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Crankshaft, 1/8/16

The newspaper comic strip is an art form with a dilemma: each strip must, to a certain extent, stand on its own; but unless it’s a pure gag-a-day strip like the Far Side, it must also make use of a library of tropes, running gags, plots, and character elements to round out its world and live up to its full potential. But in doing so it risks confusing or alienating new readers. For instance, we all know that today’s strip is just the typical Crankshaft Has Built A Fire That Has Gotten Out Of Control gag that this strip loves, layered over with the usual inexplicable Funkyverse melancholy, but can you imagine if this were the first Crankshaft you ever read? “Oh my God!” you’d think. “That poor family! Their house is burning down! Maybe a loved one is trapped inside! Look at their stricken faces — they have nowhere else to go, and it’s so cold out!” Tomorrow’s inevitable cranky old man joke would leave you very confused indeed.

Beetle Bailey, 1/8/16

You know, even when laws change, it takes a long time for people’s attitudes about themselves to follow suit. In other words, even though Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed more than four years ago, Sgt. Snorkel is going to have to drink a lot of beer before he can really enjoy himself at this leather bar.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/8/16

No need to look so alarmed, Morgans! Welton Green may not be comfortable with sociopathic students, but it has no policy banning narcissists.

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Blondie, 1/7/16

For someone who’s as long established a figure in the office social scene as Dagwood, he sure has a sad, desperate need to be liked.

Zits, 1/7/16

I haven’t bothered to talk about Zits in years, but now that 2016 heralds an edgy reboot for the strip, in which an involuntarily emancipated Jeremy is forced to live in his rickety Volkswagen Bus, I admit I’m intrigued.

Gasoline Alley, 1/7/16

Boog’s reign of saccharine, pro-scrapbooking terror is finally about to end, as his parents start making out and barely even notice when he’s eaten by a bear.

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Mary Worth, 1/6/15

Oh man, just when I thought that this Mary Worth storyline was petering out into dullness, Mary has decided to take her new protege under her wing and interrogate a homeless man! Has he really retained his faith through all his hardship? Or has he only written that on his sign because he discovered it made people more likely to give him money (that he desperately needs to survive)? And even if he does still retain his faith, what kind of faith are we talking about here? A faith in the Gods of the one the traditional, outmoded religions? Some vague belief in the goodness of humanity, or of the universe? That won’t do. Once Olive summons her otherworldly messenger, this fellow will either have his soul shattered into infinitely tiny shards or will emerge from the experience a disciple of the new faith, Olive and Mary’s faith, the faith the will cleanse the world of the unclean and unworthy.

Curtis, 1/6/15

I’ve been down on this Kwanzaa storyline so far, but kudos to the spirit of the holiday for bringing the word “barfed” to comics pages everywhere. It would be better to show than to tell, of course, but I understand the editorial limits of the medium and applaud the strip for even getting this far. More teens magically transformed into superstars vomiting on presidential candidates in the funny pages, please! More, I say!