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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/19/22

Say what you will about the glacial pacing and low stakes of Rex Morgan, M.D., but the art in today’s strip really nails the facial expression any of us would have if a chatty stranger’s opening gambit on a multi-hour flight was “Wow, I’m sure sittin’ a lot closer to you that any of use would like, huh????” Unfortunately I fear the rest of the week will continue with this narrative vérité and really make us feel every moment of a conversation we don’t want to have but can’t escape.

Mary Worth, 9/19/22

Oh, you say you’re sick of strips about Dawn’s love life? How about strips about Mary and Jeff’s love life, huh? How about that? I actually do prefer these kinds of strips because whenever we revisit this couple’s relationship status, it’s always because Jeff is abruptly leaving town to fix cleft palates in developing countries or Mary is rejecting Jeff’s marriage proposals, so I say: BRING IT ON.

Marvin, 9/19/22

Wow, big news! The comic strip Marvin has finally come up with a recurring character trait for Jeff beyond “hates his son” and “hates his in-laws” and “not a big fan of his wife,” and it’s “loves the Baja Men.”

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Judge Parker, 9/18/22

Oh, hey, you all remember Marie, the longtime Spencer-Driver maid who, back in 2019, found out her husband faked his death because he was in too deep to the mob, which led to her quitting her job as a maid and “going to grad school” (e.g., hanging out on a beach with some hunk) but then just a few weeks later Abbey tricked her into running her AirBNB? You’d think that the AirBNB burning down would’ve been a great excuse for Marie to skip town again, but Abbey has managed to browbeat her into keeping her company, and, well, I’m not saying she’s back working for Abbey again, but she is jogging a respectful distance behind her while desperately trying to calibrate exactly what she says in order to validate Abbey emotionally, so I hope she’s geting paid something.

Mary Worth, 9/18/22

Ha ha, yes, this is perfect: All the Mary Worth regulars talking themself into believing that romantic failure is good, actually, while the two off-putting guest stars are about to fingerbang to Jeopardy! Truly could not ask for a better end to this storyline. (Please, please, let this be the end of this storyline.)

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Beetle Bailey, 9/17/22

God, I legitimately love this Beetle Bailey. Look at how absolutely miserable Halftrack is in that second panel! Golf is the thing he does for fun, on his day off, and he’s played miserably all day and it wasn’t fun at all and he hates it. Now he’s going to drink a mason jar full of whiskey and get blackout drunk. It’s perfect, no notes.

Crankshaft, 9/17/22

Oh hey, uh, why exactly is Crankshaft tagging along on this theater-buying expedition, exactly? Does he think they can’t do the strip without him? Did he get wind of Dennis getting pushed out of his own strip even though his name is on it? “I’m not going out like Barney Google,” he thinks to himself. “I’m gonna do a labored pun, or at least a smirk, in every one of these stupid strips. I’m the brand!”

Judge Parker, 9/17/22

Big news everybody! Remember Steve, the heroic double-amputee war vet who was Sam’s law partner for a while before running off with their legal secretary Gloria back in 2014? Well, he’s back, which is probably … exciting in some way? For the real Parker trufans? I don’t actually remember Steve being particularly interesting, but maybe he’ll shake things up in the current iteration of the strip, after he and Sam finish this elaborate social dance of mutual blame over the next six to eight weeks.