For the children!
For many of us, the past six months have been a little rough. If the Comics Curmudgeon helped smooth things out, why not return the favor?
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Why would any comic strip merely amuse or entertain its readers, when it could Speak Out on Important Concerns of Today’s Youth — who will totally not laugh at pathetic attempts to imitate their slang! Word up? For sha-zizzle, bros — and brosettes!
Hey, kids — don’t cheat! Because cheating cheats you and the game — and that helps the game win! You love the game, don’t you? Of course you do — that’s why you want it to win! And if that means you have to lose, well, suck it up! Get on the damn juice — for the sake of the game! Um, wait a minute; I’m a little confused here. Weren’t we supposed to have a flashback or something? CUE THE DAMN FLASHBACK!
Hey, kids — be true to yourselves, and all your dreams will come true. Of course, they’ll probably come true for somebody else — somebody whose idea of “true to himself” involves shameless ass-kissing.
Mark Trail, 4/16/09
Hey, kids — don’t smoke! And don’t become criminals! But if you do become criminals — really, really stupid criminals — don’t go out for an all-afternoon fishing trip without your smokes, because that is not how addiction works. At least do something right, fer Chrissake!
Hey, kids — do you know what to do in the event of an electrical fire? Do you:
Stop it with a rubber mat? NO! — It will just bat the mat away — like a foul ball!
Douse it with water? NO! — Water won’t douse an electrical fire — loser!
Dress it up in a ridiculous spiky outfit? NO! — Electrical fires have no shame, and will appear in public thus garbed!
Stop it with a can of sand? NO! — I pan your can of sand, my man — electric fires withstand such plans!
Perhaps if I employed a bucket? NO! — and watch your damn mouth, kid!
Well, what if I call Spider-Man? OK, you’re just messing with me now.
Zippy the Pinhead, 4/16/09
Well, maybe not “Slim Jim.” But we’re with you the rest of the way, pal.
What the hell is wrong with these people? — an occasional feature!
Edge City, 4/6, 9, 10, 14, 15, 16/09
What the hell is wrong with these people?
— Uncle Lumpy