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Hi and Lois, 11/22/20

Hey, I get where Hi is coming from here! All of these strips have their gimmicks: wacky relatable Vikings, a sassy cat, children let loose in a world without any apparent adult intervention. Even Blondie and Family Circus, which are both more grounded “family” strips, feature heightened, exaggerated characters, each with their own set of recognizable tics. But Hi, and Hi’s world? Well, he’s just a regular middle-class guy living with regular people in regular American suburbia. There are no strict limits on his behavior but no simple prompts to action either — in other words, he can do pretty much anything, but has to choose on his own to do it, which is terrifying. In that sense, his dilemma is the most relatable on the comics page.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/22/20

Sorry, did that get a little Too Real? Well, here are some unlikeable Funky Winkerbean characters (BUT I REPEAT MYSELF! [rimshot]) making puns at each other. The throwaway panels at the top are actually crucial to today’s strip: without them, it looks like Harry is the only one doing irritating wordplay, but when we see the full picture we understand that we’re witnessing interlocked acts of mutual ongoing passive aggression.

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Marvin, 11/21/20

I have to say, I really assumed that Marvin would quickly lose interest in Finn and Gill, the goldfish who hate Marvin, hate each other, and hate themselves, and would fall back into its easy rhythm of jokes about how babies — get this — aren’t toilet trained and almost seem to take a certain joy in pooping themselves. But obviously the narrative appeal of two goldfish who are condemned to spend the rest of their miserable lives with one another is impossible to resist. I was going to say “short, miserable lives” but a little Googling reveals that goldfish when well cared for can live longer than a decade, and anyway Marvin’s been a baby since 1982, so who knows how much longer these guys have to suffer with one another! They’re definitely going to be suffering a lot more once the Marvin crew realizes that fish just poop in their own bowl and then swim around in their own poop until someone cleans it out, which doesn’t strike me as something that’d be a particularly high priority for Marvin’s feckless family.

Mary Worth, 11/21/20

“I know your issues with family addiction and my own drug-using past make you nervous, baby, but let me assure you: you’re my drug now, and you’re the one I’ll do anything to possess, no matter who tries to stop me” –an email from a very smart and self-aware person who definitely is not going to be disappointed

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Whoa check it out everybody, it’s this week’s top comment!

“Jeffy may gripe about the ninth plague, but he’ll be ecstatic when the tenth arrives.” –Lt. Kije

And some funny runners up? Absolutely.

“Didn’t many species of dinosaurs have extremely short arms? It makes sense that they couldn’t possibly survive multiple asteroids landing on Earth, but it seems just as unlikely that they could win a game of basketball.” –BigTed

“How did the Parson get so much money from a dirt-poor community? Well, he’s using covid as a threat. ‘We’ll put the collection basket on this long stick,’ he told his congregation, ‘but if we don’t collect enough money, next week the stick gets shorter.’” –Ace

“Cut to: Parson Tuttle forlornly eating money.” –Joe Blevins

Which color blazer goes best with a hot pink bowler hat and muay thai shorts? Doesn’t matter, because the bride and groom already made the most important decision for a pleasant wedding ceremony: not inviting Slylock Fox.” –jroggs

“Smash cut to 32-year-old Dennis struggling to get his drivers license out of his piggy bank to hand to the cop.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Slylock knows that a guy who eats cheese in bed is guaranteed to get stains on his white coat, possibly before the ceremony even starts.” –Bill L

“Sam Catchem throwing out an enthusiastic ‘Nice’ to look smart in front of Tracy, before admitting to himself he has no idea what Lt. Gizmo actually said, and therefore having to follow up with a sheepish ‘So, that means…’ is heartbreakingly relatable. Dick Tracy: Come for the grotesque physical violence, stay for the emotional self-flagellation!” –Doctor Moreau

“How come we just now hear about his work with kids? I’m sorry Tommy, but just hanging around a playground trying to sell weed is not a recognized charity.” –Maltmash3r

Bird Lady’s expression speaks volumes. ‘It’s another bit,’ she moans internally. ‘Everything’s a fucking bit around here! There’s not a single unironic utterance to be heard! Goodness knows I try to be a decent person, but I must have done something pretty terrible to be condemned to live in a town of sad-sack amateur comedians.’” –Urlance Woolsbane

“It’s happened! Another victim of Mary’s notorious Slouching Sofa. Now it will be a long battle before Tommy can sit up straight again.” –Arabella

“Masterful meddle by Mary here, convincing Tommy to volunteer more as penance for a thing he didn’t do. ‘Yes, Tommy, you resisted the offer of drugs immediately and forcefully, but then again, she did still leave you, didn’t she? If only you had done more, perhaps you would have earned some small happiness.’” –BananaSam

“Well one good thing about Tommy, he won’t make the world of drug dealing seem interesting.” –N.L. Urker, the Phillips screwdriver of the gods

“[a month later] What do you think, you kids know how I can get Brandy to take me back?” –Dan

“BROKE: Pets have no conception of the different days of the week
WOKE: In the COVID era and the month-long election night, humans have no conception of the different days of the week” –Ettorre

“Can’t wait for tomorrow’s strip, which deals with Sourpuss’ love of fettuccine.” –Pozzo

“When Jeffy gazes into the abyss, the abyss gazes somewhere else, because the kid is freaky looking.” –Voshkod

“Dagwood cuts the tip off the cornucopia and uses it as a funnel to get all that crap in his gullet as quickly as possible.” –nescio

“You know how that guy in The Princess Bride found out about that incredibly deadly fictional poison and slowly built up his immunity until it had no effect on him? Dagwood has been doing the same thing with vibrio infections.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Man, that kid is just going to town on that bag that was full of … well, eggs and baking powder. I feel like however hungry they might be, they are going to regret it.” –pachoo

“Yes, despite his youth, Elmo’s mastery of Latin has progressed to the fourth declension. By next week, a discussion of res extensa will lead to Dagwood consuming an extremely large sub.” –Nekrotzar

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