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Crankshaft, 11/25/20

Aw, look at Pam’s little smile in panel three! She’s like, “Normally Dad’s malapropisms make me cringe, but that one … that one’s OK.” She’s wrong, it’s not, it sucks just as bad as all the rest of them. She’s trapped in a horrible wordplay version of Stockholm Syndrome.

Mary Worth, 11/25/20

Tommy, no! Your descent into opioid-fueled madness began when you threw out your back lifting some heavy boxes! You’ve made so much progress — don’t fall back into addiction by eagerly volunteering to tempt fate just to impress Brandy or (even more pathetic) your boss!

Daddy Daze, 11/25/20

Today’s Daddy Daze dispenses with the pretense that the Daddy Daze baby is a “ba”-based interlocutor and shows us its reality for what it is: the Daddy Daze daddy just blathering baroque nonsense to nobody.

Slylock Fox, 11/25/20

I know I say a lot of Slylock Fox scenes have powerful “IT BEGINS” energy vis à vis the moment when the animals rise up to destroy human civilization and create the animal-ruled world where Slylock plies his trade as a detective, but you have to admit that the “IT BEGINS” energy in today’s strip is in fact extremely strong. Those birds are going peck that kid to death, then they’re going to eat the whole bag of birdseed, then they’re going to figure out how to run the birdseed factory, after pecking to death everyone who works there.

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Blondie, 11/24/20

I genuinely enjoy the range of human facial expressions on display in the final panel here. Glasses Guy is interested, very interested, Token Carpool Lady is just beginning to shift from being intrigued to being disturbed, and Herb is miserable, absolutely miserable. Not sure what any of those emotions have to do with Dagwood’s gluttony, which should be entirely unsurprising to any of them, but I enjoy them nevertheless.

Dustin, 11/24/20

You can say a lot about Dustin’s retrograde cultural politics, and lord knows I have, but if you squint at it, it’s at least kind of progressive that they gave the self-loathing-dieting-verging-towards-eating-disorder to the dad character and not the mom. Anyway, I really like the last panel in today’s strip. He’s not even enjoying the donuts anymore, but he’s going to keep eating them anyway, presumably in a stubborn attempt to prove something to somebody.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/24/20

I’m also digging Sarah’s facial expression in panel two today. It’s clear she’s visualizing something like a digital anal thermometer that connects to your computer via Bluetooth, which the Morgan clinic will be happy to set you up with an installment plan for.

Gil Thorp, 11/24/20

Ah ha, finally we have the big fun moment in any Gil Thorp storyline, where the season’s two big plots are mashed awkwardly together. This football season those two plots are “Newcomer Corina Karenna is sexual catnip” and “two Mudlark QBs are duking it out for the top spot,” and the way they’re combining them is by having both boys come over to Corina’s house and engage in hand-to-hand combat, for … the starting QB job? Corinna’s affections? Doesn’t really matter, the important question is how oiled up they’re going to be while they do it.

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Mark Trail, 11/23/20

You know, Allen-era Mark Trail already upgraded Rusty from “ward” to “son” so I was wondering if he’d be retconned into a biological child of Mark and Cherry under the new regime, but with all this talk of dark secrets and Mark’s cloned lineage, and now new-look biker dude Doc wondering how Rusty will think about their relationship going forward … well, I’m just going to assume they’re all clones, and now they’ll just address each other respectfully as “pod-mate”.

Beetle Bailey, 11/23/20

I’m assuming that “sex, drugs, and rock and roll” is in quotes here because Rocky’s just using it as a general stand-in for “I used to have fun and/or cool,” not because he’s had sex. Nobody in Beetle Bailey has ever had sex. Please, I desperately need to hold onto that notion to stay sane. NO SEX IN BEETLE BAILEY, I FORBID IT.

Dick Tracy, 11/23/20

This pair of criminal masterminds hasn’t exactly set the world on fire with their crime skills, so I think it’d be pretty fitting if Daisy slipped and fell back onto Yeti and they both fell into the sewer and drowned. Dick never spots anything on the drone cam, the meteorite goes unmolested, everyone just kind of moves on with their lives. “Hey, we ever figure out what was up with those people who fell into comas?” Chief Patton asks. “I don’t think so, chief,” says Dick. “I guess it was just one of those things.”

Funky Winkerbean, 11/23/20

If you, like me, find Harry Dinkle intensely unlikeable, I’m happy to inform you that he spends his nights writing in agony, thinking of his past failures.

Pluggers, 11/23/20

Damn it, pluggers. Do you … do you really think you’re the only ones who like ice cream. Come on. Come on now. Give us some pluggers-specific content in the Pluggers syndicated newspaper strip or give it the fuck up