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Crock, 9/17/23

I’m going to choose to believe that this strip is one where the Crock creative team retained a flicker of memory that this strip is in fact supposed to take place in French-ruled early 20th century North Africa. Yeah, this guy’s a true Parisian scumbag, probably picked up one too many times by les flics and given the choice of either going to jail or joining the Legion and being shipped off the colonies. He promptly washed out of the Legion, his behavior too erratic and aggressive even for them, and ended up here, drunk in the back room of a broken down clothing store on the edge of the empire. He may be “Roy,” but believe me, he’s no king.

Gasoline Alley, 9/17/23

Ahh, a heartwarming meeting between two beloved characters in this century-old strip. “Hey, Uncle Walt! Heard you haven’t moved in a while. You dead?” “Nope!” Great! Well, see ya!”

Mary Worth, 9/17/23

Finally

The Saul-Eve story is over

and

The Ass™ has arrived

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/16/23

Shoutout to Rex Morgan, which, when its armed kidnapping plot rapidly devolved into discussions about the easiest way to transfer money, decided to keep digging and get into a whole thing about ordering room service. “I’m armed, remember?” says Rene, in a desperate attempt to drag the excitement level back up, but nobody’s listening, nobody cares.

Gil Thorp, 9/16/23

Shoutout to Gil Thorp for just having Gil deliver pure unadulterated gnomic bullshit directly to the cameras. “We just need to refocus … I have a feeling this is going to be a long season,” he intones, transfixing readers at home with an eerie Kubrick stare. You don’t need to go so hard, Gil, it’s only week one of the season!

Pluggers, 9/16/23

Wait, is Pluggers implying that a thing that we had in the past and no longer have might’ve been less than perfect? UNACCEPTABLE, BURN THE HERETIC

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I don’t really know what that post title is supposed to mean either, except that it’s time for your comment of the week!

“Loretta forgot the number one rule of being a Lockhorn: points can only be scored in the moment with a single barb. Long games, like hanging up a banner in the hopes Leroy will remember that he forgot your anniversary, will never get you anywhere. Step it up, girl! Leroy never remembers anything unless he can use it against you! He’s used cheap beer to scour his hippocampus to a fine sheen, becoming a creature of pure id! This isn’t Judge Parker, whose characters can occasionally be induced to feel shame!” –Navigator

And your very funny runners up!

“My guess: the Gasoline Alley team discovered that there is a hamlet named Mosquitoville, Vermont, and said, ‘That’s gold! How can we use this?’ Sad that this was the best they could do.” –Pozzo

“The modern comics pages are full of anachronisms to help make Boomers feel that time hasn’t passed them by, but I refuse to think that even they believe that anyone still sends letters through the mail anymore, even to … advice hobos?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“How many accountants? I have to steal a car with a bigger trunk!” –Little Guy

“Dennis has forsaken High Church Anglicanism for a more evangelical service at the feet of … former congressman Harold Ford Jr? … as his homage to the Heroes of 9/11. I guess?” –bad wolf

“So in Pardon My Planet, the people in Heaven are still miserable? That checks.” –nescio

“I sure hope Saul doesn’t plan to throw away his collection of antimacassars. Those things are worse than six-pack plastic rings when it comes to entangling birds and wildlife.” –Charterstoned

“Have you ever thought about heaven? You’re up on clouds, man. So much closer to the sun! Think of how hot that’s gonna be! So come on down to Crazy Carl’s Cryo Lab! We’ll freeze your head for $99.95! An eternity of cool head comfort or for however long the freezer in Carl’s garage lasts and remains unknown to the local authorities!” –Old Man Shadow

“Sprocket Nitrate has wisely decided to make her escape, having realized that her gimmick (walking around barefoot, and being named ‘Sprocket Nitrate’) is not enough to give her rogue’s gallery immunity but just enough to greatly increase the chances of a painful and ironic death, possibly through tetanus.” –TheDiva

“It’s not so much they are eating orange goo, but the quantity Loretta prepared. There will be anniversaries of these leftovers, Leroy.” –Kevin On Earth

“‘I want a hanging sign that reads Happy Anniversary. ‘No problem. Here at Party City we have dozens! Shiny gold or silver, festive red, rainbow, what color do you want?’ ‘Black. Matte black. Funereal matte black.’ ‘Uh … looks like we’re out of stock! Try Goth Gala, two doors over.'” –Voshkod

“I am totally looking forward to learning the email address associated with Rene’s Venmo!” –taig

“Own it Elmo! Time to show that you are too cool for school. Go buy some booze and smokes, and, flash that mustachioed Elmo photo. Just say you shaved it off because it was itchy!” –tallyHO

“Leroy is using ‘she means well’ as a devastating insult. Yet more confirmation that the Lockhorns are Jewish, on Erev Rosh Hashanah yet. Have we not suffered enough?” –Matt Weiner, on Bluesky

“I like how the box it came in doesn’t look like it’s giftwrapped, but more like it’s warning that it is carrying dangerous contents. So maybe the joke is actually ‘polonium.’” –pugfuggly

“I love love love that Saul’s computer desk is a little dinner trolley with handles. ‘Hmm, methinks I shall partake of some internet. Garçon, the laptop, if you please. And a smartphone for the lady.’” –Schroduck

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