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Mary Worth, 12/9/18

Whoa whoa whoa, this is all ending way too quickly. I refuse to let go of the Mary-Libby magic. How will this pair be reunited? Will Libby destroy all of Estelle’s stuff and be exiled from her apartment? Will Libby escape from Charterstone with a laser-focused mission to kill and eat the man who separated her from Mary: Dr. Jeff? I need more cat drama, damn it!

Panel from Slylock Fox, 12/9/18

I like how Max is holding up that sock incredulously, like “Sly! Did you know we could be wearing clothes on our feet? I’m not even wearing a shirt! God damn, it’s cold out here!”

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Funky Winkerbean, 12/8/18

We know that the Funkyverse is in many ways similar to, but not identical with, our own space-time continuum, because its characters deploy terms like “solo car date” and “vendos” that no human on Earth-Prime would ever utter. However, I refuse to believe that Viagra’s powerful branding as a little blue pill wouldn’t stay true across universes. Therefore, I assume that this conversation has abruptly turned away from sex stuff and now they’re blessedly just talking about acid reflux.

Dustin, 12/8/18

I’m still in the very early “who the hell are all these people” stage with Dustin so I have no idea what this kid’s deal is. Do you think he, like, pulled a knife on Marcus? Threatened to kill his whole family if he dared to hiccup even one more time? The kid definitely seems to be coolly filing away the data he’s gathered on the amount of trauma you can subject someone to and still expect them to interact with you socially.

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It’s been a while, what with my blogcation a couple weeks ago, but it’s time to crown a new comment of the week, at long last:

“You know the old joke: How do porcupines have sex? Not carefully enough, apparently!” –BigTed

These runners up are also worthy of your time!

Sam & Silo takes the odd position that justice is neither what people deserve nor want, but rather what they expect. So take that, pessimists! You were right about this much: God is out to wreck you personally.” –pachoo

Safe sex? Why should Funky’s dad care if it’s safe or dangerous? He’s going to die of something any minute. It might as well be sex.” –White Rabbit

“Love the goth Christmas tree in Funky Winkerbean. The darkest green tree they could find, to remind you of the inky blackness that awaits you. The stark white lighting, to remind you of the institutional setting you’re going to die in. The grey trimming, made from the hair the dying once treasured, shorn from them as a final indignity before death. Merry Funkmas!” –Voshkod

“Again with the square balloon? Is the twist that Libby has been the narrator all along and she has narrated these last eighty years to prove that Mary was a horrible person and that’s why she abandoned her? Because we got the gist many decades ago.” –Ettore

Which one of these creatures can see in complete darkness? Answer — The fish skeleton. Though its physical eyeballs have long since surrendered to decay, its trapped, haunted soul remains restless within those bones, its unblinking eye sockets forever forced to stare at the nightmarish beings that creep on the blackest edges of our reality.” –Schroduck

“Someone poached Rhino-man’s chin.” –nescio

“Thank you Slylock for the vivid imagery of a duck greedily sucking down link after link of raw trashcan sausage. The stillness of the night broken only by the sound of its toothless beak mashing processed meat into greasy paste.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Joe has it figured out. Since Kelly is obviously the person who’s been giving Kaz the film titles to drop into his conversation, she’s obviously also the person who gives him the questions and answers for his World Geography quizzes. ‘I’m interested in Italy, but Machu Picchu sounds interesting, too! Do you happen to know much about it?’” –seismic-2

“I continue not to understand why ‘I’ll tell Pitchblende about the money Miller put in trust with us, but I’ll pretend I need to continue to hold it, and delay paying his bills out of it as much as possible’ is a better plan than ‘I won’t tell Pitchblende about the money, and just keep already having it with no-one being any the wiser.’” –Hoarce Boon

This whole plotline has been a missed opportunity to have Mary stroking a cat menacingly as she gives advice. Advice you would do well to take, if you understand Ms. Worth’s meaning.” –Dan

“Pretty sure Loweezy is just waiting for Snuffy to die so that she can cash in on his life insurance (‘life insurance’ meaning the large bet she made that he wouldn’t survive the year).” –Rosstifer

“Get you a man who will proudly boast about your culinary skills at every single opportunity, even if he’s on the butt end of an unexpected but hilarious (maybe? I guess?) pratfall.” –The Silent Penultimate Panel

“Narrator: It wasn’t a game. Dagwood was tweeting real people. He would discover this two hours later when agents from Homeland Security arrested him for being a Russian agent. Due to the absence of comically large sandwiches in jail to keep his hunger abated, he would be released three hours later after eating two prisoners, three guards, the warden, and their entire supply of pepper gas.” –Dread

“I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve lost to ‘Tweetbomb,’ which is tweeting while bombed.” –Joe Blevins

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