Post Content

Mary Worth, 1/20/20

Well, Thyroid Awareness Month has wrapped up nicely, with Zak doubling down on his grim determination to be the most supportive boyfriend possible by buying Iris healthy food and not making her feel bad about doing less volunteer work so she can conserve her Hashimoto’s-sapped energy. Now we’re shifting gears: did you know that January is also There Are No Good Men Left Once You’re In Your 60s So Just Settle For Whoever Or You’ll Die Alone Awareness Month? It’s true! And Estelle and Wilbur are going to make you ever more aware of this over the coming weeks, as Estelle forces herself to laugh at Wilbur’s terrible jokes and tries to forget his appalling behavior and just generally unpleasant personality.

Gasoline Alley, 1/20/20

I’m not even going to bother bringing you up to speed on Gasoline Alley, but I am going to say this: if you’ve given one of your characters a “whimsical” name like “Baleen,” I think it’s kind of weird to milk laughs out of other characters finding it strange? I dunno, it just seems kind of overdetermined to me. Long story short, I hope our salty waitress has a long and serious talk with this young man about the difference between baleen whales, which use bony plates to filter food out of the water as it passes through their mouths, and toothed whales like the orca.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/20/20

Back in the days when Woody Wilson wrote this strip, people used to give the Morgans stuff all the time: free tickets to SeaWorld, steeply discounted vacation homes, and so on. But under Terry Beatty’s watch, the gravy train has been slowed somewhat. Sure, June and Rex scored some free toddlers a couple years back, but her best friend had to die to make that happen. Fortunately, the Morgans don’t care about other people’s well-being, really, so Aunt Tildy’s transparent hint that she’s gonna drop dead soon really ought to have June’s ears pricking up. What are they going to get in the will, do you suppose?

Crankshaft, 1/20/20

Man, I am mesmerized by whatever is in Crankshaft’s spoon here. Sure, he could easily make himself some kind of soggy off-brown slurry to eat at home for much less money, but then he wouldn’t be able to trade bon mots with his friends as he chokes the tasteless stuff down, you know?

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/19/20

I have to say that I am living, unironically, for this storyline where Rex and June are at their absolute wit’s end because they’re being extremely mildly inconvenienced by Aunt Tildy. I mean, not even inconvenienced in any substantive way! Just kind of annoyed, but too passive-aggressive to actually speak up about it! It’s great! Let’s watch ’em squirm! In fact, I certainly hope this “Cousin Charley” thing is the setup to a flashback about a similarly well-meaning but irritating relative who made their lives slightly less enjoyable for a while, and we watch this play out and Rex and June getting pissier and pissier for the next six to eight weeks, and then we come back to the present and get some more Aunt Tildy annoyance. Let’s air some exceptionally petty grievances, people!

Funky Winkerbean, 1/19/20

There can be absolutely no more appropriate ceremony to begin the process of sinking millions of dollars into a prestige Lisa’s Story movie than to ritually set some money on fire.

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 1/18/20

I am suddenly very invested in Mason shadowing Les on a trip around New York, demanding that Les tell him everything, that he explain in each and every spot of emotional significance how Lisa felt when they were there, how she suffered, how her pain helped forge Les into the man he is today. If nothing else, it might finally, finally get Les to shut the fuck up about it.

Dick Tracy, 1/18/20

Man, Dick and Sam sure are pissed that, due to that pesky hostage (who wasn’t really a hostage, not that Dick and Sam know that), they didn’t have a chance to fill Dr Roboto with hot lead, huh? I guess that explains why they just saw a hostage dragged off by a bank robber and they aren’t making any kind of attempt to rescue that hostage or even figure out where the bank robber might be taking him.