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I’m not going to make any more 4/20 jokes, because it should be obvious to everyone that I’m extremely square, but here, this is your comment of the week and it’s funny:

“Iris may have moved on, but Wilbur can still drink from the ‘DAT ASS’ mug she gave him.” –nescio

And here are your hilarious runners up!

“These two wouldn’t be the first starry-eyed Hollywood writers to base their careers around cliches they learned from a 1980s movie about starry-eyed Hollywood writers, but they’re probably the first non-prostitutes whose vanity license plate will be read by others as as ‘TUB-RUB.’” –BigTed

“Is ‘[getting] their fingerprints on the brass ring‘ a euphemism for suicide?” –Damien

Panel number two is an exact replicate of the Showerhead-Wilburhead panel used in the strip two Sundays ago. Over the next few weeks this repetition will become more and more frequent, until the strip is nothing but a forever repeating image of Wilbur taking a shower, page after page, the image cut and pasted continuously by the Russian bot that slowly took over Mary Worth using information gleaned from the settings on Karen Moy’s Facebook account. The future is going to suck even harder than we thought it would.” –Hopester

“Sly just happened to catch Weirdly’s show? Or was Sly trying to learn why TERRIBLE TV regularly trounces The Sleuth Network (proud producer of Sly’s reality show Fox You)?” –Hogenmogen

“Considering Wilbur dumped his ex so work would pay for him to travel the world and date hot Brazilian dancers, his moist showery ennui is extra delicious. ‘I’ve lived and seen more than a hundred other men but the ex-girlfriend I never really liked is dating again and therefore life is a bleak pointless existence broken only by shoe shopping and bathtime.’” –Escape Zeppelin

“Only a true monster would use a mixed metaphor like ‘ferret out a king-size scoop.’ That is a mixed metaphor, right? ‘Cause I’m sitting here trying to picture a ferret holding a gigantic scoop in its little forepaws. Actually, that’s adorable. Jameson, all is forgiven.” –Joe Blevins

“Knife-throwing on the beach by a guy with no depth perception? Nope, I don’t see a downside.” –Pozzo

“I was working on a riff on how they have him chained to the easel and he can’t eat or go to the bathroom until he meets his quota. But, it’s all there in the text. The retired old man wants to take a break in order to attend the wedding of the dullest couple in the universe, but he can’t because exploiting the old man’s work is making his son and the dull couple rich and they need to work him day and night to squeeze as much out of him as possible before he dies.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“The real triumph here is that no one who draws this has ever seen or held a phone.” –Dani Roach, on Facebook

I have some bad news. Your dressing gown cuff is trailing in your breakfast, and you’ve got egg all down your sleeve. And is that a Pop Tart? Are you just eating Pop Tarts, fried eggs and bacon for breakfast? Have some self-respect, man! Oh yeah, and we’re pivoting to video, you’re fired, bye.” –Schroduck

“Mrs. Mitchell seems to be the one with a medical problem. Irritable bowel? Weak bladder? The sudden collapse of several vertebrae? She certainly needs the doctor to *winkwink* check her out. [’70s porn music plays on the radio]” –JeffCG

“‘Actually, I think we can!‘ Everyone suddenly remembers that they don’t even need superpowers to snap JJJ’s neck and feed him to the gators. Maybe they can use their knowledge of, idk, science or something to cover the DNA trail if they have to make this complicated.” –Tonya

“I would have guessed that Dr. Connors’s life was already ruined when he developed the condition of turning into a monstrous lizard.” –Ettorre

“Based on the books, here’s what Dirty has worked out. He knows that Rusty has made a pet of the escaped circus tiger. All Dirty has to do is find a simple, reliable way for a one-eyed man to knock out Mark Trail, then find a way to make him appetizing for the tiger. Something will go wrong, but if it gets us some big-kitty artwork I’m all for it.” –Schrödinger’s Droopy

“I question Dirty’s commitment to this because I see neither a highlighter nor little Post-It notes sticking out of Weapons For Dummies.” –Kevin On Earth

“If you want to raid the Flagstons’ medicine cabinet, just ring their doorbell, say ‘I’m Chip’s new friend,’ then walk right in!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“We all assume that it’s the chickens that are the victims about to make statements, but I think it’s probably just as likely that they’re the attorneys.” –pugfuggly

“Yes, the syndicate is going to ‘fight these drops‘. They’re going to play hardball: ‘If you want to keep running Funky Winkerbean, you’re going to have to keep running Ask Wendy. Hello? Hello?’” –Ned Ryerson

“Hey, they’re right! They’re not worthy! I could be happily retired and just making occasional convention appearances. What am I doing teaming up with a couple of idiots whose moods suddenly and constantly shift between confusion, nausea, and rapturous ecstasy?” –JJ48

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/20/18

I was struck by the first panel of today’s Snuffy Smith, as the strip generally doesn’t do much by way of experimenting with form but today gives us a different perspective of our diminutive title character, just barely visible from the judge’s bench. Perhaps it’s meant to be symbolic of today’s installment’s narrative: normally we see things from the viewpoint of Snuffy Smith, to the extent that we find his layabout criminal attitudes normal and even charming. But the mention of Farmer Clem reminds us that there are in fact honest citizens trying to extract sustenance from Hootin’ Holler’s meager soil, their lives made all the harder by Snuffy’s thievery. And then there are the chickens. My god, think of the horrors the chickens have to suffer! (I’m talking about being killed and eaten, of course. You thought I was talking about weird sex stuff, didn’t you? What, being killed and eaten isn’t bad enough?)

Hi and Lois, 4/20/18

This is an intensely weird setup to this joke, right? The definite vibe I’m getting here is that the “new friend” is going to follow the trail of detritus to Chip’s lair, where he will have to defeat him in combat and either win glory or be devoured.

Gil Thorp, 4/20/18

This seems like an adequate penance for Marty, but I see a big loophole: he’s going to take that ad time he’s forced to buy during the girls’ game and fill it with his own stream-of-consciousness take on what he got from reading the “Latin America: A Land Of Contrasts” ebook while drunk.

Mary Worth, 4/20/18

Oh, I guess Wilbur is only getting dumped from his local paper, so his livelihood won’t be destroyed; it’s just that his ex won’t be reminded of what she gave up every time she opens the Santa Royale News-Intelligencer to the op-ed pages, which, I assume, she probably doesn’t do very often, because print media, am I right? I know we did a whole storyline about how Iris is unusually old to be dating Zak, but come on, she’s not that old. Anyway, I certainly hope that, just as Santa Royale is a thinly veiled stand-in Santa Barbara, the Santa Royale Democrat and Telegraph is similarly modelled on the Santa Barbara News-Press, because that paper’s story is nuts. It’s probably the only small-city daily in America to merit not just a Wikipedia article but an entirely separate Wikipedia “controversy” article, and the idea of Wilbur stomping down there to whine about his columns while the staff is in the midst of labor agitation, ideological purges, and child porn investigations is delicious.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/20/18

“I thought I was going to be paired up with some young guys, some new blood,” Flash Freeman thinks mournfully to himself. “That Wayne and Garth shit is more than 25 years old at this point. This is going to be a disaster.”

Pluggers, 4/20/18

I think I’ve spotted your problem there, sir: your GPS is designed to navigate you from place to place via America’s road system and not, say, across an open field or wherever the hell it is you are.

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Spider-Man, 4/19/18

I’m trying to figure out how exactly Spider-Man and et al. can stop JJJ from publishing his huge Lizard scoop, and I can’t, so consider dramatic tension successfully established! My only idea was that Peter Parker would try to unionize the Bugle and seize control of its editorial processes from the business side of the paper, but that requires a degree of interest in the conditions of his fellow employees that he’s never demonstrated, plus it would take a lot of effort.

Mark Trail, 4/19/18