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129

Gridiron mysteries!!!!

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Gil Thorp, 10/14/19

Well, well, well, looks like we’ve hit the part of this Gil Thorp storyline where the threads we’ve been following to this point weave together to form a seamless narrative whole. In this case we’ve got “Charlie’s overbearing stepdad will help his football prospects whether Charlie wants his help or not” and “what exactly is the deal with the mysterious elder sophomore Chance Macy, anyway,” and the connection is that Chance is a sophomore star and Charlie, a junior, is his backup, and Charlie’s stepdad is going solve the mystery and leave Chance discredited to clear the path for his not-as-good-at-football stepson. Chance lives with his grandparents and there have been some hints that he has some kind of temper (just like that transfer baseball student from a couple years back), and today we learn that Chance and Charlie are apparently the same age despite Chance now being a year behind. I think the answer is clear: Chance murdered his parents in a fit of rage, which is why he’s being raised by his grandparents and also that’s the sort of thing that’ll get you held back a year, probably. Now we’ll find out if Milford can stomach the prospect of winning a championship with a murderous running back! (The answer is clearly yes.)

Hi and Lois, 10/14/19

“I’m glad these helpful informational screens are built into this gas pump,” she continued, speaking loudly enough for any hidden microphones to hear. “It’s good that we’re being bombarded with celebrity gossip 24 hours a day! I don’t like thinking about bad news! I’m very happy!”

152

Sunday is for body horror

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Dick Tracy, 10/13/19

Good on Dick Tracy for raising awareness about this strange cancer cluster, but, uh, it’s weird that this epidemiological problem is being treated as a crime that Dick and the MCU can crack if they just get the right clue or lead from a concerned citizen! I guess if this leads to Dick gunning down the CEO of a polluting chemical company whose head is shaped like a benzene molecule, I can’t complain.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/13/19

Not sure which wizened fortune-telling crone I managed to annoy enough that now I’m cursed to be the guy who has to report on it when a syndicated newspaper comic, formerly the most family-friendly form of mass-produced entertainment out there, does a joke about piss stuff, but anyway, here’s a Mother Goose and Grimm where there’s just, like, a big puddle of yellow piss, right where God and everyone can see it, and I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, it’s dog piss, that’s not so bad,” but I dunno, man, the dog can talk. He can talk, you know? I think if you know how to talk you should be able to piss in a toilet. Just my take.

132

Wasted youth

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Dustin, 10/12/19

I’ve decided that the key to enjoying Dustin is to ignore its ostensible “hook” as a comic about the generational friction between millennials and boomers, because in that frame it comes off as an annoying exercise in shitting on young people in general; instead, I’m just going to treat it as the story of one particular millennial, the title character, who pretty much sucks ass. With that mindset, today’s strip, in which an grown adult is playing catch with a child to whom he’s not related, and then his mother comes by and humiliates him in front of that child, is particularly enjoyable.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/12/19

You ever notice how in the original, funny Funky Winkerbean strips, there’s lots of silly, overblown conflict, but in the current, depressing iteration of the strip, everyone is for the most part very tender with one another, maybe passive aggressive at worst? I guess living with the spectre of death looming over you at all times really does improve your behavior.