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Faithful readers, it’s time for the Comics Curmudgeon 2019 Summer Fundraiser!

The Dog Days of August are great time to shower the Comics Curmudgeon with tokens of grateful gratitude — I mean, it’s too hot to do anything else, right? If this site brings joy to your life, consider supporting its work in whatever way works best for you:

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The banners at the top of the page are selected automatically on a randomized basis. If you’d prefer to browse a directory rather than hit-or-miss by refreshing the page, you can find one here, along with hundreds of banners from past fundraisers.

And thank you, generous readers!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Crankshaft, 8/19/19

I get irritated when authors reward their fictional characters but I kinda understand it? I mean, if Rex Morgan punches your meal ticket for nigh on seventy years, why not slip the guy a free boat now and again?

But this crosses a line. Lillian is no towering literary lion like Judge Parker, earning endless sweetheart contracts for a string of unreadable books. She’s a second-string Funkiverse villain who ruined her sister Lucy’s life, then abandoned her to die in hospice care demented and alone. Here’s how to make it right: Lillian should take Eugene’s advice and write a memoir about Lucy, forcing her to confront her monstrous past and hurl herself in shame from her second-story bookstore window. Unfortunately, she’d probably just sprain her ankle, prompting knowing smirks all ’round.

Curtis, 8/19/19

Oh, look, it’s Curtis Learns a Valuable Lesson While Doing Summer Volunteer Work, a regular feature. This year’s Lesson will be delivered by Quincy Shearer, an unpleasant blind incontinent disabled alcoholic with toe fungus, two annoying corgis, and epic ear hair. Settle in for bitter invective against Kids These Days with their ridiculous allergies, TwitBooking on SnapFace, and expensive torn-up jeans. But enjoy your mockery now, because we’re all going to feel just terrible when Quincy’s Heart of Gold and/or Redeeming Backstory is revealed in a day or two.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/19/19

Speaking of Redeeming Backstories, here’s yet another Hallowed Elder with a Funny Name from the golden age of Pop Culture, and this one is a (dramatic music) woman! You know, Dale (neé Dalia) Messick broke into comics in the 1950’s with Brenda Starr. But I guess nobody wants to hear from some Depression-enduring, World-War-II winning, rock-and-roll-inventing has-been generation, at least not when there’s a pot-smoking, sex-having, self-indulging, Social-Security-bankrupting has-been generation in line right behind it.

Judge Parker, 8/19/19

Hey April, remember Saturday, when you threatened these two at gunpoint and demanded that they talk? Happy now?


— Uncle Lumpy

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Mary Worth, 8/18/19

Ah, this Hugo, he is as slippery as an eel’s nest, n’est-il? Dawn tries to set her hook, but he plays it koi and won’t rise to the bait. Net net, she’s in the tank for him but he’s all, “No tanks!” She shouldn’t carp, though – she’s getting his sole attention, so at least he’s not a grouper. And it’s not like anything better is coming down the pike.

Fin.

Kevin and Kell, 8/18/19


Fannie Firefly says cousin Freddie sold their entire family to an insectivore couple for dinner. Freddie admits he took the money but claims he directed Fenton and Lindesfarne to a swarm of bees instead. How will Slylock prove Freddie is lying?

˙ʞɹɐp ǝɥʇ uᴉ ʍolƃ llᴉʍ sʇɹɐɟ s,ǝldnoɔ ǝɥʇ—sʇɥƃᴉl ǝɥʇ ɟɟo uɹnʇ llᴉʍ ʞɔolʎlS :ɹǝʍsu∀

Mutts, 8/18/19

POP QUIZ

What is the lowest form of humor?

  1. Fish Puns
  2. Fart Jokes
  3. When Mutts finally delivers a solid punchline and promptly steps all over it.


— Uncle Lumpy