against my desk will stop the pain that is FBOFW. The blood that pours into my eyes will blind me from ever reading this crap again.

    :::thud, thud, thud:::

  318. Josh
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    People, I know passions are running high due to FOOBERY, but play nice: no name calling.

    I usually have to ban people to the the Cockpit because they’re arguing over stupid politics — if I have to do it because you’re arguing about Gordon, that will be a new low.

    Josh (the Management)

  319. ChefMike
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    and today in Blondie, Dagwood makes a Billy Keane sandwich out of a giant slab of head cheese (well, no, actually but you can imagine)
    FOOB: I am at a loss for words (mostly because I’m sure somewhere in the sea of 300 + comments between here and the Foobiverse on today’s strip, everything I’m feeling is already expressed)
    GA: I’ve seen it happen often enough in 14 years of cooking, and I’m sure it happens in other industries as well…The minute something goes wrong, send the blame down the chain of command right to the low man on the totem pole (in this case, the dishwasher)
    BC I’m gonna take a cue from Johnny Hart and recycle an old joke for this snark “The strip’s called BC ’cause that’s the era all the jokes came from”

  320. doughy lawyer Roy
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Aw Man! I was hoping for a plot twist, something creative out of Foobville today, but my hopes are dashed.

    What kind of fool am I?

  321. Loony Lil
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Now we’re about to see Liz have a total mental meltdown. She’s been cheated on twice in six years, right? And, she’s not fully recovered from almost getting raped, right? So, a mental collapse is imminent.

    I see an intervention coming up shortly.

  322. Archivalist
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Ah, the demented freakshow that is the kids of MT continues. This is like Japanimation on LSD….if that Elrod ball becomes a robot or grows tentacles or legs or whatnot, I may have to stab my PC screen.

    Sally Forth — Nice hair, friend-of-Sally. I haven’t seen a style like that since daguerrotypes went out of use.

  323. True Fable
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    I groaned and cursed because Lynn won.
    And, as it turns out, so did Paul. I’m at peace with that.

    But Lynn could have gone anywhere with today’s strip and made it so much better than Liz’s cheesy little defiant “I am woman” just happened remark.

    Cheating and pretending (like dumping your school teaching commitment at the first sign that Frumpthony is a free man, and then claiming you don’t know why you left, f’rinstance) and covering up (bullshit! bullshit!) happens all the time for you, sweetcakes.

    Paul just didn’t want to get Patterson’d into being a spineless yes-man. He saw the writing on the wall when she started demanding that he drop everything in his life to go wherever she told him to.

    I’m surprised to say, I am satisfied with the fact that Paul is “cheating”, even though I still don’t see how having your car parked in a driveway and going to the door fully dressed can possibly be damning. I’m satisfied because somewhere up in 2 dimensional Canada, a Mountie just saved his own future.

    Die, Liz, and take your calculated Panel 4 tears with you.

  324. Dennis Jimenez
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    MT – How many “shoot the beaver” jokes can we stand.

    Luann – Stick your head between your legs and smell your money maker.

    JP – Yikes – it really is that guy from Sin City.

    A3G – At the Tea Room, at One O’clock, under the Table – whadda ya think, Margo?

    MW – Let’s just hope she’s not the inflammable MW!

  325. Saxman
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    The Star poll is still taking votes, Paul is still well head, but his lead is eroding. Warren could actually pull ahead.

    It appears that the cookie counter resets every day and lets you vote again once a day.

    Hey! Who voted for Anthony?

  326. Calico
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    #203 – I believe that would be “Caribou”, not “Yak.” However, Caribou will indeed make you Yak.
    Too bad Liz doesn’t have a bottle.

    Perhaps now Liz will end up teaching Canadian English in Vietnam to get away from all the Meatwhackers and Foobville-ites, will run into Mary somehow, and they will live happily ever after in a grass and mud hut with a couple of potbellied pigs as pets. Nothin’ like a baby dyke in the wilderness, eh, Mary?

  327. Magnolia
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    foob: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  328. benro
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    #320 – I would tell you, but Josh would banish me to the cockpit..

  329. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    #321: I really really hope the intervention will be done by Chinbeard, Toeby, and Advice Collumn Boy!

  330. cheech wizard
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    224- Drackman – Of course, Satchel never means to insult anybody – it’s Darby that put the fudge-gag in there. Satchel’s just oblivious.

    234- queek – Then again, the Lions do get butt-f***ed by the opposition on a regular basis.

    246- Damn right, Luna! Knock his silly ass Sideways!

  331. mattt
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    #286 – I’m surprised nobody else commented, NotGodot, but I got it and thought it quite funny.

    #321 – “I see an intervention coming up shortly.” And then Liz calmly drives off a cliff in a haze of drunken misery. I can just see it now: the closeup in the last panel as she thinks to herself, “oh, no,” her wide eyes weirdly blinking at us.

  332. Erika
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    You know, Liz could learn something from Margo. You don’t storm off crying, you beat the other person down first.

  333. Black Card
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    In today’s Prickly City, the Coyote is talking about how much he loves porn.

    This is a great day for humanity.

  334. Richard Onley
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    #304: “Chipper and Suds sound like characters from Gasoline Alley”

    You spoke too soon:

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/1/12&name=Gasoline_Alley

    There is a “Suds” in Gasoline Alley!
    And just look at the metaphor: He took the wrong “dish”! And you can see what he ended up with . . . ! Just like the “Suds” in FOOB undoubtedly will!
    If LJ isn’t actually in on this, I think she would approve.

  335. Silhouette
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    All this FOOB anger indicates we are actually surprised. Or perhaps knew it was coming in our heads, but held out hope in our hearts.

    But Paul’s fate was sealed the day he grabbed Susan The Old Friend’s ass.

    Liz in essence dumped him first. They had plans for a future and she left, just because she didn’t feel like being there anymore. It isn’t like she got some great job offer and chose it over him

    As much as I’ll miss Paul, I am happy he escaped.

    Maybe Liz will travel to Vietnam to ease her pain, meet up with Mary, and together they’ll break up a ring of beavers who run Meth labs in old haunted art studios.

  336. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Wha’ hoppin’? For a while now, these comment sections have been a hotbed of “Lio” love. It could do no wrong. Now, suddenly, it’s all about the hate on that strip?

    It’s like… our cartoonist retconned our character completely… an act of character assassination-!! How dare she?!

    DAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNN YOU, LYNN JOHNSTON!! DAAAAAAAAAAMMMNN YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

  337. gh
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Man, this is the least productive workday in a long time, and that’s saying a lot. First I have to check the poll (holding steady — but Agony Caine has gotten 200 votes since yesterday afternoon — we need to keep up the pressure), then read FBOFW, then scroll through the 200 oddd comments since I shut down yesterday. Now it’s time for coffee.

    Maron and Tice, add my voice to the chorus — and nice that they came so close together.

    Old Fogeyette — your HATE HATE HATE for Lio is what caused it to make the cut. It’s not in my paper and I don’t check it on chron.com. You can read it (or not) so I don’t have to.

    As for the Foobocalypse, the problem for those of us who show up here in the morning is there’s been 8 hours of comments already. So I’ll just agree with them: Liz is a bitch; Lynn is a cheat. It was even more pathetic a conclusion than I dreamed possible — a couple middle school kids could have put more genuine passion into the break up, though the dialog would have been exactly the same.

  338. gh
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    That’s Marion, as in Delgado. Sorry.

  339. Tak, the Hideous New Girl
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    337: a couple middle school kids could have put more genuine passion into the break up,

    Well, Lynn doesn’t want to overshadow the passion in the upcoming Courtship of Lizardbreath and Blanthony, so the bar has to be set *real* low.

  340. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MT: D’oh!

    Our friendly LoFo Beavers appear to be a two-animal Sisyphus with their dam, there. Only it seems to be Dickie Morgan who’s being damned to a hell of his own making here. Call it Trailian mythology. Or really, really funny.

  341. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Liz is right. Lying and cheating and covering up don’t just happen. They take a lot of effort, hard work, and focus. We often fail to give two-timers the credit that they’re due. I propose that we take some steps toward rectifying this situation. Let’s give PAUL, THE MOUNTIE WHO MOUNTS MANY, his own strip. Granted, it will have to be web-only. If done right, no newspaper will touch it.

  342. Mazement
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    OK. I’ll agree that FBOFW is continuing to be a train wreck. But I don’t see how everyone can be so obsessed with that when we’ve got a real crisis on our hands:THE BEAVERS ARE CUTTING THE TREES AGAIN…AND THEY ARE REBUILDING THEIR DAM…

    I can’t understand everyone’s indifference.

    Judge Parker: Kids! How does Slylock Fox know that the replacement butler is really a serial-killer/cannibal?

    Answer:
    1 – Perspective in the last frame has us looking up at him from below.
    2 – The lighting puts most of his face in shadow.
    3 – His glasses are opaque disks, hiding his eyes from view.
    4 – Points 1-3 establish that he’s evil. Now we just need to check for hidden double meanings in his “personal approach to cooking” dialog.

  343. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    One more MT comment (hey, that looks like a bad pun!):

    As Theo and Castoria make the dam (again!), suddenly, “Lucky” turns into a 1940′s Looney Tunes beaver, looks to the reader and says, Jerry Colona-style, “Monotonous, isn’t it?”

  344. AAckTPPth
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    The Good News: Liz divorces Blanthony after discovering his HUGE collection of fetish porn.

    The Bad News: We don’t see it because the strip has been frozen just as Liz lifts the ceiling tile in the basement…

    *relurks*

  345. Lynngineering
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Really was that simple wasn’t it. Liz is turning out to be one of the ugliest characters in the FOOBuniverse, unable to recall how she didn’t even take Paul into consideration when she made plans to go back “home”. She has major issues, and they aren’t going to go away in the hands of Lynn. So that leaves April – since anyway all the others are deadmeat. And April won’t get a chance in the world of no more time change post-September. Seems some comic author somewhere is really really pissed at the world, and the crowded psyche she puts out through her characters are getting darker by the day.

    In the end, there isn’t much left now to watch for, except the mechanics of how the whole machine will work out to its inevitability.

  346. Kate
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Those multi-extrusion, amoebic tears in FOOB panel 3! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!

  347. andreavis
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Can I take a moment to thank Mallard Fillmore for sending me to journalism.org? It’s actually a pretty interesting site, with lots of good research. None of it supports today’s assertion, of course, but that’s what you get when you read NewsMax but quote a legit source to cover your feathery ass.

    The only study they cite that compares cable news to network news indicates: network news viewership has declined from 35 million to 27 million over 10 years; cable news viewership has risen from practically zip to about 4.5 million, and it’s in decline now also. Fox ain’t snapping up Katie Couric’s disgruntled viewers, Duck, so give it up already.

  348. Luna
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    MW: I just visited the United Airlines web page. I tried to buy a ticket to Vietnam. What does Mary Worth have that I don’t????

    I’m sick of the FOOBS

    You know what would be cool? If Lynn would turn Liz into a Bridget Jones type character. You know , the current chick-lit stereotype — she would have a best friend who is a gay man, a couple of girlfriends, lots of drinking, smoking, and shagging. We’d still hate it, but think of all the freshness there!

  349. andreavis
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    #339-Tak, I don’t normally act like a cheerleader for COTW, but I think your comment totally rocks, if the coffee on my monitor is any indication!

  350. cheech wizard
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    The “unsinkable Mary Worth” heads off to Vietnam. Unfortunately, she’s flying, not taking a ship. So no doubt they’ll find her corpse bobbing in the South China Sea after her Tupolev airliner drops out of the sky because the Air Borneo mechanics neglected to replace the rubber bands at the prescribed intervals.

  351. Mike
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Hope Mary got her visa. She’ll be deported upon entry if she didn’t.

  352. Allie Cat
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Foob – The question now becomes one of etiquette. How long must Blandthony wait until he professes his undying love?

    There has to be a period of mourning for Liz, otherwise, anyone she dates is just a rebound.

    But as we know, Anthony is not know for tact, sensitivity or good timing, so maybe by Valentine’s Day, they’ll be together.

  353. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Wreckedcon Dept.

    In FOOB, the character of Paul Wright was changed to contrive him as a cheat to replay the furshlugginer Eric storyline. Among her modern-day crimes, it seems Lynn Johnston can change characters on a whim for no good reason. That would be a disaster played elsewhere, as seen…
    IF LYNN JOHNSTON CREATED OTHER COMIC STRIPS

    artist: Wally Wood c. 1960
    writer: Mibbit

    MT – “Molly understands Mickey Bitsko’s hostility all too well!”

    MF – “Did you ever notice that George Bush is actually Godzilla on a really bad day*? Why can’t he be like those sensible Clintons?”
    *MoveOn.org

    A3G – Margo selflessly gives to charity. LuAnn reads a book on complex math problems and their philosophical inplications in world affairs. Heads perfectly still.

    Lockhorns – Hugging, huge smiles, valentine hearts all over the panel.

    FW – Well, the whole strip is exactly like it was in 1978, but in brand new installments. And everybody’s happy.

    BC – “Hail Satan! Hail Satan!” (oops, a regular BC strip was used instead of the parody one. Our apologies – ed.)

    Garfield – “Hey, I didn’t notice what tiny feet you have there, Garfield!”

    TDIET – “Pop Potrzebie caught his son, Commonsenseo, making the bed. No contrived hypocrisy, just making his bed.”

  354. ScottR.
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    I don’t understand why people are upset with FOOB. This is exactly what I wanted- Liz deserves the stache’. Why would you want Paul to end up with Liz?! What has he ever done to you?

  355. benro
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    #351 – Let’s be thankful that MW did not take the RMMD tactic and show us Mary waiting in line at the Vietnamese consulate for three weeks, exchanging platitudes with the other people in line.

  356. rich
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    308: Aw, Fogeyette, there are some truly bad strips out there more worthy of your hate. I think Lio is quite well drawn actually, it has a nice clean line and a lot of detail. It’s not necessarily “funny”, more weird or twisted in an Addams Family kind of way. He does recycle jokes now and then, but who doesn’t? Plus he has a lot of anti-hunting gags, such as arming the beasts to retalliate against their stalkers, which makes it okay in my book (I think those were some of the “too dark” strips that resulted in getting Lio pulled from some papers it had just been added to).

    I wish I could post a link to that strip last fall where Lio accidentally wandered into a Mary Worth panel, but uComics doesn’t allow access to strips over a month old! It was a good one.

  357. Calico
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    #351 – doesn’t a Visa for many countries involve an application/determination time of at least three months prior to departure to said country?
    This is why the MW time-warp is freaking me out.
    Unless-Gary Dent’s “business venture” has something to do with Mary’s rapid Visa-procurement.

  358. gh
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    #354 ScottR.

    “I don’t understand why people are upset with FOOB.”

    You want to know why? You ever started coming down with a bad stomach virus and you try to fight it but you just keep knotting up and finally you can’t help it and you’re hanging onto the commode spewing up everything you’ve eaten for the past seven days and it just keeps coming and when that’s gone you keep retching and heaving and moaning and the next day your diaphragm is so sore you can’t bend over? You know what that’s like? Because that’s what’s going to happen to all of us when the Couple of Destiny get together. They may deserve each other, but we don’t deserve to have to watch it happen.

  359. JudeMorrigan
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    #303 – First she needs to find out that Warren knew about Chipper and Suds and was setting her up. Only then will she be prepared to flee to the safety of the mustached-one.

  360. Old Fogeyette
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    #356 rich–I will take your defense of Lio into account, especially if he armed animals against hunters. That I would like. But what I HATE most about it is in fact all the scribbly detail and his hideous hair and the fact that even though there is no dialogue signs and things with words are needed to explain it. Mostly I hate his hair. HATE HATE HATE. Plus they put it right in the center of the comic page next to Mutts so I have to at least glance at it.

  361. ChristyNell
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    I’m beginning to understand Lynn Johnson a little better. Her whole idea about her characters telling her what’s going to happen is really just the result of her mind’s limitations. Liz can’t be independent from her family, live an adventurous life, and marry the exotic man, because Lynn herself doesn’t know what that’s like. So of course Liz will “tell her” she wants to go home, and Paul will “tell her” that he’s suddenly a creep to accomodate Liz, and so on and so forth. They cannot resist it. It’s like God and predeterminism.

    Holy crap, I just scared myself to death.

  362. Pleasekillme
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Liz will now rebound to Warren and become engaged. He will be so elated that he will crash his copter into Lake Mukluk and be paralyzed from the neck down. Lizard will dump him like half the man he is and re-rebound to Granthony and his basement prison. I can’t wait.

    JP – Does Hart’s personal touch include feeding the salami to his employer’s guests? We’ll find out in about three weeks when the plane arrives.

  363. Old Fogeyette
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    But what I really came here to say–and I guess it’s a good thing the thread is probably nearly over–is that I’m on Liz’s side in this. I once had a Canadian boyfriend, and even though I perhaps wasn’t the best girlfriend in the world, I remained totally faithful to him even though we lived in different countries. But he couldn’t be faithful to me, and it was humiliating and heartbreaking when I found out. Plus he never sent me back my books.

    I didn’t run back to the boy next door, by the way. The Canadian guy WAS the boy next door, who had moved to Canada and then we got together like fifteen years later.

    Overall, it was a good thing for both of us but I didn’t see that at the time, and I can imagine, in my crazed and brokenhearted state, having married someone on the rebound if there had been anyone to marry.

  364. NEW-ME
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    FC- Hey Bill gained about 100 pounds since Christmas, he’s been eating to many oreo sandwiches…

    Rhymes with Orange- A Jewish mouse?

    JP- Is the new butler black or white, yesterday he was white and today he is black, the incredible morphing butler…

  365. vanya
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Let’s all be perfectly clear on this. #354 is right. We should all be happy Paul escaped Liz’s clutches. If you read between the lines in Foobia it is quite clear that Liz is an evil manipulative bitch, and Lynn is having a hard time telling the story without revealing that fact. Paul did not “cheat”, he ended up with the hometown sweetheart he deserved. Paul and Susan are a funhouse mirror of Liz and Granthony except Paul and Susan are the attractive interesting people – L & G are the twisted deformed monsters.

  366. Saxman
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Luna

    I could come frighteningly close to booking a round trip, two week flight from Houston to Hanoi via on Yahoo travel. Prices ranged from $1,382 to $9,700. (China Airlines/Delta the cheapest and Air France the most expensive).

    The Visa issue seems insurmountable though. It appears to take months. Maybe somebody in State owes MW a favor. maybe she will fly to China and go cross country (sorta like Laura Cross, only with no skin tight shirts I hope).

    Now I am going to meditate and lower my blood pressure and heart rate back down to normal. Coming that close to flying to Vietnam is still a traumatic experience to us children of the Fifties.

  367. benro
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    #363 – I guess it’s a good thing the thread is probably nearly over

    We’re just getting warmed up!!!

  368. Mountain Mama
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Thank you all for understanding. I’ve come back with some Cuervo and plenty of limes.

    I’m thinking if Mary is on a boat to Vietnam, will she have Jonah’s fate? I’m sure the crew will come to fear her like the the crew in the Bible. Would she be swallowed by the whale?

    Do biddies taste bitter? I’m thinking yes.

  369. Cornwhacker
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    360, 363, I think I see now. You hate Lio’s hair because it reminds you of Ed Grimley, played by Canadian actor Martin Short, and Canada reminds you of that heartbreak long ago. It’s all so clear now!

  370. Tak, the Hideous New Girl
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    andreavis: Thank you so much! (Sorry about the monitor, though.)

    I keep forgetting to post my opinion on the current Mary Worth storyline, which is:

    Mary + Vietnam = Awesome!

  371. Justafoob
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    in post #348 Luna said

    You know what would be cool? If Lynn would turn Liz into a Bridget Jones type character. You know , the current chick-lit stereotype — she would have a best friend who is a gay man, a couple of girlfriends, lots of drinking, smoking, and shagging. We’d still hate it, but think of all the freshness there!

    We already have that strip. It is called Apt 3G

  372. Dingo
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Wow. WOW I actually go to bed at a decent hour and both FOOB and this thread go to shit. Josh warns us against comments made toward Gordon? Dios mio!

    This morning, I actually read the entire Chicago Tribune saving FOOB for last. I wanted to savor it like a dingo playing with a baby (lo siento). After reading said strip and letting out a gutteral howl similar to a Sasquatch or Paris Hilto being fucked with a Chippendale chair, I came onto this site and – lo! – I’m glad that I did. Y’all are correct; isn’t it great that two childhood sweethearts will be together? Not Liz and Blanthony, no, no, no. Chipper and Suds! Paul has dodged a bullet with Selfish White Bitch from Lower Ontario leaving his life. Populate the north country, Paul and Susan!

  373. Luna
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    #366 Saxman —

    I apologize for instigating a flashback. I’ve got some Valium if you need it.

  374. Axel Fusco
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    So Lynn is clearly going the Wizard of Oz route on everything. To quote Dorothy from the end of the movie, “If I’m ever looking for my own heart’s desire, I’ll never look past my own backyard. Because if it’s not there, I probably never really lost it to begin with.” Paul and Susan; Liz and Anthony. Home town honeys. I love the Wizard of oz, but I still hate FOOBs!

  375. willethompson
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Josh (hey, fellow WNYer – you listening?) HAS to restart this thread now that LizardBreath is having her snitfit, and when he does, I’ll repost the following, but I just…can’t…WAIT!

    The Canadian Board of Culture FOOBfest concert series continues with another fine Canadian singer/songwriter, Joni Mitchell, going out to Sally, Anne, Spotted HØrse, Tice, Sheilagh, Dingo, Poteet, SPOI and the rest of you faithful readers!

    (cue the Tom Scott-arranged horns…)

    Lizzie’s Lament (to the tune of Free Man in Paris)

    The way I see it, she said
    I just can’t win it…
    Every single boyfriend I’ve ever had
    Has done me wrong.
    They’re always cheating on poor little me.
    I do my best
    ‘cause I’m a good teaser –
    There’s a lotta guys to jerk around,
    Gotta play with their heads,
    Gotta keep their balls nice and bluuuuuuue

    I was a free chick in T’ronto,
    I felt unfettered and alive,
    Since I moved back with my parents
    And ditched that Indian tribe!
    But then I went back a day early,
    Didn’t bother to make a call,
    Just to see if my replacement
    Was knockin’ boots with Paaaaaaaul

    I date big cheaters,
    Potential wife-beaters,
    Lately I wonder what I do it for –
    Like I really know.
    I ought to get on the bus
    and travel,
    Back down to Yonge Street
    Going from Eaton’s to the Bay
    Thinking how I’ll feel when I find
    That hairy-lipped slave of miiiiiiiiiine.

    I’ll be a Lynn clone in T’ronto
    I’ll be a lumpy suburban bride,
    I’ll have a hankerin’ for cinnamon
    and for taking a moustache ride!
    I want to marry my father
    (Or a reasonable facsimile)
    So despite what the poll said
    I’ll get chained to Anthonyyyyyyyy

  376. Josh
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Dingo #372 — anyone can slam Gordo all they want. I just don’t want people to start calling each other nasty names because some of them like the used car impresario and some don’t.

    Josh

  377. Uncle Lumpy
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    #351 Mike
    #357 Calico
    #366 Saxman

    Oh c’mon – if Mary doesn’t have a Visa, she can use her damn MasterCard!

  378. gh
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #375 willethompson

    Wow! Two for two — both home runs. I guess that just leaves Neil Young. How about “I’ve Seen the Mounty and the Damage Done”?

  379. Uncle Lumpy
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    #375 williethompson –

    Lovely song!

    It’s UL Approved®!

  380. Allie Cat
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Foob – As a woman who’s had a boyfriend cheat on her, I kind of feel for Liz.

    As a person who has seen this coming for six months, I am happy for Paul and Susan.

    I still have burning questions though – is she going to stay for the next three days? Will she leave in a huff? If she does, Jesse’s going to be mad and hurt. If she leaves now, how will she get out? Her hecopter ride is gone and she blew her money on tickets she didn’t use. Is Mom going to come pick her up and spend the trip lecturing her on “a man she can count on?”

    Or are we going to cut to some other domestic drama and in a week, find Liz back home wallowing in her own crapulence?

  381. Big Stu
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    #288 – Vanya – excellent analysis. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been trying to articulate what I found so loathsome about the Liz-in-Mtigawi storyline, but you hit the nail on the head with one word: “condesceding”. Mtigawi only exists for Liz (and her creator Lynn) as a place to have an exotic adventure, and as a resume-padder, before she grows up, gets real, and becomes a suburban drone.. er… contributing member of society. The whole experience was an ego-stroker. She sweeps in, dazzles the savages, seduces the most eligible bachelor, then runs back to a life of perusing the aisles of Best Buy with Flabby-o. Don’t cry for me Mtigawi!

  382. Professor Fate
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: YOU I HATE. DEEP HATRED.

    What trash –what utter tripe – what a seriously dishonest piece of junk this is. And the drama queen nonsense coming at the end of a ham fisted mush headed plot that isn’t as well thought out as a Yogi Bear cartoon is merely the foul icing on a half baked cake of self righteous rottenness. Lynn might as well draw strings on each character or big wind up keys on their backs for all their resemblance to actual human beings has long since ceased.

    Lynn. Just stop. Just stop right now. End it. Start a new strip, bake do something but stop this massacre, this mulish instance that a woman’s best bet is a whining loveless self pitying dork a Darth Vader of blandness with a mustache substituting for a personality. I keep expecting him to greet Liz at the door of his house in a gimp suit and hand Liz the chain expecting her to tie him to that creepy little play house in the basement. A self made eunuch a tower of bland nothing who makes passive aggressive people look macho. This is your ideal man?

    Sorry I have to go injure myself with a rock now.

  383. Mazeville
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    I’m probably alone on this, but I don’t mind the diversion of the FBOFW debacle at the moment. I don’t care a lot about the particular characters there — with all the recent disappointments in the storyline, I’ve managed to emotionally divest myself somewhat. (OK, so it’s mainly wishful thinking. But I’m *trying* at least…)

    Why? Because it keeps my mind off of the storyline in MT. I’m most concerned about the potential fate of the happy little beaver couple, who just want to have a nice home and make lots of little beavers — but are facing the rage of the resident property owner. THAT really stresses me out.

  384. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Andreavis (#347) – I poked around at journalism.org to find something that might support Tinsley’s claim (that ABC, CBS, and NBC news are losing viewers to FOX; the message being of course that Real Amercans ™ know gleaming monosyllabic truthyness when they sees it ). I came up with zip. However, I did find this:

    Fully two thirds of Americans (66%) who said network television was their main source of news also said they believed that news organizations cared more about attracting the biggest audience than they did about keeping the public informed (28%).

    Hey, Tinsley. Esse quam videri, my friend.

  385. Loppie Scaduto
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    375 willethompson: very very well done! Add it to the permanent forum!

    353 Mibbitmaker: “artist: Wally Wood c. 1960″

    You win the prize right there, man. I don’t even know what the prize is, but you win it on cool-points right there. Ohhh yeahhhh…

  386. gh
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Dingo (now that you’re up)

    I was in the grocery store last night and what should come on the in-house radio station but “Downtown.” I started laughing all over again. People found it . . . odd.

  387. Loppie Scaduto
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    382 Professor Fate: everyone else in the office is looking at me funny cuz I keep remembering some line or another from this post and then laughing till my eyes run, and, I mean, how can I explain?

    You had me at “gimp suit”.

  388. willethompson
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    gh – #378 – a capital (as in Ottawa) idea, although I was leaning toward Bachmann Turnover Drive and The Guess Who, but you open up some interesting possibilites with Neil Young…

    …I’ve seen the Mountie and the damage done
    a thorough Margo-ing for everyone…

  389. MossMoses
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Why does the ubiquiducks’ father cares about Lucky and Castoria rebuilding the dam? Dad’s gonna be mad! He’ll peck Lucky’s eyes out this time…

  390. Gal Friday
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    #382 Ditto–dishonest is the word! As someone else said above: the amazing Paul had time to 1) do his policing job, 2) spend long nights on the phone with Liz, and 3) apparently commute down to see and woo Susan.

    Ugh! I’m going to desperately try to focus my energies on MW going to Vietnam!

  391. gh
    January 12th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    #383 Mazeville

    I must admit, I’ve had to look away from MT several times today as well. Too easy to imagine a future containing some combination of dynamite and strychnine. This being MT though, maybe Lucky will recognize Rusty and come a runnin’ and Mark will gather both beavers in his arms and Jeep them across the mountain and it will be ubiquiducks all around as they settle into their new split-level lodge with the kits. The end. [And I still say this whole beaver thing is a dodge to get Molly off-stage, never to be seen again.]

    #388 willethompson

    Well, Liz is a [North] “American Woman.” In spades.

  392. Axel Fusco
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    If Mark Trail is do darned smart, why didn’t he keep Mrs. Teddy captive in his safe little menagerie until he also captured Teddy? Then he could have transported the mating pair together, thus better assuring that they might stay put in their new environment.

  393. Tukla in Iowa
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    #310: JP: Uh-oh! Cannibal chef!

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought that.

  394. monica
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    #368 – Mountain Mama, thanks for the Cuervo – and you’ve raised such an interesting question!

    I think biddies probably taste like a strange amalgam of almond extract and dust, followed by a horribly bitter aftertaste. Bleggh!

  395. queek
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    cheech, and here I just thought that the Lions sucked.

    257: I was wondering if anyone was going to notice that. Maybe the river flows around the mountain?

    “Castoria’ll be swimming ’round the mountain when she comes. . . .”

    *adds kudos to Gorden Lightfoob song*

  396. Tukla in Iowa
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    So is Liz implying that she’d rather have Paul break up with her via email than in person? Because that certainly would have been more convenient for Paul.

  397. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    In other news:

    Uggers Ya know, I have not in the past, nor will I ever participate in MySpace (as Les Claypool once penned “Anonymity is a virture, in this day and age”). That being said, I’m pretty certain ol’ Brookins has screwed the pooch here, metaphorcally speaking**. MySpace is a social networking tool; the Plugger using the ‘fridge to post to-do lists and reminders and whatnot would be more appropriately distinguished as the “Plugger PDA” or the “Plugger BlackBerry”.

    Wouldn’t the Plugger MySpace be, I dunno, like the VFW or the SRTR?

    ** Jeepers, I just thought of my own Pluggers submission. When a Plugger “screws the pooch”… GAAAA! My BRAIN!

  398. PeteMoss
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Foob – Woo hoo! “Noodly arms” and a “clammy embrace” await the Lizard. The ‘Stache will brush away those tears, baby.

    MT- Dam. Mark Trail kinda sucks at moving beavers, doesn’t he?

    Lio- I didn’t like it at first, but it’s grown on me. At least it doesn’t take much of my time to read so I can rush onward to MT beaver adventures.

  399. (Gr)Anthony Caine
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    You’re all a bunch of player haters.

  400. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Um, and I’m pretty sure Les Claypool spelled “virtue” properly.

    Oops.

  401. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 12th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Not to mention: “metaphorically”

    Sheesh. Picked a bad week to quit sniffin’ glue…

  402. Foobaphobe
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Bold Prediction:
    Anthony the Stalker is chartering a chopper even as we speak and will show up in Mtigwiki-wiki Land by the end of next week, to sweep Elizabeth off her feet and into his limp, weak, clammy arms. Having seen the photo of Mr. Lynn Johnston posted on the official Foob site, I’m confident that Lynn regards this as the bestest thing that could ever happen, as it frees Liz from ever having to engage in icky “roadside” stuff.
    As Tom Servo reminds us again and again, “Canada – where the hell do you get off, sharing borders with counties far superior to it? You lousy, stinking, bacon-loving, francophonic bastards, your country’s just a giant piece of…(mustn’t hate, mustn’t hate.)”

  403. Uncle Lumpy
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    402 – Foobaphobe

    Well! They may share our border, but we certainly shouldn’t be expected to share theirs!

  404. gh
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    I read Mary Worth this morning and actually thought they’d misspelled Toeby’s name. I spend too much time here.

    I’m just glad she couldn’t talk the unspeakable Mary Worth out of leaving. I’m so looking forward to her 48 hour layover in Pyongyang.

  405. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    #384 SPOI — “Esse quam videri” was my high school’s motto, as well as being the state motto of (I think) one of the Carolinas. I think this is the first time I’ve ever heard it in conversation (or read it, I guess, actually).

    What does it mean?

  406. Axel Fusco
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    # 405: “Esse quam videri” = “To be, rather than to seem.”

  407. whuppita whuppita whomp
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    BOOMP BOOM BOOMPA BOOM
    WHAPPITA WHAPPITA WHAKK

    TICKA TAP TICKA TAP, TAP
    TAPPITA TAPPITA TICK TAP

    DUST SHINE POLISH DUST
    CLEAN CLEAN WIPE BUFF

    WHUPPA WHUPPA SSCRABP SPLAPPL
    WHIP PBTOOO SPLAP DROOL

    BLUUURB GLAAAH BLFFT
    SQUISH SPLAT SPLAT

  408. HBGlord
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    #274 — Too late, Spotted HØrse — i’ve already peeped at Dean Booth’s marvelous misapplication of Photoshop, which brings the Tijuana Bible into the 21st century. I do like the idea, though, that out in the frozen tundra (to employ the NFL’s favorite redundant phrase and drop a Packers reference) of Mtiglemeelmo, some talented Russian bikini-area technician fashioned a stylish “Lynn” pattern out of Paul’s moss patch.

  409. Jeff
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Let’s all be perfectly clear on this. #354 is right. We should all be happy Paul escaped Liz’s clutches. If you read between the lines in Foobia it is quite clear that Liz is an evil manipulative bitch, and Lynn is having a hard time telling the story without revealing that fact. Paul did not “cheat”, he ended up with the hometown sweetheart he deserved. Paul and Susan are a funhouse mirror of Liz and Granthony except Paul and Susan are the attractive interesting people – L & G are the twisted deformed monsters.

    My God, that’s profound.

    Seriously – hot mountie Paul *is* the antithesis of Porn-stachony. Think about it: Paul is a cop; Anthony sells friggin’ donuts for a living!

    Liz let her boy next door slip through her fingers; Sue fought for her man and got him back.

    I have achieved nivana, and now I’m going to go to the can…

  410. Dicky
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    As busted up as I am about the whole FOOB f’ed up beyond belief story-line, I had an exceptional idea in that place where so many of us have exceptional ideas: the shower.

    Someone needs to chart the whole Liz/Paul distance thing to the music of Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive, with Paul being the singer of course. I mean, it fits quite nicely with Liz as the antagonist leaving (goodbye as weapon) and returning (back from outer space/dropping in and expecting him to be free). I don’t quite remember the level of stalker emotion that Paul had in the beginning which could have manifested as fear and a loss of will to live, but he’s definitely fine now.

  411. Justafoob
    January 12th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    The person they left out of the poll, and who is going to wind up with Liz is Howard Erk.

    She will she he is much more pathetic than Granthony and will go running to his waiting arms.

    Plus, he is the father figure that she is longing for — one of the episodes that LJ is going to revisit from the past is the time Elly was out of town, John got all boozed up, and then went home and found Liz in here bathrobe with zit cream all over her face and. . .

    Well, we will just have to wait and see, won’t we.

  412. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    #405 (SQB) “Esse quam videri” was my high school’s motto

    Ohmygawd! It was my high school’s motto too! That was the only reason I remembered it. I think they recently changed it to something more contemporary, you know like: “always wear a dental dam”. Not a bad sentiment, I suppose, but it just doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. Maybe if it were in Latin…

    Wait a tick, you didn’t go to high school in Pittsburgh did you?

  413. Dingo
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    with apologies to Burt Bacharach and Hal David

    Why does glurge suddenly seem flip
    Every time I read your strip?
    Just like me, throngs long to see
    You bitchslapped.

    In your mind, the 50s never end
    Women pine for their men
    Stay at home, pies on the dome
    Such a FOOB

    On the day that FOOB was born
    The angels got together
    And decided to take bets on who’s the goon
    But they never thought a thousand times
    That Blanthony would be sublime
    To you!

    That is why all curmudgeonites
    Talk disdain with such delight
    Just like me, they long to see
    You bitchslapped

    On the day that FOOB was born
    The angels got together
    And decided to take bets on who’s the goon
    But they never thought a thousand times
    That Blanthony would be sublime
    To you!

    That is why all curmudgeonites
    Talk disdain with such delight
    Just like me, they long to see
    You bitchslapped.

    Wahhhhhhhhhhh, STB!
    Wahhhhhhhhhhh, STB!
    Hahhhhhhhhhhh, STB!
    Lahhhhhhhhhhh, STB!

  414. bootsybooks
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    #372, Dingo, I loved your story, and you two are cute! I think Josh threatened excommunication not over differing Gordo viewpoints, but because one poster called another a schmuck.

    Liz says Paul lied, and cheated. Is it not possible that Paul and Susan were having a perfectly chaste renewal of their long friendship, realized they wished to pursue it romantically, and Paul decided the honorable way was to tell Liz in person when he saw her, before he and Chipper became more than friends?

    Mike or Granthony would have been allowed by her to do the honorable thing. Actually, Granthony was coming on to Liz while he was still married, but her parents still think he rocks.

  415. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    #412 SPOI — No, I am no Pittsburgher. (Pittsburghian?) I went to high school in Esquimalt, part of greater Victoria, the capital of British Columbia, Canada. Home of Nelly Furtado and Steve Nash, and the place where Jason Priestley’s parents first met.

    I think the most famous person to go to my high school is the actress Meg Tilly (in the last decade or more, her little sister Jennifer has surpassed her level of fame and I think was even nominated for an Oscar once).

  416. Krazy Kat
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Here’s my song:

    Suds and Chipper
    Sittin inna tree
    K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

  417. Dingo
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, bootsybooks. Your city, New Orleans, will always hold a special place in my heart thanks to being the town where I was when someone cheated (Gawd, I sound like a Sara Evans song… or Sara Evans). As to the high school motto, as a child of the Chicago metropolitan area, ours should have been Ubi Est Mea or Where’s Mine? Mike Royko of the Chicago Tribune came up with that to replace Urbs in Horto (City in a Garden) for the Windy City. Y’have to understand Chicago politics to get that. Then again, after reading this past week about those five Texas cheerleaders and their parents (including the high school principal mother of one of the girls), it’s everywhere.

    We should be so thankful to the Pattersons for serving as an example of how good, decent, white Christians can lead the way.

  418. gh
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    # 414 bootsybooks

    “Liz says Paul lied, and cheated. Is it not possible that Paul and Susan were having a perfectly chaste renewal of their long friendship, realized they wished to pursue it romantically, and Paul decided the honorable way was to tell Liz in person when he saw her, before he and Chipper became more than friends?”

    Bingo! That’s the Paul that makes sense, not the Lynn-deformed monster we’re supposed to believe he’s become.

  419. Dingo
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Skullturf, both Tilly sisters have nominations:

    Jennifer Tilly – 1994 Best Actressing in a Supporting Role (Bullets Over Broadway)
    Meg Tilly – 1985 Best Actressing in a Supporting Role (Agnes of God)

    Both were nominated but lost (Anjelica Huston in 1985 and Dianne Weist in 1994 won supporting actress).

  420. Dingo
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Um… I meant to write “Best Actress in a Supporting Role.” However, “Best Actressing” does have its charms. Sounds like something my grandmother would say.

    Miriam’s granddaughter? Oh, she’s out on the coast, actressing. Had a supporting role in The Rural Juror.

  421. ianscot
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Paul’s sin: He became involved with someone who, you know, chose to be around him rather than live with her smotheringly overclose parents in the ‘burbs.

    Anthony’s sin: He married someone completely ill-suited for him, knowing that she didn’t want kids when he did, and then he twisted her arm so she finally relented and had a child. She became embittered — surprise — and they divorced, leaving him as a single parent. Meanwhile, while still married, he was begging Elizabeth to “wait” in a way that can only be construed as “two-timing.”

    She’s ticked at Paul for supposedly committing this horrible crime — hurting her — largely because of the circumstances of their lives which kept them apart. She herself created those circumstances.

    Look in the mirror, Lizzy.

  422. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, I love ya baby, but Bullets Over Broadway? Pah.

    Three words: Bride Of Chucky.

  423. Mazement
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    OK, I’ve thoroughly researched the Vietnam travel situation. The visa requirement isn’t a huge obstacle. It apparently only takes them 5-7 business days to process the application, or 2-3 days if you pay for expedited processing.

    I spotted a couple of traps on the application. Mary would have given “Occupation: Unemployed” and “Purpose of Visit: Meddling”. Those would have gotten her blacklisted as undesirable.

    Then she would have needed to fill out a second application, using Aldo’s passport (which she would have found while snooping through his apartment after the funeral.) So figure 2-3 weeks for the whole process.

    Here’s the State Department Advisory warning what risks Mary will have to face.

  424. HBGlord
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    #412: SPOI, “always wear a dental dam” — har! If i had gone to Catholic elementary school at anytime but the post-Vatican II vernacular folk mass ’60s, i’d be able to translate it for you, alas.

    And while my school probably had a motto, i don’t recall it. But i will always recall the fact that our school song was sund to the tune of “Deutschland Ãœber Alles.” I really, really wish i were making that up.

  425. HBGlord
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    #424: I meant “sung” — just the thought of Sister Mary Sadistica’s iron-trimmed ruler has me all flustered.

  426. MagicDave
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Oh sure, FBOFW might be boring TODAY, but look at Liz’ face in panel three, she’s about to go all Tarantio on their cheating asses. A few panels down the line, we’ll see her hand slowly come out of her coat pocket clutching a Glock 40 (or whatever it is they use for weapons up there in Canada, sharpened moose antlers or somesuch). There will be red snow in Mtigwaki tonight.

  427. JudeMorrigan
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    My high school’s mottoe:

    Semper ubi sub ubi!

    Ok, not really. Even though it’s good advice. If bad grammar/vocab.

  428. Tukla in Iowa
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    #409: Jeff, you go too far, sir. Never mock those who vend donuts.

  429. Spotted HØrse
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    FOOB:
    #229 Marion Delgado: Trainman molestations? Close your eyes and think of Canada! Great stuff! My wizened, noodly attention span allowed me to miss these yesterday.

    #375 willethompson:

    I’ll be a Lynn clone in T’ronto
    I’ll be a lumpy suburban bride,

    Yes, this will be a sight. You actually have me looking forward to the nuptials.

    #379 Uncle Lumpy

    #375 williethompson -
    Lovely song!

    It’s UL Approved®!

    Didn’t I see your seal of approval on Margo’s “tree?”

    #408 HBGlord:

    some talented Russian bikini-area technician fashioned a stylish “Lynn” pattern out of Paul’s moss patch.

    I noticed that myself! Tres decorative!

    Luann:#324 Dennis Jimenez:

    Stick your head between your legs and smell your money maker.

    If I had a dollar for every time someone advised me to do that…

    MT: #392 Axel: Take a wildlife attracting tip from renowned poachers Jake n’ Snake, and chain Castoria to a tree. This attracts male beavers, male rangers, Kelly Welly, and naughty nature lovers.

  430. Uncle Lumpy
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    #429 Spotted HØrse –

    Anything Margo does is automatically UL Approved®!

    I mean, are you kidding? That bitch’ll kill you!

  431. Spotted HØrse
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy: Very wise, my friend. Very wise.

  432. Spotted HØrse
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    #361 ChristyNell says:

    Liz can’t be independent from her family, live an adventurous life, and marry the exotic man, because Lynn herself doesn’t know what that’s like. So of course Liz will “tell her” she wants to go home, and Paul will “tell her” that he’s suddenly a creep to accomodate Liz, and so on and so forth. They cannot resist it. It’s like God and predeterminism.

    When Lynn revealed that her characters told her their feelings and motivations, I was irritated beyond words. When the interviewer asked her what was in store for her characters, she went all Keane on us: “Ida Know,” revealing such a smarmy, mealy-mouthed smugness I wanted to choke her.

    So Lynn is a product of the fifties. So were Betty Friedan and Sylvia Plath, and they possessed talent, guts, and intellectual honesty.

    Boy, have I gotten to despise Lynn Johnston.

  433. Spotted HØrse
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Thread’s dead, baby. Thread’s dead. But still trying to catch up…
    #413 Dingo: Using anything from the Carpenters catalogue is the perfect way to enrobe the glurge that IS Lynn Johnston.

  434. Spotted HØrse
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Lio:
    #360 Old Fogeyette:

    But what I HATE most about it is in fact all the scribbly detail and his hideous hair and the fact that even though there is no dialogue signs and things with words are needed to explain it

    Yeah, it’s pretty annoying. What bugs me is that a strip without dialogue is like mime and needs some comprehension of comedic timing on the artist’s part. Tatulli’s sense of timing is horribly stunted. The strip’s conceit of avoiding dialogue, to me, indicates this dude can’t write dialogue.

    I agree that the aesthetics suck; but then, you could be looking at the hydrocephalic scribbles of Prickly City.

  435. Loppie Scaduto
    January 12th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    434 Spotted HØrse: “The strip’s conceit of avoiding dialogue, to me, indicates this dude can’t write dialogue.”

    Tatulli also does “Heart of the City”. Lotsa dialogue — judge for yourself if he can write it. [Me, I like HOTC...]

  436. mark
    January 12th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    People, people. Liz has good reason to be mad and freak out like she did. Paul wasn’t wearing any pants when he came to the door.

  437. Spotted HØrse
    January 12th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    #435 Loppie:
    I’ll certainly check it out. Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve gone off half-cocked!

  438. TB Tabby
    January 12th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    365: “Paul and Susan are a funhouse mirror of Liz and Granthony except Paul and Susan are the attractive interesting people – L & G are the twisted deformed monsters.”

    That’s just it! We’ll probably never see either of them again, now, instead getting the “twisted deformed monsters.” At least if Liz hooked up with Paul, we’d get ONE appealing character.

  439. Anonymous
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    If I were Billy, I would dip the cookie sandwich in batter & deep fry it.

  440. Deb
    January 13th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW

    Dingo

    You owe me a new keyboard. I spit out Tahitian Treat all over my desk laughing at that.

    OK.

    I’ve been on the FBOFW Fan Wagon for simply eons now. I used to read it when I was a kid in elementary school and occasionally whenever I picked up a paper. There were years when I didn’t read it at all but one day I got a 3rd shift job that was boring as hell. Our local paper here had dropped Cathy a few years back and I decided to see if I could catch up with it online. That’s when I discovered the FBOFW website.

    I was quickly bored by Cathy who had gotten married (WTF?!) but I kept reading FBOFW. I went back through all the monthly strip fixes and read them all. Three years worth at the time and I’ve been keeping up ever since.

    Now one of the story lines really threw me for a loop. The one with the girl stealing from the shop and threatening April and Elly STILL didn’t have the guts to fire her. That was just strange. If someone puts a toe out of line around me kid they would have been gone in an instant. But Elly, Mrs I’m tough enough to raise a husband 3 kids and a zillion pets but can’t fire one God awful employee? I couldn’t understand that.

    April, although she does not have a real life counterpart is exactly like my own 14 year old; Smart, talented and snarky to a fault so I could relate which is why I think I kept reading. When you’re raising teenagers you’ll take any lifeline of empathy you can get.

    I also really liked how Michael and Deanna’s story is turning out. I keep figuring there’s hope for me getting it together one day too. And like Michael, I recently had a housing disaster that meant moving back home.

    And then Elizabeth. I guess most of the comments here revolve around her being a constant virgin and how the series is pretty pure overall. I think that’s a part of the series charm because I have enough sex and drama in my own life that it’s nice to read a comic that’s a little low on those things.

    But I really like the comments here and how everyone has their own take on the FOOBiverse. I don’t feel like I’m ready to really call it FOOBish but some of the comments are really spot on.

    I guess I like FBOFW the most because it’s about relatively quite suburban life like mine in the midwest except there are no black people in FBOFW.

  441. comicsn00b
    January 13th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    ^ I look up and I admire

  442. comicsn00b
    January 13th, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    I AM HEREBY SUSPENDING THE LAW THAT SAYS THAT THE PRESIDENT MUST FIGHT LIKE A GIRL

    DO AS THOUGH WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE ADVICE

  443. osb1
    January 14th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    I’m thinking of going back to school for my PHD. My disertation will be focused on the look on Jeffy’s face and how that somes up the worth of “The Family Circus” to our society.

  444. osb1
    January 14th, 2007 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    I’m thinking of going back to school for my PHD. My disertation will be focused on the expression Jeffy wears on his face and how that sums up the worth of “The Family Circus” as a whole to our society.

  445. Jack Parsons
    January 14th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    #7: Hogen Mogen: COTW in re Lynn Johnson’s experience of penii.

  446. cqped ogladbjt
    June 25th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    maucgwkhq mozulyd hnazme ghdwb vzdxbnjs istzcyrqe pbyzko

  447. Roger M. Wilcox
    January 23rd, 2014 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    I have to admit, I’ve never tried a Wonder-bread-and-Oreos sandwich …

    … but I HAVE tried a Wonder-bread-and-Hostess-Ho-Hos sandwich.

    It’s an experience well worth avoiding….

Comments are closed for this post.