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Folks! It’s time for your comment! Of! The week!

“Eve is putting on a masterclass in acting here. The leap from ‘There’s got to be a way to escape from Screaming Young J. Jonah Jameson, and I’ve just got to think of it, THINK!’ in panel one to the expansive ‘What the HELL, dog?!? Are you getting SHOT?’ in the exciting denouement is downright Streep-ian.” –Vice President John Adams

Also? Time for your hilarious runners up!

“So in Slylock’s world an Instagram video of birds bathing counts as pornography, right?” –nescio

“I’m particularly drawn to Max throwing up deuces and taking a selfie, at Harry’s place, when the reason everyone has phones out is to watch Harry’s video and not do their own thing. I have to imagine Max sees this as his ticket to build his own #brand and escape Slylock’s shadow.” –Morgan Wick

Feels like I’m fergittin sumpin. But what? Did I fergit to mark this deck? Did I fergit t’hide an ace up my sleeve? Did I fergit to call the boys and tell em to hit this game at se’en thirty with ski masks and Mossbergs? Did I fergit to call them other boys to meet us afterwards and exchange this here poker money for central ‘Merican narcotics? Did I fergit to call the Sher’ff to hit the meet so he can arrest everyone else, confiscate the money and drugs, and then split them with me? Did I fergit to set up the cam’ra so’s I can git blackmail evidence on the Sher’ff so he’ll be in my hip pocket till we’re both dead? Oh, Snuffy, you ol’ rascal, if you keep playing the game five moves ahead, you’re gunna miss the moments right in front o’ you.” –jroggs

How did Slylock figure it out? He turned the phone over to the tech boys, who checked locational data and metadata, easily placing the ape at the bank. Then they wrote up a report for the fox, who asked them to dumb it down a bit for him, so they rewrote it, and the fox finally got it. The fox claimed credit for everything with the prosecutor, as always, and got all the publicity, while the tech boys sat in their lonely basement office playing Minecraft.” –Voshkod

Taking care of something else helps us forget that we’re just insignificant specs of dust, hurtling through space at millions of miles per hour, without a defined purpose!” –Ace

A broken heart doesn’t matter if it’s ‘Choc-Lit’, the great new literary genre that’s just long detailed descriptions of people consuming chocolate. It’s not porn, but it’s not not-porn, if you know what I mean.” –pugfuggly

“There are many ways to draw two small children whose mouths are stained with chocolate. All are wrong. Making them look like they have three-day stubble is one of the more wrong ones.” –matt w

“I don’t care if you’re from Lawrence, Kansas — if you’re a doctor, you’re not a plugger! What’s next? Plugger software engineers? Plugger ad execs? Plugger hedge fund managers? Will we learn that the plugger private jet is when you’re the only person in first class on your red-eye flight into Silicon Valley?” –Schroduck

“Oh, yeah, and later Max ate him while he slept, so it’s all good.” –Pozzo

“Why does he look so worried? Go for it, man! Go get that shred of pork meat! Don’t live in fear anymore, running your tongue repeatedly over the gristly abomination stuck in your bicuspids, wondering if pigs really are smarter than dogs, wondering how you can live with yourself, turning yourself into a great big bundle of guilt and nerves. Just pick out that flesh particle. Pick it out and swallow it again, in fact, because you are one carnivorous son of a bitch!” –made of wince

“I don’t appreciate Mister Wilson’s gaze being directed at the reader in this panel. It feels like he’s inviting me into his weird power play with a literal child, and I honestly want no part of that.” –Seb

Shoe, still running about ten years behind, reminds us of the Golden Era when our government possessed the dignity and grace of clowns.” –Dread

“Well, in Dick Tracy’s defense, it is money, and it is in the dirt, so, technically…” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Dennis is the perfect mascot for the fossil fuel industry’s fight against climate change legislation. ‘Why should we save the future for a bunch of little shits like this?’” –DevOpsDad

“Having spent the last ten days dealing with outdoor temps that ranged from seventeen below to eight above, F, I see Dick’s light coat and lack of gloves and no scarf or ear protection, and my first thought is ‘dimwit.’ But then I look at that chin and realize that he’s just tougher than the average detective. Not smarter, but tougher.” –Poteet

“It’s understandable to be confused, I think this it the first time Thel has spoken since, like, 1973? Somewhere in there, Nixon was definitely president.” –Dan

No one’s carrying you? Not even Jesus? Has that motivational poster been deceiving us this whole time?” –Duke of Early Grey

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Family Circus, 2/19/21

I’m not too proud to admit that I’m extremely terrified of my brain slowly (or perhaps not so slowly) dulling as I age, and so when I’m confronted with something like today’s Family Circus, which like all Family Ciruses seems simple enough but which today I nevertheless cannot quite parse — well, I start to worry. Like, Jeffy’s “too” implies that he’s reacting to something, but what exactly? Ma Keane telling him that she can’t carry him because she’s tired? But the “nobody is carrying ME” part would only make sense if someone was carrying her. Does he want to be carried like the boxes from her shopping trip? Does … does Jeffy think the boxes are tired? Anyway, all that aside, you know I enjoy a good Jeffy meltdown, and I like the composition of the panel, with Jeffy kind of hidden from the hustle and bustle of the street by this wall. Nobody can see him, Thel. You could just start walking away, and then keep walking. Nobody would ever know. Nobody would ever know.

[UPDATE: ah ha yes Thel is the one delivering the line, actually, the puddingification of my brain is proceeding apace]

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/19/21

So after Buck binged on fast food and had to do some mild exercise to fix his blood sugar, and then he got very mildly and passive-aggressively sassed by his nutritionist, he seems to have resigned himself to his fate. And, look, I slag on Buck a lot here, because I consider him unlikeable and irritating, but that said I find his current predicament extremely relatable! I don’t have a great diet and I like greasy fried food in (what I tell myself is) moderation, and so I truly feel the pathos in his facial expression in panel one as he contemplates what might constitute a “tasty diabetic-friendly chicken recipe” and whether a swift death as he rides the high of an insulin spike would be preferable.

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Dick Tracy, 2/18/21

I just kind of assumed that, as a high-ranking detective in the Major Crimes Unit, Dick Tracy was, if not living on easy street, then at least financially comfortable. But today we learn that he’s so short of cash that he’s been reduced to using leftover Chinese food for gambling purposes, and thinks a single dollar bill represents “pay dirt.” Truly sad that those snitches in Internal Affairs say you’re not allowed to put stuff from the evidence locker up for auction on the dark web anymore!

Six Chix, 2/18/21

I … guess this is a riff on the “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast” bit in the beloved 1996 Adam Sandler film Happy Gilmore? Except that cats really do eat fish, and it isn’t gross at all or embarrassing for the cat say that? I suppose if Six Chix were going to do a strip where the entire joke was substituting the word “fish” for the word “shit” because they sound vaguely alike, they could’ve made it a lot more disgusting than this, so let’s count our blessings.

Dennis the Menace, 2/18/21

Dennis has a plan for rising sea levels in the wake of melting ice caps, everyone: he’s gonna climb this tree! It’s not a plan with a lot of thought towards next steps or long term consequences, but it is a plan nevertheless.