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Happy Friday all! Your COTW in a moment, but first, fun fact: I’m actually going to be in a live LA comedy show that’s not my show in a week and a day! If you’re in or near North Hollywood on Leap Day, check me out on the always wacky Late Late Breakfast at 5 pm! Whee!

But you don’t have to wait that long for your comment of the week!

“I wonder how many variations of the phrase ‘No really, I have a boyfriend in France’ Dawn has rehearsed trying to find one that sounds plausible to herself, let alone other people. Because she needs to try at least one more.” –Francisco Arrowroot

And here are your hilarious runners up!

“Literally the entire last week of Mary Worth was Hugo and Dawn declaring how they love each other and are committed to making this long-distance relationship work while Wilbur does everything possible to rain on their parade, usually by repeating some variation on ‘You live in different countries, though.’ I did not suffer through that just to see Wilbur proven right.” –Joe Blevins

“Check out the window in the background. Fozzie Bear has seen some shit.” –Lee Sherman

“Even weirder with Dennis The Menace is that it’s a federal holiday, so the mailman has no business delivering anything today. Maybe he just wants to randomly hang out with Mr. Wilson too.” –jeltranksss

You never met my father. Neither have I. [Sobs uncontrollably]” –Ettorre

“In Dorkworld, a popular flirting ritual consists of a female’s impressing a potential mate by demonstrating that she can eat a slice of pizza while balancing it on her fingertips. ‘How delicate and skillful!’ thinks the male dork. Look for more details in an upcoming Sunday Mark Trail strip.” –seismic-2

“Now that we’ve talked for an hour, and he’s sure to be frozen to death, let’s call in a helicopter. I need to get home and pontificate about the internet some more. Mingma! Bring me my secure flip phone! Yes, Genie, justice has been done tonight.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“I like the way the narration box in Mary Worth pointedly describes Dawn as settling into a quiet booth and studying, rather than her actual activity of scanning the pizza place looking for anyone she might be able to talk to or flirt with to avoid having to actually doing her homework.” –Thelonious_Nick

“I refuse to believe a malapropism-obsessed man named Crankshaft does not want sex. It opens whole new vistas of uncomfortable wordplay.” –Dan

“Quick, we have to loot all of his insulin before he returns, we can sell it for hundreds of dollars a dose in the U.S.!” –DevOpsDad

“Props to Rex Morgan, BTW, for capturing that look in panel two where she’s clearly contemplating murdering Rex just to escape this conversation. Really really nailed it.” –toxic

“I gotta think about whether I’d rather see that lug again or just clean up by taking you to court for this gross violation of ethics and privacy. After all, I could use the dough, but I’ll admit I’m a little curious about his hair now.” –Old Man Muffaroo

“Maybe the point of this story is that Harvey becomes the very yeti he was looking for, lost in the mountains whistling to himself and he tries to reclaim his lost leg. That’s be a pretty epic twist! Sure, the timeline wouldn’t actually make any sense at all, but then his thing is social media and they like to show things out of order anyway so that’s just extra commentary.” –pachoo

“My theory that Six Chix is drawn by vampires in an attempt to normalize their horrible lifestyle continues to hold up. Look at them. Children of the night. What horrible art they make.” –Voshkod

“I wasn’t expecting Mark Trail to turn into a supervillain origin story. That’s right, folks. Dr. Camel will take this opportunity to reinvent himself as … Dr. Icing! The diabetic supervillain with some kind of … sugar/snow theme going on? I’m not sure. Haven’t really thought it through, but considering he already went from ‘Losing a leg to diabetes’ to ‘Attacked by a Yeti,’ I doubt he’ll put much thought into his new persona, either.” –WLP

“It sure is hilarious how so many young people have a serious problem with addiction to technology and lack of human interaction, while we adults just enable them and laugh! Ha ha!” –JJ48

“Pluggers are not dying to try a new restaurant. What the hell is this.” –matt w

“Is Dennis promoting the patriarchy by gendering ‘mailer daemon,’ or promoting anarchy by rejecting ‘postmaster’?”” –KevinR

“‘Tonight you’re a menace. When you see an opening–’ ‘I … report an opening?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Gil Thorp, 2/21/20

I know I’ve been “letting you down” when it comes to the Gil Thorp updates this basketball season, but I think I’ve built up a lot of trust over the years as the guy who reads the comics so you don’t have to, so please believe me when I say that it’s because the strip has been extremely dull. Alexa Watson is very smart and competitive and has to learn to be moderately more aggressive on the court, and so has been trying to shift her everyday mindset a bit to get her there and that’s been … it? Sports? Sports action? In Gil Thorp, the comic strip about sports? I know, nobody is more disappointed than I am.

Dennis the Menace, 2/21/20

One duty I will never shirk is the fulfillment of my ongoing mission to keep you appraised of Dennis Mitchell’s wild oscillations between menacing and non-menacing, and I don’t think I need to tell you where “extremely excited about the possibility of electronic correspondence” falls on the spectrum.

Pluggers, 2/21/20

Pluggers will grab onto any possible human connection, even if it’s tenuous and accidental, as tightly as possible. All their friends are dying and they’re terribly, terribly lonely!

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Mary Worth, 2/20/20

So it’s been established that Dawn and Jared haven’t actually seen each other for two years in in-universe time, but Jared’s clearly ready to just jump right back into their relationship as it was, which is to say that he’ll hint very broadly and transparently that he wants to sleep with her and she’ll refuse to acknowledge it. Normally trying to interpret the tone of voice the random bolding in Mary Worth represents is a fruitless task, but I sincerely hope that Dawn here is responding to Jared telling her she’s “looking great” by shouting “I’m missing my BOYFRIEND in FRANCE” as loudly as she possibly can.

Blondie, 2/20/20

It bothers me so much that Dagwood’s interlocutor drops his son’s name in panel one and it never becomes relevant to the joke at all. If you’re trying to do just a general slam on Kids Today with their Phones And Such, you should at least spell it “Jaxon.” Instead, I’m forced to assume this strip is meant as a dig against a specific Jackson in the joke writer’s real life, proving once again that syndicated newspaper comics may have lost their cultural relevance, but they’re still great as a venue where you can air out your petty beefs.

Six Chix, 2/20/20

I’m pretty sure most people would refer to getting up in the middle of the night to have a light meal as a “midnight snack.” “Night eating” sounds clinically detached and honestly horrifying, like something an alien anthropologist would include in its report back to its homeworld on the strange behavior of planet “Earth”‘s dominant species. What I’m trying to say is that if Six Chix was trying to come up with a phrase that made “nunch” sound appealing in comparison, then congrats, they pulled it off.

Mark Trail, 2/20/20

“Or maybe, because we’re apparently about to leave with all camping gear, climbing equipment, sherpa guides, and medical supplies, leaving Harvey, a diabetic amputee, alone on a Himalayan mountainside, he’ll die of exposure in fairly short order. Who’s to say? Life is a mystery!”