“If you fashion a chunk of flesh into a car, the ghost will be forced to possess the vehicle and compel it to move. On the one hand, it’s an atrocity to capture an immortal soul and bind it to labour for all eternity. On the other hand, it’s good for the environment.” –Schroduck
“Oh, just dump some dead leaves on the grill and burn them, Hi. No one will mind! Have a leaf huffing party. Definitely invite Thirsty.” –made of wince
“People will gossip about things they don’t comprehend, like me being attracted to a woman over 50. Speaking of which, I see you have a birthday coming up, but never mind that.” –Taylor Handsome
“The butcher explaining that this ham is haunted leads me to believe he’s the one who sold it to Heathcliff after the cat came in and nonverbally asked for meat so infested with the spirits of the dead it could be used as a means of self-propelled transportation. Heathcliff wanting such a whimsical thing is par for the course, but the fact that the butcher was able to provide it makes me think his MEAT store is hiding some dark secrets. What other unnatural flesh does he have in the back of his shop, where his normal customers can’t see it? Possessed pork? Ghostly guanciale?” –Vulpes
“The Rex Morgan narration box asked ‘Who shall we drop in on next?’ and then didn’t wait for an answer. Rude.” –matt w
“Pluggers regret so many of their life choices; this is simply one of them.” –TheDiva
“Ah, yes, two children running their Halloween algorithms on a tablet. Alboorithms? Alghostrithms! Anyhow, normal kid behavior! Happy Halloween!” –Victor Von
“Was it that obvious? I was hoping for a circular conversation that went nowhere for a couple of hours while we all got frustrated and eventually agreed to just go our separate ways so we can justify a bad review on Yelp.” –Anonymous
“‘Was it that obvious?’ Yes, you are in a legacy strip, jokes need to be spelled out or they won’t work (they don’t work anyway)!” –Ettorre
“I was about to comment that Superman on the shelf there has a horrifically broken humerus, until I realized that there’s no S on the chest insignia. Rather, there’s a C, possibly for Calcium Deficiency Man. But on closer inspection, the shopkeeper’s arms are equally mangled. So this is just a world where the majority of the population suffers from arm-rickets, I suppose.” –Lauralot
“The comics today gave us a glimpse of Dustin’s dad’s nipple, and the angry mob will be convening at noon. I have a few torches and a couple of extra pitchforks for anyone who needs them.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“Imagination, child? Oh, yes, we have items that run on imagination, belief, awe, and terror. Toys that will raise your soul to the heights of Paradise and the depths of the Abyss. Toys of wonder and delight and shock and depravity. Are you ready, child? Truly ready? Then I present you with this … fidget spinner. Now get the fuck out of my store.” –Voshkod
“You want to talk about truly amazing technology, Dag? Your own wife has a robot clone of herself capable of pretending to converse with you. It comes preloaded with phrases like ‘I’ll say!’ and ‘Don’t get ahead of yourself, dear.’” –Joe Blevins
“Mary will stop at nothing in her quest to find the rumor-spreader at Charterstone — including walking into Dawn’s bedroom unannounced. Hey, lady, get a warrant.” –TK
“‘Bring Your Own Booze?’ ‘No. Birds You Ogle Briefly.’” –Bob Tice
“How can you not be impressed by the utter genius of Mary Worth? Not only did they throw another long, drawn-out, utterly boring storyline with a stubby, dissatisfying resolution right in our faces, but now they’re making us sit through it again — backwards!” –Boomer
“I like to imagine that these quotes pop into Rev. Croom’s head in the form of one of those scrolling electronic sign boards. He has no control over it, might as well just sit back and enjoy the show!” –Peanut Gallery
“Hope Mary likes 20 minutes of Tommy looking thoughtful and going, ‘Let’s see … I know it was from a … person. They had eyes, and … I think hands. No, they had hands. I’m pretty sure.’” –Dan
“Where did you hear that false rumor, Tommy? I repeat — false rumor. No, I’m not worried about the true one, Mr. Allora and I find it titillating to hear the speculations about our activities. It spices things up.” –CanuckDownSouth
“Smokey is still capable of whacking potential meals with his shovel and pureeing them into smoothies, a fact that mockers would do well to remember.” –MKay
“The onesie may say ‘clown,’ but the hat shrieks ‘hobo.’ And I suppose the mask adds subtle hints of crazed supervillain. With such mismatched accoutrements, it is clear that Jeffy, as usual, doesn’t know what day it is and is just blurting out guesses.” –But What Do I Know?
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