Mary Worth, 7/27/14
Hmm, just the other day Mark Trail was giving out relationship advice, and here’s Mary pulling a drowning victim to safety. Ian Cameron better watch his beard, is what I’m saying.
Funky Winkerbean (rotated), 7/27/14
Starbuck Jones rescues Broadway and film legend Carol Channing from a series of late-career guest appearances in cheesy sitcoms: “Raaaaaaaaaaaaspberries!”
This is over now, right?
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/27/14
You can almost hear them cackle over at Rex Morgan headquarters: “So you’ve had enough of SARAH, have you, faithful readers? Well here’s an academic politics story for you – and Rex as the voice of reason! SOON YOU WILL BEG FOR SARAH.”
Well, that’s it for me. Thanks for a fun couple weeks — see you again in late August as we follow along the Great Josh and Amber Westward Migration. Josh himself will be back Monday with special-edition Comments of the Two Weeks, a detailed critique of Mary’s figure as revealed by her soaking-wet nightgown, and all the usual succulent Joshy goodness. ‘Bye!
– Uncle Lumpy
Sally Forth, 7/26/14
It’s lonely being strange. Boyfriend Jon showed Hilary a way to escape the refuge and isolation of her family, leaving Sally to consider whether a life of surrealist Monopoly games, chocolate bunny ears, thwarted Paris vacations, and the Star Wars Holiday Special would be enough to sustain her, even if they did come with the love of a good — well, let’s go with “man.”
So she coaxed Ted to the neighborhood barbeque, even though parties are minefields for them — over the years, they have managed to offend the few neighbors whose names they know, share none of their interests or experiences, and always wind up in a corner numbly wisecracking to one another, trying not to drink too much and sneaking looks at the time.
Neighbor Tom Racine, a sensitive host and a decent man, sees, understands, and deftly relieves their discomfort, leaving Sally in stunned gratitude for the three seconds it takes Ted to fuck it all up.
Herb and Jamaal, 7/26/14
Herb congratulates himself for a jerk tactic that hasn’t worked in all of history.
The Perfessor’s butt is so big OSHA makes him wear a vehicle motion alarm.
Has anybody else seen A Thousand Clowns
? What I mean is, I think Sally Forth
is A Thousand Clowns
, which means Sally herself is Barbara Harris and I need to rethink my life.
– Uncle Lumpy
It’s true! Take a look:
Ed Crankshaft: democracy’s downside.
Curtis wishes he could mass-murder these helpless animals, by neglecting them.
Likkered up on palm wine, the Phantom prepares to give Chatu a savage, untraceable beat-down.
Edge City, 7/25/14
Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin and husband Len are only ever one minor inconvenience away from tearing each other apart — beneath the merest tissue of propriety and shame, they are the Lockhorns. Let’s watch as their terror of Nature’s implacable power drives them to consume one another in acts of savagery. Hey, maybe we could pop some corn and make an evening of it!
Six Chix, 7/25/14
It’s funny because … Oh what am I even saying it’s not funny at all.
Once again, no Comments of the Week on my watch. However, Novelist Joshua Fruhlinger will be back with a big steamin’ batch of them plus lots more comics fun on Monday.
– Uncle Lumpy