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Mary Worth, 1/28/11

Oh, man, why is this hilarious “I [heart] Santa Royale” mug not available for purchase at the Mary Worth CafePress store right now? Since the action here is happening in Mary’s condo, I’m assuming that’s her mug, which seems to be rubbing it in the face of the Smith family a bit. “Just showing my civic pride, new friends! Santa Royale is great, unlike your hometown of Goleta, which is of course lousy with kidnappers.”

Crankshaft, 1/28/11

Nobody in the Funkyverse in general and in Crankshaft’s orbit in particular is ever allowed to experience joy of any sort, so, yes, he has every right to be suspicious.

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Your comment of the week momentarily, but first, I must share with you an awesome letter to the editor of the Providence Journal that faithful reader Dub Not Dubya shared with me. In it, Mike Fink of Providence earnestly pleads for Rex Morgan, M.D., to be restored to the paper’s funny pages. The best paragraph is this:

Is it just too realistic, and therefore, in fact responsible, for current tastes, editorial or popular? I mean, the anecdotes do raise genuine issues of health and human behavior. True, there is a sort of camp or funky almost unintentional hilarity about its style and content, but on the other hand there is also a timeliness and even truthfulness about the adventures and misadventures of its characters.

But really you should read the whole thing, which also mentions breast feeding, for some reason. Don’t miss it! And the Journal absolutely SHOULD bring back RMMD, it goes without saying.

And now, your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I love the Avengers’ high tech deterrents to someone sneaking in to their headquarters. ‘Let’s turn out the lights and pretend like we’re not here!'” –hogenmogen

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Having solved the mystery of the exceedingly-inept kidnapper, perhaps Mary can turn her crime-fighting skills to discovering who embedded that turbot in the back of Jeff’s skull. From the way he’s clutching his head in the second frame, it looks like he may have suffered a brain injury. This may also explain his apparent insensibility to Mary’s endless litany of self-congratulation.” –Higgs Boatswain

“We have to find some time to spend together, mostly so I can ask you what in the living hell is going on with your jacket lapels.” –Chareth Cutestory

“When they make the movie about Old Butch, they should probably skip the part where a group of rabbits enjoy a spirited game of ‘who can hop closest to the blind dog.'” –Just Bob

“It is possible Lu Ann’s adoptive parents don’t know they adopted her? Maybe she was just put under a cabbage leaf one day and they figured, well, that’s how it always happened before.” –Chip Whittle

“If the best tattoo you can think of is just the initial of your home town in your high school colors, you’re probably not cool enough to look good in a tattoo.” –AndyL

“Margo thinks eating feces ‘sounds delicious?’ Somebody’s been reading my erotic fanfic!” –Doctor Handsome

“I think Jughead is, in his own passive-aggressive way, commenting on the fact that the cast of Archie comics can no longer be considered famous.” –Cotton Candy Beard

“Are we just going to ignore how COMPLETELY adorable it is that Mr. Weatherbee likes Glee? I mean, in the context of this comic, and its superior, too-cool-to-stay-awake-in-geometry high schools kids. Mr. Weatherbee just loves to kick back and relax by watching some musically talented teens who really care about school, who have non-food-based, non-laziness-based problems. And he’s just plain SICK and TIRED of having to tape it!” –Margaret

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/27/12

Aww, isn’t that sweet? Hootin’ Holler must be the most loving, romantic community on the entire planet. I say this because Barney Google and Snuffy Smith characters wag their tongues and roll their eyes constantly. Look, they’re wagging their tongues right there in the second panel, as they’re talking about people wagging their tongues! I’m glad to learn that these are symptoms of an overabundance of affection, as I had assumed that residents of Hootin’ Holler were just prone to seizures due to some combination of inbreeding and malnutrition.

Archie, 1/27/12

As noted, the current run of newspaper Archie strips consists of reruns from the ’90s, which is fairly clear when you have it pointed out to you. But never let it be said that Archie Comics is simply digging out strips at random from its no doubt enormous archives (side note: I dearly hope that Archie Comics refers to its archives as “the Archie-ives”) and mails it out to the syndicate. No, first they have some entry-level employee make sure there aren’t any blatant anachronisms in the strip and quickly fix them. Fun game: what non-Glee TV show do you think Mr. Weatherbee was originally referring to in the third panel? I’ll bet its name is significantly longer than four letters!

Dennis the Menace, 1/27/12

Dennis seems to think that his baby sitter will find his mastery of bound morphemes menacing! Sorry, Dennis, but this is not the case.