The Comics Curmudgeon

336 responses to “EXCITING NEW ADVENTURE!!!!”

1. Groddeck
   March 12th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

   I think offering Ziggy that first doughnut that went on Marmaduke’s tail might cure him of his addiction.

2. Rhekarid
   March 12th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

   There’s even more hope for the next Mary Worth storyline than you think! I’m pretty sure that woman in the purple coat getting grabbed is Tommy.

   And what’s this?! Somebody selling deceptive crap on the home shopping network? CALL THE POLICE!

3. Chris
   March 12th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

   Eric is gay.

   The gayest gay whoever came to Gaytown.

   Margon hasn’t figured that out yet?

4. Lenore
   March 12th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

   I’m kind of disturbed that Margo is holding her left breast while saying she feels like a woman. The fact that Tommie seems to be cranning to look on just makes it worse.

5. Uncle Lumpy
   March 12th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

   #3 Chris -

   Her hair’s back up. Won’t be long now.

6. Mushuweasel
   March 12th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

   Just out of curiousity, does that Courvoisier anecdote explain, once and for all, the existence of Cokie Roberts?

7. Some dude
   March 12th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

   It’s a great day to live around DC today, as today The Washington Post announced that, as of next week, they will no longer have Cathy nor Mary Worth in their paper! :D

8. Berger
   March 12th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

   Oh god, I just had a fleeting vision of how Eric made Margo “feel like a woman” and a part of me died a little.

   And when you consider how close to food Marmaduke’s ass had to be to get all those donuts on his tail, it’s a wonder Frumpy McDonutsaleswoman hasn’t been shut down yet.

9. Gabe
   March 12th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

   As always, Margo makes everything better!

10. Ham Gravy
    March 12th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    What’s that on the seat between Myrna and Ella as they drive away from Charterstone (Myrna gripping the wheel with grim determination as Ella gives Mary Worth the finger)? Could it be a bottle of Johnny Walker from Wines Liquors? Oh, no!

11. under_score
    March 12th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: The unseen third panel features the still enraged Dancin’ Dent tailing Ella’s car. The unseen fourth panel takes place at Aldo Curve, where he catches up and runs her off the road and into the ravine. And in 6 months, Ben follows. It’s where all Mary Worth storylines end from now on.

    A3G: Mysterious business trips==Eric is up to no good. Not cheating, but doing something that will send him to jail. Margo happy–it just isn’t natural.

12. zqfmgb
    March 12th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    I find it unsettling that the Donut Hole sells trays and trays of identical plain donuts. Apparently, Marmaduke’s wacky antics take place in a soviet republic where freedom of choice is not recognized. no wonder the girl (?) behind the counter looks like shes ready to slide free of the mortal coil.

13. Team MP
    March 12th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Stupid changing posts, let’s try this again. ….

    MW: My girl in panel two just stepped in between what was likely to be a royal rumble between Sonny from Miami Vice and Sky Masterson from Guys and Dolls.

14. stinky pete
    March 12th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    The Josh Reads Millenary Moment

    Josh Reads post #541 simultaneously introduced Curmudgeon Nation to TDIET and Pluggers. Josh’s trenchant ruminations on the morphology of Brookins and Scaduto are now required reading in NYU’s freshman comparative lit course. Oh, ye-a-h-h-h-h.

    This has been the “Josh Reads Millenary Moment.” 13 more posts till the millennipost!

15. Heckler123
    March 12th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’m reposting this. I posted it on Josh’s last entry, but it fits better here.

    If I wrote Mary Worth: “Meanwhile, at Affect Advertising Agency”…

    (Bland blond man in tacky suit and tie turns to blander blonde woman with limp pony tail)

    He: Hi, I’m Ben! You’re the new person here, right?

    She: New person? I’ve worked in the cubicle next to you for three years. At last year’s Christmas party, I slept with you! You told me you loved me, and then you never called! You gave me chlamydia, you bastard!

    (She runs from the room, crying.)

16. Harold
    March 12th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s Apartment 3-G will open with “And speaking of women – where the hell’s LuAnn?” Somebody open a window for that poor halfwit girl!

    I totally want to order those moon rocks. They glow in the dark? Cool!

17. Harry Paratestes
    March 12th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Hi, I’m Ben. You’re flatter than Richard Nixon’s EKG, but your ass cheeks feel like iron, so I guess we’ll keep you on as a serving wench”.

18. bibliotechgirl
    March 12th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Um, Josh, what are you saying? That we should name our child “Semen”?

19. BoShek
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    This last Mary Worth story was not very thrilling. It did not live up to its billing. This new one had better have explosions or constant Aldo references or the horrible revenge of Gary Dent. By the way, have we ever seen this Ad Agency before or is it an ENMWL, an Entirely New Mary Worth Locale. If so, this might be a day for celebration after all, as a series with slow, creaking plot-gears like Mary Worth does not add things to its canon very often.

20. Tracer Bullet
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure Tommie is confused because I’m sure Tommie has no idea what it means to feel like a woman. Asexual spinster with a hideous wardrobe who’ll likely die alone and unloved? That’ a feeling she recognizes.

21. slushman
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    HAHAHahahahahaha #18, that’s like, exactly what I was thinking, except, because I’m a little spedish, i was thinking “does that mean I should call my first-born “Spermie”???

    good times.

22. jvwalt
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who is deeply disturbed by the lettering in “Ziggy”? It betrays a combination of utter incompetence and barely-controlled rage — perhaps the work of a right-handed criminal psychopath deliberately using his left hand. Has Tom Wilson finally snapped after all these years of writing horribly unfunny jokes and drawing the same shapeless blob of a protagonist?

23. Steve S
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Looking at their eyes, I’ve figured out the secret of the Slylock Fox characters: they’re all tweakers on day 2 of a huge meth binge. The artist, though, is clearly more of a hallucinogen man.

24. The Bitter Wolf
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Slylock – Actually, wouldn’t most home shopping channels just keep selling the rocks? They would just add a certificate of authenticity.

25. Dean Booth
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    #57 (last thread) Calico. Thanks for the encouragement. On short notice, I had to go with my (juvenile) gut instinct, here (NSFW).

26. Sheilagh
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Penultimate…

27. Sheilagh
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    So am I the millenary post?

28. Coffeeclash
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    Actually it isn’t all that clear which person Ben is addressing, Ms. Ironing Board (whose left arm he ripped off while grabbing for her butt) or the guy who is crushing her right side into paralysis. Remove the color and this panel could fit right in at The Bucket.

29. Lammergeier13
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    Non Sequitur: Whoa, now hold on just a damn minute. Since when are comic strips and those that produce them eligible for the term ‘purest of the pure’?!

    FOOB: Just another on a long list of reasons why April is going to go bat-shit insane and kill everyone in the house.

30. Rusty
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: The ad agency is the secret workplace of Ted Forth, never before revealed. Check out Ben’s feminine hand! He and Ted have interchangeable tiny wrists and lithe, thin fingers.

31. Tomcat
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    lol seen Luann today? Brad’s back to square one… how many times? The third time? Fourth?

    If he had pushed TJ’s advise aside, he’d be living in the old Horner House (and of all names, why the hell such a name that sounds so dirty?) by now.

32. Blade Runner
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Lets all join in for a resounding chorus of “He makes me feel like a NATURAL WOMAN”

    Tommie, go get the Karaoke set.

    LuAnn can sing “Spirits in the Night”

33. macb
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    I agree about Marmaduke: good thing I hadn’t had breakfast when I first read it, or the image of doughnuts stacked next to the furry anus of a dog not known for his fastidious personal hygiene would have made me smile the technicolor smile, if you know what I mean. After the initial nausea was the next thought: Josh can’t let this pass (so to speak) without commenting on it.

    As for Ziggy, it was so lame the Chicago Sun-Times didn’t even run it (as I’ve noted before, it’s been relegated to the classifieds). Somebody should tell Ziggy’s cartoonist that there is an animated sitcom that runs on Fox TV called “The Simpsons,” about a family of lovable/nutty clods whose pbese husband/father is a doughnut addict, among other things. The show began as an animated short in 1987 on Tracy Ullman’s old show and then became a free-standing show two years later. The show has explored just about every humorous angle assocated with doughnut overindulgence; even a Halloween special a decade or so ago in which Homer sells his soul to Satan for a sinker. Of course, to someone for whom the S & L scandal is breaking news, “Fox TV,” “Tracy Ullman,” and “The Simpsons” are unfamiliar and novel concepts.

34. Frinkenstein
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    Boshek, #19 — I thought you were going into a nice MW limerick there for a moment. Which got me thinking, so I’ll inflict this on the group and welcome folks to improve on it, which shouldn’t be difficult.

    Mary Worth lately’s not very thrilling
    It has not lived up to its billing
    It needs another ex-con
    end up toast, so anon
    Comes a letter from, uh, Jeffrey Skilling?

35. Mazement
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure, but I think we saw the Affect Ad Agency in the “Wilbur Gets Sued for Giving Bad Advice” storyline from a few years ago. Wasn’t that where “Workaholic’s Wife”-’s workaholic husband worked?

36. Trilobite
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    Margo needs to break up with Eric.

    No, not because he prefers the company of other guys. Not because poor confused Tommie is torn between her lust for sleazy jerk directors with moustaches and her deep, unspoken longing for Margo.

    No, Margo needs to break up with him because before Eric, we just had angry caustic bitch Margo hanging around the apartment giving the other airheads what-for. It was awesome, or at least as awesome as a boring comic like A3G can aspire to. Now that she’s boinking Eric, we have to watch her constantly shifting between three possible emotional states (jealous rage, angsty insecurity, or goofy joy), and that’s lame.

    Put plainly, Margo and insecurity just don’t go together, and I don’t think anyone can make a convincing argument for why Margo should ever be happy. Kick Eric to the curb and bring back crazy-ass mean ol’ Margo, already!

37. commodorejohn
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Very nice, Wiley, very cutting edge. Nobody’s ever done this before, have they? Yep, it’s all you, boy. After all it’s not like Berkely Breathed did the SAME THING oh…TWENTY YEARS AGO.

38. ChefMike
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    it’s a Monday full of anger and tragedy, as April looks ready to explode all up in sister Liz’s face, Comic book guy John might be losing inventory to a flood, and Curtis’ earlier antics against his arch- nemeses Derrick and “Onion” have just gotten him expelled. ‘Tis a sad day indeed in comic history, and not just because of the death of Captain America

39. Necktie Weasel
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been lurking here for awhile, greatly amused. And the fact that you’re also from Charm City, hon, makes you a god in my eyes.

40. Fred P.
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    “Exciting New Adventure”? Ah, we can but wish! Alas, should the record of Worthian inanity (hithertofore unbroken for, like, years and years and years) continue apace, the upcoming Mary Worth storyline promises to be neither A. “Exciting”; B. “New”; or C. “Adventurous”.

    Oh, wait, your title was maybe referring to the Marmaduke comic instead? Sorry, my bad. Marmaduke is ALWAYS new, fun and adventurous. That’s why everybody loves him.

41. drewbobw
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Apparently MW is too conservative for the Wash. Post. Who knew that stereotyping different cultures was so taboo?

42. Proteus
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Is Margo grinding herself against Tommie to suggest what a Woman feels like? Does she ever stop to hear how stupid she sounds? Are the oranges in the bowl supposed to represent Tommie’s smaller breasts? Can you make Margo’s hand gestures without your hands cramping? For god’s sake, why doesn’t Tommie say anything!?

    (Looks at camera) Why am I asking you?

43. Buck Ripsnort
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    A3G–If Tommie were any kind of human being, her expression on being confronted w/ Happy Margo would be “Projectile Vomiting”. I know mine was.

44. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    #33 macb — I realize it was most likely a typo, but I really like “pbese” — it is to “obese” what “pwn” is to “own”.

45. Hambone
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Word of advice to the Home Shopping Networks booking agent:

    Name “Shady” + Tattered Clothing + Single Tooth = Crack Dealer

46. drewbobw
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    For those who live in the DC/MD/Raleigh areas, why does donut shop in Marmaduke remind me of the Fractured Prune?

47. macb
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    44- Skullturf: thanks; it’s what I get for writing and talking to my sister long distance at the same time. Obese is correct.

48. Scott Haley
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Just when Ziggy did a joke about donut addiction, this story hit the news:

    Scientist Develops Caffeinated Doughnuts

    Jan 26, 7:40 AM (ET)

    DURHAM. N.C. (AP) – That cup of coffee just not getting it done anymore? How about a Buzz Donut or a Buzzed Bagel? That’s what Doctor Robert Bohannon, a Durham, North Carolina, molecular scientist, has come up with. Bohannon says he’s developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods, without the bitter taste of caffeine. Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.

    While the product is not on the market yet, Bohannon has approached some heavyweight companies, including Krispy Kreme, Dunkin’ Donuts and Starbucks about carrying it.

    Do NOT feed them to Marmaduke.

49. Old Fogeyette
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is pissing me off. How can they just start that stupid story about the guy with the pencil mustache whose wife is or isn’t cheating on him (Dent?) and then drop it with no resolution? What was the Ella thing all about? If this isn’t all tied up in the next few weeks, I for one am going to get a Karen Moy voodoo doll and stick needles in its tuna casserole.

    Also, I just really wanted to post. This is the latest I’ve been online in months.

50. RelMark
    March 12th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy – Sure, the doctor *says* there’s no such thing as doughnut withdrawl,
    but notice that he keeps one strapped to his head, Just In Case.

    Also, see today’s F-Minus for an important safety tip.

51. Buck Ripsnort
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who puts those Marmaduke & Ziggy panels together w/ the Wiley “Payola” notion? “Krispy Kreme will HAVE to send me a free batch for this!” thinks scheming cartoonist.

52. Sturdevant
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    A3G- So, the Chinese food before the business trip works!!

    Who knew?

    I guess everyone except me

53. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    Because everyone should be named after whatever substance contributed most directly to their conception.
    That kee-razy bohemian dude in FBOFW is named “Weed.” Makes you think,

54. ianscot
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Two thirteen-year-olds and I spent a while this morning trying to work out a coherent explanation for Ben’s question in Mary Worth. The gist of our problem was: If Ben himself is not “the new person here,” then how is it possible for him not to recognize the aforementioned new person?

    We have yet to arrive at a satisfactory answer to this conundrum.

55. Suburban Legend
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    I think it needs to be pointed out that today’s Hi and Lois further reveals how much of a loveless sham the title marriage really is. Hi obviously had a one-night stand with “Nancy Fleming” as part of an only hazily recollected weekend bender.

56. aldos
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    It’s really too bad Washingtonians won’t get to find out what happens in this new MW storyline. Maybe we should write some angry letters. About Mary Worth. Not about Broom Hilda or Cathy. Dear God not about Broom Hilda or Cathy. Oh who am I kidding not about Mary Worth either. Although I do enjoy it. Well, whatever, the point is, I swear I’ve seen this exact Marmaduke before.

57. Voted off the Island
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    I like how Ella is seen trying to point her arthritic finger one last time as she bids Mary farewell.

58. tekende
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of sexual (self, in this case) harassment, check out where striped-shirt-guy’s left hand is.

    Oh, yeah!

59. Don
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    I think that Marmaduke would be funnier if there were only five donuts on his tail. I mean just look at that look of uncertainty on Marm’s face. Clearly he doesn’t know how to count, and thus is left at the mercy of the bored looking Donut Hole woman. It seems that in most other facets of Marmaduke’s life, he uses his status as a very large dog to get the upper hand on people, but now the tables have been turned. You can see a hint of panic in his eyes and he tries to figure if he’s been ripped off. Assuming that is, that he actually paid for these donuts, instead of just extorting them out of the shopkeeper, like he does with other foodstuffs.

60. The Porridge Bird
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Margo found the perfect guy “in Eric Mills”. She would have lost all her Margo-cred if she wasn’t dating a cannibal.

61. P-Supe
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me or does the mouse in Slylock Fox seem to be holding onto that camera as if he’s a character in an MC Escher picture where the rules of perspective don’t apply? Also, it’s good to see Kevin Nealon getting work in the Mary Worth comic. Also, it’s good to see Walter Matthau back from the dead and getting work in the Ziggy comic.

62. Doug Puthoff
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    Is it me, or does the guy in the brown jacket in Today’s MW look like Jimmy Buffett? He dresses like him.

63. Aaron
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    I always wondered how my friend “broken condom” got his name.

    On a serious note, can anyone explain today’s Blondie to me?

64. andreavis
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: So it’s an ad agency employing Dick Gautier, Anne Lockhart, and…. a blond Norm MacDonald? Nope, I sure don’t get what’s going on.

65. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    #48, that’s the most dubious scientific advances I’ve heard of in some time. Yes! Now you can have decaf with your donut, and still get wired!!! Does it get any better?

66. Fred P.
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    -48 O F’yette:

    Bucky Dent, as I recall, went to Ella for advice (instead of going to Mary) and thus forfeited any claim he might once have had on he and his tawdry tale returning to grace the strip. Note that it is the lack of deference to Mary that alone is fatal to any peripheral character: not the mere fact of being an insufferable ass (see: “Wilbur Weston”)

    Still, we can look forward to the further adventures of Captain McCop-a-feel, whom I feel is destined to be the most lovable unwanted suitor since … oh … what the crap was his name? the dude who looked like that children’s TV host? Chuckles the Clown?

67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    #63, Blondie wants to wake Dagwood up, and she’s tired of having to play with his dick to do it. So she tells him his toothbrush is on fire to… No, I’m sorry. I can’t make sense of it either. But Dagwood has donuts on his PJ’s, which is consistent with both his character and the Zippy/Marmaduke themes.

68. AhClem
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    #25 Dean Booth -
    I really, really, REALLY didn’t need to see that before going to bed. What horrendous nightmares will plague me tonight? Oh, the humanity!

69. Poteet
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    # 1 — Groddeck, you just cured me of my unwanted craving for an evening snack. Thank you.

    MW — Ben looks like a cross between a televangelist and the guy who sells Ginzu knives at the Iowa State Fair. Good times ahead.

    And if we were named after whatever substance contributed most directly to our conception, my name might be Cleveland Winter Slush. It strongly encourages indoor activities.

70. Louise
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Ella is obviously leaving for B&W Land, with her arm grasping for a last bit of color. Meanwhile, Ben the Groper has apparently dipped his arm in an oil drum.

    The art in MW is sapping my will to live.

71. weiser
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    #34 Frinkinstein, here goes

    I always find Mary Worth thrilling
    She routinely lives up to her billing
    Whether it’s Tommy and Meth
    Or Aldo and Death,
    Her stores are definitely chilling

72. adlithium
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    I just watched the movie Idiocracy last night, where 500 years in the future the entire world is dumbed down and everybody is named after a corporate brand.

    Now I know the inspiration behind it all is Non Sequitur and this blog post.

73. weiser
    March 12th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Oh and Uncle Lumpy,
    thank you for the link. I read them all. but it’s the last time. ever.

74. Ashie
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe I’m going to post this, but Marmaduke looking at the doughnuts on his tail is…funny!

    (but nothing else about that comic is!)

75. Dingo
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    To carry over from the last thread:

    and then one day while I was gone and she was at home all alone…
    the Angels came

    Oscar Wilde wrote that no man, short of a heart of stone, could read of the death of Little Nell without laughing. That line from Bobby Goldsboro’s Honey gets me every time. I imagine Bobby off at the office (sort of like Hi from Hi and Lois over at Foofram Industries) while his wife clings for dear life to the edge of the plaid couch while an entire team of sports figures gangbang her like Julia Child flattening a chicken breast. My mother and my grandmother would talk about that song – they really had shallow lives back then – and well up with tears.

    Does anyone hear remember a country song from the early 70s about a high school football player who always sat on the sidelines and never got into the game until one night when his blind father dies and the kid rushes out onto the field and wins the night for his team and then tells the coach, in the last line of the song, “It’s the first time that my father saw me play”? Gawd, that song was awful!

    Maybe it’s just the meds talking, but I’m betting that at one time or another, Margo has been bofo’d while listening to Bless the Beasts and the Children.

76. Dingo
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    anyone here… anyone HERE… damn, I gave a midterm tonight.

77. queek
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    “Because everyone should be named after whatever substance contributed most directly to their conception.”

    the QG points out that if this were the case, there would be an awful lot of people in the 30-40 year old age bracket named “Draft”.

78. Uncle Lumpy
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    #73 weiser -

    That’s the Secret Magic Joshlink, spirited out of the Comics Cathedral late one February night in a box of Aunt Lumpy’s Nut Logs. At great personal risk, I might add!

    Use it wisely – it renews itself nightly, and so offers an infinite river of comics fair and — mostly — foul. Sunday is its Day of Rest, so use WaPo instead.

79. Randy S
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    MW: Speaking of leaving us hanging…
    I’m still wondering how she knew that someone named “Greta Weber” existed, much less that she would lead her to Jeff.

80. Trotzenbonnie
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    #77 –
    Try 50- 60. My name would be Korean War.

81. Uncle V-E Day Lumpy
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    #80 Tb -

    You tell ‘em. Whippersnappers!

82. Weasel Boy
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    I’m in at the beginning of a new Mary Worth story line! It’s like watching the Beatles on Ed Sullivan – only less entertaining.

83. Dr. Y. Zowl
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    #81 Lumpy: All these years, I thought I was the only one with the given name V-E Day (though that guy in Animal House was close). It’s good to know that one isn’t utterly alone.

84. Shlomo
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Slylock- Josh, I agree with you about the Slylock terrorist rocks. The chemicals must wipe off the mouths of anyone who comes too close. Max Mouse is our first casualty.
    Ziggy- It’s good to see Michael Landon playing the role of Ziggy’s doctor. I thought he died, but apparently not.
    Mary Worth- I don’t know about anyone else, but I am going to miss the banter between Mary and Ella. It was kind of like watching the Golden Girls, without any of the sex talk. I am left wondering if Ella is actually the only human being more unattractive than Bea Arthur.

85. sally
    March 12th, 2007 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    #75 — Dingo, that meaning of “Angels” never occurred to me before — it’s brilliant! I can’t tell you how much I hate hate hate that song, which fortunately I haven’t heard in years, but now the next time I do I will have a coping technique to get me through it. Thanks!

    I don’t know the bench-warmer-with-blind-dad tune but I remember the dead teenager songs from a few years earlier (”I’ve got to get to Heaven so I’ll have to be good/So I can see my baby when I leave this world”) which (a) were mawkish (b) were ludicrous and (c) usually didn’t scan or rhyme.

86. Poteet
    March 12th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    # 85 — Sally, I remember those songs also. Two friends in college did a fabulous rendition of Teen Angel that I still remember. “They say they found…my high school ring…clutched in her fingers tight…” Aww, what an adorable reason to end up splattered all over the tracks.

87. Poteet
    March 12th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Oops, sorry, that was “your fingers.” But of course the best lines were “I’ll never kiss your lips again/They buried you today.” If anyone ever teared up at that song, I don’t want to know.

88. Poteet
    March 12th, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Well, since I’m all alone here, I’ll just mention that the second panel of the 3/13 MW is faaaabulous. And now I’m away to Blanket Bay. G’night.

89. MonkeyHawk
    March 12th, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    Back when I was doing oldies radio, I would dedicated one day (the 3rd of June, another sleepy dusty delta day) to all death songs all the time.

    “Teen Angel”
    “Tell Laura I Love Her”
    “Leader of the Pack”
    “Bang Bang”
    “Patches” (not the Clarence Carter one)
    “Dead Man’s Curve”
    “Tom Dooley”
    “Three Bells”
    “Eleanor Rigby”
    “Big Bad John”
    “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport”
    “Abraham, Martin, and John”
    “D.O.A.”
    “Ringo”

    ….I can’t remember all of ‘em, but it was a fun show to do.

    Winkerbean Funk

90. Amber
    March 12th, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: Ben is clearly a Skywalker. Now, I know it would make more sense to have him be Obi-Wan (”Ben”) Kenobi, but Kenobi had his hands, whereas the Skywalkers were notorious for losing theirs. Look at that dark, robotic appendage reaching for that sweet, sweet tooshie. The Force is strong with this one indeed!

    And how can you doubt Margo? Her bitchiness is still kickin’! Look at how she’s rubbing (literally) lonely Tommie’s lonely face in her newfound happiness with Hat Man. Take that, least-sexed-roommate! I half-expected a fourth panel of A3G where Margo, with her usual aggitated face, declares, “Oh, I’m sorry, Tommie. You obviously don’t know what I’m talking about.”

91. Amber
    March 12th, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    I just read Dennis the Menance. Can anyone explain what exactly is “menacing” about a pajama party? Is it the exclamation point?

92. Moon Mullins
    March 13th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    In Tuesday’s FOOB — just posted — Apwil calls Lizardbreath a LARD BUTT!

    It’s not just the mudges who notice, even her sister in ink called out the sandbag queen!

93. Mr. O’Malley
    March 13th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    90. One of the all-time stupid death songs was “Last Kiss” by J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers, whose main redeeming feature was its use in a great parody, along with “Leader of the Pack”, called “I Want My Baby Back”. Ah, the days when they used to play parodies on the radio…

94. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    March 13th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    #77 queek — that works both if “draft” means “compulsory military service” and if it means “beer on tap”.

    Also #59 Don — “I think that Marmaduke would be funnier if there were only five donuts on his tail.”

    It can be argued that this is true of every Marmaduke strip.

95. Mr. O’Malley
    March 13th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    FOOB: The joke would have been improved if two more heads had come peering around the kitchen door.

    FW: Is this the end for Creekside Comics?

    JP: Are all four residences equipped with octogenarian butlers?

    MW: I wonder if anyone would sublease at that complex…what’s it called?

    Pluggers are determined to avoid all locally owned businesses regardless of price and product quality.

    RMMD: How could May pass a drug test if she’s been in hospital being pumped full of opiate-based painkillers? Is Rex going to sell her a bottle of urine from one of his other patients?

    SlyFo: This illustrates the basic problem with strips based on anthropomorphic animals.

96. zqfmgb
    March 13th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    I’ll be counted with those who thought “moon rocks” was slang from some sort of ultra-crack.

    I also think it’s odd that shady shrew is hosting his little infomercial in the dirtiest pair of pyjamas ever. You’d think they’d at least put him in the shower before they put him on TV.

97. BoShek
    March 13th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    #34, Frinkenstein-

    My anger towards Mary inspired your lovely little limerick? I’m honored!

    And, in other news, Funky Winkerbean is depressing today (Tuesday). When Charlie Brown says in his Tuesday strip that he’s dreading the next few days, I think Funky is what he’s referring to.

98. The Porridge Bird
    March 13th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    Death songs: Comedy song enthusiast I am, I’ve always enjoyed Tom Lehrer’s “I Hold Your Hand in Mine.”

    I hold your hand in mine, dear
    I press it to my lips
    I take a healthy bite
    From your dainty fingertips
    My joy would be complete dear
    If only you were here
    But still I keep your hand
    As a precious souvenir

    The night you died I cut it off
    I really don’t know why
    For now each time I kiss it
    I get blood stains on my tie

    I’m sorry now I killed you
    For our love was something fine
    Until they come to get me
    I shall hold your hand in mine

    Honourable Mention: “Here in Heaven” by Sparks

99. The Scientist
    March 13th, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    GF’s on fire with the supporting characters… Which reminds me, MW would probably be better if the supporting characters were on fire. Her smug expressions would gleam so brightly in the flickering light.

100. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

     Josh: Because everyone should be named after whatever substance contributed most directly to their conception.

     So a lot of folks are going to be named “Desperation” then?

101. Jeanne
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

     I just want to be the first to say that April is a stone brat, and Liz should sit on her and crush her

102. Tats
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

     3-G: I’m sorry, but I have trouble believing such vivid daydreams are emanating from someone as clearly sedated as Tommie is.

     Also, wow. 3-G is pretty risque lately.

103. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

     Bravo for PBS! Yesterday’s strip was goofy enough on its own…but it turns out to be a mere setup for today’s. With luck, no one will ever use or hear that inane phrase without thinking of this strip…

104. Mr. O’Malley
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

     The Sunday crossword I just finished had the clue “Moon rock rock”. The answer—”basalt”.

     I kept thinking it had something to do with The Who, but that was a mistaken assumption.

105. Mibbitmaker
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:06 am [Reply]

     3/13:

     MW: Omigod, he’s going to recommend Charterstone, isn’t he?! Don’t do it, Vera! It’s a den of evil, trust me!!

     Curtis: Jackass? Donkey? Mule?? Well, no wonder they expelled Curtis; if there’s one thing that school doesn’t need is more zippers!

     FOOB: “LARD BUTT!” More proof April is one of us. Good, I was getting worried a couple times lately.

     FW: This strip is so depressing, it’s like a 1929 stock market! Comic books, the Rodney Dangerfield of reading mediums. Granted, John’s nerd-bait version kinda deserves it, but still…!

     A3G: “…Oh, and Tommie? He can’t be a mean SOB with a villiany moustache, either. Only a big-time loser would stoop to that.”

     MT: Folks, meet big-time loser (in blonde). By the way, lady, a crocodile called, he wants his tears back.

     SForth: Let’s see… first panel…. That’s — YYYYYYYYIKES!!!!!!! (puff! puff!) Sally, don’t DOOOOO thaaat! She don’t look natural close up like that. And you think Ted’s hands are too small for his body!

     PC: Very true, little girl squiggle. But you conservatives perfected that kind of thing generations ago.

     RMMD: Judging from the last panel, I’d say it’s not meth so much as it is cocaine. Seriously, there needs to be a protest movement against nostril shots in RMMD. Stat!

106. Tattis
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:33 am [Reply]

     MW: Why has Sam Beckett leaped into that potential resident of Charterstone? Will Mary Worth dispense some piece of advice that will either lead to someone’s death or a drinking problem (or both)… again? My question, then is can Sam really correct the mistake he’s been brought back to fix? Can he kill Mary Worth?

     This storyline has me more excited than the Funky Winkerbean / ER crossover a few years ago when Westview had an outbreak of the Bubonic Plague.

107. Harry Merkin
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:52 am [Reply]

     I’m in Iraq but if you look today Grabby McGrabass is going for her boobie!

108. Trilobite
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

     #95 – Mr O’Malley poses the question: “JP: Are all four residences equipped with octogenarian butlers?”

     Probably. I think Neddy should look into taking some yoga classes, or at least doing a little bit of limbering up once Rachel dies, because all those butlers are totally going to want the Bentley. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

     More information on the Bentley can be found on the internet. Viewers must be 18 years or older. All major credit cards accepted.

109. Jack Parsons
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:29 am [Reply]

     They would never tell me why they named me Banana Peel.

110. Jack Parsons
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:36 am [Reply]

     Marmaduke needs some chocolate donuts. Chocolate makes all doggies happy.

111. Edward
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:44 am [Reply]

     I disagree. I think Tommie’s facial expression says ‘Oooh, she’s getting oral sex. I want oral sex.’

112. dreadedcandiru2
     March 13th, 2007 at 4:49 am [Reply]

     For Worse or For Worse: I have never HATED Elizabeth Patterson more than I have now. The only satisfying resolution to this abomination is that after the decent people of the world finally rise up and kill Mary Worthless, they come up north fromCharterstone and butcher the Grieving Widow!
     (after, of course, Saint Narcissus gets it.)

113. willethompson
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:28 am [Reply]

     Bad Conception-Related Names:

     Furlough
     Labatts
     Closingtime
     Whatzizhname
     Conjugalrelationstrailer (alt: FolsomJismBlues)
     Pityfuck

114. Chubby Huggs
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:41 am [Reply]

     Ha! That comic store in FW is ruined – hilarious.

115. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:58 am [Reply]

     Apt. 3G: Wow. WOW. Tommie Thompson takes the sexual fantasy prize. How many others would dream about being kissed by the only man whoever snogged them and was, in said fantasy, completely dressed with your blouse buttoned to the collar?

     Rex Morgan: Um… since when is Rex played by Ken Jenkins?

116. willethompson
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:05 am [Reply]

     A few more Bad Conception-Related Names:

     Halftime
     Stall
     Raindelay
     Redeye14F (aka EmergencyExitRow)
     Breakroom
     Macarthurpark

117. smacky
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:07 am [Reply]

     #115: Dingo, the saddest thing is that Tommie’s concept of love is getting assaulted by a stranger in a bar. That’s what happens when you think the movie “The Accused” is a romantic comedy.

118. smacky
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

     FW: We were so, so wrong about Wally. Expecting him to die? Hell no! He knows what’s going on. He actually hired someone to follow his wife around. Comic Book Guy must have taken his wife to the movies once too often. Wally will send him an email from overseas: “Shame what a busted pipe can do, huh?” and the time code on the email will be an hour before the store flooded. Since Comic Book Guy can’t prove Wally was involved (He’s in Iraq, serving our country, American hero), he’ll just have to take it as what it is: a not too subtle warning to mind his own damn business and stay away from his wife, damn it! It’s like that episode of the Sopranos where the guy couldn’t pay his gambling debts so Tony took over his sporting goods store and drove his credit rating straight into the crapper. Sometimes a shot to the wallet is more convincing than a pipe to the kneecap!

119. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:22 am [Reply]

     #117 smacky: it isn’t? I rented it from Netflix and…

     A few years ago, my students and I were talking about movies and one of the women told us about her relationship to The Sound of Music. Back when home entertainment meant VHS copies instead of DVDs, TSoM came as a two tape extravaganza. When my student and her mother would watch the movie, her mother would only show the first of the two tapes. My student thought that The Sound of Music ended with Maria marrying the Captain! One day, she noticed that there was another tape in the box and played it. And sobbed. BIG Cherry and Sally tears. She had no idea that the family had to escape in the night.

     For years, I’ve wanted to create a gay version of The Sound of Music called Baroness!. It’s the story of a sophisticated woman with great tastes in clothes, food, and men who falls in love with an adorable captain in Austria. The only thing standing in her way to true happiness is this damned student nun and seven incorrigible children.

120. Pozzo
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:35 am [Reply]

     Tommie: “Oh, Margo, can’t *I* make you feel like a woman?”

     or:

     “You know, I feel like a woman myself — know where I can find one?”

     Meanwhile, Gerard Depardieu makes a surprise (if silent) guest appearance in Mary Worth.

121. Sheilagh
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:37 am [Reply]

     I dunno why I keep on expecting verisimilitude in the comics, but I do. And I’m disappointed yet again.

     Curtis, now. Since when do schools expel a student by telling the student “you’re expelled” and sending him home? They don’t call his parents in for a meeting? They don’t even call his parents to inform them? They don’t even send a NOTE home, for chrissake? What the hell kind of school IS this?

     The whole thing is right up there with man-eating Brittany spaniels, if you ask me.

122. Len
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

     #69 (Poteet) — So, you were born nine months after the Winter Slush? Like, around September/October?

     Probably a Libra.

123. Meander
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:00 am [Reply]

     FW: Nobody catches a break in this strip, do they?

124. Christy
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:10 am [Reply]

     When I used to tutor, there was a girl in one of my classes called Champagne. Seemed a little odd to me, but whatever, young parents name their kids funny things, and it is a real name, so whatever.

     Then the teacher I was working with told me. She had a younger brother, named…you guessed it. Courvoisier.

     Funny.

125. Tukla in Iowa
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

     MW: Whoa, Karen Moy just bashed in my skull with the foreshadowing club.

126. willethompson
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

     First, I want to apologise for the unwanted side effects of posting a MacArthur Park parody yesterday. I didn’t realize that it would release such a pool-pah of bad song memories. If even one of you is humming ‘Sugar, Sugar’ this morning, my profound regrets and my prayerful hope that therapy and the accompanying drugs are covered in your medical plan.

     Back on topic: a grave injustice has been done. A woman who has given us much to contemplate over the past few months has departed without proper fanfare – Ella Byrd. She needs a proper send-off. White shirts and black ties everyone, as this is to the tune of the Knack’s My Sharona:

     Ooh my little Mary Worth, Mary Worth
     Drinking tea and spouting crap with little Ella!
     Of meddle there is not a dearth, not a dearth
     With Gary Dent you’ll cause a flap, little Ella!
     He’ll get really pissed, very mad, throwing money down,
     Call the condo board, very hot, run you out of town!
     Go, oh, oh, go, Ella YOU! Lit, lit, lit, little Ella!

     Drove his car right off a cliff, off a cliff
     Mary thinks she may have killed that Aldo fella!
     So you had a minor tiff, minor tiff
     Not your fault he was a jerk says little Ella!
     You are better off, now he’s dead, nothing you could do
     And to top it off, looked just like, Captain Kangaroo,
     Roo, oo, oo, roo, Ella YOU! Lit, lit, lit, little Ella!

     Ooh hurt me like a broken tooth, broken tooth
     The words you gonna have to say, little Ella!
     Shouting out the higher truth, higher truth
     When you gonna move away, little Ella?
     Please shut up, that’s enough, such a bag of gas!
     You can bite my crank, suck my dick, you can kiss my ass!
     Hell, ell, ell, hell, Ella YOU! Lit, lit, lit, little Ella!

     My work here is done.

127. Tyler
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

     It appears to me that Slylock and the lady animal are passing a flask back and forth.

128. Justafoob
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:37 am [Reply]

     I think that the Saint Pattersons got screwed by their “good friend” car dealer Gordon.

     Didn’t Saint Liz buy a car from him after she came back from Mitzigainermwahaahaa? Now she is taking the bus?

     I think that Gordon figured out that the Pattersons may be Saints, but you can screw them easily if you give them a smile and a pat on the tush (but that only works with John)

129. insolenttomato
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:37 am [Reply]

     119 Dingo: My grandmother LOVED TSoM more than any human being should (think Victoria and Albert, Tristan and Iseult, Patty and Marcie), to the point that whenever she would babysit me she would make me watch it with her every. Single. Time. To this day I break out in the DTs whenever I see it. Usually I couch my revulsion for TSoM in analyses of how anti-feminist it is (the captain dumping the liberated woman for the virgin with a pageboy hairdo) and how, according to the musical, all the Nazis did was hang swastika flags over doorways but it all comes back to grandma and her unnatural love for the song Climb Ev’ry Mountain.

     Also, on a side note, in real life the Von Trapps took a train to Switzerland; they didn’t hike over the Alps. That leads you into Germany. In fact, the beautiful vista you see at the end of the movie is Munich. Yeah — when you’re fleeing Nazi-occupied Austria the place you wanna go is Bavaria.

     To recap; I really really HATE that movie with the fury of a thousand suns setting a thousand birds on fire.

130. insolenttomato
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

     Also, I couldn’t resist; more bad conception-related names:

     Camarobackseat (aka Chainborderedlicenseplate)
     Stalledelevator
     Champale
     Bastardsaidhedpullout
     Woodstock94
     2003NortheastBlackout

131. TurtleBoy
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

     Funky Winkerbean is like the illustrated version of a German nihilist manifesto, only without all of the hilarity.

132. True Fable
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

     So my name ought to be Make Up Sex. Or rather, Don’t Divorce Me. Or, You’re Right, I’m Gonna Miss This.

     So they named me True Fable, because a bad idea is still a bad idea no matter how much you try to gloss it up.

     *************
     9CL W00t! Check it out, big unexpected plot twist, for real! Just when I was afraid they were going to focus on (zzzzt!) Thorax again, they toss in Edda, Seth and SURPRISE! good times.
     FC What, Bil can’t put down the paper and help Thel dress the kids faster? Is his only contribution to this family, providing the seed for his spawn? Asshat.
     C(MD) Yes, Cathy Must Die, Cathy’s Mother Must Also Die. Please, Lord, do NOT allow Cathy to get pregnant. But then she’d be so wrapped up in herself the baby would die of neglect anyway.
     DtM Yesterday Dennis was pimping himself out to Mr. Wilson in a blatant display of pimpitude. Today he is trying his hand at making obscene phone calls. Weak menacing, but MenaceWatch 2007 is holding out hope for some vicious action tomorrow.
     FBoFW Oh boy, there’s going to be a bitchslap! I’ll bring the popcorn, you grab the sodas and we’ll all enjoy this together.
     FW Comic Book Guy has a name? John! Well, John, you have two choices. One, you can cry on One-Arm’s shoulder and win sympathy points, which is how success is measured in Winkerbeanland, or you can buy a suitable blade and commit hari-kiri like an honorable man/boy/ whatever.
     A3G Panel 5: When he assaults you… Panel 6: When he asks you not to press charges… Panel 7: When you become a total fleecehead because he lifted your credit cards… Yep, you sure can pick ‘em, Margo. AND Tommie.

133. Hogen Mogen
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

     http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/buildcp.mpl?v=3.0&page=1&quality=high&cpp=8&c=112&c=71&c=20&c=116&c=118&c=144&c=123&c=130&c=140

     This is my Chron page. I would like to draw your attention to the accidental Phantom over Spidey strips at the bottom that coincidentally, in two wholly seperate plots have overviews of cars driving around on otherwise abandoned streets. In Phantom the excuse is that it is late at night. In Spidey, there are no cars in downtown LA in the middle of the day because the sheer stupidity of the strip has shocked all residents of LA into a catatonic state of vegitation. The driver of the car that Spidey is trying to save fell into such a state with his foot on the accelerator. There.

     TDIET: Actually, politicians not keeping their word is something they’ll do every time. Is it remarkable? Not really. What I’d like to see is:
     Didja ever notice?! Clean Carla always makes sure she’s freshly bathed, her clothes are ironed and not a speck of unwanted facial hair. “Augh! A speck of dust on my otherwise pristine jacket!”
     But, put her alone driving on the highway… Oh yeaaahhh!
     “Mommy, why is that lady picking her nose in that car?”

134. Saxman
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

     I’ve waited years for the kind of photorealistic “comic heroine sits in her bra and slip at a make-up table” art to come back in style.

     I have to admit that I was hoping it would come back to A3G, not to Piranha Club

     http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070313&name=Piranha

135. Hogen Mogen
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:07 am [Reply]

     “You’re not running from something, are you?” Even intended as a joke (?), it would never be asked by any living human being on planet Earth, since people often move when they get a new job in order to cut the commute from say, Houston to Santa-Royale-Pain-In-The-Ass. Then, it dawned on me. The only people who would instantly think that someone was running from something merely because she wants a shorter commute would be someone on planet Mary Worth, where no one is safe (even Mary) from tragedy, sadness, self-loathing and wallowing in their own pity parties. Born of that dreary world, Ben instantly zeroes in on the correct conclusion like a misery seeking missile. But he’s too stupid to realize it.

136. Calico
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

     #25 – Oh, Jesus.
     Um, thanks!
     Between that little nightmare and the sheet-shaving elephants, I think I’m good for a day or two!
     (Reaches for bottle of Johnny under computer desk)

137. Hogen Mogen
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

     FW: The meeting of Doofus Anonymous will now begin:
     “Hi, my name is John. I run a business in a basement and I didn’t buy flood insurance…. ”

     Has New Orleans taught you nothing??

138. Old Fogeyette
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

     66 Fred P: Thanks for the explanation! I still want that story line wrapped up, however, even if it involves Mr. Dent’s gory and painful dismemberment. Especially if it involves his gory and painful dismemberment.

     And as for being named after whatever caused our parents to get it on… I fear my name should be Pearl Harbor. Not that I’m THAT old, but that’s what caused my dad to enlist, and enlistment was what caused him to get shipped overseas. Or maybe I should be named Shipped to the South Pacific. It does have a ring to it….

     #89 Monkeyhawk: Hahaha! Great set! I would have loved to hear it.

     And williethompson: nice sendoff for Ella.

     Now… off for some coffee and comics and hopefully snark.

139. Calico
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

     MW – Vera’s thinking “Will you please shut up so I can go to the bathroom and take a piss already?”

     DtM – Dennis must be extra-stressed by his baby-sitter – he tore out each of his fingernails except one.

     RM – “No, Dr. Morgan, I couldn’t pass a drug test – you see, I’ve been in the hospital for a few days due to an explosion, and they did have to operate and pump massive amounts of drugs and anesthesia into my system (remember that from med school?), followed up by multiple painkillers? I could try, though.”

     FOOB – Apwil is almost there – almost. Guitar smashing and breakdown are imminent.

140. gh
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

     #75 Dingo

     Thank you. I’ll never cringe at that song again. Oh, and some car company is using “Downtown” for it’s commercials so I got to belt out “Margo!” [under my breath as there were other people in the room].

     #126 willethompson

     At 7:26 AM? Do you just roll out of bed and say “How can I be brilliant before the Today Show comes on?”

141. Dennis Jimenez
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

     Ya want light-hearted deconstruction?

     FBOFW – Can anybody tell me WTF today’s is all about? Tears of joy, allergic reaction to cat, roid rage, Prozac? I really have no clue.

     MW – Gee Ben, with witty reparte’ like that, it’s just amazing you’re still single.

     MT – Yeah Cheri, like Sally’s insurer or the insurance fraud unit.

     RMMD – Here’s the keys to the Oxy Contin cabinet, May.

     SF – Hence forth, avoid close-ups – too scary.

     A Plugger knows a corporate shill, can always be used as a substitute for an idea in a pinch.

     TDIET – Ergo Dubbya is a crappy husband and father, too. Damn you spreading the seed of your liberal politics, Scadudo.

     JP – What are you going to do with four homes in Europe, Neddie? Why not use them as a platform to bitch about how the excessive lifestyles of average Americans are destroying the planet through global warming!

     FC – Yes, I get it Keane – global warming – you liberal libertine.

142. Lyman Returns
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

     #132-True Fable-Of course the dad in FC is a worthless tool. ALL comic strip dads (except the ones in Jump Start and PreTeena) are worthless tools. It’s like a horde of two-dimensional ‘The World According to Jim’ reruns.

     BB-Okay, the ‘Sarge’ in Beetle Bailey is a Sergeant First Class, if his rank patches are accurate (and this being Beetle Bailey, who knows). At the most, a SFC leads a platoon of men. So why is Sarge leading a column of 1000 soldiers longer than the Great Wall of China? Is every other officer and NCO in the army dead? Is this group the last survivors of an alien invasion of the USA, heading for the hills to begin a guerillia war against their foemen? No, wait that would be exciting…this is Beetle Bailey! Silly me!

     FBOFW-In my eyes, ‘Lard Butt’ is more insulting than ‘Picky Face’. So why is Liz just shrugging off the insult hurled her way while April sobs alone in the kitchen? Perhaps being attacked by Howard Erk and having her heart broken by Paul Wright has turned Liz’s heart into stone. Insult her all you want, April…she’s BULLET PROOF, girlfriend! And what kind of insult is ‘Picky Face’? Is it a Canadian thing? It sounds like an insult grade schoolers would use, not a grown woman like Liz. Oh, wait, it’s Liz we’re talking about…never mind!

     FW-Doesn’t Comic Book John have insurance? This being FW, probably not. This character has been far, far too unscathed by the wretchedness and misery that is life. He thought he could escape, but he was wrong. See how, in the third panel, the darkness engulfs him. Welcome to the land of despair, Comic Book John. Your super heroes cannot save you now, fool!

     Crankshaft-Um, call me progressive, but couldn’t they have drawn at least ONE “car dad” in that group?

     OBG-WTF is that boy doing in the first panel? Is there some kind of Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde thing going on here? At the drop of a hat, he turns into a befanged, hunchbacked creature? And its so commonplace his sister doesn’t notice or care? By the way, check out the Pluggers in the last panel!

     Pluggers-He’s not a real Plugger if Rally’s and White Castle aren’t on that list of possible eating places. In fact, Rally’s should just be renamed ‘Pluggerland’. Imagine the tie-ins! Toy rhino-men and kangagroo women in the kid’s meals! It would totally rock!

     GF-I cannot help but be in awe of the fact Foodar and Chubby Huggs are occupying the same comic strip, two days in a row. GF is now filled with so much awesomeness that it outshines everything else on the page with it.

     MW-Why does Mr. Nice Guy have a pink-sportcoated woman suddenly fused to his arm in the last panel?

     A3G-So she’s still fixated on Mr. Timothy Dalton. Go watch ‘Flash Gordon’ again, girlfriend. It’ll make you feel better.

     H&L-I see how they paid for that gigantic picture window…they sold all their furniture!

     Wizard of Id-Looks like they’re trying to match MW for the most awkward syntax in a comic strip 2007 award.

     Ziggy-Eww…do they really have to put Ziggy’s misshapen, puck-like feet all front and center like that? Dude, some of us are eating while we read this stuff! Go parade your character’s malformed appendages somewhere else, man!

     TDIET-The theme of this strip, on a ongoing basis, seems to be that guys are inconsistent. They act one way at work, a different way at home. Okay, Scaduto, WE GET IT. Gee, think he had issues with his father or something?

143. gh
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

     (DT)GT: So the second drawer peeked at the first drawer’s panel and passed a note to the third drawer: “Don’t show anyone’s hands. Trust me.”

144. Chupper
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

     I may have missed it in an earlier thread, but did anyone notice that Barry grew a third arm in the last panel of the 3/10/07 Curtis strip? He has one left arm, one right arm by his side, and a second left arm with a second left hand over his mouth. Whu?
     

145. andreavis
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

     Crankshaft: I think I’m now hysterically blind, from the x-treme closeup of so many Funky Winkersmirks in panel 2. And, I was hoping the winner of the contest would be allowed to pull Crankshaft from his bus and beat him with a pipe… maybe that will be the prize for selling the most band candy.

146. Pelagius
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

     I hope the bottom donut (or “doughnut”, whatever, not even Paul and Brad Andergaedjkjarson can be consistent) on Marmaduke’s tail is chocolate.

     NEWSFLASH! Washington Post is ditching Cathy, Broom Hilda, and Mary Worth for three new comics.

147. Anonymous
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

     Radioactive rocks do not glow

148. willethompson
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

     And while we’re in ‘correction’ mode, Curtis is confused as well. Donkeys and mules are not the same – a mule is the sterile, stubborn and moody product of a horse/donkey union. Which would explain Margo.

149. Calico
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

     #142 – the girls should just start yelling “Boxcar! Margo! Saturn!” at each other.

     “Picky Face” could be followed up with “Back Bacon Butt” or something of the like. Guess they’re all going to look like the Ellyphant eventually!

150. Dennis Jimenez
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

     What did the horny horse say to the donkey? More mules ass!

151. UnkleSam
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

     Give Shady Shrew a break…he’s probably hallucinating from living on the streets and drinking Cisco to get through the day.

     That is actually quite entrepreneurial of him…he’s got to keep himself in Bum Wine somehow.

152. UnkleSam
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

     also, give Margo a break! she is finally doing something about her pederasty!

153. Artist formerly known as Ben
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

     3/13

     H&J: So the guys first became friends going to a chick flick together. I’m starting to see Herb and Jamaal in a very new light.

     Momma: And haven’t we all, at one time or another, wheedled our mothers for money to rent a prostitute for the night. It’s a rite of passage where I come from.

     FW: Foolish mortal! You thought you could take pride and joy in one of your accomplishments! You cannot defy Batuik’s Supreme Law of Misery!

     A3G: Tommie is still fantasizing about Rupert Pupkin from The KIng of Comedy.

     DtM: My God! Who’s on the other end of the line?

     Marvin: The line “I was crazy about mom from the moment I first saw her” would be significantly less creepy without the heavy-lidded smirk.

     (DT)GT: Hi Brynna. We’re reporters. We’re here to bring this draggy conspiracy storyline to a merciful close. No don’t bother to thank us. Tens of readers will soon enough.

     Ziggy: The doctor actually wants to dial down Zig’s use of Cialis. Thankfully those big feet block out a lot.

     SFx: Life is like high school. Sometimes the jocks get this uncontrollable urge to twist the geeks’ heads off and drink their hot blood.

154. DCflack
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

     Call me an optimist, but I’m much more excited about the appearance of Guy #2 in the Mary Worth ad agency, Mr. Cross-Between-Spiderman-Villain-Sandman-and-the-guy-who-harassed-Luke-at-the-bar-in-Star-Wars. Have the death sentence in 3 serial comic strips, indeed!

155. ohyes
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

     MW: The new girl has already learned to shield her privates when Ben comes around.

     Or maybe she’s helpless to conceal her embarassment at the excitement she feels. She’s afraid curmudgeons will remark on her swelling cameltoe. We’ve embarassed her!

156. SarahR
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

     More than 150 comments later, am I actually the first person to ask WTF soricomorphic means?

157. rich
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

     142, 149: Does she mean “Pricky Face”??

158. zeeba
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

     LOL, Trilobite!!!
     Ain’t it the truth, Gadge Mole (about PBS)–that one’s starting out a great week!!

     3/13
     MT: why the saturn is Cherry crying big tears? She hardly knows these people!!

     Curtis: when Curtis said they found a jackass in class, I reacted the same as his little brother.

     FW: is there no more pitiable character than John, the comic book guy?? He’s nerdy, he runs a hardly profitable business which is now seemingly gone, his mother (who has only been heard and not seen) constantly berates him, he’s in love with a married woman, etc etc. If anyone in this hellhole of a comic strip should catch a break, he’s the one that deserves it even more than cancer ridden Lisa.

     HOTC (Heart of the City): Tatulli’s other strip:
     http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/13&name=Heart
     It’s always a good day when the Wild Things show up on the comics pages.

     GF: ROTFL!!! Foodar is the best character ever!!!

     MW: Oh, no, not the ad agency again!!! Well, it’s been over 30 years, but when I was a very young zeeba learning to read the comics, MW had a dramatic storyline involving an ad agency, but I can’t remember if it was in Santa Royale, or if it was in NY (Mary moved to Santa Royale in the 1970s). Either way, those ad agency dudes were up to no good with the young ladies back then and they probably aren’t now, either.

159. MossMoses
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

     Isn’t Affect Advertising where Jane Hand works? That (stupid) name has appeared in a previous episode.

     The Washington Post is dumping Mary Worth – why even bother getting up in the morning anymore?

160. queek
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

     109: because something slipped and fell off?

     another squid appearence in Lio, and HotC was wonderful. Any reference to “Where The Wild Things Are” is ace in my book. *commences rumpusing*

     will someone get Tommie a Hitachi Magic-Wand of her own? I hope she’s not borrowing Margo’s.

161. dimestore lipstick
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

     ♪ ♪Tuning up for Dingo here… ♪ ♪ ahem:

     The Last Game of the Season
     (The Blind Man in the Bleachers)
     by Sterling Whipple

     He’s just the blind man in the bleachers, to the local home town fans
     And he sits beneath the speakers, way back in the stands
     And he listens to the play-by-play, he’s just waiting for one name
     He wants to hear his son get in the game.

     But the boy’s not just a hero, he’s strictly second team
     Tho’ he runs each night for touchdowns, in his father’s sweetest dreams
     He’s gonna he a star someday, tho’ you might never tell
     But the blind man in the bleachers knows he will.

     And the last game of the season is a Friday night at home
     No one knows the reason, but the blind man didn’t come
     And his boy looks kinda nervous, sometimes turns around and stares
     Just as tho’ he sees the old man sittin’ there.

     The local boys are tryin’, but they slowly lose their will
     Another player’s down and now he’s carried from the field
     At halftime in the locker room, the kid goes off alone
     And no one sees him talkin’ on the phone.

     The game’s already started, when he gets back to the team
     And half the crowd can hear his coach yell, “Where the hell you been?”
     “Just gettin’ ready for the second half,” is all he’ll say
     “‘Cause now you’re gonna let me in to play.”

     Without another word, he turns and runs into the game
     And through the silence on the field, loudspeakers call his name
     It’ll make the local papers, how the team came from behind
     When they saw him playin’ his heart out to win.

     And when the game was over, the coach asked him to tell
     What was it he was thinkin’ of that made him play so well
     “You know my dad was blind,” he said, “Tonight he passed Away”
     “It’s the first time that my father has seen me play.”

     Which never made any sense to me, because even if his dad wasn’t blind, he never would have seen him play, because the little shit never got in the game before. Or is he saying that he never had to try before, because even if he did, his dad couldn’t see him anyway, so why bother?

162. Original Lee
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

     More conception-related names (real ones):
     My sister’s neighbors named their daughter Shirley because she was conceived during a traffic jam near the Shirlington exit on the Washington Beltway.

     My cousin named his oldest daughter Mary because she was conceived during their honeymoon in Maryland (back when people eloped to Maryland a la the Philadelphia Story). His youngest child, a boy, was named Christopher because he was conceived at the hotel to which the family fled after a pipe burst and flooded the house.

     A friend who is a social worker collects her favorites, including Formica Counter.

163. --MC
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

     #75 (So long ago)! — Dingo, the blind man song you’re thinking of was “Blind Man In The Bleachers” by David Geddes, one of the great “melodrama rock” songs of the 70s.
     As for “Honey” .. d’you think that the guy is protesting a little too much that he was at work when his wife passed? I can never listen to the song without turning it into a “Tell Tale Heart” sort of thing, with the singer telling his story and becoming increasingly agitated, finally jumping up and waving “See the tree, how big it’s grown! … Dissemble no more, dig up the turf! Here, here!”
     Um .. this isn’t very comics related, I’m sorry. Why were there so many comics about Alexander Graham Bell today?

164. willethompson
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

     Uhhhh, Dimestore, his dad got to see him play because he DIED and became an ANGEL who are rarely depicted with sunglasses and white canes.

165. ohyes
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

     FOOB – “Lard butt”?? April’s reaching deep, emerging with an insult bandied by legions of Liz-resisters. Is she giving a shout-out to curmudgeons? Is April one of us now? Is Liz’s disregarding nonchalance kind of in-our-face? Oh, it’s on!

166. willethompson
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

     I have a friend who works for Social Security and swears that she took a claim from someone named ‘Female’ (pron. fe-MAL-ay) because that’s what her mother thought her assigned name was when she saw it on the birth bracelet.

167. Hogen Mogen
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

     #156 – Sarah, Sorciomorpha is an order under class mammalia which incluces things such as shrews. I sort of figured that one out on my own, but it is sort of a reach for Josh to throw that one in there unless he wants to teach us new things like the “word per day” calendars or something.

168. TurtleBoy
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

     #165, ohyes: I think it could be a nod to Scaduto, though Johnston’s clearly confused “Lardbutt” and “Dragbutt,” one of the hapless schlubs who inhabits TDIET’s unfortunate world.

169. Old Fogeyette
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

     Funky: I have one word for all you Funky-haters: verisimilitude (copied from another post earlier). This is what life is really like! Get over it!

     Bizarro: Can someone please explain today’s panel to me?

170. gh
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

     #142 Lyman Returns & #158 zeeba

     I’m with you guys. Even Get Fuzzy’s second string make the Mary Worth headliners look like last minute stand-ins at a James Franciscus Dinner Theatre production of If It’s February, This Must Be Vietnam.

171. rayc
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

     Does the new employee at Affect, look like a really young Mary Worth with yellow hair? Look at that profile, Notice the similar purple attire. A love child from the past?

172. TB Tabby
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

     About today’s F Minus: Has anybody ever gotten those homemade cup-and-string telephones to work?

173. Hogen Mogen
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

     Hey Shady Shrew, Kim Jong Il just called and he wants his outfit back.

174. Hogen Mogen
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

     171 – rayc – This was discussed yesterday. Be a good tomato and ketchup.

     I get it. rayc = “racey”

175. gh
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

     #161 dimestore lipstick

     That was worth wading through just to get to the commentary! And look! Free ♪ ♪ ! I’ll put them in my scrapbook, right next to your : () ! I can’t draw Liz as well as you, but you know what I mean.

176. Saxman
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

     TDIET

     I had a great idea (real life) to submit to TDIET.

     You spend weeks tweaking the tag lines for your business-critcal commercial web site so that it appears on Google searches. But your link stays about ten pages down on any Google search list.

     But if you use the word “bra” in a Comics Curmudgeon blog post, you can be sure it is the first on the list for any Google search of your name.

     Then I realized that I’d have to explain what Google is in a footnote, and I just decided to drop the whole project.

177. Bitter Scribe
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

     #142: Who else is going to lead them? The general is a drunk, the major is a useless suckup, Lt. Fuzz is too much of a twerp, Lt. Jive (or whatever the black guy’s name is…don’t feel like looking it up) is too much of a token…Sarge is the most credible authority figure in the camp.

178. Plinko Commie
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

     I tried to give Apwil the benefit of the doubt, given her horrible horrible siblings, but if she’s going to go emo over “picky face”, I can’t abide her no more.

     I kind of wish the strip would continue, though, if only to see “picky face!” “LARD BUTT!” play out during one of the parents’ funerals.

179. Foobar
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

     Alright, I believe that if anyone can answer this question, you folks can.

     What is up with Zippy the Pinhead? To me it is utterly inscrutable.

180. L_Jonté
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

     RE: Apt 3-G

     He makes her feel like a woman? What the hell did she feel like before, an artichoke? What pair of 1962 glasses would I have to look through to make this strip even remotely relevant?

181. Bombcar
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

     I can’t help but feel we’re missing a panel before the last one in FOOB. Like maybe the panel where Liz bitchslapped April whilst laughing. Otherwise, the last line doesn’t make sense.

182. rich
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

     Annie …must die!

     Okay, according to Sunday’s strip, “most” of the prisoners at Guantanamo are — how’s this for objective reporting — “the beasts of the earth.” And those foolishly released for “naive humanitarian reasons” have — you betcha! — gone right back to being terrorists, on account’a they hate freedom!

     Good god, where to begin? This new conservative mouthpiece doesn’t even have the decency to cite the sources for its statistics (a la Mallard Fillmore).

     In that case, let me cite a few Conservative sources:

     George W. Bush: Announced in Summer ‘05 that 70% at Guantanamo were slated for release because they were no longer considered a threat (though that release has yet to occur).

     The CIA: Admitted in 2002 that most of the prisoners “did not belong there”.

     The Pentagon: Announced that their data shows that only 8% at “Gitmo” are even alleged to have been Al Qaeda fighters. (see Joseph Margulies piece in Chicago Tribune, January 14, 2007).

     Of course, I’m not trying to start a political argument here — this is all about the comics! It’s all about “Annie” — and how its hateful new creator, Jay Maeder, stinks to high heaven!

183. fuzzmaster
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

     Because everyone should be named after whatever … contributed most directly to their conception.

     I may have missed it somewhere in the flood of comments, but has no one pointed out that our Commenter-in-Chief’s name is … ‘josh’?

     “Hey, sweetie, due to a childhood accident I’m completely infertile … April Fool!”

184. --MC
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

     #179 .. Zippy the Pinhead is America.

185. SmartPeopleOnIce
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

     More conception-related names: John

186. Schlimmerkerl
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

     They were probably having shooters

     I think it’s an Urban Legend, but my wife swears that her friend told her about twins in her (the friend’s) kid’s class at school named “lemonjello” and “orangejello”— pronounced “le MAHN jelo” and “or ANJ elo”.

187. Dan Coyle
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

     FW: Every time Tom Batiuk starts a John storyline it’s like watching someone kick a puppy. Jesus!

188. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

     #161 dimestore lipstick: GAAAAAAH!!! Oh. My. Gawd. Yes, that was the li’l ditty that used to play on WMAQ back when it was a country radio station in the 1970s. I’m still trying to figure out how the kid was allowed onto the field to play without the coach’s permission.

     Oh, and I love the little music notes you included. Thank you.

189. Brent
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

     I’m sure that just listening to Margot is enough to get Tommy to start smoking again. Either that or (based on her fantasies in today’s strip) think about taking up an exciting career in the adult entertainment industry. Or both. Maybe she’ll meet a guy who can do Marmaduke’s donut trick without a tail!

190. Monster Jamz
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

     as far as Skylock Fox solving the “mystery” (this is, after all, the point of the strip right?) this has to be the easiest case yet for him (and us). Shady Shrew, fresh off the streets and looking considerably less than fresh, got his hands on authentic moon rocks? yeah right. no investigative skills are needed here. the crackhead shrew also has some martian gold to sell you. case closed before it has even begun! let’s all head over to the “Donut Hole” for some pastries, gloating, and figuring out what the hell Max Mouse adds to this crime-fighting team. seems like a lot of wasted tax dollars on this incompetent yellow rodent. c’mon Max, step it up.

191. DaveyK
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

     You’re worried about Gropy McGrabass? I’m worried about that other guy, Flatnose McUnsuccessful-boxer-turned-advertising-office-rage-a-holic.

     If that guy actually punches someone in the face, I’ll take back almost all the bad things I’ve ever said about Mary Worth. If he punches Mary in the face, I’ll take back every single one of the bad things I ever said.

192. SmartPeopleOnIce
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

     Me thinks y’all are mis-reading Margo’s “makes me feel like a woman” quip. She means that in the sense that one might “feel like” a beer. And we all know what she meant to say was that she feels like a plump delicious baby.

     Ok, I admit I just wanted to use the phrase “plump delicious baby”. I’m not proud of that, but there it is.

193. Shiptic Canker
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

     I look at those hipster outfits at Affect ad agency and can’t help but wonder what year it is. It looks like they’re all moon-walking out of a ‘Where’s the Beef’ campaign brainstorming session.

194. ghastlymess
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

     TDIET.

     Anyone notice that Al’s been…well, a bit testy lately? Days on end now, every stip has a henpecked person screaming and swearing and carrying on with the rage-filled Sacdudisms.

     Al, I know you like living on the edge, but I don’t want you to fall off. We’re here for you, remember that.

195. Herro!
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

     #142, April is probably sensitive over “Picky Face” due to her past acne issues, wherein she was unable to keep her hands away from them. I feel for the poor kid. She always takes second (or third) priority after Mike’s fortune and Liz’s drama. I swear the only reason we don’t hate her is because she’s the only Patterson not designed after one of Lynn’s own family, and therefore the only “real” one. That’s also the reason she’s treated as the embarrassing bastard child in the strip.

196. Artist formerly known as Ben
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

     #182, Holy boxcar! That spin makes my head spin! Especially obnoxious is Daddy Warbucks’ “trials isn’t the right word.” Because trials are so September 10th.

197. Bitter Scribe
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

     #182: Oh, God, Little Orphan Annie is BACK?!?!

     In the late sixties, it was one of the most fascistic strips ever–and I don’t use that adjective lightly. The characters’ brand of “patriotism” consisted of beating the crap out of anyone who disagreed with them. One guy–I swear I’m not making this up–beat up a bystander at a parade because the guy didn’t take off his hat when the flag went by.

     This new guy will have to work hard if he wants to match that level of obnoxiousness. But judging by the strip linked in #182, he’s well on his way.

198. cinephile
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

     It’s not just that the store is named “Donut Hole,” but that the donuts are, in fact, sliding towards Marmaduke’s hole that makes it all the more disturbing..

     Based on my theory that APT 3G is, in fact, a rewrite of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I assume Tommie (Willow)’s passive-agressive, non-commital looks are signal that she’s betraying her roommate Margo (Cordelia) by sleeping with Eric (Xander). Watch out for crowbars through the chest, Margo!

199. Non-Shannon
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

     Re #186 Schlemiel:

     Okay, someone has mentioned this before on this forum. I actually used to tell people the Orangejello and Lemonjello story because a friend of mine had SWORN to me that he actually went to school with them (they were twins, of course). Now I have decided that it’s just another one of those strange urban myths, albeit a pretty awesome one. I think it may be somewhat particular to the south, because none of my yankee friends claim to have heard it growing up. Anyone else heard of O & L?

200. Josh
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

     Rich #182 — wow, thanks for pointing me in Annie’s direction. I may actually have to start reading it now. It looks completely nuts.

     Among Sunday’s strip’s many sins, it seems to be setting up a plot directly lifted from The Departed. I bet one of Daddy Warbucks’ underlings is an al Qaeda mole!

     Josh

201. gh
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

     Who was it back there said a bad song is redeemed if it can be turned into a parody?

     .

     .

     .

     Come on, it was one of you rat bastards. Well, I‘m here to tell you you’re wrong! It makes for an even worse song. I hope you suffer as much as I did.

     See the bear, how big it’s grown
     But friend it hasn’t been so long
     It wasn’t big
     We laughed at her and all her tricks
     The first day that we spotted her, we danced a jig
     Then the first blow came
     The car wrecked and, confused, she loped away
     Left her man to lie
     Came runnin’ up all excited
     Smack into ass-arrow bear
     And we laughed till we cried
     She was always young at heart
     Kinda dumb and kinda smart and we loved her so
     And Jake surprised her in the jeep
     Or was it Snake? One of those freaks two months ago
     And it would sure embarrass Mark
     When he came back to where he parked
     ‘Cause he would think
     That she’d be sittin’ there all puzzled
     That sorry bastard’s why I turned to drink

     And Molly, we miss you
     And we’re bein’ good
     And we’d love to be with you
     If only we could

     She wrecked the car and she was sad
     The first verse covered that (my bad)
     Oh, what the heck
     Well, she could sense hostility
     What word rhymes with hostility?
     Wait, let me check.
     Well, she could sense hostility
     In every person, rock and tree
     And responded with dismay
     And just as we were getting crass
     (Ubiquiducks and moose’s ass)
     She went away

     And Molly, we miss you
     And we’re bein’ good
     And we’d love to be with you
     If only we could

     One day for reasons left unknown
     While she was there and all alone
     The beavers came
     Now all we have is memories of Molly
     And we wake up nights and call her name
     Now our life’s an empty stage
     Where Molly lived and Molly played
     (Let’s wind this up)
     And a large duck passes overhead
     And quacks down on the LoFo spread
     That Molly loved

     And see the bear, how big it’s grown
     But friend it hasn’t been too long
     It wasn’t big
     We laughed at her and all her tricks
     The first day that we spotted her, we danced a jig . . .

202. bootsybooks
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

     People, people, people! The best death song ever is “St. James Infirmary”, which is closely tied in its misty origins with “The Dying Crapshooter’s Blues”. They both go back to an old Irish drinking song.

     On yesterday’s worst songs: I used to think that stupid “Pina Coloda” song was actually about Superman, due to the line “…if you like makin’ love at midnight/ with a dude in a cape”.

     Many many years later Mr. Books explained to me that those were not the real words. What a cruel world.

203. ridge
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

     I’ve heard the Orangejello/Lemonjello story from tons of different people. I first heard it in my hometown, Detroit, but also in Minneapolis and Berkeley, CA. Everyone swears it’s true. Frankly, it’s something I’ve come to recognize as fundamentally racist (like the “That’s nacho cheese” joke) because it’s always been credited to a black family in the versions I’ve heard.

204. willethompson
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

     #192 SPOI & #196 AFKAB – BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Here I am, correcting a 200 page technical document and laughing my fool head off at two CsOTW for next week! So much for part # accuracy…

     “A dingo got my plump, delicious baby!” Hooo.

205. ChefMike
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

     199 I hadn’t heard this particular myth, but I had a friend once who used to be a worker in a shelter for battered women, and she told me once the story of an unwed mother who was thankful to the hospital staff for naming her children for her. when asked what she meant she pointed to the hospital bracelets around their tiny wrists, Male (MAH le) and Female (fe MAH le) Smith.

206. willethompson
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

     #210 gh – “While she was there and all alone – The beavers came…?????” STOP IT! JUST STOP IT RIGHT NOW, MISTER!!

207. Douglas E. Iannucci
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

     I have access to a file of Ziggy cartoons, soon to be released for publication (yes, they’re drawn well in advance). The caption, “I’ll do what I can, but ________ withdrawal isn’t a real medical condition” (all skillfully calligraphed with the lower case “i” for the first person singular) features prominently, with the abused substance of choice ranging from “potato chips” to “crossword puzzle”. I’m sure Ziggy will be around, say, five centuries from now.

208. Hysterical Woman
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

     182: Annie’s always been conservative. Sure, in the musical they made her an FDR supporter, but Annie’s always been a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps (and get adopted by billionarie) type of gal.

209. Douglas E. Iannucci
     March 13th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

     I have to admit it, today’s Slylock Fox had me completely stumped. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how Slylock knew that Shady Shrew wasn’t on the level. I admit, I had to read the answer. Of course, real moon rocks do not glow. Why, the moon in the sky is bright only because it is reflecting the sunlight back to the earth! How could I have not realized that? Of course Shady Shrew was trying to pull the wool over our eyes! Boy, live and learn!

210. Gabe
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

     Mentioned in the Snopes article, but unconfirmed true. I’d say possible, but probably a UL. Though Ima Hogg and Shanda Lear ARE real, which is the best thing ever.

211. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

     Probably not rare at all (I’ve met at least one) are women whose first two names are Amanda Lynn. I bet some of them don’t even realize that they are “a mandolin”.

212. Jack Parsons
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

     My parents (born 1919 and 1920) would both be named Spanish Flu.

213. AirForbes
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

     There’s something kind of weird about Margo “feeling like a woman”. Kind of creepy. It just ain’t right.

214. TB Tabby
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

     209: I knew it. You should’ve watched more Beakman’s World.

215. Foobar
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

     184- Ah, it all makes perfect sense now. The 20 nearly identical people with big chins, the things that made no sense, all of it.

216. bootsybooks
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

     #6, Mushuweasel, I laughed and laughed. Lindy Boggs, retired long term member of the House of Representatives AND former US ambassador to the Vatican, who is Cokie Roberts’ mother, would be pleased.

     Since I am the seventh of nine children, I guess my conception name would be “Finally a door that locks!”

217. Lizardmess
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

     Holy Nostril Cam Rex Morgan! I’m going to kill you.

218. Chupper
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

     More fuel for the fire of weird names, Snopes (urban legend evaluators) has a page about it, including some of the names thrown about in this thread:
     http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/names.htm

219. Dick, the doorbell
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

     One Big Sappy – Cameo by the Lockhorns!

     Mark Trail of Tears – Sally and Cherry’s wardrobe by CamelToe Jeans

     Me – I suppose I’m lucky I wasn’t named ‘Here’s Your Goddamn Birthday Present’

     I’m not bitter.

     Really.

220. Squeak
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

     Chevrolet experimented with “color-eliminating” windshields, such as the one depicted in panel one of Mary Worth, in the mid-1960’s. Faced with warning of lawsuits for motorists running red lights they couldn’t see, the experiment was quickly dropped.

221. Jack Parsons
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

     116:
     NeedlePark
     Dr. Demento
     The next stall over in the nightclub when I’m just trying to void.
     CableModemBroke
     RabbitEarsBroke (pluggers)

     MiningTownInChile (my siblings)

222. willethompson
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

     Hmmmm… I guess my conception name would be “HonorableDischarge” tho’ my sisters “LetsSeeIfTheEpisiotomyHasHealed” and “FinallyFoundABabySitterInThisNeighborhood” would disagree.

223. Pozzo
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

     #75 Dingo – That’s “Blind Man in the Bleachers” by Kenny Starr. As mawkish a tune as “Cat’s in the Cradle.”

224. zqfmgb
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

     Because everyone should be named after whatever … contributed most directly to their conception

     makes you wonder about TDIET characters like Buttbrain, Dimwiddy, Ragmop, Loopina and Castrata (Ooh, that gives me chills), or even zippy the pinhead.

     I also suggest:
     -Brokenxbox
     -Gradparty
     -Tourdefrance
     -8hourbusride
     -Newhaircut
     -Lunesta (probably the most distrubing)

225. Old Fogeyette
     March 13th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

     #201 gh: Best. Parody. Yet.

     Plus, I feel a new thread coming on. More caffeine, mules!

226. Anon
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

     I guess that explains my “real” name, Itsokillpullout.

227. anne
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

     133 hogenmogen, and others that use the HCC, here’s an awesome trick so that it won’t limit you to 8 comics per page. In the URL, see the part that says “cpp=8″, right after “quality=high&”? change that number 8 to 80, or whatever number you like. Then you can have all the comics load at once, and just scroll through them instead of loading page after page.

     of course, if I put all of my HCC comics in one link, the URL is too long to store properly in my google bookmarks, so I have to split it into two. But it’s still better than 8 at a time.

228. Non-Shannon
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

     My dad has always told me that, had I been a male, he would’ve named me Ry Cooder. As in, y’know, Ry Cooder. Not sure if that could also be the circumstance leading to my conception, but I’m guessing so.

229. zqfmgb
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

     so, while I was scanning the archives for TDIET character names, I noticed that while the names remain the same, the various men and women end up married to random other men and women on a regular basis. Loopina could be anyone’s daughter. apparently swinging is one of the things they’ll do every time. And here I thought the strip had conservative overtones…

230. gh
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

     #227 anne

     Cool! Thanks!

231. Crap_in_a_Hat
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

     A3G: Did someone already make a joke involving a hybrid of Margo and Aretha Franklin? I’m not going to, I’m just warning against it, since man was not meant to imagine certain things.
     Ziggy: That doctor is obviously a charlatan; he should be using modern medical technology, but instead he just invokes his ancient deity “isN’TA” in midsentence. Or perhaps the Johannes Guttenberg wet dream who writes the strip ran out of space. I like the first idea, because it means Ziggy is in deep shit when he dislocates his shoulder.

232. Crap_in_a_Hat
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

     #229: Actually, on the freakish parallel-50s Earth of TDIET, “Loopina” is a slang term for a woman that can either be used in a derogatory manner (”Little Loopina is a fine piece of tail, ain’t she? Oh ye-a-a-h!”) or a “reclaimed” manner by the original targets of the word (”Wassup, Loopina?”) I say “woman” because featuring women is about as diverse, and therefore edgy, as TDIET gets.

233. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

     I think that Marmaduke is actually channeling this old Zeebarf comic: donut (NSFW)

234. LimaBean
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

     sjhdgegf

235. Blondie
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

     Also, what home shopping network would let a yellow mouse stand directly under the camera while they’re filming? I don’t think Slylock should worry, if this is a real home shopping network then no one will watch it any way.

236. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

     #201 gh: That is wonderful! gh, I want to bear your children!

237. gh
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

     #236 Dingo

     No way. I fell for that one once before and look where it got me — writing parodies at 2 cents a word just to pay for child support.

238. Blondie
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

     MT: How long are we going to have to endure watching Cherry/Mark comfort the sobbing Sally. It’s not like it’s even a particularly dramatic episode, she’s faking it for god’s sake! I think that because Sally was crying so long Dan will actually drown (if he’s still in the lake) and then we will never find out what he was up to (namely because Jack Elrod had no idea in the first place), and we will have to watch Sally cry for another two weeks.
     That would be a typical Mark Trail storyline.

239. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

     #237 gh: You get two cents a word?!? I got a penny for every five!

240. Blondie
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

     9CL: Woah! This strip just took a surprisingly dark and rather horrible turn.

241. fizzy logic
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

     I must be in a bad mood today – headache – but the comics aren’t helping me out at all….

     FOOB – for god’s sake Elizabeth, just GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. What will it take to make you so uncomfortable that you have to move your lard butt out? Does the fact that you are a so-called adult and can move out provide any contrast with April’s situation for you? Do you have any compassion for your little sister? Have you no sense of decency, at long last?

     A3g – If anyone spoke to me in the condescending way that Margo is speaking to Tommie (about luv), I’d have to just punch her right in the face. How old are these “girls” supposed to be, anyway? They look mid-thirties, and have looked that age since (before) I’ve been playing on my swingset. So Tommie thinks her love is this gross guy that kissed her after barking at her? She should be punched in the face too.

     It was all about Foodar and Chubby Hugs today – they just made my morning!

     I win for the most depressing conception name (so far) : dead sibling….

     On that note, off to take some asprin or something to get rid of this stupid headache. Great comments today, as usual guys & gals!

242. Blondie
     March 13th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

     FBFW: Since when has “Picky Face” become a mortal insult as opposed to, oh I dunno, something you would say to a toddler?

243. Brent
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

     208: I always imagine a strange whirring sound Harold Gray’s grave in Chicago or wherever they planted him (not nearly deep enough in my opinion) every time Annie, Warbucks and FDR raise their voices to sing “The Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow”. If you could harness his spinning corpse you could probably power most of Illinois.

244. zeeba
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

     201 gh: LOLOLOL!! (Even the line “ubiquiducks and moose’s ass” fit the meter of the song!!!)

     169 old fogeyette: if no one’s helped you yet with Bizarro, I will.
     http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070313&name=Bizarro

     This kind of goes in with the current thread of your name coming from the circumstances of your conception. The guy’s name is already a license plate number (ha! he was named after the license plate of the car in which he was conceived, most likely), and he can’t have a vanity plate with his own name, because someone else has a car with that number on it already. Clever? kind of. Funny? not.

245. dimestore lipstick
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

     Dingo;
     I forgot to mention–Blind Man in the Bleachers is a lot more fun if you set it to the tune of Pinball Wizard…

246. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

     #245 dimestore lipstick: You got me to go onto LimeWire and download it. It’s actually as awful as I remember it! Plus, I downloaded Red Sovine’s Teddy Bear and Teddy Bear’s Last Ride (don’t even, don’t EVEN).

     So… as we near the end of this thread, I’ve put up a game for all of you. The Bonus Questions was something I did each week for the computer course I used to teach (and from which I was downsized). Each week, I would post a question on the course website for students to answer for extra credit. Some of the questions are mindnumbingly easy; others are not. Take a stab at them. My favorite is the capybara.

     If you’d like, I’ll post the answers in a few days.

247. Mr. O’Malley
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

     Irish joke for St. Patrick’s Day—abbreviated since the Irish usually like to make jokes as long as possible.

     A Kerryman, new father, has to be out of town for the christening of his new twins, son and daughter. Names haven’t been decided so he leaves it up to his brother who is the godfather. Arrives home again…

     Wife: (sobbing) I told you we should never have let your brother choose the children’s names!

     Husband: Haud your whisht! What name did he choose for the daughter?

     Wife: (still sobbing) Denise.

     Husband: And what’s wrong with that? Denise is a fine name for a girl! And the boy?

     Wife: (still more sobs) Denephew!

248. Buck Ripsnort
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

     Not quite a conception story, but my neighbor’s niece was named Morphine. Apparently the mother tried to go for natural childbirth. . .
     As for For Worse or Worser– since when has a little sister been reduced to tears by one insult? My nieces can go for hours, dredging up cruel nicknames, sexual misconduct and body issues, before one of them so much as winces.

249. Dennis Jimenez
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

     Ye must be Irish, cuz me willie is dublin.

250. MossMoses
     March 13th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

     144. Chupper, I agree that Barry is a freak but that is his monstrous Gene Simmonsesque tongue licking a lollipop in panel three, not a third hand. If you enlarge it, you’ll see.

251. Moon Mullins
     March 13th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

     #236 Dingo:

     Are you channeling Lola Heatherton?

252. Islamorada Girl
     March 13th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

     Don’t you see, people? Being driven slowly insane by a mob of family members living in the house, it’s only a matter of time before Lizardbreath accepts Granthony’s offer to rent her a room, or her own little cage in his digs. Platonically, of course, but soon it will turn into TWUE WOOVE.

     Lynn is a communist plot, financed by Hanoi and Beijing.

253. Chupper
     March 13th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

     244 zeeba – thanks for helping out with that one. I too was confused, because I was sure that the letters on the plate/name must have been a secret message. Youre explanation bypasses that altogether making the joke understandle, if not funny; such a waste of joke set-up. V6L-R8N… The best I could do was Vesicle Ratin’

     250 MossMoses, thanks to you too. I should’ve guess that Barry’s epidermis had grown over his tongue and his coat was fashioned out of lollipop. He’s truly a master of camouflage.

254. Ol'Froth
     March 13th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

     Is Ziggy’s doctor Karl Mauldin? Is it a good idea to take advice from a dead actor?

255. MossMoses
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

     254. Karl Malden? You mean the actor with the massive, fleshy, incandescent lightbulb shaped shnozz who calls his partner Buddy Boy, right? I think he’s still alive.

256. MonkeyHawk
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

     I think Karl Malden is still alive, although I doubt he buys green bananas anymore.

257. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

     #251 Moon Mullins: YES!!! Thank you for getting that.

258. King Folderol
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

     MW – Wait a minute…THAT’S IT???!!! WTF??? Shouldn’t there have been some sort of more satisfying resolution? A biddy-off of sorts? A heart attack by Ella? The revelation that she was really a ghost, and meddling in human affairs is only OK if you’re an annoying live person like Mary? This is most dissatisfying, though I agree with Josh that there was no good ending for this pointless exercise, so perhaps it was for the best. Even Gary Dent planting an explosive in Ella’s taxi wouldn’t have taken the stink off this skunk of a story.

     Meanwhile, I love how in Mary Worth’s universe, the idea of the “hip” advertising guy is someone wearing an ill-fitting blazer with an ugly striped shirt like the ones my Mom used to make me wear when I was eight.

259. Red Greenback
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

     Dingo-#246?- Hey, sorry man, when I put forth “Teddy Bear” as the all-time worst song, I should have prefaced it with a “NSF Anything” caveat. Didn’t think anyone would bother to look up the lyrics, let alone download it! You are indeed brave, Dingo!

260. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

     Red, it’s the follow-up song – Teddy Bear’s Last Ride – that’ll send you over the edge.

261. RedLion
     March 13th, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

     Between her legs, Ella holds a bottle of hooch.

     In other news: Has anyone been following the current FW strip? More misery and dream-shattering. The owner of the comic book store finds his beloved hobby/job to be flooded over. Comic-book man becomes the latest victim of FW’s campaign to eradicate any semblance of hope from its characters’ lives. (I can’t remember his name–is it really important? No. No it isn’t. After all, if there’s anything I’ve learned from FW, it’s that everyone is going to die alone, unloved, and unknown.)

262. King Folderol
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

     Non-Sequitor – Ah, a joke and concept that Berke Breathed would have done much better in his prime. Sigh.

     Marmaduke – I don’t even want to think about what that doughnut by Marm’s ass is going to taste like. And yet I now have. And so have you.

     Ziggy – There isn’t even a joke here. I’m waiting for the day “Ziggy” just has some random words thrown together – “Spit bicycle kamikaze food mother puppy colander.” Hah, hah.

     Slylock – Since when did the legitimacy of a product prevent its sale on a home shopping network? It that’s Slylock’s new criteria for mysteries, he’s going to be awfully busy banging down the doors of QVC and beating up D-level celebrities who host informercials for the next 15 years or so.

     A3G – Poor Tommie. Her lone brain cell cannot comprehend change.

263. MonkeyHawk
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

     Slylock outfoxed me again today.

     I was thinking along the lines of Shady Shrew’s cold earrings.

264. MossMoses
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

     It was Jane Hand who worked at Affect Advertising, right? Maybe she has a new job as a full time wharf selky. Since she is obviously an idiot based on her inane lawsuit, she may be better suited for that type of neck down job.

265. Randy S
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

     For those who were asking if Karl Malden is alive, the answer is yes.
     http://www.deadoraliveinfo.com/dead.nsf/mnames-nf/Malden+Karl

     (The above is an excellent site for the purpose of confirming who’s still alive and who isn’t)

266. fizzy logic
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

     #255 & #256 MossMoses & MonkeyHawk – According to IMDB, Karl Malden will be turning 95 next week. I think one of you should send him a card – it would be a nice gesture. Maybe one with bananas on it. I don’t think Ol’Froth (#254) should do it, since he’ll spell his name wrong.

267. Jack Parsons
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

     Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
     Sexomnia

268. Jack Parsons
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

     241: fizzy logic
     Salvador Dalí was named after his dead older brother (stillborn I think). Same with either Picasso or Miró. Now that’s impostor syndrome.

269. Jack Parsons
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

     Is it just me, or does Macarthur Park start with the same tune as ‘raindrops keep dropping on my head’? But the latter is syncopated?

     Trained wops keep balling on my bed – national lampoon

270. gh
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

     #239 Dingo

     Yes, 2 cents/word, but I have to pay for my own postage and use their typewriter and ribbons (purchased in advance) so technically I still owe them $432.45. And because I’ve learned [the hard way] to respect your NSFW ratings, I’ll trust you when you suggest we back away from “Teddy Bear’s Last Ride.”

271. Dean Booth
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

     FOOB: “LARD FACE!” and “Picky Butt!” would be more effective insults.

272. Islamorada Girl
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

     As Ella drives away, she’s either flashing Mary gang signs or putting the evil eye on her. I like to think she’s cursing Mary to a hellish life of meddling, tuna casserolem being dropped from WaPo and Gary Dent as the new condo president-for-life.

273. Red Greenback
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

     Dingo, I attempted to download “Teddy Bear’s Last Ride” as an audio file from LimeWire, and all i got was: “mom friends mature teddy bear ’ s last ride my hot ms.wma” This does not respect the memory of Mr. Sovine! Oh well, I’m just gonna look up the lyrics.

274. MonkeyHawk
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

     Red Sovine: the thinking plugger’s Boxcar Willie.

     In a nice way, I mean.

275. Islamorada Girl
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

     As Ella drives away, she’s either flashing Mary gang signs or putting the evil eye on her. I like to think she’s cursing Mary to a hellish life of meddling, tuna casserole, being dropped from WaPo and Gary Dent as the new condo president-for-life who will refuse to allow her to hang a Christmas wreath or paint her door purple.

276. cinephile
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

     I apologize if someone’s already posted this (I’ve been busy today and have really only had time to skim), but this is an interesting interview with Lynn J. that was posted at FOOBiverse Journal today:
     http://www.belleville.com/mld/belleville/living/16825357.htm

     Best quote? The unintentionally insightful self-critique:

     “It’s time for me to make a change because I don’t want to look at my work and say, `You know, it’s not my best work anymore,’ which is what would happen if I was to continue and try to tell stories about things I know nothing about.”

     Gosh, the punchline just kind of writes itself, doesn’t it?

277. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
     March 13th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

     About that “Blind Man in the Bleachers” song: I was unaware that a key theological tenet is that when you die, all your physical deformities are healed, and you can see anything, anywhere. So shouldn’t there be a country weeper called “Don’t Need No Viagra in Heaven” – about a poor impotent man who’s killed in a trainwreck or something?

278. Dean Booth
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

     #182 rich. Yes, that Annie is absolutely appalling.

     #241 fizzy. lol on your name.

     I sometimes have trouble reading the ultra tiny text in some comics (e.g., Zippy). Here’s a tip for those similarly challenged: From the Start menu, select Program Files -> Accessories -> Accessibility -> Magnifier. It enlarges the text when you mouse over it. Oh yeah-h-h-h!

279. Jamus The Bartender
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

     182. Amen on Annie being appaling, but in terms of creator integrity, I have a feeling Harold Grey would have approved. My only question …why did Annie feel compelled to raid Charlie Brown’s jagged stripe-shirt stash. Red dresses no longer cutting it?

280. Harold
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

     201 gh, you have caused that song to bring tears to my eyes once again!!!!

     276 Gadge, I hope that the proximate cause of the car-train collision in “Don’t Need No Viagra in Heaven” was a four-hour erection lodged in a steering wheel. (Four Hour Erection – great band name!)

     I believe the young lady in Mary Worth is about to be steered to taking up residence in Apartment 3-G, since Tommie and Margo are going to be looking for a new roomate to replace the dead or irreparably brain-damaged LuAnn, who has been huffing paint fumes in an airtight studio for several days.

     Oh, and does anyone else know about this?
     http://gilthorp.wordpress.com/
     The horror…the horror…

281. Blondie
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

     #275: No!!! That will be worse than the pointless melodrama that’s going on now! I think when that happens I will have an excuse to stop reading FBFW.

282. Ukulele Ike
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

     278: For the past seven years, “Annie” has been written by Jay Maeder, erstwhile feature writer for the New York Daily News and author of a 1990 history/hagiography of Dick Tracy…by far the best book to come out of the short-lived Tracymania sparked by the release of Warren Beatty’s crappy movie.

     Under Jay’s hands, Annie has taken some bizarre plot turns, like the just-concluded one in which Annie meets her doppelganger in Atlantis. He’s also given her a cute Hispanic sidekick/big-sister type, whose name I forget.

283. Some dude
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

     Today’s MW (Only 6 more until it is gone from the W. Post!): Run, Vera, RUN!!!!!

284. Some dude
     March 13th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

     Heh, my last post would make a great piece of dialouge for that last panel of today’s MW, preferably spoken by some lady dashing out of the boss’s office.

285. Old Fogeyette
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

     #244 zeeba: Thanks for the explanation. I am very impressed that you figured it out. I must be missing a subtlety gene or something. Kinda like Lynn and Karen Moy.

     Dingo–I was also impressed by your quiz, but even trying to think about answering it gave me a headache. I am, however, very interested in the capybara question, as it is about as far from being a fish as you can get. Perhaps in Washington, DC? And by the way, I am in possession of a beautiful capybara skull, a legacy from my father.

     Now that we’re getting back to hideous songs, it is definitely time for this thread to end. I recently had a large (Vende, I think) Starbucks Cappucino. Perhaps that will do the trick.

286. Squid Countess
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

     Things I have to say before I forget, which I will, if I read all the way to the end, which normally I do

     #116 Wille “Stall”. Made me laugh the whole damn day. Thanks!

     # 161 Dimestore Lipstick I mentioned “Blind Man in the Bleachers” about two months ago, and somebody posted the lyrics and I commented “how maudlin,” etc. But I have never, ever seen your take on it : Why didn’t the little shit try even when his Dad couldn’t see?” Bwahahaha ..gasp…choke.. bwahahahahahahaha. There’s something wrong with you.

     # gh Please, please don’t stop deconstructing Gil Thorp! Yesterday’s comment about “I’m just a disembodied head on a burlap sack” and today’s about “trust me – don’t try to draw hands ” have made me so happy. I’d do it myself if I could, but I just don’t have what it takes.

     #169 Old Fogeyette I hope someone explains Bizzaro to you, ‘cuz I don’t get it either.
     Now, about Funky Winkerbean – - I’m a social worker who spends all day every day working with people crushed by greed and stupidity and pain and abuse and sickness and loss. I do not enjoy those same subjects in my comic strips. The people who hate Funky Winkerbean the most are the ones who least need to be reminded “it’s like life.” Yes, we know. That’s why we hate it.

287. PInk Haired Girl
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

     They (the people who decide what comic to put in the paper) have taken Mary from us. It all happened so suddenly. I thought that they would replace something like Adam at Home, but no! they had to take Mary!

     *sniff* Oh Mary, we hardly knew ye.

288. Heckler123
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

     #268 – Vincent vanGogh was named after a deceased older brother. The headstone was right outside the church door that Vincent had to pass by each Sunday morning. It explains a lot. (Seriously.)

289. MonkeyHawk
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

     …if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, seek immediated medical attention…

     For me or for her?

290. Stewball
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

     Of course the WP is cancelling MW: it’s simply too cutting edge! DC can’t handle the new storyline, which is centered on Mary’s transgender alter ego Ben. I can’t be the only one who sees recognizes Mary in drag?

291. Heckler123
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

     Mary Worth – Does it strike anyone else as ironic that the advertising firm in the story has a very ill-thought-out name? “Affect Advertising Agency” is awkward, unmemorable, and completely lack in any sort of elan.

     Sort of like the characters in the story.

292. Tabby
     March 13th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

     Ok, I’d be something like, In-The-Early-60s-Some-Women-Still-Believed-You-Could-Trap-A-Husband-By-Getting-Pregnant
     She was a country girl, loosing her job in the big city. He was fresh out of the Marines. Needless to say, it was not a happy match
     Love the site – thanks to all for many smirks & chortles!

293. Philly
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

     You know, I can’t explain it, but I have this weird feeling that the new girl in “Mary Worth” is, like, running from something. Who knows?

294. Red Greenback
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

     #288-MonkeyHawk-You owe a bottle of Mr. Clean® and a roll of generic paper towels.

295. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

     #284 Old Fogeyette: Not Washington, DC. There is one country in the world where the capybara is considered a fish. Only one. I usually only had one or two students get it right each semester. Plus… Washington, DC is a city, not a country.

     (Add your own snark to THAT)

296. M
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

     I’ll bet this is what they’re referring to…

     http://blogs.timesunion.com/editors/

297. Tats
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

     MW: You don’t listen to them, Vera. They don’t know you. They’ll never know you. You get in your fast car and keep on driving.

298. Poteet
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

     # 122 — Yes, Len, a Libra. Constantly balancing the need to work with the desire to procrastinate indefinitely.

     # 129 — HAR! Let it all out, Insolenttomato. We feel your pain. And the last time I was forced to watch a few minutes of That Movie, I noticed that the “sixteen-going-on-seventeen” Trapp girl looked about as “sixteen” as I do.

     # 201 — gh, your fiendishly clever (Bwahaha!) plan was unsuccessful. I still love Molly, the Best Bear in the World.

     Foob — My sister now refers to the Patterturds, a name I like. And Lynn’s campaign to make me hate everyone continues, as I wonder why Deanna doesn’t tell Michael, “Look, Sheilagh-brain, I’m bringing in most of the money and I want to get out of this family hellhole, so I’m getting a short-lease apartment and taking the kids with me. You can stay here and fantasize about your potato-peeling cabin boy.”

299. Mr. O’Malley
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

     281. One of the many many weird things about the Annie doppelganger story was that they were running AWAY from Nazis. In the old days they would have been running away from union organizers or health care workers or school teachers or other kinds of Communist scum. I don’t think Daddy Warbucks had any quarrel with Nazis until WWII started, if then.

     That plot was so stupid I really couldn’t keep reading it. At the beginning I wondered where it was going, but after a while I really didn’t care.

300. Frinkenstein
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

     #228, Non-Shannon:

     You state: “My dad has always told me that, had I been a male, he would’ve named me Ry Cooder. As in, y’know, Ry Cooder. Not sure if that could also be the circumstance leading to my conception, but I’m guessing so.

     I hope you’re not suggesting that your dad told you he was seduced by a “wry cooter.” If so, your dad’s awesome.

     I think “Blind Man in the Bleachers” was before my time. The worst “dead boyfriend/girlfriend/ sibling/ parent” song I know is the immortal “Run, Joey, Run.” I can’t remember if the song’s narrator’s dad hurt someone with his old shotgun, but I sure hope so.

301. stinky pete
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

     Venezuela

302. Dicky
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

     119, Dingo – How is that a gay version? Damn if the original Sound of Music isn’t utterly gay as it is. Hell, the last time I watched it was at the Hollywood Bowl in a sing-a-long showing. More gay men than you could shake a stick at.

     9 Chickweed Lane – How long have they been roommates? Admittedly they also dance together, but still… you’d want to know a little more about a person from whom you would be asking eggs and possibly a uterus. It’s sort of a big commitment still, isn’t it?

     Get Fuzzy – We so need a Chubby Huggs in real life.

303. Uncle Lumpy
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

     #297 Poteet -

     Ah, Poteet, you mean Charmian Carr (sic), who is — wait for it — “Forever Liesel.”

     She still works the sing-a-long Sound of Music circuit, and got a standing ovation last year at the Castro, from a houseful of men clad in leiderhosen and bad habits.

304. stinky pete
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

     300, referring to 294, that is…

305. macb
     March 13th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

     #89 Monkeyhawk:

     More songs about death:

     Lynyrd Skynyrd: “That Smell”; “Mr. Saturday Night Special”
     Rolling Stones: “Paint It Black”; “Sister Morphine”; “Dancin’ With Mr. D”; “Heartbreaker”; “Dead Flowers”
     Beatles: “Oh Dear What Can I Do”; “She Said She Said”; “Don’t Pass Me By”
     Shangri-Las: “Leader of the Pack”; “Never Go Home Anymore”
     Various Artists: “Stag-o-Lee” (also known as “Stagger Lee”)
     Jimi Hendrix Experience, The Leaves, other artists: “Hey Joe”
     Neil Young: “Down By The River”
     CSNY: “Ohio”
     I remember the appropriately-named Bloodrock’s hit “D.O.A.” in the early ’70s; that song creeped me out more than watching horror movies on TV. I’d have to sleep with the lights on and the radio playing comedy classics after hearing it.

306. Jamus The Bartender
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

     281.Bizarre is right Ike….i’m not sure of the big sister’s name right now either, but I just checked out some of the comics…and a lot of it seems to involve Big Daddy Warbucks et al travelling the world in a dirigible out of Jules Verne.

307. Poteet
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

     # 302 — Thanks, Uncle Lumpy. That website is, um, amazing. And the vision you’ve provided of all those hosen and habits is amazing too.

308. Uncle Lumpy
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

     I should mention that it’s “Liesl”, not “Liesel” as misspelled in my #302.

309. Uncle Lumpy
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

     And no “stuck in the Sixties” moment would be complete without mentioning Mary Badham, best known as Jean Louise “Scout” Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird.

     Ms. Badham does seem to have achieved better work/life balance than Ms. Carr, however.

310. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

     A few years ago, I attended the Sing Along Sound of Music at the Music Box Theatre in Chicago. The one thing that struck me that night, other than that the audience was very good at snarking, was that Maria never had ONE good word to say to Marta. I’m serious! Check out the movie again sometime. Every damn word she says to that girl is something negative.

     Oh, and it’s not Venezuela. Wrong continent.

311. Dingo
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

     Oh. My. Gawd. To paraphrase Fiona Apple, I’ve been a bad, bad man. I just finally played Red Sovine’s Teddy Bear while playing a game of internet Hearts. I was totally fine, with a look on my face like Bette Midler watching a childhood friend being eaten by pterodactyls, when it got to the part in the song where all the truckers are lined up for three blocks to take the “little crippled boy” for a spin around the block. It’s the line “You better believe I took my turn at ridin’ Teddy Bear” where I’m thankful I wasn’t sipping a soda.

     Gawd. That song is so… Patterson.

312. AAckTTpth
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

     “soricomorphic” – haha! That’s great.

     Big words are …uh… great, and Bill Watterson sums it up best in Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book:

     “Cumbersome words are funny to me, and I like Calvin’s ability to precisely articulate stupid ideas.”

313. blase
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

     Meanwhile, at Affect Advertising Agency, a marketing team has concluded that Mary Worth and Doctor Jeff would probably be more marketable if 30 years were subtracted from their ages. Enter the “new” actors who will portray these characters — “Vera” and “Ben”. (Note that Vera even has Mary’s wooden bent-arm gesture down pat.)

314. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
     March 13th, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

     I am a sick person – and I blame you. See, before I discovered The Comics Curmudgeon, I could go through my daily life without needing to snark at every last damned thing, without snickering at every use of the word roadside, without occasionally shouting “boxcar!” And without the sort of warped mind that, while I was taking a walk earlier this evening in our unseasonably warm weather, feels compelled upon seeing a sign on a church that says JESUS CAME FOR YOU to immediately formulate Dingo-esque interpretations of what that phrase might mean.

315. Plinko Commie
     March 14th, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]

     FOOB — April’s feeling bad about herself, she’s singing the woe-is-me sonata, and she’s PMSing over a questionable-for-a-second-grader insult from her 25-going-on-10 “big” sister. So guess who comes in to save the day? Guess? GUESS! GUESS OR I’LL EAT YOU!

     Do you wonder if there’s someone in that school even more profoundly retarded than Shan … non that keeps HER ego in check? Keeping in mind that Meredith is too young to go to school.

316. Randy S
     March 14th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

     Ok, am I to assume that the guy in the second panel of Monday’s Mary Worth was just some miscellaneous character walking by?
     If so, I think the cartoonist is getting positively tricky with the red herrings.
     Also, the contrived nature of the “joke” that “you’re not running from something, are you? Haha” (Tuesday) suggests some seriously heavy-handed foreshadowing there.

     In the meantime, the more I read MW, the more I’m convinced that the whole strip is some kind of sinister plot to steal our souls, where each plotline is an excruciatingly slow buildup that leads to nowhere at all.

     In short, Mary Worth sucks, it sucks more each day, and it will continue to suck forever and ever.

317. Uncle Lumpy
     March 14th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

     Mmm. Lascivious finger-quotin’ in today’s 9CL.

318. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
     March 14th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

     Following upon the adventure of June Morgan and her “garage cleaning,” we have John the Comic Book Guy in FW…who’s told that he can store his comics at Montoni’s Pizza (which, apparently, is the ground floor of his dungeonesque comics shop) until he “gets things cleaned up downstairs.”

     Those comics are going to be cluttering up the pizza place for quite a long time if they’re waiting on Comic Book Guy’s getting his downstairs cleaned up is all I got to say.

319. Uncle Lumpy
     March 14th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

     #318 Gadge -

     I dunno; Stumpy could go for the trifecta:

     1) make her pal (and her kid’s role model) John feel better
     2) validate her own attractiveness after a challenging pregnancy
     3) get back at the bastard what took her arm

     Just how dark can you go, Batiuk — just how dark?

320. Miss Priss
     March 14th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

     #318 & 319 I think Batiuk is going to burn down Montoni’s

321. Mr. O’Malley
     March 14th, 2007 at 1:12 am [Reply]

     320. Yeah, I think you’re right, Miss Priss. All those flammable comic books in a pizza oven… what else would you expect? Probably some horrible burns will be inflicted on people trying to save this or that—although luckily so far no one in this strip has a laptop with a horrible novel stored on it.

     And since Montoni’s is apparently the only private sector employer in Winkerbeanville, we can expect a major economic recession to set in. Young people, facing a future with no prospects of employment, will join the Armed Forces and soon find themselves playing video games in Iraq.

     Yes, if they made an animated series of this strip, my choice for theme song would be the Four Tops’ “Seven Rooms of Gloom”.

322. Jym Dyer
     March 14th, 2007 at 1:57 am [Reply]

     =47= (macb): Pbesity is what happens when you sit on your ass all day watching public television. No plugger is afflicted with it.

     =126= Archie (williethompson): Thanks for bringing the bad song thread back on-topic!

     =178= Foob (Plinko Commie): I’m still worried that the strip’s final months will be devoted to making April as bad as the rest of the family, but it’s been a mixed bag lately. Hard to tell where this is going …

     =179= Zippy (Foobar): It’s doing a reintro of the major characters, for what reason, I don’t know. A good time to let it sink in, which is the only way to approach it. A vital clue: Zippy and Griffy are contradictory aspects of the same person, namely creator Bill Griffith.

     =200= Little Orphan Annie (Josh): The strip’s creator was all about dull conservative bromides during the New Deal era. IMHO the strip’s progression to being completely nuts mirrors that of the conservative movement — though it ain’t caught up with the duck yet!

323. David C
     March 14th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

     Just by the by, Shady Shrew would be screwed either way, because trafficking in moon rocks is *itself* illegal under federal law!

324. Poteet
     March 14th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

     No one will ever read this, so I feel free to confess that I actually get a lump in my throat when I hear that insane song “Shannon” about a cremated dog. At least I think it was cremated. And I think it was a dog. Whatever it was, it’s “drifting out to sea.” And probably it’s a good thing that I hardly ever hear the song. I can’t imagine what format it fits into — Weenie FM?

325. schmoopy
     March 14th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

     Personally, I’m looking forward to the MW strip where she smugly looks on and basically says “You were asking for it — dressing all slutty like that.”

326. Retro Lad
     March 14th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

     So the head of the Affect Advertising Agency is named Ben — get it? Ben Affect! Just like the actor! With the blonde hair and the ass-grabbing and the hoyven klaven….

     Oh, wait, I’m thinking of Ben Aflac, that wise-ass duck who sounds like Gilbert Gottfried. Never mind…

327. ’Round the Wheel
     March 14th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

     MW: A newly confident, newly blonde David Schwimmer decides to hit on Vera. Lou Ferrigno looks on in disgust.

     Marmaduke: Marmaduke thinks he may have had a death ray attached to his tail, but seeks the counsel of the donut lady since the round things resemble donuts enough they might actually be donuts. Although he realizes she is only trying to be helpful, he still doubts her perspective.

328. Uncle Lumpy
     March 14th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

     #324 Poteet -

     By the immortal Henry Gross, which I know without even looking it up!

     I’m a total sucker for good choral work in pop songs – Beach Boys, Hollies (Air That I Breathe woo, hoo!), Tommy James and the f’n Shondells, fer Chrissake. So yeah, Shannon.

     BTW, I always understood the song to mean the dog liked to swim straight out from shore (”she always loved to swim awaaaaay. . . .) and one day went just a little too far. Kind of a canine Gattaca sort of thing.

329. Dynamite XI
     March 14th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

     I remember reading a Lewis Grizzard story about a girl named Oprylandria who got her name after being conceived at Opryland. But I’m not entirely sure if Grizzard was joking or not.

330. Poteet
     March 14th, 2007 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

     # 328 — Uncle Lumpy, I know you are just being realistic, but I am so traumatized at this moment that I can hardly type. Shannon the dog drowned? She DROWNED???!!! NOOOoooooooooooo…..

     Okay, I’m recovering enough to remember that the song says she’s “drifting” out to sea. Drifting, right? “Drifting” isn’t the usual image of a bloated dog corpse, right? “Drifting” kinda fits ashes better, right? So it’s at least conceivable that Shannon died a peaceful non-drowning death and they cremated her and then scattered her ashes onto the water she loved to swim in, right? And that’s why they are envisioning her maybe finding an island with a shady tree, instead of being totally traumatized themselves, right? Right?

     I hope you’ll understand why I’m going to cling to that interpretation until it is dragged away from me.

331. Len
     March 14th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

     #182 — The “Annie” strip is very weird. When did they start drawing Annie’s pupil-less eyes like lenses when seen sideways?

     And this insurgent, “Brahm” — maybe sounds to the ignorant like a Moslem name, but it’s not. The Koran and Bible-derived prophet Abraham is called “Ibrahim” in Arabic. “Brahm” is much more likely a Hindi form of the Sanskrit “Brahma” (the creator god of the Hindu pantheon).

     It’s very unlikly that an Islamo-terrorist would be named after Hindu deity — Hindus and Moslems don’t get along too well. Remember the partition of Pakistan from India?

332. Uncle Lumpy
     March 14th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

     #330 Poteet -

     Let the dragging commence:

     From One More Tomorrow: The Best of Henry Gross, Paradise MusicWerks, 2005; Track 3, “Shannon” -

     Another day is at end
     Mama says she’s tired again
     No one can even begin to tell her.

     I hardly know what to say
     But maybe it’s better that way
     If Papa were here, I’m sure he’d tell her

     Shannon is gone (ah, oh) she’s driftin’ out to sea
     She always loved to swim away
     Maybe she’ll find an island where there’s shade and trees
     Just like the one our backyard.

     Mama tries hard to pretend
     Things will get better again
     Somehow she’s keeping it all inside her

     But finally the tears fill our eyes
     And I know that somewhere tonight
     She knows how much we really miss her

     Shannon is gone (ah, oh) she’s driftin’ out to sea
     She always loved to swim away
     Maybe she’ll find an island where there’s shade and trees
     Just like the one our backyard.

     Just like the one in our backyard.

     (Lovely final chorus)

     The cover art on the album features a dog. A wet, wet, dog. (OK, I’m making that part up.)

333. Uncle Lumpy
     March 14th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

     One last thing -

     Poteet, don’t buy that album – I’ve been listening to it on Rhapsody, and it’s really, really gruesome except for that one track.

334. Poteet
     March 15th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

     # 333 — Uncle Lumpy, umm…ummm…maybe Mama is suffering from Alzheimer’s and she thinks Shannon is still around because she’s living in the past and she FORGOT that Shannon died and was cremated and had her ashes scattered on the water?

     I’m tellin’ you, Uncle Lumpy, I cannot deal with the alternative. When dogs swim away, they are supposed to come back! They DO come back! Cling, cling, cling, cling, cling….

335. SuzanneTangerine
     March 17th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

     I must point out how cruel it is to refer to Frank under the inaccurate heading of “common people.” I believe the correct term is “member of the Great Unwashed.”

336. Omnywrench
     June 4th, 2007 at 3:57 am [Reply]

     In all honesty, I wouldn’t want to eat a donut that’s been near a dog’s butt.

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